Forensic Files Narrator: ... And He Left His Finger Prints On The Door Knob...

forensic files narrator: ... and he left his finger prints on the door knob...

me eating my 5th mozzarella stick: you absolute fucking idiot

Could I maybe request a fic where eggsy and roxy and Merlin think Harry’s real lonely and sad bc he has no one to go home to so they end up spying on him at home and turns out he has a wife and he’s super domestic! And romantic and happy with her but They pretend not to know even tho they kinda mad they didn’t know her but then harry has to tell them because she is being held hostage in attempt to get to harry through her. Anyway that maybe wayyyy to specific but see what u can do maybe? Thx!

Aww, this request is so cute! I definitely prefer a request with more specifics than less. I’ll definitely do this one for you!

when you are bilingual and forget how to say something…in both languages. 

concep/requestt: Harry Hart x reader domestic/married happiness in which their pillow talk is constructed entirely of Harry talking about butterflies to his s/o. This has been a concept/request

Oh gosh, I’ll definitely have to brush up on my Lepidopterology! (and by ‘brush up’, I mean... actually study.) but sure! I imagine when the reader moved in with him, she asked a lot about the butterflies. Thanks for the request!

Sophie turner and joe jonas are engaged and i didn’t even know they knew each other

Sex Making Love With Harry Hart Would Include...

Requested by Anonymous. ( gif credit. )

Obviously, this is very NSFW. Do not read if you are underage.

As previously stated, Harry refuses to refer to love making as sex. He finds the term much too vulgar and impersonal. 

What surprised you the most was how nervous he was the first time you saw each other naked. He had long ago surpassed the age of a ripped physique and a six pack - you could see his uncertainty on his face.

“I’m not perfect either, Harry.” 

He fell in love with you all over again at that.

You never look at him the same after the first time he goes down on you. He’s always seemed so professional and put together at work, but you’ll never forget the obscene moans and curses he utters against your folds while he brings you to another orgasm.

Damn, is that man amazing at eating you out. 

You practically have to beg Harry to let you give him head. It’s no surprise that he’s much more of a giver than a receiver, but he changed his tune the second he felt you kitten licking the tip of his cock.

He wasn’t sure what to do with his hands at first, scrubbing his face with an open palm and feebly cupping your jaw. But by the time you’d worked him to the edge, he was guiding your mouth with a tight grip on your hair.

“Darling... darling, I’m about to - !”

( That was the night the two of you broke his bed frame. )

During one of your hardcore undercover missions, tempers flared when your target got a little too hands-y for Harry’s liking. When you’d snuck into the ladies room to “powder your nose”, your boyfriend invited himself in shortly after you. The jealous Kingsman fucked you hard on the bathroom sink, panting in your ear about how you were his and his alone.

Your favourite position with Harry is missionary, because it’s just as flexible as you two are. I mean... think about it.

Sometimes you’re pressed together from head to toe, the love of your life moving slowly against you as he whispers how much he loves you. 

And sometimes your legs are hoisted over his shoulders while he fucks you into the mattress. You always wake up the next day after that with dozens of little hickies across your breasts. 

You can honestly say you’ve never had to fake an orgasm. In fact - you’ve faked not having one, just so Harry wouldn’t stop. 

( Turns out... he knew the entire time. )

You may or may not have accidentally made a sex tape once. The high of a successful mission had gotten to you both, making love atop his desk at the shop. The only problem? Harry forgot to turn off the feed on his glasses. 

Merlin couldn’t look you in the eye for a month after that.

The next time you two used a camera in the bedroom? ... Well, let’s just say it was intentional. And served a great purpose for being apart from each other for too long.

After a long night of love making, you and Harry always cook breakfast together. Even with your hair sticking up in all directions and your makeup smeared from the night before, he thanks his lucky stars every day for having you in his life.

Bonus: