You Know, I'm Really Glad That I Wrote Fanfiction When I Was Younger.

You know, I'm really glad that I wrote fanfiction when I was younger.

I have a lot of thoughts that strike me, and at the time, they seem really profound and important. This one feels like it too, though I may look back later and just cringe at my sense of arrogance, as one does. Honestly, the future me who's cringing just makes me chuckle a little bit. Some things don't change.

And yet, some of them do. I started publicly posting my fanfiction when I was 14 years old. There's another one, one that I wrote with my brother and boyfriend of the time, that came before that. Actually, did you know that my older brother got me into fanfiction in the first place? It's funny, thinking about it. And, just like he doesn't write anymore, I got my sibling into art. Theirs is amazing, and I just don't draw as often as I used to, and I'm okay with that. I get so proud when I see what they draw, and I suppose my brother might be proud of what I write. At least, if he reads it and doesn't cringe himself. Haha!

Back to fanfiction, I guess. I wrote it when I was 14 and ever since. I've penned some things that I'm embarrassed of, I've proudly displayed the most cliched of story lines, I've written down what made me the saddest and the happiest only to look back and feel guilty that I might have accidentally caused offense due to the fact that I didn't know what I was doing. But also, I've learned from it.

In the 2010s, "gay" was a word that was ambiguous to me. I used it, and it wasn't flattering. I'll always feel a bit of shame over it, but I keep it up to keep myself humble. I'm not perfect. It's a misstep, but it's mine, and I keep it because it teaches me not to do that again.

But also, during my Ghost Hunt phase, I wrote a few stories that resonate with me. A lot of them are because I feel seen while reading them. The constant care I gave Naru, the daughter I gave him that was him but louder and more stubborn. I love going back and hearing my younger self say "someone like you is worth loving." Then, there's one scene that hits me because I've since done a complete 180 on the attitude that supports it.

In this case, the main character is constantly in danger and needs to protect herself. The more experienced medium attempts to gently but firmly teacher her how to ignore more calls for help than you can heed. It's a lesson on how to protect yourself so you can protect others. The bursting "triumph" of this scene is when the main character pushes past her boundaries and extends an empathetic hand to the ghost, determined to save her to the last. Her empathy is rewarded, and her life is saved. When I was younger, that was my attitude. Help others, even and perhaps especially at the cost of yourself. It's a snapshot into who I was and what I valued most dearly.

Now, when I reread that story, I side with the more experienced medium. I can't imagine her being more gentle or more firm with what I see as the truth. The moment of triumph now leads me to despair, because I see someone who is capable of helping more people if only she learned how to take care of herself first.

And I think it's fun. And I think that my fanfiction over the years has taught me not only why people write stories but why we preserve them as well.

No human is the same throughout the entirety of their lives. "Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, for time is soon a-flying. These same flowers that live today, tomorrow will be dying." It's not just a literal life. It's phases of life, too. We change, we morph, we transform, and literally going back isn't an option. However, stories remain. Of our follies, of our triumphs, of our attitudes, of literally anything. And, to me, they're a reminder of who I was, and it makes it a little easier to at least understand those who are coming after me.

Maybe they'll be in a different phase than me. Maybe they'll stay there longer, or even forever. There are so many stories, and they relate to so many people, because humanity, while it always changes, stays the same. And, if nothing else, timeless stories passed through generations and new stories that take the world by storm can continually teach us that.

But the real thought at the heart of this? Stories are timeless, and everyone has a different interpretation at different points of their lives. I just thought that I'm sick of people who say "you'll understand it when you're older." That's starting to feel like a cheap shot. "You'll understand my interpretation when you're older," sure, but there's understanding to be had in the here and now. Regardless of your age, your placement in life, or your experiences, you can make meaning out of any story.

So, go off, I guess. Find a story, read it, relate to it or don't, make meaning out of the strange jumble of words you find. Write what's important to you now, and a string of understanding may extend from you to someone different in the future, whether that be someone new or someone you turn into. Let fiction, nonfiction, drama, stories, poetry link us together. Not because we all have the same understanding of it, but the opposite. Let's all find our own meaning in what we see, and if we share it with others, then maybe we can find understanding with each other.

And that, my friends, is what I'll most likely cringe very hard at later. I can already feel it coming, haha, so I'll just post this now. XD I'll tag as 'long post' just in case some people have that blocked, because wow, did I not expect it to get this long. XD

See ya!

You ever been in a fandom with a big ship that makes you feel like you’re looking at one of those colour blindness tests and you’re failing, like idk what y’all are excited about it but I cannot fucking see it

Look, friends. I need you to understand how IMPORTANT James Bond is in the makeup of Anthony JustaJreally Crowley.

If you only watched Bond movies, you do not know that in the books, Bond's car is a 1930 Blower Bentley which he bought 'almost new' in 1933. He calls the car 'his only personal hobby' and he 'drove it hard and well with an almost sensual pleasure.'

So to be clear, this is Bond's Bentley...

Aaaand this is Crowley's.

(For book fans, Crowley's Bentley is described as being from 1926, which means it would have been a model much like Bond's as opposed to the 1933 Bentley used in the show, sooooo...)

While the movies have forever made Bond synonymous with Aston Martin, the books kept Bentleys as his main squeeze. When Bond's first Bentley is destroyed in a car chase in Moonraker, he replaces it - with another Bentley.

You know what else Bond was obsessed with? Gadgets. Like watches. And pens.

Just. Things fans might find interesting.

@murphysscribe I may have Bond and Crowley on the brain...

Fantasy setting where dragons are a species of corvid that are like ravens but More.

Ravens are smart; dragons are clever. Ravens are big; dragons are huge. Ravens like trinkets; dragons have hoards. Ravens remember; dragons have grudges.

Ravens are playful; dragons have another set of talons and the ability to breathe fire who knows what kind of hell they want to raise.

literally so embarrassing to have someone go "i don't go here" or "what's this from?" on my art and it's a rarepair/crackship that is in no way representative of the source material... and i have to be like. well you see, the rest of the restaurant's menu is not like this. i'm doing my own thing eating black olives right out of the can in the back-of-house. whether or not you want me to throw you a can, you have to understand that's not what they serve out front