[JIUNG] SAD SONG

[JIUNG] SAD SONG

never better than - choi jiung

sum : maybe you're just... never enough.

[ note : f!reader, angst and it's quite long. feeling inferiority (not to jiung), self insecurities, injury. ]

"really jiung?" you question him after holding him back from the group. "out of all people here, you really just gotta go and flirt with her? out of all of the people here?" when jiung didn't say anything, you know you're done here. "you're really an asshole jiung," just like that you left him and turn back around.

this hiking trip was something you've been looking forward to. what something was supposed to be a date between you and jiung quickly turned into a group hangout between your group of friends. you loved the idea of merging both of your group of friends and see no issues about this. clearly that was a mistake on your part.

few months into the relationship, you confided to jiung about one of your insecurities regarding one of your best friend.

you love your best friend. she never did anything bad to you. but it doesn't make the fact that everybody you have taken a liking to seems to like her more than you, any better. you have a feeling that it's because she is everything... more than you. softer, more feminine, more lady-like.

to put it in easy words, she is the definition of the woman every guy wants to bring home to meet their parents.

but she is a sweetheart through and through which made you feel stupider than you're already feeling. because she never tried to reciprocate all those guys advances even when she doesn't know about your crush towards them.

so when you first bring up this trip you thought that the outcome could be different.

jiung and you have been together for the past six month and although you've never officially introduce your friends to him but they know of each other. jiung had seen her picture and he never said anything. he never bothered to follow her accounts anywhere.

this is a relationship that you want to last a long time. you have deep adoration towards jiung and even if you don't know yet if you could call it love, it's definitely something close. it's just... you thought he would be different.

the few minutes in the meet up and it seems like jiung was already enamored by her. you realized he kept taking glances at her but you tried not to think negatively. it was all futile when he started leaving you behind to catch up to her.

only when you took a bad fall he finally came to your side, fussing about how you should watch out and be more careful. you felt sting on your left arm but your heart hurts more. do you have to be hurt for him to finally remember your existence? so you brush him off in annoyance, saying you're fine and that was all it took for him to leave you and went back to your friend.

you tried to focus after that but he's making it hard to. you can see how he really tried to start conversations with her but she kept ignoring him and kept moving away from him.

when you can no longer take it, you call out to him. he didn't look annoyed but he just probably kept it down so others won't see it. you tried to think of an excuses for his behavior but when it seems like he himself can't give you one, you just walk away from him.

the lone walk on the way down give you so much time to think. thinking about everything, about jiung, about your relationship, your feelings and most importantly your hurting left arm.

turns out, you fractured your left arm when you took that bad fall. the doctor said that you probably made it worse when you decided to drive yourself to the hospital. now you're sad, in pain and your arm in this ugly cast.

"make sure to not get it wet. try ask for someone to help you with everyday chore if you could and of course i'm going to tell you to be more careful after this."

when you walked out of the hospital, you feel empty. everything replay in your head. you wonder why it has to be you. why it has to be her, your own best friend. why, why and why you were always never enough.

the drive home was painstakingly slow. the walk into your home was numbing. you can no longer trust jiung with this relationship. it's inevitable that the breakup happened after today and the sooner you do it the better. it will give you more time to heal and move past this.

so you packed the few things jiung had in your apartment. including the little trinkets he had given you randomly, saying they reminded him of you. there is no point on keeping them after this when you're no longer going to be the one in his mind.

you haven't cry yet and honestly you don't know if you are able to right now. it doesn't feel real how just last night you guys were laying in bed thinking about where to go next week for your weekly date and now here you are packing his stuff because... well because, because he is smitten with your own best friend.

once you finished packing, you took pictures of his belongings outside of your door and sent them to him. 'we're done. all of your stuff are in here. i don't want to see you anymore,' and with that, you blocked him everywhere.

maybe, maybe one day. one day you will find a fitting man who will finally only have his eyes on you. a guy who's willing to give you the moon if you ask for it. a guy who's love is so overflowing all you had to do was smile at him and that will swept him off his feet. a guy who unfortunately cannot be jiung.

"Shameful." from Rosy Pirani, 08/May/2024:

okay I've decided I'm not cut out for online friends because why am I geeking when someone wanted to be my moots? like YES PLEASE BE MY FRIEND I WANT YOU TO BE MY FRIEND‼️i feel dumb

You should be furious that people trying to escape genocide in Gaza, Sudan, Congo all need raise an absurd amount of money just to survive

You should be furious at how these people went through atrocity after atrocity and still need raise tens of thousands of dollars to get away

You should be furious at this insidious thing that completely encapsulates how capitalism feeds off of blood