Imagine Not Feeling The Cozy,spirit Lifting Warmth When Listening To Fallin All In You

Imagine not feeling the cozy, spirit lifting warmth when listening to Fallin All In You

Please read all the way through this if you’re a Shawn Mendes fan (or a fan of any famous person)

I hope what you’re about to read is a wakeup call for certain people and a reminder for anyone whose dream is to meet their idol one day that there are boundaries with regards to how far you can and should go to achieve that goal.

I started this post when I was waiting for my bus at the Greyhound station in Toronto, Canada last night. This city should ring a bell for basically any member of the Mendes army as this is where our homeboi lives. I consider myself a Shawn Mendes fan since the end of March as of this year, so I am a fairly new member of the fandom (the same way this blog is fairly new to shawnblr). I haven’t seen him in concert nor met him in any way yet.      I have been traveling through Canada the past days since I didn’t have classes due to our Thanksgiving Break in the U.S. As a lot of other people who follow their idols on social media, I became aware of the fact that Shawn has been back in Toronto since Monday of this week pretty soon. Obviously, the first thought that comes to mind in that case would be something like: How cool would it be to meet your idol while both of you were in the same city?

I argue that those of the Mendes army who have been around long enough know what issues there have been and still are about fans following Shawn, waiting for him at airports, hotels or even his home - to be blunt, stalking him. Recently though, I have noticed more uproar about fans invading Shawn’s personal space and this, people, is a whole different level we’re talking about. But let me share my experience of this with you, one that I in fact have made yesterday.

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Looking like one of those rich dads who's picking up his children from school and I AM LIVING FOR IT

He looks so classy, and himself and I love it.

THANK YOU

as tour season starts approaching and people start thinking of things to ask at the q&a i would like to make a list to remind people of what not to ask:

“do you miss magcon?”

anything about sugar daddies

“would you date a fan?”

magcon

“what do you look for in a girl?”

if he will go on a date/prom/marry you

stuff about toilet paper??????

magcon

magcon

“is why about camila?”

anything about HB

MAGCON

“who is *insert song* about?”

anything else that may relate to the questions above

all in all, pls just respect his personal life and other people. the q&as are there for us to build a relationship with shawn as fans. please don’t abuse that

Change - Part 1

This is going to be a new series. I hope y`all enjoy the first part

Warnings: swearing

Word count: 6093

Fame. Screaming fans around you, celebrity parties, being able to afford everything and anything. This lush life is the dream of many, many people, but did someone ever tell you that the famous lifestyle isn`t as beautiful as it seems? Well, here`s the truth. Depression, alcohol, anger, loneliness. Drugs, hangovers, fights, sadness. Welcome to the life of the 24 year old singer and songwriter Shawn Mendes. Fame destroyed him. The once kind, grateful and happy boy turned into an arrogant, self-regarding, angry and lonely man with no hope left. Is somebody out there who can help him get out of that deep hole? Well, no one would`ve thought that a fake relationship for the public would be the key to his old self and long lost happiness.

It was 8 am. The sunbeams were shining through my curtains, the dust particles were lightly visible. It was tidy in my apartment, I always made sure that everything was on its place. The only thing that wasn`t as tidy as it should be was my mind. I was late. I was really late for work. Fucking hell. I thought to myself. I fucking had to watch Grey`s Anatomy till 2 am. I could kick myself for that.

I grabbed my keys and looked in the mirror for the last time. My hair was a complete mess. It was too long, too thick and untameable. I sighed and put it up in a messy bun, that`s the only thing I could do for it in the moment. My white shirt was tugged in my blue jeans, the simple flannel shirt topped the look of. My necklace with the small heart pendant was hidden under the neckline; this was overall the only jewelry I wore.

My face looked tired. I put a bit of concealer under my eyes and mascara to look more human, but I still looked wasted. Whatever. I put my white Converse chucks on, locked the door and rushed through the hallway to the entrance of the building.

My watch showed quarter past eight. Ashley is going to kill me. I rushed to my small VW named Sydney, unlocked her, started the engine and drove to the meeting rooms at The Westside.

Why, why today? Out of all days! Today was a very special day, because the PR agency I worked for was going to chair a meeting with a very famous singer. They didn`t told me which famous singer, tho. I was only informed by the fact that he or she was really problematic in terms of public behaviour or manners in general.

I wasn` t that important for the meeting, I`m only the co-assistant of Ashley, the head of our department. The actual assistant, Jessica, texted me this morning that she was sick and couldn`t attend this meeting. And my dumbass slept through that and hit snooze three times before I got out of bed at half past seven and started freaking out. Whatever. I was most likely going to stand in the corner of the meeting room and be the coffee servant.

It`s not that I didn`t like the job, though. I really enjoy it and I `m grateful for it. But it`s very... stressful. Despite the fact that I`m only the co-assistant. I need the money to pay the rent for my small apartment and I`m still paying off my college tuitions. My family needs the money as well, so I just have to push through and work as hard as I can, beside my second job in a hardware store.

I parked in front of the building, locked the car. My phone buzzed for the perceived hundredth time, so I took it out of my pocket and looked on the screen. Oh. Shit!

Ashley Nickelson, 7:55 am: Are you on the way?

Ashley Nickelson, 7:59 am: Y/N, where are you?

Ashley Nickelson, 8:03 am: Y/N?!

Ashley Nickelson, 8:08 am: Where the hell are you????

Ashley Nickelson, 8:12 am: HELLO?!

Shit, shit, shit, shit! I was still scrolling through all her messages as I started running towards the revolving door. And with my smart pace I, of course, had to run into somebody. 

“Whoa, hey ... what the fuck?!“ A deep male voice exclaims. I look up and meet the gaze of the most beautiful eyes I`ve ever seen. Hazelnut colored. 

The man standing in front of me was very tall, had dark brown, curly hair with a few curls resting on his forehead and a black and very wet sweater that smelled like the coffee he was holding in his left hand a few seconds ago. Did I forgot to mention his facial expression? Well, that guy looked not amused at all. He had sharp features, and the furrow in between his eyebrows was deep. He rampaged on the inside, that was obvious.

“Oh shit... I am so sorry“ I stuttered. My voice cracked a bit. Why, why, oh why? My shirt wasn`t that affected, it only had a few drips of coffee on its neckline. But his was completely soaked with coffee. As well as his hands and the top of his black jeans. Thank God the coffee wasn`t that hot anymore. That was a damn accident waiting to happen.

“Watch your fucking step!“ he shouted. Excuse me? “Well, watch yours, too!“ I shouted back, watched how his pupils widened and ran past him to the third meeting room, the biggest one in the building. Now I was the one who was angry. How dare he shout at me like that? Who does he think he is? And who the hell was that? He seemed so... familiar. I took a deep breath, opened the wooden door and entered the crowded meeting room. Well, the coffee serves him right.

Some people in there where immersed with their work, the others conversed with the chiefs of the department. Ashley was typing something into her phone, but all of a sudden she lifted her head towards the door and saw me. Her facial expression went blank, it gave me the creeps. God, please have mercy on me.

She smoothed her gray pencil skirt down, sized me up and started walking towards me. Please, please, oh please don`t dismiss me.

“Well, would you look at that“ she purred. “Why do you have a mobile if you can`t use it? I texted you a hundred times, Y/N!“ Oh boy.

“I am so sorry, there was so much traffic on the highway and it was hardly progressing. And I forgot to charge my phone last night“ I lied. A little white lie won`t hurt. I simply had to keep the job.

She eyed me, her red lips were compressed. “Fine. But only because you`re the only option I have at the moment. Jessica quit. Congratulations, you`re my official assistant now“ she said objective. Wait, what?

“I thought Jessica was sick?“ She texted me that. Ashley let out a dry laugh. “That`s apparently her way of saying goodbye. Well, all right. I have you. The meeting is going to start in five minutes, please take a seat next to me“.

Next to her. What? She walked to the large conference table, took an unoccupied chair and sat down. Holy crap... I`m not going to sit in a corner, I`m an actual part of the meeting! I sat down to the left of her, and all the other people slowly began to adjust themselves. The chair next to me moved. I looked up and a man with a beard and longer hair sat down. His name tag read `Geoff Warburton`. He mumbled a “Hi“ and I smiled back.

“Okay“ Ashley whispered in my ears, “you`re going to take notes of the whole meeting. Listen carefully, smile consent and nod every now and then. I`m going to moderate this meeting and you have to appeal approving, okay?“

I nodded, overwhelmed. Okay Y/N, you got this. In the meantime, everyone was seated and ready for the meeting. Small conversations became silent. The atmosphere was tense now and everyone seemed to wait for someone.

Ashley put a notepad and a pen right in front of me as I leaned towards her. “Is someone missing?“ I whispered. Just as she was about to answer, the door opened and revealed a tall guy. The guy I previously spilled the coffee over. Great.

He was now wearing a pink hoodie, but the black jeans where the same. The darker spot of the coffee spill at the waistband was now covered by the hoodie. No, no, no, no, no. Ashley stood up. “Okay, welcome to the meeting Shawn, and welcome to all of you who are here today!“ she sang.

Of course. The guy`s names is Shawn Mendes. Freaking Shawn Mendes. That`s why he seemed so familiar. Can I please faint? He looked around and met my gaze, I obviously failed at ignoring him, and his facial expression immediatly changed from tired to pissed.

“Please have a seat“ Ashley said, looked back and forth between us and motioned him to the chair on the short side of the conference table. His angry gaze left mine, fortunately. He started walking to the chair, grabbed it and sat down. Ashley gave me questioning look, but I just shrugged my shoulders.  Shawn folded his hands together so that the swallow tattoo on his right hand was still visible, it was obvious that he was bored.

I took hold of my pen and waited for... what was I waiting for? “So“ Ashley began, “we are all aware of the acuteness of this problem. But today, we`re going to make a decision on how to solve that problem.“ She turned to Shawn and looked him directly into his eyes, “You are going to follow all of our instructions, and if not, then my department and I don`t see the need to help you with your career anymore. And believe me, we are the only agency here that is able to deal with a problem factor like you.“

“Excuse me, but you have no right so state such things“ a middle-aged man at the other side of the conference table stated. Ashley raised her perfectly plugged eyebrow. “He`s in his mid-twenties, and he has every right to party and have fun. We all did that at his age, so you can`t blame him“. 

Ashley put on a fake smile. I know her and you better shouldn`t start beef with her, because she`s going to shut you down. “Mister...?“ she purred. Oh, here we go. “Williams“ the man answered, too confident.

“Mister Williams, I can tell you that I didn`t party all night long at the age of 24 to sit in a meeting the next day being completely wasted and tired like this one“ she looked to Shawn who had placed his head in his hand and jerked out of his short nap. 

“I was working hard for my career, and alcohol, drugs and one-night stands would have been a barrier for me. Unfortunately, Shawn Mendes is the type of man who doesn`t give a damn about that, please excuse my language. He became famous at a really young age, we know that, but it`s still important to maintain a certrain degree of consideration and responsibility, it doesn`t matter for how long he has been in the industry. And his fame is no excuse for his current behaviour.“ Out of the corner of my eye I catched Shawn`s eye-roll. What an idiot.

The man became silent and Ashley went on with her speech. I was trying to get everything on the paper, but it was really hard because she was talking super fast. My ugly handwriting didn`t ease that task.

“The headlines are full of Shawn being thrown out of clubs, countless one-night stands and alcohol. He forgot about his fans, and the internet presents him as a Bad Boy. New Music takes ages to record, and the fans are getting tired of him. With that said, we have a clear mission: we want a solution that minimizes negative headlines, speeds up the process of making new music and in general boosts a complete new image of the one and only Shawn Mendes.“ He sighed. Ashley ignored him. “Hit me.“

The other people in the room started talking at once. I knew that Shawn was problematic according to all the headlines, but I didn`t knew that he was that problematic. Ashley had to silence them, and another man spoke up. “We could try to get a therapist for Shawn“ the bald man said. The man named Geoff next to me spoke up. “That won`t work. He had tons of therapists in the past, but none of them helped“ he stated. Shawn let out a dry giggle.

“What if he takes a break of everything?  For a year or two. Miley Cyrus and countless other artists did that, too“ an older woman in a pantsuit said. Ashley shook her head. “We can`t do that. I had a similar idea, but he`s going to lose more fans with a break and he won`t be able to work in that time. That`s not a proper solution“ she said, looking at the table.

“He should get a girlfriend“ said someone in the back. Shawn looked up, furrowing his brows.. As well as all the other members of the meeting. It was a young girl, probably the assistant`s assistant of the assistant, and she wasn`t older than eighteen. Her face went red at the sudden attention on her, and she lowered her head. Poor thing. 

Some people were about to protest, and the sound level in the meeting room increased. Ashley`s voice drowned the other ones. “Hey! Please be quiet. And that`s not a bad idea“ she agreed with the girl. The girl smiled. She was maybe hoping to be the `one` for Shawn. As well as one million other girls. Poor thing. My pen scratched over the paper.

“That`s not a bad idea. The headlines would turn into something more positive and the fans would want to get more information.“

Shawn spoke up for the first time. “No.“ His voice was dangerously calm. Ashley turned towards him and looked directly into his eyes. “Remember what you said in the beginning?“ 

“He wont get a loyal girlfriend with his behaviour, and I doubt that one of his one-night stands is willing to take that role“ someone in the corner giggled. Shawn looked into the direction of the person. If looks could kill.

Shawn`s lawyer raised his voice. “Will you kindly have some respect? Thank you“. Ashley nodded, lost in her thoughts. “No, he has a point. Shawn needs someone now, and he won`t find a suitable girl in the next time. We need an actress“ she thought aloud.

Another man raised his voice. “That`s too obvious. He`s single today, but tomorrow he`s the boyfriend of an actress? That is just too evident“. I remembered Ashley`s words and nodded. If I`m honest, I couldn`t care less about Shawn asshole Mendes. 

Ashley furrowed her brows. “You, the girl who gave us this idea, you`re too young. Let me think for a second“ she stated. Suddenly, she turns around and looks directly at me.

“Y/N! You`re 23, right?“ I looked at her. “Yeah?“

“Great, you`re going to be Shawn`s new girlfriend.“ My jaw dropped.

“What?“ Shawn`s and my voice exclaimed at the same time. The room became a buzz of voices. But Ashley was the picture of calm. “You`ve been working here for four years now, and you now how things work“ She nodded encouraging. Oh hell no.

“What, no... I- I`ve only been the co-assistand a-and“ ... “ No `and`“ Ashley interrupted me, “this is your chance to prove yourself. We`re going to pay you twice as much, and you only have to keep this up for a little while“ she reassured me. What!? 

Shawn`s angry voice drowned out the others. “Fucking hell, no! I won`t do that! I`m not your fucking puppet!“ I winced at his sudden outburst of anger.

Ashley`s facial expression went furious and she turned to him. “Shawn, you are going to agree to everything and anything we suggest to you. It`s for the sake of your career, and believe me, if you`re not going to follow our instructions I am going to quit our cooperation! It`s time to get your life together, Shawn!“ she said with finality. Wow. I`ve never seen her so angry.

Shawn looked into her eyes for a few more seconds, with clenched teeth, then stood up and rushed out of the meeting room with big steps. This man had serious anger issues.

Ashley sighed, turned to my side and took hold of my hand.  “Hey“ she said, “ I know it`s overwhelming, but I promise you I`m going to help you with everything. Remember, it`s just for the public, it won`t be real. He needs help, and I think you are able to calm him down. Believe me, he`s another level of fucked up.“ No shit. And me? Calm him down? After our amazing interaction 20 minutes ago? Sure.

“It`ll only be for a year and...“A year?“ I interrupted. Is that her perception of a little while? 365 days, dammit! She nodded. “Y/N, some people have to do that for multiple years. One year is nothing. And as I already said, it`s only for the public. Maybe he`ll calm himself because of you, but the fake relationship is the only option we have at the moment“. Her red lips turned into a sad smile. “I know that you work hard. You`re going to earn much money, you wouldn`t have to work in that hardware shop anymore.“ Wait, how did she knew that?

Ashley giggled. “I do my research, honey. Now I`m going to search for Shawn, I have to talk to him. Believe me, he`s going to listen“. She stood up but stopped in her step. “Oh, you have to be here this evening. We have to put that relationship under contract“ she said and winked.

I broke the lead of the poor pencil. This has to be a dream. This can`t be true. The man next to me, Geoff, cleared his throat and smiled at me. “And here goes nothing. Again“ he simply stated and stood up. That`s the motivation I need at the moment, for sure.

I had no idea how I got home. I remember leaving the meeting room and unlocking the car, but now I was in my apartment and still clueless how I got here. Alive. It was 2 pm now and I was sitting on my small sofa. I called my best friend Sierra a few minutes ago, she was on her way. I needed somebody to talk to. I have to digest way too much.

My life can`t change like that. Especially not for the sake of Shawn Mendes. It`s his own damn fault that his life went downhill so fast, not mine. And if his carreer flops, who cares? No one`s responsible for that but him. 

A loud knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. I walked to my door, unlocked and opened it. "Tell me what happened, now!" Sierra exclaimed and ran past me to the sofa. I sighed, closed the door and walked back into my small living room.

She was sitting at the center of the sofa, biting her nails. "Okay" I breathed, "you won`t believe me." I looked into her eyes, took a deep breath and announced the news. "I can`t believe I`m saying that out loud. I`m going to be the girlfriend of Shawn Mendes."

Her jaw dropped. And then there was silence. I counted to ten in my mind, but she still showed no further reaction. "Sierra?" I asked. She blinked and started laughing. "That was a good one, Y/N" she giggled. I blinked a few times.

"No, listen, I`m serious" I said to her. Now it`s Sierra who blinked. "What?" she asked with a confused facial expression. And then, I told her everything.

"Oh man, I didn`t knew that he was that problematic" she said after a few moments of silence, "and you spilled coffee all over him?" She laughed. "Y/N, you`re the clumsiest person I`ve ever met. But he kind of deserved it after he shouted at you".

"I have to sign the contract later. Sierra..." I looked into her dark green eyes, "This is so crazy. I don`t want to do that, and I`m still hoping to wake up and realize that it was all a bad dream. A really bad one”.

"Y/N." She took my hand. Could people stop holding my hand? "You can do it, okay? You wanted to be an actress when you were little, and now you get to live your dream. It`s just a job. Besides, you`re going to earn enough to finally pay off your college tuitions, since you won`t accept my help" She bend her head and gave me an encouraging smile.

She`s right. It`s just a job. I sighed. "Okay, you`re right" I finally said. She nodded her head and let go of my hand. "Of course I am. I`m your best friend!" she giggled, "And I`m going to help you with everything. If he`s being an asshole to you, just call me. Then I`m going to beat his famous ass up" she said in all seriousness. I started laughing.

"Okay, I will. Are you hungry?" I asked her, not wanting to talk about Shawn or the job anymore. She nodded. "I`m starving".

I consulted the watch on my wrist. It was nearly 7 pm. I was sitting in Sydney, opened the door and stepped out. The second I touched the ground, a black Jeep parked a few metres next to Sydney. The engine noise died down, and Mr I`m-too-famous-for-anybody stepped out.

"Oh wow" he purred, "would you look at my girlfriend". He spat the word out. "I even have to tolerate you before the actual meeting. Poor me" he said drily. 

"You? My eye! I`m the one suffering here." I laughed. Dumbass. "Didn`t know that you`re actually able to be on time" I smiled.

"Believe me honey, there`s much more you don`t know about me" he hit back, "and yes, I can be on time as long as some people“ he looked directly at me, ”watch their fucking step" he exclaimed. I eyed his tall figure. He was leaning against the car door, a steely expression on his face.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever" I said and started walking towards the entrance of the building. "You still haven`t apologized" he exclaimed a few metres behind me. I walked on. "Neither did you" I replied. Now he was walking right beside me. Stupid, cocky Jeep driver.

"I have nothing to apologise for" he said. "All right, my fault" I sighed. We both reached for the cab door. Our hands touched for a split second, but I immediatly pulled my hand back as if I got burned. 

"Thank you, but I can open a door by myself" I hissed. He looked at me with an annoyed facial expression. "Sweetie, I have to get in there, too" he replied cockily. "Call me Sweetie one more time, and I`m going to hurt you”

Out of the corner of my eye I saw his head-shaking. Go ahead, I thought. Men are either eaten up with arrogance or stupidity. Ashley came up to us, and Shawn was again by my side. I could feel his presence next to me. His sleeve was touching mine.

"Hey" Ashley sang. "Did you have time to chitchat?" she smiled. Shawn put his arm around me. His cologne surrounded me. "Totally" he purred "I can`t wait to be her boyfriend! She`s the nicest person I`ve ever met!" I rolled my eyes and shook him off. Ashley rolled her eyes. "Come on, let`s go."

I looked at him and shook my head. He shrugged his shoulders and followed Ashley. "Look, I`m the one on time now" he sang. Oh kiss my ass, Mendes!

The contract was signed. Tomorrow I`m going be Shawn`s girlfriend for twelve entire months. Shawn`s voice interrupted my thoughts.

"And there`s really no chance that I get a topmodel as my ´girlfriend`?" he asked. Ashley furrowed her brows. I didn`t care anymore. The whole meeting consisted of such comments up till now.

"What do you mean ´twelve months`?" Shawn asked. Ashley rubbed her temples. "We have to keep this up for twelve months, Shawn" she replied calmly. "I better get free days, Ash. I sure as hell wont spend them all with... this" He looked at me. I just remember being in a rage.

"Whoa, hold on. What`s my reward for this, Ashley?" he asked. "Shawn you are so incredibly annoying. For the hundredth time, this is going to save your damn career!" she exclaimed. "Okay, Gosh, relax" he said, "so, I won`t get any money like her?" he pointed towards me. Ashley looked like she was ready to slap him.

"Shawn, I beg you, behave yourself" she said,  "Y/N will get a good amount of money, but that`s none of your business" She looked at me, "you can work at your part-time job, but only for a day or two in the week. Your main job is this" she stated. Shawn looked directly into my eyes . "What?" I snapped, "why do you even care about that?" His expression went blank. "Believe me, I couldn`t care less".

I sighed. An hour has passed. I was tired. Tired of Shawn`s comments, already tired of the job. "Okay, listen now. Both of you" Ashley said. I looked up. "Go have some dinner tonight." Shawn rolled his eyes. "Paparazzi will follow you for sure, and then they can hypothesise about you two. It won`t be that surprising tomorrow when you announce it, okay?" She looked into Shawn`s eyes. "I talk to you, Mendes. Don`t mess it up" she warned him. "Yes, Ma`am" he replied sarcastically.

Then she turned to me. "You can go like that, you don`t have to change into something else. But you have to, Shawn" He stood up and walked to the door. "Then give me a sec, I`m waiting for her in my car" he pointed into my directions, pulled his phone out of his pocket and walked out of the room. I sighed.

"Hold hands tonight and be nice to each other. You`re literally worse than my two kids" she laughed. She has kids? "I know, he`s annoying. But he ca be nice, too, believe me" she went on. "It`s hard to believe, I know". Oh yeah.

"Can`t really believe that he went for all that" I gestured at me. She giggled. "I called him in the afternoon. It took me nearly two hours to convince him, but I`ve done well. No one contradicts me" she smiled. I bet no one does. "Just call me if he`s being a jerk".

I nodded. "I will."

It was dark outside. My arms were folded, it got really cold. My light cardigan wasn`t really helping that. Ashley told me that someone of her team will drive Sydney home. I walked around Shawn`s Jeep and knocked on the glass. Shawn looked up from his phone. He grinned at me, his long finger hovered over the child lock. He has to be fucking kidding me.

"Shawn please, open the damn door. It`s cold outside" I called. He giggled and I could finally open the door. "It`s so easy to annoy you". I ignored his comment and fastened my seatbelt.

"So" he began, "where you wanna eat?" I shrugged my shoulders and looked out of the window. "Don`t care" I replied. He whistled. "You`re the only girl so far who`s casual about that". I let out a dry laugh. "And you`re the only guy so far who`s bragging about his conquests."

"Whatever" he said, connected his phone to the system and suddenly the voice of John Mayer came out of the loudspeakers. I loved his music, but I remained quiet.

"Have you ever had a boyfriend?" he asked me. "Yeah" I simply said. He snorted. "I`m just trying to start a conversation with you" he snapped and gripped the steering wheel. Start a conversation about my catastrophal past relationship? No, thank you. "Oh, all of a sudden you want to chat with me" I said and looked at him. Yep, he was definitely angry. Again.

"Believe me, it`s going to be a long time with your snippy attitude" he spat. Snippy? It was my turn to snort. "What`s your fucking problem? First you insult me, then you question everything I say and now you want to talk me! Come on, just stop it" I sighed. "You`ve also never called me by my name, so why should I talk to you at all? I just want to get this stupid day over, okay?"

He looked at me but kept his mouth shut. That was a good thing. I was tired of arguing with him. The uncomfortable silence spread in the car.

"We`re here" he said after ten minutes of silent driving. I unbuckled my seatbelt and wanted to open the door, but Shawn spoke up. "I`m going to open it for you, I`ve already seen paparazzi" he said. I snorted. When paparazzi are around, you can act like a gentleman. But I simply nodded and waited for him. He got out of the Jeep, and a few seconds later he opened the door.

I looked at him and he smiled at me. That was the first genuine smile he showed to me, but it didn`t reach his eyes. He`s really attractive... but his personality was trash. He offered me his hand and I took it. He got big hands, my small one practically disappeared in his. I got out of the car and eyed him up. He changed into black skinny jeans and a nude button up. He looked good... okay, Y/N, stop. 

And then it got going. It was a flurry of camera flashes, but Shawn guided me through the crowd and never let go of my hand. Five minutes later we entered the Restaurant and he let go of my hand. "Let`s sit in that corner" he said and pointed to a quiet area. I nodded, still overwhelmed by the paparazzi.

He guided me through the restaurant, his hand on my lower back, and smiled every now and then to different people. Other celebrities?

"Here" he pulled the chair out for me and I sat down. Shawn sat down across from me. "Hey Shawn!" a female voice sounded behind me. Shawn stood up and smiled. "Hi, Hailee" he said and hugged her. Then she turned to me. "Who`s that?" she asked, still smiling. I smiled back. Holy crap, Hailee Steinfeld was standing in front of me!

"That`s my girlfriend" Shawn replied. He sounded happy and confident. He`s a good actor, I`ll give him that. Hailee`s jaw dropped. "No way! You and a girlfirend?! " she shouted, exited and looked at me, "come on , give me a hug. What`s your name?" she giggled. I stood up and hugged her. "Y/N" I said and smiled. I looked at Shawn. He was watching me and nodded. Yeah Shawn, I can act, too.

Hailee let go of me and Shawn put his arm around my waist. "So, how long have you been together?" she asked. Oh shit. I looked up to Shawn. He smiled down at me. "Tomorrow it`s going to be three months" he announced and gave me a kiss on my temple. My heart skipped a beat. Keep the mask on, Y/N!

Shawn continued. "We`re going to announce it tomorrow". Hailee smiled brightly. "I`m so excited! It was nice to meet you, Y/N" she said and hugged me again. "The same to you" I smiled. "See you around, Shawn! Can`t believe you finally found someone!" she sang, smiled once more and walked away.

Shawn let out the breath he was holding and sat down. "All right, we`ve defeated the first challenge, You`re a good actress" he remarked. Wow, the first compliment I received of him. I sat down. "You too" I whispered, afraid that my voice would crack. He kissed me. And it was not real. Why did that bother me anyways? 

He sighed. "Let`s eat something, I`m starving and the paparazzi are still out there."

The drive to my apartment was silent. Jessie Reyez was playing in the backround, and I was lost in my thoughts. The dinner was okay, we didn`t talk that much but we played our roles for the paparazzi. Shawn hummed to himself, pleased with the evening.

"It went well" he said as I fastened my seatbelt. "Yeah, I guess so" I sighed, "Hailee eat it up from us". He nodded. "The rest of the world will do that, too. Just act your part" he said strictly. My feelings were confusing me. His answer made me sad.

"Okay" he said and brought me back to reality, "we`re here." He parked in front of the building I lived in. Sydney was perfectly parked on her usual spot. Thanks, Ashley. I nodded and unbuckled my seatbelt. "Thanks" I whispered. He looked into my eyes. It was... strange, to say at least. He sighed, paused the current song and handed me his phone. He ran his hands through his curly hair. "I should have your number, you know, if I`m detained or something like that."

I couldn`t think of a good remark, so I took it with shaking hands, typed my phone number in and handed the phone back. "Okay" he sighed, "well, see you." He winked at me and I shook my head at him, but all I wanted is to cry. I stepped out of his Jeep, closed the door and ran to the entrance. It was late, past midnight, and the engine noise became lower until it was completely gone.

I walked up the stairs, unlocked the door to my apartment and stepped in. I sat down on the sofa and took a deep breath. So much happened today. My whole life is about to change. My phone in my pocket surred.

I unlocked it and read the three messages.

Ashley Nickelson, 11:03 pm: I just saw the paparazzi photos of you two. It looks great! You`re a great actress ;-) Keep the masquerade up, and don`t forget the meeting tomorrow! 10 am, be on time please

Sierra <3, 11:38 pm: Wow girl, just saw the pics. U look great. And damn, Shawn`s really hot, but sadly an asshole. Sleep well and call me tomorrow! xx

Unknown number, 00:08 am: Hey... it`s Shawn. Just wanted to let you know that this is my number. See ya tomorrow, sleep tight

I put the phone down. Tears started rolling down my cheeks, and I started sobbing. I`m going to live a lie for the next year.

Me @ life

Shawn  in Toronto tonight