Everybody Knows
Everybody Knows
Summary: You want to keep it a secret as long as you can, but living on a pirate ship makes that difficult.
Warnings: Pregnancy, mentions of vomiting, slight food aversions, loving husband Sanji (not a warning tbh haha)
Note: Everyone, hi!! I wrote this before I ever finished 'knowing', and I just couldn't help but to share it here now that that's completed! I loved writing this so much, and yes, this is one of the two one-shots that are connected to 'knowing'! I'll post the second next week most likely! This also takes place about four to five years after the end of 'knowing'! I hope you all will enjoy this!!
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“Sanji, look, look!! It’s positive!”
“Wait. No way, really?!”
Your smiling and giggling while showing off the positive pregnancy test ended up being contagious, Sanji grinning when he saw it as he wrapped you in a tight hug and spun you just a little. He couldn’t do it too much after all! You’d just found you were likely carrying a precious blessing, he didn’t want to make you dizzy or sick or anything!
It’d been nearly four years since your wedding on the Thousand Sunny after the events in Wano, and just about two years since you decided to start trying for a baby, but now! Now you were pregnant! Finally, after what felt like so much longer than it should have been. You hadn’t told anyone that you two were even thinking about having a baby, you wanted to keep it as secret as possible, and it taking almost two years to even get to the point of a positive test was definitely keeping it secret.
Honestly, when you’d told him you wanted to try having a baby, Sanji was ecstatic and nervous all at the same time. Of course he wanted to be a dad, he’d thought about it for so long, especially once you two married. But, with the life of a pirate, it couldn’t be that safe, could it? Obviously others had done it, Gol D. Roger had kids on his ship, Whitebeard did too, and Big Mom had all her kids (don’t remind him of that though, poor man thought he’d never see you again). The world had become moderately safer, people weren’t as terrified of pirates anymore, specifically your crew with how much you had helped others.
When you did tell him, you had made sure no one else was around and that it was about bedtime for most of the crew. You’d stay in the kitchen with Sanji while he finished off the dishes, telling you what he was thinking about cooking the next day for meals most nights, and that was the perfect time. A few of your crewmates came through to wish you both goodnight. Nami had done so early so she could check the map and log pose, making sure you were heading in the right direction. Zoro had the first night shift and had, like always, just requested someone bring him some sake after a while. Brook had chosen to spend some time playing his violin on the deck, Franky was likely in his workshop you thought. Robin came and said goodnight a bit later, saying she’d be joining Zoro in the crow’s nest for a bit with her latest book. You hadn’t been entirely sure about where Jimbei was at first, then heard him on the deck with Brook. Luffy and Usopp had tried to sneak in with Chopper to get a late night snack, making you giggle softly when you saw them come in the door as quietly as they could, before Sanji threw bread at them and chased them out, shouting “that’s all you get! The kitchen is now closed, goodnight unless you want to work!”
Hearing your giggle made Sanji turn back and smile at you, his lovely wife! He still couldn’t believe you two were married some days, just about two years at this point. Before he even started on the dishes, he stopped and gave you a kiss on the top of your head, saying “Once I’m done with the dishes we can head to bed, okay?”
“Sure!”
You tried to keep your focus on your own book while he worked, but your thoughts kept jumping around. You started one thought and lost it, wondering what it was before it came back, and your face heated up at the thought you’d been having the last few weeks anytime you were alone with your dear husband. Every time you’d try and bring the subject of having a baby up to Sanji, someone would interrupt and you’d back down, nervous they’d hear and it would spread around the ship before you even started trying.
You just wanted to be a mom on top of being a pirate, nothing more to it. And you knew Sanji would be an amazing father. No matter how his biological father was, Sanji would be different, he’d had Zeff as his chosen father, his real father. You knew he would be okay.
When Brook started to play what sounded like a familiar lullaby from the East Blue, it made you smile. You checked around quickly to make sure the coast was clear, before getting up from your spot at the table and walking over to Sanji, giving him a hug from behind that made him greet you.
“Sanji~?”
He hummed a bit while finishing drying another dish, “Yes, darling? What can I do for you?”
Smiling just a bit and burying your face in his shirt, you quietly made your request, “I want us to have a baby.”
It was loud enough for him to hear it, nearly causing Sanji to drop the plate in his hand as he choked a bit on his cigarette. Carefully, he set the plate down before turning around and taking your face in his (still damp) hands, trying to make out if you were joking with him or not. All you did in return was smile softly, nothing but love for him in your eyes. Once he realized your smile was sincere and that’s what you really wanted, he smiled widely and nodded, kissing you all over your face.
“Of course, of course, mon amour!!” he was almost as quiet as you were, he could tell you didn’t want anyone else to hear this precious desire yet, “Absolutely, whatever you want, as many as you want!”
You giggled while he kept kissing your face and you wrapped your arms back around his shoulders. "One would be a good start."
Now, you finally had the positive test you’d been anxiously waiting for. Every other one you’d taken that came up negative frustrated both of you at times, but every time it happened, seeing how upset you were, Sanji would just hug you and say it would happen one day, he just knew it would. You’d just keep trying and praying and hoping until it did.
And finally it did. The second line on the test was faint, but you could see it. You had a positive test!
After you two had calmed down from your excitement, you decided to keep the news secret for the time being. You wanted either Chopper or a doctor at the next island to confirm that your test wasn’t a false positive before you told anyone. The ship was due to land at an island that had a large town on it the next day, so Sanji agreed on taking you to a doctor once you did, under the guise of getting some ingredients to store (of course he did need to do that shopping, but making sure you really were pregnant was top priority). You absolutely trusted Chopper as a doctor, but you knew it was likely word would spread sooner than you wanted it to, so you made the choice to go to a doctor once you docked at the next island instead.
Some of your crewmates picked up on how you two acted through the day, but didn’t think too much of it. You guys were sickeningly sweet to each other most of the time anyway, it was gross how lovey-dovey you were (to Zoro anyway). A few times you’d be doing your chores, and someone, namely Robin or Nami, would catch how Sanji, who had been handing drinks and snacks to those who wanted them, would catch you out of the corner of his eye, before quietly watching you for a moment, deciding to go over and offering to take your work off your hands. You just smiled and said he could help if he was that bored and he looked like he wanted to say something, but instead gave a smile and a nod, helping you finish your chores a little faster.
Nami noticed first how weird Sanji was acting towards you. Normally he'd be his regular self, providing her and Robin with drinks and snacks in his normal way, before going over the top to do the same for you. It made sense since you were his wife, but that day he seemed…off? Almost like something had happened to calm him down. His normal acts of treating them like queens were a bit more subdued, and then with you, the one he almost treated like a goddess, he seemed like he'd been hit with a tranquilizer that made him more gentle, soft. It was very odd.
“Hmmm, Robin? Do you think those two are being…weird?”
Robin looked up from her book just enough to see Nami watching you two again; you were playing a card game with Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper, while Sanji stayed nearby just watching. This was the most they'd seen him out of the kitchen in a while, it definitely was odd.
“Sanji is being a bit more protective of her today.”
“Is [Y/N] sick or something?”
“She seems normal to me. Maybe she’s pregnant.”
Nami laughed a little louder than she intended, but it didn’t gain yours or Sanji’s attention. It did gain Luffy's, who looked over wondering what Nami was laughing about before returning his attention to your card game.
“That’d be something.”
Neither girl dared to ask you about it that day, just in case they were incorrect and said something that could be considered offensive. They didn’t even know if you two wanted to have kids in the first place, maybe you just didn’t feel well and Sanji was just being the overprotective husband to his sick wife. The last time you'd been sick he barely left your side and got some help with the cooking so he could take care of you.
When it was dinner time, you were very careful to not let anyone notice how the smell of the fish you were having was making you nauseous. When Luffy asked why you weren't having any, you made the excuse of not feeling very well, deciding to forgo the fish to keep from making yourself sick. It wasn't technically a lie, you just made it sound convincing enough that no one questioned you further.
A silly argument broke out about who would get your share since you weren't eating the fish, and it made you laugh along with Nami. Luffy and Brook both wanted it, Usopp said it should be left for the next day because maybe you'd feel up to eating it then, while Chopper tried to ask you what was wrong and you just told him your stomach was a bit upset, he said he'd give you something to help if you wanted.
You really did impress Sanji with how well you were keeping your little secret. If it weren't for your restraint, he'd have told everyone by now, he was sure of it. It was taking everything in him not to pick up a transponder snail and call Zeff to let him know the good news. He knew you'd let him as soon as it was really, truly confirmed, he was just so anxious to tell someone.
Everyone cleared out after dinner minus you and Robin, she decided to stay behind and help with clearing the table, something you normally did to spend some extra time with your husband that he greatly appreciated.
However, this time, Sanji kept trying to make you stop helping.
"[Y/N], please, sit down! Robin and I will take care of the table." Sanji really, really wanted you to sit down and take it easy. If you were pregnant, you needed rest! You might be growing a whole new person inside you! You'd need all the energy you could have over the next few months!
"Sanji, it's ok! I can help."
"[Y/N]," Robin gave you a smile as she looked between you and Sanji, "if you aren't feeling well, I don't mind helping tonight. You should go let Chopper check you though, just to be certain it's not something to be worried about."
You bit the inside of your lip, wanting to tell Robin why Sanji was being so much more protective over you, but you weren't sure if you should. You viewed her like an older sister, and knew that if you did tell her, she'd keep your secret. Robin would take any secret you told her to the grave. Instead, you looked at Sanji with a slightly pleading look that caused him to just know what you were thinking. Sanji gave you a smile and nodded, which made you smile in return.
"Robin, the only reason Sanji is like this right now is because we got a positive pregnancy test this morning."
Honestly, Robin was joking earlier when she made that suggestion to Nami, but hearing you confirm her silly thought actually made her smile even more at you.
"Really? That's wonderful!"
Nodding, you started to almost beg for her silence on the matter.
"We don't want anyone else to know yet, so I haven't gone to Chopper for real confirmation. We're going to go find a doctor on the next island tomorrow to get a blood test done."
"That's a very good idea, to make absolutely sure your test was positive."
Sanji nodded, setting a hand on your shoulder. "So…could you keep it a secret please? Just until we have it confirmed."
"Of course. Your secret is safe with me."
Robin then joined Sanji even more in telling you to sit and relax, to the point you decided to head to bed with a laugh when Sanji said he didn't mean you had to leave. All you did was kiss him and say you'd see him when he finally came to bed himself.
You took a quick shower, before changing into your pajamas and choosing to lay in bed, hair still a bit wet but you didn't care. You wanted to see that positive pregnancy test again. It still felt surreal to you that it might be happening. You might become a mother in a few months.
The two faint, pink lines were still there, you hadn't been dreaming all day.
Gosh I hope it's not a false positive…
Eventually Sanji did come to bed with you, after his own shower and with his hair still damp too. You barely even moved when he laid down next to you, setting his hand on your stomach while you kept staring at the test.
"It's so weird."
"Hmm?"
"To think that we might be having a baby. It feels weird, doesn't it?"
He nodded a bit, while you finally laid the test back down on your nightstand and turned to face your dearly loved husband with a smile.
"You might get to be a dad soon."
"And you might get to be a mom soon."
Your giggle never failed to make him smile, even more than he already was. Sanji wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you close to him, hugging you and burying his face in your hair.
"I love you…no matter what we find out next, I love you so much."
You returned his hug and sighed happily, content with where you were now. You really hoped and prayed your test was accurate, that soon you'd be parents, you'd have a baby of your own to care for and love as well.
"I love you too, Sanji."
All would be well.
+!+
"All right everyone, I have your allowances for today!"
The normal culprits of bad spending habits cheered or thanked Nami, while you gladly took your decent sum and pocketed it immediately. Of course you wanted to look for some clothes, but you had no idea how much a doctor would charge you for a test, so you hoped the allowance Nami gave to you would be enough for both.
Usually you'd join in on drawing straws to see who stayed on the ship to guard it, but before you even could take one from Usopp, Sanji took your hand and told everyone you had decided you were going with him to get groceries this time. Not a single one of your crewmates questioned it, the rest of them drawing straws and Zoro and Jimbei being the lucky ones to stay on the Sunny. Once everything was settled, the rest of you left the ship and broke off in different directions. You stopped a local and quietly asked her where a doctor or women's clinic was, and she was kind enough to lead you and Sanji there.
After the kind older woman left you, the two of you didn't go inside yet. Your nerves had picked up and Sanji could tell. He felt the same way, you both had the same thought running through heads.
What if it was a false positive? What if all your hopes you'd had over the last 24 hours were about to be dashed and you weren't really going to have a baby?
Despite all the fears and worries, Sanji held your hand just a bit tighter and it brought you out of your thoughts and you looked at him.
"Do you want me to go in with you?"
You thought for a second, then shook your head. "It's ok, I can go. You need to go grocery shopping so we're back on the ship at the meeting time."
Although he really did want to go with you, Sanji nodded and gave you a tight hug, kissing your forehead. "No matter what they say, I love you. You know that right?"
"Of course I do!" You laughed a bit, leaning up to give your sweet husband a kiss. "I love you too, and I know it's all gonna be okay. Meet you here in about an hour?"
Sanji nodded, letting you go but letting his fingers linger on yours as you turned and walked into the clinic. He stayed for a few minutes, before turning to go find the shopping district and get his grocery shopping done by the hour time was up, saying silent prayers that the news you brought back would be good.
+!+
The hour you had agreed on had passed, Sanji was waiting for you outside the clinic nervously. He'd honestly expected you to be outside and waiting for him already, but maybe something was wrong? Did something happen that was keeping you there longer than you expected? He prayed it wasn't something along the lines of you getting your pregnancy confirmed but being told you'd lost the baby already. That would devastate both of you after the time you'd had even just trying to get pregnant.
No, no, don't even think that. Everything is fine.
Every time someone exited the clinic and it wasn't you, Sanji got even more anxious, wishing you'd finally step out. He'd nearly gone through another two cigarettes while waiting, knowing you'd be upset with him over it but he couldn't help it. The nicotine was at least calming his nerves somewhat.
I'll have to apologize to [Y/N] later.
Finally, after another almost twenty minutes, you left the clinic and his nerves calmed a bit more but his heart started racing, wondering what you were going to tell him. You hadn't even looked up from whatever papers you had been given, you were still reading them it looked like. But once you did and saw Sanji was waiting for you, you gave him the brightest smile he thought he'd ever seen from you, even brighter than the one you had when you two got married.
"Sanji!" You ran to him and threw your arms around him, causing him to do the same. He tried to ask you what the doctor said but the words wouldn't come out, but once you pulled back from your hug, you didn't stop smiling. "It was right! We're having a baby!"
Actually hearing you confirm that your pregnancy test was positive made Sanji unbelievably happy. Even though he could feel tears starting, he smiled at you, hugging you again even tighter than before, picking you up and spinning you a bit, and telling you how happy he was. He set you back down and released you from the hug, kissing your face and thanking you for this blessing while you laughed a bit. He didn't need to thank you, not even a little bit. It was your choice and you were glad to be having a baby with him.
After one more kiss, he ended up pulling away from you with a grin, throwing his arms in the air with tears in his eyes.
"I'm gonna be a dad!!!"
+!+
Usopp and Nami were the ones to find out next. The two had been wandering the town when they came up near the clinic Sanji had dropped you off at, not thinking much about it at the time. You had a doctor on the ship, Chopper was the best one possible!
…so why was Sanji standing outside this clinic like he was waiting for something?
"What's he doing?"
"Why would I know that?"
The two were obviously confused. Had you gone inside? Were you that sick? Why didn't you tell Chopper or anyone else?? You could have stayed on the ship instead of letting Sanji drag you to town! Granted yes, he was your husband and you didn't seem to mind at all, but still. If you weren't well, you could have stayed behind and rested instead of running through the town in the few hours Nami had given you all to explore. She had just learned it would take two days for the log to reset, so you had plenty of time to explore! Honestly, sometimes Nami thought Sanji of all people could be a touch more considerate when you said you weren't feeling well.
"[Y/N] did say she had an upset stomach last night," Usopp remembered while watching Sanji light a second cigarette, "maybe they didn't want to bother Chopper and brought her here?"
"Oh come on, they have to be hiding something." Nami was trying to think what could be so important that you two would come to a random clinic on this island instead of just going to Chopper, just as you stepped out and ran to hug Sanji. The two of you were full of smiles and excitement, making her tilt her head. "What's going on?" Nami was trying so hard to hear, she was about to just discreetly walk by and eavesdrop.
"I don't know, I can't hear them." Usopp leaned in a little more, still trying to stay hidden.
The two didn't need to wait any longer to know what you two were saying, as Sanji's outburst of shouting that he was going to be a dad told them everything and Nami gasped while Usopp's jaw dropped almost to the ground.
"She's pregnant!!"
"Did…did they plan that?!"
"Who cares, Usopp! There's gonna be a baby on the ship soon!"
The two were conflicted on if they should confront you now or wait until you told everyone, while they were deciding you and Sanji had started walking back towards the farmer's market to finish the grocery shopping, neither Nami or Usopp noticing until she went to shout for the two of you.
"They're gone! Dang it!"
"Well…I bet they'll tell us later, Nami."
"If they don't," Nami's berri eyes didn't get past Usopp, "I can try offering them some baby funds, at an interest."
"Nothing gets by you."
+!+
Getting back to the ship, you helped Sanji put away all the groceries (despite him telling, begging you to rest), before putting away the very few clothes you ended up purchasing. After paying for your appointment and the prenatal vitamins they gave you, your allowance was about half gone, but you were able to find a few cute clothes you could wear now and some pieces to put away for later on. It was a bit difficult for you to find some maternity clothing items, but you did find some cute pieces! Even more difficult was keeping those pieces hidden when you were showing the other items to Nami, Robin, and Chopper. You made the excuse that they were more intimate items which flew over Chopper's head but made Nami pull a face while Robin laughed a bit.
Nami did keep pestering you about what you did and how you spent all your money this time, but it wasn't that weird to you, she normally asked if anyone had anything left from what she gave them, and if they wanted her to put it away for the next island stop. You almost, almost told her, but just claimed your clothes were more expensive than expected.
Robin was the only person who you pulled aside and confirmed you were pregnant to. She gave you a hug and congratulated you properly, sitting with you in the room you shared with Sanji to get a little more information from you.
You'd told her that yes, this was planned, about two years later than you had originally hoped. You were nine weeks along, and intending to keep it a secret from everyone else until your first trimester was over just to be safe. The doctor you saw had said everything looked good so far, and it gave you immense relief to hear that.
Your plan was to stay on the ship the next day and tell Chopper so he could start to prepare for whatever he'd need to do to help you through your pregnancy and delivery, but you wanted to wait and tell everyone else once you passed the twelve week mark. Robin said she'd absolutely help as well, she even gave you a few books on pregnancy that you and Sanji could read through.
The rest of the day, Nami and Usopp wondered if you or Sanji were going to say anything about your having a baby. Not one word slipped from either of you, and it was starting to frustrate both of them. At dinner you were able to eat, Sanji quickly catching on that fish was making you nauseous, so he ended up making some meat instead which greatly pleased your captain.
"Sanji!! Seconds!" Luffy whined a bit and Sanji told him to hold on while he got a bit more ready, making Luffy lean over on you, "[Y/N]~~~ can I have some of yours??"
"No, Luffy!" Sanji looked over his shoulder and set a small glare on him, "[Y/N] needs her dinner!"
"But she always shares it with me~!"
"She can't right now!"
"Why not???"
"Because she–"
"--I'm starving after being sick yesterday!"
You nodded, eyes slightly wide as you realized Sanji was that close to revealing your pregnancy earlier than planned. He covered his mouth when you shouted over the two, turning back to the stove and cursing at himself.
Almost blew it, holy crap.
"But I want meeeeeaaaaat."
"You can have some vegetables, Luffy."
Luffy made a face and decided it wasn't worth it, he'd wait for more meat to be cooked. Franky was willing to share with him though, which made your captain happy at least. Once you had finished eating, you took your plate to the sink and stopped to give Sanji a hug, he whispered sorry to you, but you just shook your head, leaning up to kiss his cheek.
“No worries, my dear.”
“Yohohoho, you two are so loving even with a baby on the way!”
Everything went silent. Your crewmates all stopped eating, the sound of silverware on plates was quieted as they stopped to stare at you with widened eyes, and both you and Sanji went completely stiff, you started feeling ill.
How the hell did Brook know?! You hadn’t told anyone apart from Robin, and were fairly certain Sanji didn’t tell anyone after you left him alone earlier to start on dinner. Nami had been a little persistent with you, asking you a lot of questions earlier but you didn’t tell her anything, and you didn’t know at the time that Zoro had even questioned Sanji about why he wasn’t smoking as much. Usopp knew Sanji was close to shouting at Luffy that you were pregnant, and now Chopper realized you feeling nauseous last night made more sense. Robin smiled a bit since she already knew, and Franky hadn’t thought to question anything yesterday or today, honestly thinking you were sick and Sanji was just trying to quit smoking. Jimbei had noticed you feeling sick earlier than anyone, but assumed you’d just caught something since you all were constantly out at sea and stopping at various islands, you could have picked up any kind of illness.
Luffy never questioned a thing, but hearing Brook’s statement made him break into a large grin.
“You guys are having a baby?!”
Your nausea was back, and Sanji could see it in how pale your face was becoming as you, back still turned to the table, tried to figure out whether to confirm, deny, or start asking how Brook knew.
“I…” You felt worse while trying to decide what to say, covering your mouth with your hand.
“[Y/N]? Are you–”
“I’m gonna be sick.”
You pulled away from Sanji and ran out of the kitchen with your hand still over your mouth, making several of your crewmates yell for you, while Robin had run after you. Sanji almost ran after you as well, before realizing he needed an answer from a certain musician first. He set a glare on Brook that made him shudder.
“You. Who the hell told you that?!”
Brook continued to shudder while everyone else couldn’t believe the glare Sanji was giving him.
“T-t-the test was still in the bathroom trash this morning! I-i-it was only n-natural for me to assume!”
“Damn it,” Sanji pulled at his bangs, cursing himself for not suggesting you threw that in the kitchen trash or hid it under your bed until you were ready to tell people, and really wishing he could light a cigarette right then, “Fine, all right?! We’re having a baby! She’s nine weeks and we were gonna tell you all once she was past the first trimester, but guess everyone knows now!”
“Sanji–”
“You guys take care of putting the food away and the dishes, I’m going to go comfort my pregnant wife!”
Sanji threw down his apron and ran out of the kitchen after you and Robin, causing Nami to shout for him, but she didn’t follow him.
Everyone that was left, was completely silent, all mulling over the news that you and Sanji were going to be parents soon.
“S-so,” Brook was still a little shaky after seeing how angry Sanji was, “uh, did anyone else know?”
Nami and Usopp raised their hands, heads down. They only found out by mistake, but both felt awful at your precious secret basically being revealed against your will. Surprising everyone though was Zoro who nodded.
“Wait, how did you know Zoro??”
“He told me earlier.”
“He what?!”
Rolling his eye a bit, Zoro nodded again while taking a drink of his sake. “I mentioned that he hadn’t been smoking and he ended up telling me. I didn’t want all that information dumped on me but he seemed like he was anxious to tell someone. I just happened to be the first person he talked to.”
That made more sense than Sanji just deciding Zoro would be the first person he told. It became quiet again, Luffy was thinking and pressing his index finger to his forehead before he finally said something.
“So…why did Sanji say they were waiting?”
“Well,” Chopper spoke up, a little shell shocked that he was going to have to take care of a pregnant woman on the ship, but a bit excited about it, “A lot of couples wait until after twelve weeks because the chance of miscarriage is higher before then. It’s never really zero, but waiting until after the first trimester is common practice, by then they’re more confident that the baby will make it.”
“Oh, I see!” Luffy started laughing after that, a grin on his face that seemed to start spreading to his crewmates as the information sunk in. “They’re gonna be awesome parents! I bet it’s a boy!”
“Oh no,” Nami shook her head with a small glare, “It’s got to be a girl, we need more girls on this ship!”
“I can make some SUPER toys for them!”
“I’ll make sure the baby and [Y/N] are both healthy!”
“Would playing lullabies for the child make up for this?”
“Imagine if the cook’s kid wants to be a swordsman.”
“I have some great stories of bravery and adventure to tell them!”
“I’m sure they’ll be great no matter what the child is or what they decide to do in the future.”
The other eight members of your crew continued discussing their own ideas of what your child would be like, working to clean up dinner, when Nami stopped and bit her lip.
“What’s wrong, Nami?” Luffy tilted his head at her as she stopped gathering the plates.
“I feel bad that she got sick because of this. We all made [Y/N] so nervous after Brook said they were having a baby. I hope she’s not too upset.”
“Even if she is,” Zoro had started to leave, but stopped to listen to Nami’s concerns, “the cook will take care of it. He’s her husband after all.”
+!+
“Can I get you some water, [Y/N]?”
“Thank you, Robin, but I’m fine at the moment.” You sighed a bit and leaned against your pillows, Robin nodding as she sat beside you on your bed. You’d completely lost your dinner after you ran off, Robin staying with you to keep your hair back and help you get back to your room until Sanji got there.
He almost burst into your shared room a few minutes later, running over and hugging you close.
“Are you all right, mon amour??”
Nodding, you just hugged him back. “I’m okay. I’m…upset, but otherwise just fine.”
"Rightfully so," Sanji nodded, stroking your hair a bit, "We've barely had time to process this and it's already out."
"How did–"
"The test was still in the bathroom trash can."
Hearing that, you realized it was your fault in the end, for not being more careful about how you disposed of the test. Whining a bit you leaned against Sanji again. "I'm an idiot. I didn't even think about someone seeing it there…"
"Hey, you're not an idiot. Anyone else would have done the same thing," Sanji leaned down just enough to kiss your forehead which made Robin smile before she took her leave, knowing he would make things right, "it didn't even cross my mind that we should've put it somewhere else."
"I should've tossed it overboard."
"I don't think any of the fish want something that's been peed on, love."
That made you burst out laughing, so hard you almost felt like you were going to be sick again but you knew you weren't. Seeing you smile and laugh made Sanji smile as well, as he crawled into bed by you and pulled you back into his arms. He was glad to see you smiling and laughing after the disaster that had been dinner. You deserved to be happy about having a baby, not stressed because it got out earlier than you had planned.
Once you calmed down, you laid there and stared at the ceiling for a bit, Sanji still holding you and rubbing your arm to help comfort you as you thought.
"I'm not that mad at Brook for bringing it up."
"I'm pissed at him."
"Sanji."
"It wasn't his secret to tell."
You sighed with a nod, turning to be face to face with your equally as upset husband, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. "I know…but now I don't feel like I have to agonize over how to tell everyone."
"I…suppose that's true…"
Thinking about the reactions you got from your crewmates, you smiled a little.
"Luffy sounded happy."
"He did, didn't he?"
"He probably thinks this means new crewmate, instead of what is essentially his niece or nephew."
Sanji laughed, nodding. "That's exactly what he thinks, I'm sure of it."
The two of you spent what felt like hours just talking about your day, the insanity of it all. Finding out you really were pregnant, that secret getting out during dinner and making your morning/evening sickness come back, and the likely reactions of your crewmates. You talked until you started dozing off, Sanji quieting his voice when he noticed you were falling asleep. Once you were asleep, he stayed at your side a few minutes longer, before deciding he needed a shower and to check the kitchen before bed.
Before he got up and left, Sanji tucked you in a bit, kissing your forehead with his hand resting on your stomach lightly.
"Sleep well. I love you both so much."
+!+
Breakfast the next morning was weirdly quiet. You'd helped Sanji get everything ready, once again despite him telling you to sit down and relax, to rest since you know, you were growing a whole new person in your womb, you needed as much energy as possible. You just ignored him, smiling and setting the table quickly as everyone else started to file in. Brook had found you earlier in the morning and apologized for the night before, which you accepted with a bright smile, telling him everything was fine.
Sanji still was angry but couldn't find it in him to glare at the skeleton anymore. If you were willing to forgive, Sanji would find a way to do that himself.
During breakfast, Luffy stood up with his drink in hand, making everyone look at him while he grinned. He wanted to toast something obviously, and everyone else raised their drinks to his.
"To Sanji and [Y/N]'s baby! Our future crewmate and niece or nephew! Hopefully nephew though!"
Everyone else laughed and shouted cheers, taking a drink, while you were fighting back tears. You hadn't fully expected all of them to be so accepting of the idea of a baby on board, but what else did you expect?
This ragtag group was your family now, your baby would have no shortage of protectors or joy in their life.
Sanji, the ever attentive husband he was, smiled just a bit seeing the happy tears in your eyes. He leaned over with a kiss to your temple, whispering "It's ok to cry if you're happy."
And you did, just a bit. You thanked Luffy, thanked everyone for being so wonderful and accepting of your baby, who hadn't even been born yet. Most of your crew responded in kind, telling you their thoughts of how they could help when the baby was born, offering to decorate a nursery, asking if you want a boy or girl. Everything they could think of that would help you and Sanji to settle into your roles of mom and dad in a few months. They offered to split up your chores among them, something you asked them not to do until later into your pregnancy. You still wanted some semblance of a routine before you gave birth and had to devote all your time to a tiny human.
Eventually, breakfast had its own little squabble as Luffy snatched the last piece of bacon when Usopp and Franky were reaching for it, a small brawl breaking out. It made Sanji yell for them to be careful around you, leading Franky and Usopp to drag Luffy to the deck to continue their little spat.
You laughed, leaning back in your chair and giving Sanji a smile.
"I love our weird family."
"Hmmm, so do I, mon amour."
All would be well, when you had your baby in a few short months. They would be welcomed with a flurry of love and adoration, not just from you and Sanji, but from everyone else as well.
Can't wait to meet you, little angel.
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More Posts from Mythoswarrior-23
𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚂𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝙿𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗?
Warnings: Mentions of insecurities, mentions of the reader having muscles and being pretty strong, as per request
Send me the name of your favorite character and I’ll write a drabble for them! :)
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“He’s just so cute, Nemuri.” Toshinori heard your voice mutter quietly from inside the staff room, freezing in place after realizing he stopped by just a moment too late after overhearing the last bit of your gossip to your fellow teacher Midnight. He could practically hear the way your face was heating up as you spoke, sounding so infatuated with this mystery person that he could feel his heart sink in his chest.
You two had been brought on to the teaching staff at UA at the same time, eager and excited to be a part of such an amazing school and to help educate such hardworking, dedicated students. Because you started at the same time the two of you had bonded quite a bit, spending most of your lunches together and chatting when you had the chance. Toshinori had developed quite the attraction to you, in fact, though he never planned on telling you that of course. The poor man’s confidence in his appearance could only be found when he was in his muscle form, and in his mind, there was no way you could like him in his small form, too plain and boring to catch the eye of someone as stunning and perfect as yourself.
These insecurities only deepened after hearing you talk about how cute you found someone else, though he quickly wiped the frown off of his face in favor of making a quick transformation into his muscle form. As much as it hurt him to hear that you liked someone else, he wanted to find out who it was in hopes that it might help him get over you faster, and he was better at concealing his true emotions when in his muscle form.
“Who is?” He boomed, entering the room with false confidence as he smiled brightly at you. Every face in the room suddenly went white at his appearance, however, everyone but yours. It immediately felt as if he had walked into a conversation he was definitely not meant to be a part of, even though you didn’t seem to mind at all. 'Strange', he thought, his self-consciousness returning to him at the unwelcome feeling brought on by his colleagues’ stares.
“Oh hey All Might, I didn’t notice you there!” You chuckled, seeming slightly embarrassed to be caught gushing about whoever you were so infatuated with. “I guess I was talking louder than I realized.”
Toshinori saw the way Mic tried to shoot you a warning glance, seemingly shocked at the fact that the two of you were conversing so easily, but he tried to pay their stares no mind as you opened your mouth to begin speaking again.
“There’s just this guy I’ve been thinking about lately.” The shyness returned to your voice, ignoring the way Nemuri was shaking her head “no” at you as you stared at the floor, completely oblivious to your coworkers’ panic. “Do you… do you know Toshinori? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you guys together before, but I'm pretty sure he started around the same time as both of us.” You mumbled.
“He’s just so… pretty, and sweet. He’s a really great guy, I think you’d like him.”
You could hear the smack every one of your colleagues landed on their own foreheads in secondhand embarrassment from a mile away, each of them going silent all of a sudden and looking at you with a pity that you didn’t understand. What was going ON with them today, why were they all being so weird all of a sudden? Sure, All Might was amazing (he was the #1 hero for a reason, after all) but he was also your friend and colleague, so you didn’t see any reason to keep this information from him like they all seemed to want you to.
You began to wonder if you really had done something wrong, however, when All Might’s jaw dropped open in response to your confession, his face flushing a bright red before he managed to compose himself enough to squeak out a, “Uh… really? Are you sure?”
You were beyond confused at this point, not understanding why even he had started acting strange and doubting you now. Why the hell was he acting this way? And why was the room so silent you could hear a pin drop? You didn’t think All Might and Toshinori had ever even met before, so you couldn’t understand his strange behavior all of a sudden.
As you and All Might stood there, staring at one another in confused, shocked silence, Aizawa made his way up to the two of you, finally joining in on this conversation with a look of pity flashing across his face as he looked at you. “Y/n…” He muttered, pointing towards All Might with a look of pure secondhand embarrassment as he did so. “All Might is Toshinori, you idiot.”
You froze at your friend’s words, unable to process what he had said and what it meant for you.
“...They’re the same person?” You managed to squeak out eventually, eyes blown wide in shock as you failed to say anything else. As if on cue, All Might took that as his cue to transform back into his smaller form, the blush on his face only growing brighter as he was unable to meet your awestruck gaze.
Suddenly everything made sense to you, why you never knew what Toshinori’s quirk or hero name was, why you never saw him and All Might together.
Why everyone had gone so silent, and why the atmosphere was now BEYOND tense.
Toshinori could see the realization hit you, however, alongside a wave of shame upon realizing you had just confessed your crush on him right to his face. So, before you could let your embarrassment consume you and run off, he took your firm, strong hand in his, gently linking your fingers together as he gave you a wobbly smile.
“Don’t worry, Y/n. I like you too.” He told you, sincerity flowing through his voice despite the shyness of being watched by all of your coworkers in that moment. “I’ve been attracted to you ever since I first saw you, you’re so strong and your quirk is amazing. I just can’t… I cant believe you like me, in this form. Not as all Might, but just… me.”
He sounded so stunned, so amazed that you could possibly like him for him rather than for All Might, that all your doubts instantly washed away and you leaned over to press a kiss to the shy man’s cheek to reassure him. You wanted to lift him in your arms right then, to pick him up and show off just how strong you were for him and make him a flustered mess right that moment, but you decided to save that for later. You didn’t want to make the poor man combust, after all. “It’s always been you, Toshinori. I’ve liked you ever since I came here.” You told him, neither of you able to wipe the lovesick grins off your faces at this point. “This was definitely not how I planned on confessing to you, but…” You paused, looking around to see that your coworkers' expressions had shifted from ones of pity to looks of endearment and encouragement. “If it means I get to go out on a date with you, I suppose I can live with the embarrassment.”
“That sounds like a wonderful idea, Y/n.” Toshinori replied immediately, beaming from ear to ear as the two of you made your way to a table further in the back of the staff lounge to discuss plans for your first date away from the prying, nosy looks of your fellow co-workers. As embarrassed as you were about the whole situation, you were thankful that none of them had stepped in and stopped you from embarrassing yourself due to your misconception. If they had, you may never have had the chance to go on a date with the man you’ve admired since you first set foot into this school, so you said a silent thank-you to each of them as you and Toshinori began ironing out the details fo your first date.
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Request - Anonymous said: said: Drabble for Toshinori Yagi please? I like the skinny French fry man 😆 Maybe for a new teacher at UA who started at the same time as him, and she's got a blade quiork. She's tall, and has a build sorta like Nana(she's a muscle queen. love her). She's got a crush on skinny Yagi(small might), and she ends up gushing/confessing to fellow teacher All Might about her crush on him(small might), not knowing that they are the same person. Please and thank you!
A/N: …Sorry, this was NOT supposed to be this long lol. I know these are supposed to just be drabbles, but this idea was really fun and I ended up getting just a bit carried away lol. I had a lot of fun writing this though, it was such a cute idea and I’ve been wanting to write more for the pro-heroes lately! I’m sorry I didn’t get to add more about the reader’s quirk that you requested, I just wasn’t sure how to work it in naturally but if you’d like me to write a follow-up including more hero-related things, I can totally do that too! I hope you guys enjoy this lol, if you have any requests my inbox is open so feel free to send them in! :D
If you’d like to be added to any of my taglists, you can fill out this form here! Thank you for your support <3
nine months
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synopsis : texts between you and the jjk men during your pregnancy
characters : gojo, geto, nanami, choso, toji, sukuna
info : fem!reader, fluff fluff n more fluff, swearing, slight spoilers in gojo’s ig if you even catch it, descriptions of pregnancies, talks of morning sickness in choso’s, and talks of contractions, petnames used : lovely lady, sweetheart, baby, girl, woman
a/n : was tempted to make a mpreg joke somewhere but i talked the demons out of it
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Jessica Rabbit Effect pt. 4
So a lot of people have asked what if Crocodile & Mihawk found out about Buggys hot wife. So here we are!
Previous <<<
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Masterlist <<
• Buggy would be dragging his feet and reluctant on letting you go.. Truthfully he wanted to keep you on his little island village were you could live in ignorance and bliss. (Cause he's possessive)
• However it seemed some things couldnt be helped-
• Especially after your kidnapping attempt. So he felt safer dragging you with him to the Cross Guild meeting-
• "I'm so nervous" You admit, stepping in land as he kept you close.
• "Don't be- You'll be fine. I promise nothing will happen" He stated confidently, you assuming because these men were his friends- (While Buggy ment he'd kill to make sure no one harmed you)
• Once inside you saw them- And you damn near were ready to run back to the ship..
• They looked so much scarier in person!
• Craning your head up to meet the two massive men- Your nerves now all over the place as they just seemed to stare down at you.
• Hard-
• Your hand instinctively squeezing Buggy for reassurance.
• "Croc, Hawk- This is my Wife (Y/N)" Buggy said calmly with a hint of irriation in his voice at having them meet you at all, keeping a secure hand on your waist as you smiled softly at the two infamous men, still a bit nervous.
• "It's lovely to meet you both"
• Sir Crocodile and Mihawk exchanged puzzled glances as they stood before Buggy's wife.
• Perplexed-
• This pretty women was Buggy's wife?- Sure they had both heard rumors that she was apparently attractive but they assumed this was just Buggy's dramatic words floating around.
• However you were actually gorgeous!?
• Crocodile muttered, "Lovely to meet you as well-" Migawk nodding in greeting to you.
• "I know its a bit short notice me coming here and all, vut I made you both some gifts as a gesture of kindness" You say so sweetly as you reach into your bag and pull out the nice gifts for both of them nicely wrapped in colored tissue paper. Mentally praying Buggy's information was correct.
• Both Guild Leaders took the gifts in question- Still assuming something about this was fishy as both slowly ripped the tissue paper to take a peak at what you'd made.
• You had made a beautiful silk orange gold puff tie for Sir Crocodile since Buggy kept saying he was wearing a 'scarf' as a tie (But you knew better that it's a Puff Tie and not a scarf)
• And for Sir Mihawk you made him a white ocean cotton button down with front frills, you didn't make it as dramatic as you typically made Buggys but it was a incredibly pretty and beautiful shirt that would be comforble to wear whenever.
• Both men stared at the gifts, like they were trying to figure out what sort of trickery this was.
• "You made these?" Mihawk questioned at first,
• "I'm a seamstress" You state calmly, a bit worried they wouldn't be interested. However smiled when Crocodile complemented your craft and the quality of the tie.
• Once inside the main meeting room, conversation flowed naturally, You chatting up both men so they could become familiar with you. Even telling them the story of how you and Buggy met all those years ago.
• "Are you wanted to married him?-" Crocodile mused, taking another drag of his cigar.
• "Of course! He's so sweet afterall" Buggy looked miffed by Crocodiles words and the fact you gushed so much-
• Mihawk was the most interested in you however, taking sips of wine as he looked over you calmly.
• "Would you reconsider your marriage for a more suitable option?-" He so bluntly asked which made you blink in total surprise.
• "HEY!" Buggy yelled, Wrapping a protective arm around you as he began to yell at Mihawk for daring to 'hit on' his lovely wife- His temper definitely getting the best of him.
• Buggy throwing a full on tantrum now as he pointed a finger at Mihawk and screamed at him. The yellow eyed man grabbing his sword in warning-
• You flushed in embrassment and patted Buggys arm gently to calm him down before he got chopped to bits. "No No- I'm very happy in my marriage and love my husband dearly. I wouldn't choose anyone else-"
• Buggy stopped his little tantrum and seemed to be soothed by your gentle hands and soft words.
• Both pirates respecting such a loyal trait and moving on from such conversations.
• Both Guild Leaders found you quite enjoyable- You had wonderful humor, great in terms of conversation and essentially made up for everything your husband lacked.
• Work did take place however, Buggy and the two men talking over strategies of wealth and gaining a greater sense of power between them all.
• They did however find it irritating they couldn't beat Buggy's ass like normal- Seeing how it would upset you and the man seemed to be practically glued to you.
• By the time for you and Buggy to retire, Maps, Plans and even money had been exchanged-
• As the meeting delved later. Food and Alcohol was served, which left you full and a bit tipsy. Leaning your head on Buggy's shoulder as you soon fell asleep against him.
• "(Y/N)? Buggy said softly, claiming his arm to properly secure you against him as he saw your sleeping form.
• "Seems it's time to go our separate ways" Migawk said calmly, having finished off 4 bottles of wine himself and not too far behind you in terms of sleep. Crocodile wiping his mouth of the crumbs with a napkin as he set his near finished cigar on a ash tray.
• "Yes.." Buggy said softly, scooping you up with care.
• "....Since my wife is asleep- I need to say this to you both"
• Buggy didn't look at the two of them just stroking your hair as you slept- "I will only speak this once... If you two hurt my wife or make her upset in any way- Death will be the kindest thing I can give to you"
• They had always know Buggy hid his true abilities and simply didn't take things seriously- But they saw you were his only button.
• His only weakness-
• No words were exchanged, but a silent agreement seemed to settle on the three men.
• You were off limits.
• Buggy carried you out of the meeting hall, taking you to his private quarters so you could rest properly. Already mentally mapping out changing you into your nice PJs-
• The two men left behind watching their peer leave with his prized wife. Crocodile muttered, "How did Buggy manage to snag such a pretty and sweet wife?"
• Mihawk, equally mystified nodding in agreement.
• "It's a mystery as profound as the Grand Line itself."
Extra!-
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"I can't believe those dirty bastards got you to make them clothes!" Buggy yelled, stomping his foot dramatically as he watched you sew at a purple and gold vest which clearly would belong to Crocodile by the large size.
You sitting in your favorte chair, dressed in comforble clothes as you continued to work into the evening in the home you shared with your dramatic husband.
"I make all your clothes" Gesturing to his low riding pajama pants and socks he was currently sporting. He waved this off with a dramatic eye roll-
"That's different your my wife and I still pay for your time since it's important! and they shouldnt get it fre-"
"They are paying me Buggy Boo" You cut him off quickly, taking the winds from his sails as he stopped mid rant.
"Eh?" He said confused, not knowing what you were talking about. You reach into your vanity next to you and handed your husband the letter both men had slipped you when you'd first met them in the guikd hall.
"They have me a lump some for 5 peices of clothes for each of them. 2 pairs of trousers, 2 shirts and a special item for each. For Crocodile he wanted this vest Im working on- and for Mihawk to restore a coat he liked" You explained, Buggy raising a brow at this news as he opened the letter quickly and read over how much they offered for such peices.
....
"GAHH!-"
Buggy yelled as he fell to the ground foaming at the mouth at seeing the large number.
15,000,000 Beri for each man....
He couldn't complain-
Well not about the men paying you so handsomely but about having to become the grumpy delivery man for his wife once the clothes were finished.
When he went to the meeting handing his two peers the clothes they had specially bought from you in the nice boxes youd always packed everything in.
Both men quick to open them and look over their new purchased goodies. Mihawk immediately putting on the repaired coat after seeing its quality- which was better then when he bought it.
"Tell your wife I'd like to make another commission when she has free time- I'll pay double" Mihawk said smoothing out the coat and seeing the nice gold pattern on the sleeves and nice red satin insides of the inner coat.
Crocodile adjusting his orange Puff Tie and he nodded in agreement and went through his box with great satisfaction. "Same for me as well-"
"I fucking hate you both..."
Roger and Jessica Rabbit Effect
Buggy Headcanon. Buggy x Reader
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Prequel <<<
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• This Goofy Motherfucker definitely has a hot wife no one knows about-
• As his personal seamstress you tailor his clothes and make his costumes for all his best costumes. However he adores you, You are his everything.
• Buggy never talks about you, for good reason since he doesn't want any eyes to fall onto you and put you in a dangerous spotlight. Many Pirates didn't talk about their S/O and it was always smart to not to.
• You however were fairly ignorant of the pirate food chain. So you did gush about your husband but no one knew exactly who he was- some mysterious drifter that seemed to appear and disapear like the wind.
• It being a total accident how you were discovered.
• The Strawhat Pirates of course were the ones to discover you by accident when they landed in a small island in need of fabric for the ship sails. The dock master telling them your shop most likely had the fabrics needed.
• Once in your shop you treated them kindly and ignored the obvious flirting from Sanji who was enamored by you.
• "I have just the fabric for your ships" You said cheerfully, not noticing Zoro who was staring hard at the gold necklace that hung around your neck.
• "You're associated with the Buggy Pirates-" Zoro stated as he pointed to the necklace seeing Buggy's Jolly Roger stamped on ots pendent.
• "Hm? Oh I suppose, I'm not apart of the crew or anything but my husband is" You say cheerfully as you pull out some bundles of fabric.
• "Your husband?" They all question now highly interested, Such a pretty person like you being married to anyone apart of Buggy's crew was surprising.
• You giggle at their curious faces finding it adorable. "Yes my Husband, The Captian himself Buggy"
• "..."
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• "YOURE BUGGY'S WIFE!?!" They all scream in total terror at how You could be married to that juggling buffoon
• Sanji has an crisis in the corner of your shop as he tries to figure out how he is still single yet Buggy the Clown is married to a hottie!?
• "D-Did he brain wash you? Threaten you?" Nami begs, Holding your hand like you needed some form of comfort.
• "No?- of course not" You say confused and raising a brow at the young pirates all so confused.
• "But you're so pretty, and Nice?-" Usopp points out.
• "Well he's very romantic and sweet" You gush, the youthful pirates staring at you with a deadpan stare.
• "Buggy- Romantic and Sweet?" They all say in disbelief unison.
• "That and he makes me laugh"
• Blushing you go on to explain how loving your sweet husband was, how even though he was out to see most of the time at sea he would constantly send gifts, love letters and more. The crew in shock at this.
• You were such a sweet person, the Strawhats all couldn't help but adore you. Even offering them dinner which they didn't refuse and spending a night in the spare rooms of your home above the shop-
• Seeing the photos of you and Buggy together also adding as a confirmation of your stories. By morning you sent them on their way in new clothes some fabrics for the ships sails, and some leftovers you insisted they take.
• "You kids have a safe journey!" You chime out as the group leaves waving bye and even a few giving some hugs goodbye. Luffy smiling widely at you as you wave to him-
• "Oh before I forget. Would you mind giving this to Buggy next time you see him? You seem to run into him a lot" You say cheerfully as you hold out a blue wrapped box to the young Captian.
• Luffy smiled at this as he took the small box and pocketed it.
"Of course Mrs (Y/N)!" He said cheerfully skipping away with the rest of the crew to return to sea.
• It would be about a month before they crossed paths with Buggy-
• "Straw Hat!!" Buggy yelled as he saw them, his head floating from his body in normal flashy fashion.
• After a mild confrontation were as per usual Buggy got his ass handed to him, The Strawhats were about to leave when Luffy remembered something.
• "Oh- By the way Mrs (Y/N) told us to give you this and-" Luffy says calmly as he reached into his pockets remebering the gift box you handed him- Buggy's whole body going as stiff as a board as he turns to the strawhats with his pupils as small as possible and his body seeming to come apart at the seams.
• It was the first time Luffy or anyone felt a threatening Haki from Buggy starting to drip out like a dam about to burst, in seconds the Clown was holding Luffy by his shirt with a great force.
• Zoro hand started to rest on their weapons as for the first time in a long time Buggy looked- Threatening?
• "Who told you about (Y/N)" Buggy hissed dangerously- Luffy gearing up for another fight one far more serious but then he saw it-
• Buggy was angry/scared and thinking they were a threat to your safety. Luffy pulling out the gift box calmly and smiling.
"Don't worry your secret is safe"
• Buggy stared at Luffy before his free hand took the box and dropped the Strawhat pirate, quickly tearing open the blue box and looking inside. His eyes softening as he saw a new set of gloves inside and a bandana. Slipping off his worn white gloves for the brand new set you'd sown. As well as reading the scribbled note you'd left for him- A crooked smile on his lips at your handwriting and the terrible Nickname you gave him. 'Buggy Boo'
• He glares at the Strawhats his normal fashion. "GET OUT OF HERE STRAWHATS!' He yelled loudly stomping his food dramatically
• A thought crossing all their minds-
• 'Has he been just goofing off this whole time to keep you safe?-"