How To Woo The Acting Grand Sage 101

— how to woo the acting grand sage 101

wherein you pull out all the stops in an effort to persuade alhaitham on why he should date you, only… he woos you instead?!

CONTAINS : gn!reader, 7.8k wc, fluff, (attempts at) humour, angst if you squint, reader gets ill from overwork in one part, slight spoilers for 3.2 archon quest (brief mentions/recap of end events)

A/N : reader is struggling but they’re trying their best, alhaitham is a (smitten) menace and bad at feelings (kinda); the embodiment of u fall first, he falls harder (i just think we need more energetic/cute readers with haitham TヘT)

It wasn’t anything special. Really. Just you, your first day jitters, and the calm boy beside you in his Haravatat beret; the same one as yours.

Perhaps he’d noticed your flitting eyes, your shifting feet, or your wrung hands that swung gently in front of your robe-clad body because, when your eyes met (and, oh, what pretty eyes he had), he gave you a small nod. Of what? Comfort? Acknowledgement? Salutations?

You couldn’t tell, and you couldn’t ask. By the time you regained your senses he’d already walked off, the blank space beside you feeling strangely empty.

It wasn’t anything special.

But to you, that one, singular moment was all you needed; the comfort it gave was immeasurable, your first day jitters nonexistent.

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OMG IM DONE! IM DONE WITH THE FUCKING POPE-

Finally revisiting my old style of coloring lmao

sleepyhead. (version two.)

in which you can fall asleep at the drop of a hat, at the most unconventional of places, which is how the traveller and paimon find out about your relationship with him.

pairing. alhaitham, lyney x gn reader

tags. fluff, slight(?) crack, established relationship

notes. i wanted to write an alhaitham & lyney part for this idea that day but got tired so i dIDNT but here they are <3 also mightve sorta gotten carried away at lyneys part...

neuvillette & scaramouche vers.

“Paimon's so tired she could sleep for days,” Paimon complains, flopping against Lumine's shoulder. She points at someone off to the side. “Like that person over there! Paimon doesn't know why they don't just go inside their house to sleep, though.”

Lumine turns, curious. And there you were, slumped in the corner of the porch, clutching a lunchbox in one hand with a few books balancing atop it.

“Wait, isn't that Alhaitham's house??”

It was.

“Why's some random person sleeping on Alhaitham's front door? Let's go check them out!” Suddenly re-energized, Paimon floats over to your sleeping body.

You donned the uniform of an Akedemiya scholar, and on closer inspection, the books you held were on a variety of topics. Architecture, astrology, marine biology...? Lumine was vaguely reminded of Layla.

“We should wake them up. Alhaitham surely won't be happy to find someone in front of his house like this.” Paimon then glances around surreptitiously, voice lowering into a hushed whisper. “Plus, if they wake up when Kaveh comes home...”

Lumine sighs, giving your shoulder a gentle shake. You don't stir, not one bit. She moves to try again, crouching down to your level when—

“Don't.”

Paimon shrieks.

“Don't scare Paimon like that!” she whines, whirling around to face Alhaitham.

Lumine stands herself, tilting her head to the side curiously. Paimon asks the question for her. “Why not? Do you know them? Don't tell me you're friends — Paimon thought you didn't have any friends! Ahem. No offence.”

“None taken,” he says.

The most oddest thing happens then. He stoops down, a hand around your back, the other supporting your legs. He picks you up easily, and you only snuggle closer toward his chest, as if on instinct.

“Help me pick their things up. Thank you.”

“Wait, so you know them?” Paimon chirps in, filling the silence with ease as Alhaitham unlocks the door, allowing everyone inside.

Alhaitham nods. “I do. In fact, we are partners.”

“Like, in work or...?”

“As in romantically.”

Lumine studies the position the both of you were in. Your head buried in his chest, his arms tight around your figure. He raises an eyebrow, ever so slightly challenging, and she decides to say nothing. Aw, it seemed Alhaitham did have a heart.

Paimon shrieks, again. “You?! You're dating someone? How?!”

“Please keep your volume down,” he tells her, setting you on the couch softly. With an imperceptibly fond glance thrown your way, he admits you do not get a lot of sleep.

“Oh, sorry!” Paimon whispers. “But — but how?”

Alhaitham shrugs, the picture of nonchalance, but there is a tilt in his lip that hadn't been there before. “I have been told I make a good pillow.”

“Lyney's so cool, Paimon wonders how he does all his tricks!” Paimon gushes. The praise is not unfounded — that performance still had Lumine's head whirling. Paimon hums, “Do you think he'll tell us if we asked? He did so the last time...”

She shrugs in reply. It was worth a shot.

“Then let's go find him!!”

They turn backwards, walking down the steps toward the backstage — Lyney and Lynette would definitely be there still. The Opera House had already been cleared of anybody minutes ago, awestruck audience leaving the scene babbling away about the show.

Except for one last person.

Paimon frowns, pointing at someone in the front row seats. You're curled up in the cushy chair, fast asleep. Paimon tutts. “How could someone fall asleep during Lyney's show? It was so good!”

Lumine shushes her. There wasn't any need to comment about anyone else. They had to find Lyney, after all.

“Lyney!!” Paimon calls, peeking a head in. “You have to tell Paimon how you did those tricks!”

The magician in question turns, smile widening at the sight of them. “And if it isn’t my two most loyal fans! I'm afriad I must disappoint you, a magician never reveals his secrets.”

“Hello, Lumine, Paimon,” Lynette greets them. “We're about to have lunch at the cafe. Would you like to join us?”

“Food!” Paimon squeals, eyes shining now. She nods eagerly.

Lyney laughs smoothly. “Let's be off then! We mustn't let my darling be waiting too long. If not, they might just asleep.”

“That reminds Paimon! There was someone sleeping in the front row — the front row!” Paimon huffs, kicking her feet. “So rude! Your show definitely wasn't boring enough to sleep through.”

At this, Lyney and Lynette share a glance. Lumine doesn't comment on it, for Paimon's already on another spiel.

You're still asleep, curled up in the same cat-like way as before. Paimon points at you, mouth parted to speak, but Lyney beats her to the punch, shushing her.

“Let me,” he says.

“Erm, what's he doing?”

Lynette sighs. “Being a dumbass.”

Lyney cups your cheek with his palms, pressing a kiss to your nose. (“Does he do this with everyone who falls asleep??” Paimon asks, almost horrified.) He smiles, something softer, something sweeter than Lumine's ever seen him smile. “Rise and shine, mon ange.”

Your eyes crack open. At the sight of him, you avert your gaze.

“I'm sorry I fell asleep during your show,” you murmur regretfully.

He shakes his head. “Nevermind that, darling. Did you sleep well?”

“To the sound of your voice?” you ask, voice lilting, almost enchanting. “Perfectly.”

He flushes. Like an honest to god blush. Even Paimon is struck dumb at the sight.

“You flatter me,” he laughs, helping you out of your seat. His gaze never seems to leave yours.

“I can't help it.” You pout. The two of you seem to be in your own world at this point. “It's not my fault my boyfriend has the most soothing voice.”

“Wait. BOYFRIEND?!”

Alear is just a lil guy.

sleepyhead. (version one.)

in which you can fall asleep at the drop of a hat, at the most unconventional of places, which is how the traveller and paimon find out about your relationship with him.

pairing. neuvillette, scaramouche x gn reader

tags. fluff, slight(?) crack, established relationship

notes. if scaras part doesn't make sense i apologize in advance

alhaitham & lyney vers.

“Neuvillette, there's a — Wait. You're not Neuvillette…?”

Aether and Paimon stare at the sight, slightly dumbstruck. You're sprawled over the Chief Justice's desk, hair splayed over your face as you sleep. Your head rests on top of a few documents, and you're curled up in his seat as if it was exactly where you belonged.

Paimon frowns, floating over to you. She gives your shoulder a poke. You don't react. “Should we wake them…? Paimon doesn't think people are allowed to sleep in here, anyway.”

Aether disagrees. You wouldn't have been allowed in here if you didn't have something to do, right? That explained your presence, but it didn't explain why you were asleep in Neuvillette's chair… Besides, where was he?

Speak of the devil. Or, rather, dragon. The office door cracks open, and the man of the hour strides in.

“Neuvillette, there's someone sleeping on your desk!” Paimon informs him, “Should we wake them up?”

It's almost imperceptible, but Aether's gaze is sharp, and he catches the way the Iudex' eyes soften. He shakes his head. “No, leave them be. They will wake on their own accord.”

Paimon huffs. “That position definitely can't be comfortable… I say we move them to the couch there!”

Neuvillette seems to agree. Lifting you bridal style, he sets you on the couch gently. Swiftly, he pulls out a thick quilt from a cupboard and drapes it over you.

“You even have a blanket?!” Paimon squeaks, a little too loud. “Who even are they!?”

“My partner, of course.”

“YOUR PARTNER??”

Well, that was unexpected.

You stir.

Then, you bolt upright, leaping from the couch, eyes wide as your gaze lands on Neuvillette. “Shit, I fell asleep again, didn't I? I didn't mean to! I was going to surprise you but your chair is definitely too comfy for that and —”

He doesn't take more than three steps to reach you, easily snaking a hand around your waist. He only has to dip his head and his nose brushes against yours, silencing anything you had to say.

Aether has the strangest feeling that he's intruding on something too private.

“I assure you,” he murmurs lowly, “Seeing you is always a pleasant experience, surprise or no.”

You choke slightly, clearing your throat. “Don't be a sap.”

The both of you fall silent, just gazing into each other's eyes.

“Uhm,” Paimon interrupts awkwardly.

You screech, startling, head whipping back to see them. “You had guests over?! This is embarrassing. I'm leaving. Ta-ta!”

You bolt out of the room before anyone has any time to react.

“Was no one gonna tell me you were dating someone?!” Paimon accuses.

“Then, I must inform you that we are married.” There's a hint of a smile on Neuvillette's face now, as his eyes flicker toward the half-open door.

“I'm sorry, WHAT?”

“Hey, Aether, isn't that Hat Guy??” Paimon pipes in, pointing at Wanderer, formerly Scaramouche. “He looks really mad. Let's go see what he's up to.”

He did look mad. Furious, even. It's an odd expression to see on his face when Aether's used to his usual disinterest or mockery.

Except…

“Wait, he's walking towards someone. A sleeping someone. That's not good! We have to save them!”

The both of them rush up to him, interrupting his march toward his target. Aether stands in between you and Wanderer, acting as some sort of shield.

“What are you doing?” Aether asks.

Wanderer only scowls, swatting at him. “Get out of my way, you mewling quim.”

“No! We can't let you hurt them!” Paimon cries. “They're not even armed. They're asleep!”

He stops short at that. Confusion floods his features, which quickly morph into disbelief. “Hurt them? I'd never. Get. Out. Of. My. Way.”

Aether doesn't relent. The guy looks entirely too murderous to not hurt anyone. “What's up with them, then?”

Venomously, his lips part, probably to spew some insult but he's interrupted by a soft voice, thick with sleep.

“Kuni…?”

The change is instantaneous. Wanderer goes slack immediately, the usual tension gone. He brushes past Aether quickly.

“Idiot. Why were you sleeping here?” he snarks without bite, crouching down to your level.

That is a good question. You're at the outskirts of Sumeru city, dead asleep under a tree and against a rock. “Yea,” Paimon agrees, “Why are you sleeping here?”

You all but collapse into Wanderer's arms. He stiffens, and everyone can see his internal battle of whether to reciprocate or push you away.

He chooses the latter, sitting on the ground so that you're half in his lap. The shock is palpable between Paimon and the blond.

You glance upward at Aether and Paimon almost lazily, a casual smile on your face. “I was waiting for Kuni here, and I got tired.”

“Here is no place to fall asleep,” he snaps, but the effect is ruined due to the fact that you're in his lap. “You can sleep at home. You have a bed for a reason.”

“Geez, just say you were worried,” you lament lightheartedly.

Aether sits too, and Paimon follows. “Why were you waiting anyway?”

“We were gonna have a picnic! I have the basket right —” you turn to the ground near the tree, only to find it bare. You sigh, disappointed. “Oh. It's gone.”

“Nevermind that,” Wanderer sighs. “This'll serve as a reminder not to sleep outdoors like some street rat. We can get lunch at a cafe.”

“Okay, but is no one going to comment on this?” Paimon flails an arm between the two of you, and your positions especially. “Because this is just weird. Like. What is happening?!”

Wanderer turns his gaze onto her, violet eyes electrifying. “Speak one word of this and you'll never see the light of day again.”

Damn, okay then.

Time traveller: *moved a chair*

The timeline: