Do You Know That Feeling

do you know that feeling

when you find a new ship, but you don’t know the ship name

and you spend hours trying to find the ship name

and you dig so hard to find it

and then you do

and you are so happy

like

so happy

hap

i rewatched no.6 again

never considered myself mentally ill but i feel all of this everyday 

just little mentally ill things

being exhausted even after laying in bed and doing nothing all day

requiring an extensive amount of time to rest in between simple tasks because it takes a lot of energy out of you 

constantly feeling like you’re running a never-ending race while everyone else is ahead of you 

being categorized as “lazy” “oversensitive” “childish” and/or “crazy”

always worrying about your future and what’s going to happen to you

feeling like you’ll never be “normal” and capable of functioning like other people your age 

being misunderstood by everyone you come into contact with

unable to form close, healthy relationships with other people due to trust or abandonment issues

I’ve seen five different authors take down, or prepare to take down, their posted works on Ao3 this week.  At the same time, I’ve seen several people wishing there was more new content to read.  I’ve also seen countless posts by authors begging for people to leave comments and kudos. 

People tell me I am a big name fan in my chosen fandom.  I don’t quite get that but for the purposes of this post, let’s roll with it.  On my latest one shot, less than 18% of the people who read it bothered to hit the kudos button.  Sure, okay, maybe that one sort of sucked.  Let’s look at the one shot posted before that - less than 16% left kudos.  Before that - 10%, and then 16%.  I’m not even going to get into the comments.  Let’s just say the numbers drop a lot.  I’m just looking at one shots here so we don’t have to worry about multiple hits from multiple chapters, people reading previous chapters over, etc.  And if I am a BNF, that means other people are getting significantly less kudos and comments.

Fandom is withering away because it feels like people don’t care about the works that are posted.  Why should I go to the trouble of posting my stories if no one reads them, and of the people who do read them, less than a fifth like them?  Even if you are not a huge fan of the story, if it kept your attention long enough for you to get to the bottom, go ahead and mash that kudos button.  It’s a drop of encouragement in a big desert. 

TL;DR: Passively devouring content is killing fandom.

It's been nearly a year since the incident that changed Yuuri's life (Victuuri)

Cuddles, tickles, and laughter, Ch2

Read Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Ao3

It's been nearly a year since the incident that changed Yuuri's life

He no longer lives in Viktor's apartment, having moved back to his family's home. Minako was very supportive about the whole thing (everyone was actually) but she pushed him to not give up. He went ahead and continued skating, leaving everything to his mother's capable hands, and really, he wouldn't trust anyone else with something so delicate. He managed to make it to the Grand Prix again, but it wasn't the same. Yurio made just as great an impact as the prior year, JJ had gotten his bearings back even though he'd get overly nervous sometimes, and Phichit was...well, he was Phichit. The three of them had amazed the crowd while he'd been too busy worrying about home

Viktor would probably scold him if he'd seen something so disgraceful

The only constant he's had as of late was the beeping in the guest room. He hugged his knees close to his chest, I shouldn't have rushed him, I should have told him to stay another day until the weather cleared up

There's a knock at his door and his mother walks in, a sweet smile on her chubby face, "Did you finish your meal Yuuri?"

Yuuri smiles guiltily, "I wasn't very hungry," and he knows she can see his half eaten food. She doesn't say anything and moves to Viktor's bed, making sure that everything is fine. Yuuri knows it's all ok since he'd made sure to fluff up the pillow under Viktor's head, he'd changed the man's clothing, wiped him down, and opened the curtains for him to get some light

His face looks peaceful and Yuuri feels tears well up in his eyes. How many times had he wished to see Viktor sleeping? To see his chest rise and fall while he lay in bed comfortable. It was such a huge contrast to how Viktor was when awake. Now Yuuri wishes he'd never see it again, or at least not like this.

His mother seems to be satisfied with his care and Yuuri thinks she'll leave now, but instead she sits next to him

Even sitting he's taller than her

They sit in quiet for a few minutes before Yuuri feels her hand gently petting his head, "It's okay to hurt Yuuri."

And he can't help it this time. The tears come down freely and he feels snot forming under his nose, he feels like he's suffocating, and Viktor becomes a blur. He tries not to make too much noise by clenching his teeth but it only makes breathing harder and the crying worse. He hates the fact that he's so selfish, crying while Viktor can't do the things he loves anymore

A gentle tug pulls him over to his mother's warm embrace and he holds onto her tightly. She's still petting his head with one hand and he remembers how Viktor liked to thread his hands into his hair, to ruffle it because it was soft. His mother starts humming a tune that he vaguely remembers as a child

He's healing remarkably well, all things considered. The only issue now is the deterioration of his muscles as we don't know...when he'll wake up. We do have some nurses we can recommend if you need any help with his care

"Don't worry Yuuri, Vicchan is strong, he'll come back to us soon"

And Yuuri wanted to believe her, but how much more time would soon take?

----

A/N:

so it's been awhile (oops) but here's the next mini-fic

I decided to follow up on the “previous chapter” because I couldn't bare to just leave it at "and yuuri waited for viktor's call..." and because of that I added Prompt 6 to this. The prompts there just fit better than "comfortable place". enjoy and let me know what you think!

Prompt 1: In bed / On the couch / Comfortable place Prompt 6: While someone is crying / Sick / Reassurance

/runs away/

Bisexuality is a concept too often misunderstood 💖💜💙