Already Gone

already gone

rick grimes x reader / daryl dixon & reader (prison!era)

summary: you confess your feelings to rick after spending some time together, and he decides to leave for a while. when he returns, he’s immediately on edge when he sees you with daryl.

warnings: reader is in her twenties, unrequited love, jealousy, angst without comfort, past, fear, heavy angst, insecurities, cute!daryl, rude!rick, rage, angry kiss, mention of shane, season 4.

words count: 2778.

Your clock's hands appeared to be stuck between the end of the world and the start of a life you could never have imagined. You were never warned about this kind of eternity in the literature you studied as a child; they only discussed how short life was. The books' main characters battled life and death, but in the end, they were granted what they already had: the assurance that they would live on.

Love always had to be lived as if it were the thing that would save you from everything, and although for a time you wanted to believe it, love was no longer enough. Writers were filled with those feelings thanks to the peace they found when they picked up a pen and wrote on paper. But now, everything was different.

You always thought the wanderers were called that because all they did was walk. You felt a kinship with them because since the world ended, you had been wandering, searching for a place where you could feel safe. A task that had seemed complicated even in the past.

But now, you were supposed to be happy. You were with people who cared about you and would do anything for you. Your heart should have felt comforted, yet you struggled to find that comfort even within your own chest. Everything was happening so quickly that you didn’t have time to sit down and listen to yourself. All you could do was run until your feet hurt. Carol had told you a thousand times that you needed to stop and look at the sky, to realize its vastness and your place within it. But none of that mattered since he left.

It had been a long time since you believed that love would save you, yet you weren’t seeking salvation but rather a truce. And none of that was possible since he left. You waited for him every day by the window, talking to others to keep him alive in some way, even arguing with Daryl about going to look for him. He promised he would return, and even left to search for him. But you couldn’t bear to see him go too. Dixon had been your only constant since he left.

He left because you needed supplies to keep the group alive. But the wait was becoming eternal, and Rick wasn’t coming back. The hero who always returned had become a missing person. You wanted to take a horse and go find him, wanted to travel around the world just to hold him again.

"What’s on yer mind?” Daryl asked with a cigarette between his lips. You were sitting, hugging your knees, staring into the distance. You chuckled softly and looked at him.

His hair was a little longer than when Rick had left, and he had a few days’ worth of beard that suited him perfectly, along with a leather jacket that had belonged to his older brother. According to Dixon, they shared everything because they had so little money. You stopped to think about his story, about all the secrets you didn’t know, and maybe that falling in love with him would have been a better choice.

Daryl locked his grayish-blue eyes on yours and read you like an open book. Just like that. You felt like the simplest book in the world and sighed.

"Tomorrow, I’m gonna go look for him again.” he assured, taking such a deep drag on his cigarette that you could almost taste the smoke. You couldn’t help but stare into the void and focus on the farm that Rick had destroyed before leaving.

“Don’t…” you whispered, but he ignored you. It didn’t matter how many times you begged him not to go; this man was driven by loyalty, and he didn’t care if starvation struck him if it meant he could bring Rick back. It wasn’t just an act he did for you, but out of love for Rick.

"Ya never told me what happened that day,” he said, his voice affected by the cigarette, his accent even thicker. He was referring to the day Rick left. He had gone out for supplies, yes. But you were supposed to go with him, and yet he left alone because he had argued with you.

“Nothing important.”

He looked at you and said your name, drawing your attention. Everything was important to him.

“The night before, I told him I loved him,” you admitted, feeling tears well up in your eyes, though they didn’t fall down your cheeks, but burned just the same. “The night before, I told him I loved him, and he didn’t respond. He left as quickly as he could.”

Daryl listened carefully, and you saw his throat tighten as he swallowed. He took a drag on his cigarette and, after a few moments of silence, took another. You were standing watch outside the prison, so no one could hear or see you. The man gave you a look that seemed to understand you in a way you didn’t understand, and the weight of his feelings became too much for your shoulders.

“He got scared off.” Daryl whispered, and your lips went dry. “He didn’t reckon on fallin' in love again after what happened with Lori, and when you told him you loved him, he didn’t know how to handle it.”

That made so much sense that you felt your sweat turn cold, and your body was suddenly overwhelmed by a flood of regret. You felt insensitive for confessing your love when so little time had passed since what happened with his wife. But you couldn’t keep your lips sealed any longer; every time you kissed him, you felt a million butterflies inside you, they were desperate to escape. You were getting along better with Carl and Judith, everything with his children was perfect. You’d never had the chance to have a real family, you had always been so alone that perhaps you didn’t realize that this family was never truly yours. It belonged to someone else.

“Did I screw up?” you asked, though it felt more like a harsh confirmation. Dixon shook his head and crushed the remaining cigarette into the ground. He stood up and took his crossbow.

“Ya were real brave,” he replied, giving you a look that pierced your heart. "The world’s too messed up not to say what we’re feelin’. Some folks ain’t lucky enough to get the chance to say all their feelings.”

To say those words, he looked away. He always gave the impression of being permanently secure and unaffected by anything, but the truth was, he clung to his crossbow as if it could save him from his own emotions.

“Do you not express all your feelings?” Your voice trembled, and he noticed. You saw that his body always yielded to your closeness, and though you noticed, you inevitably thought of Rick. Of the way he looked at you with his clear eyes and how his body responded when only a few inches separated you.

“Why’d I do that?”

You stood up, and you shared the same air with him for a few seconds. It was then that you noticed some details of his face, ones that seemed to only reveal themselves under the moonlight. You wanted to have an answer for his question, the one he deserved. The urge to cry welled up under your tongue, and you took a deep breath. Daryl let out a soft laugh and gently ruffled your hair.

“Rick’ll come back,” he whispered, gazing at the metal door. “And he’ll tell ya he loves ya too.”

You hugged yourself and looked away.

“How can you be so sure?” you asked, letting out a laugh that came straight from your aching heart.

“Cause you ain’t hard to love” he answered, and began to walk across the grass of that lonely place. You took in all the air you could as you watched him go, and before you realized it, your face was wet. You were crying uncontrollably.

A few hours later, you were walking near the fences, making sure they wouldn’t give way anytime soon. Daryl was behind you, dispatching the walkers trying to get through to the other side. You stopped and watched the way he drove his arrows into the dead brains of those creatures.

Unlike others, including yourself, he always did it quickly and without unnecessary violence. You even saw a kind of beauty in his actions and swallowed hard. The earlier conversation was still fresh, and you weren’t fully aware of your thoughts.

Before you could continue walking, one of those monsters almost ripped off your face. It was only avoided because someone swiftly decapitated it. You fell back, and Daryl caught you in his arms. The gesture made you feel safe, but that comfort shattered when you saw who had saved you.

Rick was staring intensely into your eyes. It seemed like his mind was waging a terrible war, with his body as the battleground. He hadn’t eaten in a long time, and his clothes hung loosely on him. You ran to the fence, your fingers gripping the small holes. But it didn’t matter because he was back. You wanted to hug him, touch him. You wanted to feel that it was real and not just an illusion your cruel mind had conjured.

“You’re back,” you said, so happy that you didn’t even notice Rick’s tense posture. He shot a glance at Daryl, who lowered his gaze and then walked away. “I thought you…”

“Thought I wouldn’t come back?” The sarcasm in his words set off all your alarms. You noticed Daryl unlocking the padlock, and when Rick passed through, he didn’t even look at him.

You moved towards Rick, but before you could touch him, he dodged you with a speed that felt hurtful.

“When did you start smoking?” he asked, hinting at how much you must have smelled of cigarettes from spending shifts with Daryl.

“Sometimes Daryl and I share a cigarette…” The answer made his jaw tighten, but he relaxed with a laugh.

“Daryl and you, huh?”

You had always thought of Rick as a mature person who wasn’t jealous at all. He had always treated you with kindness and respect, protecting you as if you were his most precious possession. If there was any danger in the world, you were sure Rick would do anything to make it disappear.

Moreover, he always acted according to such valuable principles that it made you wonder how you couldn’t be just like him. He was everything you had imagined, the person you dreamed of while other girls wanted the bad boy their parents would hate. You, on the other hand, were sure that your parents, if they were alive, would have loved Rick.

But now he was acting like a fool.

“What’s wrong with you?” you asked once you were away from the others and had entered a room to unload the supplies Rick had brought.

“Nothing’s wrong with me. What about you? Anything you want to tell me?” His voice was so neutral it gave you chills. Chills so physical that you checked if any window was open, but everything was closed.

“That I missed you so much I thought you were dead.” You moved closer to Rick as you said this and placed your hand on his blood-stained shirt. You caressed him, and he responded almost immediately, his body recalling all those nights with you, locked in your cell until the sun set again. “I promise you…”

“I don’t see you as heartbroken.” His words struck a blow to your heart.

“Why are you acting like this?” Your voice betrayed your urge to cry. Rick looked at you and let out a laugh from his lips.

“Because I’ve been through this before.” You blinked several times. What was he referring to?

“I’ve been through disappearing and everyone forgetting about you.” He turned away and continued unpacking the cans of food he had brought. You grabbed his arm before he could put another can down and forced him to look at you.

“I couldn’t forget you even if I wanted to, Grimes.” You said with a certainty that came straight from your heart. The man lifted his chin and looked at you in a way that only confirmed he was shielding himself with his words. “Not a minute has passed where I didn’t think about you.”

Rick opened his lips and looked at yours, his tongue playing in his mouth, impatient to meet yours. However, he looked away and remained angry. You didn’t know what you had done wrong.

“I saw you looking at Daryl.” At that moment, you remembered your conversation with Dixon and how you had felt watching him. Your body froze, and Rick, noticing this, laughed in a way that distressed you. You closed your eyes to hide more and felt him start to leave.

“I’m not your wife,” you said with a harshness that made Rick stop in his tracks. “I’m not like her.”

You filled Rick with such intense anger that he nearly lost control, and he moved toward you abruptly.

“I told you I loved you,” you said, not stepping back despite him being so close. Your heart was still the same. You truly loved him even if everything had gone to hell. You saw your eyes, dull but always alive when you were with him, and you stroked his cheek. “I don’t say those words lightly, you know?”

Rick looked you up and down, letting your hand caress his face.

“Daryl is nothing like Shane.” Hearing that name made him tense up. “Daryl would turn the world upside down to find you and would give his heart to save yours. Don’t tarnish our names like that.”

Rick began to close the distance between you until you were backed up against a table. You stared at him, your fast breaths matching his. He brought his mouth closer to yours and started kissing you with a fervor that made you sit on the table to keep your balance. He kissed you as if the world was ending, and you only pulled away to catch your breath. You had never felt like this from a kiss before—so loved, so desperate for more. It was what you had dreamed of while he was gone.

“I know you’re not like Lori and Daryl isn’t like Shane…” he whispered as his large, rough hands touched you as if he could caress you beneath your clothes. “But are you sure he doesn’t feel anything for you?”

Before you could answer or bring your mouth back to his, he pulled away and looked at you with eyes that could kill if looks could kill. Your heart felt empty all of a sudden, and everything began to hurt. That kiss meant nothing because he didn’t trust you. Rick left the room and started walking outside. You followed him.

“You didn’t tell me you loved me,” you shouted, making him stop and look back over his shoulder. “I gave you my heart, and you abandoned it. Now that you’re back, you come to say that just to run away from me again.”

Rick touched his beard and looked at you with his blue eyes.

“I’m afraid to love you because the last time I loved someone, I lost everything,” he whispered, his voice reaching your heart. “I don’t want to go through that again.”

“It won’t happen, Rick. I promise you…” You moved closer and put your hand on his shoulder. He turned and looked at you. He was still grappling with his anger, and he had so many reasons to be angry that you couldn’t blame him. He was as scared as you were.

“Daryl doesn’t feel anything for me, and he would never hurt you,” you assured him, and his clear eyes reflected yours. “Please don’t leave again.”

“I’m already gone,” he whispered and withdrew from your touch.

You watched him walk toward the pavilion and, before following him, saw Daryl watching you from a distance. You could see something broken in him, something you’d love to fix in another life, but not in this one. You took a deep breath until you felt your whole body burning. Rick was walking away, and Daryl nodded, signaling you to go after him, that everything would be okay between you two.

Sometimes letting go is the most beautiful act of love.

When you arrived at the pavilion, you found Rick, and he hugged you, whispering a sincere apology.

“You’re not gone,” you whispered. “We can still find each other.”

i’m lost in your iris.

thinking about laying in bed with daryl. you two had been out meandering about where exactly you reside, attempting to lend your support out toward the world and to whomever chirped your way. it’s just you and him, the subtle dewy glow of the moon breaking past the sheer curtains that clad your windows. you can make out just enough for you to satisfy yourself. both facing one another, chests flushed together as you study one another intently. there wasn’t a word to be exchanged, just the look of adoration.

you took a closer gander at his eye, those blues that sat pretty in his sockets. his lashes fluttered momentarily, gaze averting up toward a freckle or mole that kissed your skin before looking right back at your orbs, taking in the sight for himself. i’d imagine they’d have a texture to them, darker and lighter pigmented rings that meshed together, small crypts that were littered within or around those same rings. once the sun hit, they’d become a shade lighter. you all but melted every time you got to witness it in real time. his true cerulean collarette.

such beauty within intricate things like your iris dilator’s smooth muscle, controlling the size of your pupil and it’s diameter, are things you always fail to notice within your own skin. yet, you can’t help but notice everything that has to do with him. the way his pupils enlarged at a mere glimpse of you, completely blown out wide. it was so endearing. who knew the concentration of your melanocytes could create such a pleasant sight for sore eyes.

this is so perfect 🥺

you found me

if you hold me without hurting me, you'll be the first who ever did.

҉ summary : daryl finds her reading his book and realizes that she has scars on her soul too.

҉ warnings : hurt/comfort, angst, mentions of child abuse, a lot of kisses, reader was also a victim of her father, they wants to be parents.

҉ words count : 998.

Daryl left a book on the table. You had never seen him read before, so it caught you off guard. You moved closer to check the title, and when you read it, your heart skipped a beat. You began reading the first few pages, noting how the words seemed so close to reality, and it frightened you.

You closed the book, keeping your hand on the cover. You took a deep breath and felt overwhelmed by your emotions. You thought about Daryl and the reasons he had for picking up that book, especially after he confessed his conversation with Beth. He didn't just want to leave his past behind; he wanted to understand himself too.

You opened the book again, which he had placed near his crossbow. You thought both things served as forms of defense: one against visible monsters, the other against invisible ones. That made them inevitably invincible. When you finished the first chapter, you heard footsteps, and something in you knew it was Dixon. You had never told him much about yourself. The past didn’t matter now that the present took up so much space.

The door was slightly ajar, so you decided to close it. You took off the shirt you were wearing, the belt that held your knife, and your jeans. These movements revealed an inexplicable vulnerability. You took the book again and continued reading. The words about how to overcome the things you know are wrong even as a child made your head spin, your lungs feel tight, and your eyes begin to well up with tears.

Everything was paper, but the memories were not.

The door opened, and you closed your eyes. Daryl and you had shared enough moments to consider yourselves in a relationship. You had felt his lips on yours, your breaths had mingled, and you had fought to keep each other alive. But he had never seen you like this—naked and fragile.

Your back had scars stretching from your shoulders to your lower back. You had thought time would take them away, but they were immortal. You had to live with them and the memories they brought every time a mirror reflected them. For a while, you believed you deserved that pain, that your father was only being fair. Then you realized that someone who loves their child would never do this. You kept reading, your knees bent, your hands holding the book delicately.

You heard his slow breathing and could even hear the crack of his heart. His energy shifted from alert to calm. You felt the weight of his body on the mattress and a smile formed on your lips. Your eyes didn’t seek his, even when your heart begged you to. You continued reading those words you both understood.

A few seconds later, you felt the tips of his fingers rest on the deepest scar on your skin, and you remembered the blood it caused and how close you came to losing your life because of it. Daryl’s touch on your skin was so gentle, like a feather brushing your back. Your eyes filled with tears, and you clenched your teeth.

“There were monsters before all this,” you said, and then you felt his lips tracing the line of your scar. You shivered and looked at him over your shoulder. That was enough to make your heart pound faster against your chest. He looked so broken, even while he was fixing you.

Soft kisses trailed to your shoulder, and just when you thought he would ask why you never told him before, his hand took the book and placed it on the mattress. Before kissing you, he held your chin between his thumb and index finger.

"Our kid ain't never gonna have to deal with 'em." That words made you break into tears that wet your genuine smile. You buried your face in his neck, and before you could settle into his body, Daryl slowly pulled away to take off his shirt.

You watched him while thinking of a child you could call yours. Even if you were in this world, you wanted to be the mother of his children.

You ran your fingers over the scars on his back and began tracing them as if you had memorized them. It was his story, and you were caressing it, just as he had caressed yours. You brought your lips to his, and they fit together effortlessly. You broke the kiss to look at him, and Daryl wiped your tears with his thumb. Those tears stopped being tears and turned to dust.

“Do you want to have a child with me?” you asked, tilting your head and running your fingers through his hair, burying them gently in his strands.

He nodded, and you rested against his chest. You listened to his heartbeat, and by the fourth beat, you knew they were yours. It was a sound you would never tire of. You would always want to close your eyes and rest your head against his skin. His heartbeat meant he was still alive, and therefore, so were you.

Your heart and his were bound by something even stronger than love. Unconditionality was something more eternal.

Daryl was your idea of angel. He pierced your soul.

“I love ya,” he whispered, leaving a kiss on your hair. You smiled, and the scars on your back resisted. When the people who are supposed to love you don’t, you forever hope that someone will love you as you deserve. And you can be the one to love yourself, but you also wish someone else would do it too.

Your mouth met his, and the kiss became so real that it almost took your breath away. His warmth and your warmth were allies in a world of adversaries.

“I love you too,” you whispered, knowing that for the first time, your wounds had found a cure instead of salt.

S10 E18 — DARYL DIXON GIFS (TWD TV SERIES.)

"Did the love affair maim you too?" | Series materlist

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Series summary: Joel doesn't like you until he loses all his memories of you.

series warnings: Angst, miscommunication, mentions of blood, mentions of death, grieving, smut, and fluff.

status: completed.

w.c: 70,6k

part i

part ii

part iii

part iv

part v

this is so sweet hskdhdjs I LOVE IT

“Missin’ somethin’?” Daryl’s sweet southern drawl came from behind you and you spun to see him holding your lost knife. It had tremendous sentimental value and you’d been searching everywhere for it, almost sick with anger at yourself for somehow losing your most important possession. A gasp left you and your face lit up with a shocked smile.

“Oh my God! Where did you find it?!” you asked, taking the proffered handle and hurriedly slipping it back into the previously empty sheath on your hip. You smiled down at it back in its place, tears welling a bit in your eyes. You felt whole again.

“It was just layin’ there outside the walls, half under some leaves. You musta dropped it during the perimeter check the other night.

"Daryl, I don’t even know what to say! Thank you!” you bubbled. “I could kiss you!” you laughed, throwing your arms around his neck and hugging him tightly.

Daryl gulped, feeling his chest and face flushing with heat at the mere thought. He dared to loop his arms around the small of your back and hold you briefly. “’M just glad I could find it for ya,” he drawled bashfully, ducking his head.

You drew slightly back from hugging him and marked the pink hue in his face. You bit your bottom lip and hesitated only a moment before you leaned in and pressed your lips to his cheek. He looked slightly stunned, but you only smiled warmly at him as you drew back.

Prompt: “I could kiss you!”

A/N: Daryl blushing is top tier content. No one can change my mind. <3