There Are A Lot Of Players On Lifesteal That Aren't Human. This Shouldn't Come As A Shock To Anyone.

there are a lot of players on lifesteal that aren't human. this shouldn't come as a shock to anyone. the thing is, with a lot of them, it's really not clear what they actually are. like, yeah, a lot of the time players don't fall neatly into nice categories, but usually there's something to go off of that's like, at least a little recognizable? anyway the point is rekrap [resident Boring Human] has taken it upon himself to commit investigative journalism to try and figure this out. the following are a few of his notes.

branzy:

-claims to be human

-unnaturally sharp teeth

-generally mildly uncanny

-saw his eyes glow in the dark a few times

-purple eyes + white hair (natural? contacts + dye? something else?)

theories:

vampire

>sharp teeth

>pale

>never seen him eat garlic

>has blood on his mouth weirdly often

shapeshifter

>general feeling of not quite being right

>i swear his tattoo's changed before

>catch-all explanation for physical traits

human

>he might just be messing with me and/or i might just be paranoid

ashswag:

-claims to actually be god. i doubt that.

-seems to have a far easier time manipulating code than other players do

-form sort of distorts? hard to describe

-hard to look at. hurts my eyes

-looks human when there's nothing weird going on

theories:

-??????? to be honest i'm kinda lost right now. i think he was human at some point but i'm pretty that's not still the case? need more information.

princezam:

-asked him; said he's not sure. then shrugged and said "i'm printer :D"

-skin + hair are BRIGHT yellow

-blood is black and smells like ink. dries red

-face can change? and melt? and become abstract shapes? and can open into a bunch of eyes?

-halo that keeps changing shape (glows in the dark)

theories:

angel

>halo

>lots of eyes

>generally looks fairly normal but occasional mild shape shifting

paper construct

>ink-like blood

>simplistic + fluid face

>unusual coloring

this investigation has led to some people having questions about him, though- apparently some people didn't think he was human? said that his eyes shined weirdly in the dark, which, okay, he can maybe believe that, but then some people said that they'd see flashes of antlers? and/or rabbit ears? plus the way he runs and jumps is apparently weirdly...animal like. so yeah, apparently there are rumors going around that he's a jakalope. which is absolutely ridiculous, because jakalopes, player or not, don't exist.

.

and i did this

listened to the entirety of get to heaven (deluxe) during my drive today, and it was so good my entire week may now be better becuz of it. i win

roses/smoke

—

“He-” The door swung open, and the Reddoons from last night was suddenly in front of Ash, regarding him strangely. He looked from Ash's face, to his black eye (he didn't even seem sorry), to the bouquet of roses in Ash's arms. Red's unusually calloused hands came up to pluck the blunt from his lips as he exhaled a puff of smoke–

He was smoking. Idly, Ash noted the irony of it.

“It's you.” He said simply, raising an eyebrow.

Ash took in a breath, tasting the smoke from Red's cigarette as it dissipated into the atmosphere. “My name is–”

“Ash.” Reddoons narrowed his eyes. “I remember.”

There was an awkward lull of silence. Ashswagg found himself hating how this wasn't coming as easily as it had. He hated how different this Reddoons seemed to be from his own. He hated that he still loved him. He hated the entire multiverse.

“What do you want?” Red finally snapped. “What's with the roses?”

Ashswagg was a god. He wasn't made to be quiet. Still, he whispered. “They're for you.”

“I told you, last night.” Reddoons reiterated, beginning to close the door in Ash's face. “I'm not a rose guy.”

—

[end of part five]

Israel’s senseless slaughter leaves thousands of children orphaned. Palestine must be free! Don’t tire keep talking about what’s happening!

smoke and mirrors to set the world aflame by eventide.

image credits:

Phantom: Stage One continues. by @neilkrug on instagram // soul flame Painting by Elena Sattarova // 'This is my flower, my death.' by @revol4357 on twitter // Scotch & a Cigarette by @NoahVerrier on twitter // Marlboro Pack 5x7 by Craig Stephens // Russian Roulette Infographic by Robb Leef on Dribble

text credits:

smoke and mirrors to set the world aflame by Anonymous/eventide // Crybaby by Caitlyn Siehl // Take Me Tomorrow by Shannon A. Thompson