Me @ Ateez, Because Help I Didn't Expect To Fall For The Oc Too????? And Now It's Time To Reread The

me @ ateez, because help i didn't expect to fall for the oc too????? and now it's time to reread the entire series in order to tide me over until the next update :')

| in love and lore | eight |

pairing: ateez x fem reader

genre: fantasy/daemon/soulmate au

warnings: some cursing, mentions of death and violence

summary: the daemon king and his seven black generals. names and faces of these eight had changed over the years as each new king was crowned, but their reputation as the most powerful daemons always remained the same. upon hearing the rumors one of the seven led the charge of the nearby battle, you should have stayed close to the encampment. you should have never wandered out on your own. but you did, and your life would never be the same again. good or bad, you would just have to wait to find out.

“There’s no need to be afraid, angel.” His words were a breath against the side of your neck. “You’ve done so much for us, let your king now return the favor.”

wordcount: 14.5k

| seven | eight | nine |

a/n: ahhh, it's finally here and so much longer than i originally planned. when i first started this chapter, i planned on it covering the entirety of their travels back to the daemons' kingdom, but here we are, and you'll come to see that journey will be for the next chapter and we're still outside maehwa by the end of it. oops. but i am super happy with how this came out. don't really know how it did or what possessed me, but it did and it's here. so i hope you all enjoy. :)

also, taglists will be moving to reblogs as i think you guys are so awesome and cool, a singular post can't contain you all so those will be following here in a few moments after this posts.

~

"May I sit with you?"

You glanced up from the pen and paper in hand at the voice that spoke above you, though it was done out of habit than to see who it was. You already that piece of information, having felt his gaze on you for the past half hour.

You had done all you could to avoid Hongjoong and his generals over the past few days, but any success you had found hadn't been on your part, but their own attempt in giving you the space you desperately craved. While you had woke up early and spent the past hour curled up next to the barrier to watch the sunrise by yourself, you had been well aware of Yeosang's nearby presence and wondered if he would ever make a move.

You met his eyes briefly before turning back down to the paper before you, simply shrugging your shoulders instead of bothering to verbally answer his question. You didn't quite have it in your heart to refuse him, but you did hope the defensive stance your body had taken at his presence would have been enough to deter him. It didn't, not that you had really expected it to, and he simply took your silent response as an excuse to set down on the ground next to you. Not quite close enough to be touching, but close enough for you shift your stance a bit before busying yourself with the paper you had been doodling on in an attempt to clear your mind. It had worked well enough up to this point, but his new proximity to you caused your anxiety to spike once more.

He had to have wanted something. While your attempts at completely avoiding them had been futile, none of them had approached you in the manner Yeosang now did. Any interactions with them had been brief and awkward. There was much they wanted to say. Either to apologize or convince you in some manner, but they held their tongues, fully knowing you didn't want to talk about it at this point.

The constant guard from before had been dropped from that night, and though you had more time to yourself than you had ever had since they had brought you here, you found little relief in the matter. Not with the barrier you had run across that first night remaining up and present. They had claimed it was simply an added precaution to keep you safe after the incident at the masquerade, but you weren't an idiot. You knew they had simply exchanged one guard for another. The thought of running had crossed your mind more than once since that first night, though not in the way they were worried of. Part of you did want to run and escape this fate that had been placed on you, but you knew it wasn't something you could or would succeed in. And even if you did, where would you go? You had nowhere to go or anyone to run to. But the fleeting thoughts you had made of it must have slipped over in their minds as well, and the barrier was the needed precaution they had taken to keep it from happening.

Honjoong had claimed they could only read the thoughts you outwardly projected, and only then when you were within a certain proximity of them, but without any other explanation of the process, you struggled to understand what exactly he had meant by it or how you could control it yourself. Based on your past experiences, you were certain things had slipped through, but without knowing which thoughts had or hadn't, it was impossible to tell just how much they had gleaned from you in the meantime. And with the way you struggled to control the panic that took root in your stomach each time you saw one of them, you had the sinking suspicion they knew more than they let on. The glances they sent to each other when they thought you weren't looking was all the evidence you needed of that fact.

"Hongjoong has informed us that the treaty talks have come to a conclusion."

You tensed at the mention of him, shifting your position against the barrier you had been using as a backrest. And though your eyes stayed focused on the sketch in your lap, you caught the way Yeosang's body extended past the barrier out of the corner of your eye, a fact that had your grip tightening its grip on the pencil in hand.

You hadn't seen Hongjoong since that night.

Wanting nothing more than to be alone, you had strayed near the edge of the camp long into the night, contemplating over everything he had told you. You had run through everything he had said over and over, and yet, you still struggled to make sense of it all to this day. No matter which way you wrapped your head around it, parts of it would still not make sense. You couldn't have been his mate. Not when you weren't a daemon. Not when you were someone who should have never been born. And then, if it was true, and you truly were his mate, then he shouldn't have been fine with the fact as much as he seemed to, not with the giant gap between statuses. Not when he was a king.

As much as you knew you should, you had yet to divulge the information to Soomin or Hyunwoo. You were well aware telling them could perhaps give you some much needed advice or reassurance, but the courage always left you the moment you opened your mouth. You didn't know how they would react or whether or not they would hate you for it. And you could already hear the teasing statements Hyunwoo would make from it, only serving to fuel the flustered state the knowledge left you in already.

The two of them had taken the occupancy of a nearby tent after the masquerade, Jongho's statement of them being brought back with you proving true when he had allowed you a brief visit before your talk with Hongjoong. It was there that you had returned to that night once your tears had finally dried up, unable to go back to your own tent at the prospect of being forced to see him again. Neither one of them had been asleep when you had slipped inside and had been quietly conversing on the edge of one of the cots when you had appeared.

Your sudden presence had surprised them, as well as the state you were in, but they hadn't tried to press for anything more than whether or not you were safe for the time being. They were curious as to what had happened and the meaning behind their behavior, that much was obvious, but you hadn't had the courage to tell them. So when Hyunwoo offered up his bed instead of pressing you further, you had nodded your appreciation and curled up inside it without another word.

But as much as you had wanted to hide inside that tent forever, it was impossible. Despite never telling them where you had gone off to, Mingi had still been waiting for you outside the tent when you had woken up the following afternoon, chatting idly with Hyunwoo. Though he had made no mention of anything that had occurred the night before or why you had retreated into your siblings' tent, you had felt the concern he extended towards you all the same, and it had been impossible for him to completely hide the care that had laced his tone each time he had spoken.

You had never been entirely comfortable with any of them before, but this... This threw away any sort of progress you had made towards it since you had met them. You didn't know where you stood with them anymore - not that you really had before - let alone how to act around them now. The revelation of your newfound relation to them hung heavy in the air each time you were forced to interact, leaving you feeling more vulnerable than ever. It was impossible to look them in the eye, let alone stop the blush that came creeping up the back of your neck whenever they referred to you by those damned nicknames of theirs. Each use of 'angel' or 'pretty' only now served as a sharp reminder of how you were now stuck here with them, sealed to a fate you had no control over.

You had been right when you had told Seonghwa how harsh reality could be at times that night so long ago, and though you had hated how clueless you had been before, you almost wished you could have your ignorance back, almost preferring the anxiety it had brought over the anxiety the truth brought with it.

"We'll remain here for a few more days to ensure everything is properly instated, but preparations for the journey back to Taeyang have already begun." If he noticed your discomfort, he didn't show it, continuing on with his previous train of thought as he gazed upwards at the city's walls. "If you wish, I can escort you back to the city and help you gather anything you might wish to take with you."

"How generous of you," you murmured, "allowing me the time to grab a few comforts of home before stealing me away."

Up to this point, no one had explicitly mentioned what was to happen now, and if Hongjoong had been going to, you had left before he got around to it. You weren't completely clueless, however, and were able to read between the lines. If Hongjoong really had told you the truth, and you really were their mate, and they really intended to act upon this fact, you knew you wouldn't be staying here. You knew you would be left with no choice but to go down south with them, and the casual mentions the others had made of this had all but secured this fact for you. And yet, despite fully aware of what was coming, it did little to lessen the blow upon finally hearing it.

"Would you prefer to stay here with the humans, then, and continue the life you had led before? A life where you were overworked, insulted, and hated?"

"No," your body tensed, "but that doesn't mean I wish to go with you either."

"Then where do you wish to go? What is it that you wish to do if it's neither staying here and continuing the life you had before nor a new one with us?"

"I don't know," you shrugged, "somewhere..."

"Somewhere you could open up your own shop? A place where you could do whatever you wanted on your own terms and no one else's?" he answered for you, the corner of his lip tilting up. "We could give you that you know? Perhaps not in the exact way you always imagined, but we could give you anything you needed to grow and brew whatever it was you desired."

His words were a reference to a time that now felt like a different lifetime altogether, a time where you had been clueless to his true identity and in awe of the attention and kindness he had extended your way. A time where you had thought him nothing more than a concerned human who had truly seen you for who you were and not for the blood running through your veins.

Upon first discovering he was a daemon, you had originally thought it had been nothing more than an act. Something to get you to drop your guard and pin the murder of Hak Seongmin on you. But now that you knew exactly what was going on, the weight of his actions hit in a different way. And the implication he had made when he had mentioned what it was he yearned for if things had been different hit you hard in this moment.

You had thought his wish had been odd at the time. The idea that someone like him could never settle down and find someone to marry had seemed impossible with his attractive features and suave personality, but now you understood. For the majority of his life, he had been told a mate and family was something he would never have. That he had been born with the sole purpose of serving and protecting his king. And yet, everything had changed when Hongjoong had been crowned and the bond between them had snapped in place. Unlike you, the life he had craved was now at the tip of fingers.

"Was anything you said that day true?"

With all motivation to draw thrown out the window, you dropped the pencil you had been fiddling with into your lap and exchanged it for a loose strand at the edge of your sleeve.

"I know how it might seem from your view, but let me assure you everything I told you that day was true." His gaze was trained on you, but you refused to meet it. "The only thing I hid from you that day was the fact I wasn't human."

"And what if," you found it hard to speak, afraid of the answer to the question that had been burning in your head for days now, "what if I wasn't your mate? Would you have treated me with the same kindness you had shown me that day? Or would you have turned the other way like everyone else and simply let me die?"

Ever since you had gotten over your shock and come to accept everything Hongjoong had told you was very well true, the question had haunted your thoughts. What if you hadn't been their mate? What would have happened then? Would they have treated you with the same kindness they had shown you by your deeds as the Black Angel and the people you had saved, or would they have killed you where you stood when Seonghwa had revealed your identity? Was the only reason they were kind to you and treated you like everyone else simply because you were their mate and nothing more? And if things had been different, would you even still be alive?

Yeosang was silent for a moment, brows furrowing as he mulled over his answer to your question. Each moment that ticked by only serving to further fuel your insecurities, telling you what you had known all along. That things would have been different.

"You're right on the account that things would have been different, but not in the way you're assuming."

This time you did look up at him, eyes narrowing at the way his reply ended up being a response to your thoughts and not the question you had verbally asked him.

"Sorry." He had the decency to look ashamed for a moment, fingers digging into the ground beside him as he frowned. "It's just, without any proper training, you're akin to an open book. The heightened emotions from the past few days has made your thoughts and emotions overflow to the rest of us whether you mean them to or not, and sadly, we have very little means to block them out."

His apology felt sincere, but it didn't stop you from pulling your legs in closer, feeling more embarrassed than you had before now that you knew just how much they must have gathered from you. The pitiful looks they had sent you the past few days now worse than before.

"It won't always be this way though. We can teach you to control them, if you'd let us. Though you would probably excel the most with Mingi. Out of us all, he's always been the best at maintaining his thoughts."

"You said things would have been different," you replied, returning the conversation back to the question Yeosang had avoided earlier. "Different how?"

"Well, you did save Seonghwa's and the others' lives, so we would have happily followed through with our promise to repay you for your deeds and ensured your safety through the war's end. After that, well, it's a bit hard to say what Hongjoong would decide, but I imagine he would have extended an invitation for you to come back to Taeyang with us and hired you as a healer based on your natural talent and daemon ability."

"Forgive me when I say I have a hard time believing that." He might have said he had yet to lie to you, but that didn't mean he hadn't hidden things from you before, and you had a hard time believing he wasn't hiding something now when his claims of truth seemed so far-fetched. Perhaps they would have extended an offer your way, but you doubted you would have been given a choice in the matter, and would have only landed yourself in a similar position to the one you had before with the humans. Only this time with daemons calling you names instead of the humans. "And even if you are telling the truth, and you would have kept me alive to the end, would you have still done it if I had no healing capabilities? Or would it have just been a way for you to get a hold of my blood and use me as the humans have?"

"I understand how it might all appear from your view and I'll be the first of us to admit your worries do not come completely unwarranted. The daemons have not always been kind to those without a pure lineage and hundreds, if not thousands, of people have suffered and died under this obsession they've had. For it was the daemons who hunted down and killed the half-daemons when the war began and not the humans. And it would be easy to blame that occurrence and any similar one on the former king and his growing paranoia, but it was from centuries of prejudice that carried those acts to fruition and nothing I say or do will ever make up for it."

"You hunted them down?" It was hard to keep your voice level at the wave of disgust that coursed through you. You had known the daemons often killed your kind for no other reason than their hatred for your existence, but hearing how they had actively been hunted down for something they had no control over was something else altogether. "Why?"

"Hongjoong's father was not a nice man, and he craved power more than anything else. And the more time went by, the more his lust for it increased, and with it, came paranoia. He was afraid of anything and everything that could challenge him for it, including Hongjoong who he kept under a strict watch. He knew Hongjoong had the power to overthrow him, just as his father had overthrown his grandfather, so he did everything he could to ensure that would never come to pass." Yeosang's body had become tense as he spoke, his previous relaxed state hardening. "So, when the war began and he heard the humans had decided to gather up as many half-daemons as they could for the war efforts, the order to hunt and exterminate any and all half-daemons was given. It's the reason why the war hit the borders so hard in the beginning; the daemon troops under orders to burn them all to the ground, no matter whose side they were on."

"And you wonder why I was thankful to have been born among the humans," you retorted, voice full of bitterness.

"Things are changing though. Hongjoong is not the man his father was. When he heard what his father was doing, he recruited us to do everything we could to save as many of his people as he could, but there was only so much we could do before it was too late. There were only so many people we could save."

"And why's that? Why did he care? Why did any of you care?"

"Now that is a question that requires a long and rather complicated answer, one that I am unable to fully answer myself, but I will do my best to explain to you what I can." His head tilted, black eyes catching yours, and for the first time since he had appeared you didn't look away. "Has anyone explained to you or mentioned what my ability is?"

You shook your head, wondering what that had to do with the topic you were just discussing, but you knew better than to question him on it. After all, you did hold some curiosity to what his and the others' daemon abilities were.

"I can create illusions, making those around me see, feel, and hear whatever it is that I wish them to. Take this butterfly for example." A hint of a smile reappeared on his face as he reached his hand out for the insect, allowing it to take rest on his finer. "It's not real; simply an image I'm projecting inside each of our heads at the moment." To prove his point, he raised his opposite hand to swipe at the bug. To your surprise, his fingers ran through it as though it was only air, causing the image to ripple for a few seconds. "Believe it or not, it took years of training for me to pull off tricks like this one. Tasks such as changing my appearance or disappearing from view entirely took little more than innate talent, but mimicking another living being to where it was believable was something much harder altogether."

The butterfly's wings extended, taking off from Yeosang's hand to make the short trek over to your knee. You eyed it closely, in utter disbelief to discover it wasn't real. That it was nothing more than an illusion the man next to you had created for you to see. Everything about it felt real, down to the way its wings fluttered in the breeze to the way its feet tickled your skin as it moved along the back of your left hand.

"It's the same guard ability your father had."

"You knew my father?" Your lips twisted, teeth pulling at the bottom corner of your lip, unsure of just how this revelation made you feel. On one hand, you had no desire to learn about the man who had destroyed your family when he had killed your mother, especially not that you now knew just what sort of man he had served, but another part of you was curious. Curious to know if he really did match the rumors or if perhaps there might have been a chance there was some truth behind Soomin's hazy memories of the man.

Yeosang nooded. "When the new members of the guard pop up, the current members devote quite a bit of time training them up and teaching them how best to utilize their abilities. Since I shared the ability of you father, we spent quite a bit of time together in my youth and we were quite close before he was sent to Maehwa." He paused for a second, and you could feel the way his eyes had traveled back to you. "Did you knew your brother looks just like him? So much so, it took me by surprise the first time I saw him, and for a second, I thought it might have actually been him until I saw his eyes." The butterfly on your hand vanished then, causing your eyes to lock on his for a split second. "But I see now that you were the one to inherit them instead."

You struggled to control the way your stomach twisted at his words and were quick to divert your eyes. The light expression on his face showed he hadn't meant anything negative by them, but that didn't stop the wave of insecurities that hit you as he commented on the one feature you had spent years wishing you could change and the reason behind them.

"You're a lot like him, you know?" Yeosang's voice softened and a hand was placed on top of your shoulder. "A little stubborn, maybe, but incredibly selfless and kind. Someone who could see beyond the status of daemon and human. He would have absolutely adored you."

"Just like he adored my mother?" you rebuked his statement, pulling back far enough to cause his hand to drop.

"It's not that simple."

"What do you mean? He killed her, didn't he? What more is there to tell"

"It's... complicated." You were quick to see the way Yeosang had tensed up again, dropping his gaze back to his lap. "And though I played a small role in an attempt to stop the events that occurred that night, it's not my story to tell. If you wish to hear what happened, you would need to speak with Hongjoong. It's his story to tell."

"No, you can't leave it at that." You shook your head, forcing him to meet your eyes. You weren't going to play that game again. You weren't going to let them keep their secrets from you and brush off your questions. "He was my father and it was my mother, so I think I have a right to know. So, tell me, did he kill her?"

"I'm sorry, angel, truly, but I shouldn't be the one to explain that night to you. Trust me when I say you need to hear it from Hongjoong. After everything he went through to get here, he deserves to be the one to tell you." And despite the way his words frustrated you, you could see the desperation in them, as though he truly believed it would be best if you heard it from Hongjoong. "But something you should know is that your father was a good man. He knew I wasn't fully daemon, and yet, he never once treated me differently for it. And it was him who helped me gain the courage to finally tell the others."

You couldn't stop the sharp inhale his words brought, eyes widening as you process what he had just said and wiping away any remaining thoughts you had about the conversation before for the time being. He had mentioned it so casually, that you had almost missed it, caught up in figuring out what it was he had hinted about.

Yeosang wasn't fully daemon.

Yeosang, one of the Seven, and one of the highest ranking daemons in this part of the world, wasn't even fully daemon.

"My father was full-blooded, but my mother was a half-daemon like yourself. Because of that, it's not something anyone would be able to know unless they tested my blood for it, but still enough to where many daemons would shun me if they knew. So, when my horns and eyes turned black on my thirteenth birthday, I was shocked to say the least. The thought of being a member of the Black Guard had never once crossed my mind due to my lineage, so I was certain a mistake had been made. Why would the maetha choose me? Someone the daemons considered impure? And I was terrified. I knew what it was like in the capital and what they thought of those like me, and I was terrified of what they would do to me if anyone found out." He shifted, pulling his right leg in towards him and wrapped his arms loosely around it. "So, when I discovered I had inherited the guards' illusion ability, I used it to hide the new color my features had taken and prevented myself from being sent away."

You struggled to wrap your head around what he had just revealed to you, barely hearing the words that followed as your brain was too busy repeating the fact Yeosang wasn't fully daemon. More daemon than you were and with enough of their blood running through him to easily pass as one, but none of that changed the fact he was just like you in some ways. Someone who didn't quite fit into the status quo of the world.

"But they found you?" You straightened up, taking in his figure next to you in a whole new light.

"No," he shook his head, "in the end, I went to them on my own accord."

"Why?"

"Out of spite and a broken heart," he huffed, but a hint of a smile once again appeared and the slope of his shoulders relaxed. "There was a girl in my village that I fell in love with when I was around sixteen, making me more motivated than ever to continue keeping my identity hidden. For if I did, I would be able to stay there and live the normal unassuming life I craved. But, you see, she had only ever been stringing me along. She thought I was sweet, but could never see beyond the fact I wasn't fully daemon and thought I was someone beneath her. She craved a life outside that little village, so when someone else came along that she thought could fulfill her needs, she broke things off with me in the cruelest of ways. At the time, it nearly broke me, and I couldn't stand to be there any longer, so I left to fulfill the destiny that I had denied for so long. Any concerns I had previously had before didn't worry me anymore. If I ended up dead because of it, then so be it. I didn't care anymore."

"I'm sorry." It was you who reached out for him this time, resting your hand on top of his as a wave of empathy rolled through you. You may have never had your heart broken before, but you understood exactly what it was like to experience a rejected and turned away based on something you had no control over.

"I'm not," he shook his head, smile widening as he looked at the hand on top of his own. "If I had stayed where I was, I would have been miserable. At the time, I didn't understand why I was chosen, and perhaps a small part of me still wonders why the maetha chose me of all people, but ever since you showed up in the picture, I think I've finally begun to understand."

"I wish I could say the same." You retracted your hand, pulling it back around your legs as his words brought you back to the reality that surrounded you, reminding you just who it was you had been comforting. "No matter which way I run through things in my head, it just doesn't make any sense. A little over a month ago I was just another half-daemon trying to survive in this crazy world, and now I'm being told I'm the mate of the daemon king and his seven generals. It's just a lot in a small amount of time, and I'm having a hard time processing it all."

You stuck your chin against the top of your knees, looking up once more at the walls that had been your home for the past twenty years. There had been a time when you had yearned to leave them behind, but not like this. Not when your path only led you to another prison. A different city, but with the same walls that had tormented you as a child.

"My whole life I've been seen by nothing more than my status as a half-daemon. It's dictated my entire life, telling me what I can and can't do because of it. And not once has anyone ever taken the time to see what lies beyond it. To see me, the real me. Not the half-daemon y/n. Not the Black Angel with the magical blood. And not your stupid mate. Just me. Just y/n. And lately," you took a deep breath, shaking in the exhale, "I've been wondering if she's even still there."

You hadn't meant to tell him any of that, but the words had fallen out before you could stop them, fueled by his earlier revelation and you could feel his gaze on you as you finished, heavy with unspoken sympathy.

"You mentioned you were here to escort me back to the city, right?" You spoke up before he had a chance to reply, not wanting to hear what his response might have been. "I don't like it, but if I'm left with no choice in the matter, then I do wish to take you up on that offer. I don't have much, but there are a few items I would rather not part with."

"Of course."

If he wanted to push you further on the matter and prod your brain for what exactly you had meant by any of your earlier thoughts, he didn't. Instead, he followed your lead and pushed himself back up to his feet, stretching out the muscles in his back. When the action caused his shirt to lift and reveal the toned surface beneath, you immediately turned your gaze unable to stop the heat that rose up inside you.

What the hell was wrong with you?

It wasn't like you hadn't ever seen a shirtless man before, let alone other more intimate areas. So, maybe, it wasn't in that specific context before, but rather in the numerous injuries you had healed in your lifetime, but never once had you felt that rush through you before and you only hoped it hadn't leaked through the bond. The last thing you needed was for them to realize a part of you was physically attracted to them and use that to their advantage. You didn't think you could survive if they did.

"Just give me a second to get the barrier down." If Yeosang noticed, he did a hell of a job hiding it, rolling out his shoulders once more before turning to the barrier behind you.

"This was you?"

He shook his head. "No, the barriers are all San's doing."

"It's his daemon ability?" you asked, head tilting as your hand brushed against the invisible wall.

It seemed so obvious now that you knew, the feel of it beneath your skin strangely familiar to the daemon you had danced with so many nights ago. The energy in which it thrummed feeling distinctly of him, and the only explanation you had for the strange phenomena was the bond that now tied you to him-

- Maybe that was also the explanation for the way you had reacted to him earlier and the reason your heart was still beating just a smidge too fast. Yes, that had to be it. Why else would you have felt that way?

"How does he maintain it? It's been up for days." And you would know, having snuck off more than once the past few days for no other purpose than to see if it was still there or not.

"Barriers of this scale and complexity require the use of his blood to create and maintain, but if you're still curious about it, you should ask him. He could explain it all better than I would be able to and says he would be more than happy to give you a demonstration as well."

"He says?" You looked back at Yeosang as your hand dropped back down to your side. "You're talking with him right now? How?"

"Through the bond," he replied. "It ultimately stems from Hongjoong's ability to speak with us at any distance, though the bond limits the rest of us to a certain distance. With a little training, though, not only can you learn to control those thoughts, but you can also learn to direct them to certain individuals instead of everyone within distance."

"Is that all it does? Just sort of like everyone's mind together?"

"No, it affects each of us in different ways, and some more than others."

With the barrier now down, Yeosang motioned for you to follow him. You paused for a second, tentatively reaching out with your hand and half-expecting him to by lying to you. But your hand wasn't stopped this time and merely slipped through the air. Whatever barrier had held you back the past few days was finally down.

"Take Seonghwa for example. His ability only allows him to teleport to places within a certain radius around him, but the bond gave him the ability to also teleport directly to anyone else he's attached to, no matter the distance," he continued, guiding you in the direction of the city's gate. "That's why it was so devastating when it was him who had been injured in Binna. If it had been any of the rest of us, Seonghwa could have gotten them back to the rest of us, but it just had to be him. And by the time we realized just how severe it was, he had already lost too much blood. If he had tried to teleport to one of us, he likely would have died. Our only chance of saving him was keeping him there on the off chance you would show up. And you did." He looked back at you, gaze softening. "I know things have been rough for you since that night and things might have happened in ways they shouldn't have, but if you only knew what it had been like for us. To not only have Seonghwa alive and safe, but to have finally found you. It was... overwhelming to say the least. Enough so, that even Mingi lost his grip on his mind for a moment."

"And now that you've found me," your arms wrapped around your body, finding it hard to control the shiver his words elicited, "what do you plan on doing with me?"

It had been a question that had plagued you since your emotions had finally settled down and you had regained a grip on your mind once more. In your initial panic, you had left Hongjoong as quickly as you could, needing time and space to process the overload of information he had just dumped on you. And it was only once you had calmed down that you realized the amount of question you had for him now that you were thinking logically once more. He had claimed you were their mate, but he had never gotten around to stating what it was they intended to do with you because of it. Did they plan on accepting you and forcing you to play the dutiful mate? Or did they plan on rejecting you for something as trivial as your mixed blood?

Hongjoong's words and actions from that night had all but confirmed acceptance, and the others' only then served to reaffirm this thought. But you felt no relief from it, instead you wished the opposite would have been true. It might have hurt to have been rejected, knowing full well it had only been because of your lineage, but it wasn't anything you hadn't been through before. It wasn't anything you couldn't have handled.

It would have hurt, yes. You may have faced enough rejection over your lifetime to have become used to it, but that didn't mean it still wouldn't have stung in some ways. But it would have made sense. He was the daemon king and you were just a halfbreed. Just a mutt. Your father might have been someone of a higher class, but you weren't. And you never would be.

That was why you were so confused as to why each of them seemed so intent on accepting it. How each of them thought it was normal for someone of their status to be with someone of yours just didn't make any sense. Not when you were someone history had dictated would never belong in their world, and just because they seemed fine with it didn't mean the others would. You hadn't been around many daemons in your life, but you knew the reaction it would pull. You knew they would never accept you as one of them. Because you weren't. The sooner they came to realize this small fact, the better.

"Well, you are our mate," Yeosang replied, and you were unable to control the shiver his words brought this time. "We were hoping you would accept it. Accept us."

"And what if I don't? What if I say I don't want any of this? That I don't want any of you?" It was hard to speak, throat tightening on you as the inevitable hit you once more. "Would you accept my refusal and let me be?"

Your answer was in the silence which followed your question. The length it took him to come up with a suitable reply all but telling you what you had already known to be true. That there was no way out of this. It didn't matter what you wanted. It didn't matter what you thought. They had decided your fate when they had bonded you to them. The only choice you had in the matter was whether to try and fight it or just give in and accept it.

"Is that what you want?" Yeosang did his best to keep his response level, but you heard the way his voice still wobbled, hinting at the emotions that wavered treacherously beneath his carefully calculated expression.

"I don't know," you sighed, "but it would be nice to be given a choice. To have time to process everything and come to my own conclusion without you all butting in and deciding it for me."

"And if we had, would you have accepted us then?"

This time it was your silence that answered his question. The uncertainty of the situation making you pause for a second as he turned the table towards you. If things had been different, and it hadn't been forced on you in the manner it had, you honestly didn't know how you would have responded, but you had an inkling it would have been similar to how it was now. While you harbored strong frustrations towards each of them for taking your choice away from you, that wasn't why you were so hesitant over it all. That wasn't why you were so terrified at the prospect of being their mate.

If you were able to put your insecurities and frustrations aside, you thought things might have been different. There was no mistaking the physical attraction you felt towards each of them, the earlier incident evidence of that, nor the inward pull that had you yearning to get in close and stop avoiding them. Whether this was because of the bond that Hongjoong had put in place, the fact you were mates, or something else, you weren't sure. After all, you had felt some sort of connection to Seonghwa before the bond had taken hold, left in of the man before you.

You still remembered the strange pit that had formed in your stomach when you he had drank of your blood. Of all the times you had proffered your blood to heal another, it had never felt like such an intimate act as it had that night. At the time you had just assumed it was your nerves, terrified of the man in front of you, but what if it had been something more?

And though you didn't know them, not yet, at least, the attentiveness and kindness each of them had shown you during your time with them had been nice. You would never admit it out loud, but you had enjoyed that time with them more than you ever had with the humans. Having plenty of time to rest and recharge, being treated as a normal person, it was more than anyone had ever given you before. Never in your life had anyone ever treated you in such a way before. To have looked beyond your slit eyes or the lack of horns on your head and treated you kindly. It would have been the best week in your life if it hadn't been for the fact your life had hung in the balance.

And yet, there had been a reason they had chosen to look past what others had been unable to. They hadn't seen you as either daemon or human, but they hadn't seen you for who you truly were either. No, they had simply seen you as their mate and then treated you accordingly. And that singular fact hurt more than it would have if the opposite had been true. If they had simply treated you as the halfbreed you were.

"I'm aware that all of this is probably normal for you, that finding out your someone's mate is a more joyous occasion, but nothing about this is normal for me. It's foreign, confusing, and more than a little overwhelming. Having and finding your mate might simply be a way of life for you, but it's not the way I grew up where who we ended up with was a choice rather than something decided by fate. And though it might be a bit different for you than most daemons, Hongjoong has known about me my entire life and has had two decades to think things over and make a decision. And I didn't get any of that. I had it forced upon me before I even knew what was happening, so forgive me, pleasse," you took a deep breath, hands clenching at your sides and causing the nails to dig into your skin, "if I seem to have some reservations about it all."

"Which are perfectly valid, however hard they might be to here." As you neared the city's entrance, Yeosang reached out to you, pulling you to a stop next to him so that he had your full attention. "And though it may be wrong of me to ask this of you after everything that's happened, could you at least give us a try? Things may have started off badly, but is there nothing we can do to redeem ourselves? If it's time you need, we can give you that. All we ask, all I ask, is that you give us another chance before throwing it all away. Please, angel, I'm begging you."

The desperation in his voice caught you off guard. The way his eyes pleaded with you in that moment made your stomach twist and you were unable to hold his gaze for more than a few seconds as the feeling of vulnerability hit you once more. Here was one of the Seven, one of the most powerful beings in your world, all but begging for your forgiveness for the wrong he had done you.

You didn't know what scared you the most in that moment. The raw emotion buried within his words, the way he was looking at you as though you were the only thing that mattered, or the fact it was working.

You didn't want it too, still hurt and bitter about what they had done to you, but goddammit, he was right. As someone who had grown up helping others, you had grown up believing that everyone deserved a second chance at life, no matter what they had done. It was why you had been so willing to save the injured daemons. It was why you had been willing to save Seonghwa. Because who were you to decide whether or not they died? People made mistakes all the time and these mistakes were bound to hurt others, especially the ones closest to them. So, who were you to deny them that second chance when they seemed more than willing to change? When they were all but begging for you to let them redeem themselves?

"You said you can give me more time," you spoke slowly, trying to keep your own emotions under control. "What exactly do you mean by that?"

Yeosang straightened up, the grip in which he held you with tightening at the hopeful prospect your response elicited. "In whatever way you needed. We would ask that you still come with us to ensure your own safety and wellbeing, but we won't rush you into anything that you're not comfortable with. We can do things on your time if that's what you so wish."

"My time," you echoed his words, letting the implication of them hit. It wasn't ideal. Not since you had been forced into this whole ordeal to begin with, but it did offer you some small comfort knowing that the way things could and would proceed from here on out could be done at a pace and way you were comfortable with. "And all of you would be okay with that?"

"Of course. Anything you may need or want, we'll do. All you have to do is ask."

None of it truly changed what would happen, and you were fully aware that despite how you felt, you would still be going with them. It all just boiled down to whether you would go willingly or by force.

And yet, there was still some relief in knowing you now had time. You may have very well been in the same position you were before, having no real say in whether you got to stay or go, but there was some ease of mind knowing you could do things on your time, that you had some time to sort through your thoughts and feelings and not be forced into anything else you weren't comfortable with. There was peace in knowing you had some of the power in your hands, in knowing you still had some control over how exactly your fate would play out. It wasn't much, but it was more than you had before.

"Okay," you took another breath, doing your best to stop the blush that was creeping up the back of your neck at his words. You knew he didn't mean they would do absolutely anything for you, not if it meant losing you, but it still made your stomach flop. "I'll think about it."

~

Do you need something?

You jumped at the voice that rang out in your head, breaking the inner monologue you had been mulling over for the past twenty minutes in your attempt to decide whether it was a good time to approach him or not. Looking up, you saw Hongjoong had stopped sparring for the moment to talk with a daemon soldier, but his gaze had turned in your direction, brow raised as he awaited your response.

Can we talk?

To your surprise, he nodded. You hadn't known what exactly you were doing when it came to talking to him through the bond, but it seemed as though whatever you had done had worked and gotten through to him.

You had little time to celebrate your accomplishment, quickly noting the way he grabbed a nearby towel and wrapped up his conversation with the lesser daemon before making his way over. After talking with Yeosang the day before, you had spent the majority of that day and night thinking over everything he had said and what it had meant for you. And the more you pondered over it, the more you came to realize what your next step would have to be. Talking with Yeosang could only do so much. If you truly wanted to hash out what was to happen with you now and set the boundaries you wished to set, you were left with no choice but to speak with all of them. But first, you needed to clear a few things up with Hongjoong.

It had taken you nearly an hour to gather the courage to go through with it once you realized it was the next reasonable step for you to take, and then another once you had narrowed down his location in the camp. When you had seen what he was up to, you very nearly retreated then and there, especially since Wooyoung, San, and Jongho had also been there. This wasn't the first time you had found them here, often catching sight of one or two out in the fields on your way to some corner of the camp. And though you often diverted your eyes and hurried along, that hadn't stopped you from sneaking a few peaks as you did, especially today.

You had retreated to a nearby tree, doing your best to shroud your body in shadows as you attempted to wait him out before fully giving up. And though your eyes had done their best to focus on the sketchbook in hand, it hadn't stopped them from peaking over the cover every so often. You had told yourself it was to check and see if Hongjoong was free yet, but the excuse never covered the way your eyes lingered for a few extra seconds before returning to your lap.

You knew they were skilled, but it was still something else seeing them in action. Even if they weren't using their full potential against each other, it was still clear to you why none of them had ever been stopped before. Your eyes had struggled to keep up with their movements, not just from the speed in which they moved, but the way their muscles had rippled, eliciting a very similar feeling to the one with Yeosang before.

"C'mon, why don't we go somewhere a little more private?"

You jumped once more at his approach, quickly shutting the sketchbook in your lap and hoping he didn't take notice of the fact it was him who you had been drawing. Only once it was safely tucked away did you take the hand he extended towards you and allowed him to help pull you to your feet.

You struggled to get a read on him, taking quick note of the distance he had put between the two of you since the last time you had talked. He was guarded, more so than he had been the last time, and you were quickly reminded of the way things had ended between you. Of the last words you had said to him. And though they had been the truth, you still began to regret them in that moment, fully aware of the way they had cut him and how you would have never dared to say it if it hadn't been for your own heightened emotions.

"I'm sorry if anything I said or did that night hurt you," you started once he had led you back to the place where it had begun between you. "It's just, everything happened so fast and nothing you said or did could have prepared me for what you said and I panicked."

"You have no reason to apologize. You were right in what you had said. I never should have bonded you to us then. Not without your consent, and in doing so, I had hurt you." He leaned against the table that took up the center of the room, looking everywhere but at you. "It was just so overwhelming finally seeing you after all that time that I didn't think. I was terrified of losing you, and after everything I had been through to finally get to this point, I acted on impulse to make sure I never would. It might not feel this way from your view, but I did it for you. Everything I did was for you. To ensure your safety. To ensure your happiness. And yet, I've already failed."

You sunk down on the edge of the bed, the effect his words had on you making you unstable. The intimacy in his tone making you all the more uncomfortable, even more so since it was coming from him. Even with all the time you had spent processing everything, to not only be in his presence, but at the end of his concern, was still so strange. You weren't used to this type of attention, this care and concern they all seemed to shower onto you, and it only added to the insecurities that had plagued you since he had revealed you were their mate.

"What you did wasn't right, and I'm still struggling with my frustrations towards you all for it, but after talking with Yeosang and thinking over some things myself, I think I might be willing to give this all a chance, but," you raised your hand before he had a chance to respond, "I still need to clarify a few things with you and the others first. And then, if I'm comfortable with the answers you give me, maybe we can work something out. Or at least make me more willing to go with you."

"Of course. Please, ask away."

He did his best to contain the reaction your response gave, but you still felt a shiver of excitement roll through you in that instance. And though you didn't know exactly how you knew it, you were fully aware that emotion hadn't been your own, but the man's next to you. His emotions momentarily leaking into you through the bond that linked you.

"In a minute." You shook your head. "Not only do I think that it would be best if everyone was present for them so I can hear from you altogether, but there's still something I need to discuss with you before we can move on to that."

"Your father," Hongjoong answered for you. "Yes, Yeosang said you would probably come asking about it."

"I need to know what happened. If he was innocent, and someone else is to blame for my mother's death," your breath shook, the thought of finally discovering what had gone down that night was nearly overwhelming, "I think I deserve to know."

"I'll tell you, but," he lifted a finger to stop the rebuttal that began to claw its way out of your throat at but, "it won't be easy to hear. And I don't doubt you'll wish to be alone once the story has been told in full. If you wish to talk to us about making things work, I doubt you'll feel much like talking once we're done here."

You took a deep breath, the ominous message behind his words making you shiver. Yeosang had said things were more complicated than they seemed from the surface, but both had hinted at the truth being hard to hear. And why was that? Because they had allowed the thought of your father actually being a good man to bloom? And to hear he had still snapped and killed your mother would only serve to make it worse for you than it had been before?

"Then I guess you'll just have to wait." You set your face and nodded your confirmation. Hard to hear or not, this was something you still needed to know. Especially if the rest of them had also played a role in it all.

"My father was not a kind man, and he did many terrible things during his reign as king. He craved the power his position held and did everything he could to gain more, no matter the cost. He loathed the fact that I was stronger than him, that I could take everything away from him if I so wished, so he did everything in his power to ensure I kept my place beneath him." His words mirrored a similar sentiment Yeosang had held towards the the former king and you were quick to notice how they elicited a similar response from him. "And as time went on and the daemons became less happy with his rule, his paranoia became increasingly worse and only served to add to the cruelty he showed them. It was clear that someone needed to put a stop to it, and that I was one of the only daemons who was able to stop him, but I didn't know how. I was stronger, but he knew my weaknesses and played them to his strengths. He knew how close I was with my own guard and had no shame in exploiting it. He may have been no match for me, but my guard was not and they were the ones who suffered whenever I stepped out of line."

"He hurt them?"

It was just as much a statement for yourself to process just exactly he was hinting at as it was a question to him, absolutely appalled. When Yeosang had mentioned the previous king had been cruel, you had expected a cruelty akin to the rumors you had grown up hearing about daemons as a whole. You hadn't expected to hear of a man who was so jealous of his own son and the power he held, that he actively hurt others to make sure he did exactly what he wanted him to.

"My father took great pride in the ability he obtained from my grandfather, the one that allowed him to take control of another person's body so long as some of his blood had entered their system. For reasons we never did quite understand, it did not work against me, nor was I able to use it against him, so all I could do was stand and watch as he made them enact his cruelty on them, themselves." Hongjoong shuddered, and despite everything he had done to you, it didn't stop the wave of sympathy that filled you in that moment. "They always insisted it was fine. That it wasn't my fault, but how was it not? If I so much as questioned anything he did or showed the slightest ounce of disobedience, they were the ones who suffered for it."

"But they were right." You stood up from your seat on the bed, cautiously approaching him and placing your hand against the one he had braced against the table behind him. "It wasn't your fault. That blame lies on your father. Not you. And no matter what he might have said to convince you otherwise, he's wrong."

"Thank you." He seemed surprised by your presence, but he didn't push you away. Instead, he only leaned further into you, shifting his body closer towards yours. "That means a lot coming from you, even if I don't quite believe or deserve it. But, you didn't come to me to hear about my past, but what happened to your father." He paused for a second, taking a deep breath before continuing. "You see, your father may have been one of the king's guards, but he hated the man he had become. He refused to stand by and allow the cruelty to continue, so one day he approached me when my father was out of town. He told me what he had been thinking and proposed a plan to assassinate my father. It was a good plan if done perfectly, one where no one would end of being killed, but before we could follow through with it, it fell through. Despite the precautions we had put in place, my father still somehow received word of something going on. And I swear, if it wasn't for your father or Seoyun, all of us would have probably died that night."

You shook at the wave of fear that coursed through you in that moment, tightening your hold on his hand as you blinked back the tears his sorrow caused. The pain and anguish that filled him was nearly overwhelming, and it was only a fraction of what he had felt that night.

"Angel, I'm so sorry." His frown increased when he looked up to see the tears that lined your eyes, suddenly aware that he had slipped and allowed his emotions to flow over into you. "I didn't-"

"It's okay." You shook your head, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze to tell him it was fine. "I don't mind. I mean, can I really complain after the hell I've probably caused you to go through because I can't control mine yet? You don't have to worry about keeping them locked away, at least not for my sake."

He nodded, though you still felt the emotions pull back from you in the moments that followed. "Seoyun was able to settle his rage before anything got too out of hand, and to ensure something like this never happened again, he sent Minsu away to the humans. And for the next fifteen years, I didn't dare step another foot out of line; at least not until you suddenly appeared in my life."

"This Seoyun you mentioned, who is she?"

"A... childhood friend and someone who's saved our lives more times than I can count. You see, she's one of the daemons who have seemed to slip through the cracks of the spell and was born with a unique ability. Without her ability to influence others' emotions, we never would have been able to quell my father's rage when he got worked up."

You nodded, wondering why he had paused in mentioning his relation to this woman and if it meant what you thought it meant. You didn't care. Really you didn't. You knew Hongjoong was your mate, but that didn't mean that you wanted him in that way. At least not yet. And if he had past relations with other women, you didn't care.

"But, like I said," Hongjoong continued, pulling your thoughts from Seoyun and what might have occurred between the two of them before, "your father was sent to observe the humans and I didn't dare to try anything else until my first vision of you appeared. Even to this day, I can still see it clearly. Of Minsu's face staring down at you as though you were the most precious thing in the world. If the shock of you finally being born wasn't enough, it was knowing you were Minsu's daughter. And unfortunately for all of us, I wasn't able to hide my emotions well enough and it wasn't long before my father found out."

"He killed them, didn't he?"

You had known it was coming, but it did little to lighten the weight of it as the realization sunk in. You had never known either of your parents; at least not long enough for you to count, but knowing the truth still hurt because it changed everything. You had had your suspicions over the years through Soomin, but knowing that he had truly loved her, had truly loved you, sent you reeling.

"We tried to stop him. Once I recieved word he was traveling to Maehwa, Yeosang and I raced after him, but we were too late to save your mother. Fortunately, Minsu had some warning, as you and your siblings were gone by the time my father arrived. And to ensure he didn't spend the next weeks hunting you three down, Yeosang used his ability to fake your deaths."

You were silent, fighting the wave of emotions that soard through you. Hongjoong had been right when he said the truth would be hard to hear, but not in the way you had expected. Hearing your father was actually a monster would have been easy to hear compared to this. Compared to the knowledge his and your mother's deaths were all because of you.

"No," Hongjoong shook his head, hearing the direction your thoughts had taken. The hand under yours slipped out, reaching for your chin and forcing you to look up at him. "It wasn't your fault. If anyone's to blame, it's me. If I had done a better job at hiding it, he never would have found out and your parents would have never died. It's my fault, angel. Not yours. It's my fault for not standing up to my father when I should have. So if you have to put the blame somewhere, put it on me."

It was strange; mourning people you had never even known. Mourning a life that had never been yours and yet, could have if things had only played out a little different. For years, you had kept everything bottled up inside, hiding the pain behind a mask of anger. And now that the anger was gone, there was nothing to stop the sorrow that had built up all those years.

You're a lot like him, you know, Yeosang had said. He would have absolutely adored you.

At the time you had hated those words, hated him for comparing yourself to your father, but now, now they sent a wave of warmth flowing through you.

"I won't lie, part of me wants to, but I can't and I won't." You closed your eyes, understanding now why Hongjoong had warned you about hearing the truth and why Yeosang had insisted it was him you hear it from. "Because it's not true. It's not right. Your father's sins are not your own and he's the only one we have the right to blame here, however hard it may be."

At the time you had hated those words, hated him for comparing yourself to your father, but now, now they sent a wave of warmth and encouragement flowing through you.

"Angel." The word was nothing more than a breath and before you knew what was happening, he had pulled you flush against him and into a tight embrace.

You tensed, fully aware of just who was holding you as though his very life depended on it. But at the soft, mumbling "Thank you," that followed, you allowed yourself to slowly sink into his touch, wrapping your own arms around him. After everything the both of you had gone through to get to this point right here, this was something you both needed.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have." Hongjoong was the first to pull back, stepping fully away. "Do you wish to be alone?"

"No," you shook your head, "You may stay if you wish. I... I might have more questions for you in a moment."

"Of course," he nodded, "whatever you need."

He guided you to back to the bed and you sank down along the edge with little resistance, giving your legs some much needed rest before they collapsed on you. He sat down beside you, far enough away that you had enough space to be comfortable, but close enough to know he was there if you were to need anything.

"You came after me, why? You could have just left me and the others to die, but you didn't. Why?"

"Because you were my mate. I would have done anything and everything to keep you safe."

“But I was a halfbreed.”

"Perhaps when I was younger I might have cared. I'm not proud to say that I viewed half-daemons differently then and I could blame it on the way I was raised and the community I grew up in, but I should have known better. I should have known that one's lineage or blood had nothing to do on their character." He took a deep breath, carefully gauging your reaction out of the corner of his eyes. "It was your father who helped to change my view, as well as other members of my guard who had spent their first few years of life differently than I. So, when it came to be known that Yeosang wasn't fully daemon, I realized everything my father had told me was wrong. They weren't a pest or scourge so many daemons liked to claim. They weren't any less than those pure of blood. For how could they, when one of them had helped to save myself and the other guard members from my father's wrath so may times?

"And never once did I ever think negatively of you for your lineage. In fact, I cherished it. Because I knew through you, change might finally come."

"I think," you spoke after a few moments of silence, "I think I'd like to have that talk with you and the others now."

"Are you sure, angel? You don't have to, we can-"

"No, I'm sure." You nodded. "Knowing the truth of what happened to my father might have been difficult to hear and it might be a while before I can fully take in what happened, but there is also great relief in it as well. I'll now mourn for them and the life that could have been, but knowing that my father was innocent has lifted a weight on my shoulders I didn't even know was there. And for the first time in my life, I'm... I'm proud to say he was my father." Tears pricked at your eyes, the weight that was lifted at admitting those words causing another wave of emotions to course through you. "And after everything you've just told me, about him and the others, there are other questions I wish to ask, but feel as though it would be better if everyone was here."

"If that is what you wish, then I will call them."

"Thank you," you replied, doing your best to wipe the last of the tears away and to straighten yourself up before the others arrived.

At no surprise to you, Seonghwa was the first to arrive, teleporting next to you mere seconds after Hongjoong had informed you they were on their way. You had expected him to pull such a move, wanting to beat the others to you, but you still jumped when he suddenly appeared beside you.

Mingi and Yunho were next to arrive, whispering between themselves as they entered the tent. Their words fell away when they saw you sitting in between Hongjoong and Seonghwa on the bed, and they each sent a reassuring smile in your direction alongside their greeting.

San, Wooyoung, and Jongho followed closely after, the dust scattered across their clothes and the hair that clung to the back of their necks and face showing they must have continued sparring throughout your conversation with Hongjoong.

The last to arrive was Yeosang, and his appearance quickly brought back everything Hongjoong had said about him. How he had saved your life when he used his ability to make the former king believe you to already be dead and how he had also used it to save the others from him as well.

Just what had they gone through before? Hongjoong mentioned no specifics when it came to the way his father had punished each of them, but the pain you had felt through Hongjoong was all you needed to know. The suffering they had gone through at his hands was something you could never fully understand, but it didn't stop the burst of sympathy that came through you or the sudden urge you had to comfort them. To tell you how sorry you were for the pain they had endured and how you wished you could have been there to ease it.

But that would have to wait. Now was not the time nor place for it, and if you wanted to get to that place, you would need to secure your footing with them now. You couldn't afford to let yourself get pulled into their lives when you were still wondering just what your place with them was.

"I called you all here because I've done quite a bit of thinking these past few days," you began, eyes trained at the hands fiddling in your lap, "and despite things starting off rather badly, after talking with Yeosang and Hongjoong, I think I might just be willing to give this whole thing a try. To give you all a try, but I do have some final questions for all of you before I make my final decision. The first being what exactly would it look like if I were to accept?"

"I should think it would be obvious," Hongjoong began when the responsibility of the answer fell on him. "You are my mate, and through the bond that now binds us all, you are also theirs. Each of us are in agreement to treat you as such. You'll be taken care of, given anything you may require or desire, and when the proper time comes, you'll become queen."

"And you're all okay with that?" Your voice shook, unable to ignore the fact Hongjoong had just explicitly stated he had full intention of making you his queen when the time came. But you pushed it aside for the moment, choosing to focus on the more important topic at the moment; the one that your fate balanced upon. "This whole sharing a mate thing, I mean. You're all okay with it?"

"It was a bit strange at first, sure," Mingi was the one to respond first, beating Hongjoong. "I don't think any of us were expecting it to happen when Hongjoong was crowned and the bond reached its full strength, but you have to understand the bond between mates is unlike anything else, and many consider it to be the most sacred aspects of the maetha inside us. As someone who had never experienced this feeling until a few years ago, I'll be the first to attest that it's not something you can just easily push aside. And the additional bond that ties us all together only further intensifies those feelings."

"It's not very often mates end up rejecting one another, and there's good reason for it," Yunho continued. "You might not feel it quite as strongly as us due to your human side, but I'm sure even you can feel it to some extent, especially with our other bond. A yearning that starts in the pit of your stomach, growing stronger with each passing moment you spend together and subconsciously pulling you in closer, filling you with a desire that becomes harder and harder to ignore. And then that terrible aching in your chest when you're apart from each other, growing worse the longer you're away. Not enough to kill you, but enough to drive you to near insanity."

"It's why the Black Guard are born without mates." Seonghwa added at your side, and you were quick to note the truth behind Yunho's earlier words. At some point in the conversation, Seonghwa had placed his hand down on the bed behind you and you found yourself slowly leaning back into it, nearly closing the gap between you. "To neglect them of a bond that powerful would be torture and they would never be able to fulfill their roles and put the king before any and everyone else. Hongjoong knew this, so when we discovered what had happened when we each saw the vision of you on your eighteenth birthday, he wasted little time in deciding what would happen and that we would all just share you."

"It might be strange, but we've almost spent a century together at this point. Our entire lives have been spent leaning and trusting on one another. The idea that we would now all share a mate felt more natural than any of us had expected. And as someone who's always yearned to experience a relationship such as this, it was like a dream come true." Jongho's face tinted pink at his confession, and the sincerity in which he looked at you in that moment almost caused you to blush.

It was the very same sincerity that traced each of their features, all but ensuring each of them were speaking the truth. As crazy as it was to you, none of them seemed bothered by the fact they would be sharing you, nor show any trace of jealousy, at least at the moment. Not even Hongjoong, who made no motion to rebuke any of the their statements, caring more about them and their own wellbeing than being upset by the fact he would be sharing his mate with each of them.

"I'll admit you've each put up a pretty convincing argument," you began after a few moments of silence, "but you're all skipping over a rather important piece of information, especially if you're convinced of treating me the way you claim you will. How are the other daemons going to respond to this? This bond between us and your history with my kind might have made it easier for each of you to accept me, but what about the others? What will you do when my presence causes an uproar? Because believe me, it will."

“If anyone were to speak ill of you or attempt to harm you in any way, they’ll be dealt with accordingly-”

"In which case you don't mean murdering them, right?" You quirked a brow over at San, knowing exactly what the hand of justice looked like to the daemons. Hongjoong might have not been his father, but his past actions had shwon he was just as willing to kill for the right reason. "You can't just go around killing anyone and everyone who has wronged me in some way. Not only is that a terrible way to foster a better relationship between daemons and my kind, but it makes me feel terrible," you continued, stopping him or anyone else who tried to rebuke your sentiments. "And besides, if you did, then just about everyone in this world would be dead, including each of you."

"You make a valid point, but," Mingi responded, elbowing San in the side to get him to shut up before he said anything else that might have upset you further, "if anyone dared to threaten your life or safety, none of us can guarantee that we would be able to reign in our wrath the way you might want us to. We're not quite as merciful as you are, angel."

"Not that anyone would ever be able to make it that far though," Wooyoung piped up. "None of us would ever let anything happen to you. Your safety and happiness are our top priority."

"Perhaps there may be times when death is unavoidable, but I hope you would only act on it if my life was actually in danger and there was no other choice. Otherwise, I would prefer not only for you to not kill them, but to let me deal with it on my own. I may not be very capable in a fight, but I can handle a few nasty words thrown my way. I've had my whole life to practice, after all," you sighed, already fully aware of the chaos your presence was going to cause and wondering what the hell you were thinking to consider willingly subjecting yourself to it.

"Which leads me to another important note. If this is going to work, you're going to let me do things my way and on my own time. I'm still beyond frustrated at you all and the way you forced me into this. And though coming to learn your actions might have been done with a pure intent, that doesn't excuse them or change the fact they still hurt me. For weeks I was left confused and terrified for my life. I thought I was going to die, and then you dump this crazy, fucking mess on me, leaving me even more confused and terrified than I was before." You paused for just a moment, catching your breath. "My whole life I've been told I'm nothing and that I'll amount to nothing. I've been called any and all the names for a person of my status and have been rejected because of it more times than I can count. And sure, you learn to ignore it after a while, otherwise you'll drive yourself insane, but that doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt. Each and every insult and rejection slowly chipping away at me." You pulled your knees up to your chest, burying your chin in between them. "And when everyone around you holds that same sentiment towards you, it only takes so long for it to start creeping in. You can only tell yourself it's not true for so long before you start to fall for their lies. Before you start to believe it yourself. So when you tell me something completely different than what I've been led to believe my entire life, it's... hard. And it hurts. It hurts because..."

I know if I wasn’t your mate, none of you would have made a passing glance in my direction. 

You didn't dare voice it out loud, not quite ready to bare yourself that much to them, but at the way Seonghwa's arm tensed behind you, you knew you had just done it again and each one of them had heard the words that had just rang through your head.

"And believe me when I say I don't blame you for it. After all, why would you?" Your words were soft, muffled against your legs as you sunk further into yourself. "I mean, you're the fucking daemon king and his seven generals; the most powerful men in this part of the world. And I'm what? Just someone who was lucky to be born. So why would any of you have ever given me a passing thought if it wasn't for the fate that now ties us altogether?"

"Angel-"

"No," you shook your head, cutting Yunho off. "I didn't tell you any of that to gain your sympathy or pity, so please don't give it to me. It'll only make things worse for me. I only wish for you to understand why I reacted in the way I did. To understand why I hold so many reservations towards it all and why we have to do it my way for things to work. Because if we continue down this road you've started, it's not going to end well for any of us."

“Take any and all the time you need, angel,” Wooyoung responded. “We’ll be here waiting whenever you’re ready.”

“Even if it takes years?”

“We’re daemons, remember, pretty?” Seonghwa doesn’t miss a beat beside you. “Once you start nearing a century, a few years is nothing.”

“And what if it was a century?”

“I’ve waited that long already, what’s another one?” Hongjoong returned. “Especially now that I’ve finally found you.”

“If that’s what you believe, then you’re crazy,” you huffed, but a hint of a smile tugged at your lips. “No one is worth that long of a wait.”

“Then I guess we’re all just crazy,” San hummed from across the room. “Because I, for one, think you are more than worth the wait.”

At the murmur of agreement that traversed the room, you found yourself burying your head in your legs once more. No longer from an attempt to comfort yourself, but from the way their words left a blush to bloom across your face. Never in your life had anyone expressed this sort of sentiment towards you, and you struggled to control the way your stomach flipped at the thought. 

And for the first time since you had met them, you couldn’t help but wonder if maybe this life wouldn’t be too bad. If maybe the fate that had tied you to them wasn’t the end of the world. That maybe, just maybe, a part of you was almost happy to be their mate. 

~

a/n: taglists will now be in a reblog :) thanks for all your love and support

Forget sex can we drive around and vibe to music? i mean we still having sex but let's vibe a lil.

I’m gonna sparkle on this wednesday if it fucking kills me

Favourite genres of media include ‘makes me want to lie on the floor’ and ‘have to stop and stare into space about it for a while’ and sometimes both of those as well as ‘has rewired my brain so completely I will think about it every day forever’

---

pat pat

aaaaand the answer is back to torment my every waking moment, but i wouldn't have it any other way. san being a sneaky little guy was honestly not on my bingo for this series, but we love our gaslight gatekeep girlbosses in this household. i feel like this chapter really brought up more questions than answers (hehe get it?) but I'm not mad about it. love it as always, and will try to not obsess about this fic for at least 1 hour a day to start.

THE ANSWER: XXV

Kim Hongjoong doesn’t like the word ‘cult.’ He prefers ‘sect.’ pairing: ateez x fem reader genre: cult au, thriller, angst check warnings on AO3

← previous || next → || masterlist chapter word count: 10,689

You had half expected for the entire farm to be torn apart by the time you woke up, but your morning proceeds exactly as it has for however long its been since you got here. Of course, you’re also extremely on edge the entire time, you can’t swallow a single bite of your breakfast (no matter how many times San offers you a bite of his), you convince yourself that Hongjoong is staring at you harder than normal, and the lights seem too bright and the people too loud. 

You just… keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Surely they’ve realized that Haseul is gone by now, so why is no one acting like it? Realistically, its probably to keep people from panicking. If they sounded the alarms and started a manhunt, that wouldn’t look too good, especially when the cops show up.

There has never been a time in your life where you've been excited at the prospect of cops. Until you found yourself in this goddamned situation. Nothing could possibly be more satisfying to you than watching Hongjoong and Seonghwa get arrested, nothing better than testifying against them in a trial and watching them get put away for the rest of their earthly lives. 

There is the chance that San would be arrested too, though. Which would… be completely justified, but suck all the same. San has definitely been an accessory to murder, and at least willfully has covered up various murders and kidnappings… which is not cool. 

But how can you not look past those things when he’s pouting at you for not eating a single thing at breakfast? It’s not his fault that he’s here, right? That he was brainwashed and coerced into his role? You can’t blame him for acting for his survival. 

“You can’t just stop eating because you’re worried,” he nudges you once you’re back in your apartment. “You’ll wither away in this place.” 

You brush off his comment, knowing that this new state of yours won’t last for very long, “It’s just one breakfast.” 

San blinks at you, crossing his arms over his chest, “And what do they say about breakfast? Hm? The most important meal of the day?”

You roll your eyes, flopping down onto the couch. “What time is it?” 

He flicks his wrist up, looking down at his watch, “eight forty-seven.” 

Ugh. Not nearly close to time for book club. You have to wonder whether or not the cops will arrive before or after you’re forced to have one last chat with Hongjoong.

… Not that ‘forced’ is exactly the right word, here. No, you’re actually looking forward to this last meeting of yours. There are quite a few things that you would like to hear straight from the horse's mouth, rather than the police or the news or the lawyers or anyone else that might become involved. Plus, there are questions that probably could never be answered by anyone else. And you sure as hell don’t plan on visiting Hongjoong in prison. 

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。. 

When that time of day finally rolls around, you’re practically flinging yourself out the door, tugging San along with you to make the short walk to Hongjoong’s door. 

He barely gets his slippers on, stumbling behind you into the hallway, “Is there a reason you’re so eager today?” 

“I have questions that I want answered.” You pull on his hand, poor San so confused that you can sense it in the hesitance of his steps.

When you arrive, you knock on the door, San stopping at your side as you wait for Hongjoong to answer, “But are you sure you feel up to this? We could say that you’re si—”

San’s proposal is cut off by Hongjoong answering the door. “Hello, you two.” 

San mutters a hello back, but you’re too caught off guard by his appearance to give a proper greeting. “Why the hell are you dressed like that?” 

Hongjoong frowns, looking down at his outfit. “Like what?” 

“Like, like,” you look him up and down. He’s wearing all black, but not like the last time you had seen him not looking like a farmer. The day of your Choosing ceremony seems like so long ago, but you can still remember those freaky matching outfits quite well. No, he doesn’t wear any accessories and these clothes are less… industrial. The boots might be the same. Otherwise, the pants he wears now are nicer and his shirt a plain t with a long, black, silky… robe (?) over top. The sign of the answer is on his arm, sewn into the bicep. For a moment, you wonder who it is that does that embroidery; it’s quite nice. “Like a priest?” It’s not an exact comparison, but its the word your mind comes up with. 

San nudges your side as Hongjoong rolls his eyes, “You really don’t pay attention during service, do you?” 

“Not really.” San nudges you more urgently this time, giving you a bit of a pleading look when you glance over at him. 

Hongjoong only sighs, stepping aside and opening the door wider to invite you in. You bid goodbye to San as you step inside, brushing past Hongjoong.

“You seem like you’re in a good mood, today?” Hongjoong shuts the door behind you, following you into his apartment.

“I have a lot I want to talk with you about,” you say, settling onto his couch. It’s true, there is a lot that you want to clear up. Haseul must have made it to town by now, and she must have sent the police already. There are some things that you need to hear from Hongjoong before its all over.

Hongjoong sits in his usual chair, looking at you with a bit of apprehension, “Is that so?”

“Yep,” you rest your elbow on the arm of the couch, leaning into your hand. “You never answered my question.”

“About the clothes?” He shakes his head, “Again, you would know if you paid attention.” 

“Maybe I would be better able to focus on service if not for you conjuring up other things for me to worry about.” 

Hongjoong frowns, “What are you worried about?” 

You drop your chin, looking at him through your eyelashes, “Really?” 

He crosses his arms over his chest, rolling his eyes. “I’ll admit that I might’ve lost my temper yesterday, but Haseul is perfectly fine, (Y/n).” 

A giggle tries to escape you, but you manage to keep it in. You can’t decide if you’d rather Hongjoong know that you know the truth or not. On one hand, if you cut the bullshit, you might be able to have a better conversation. To get more answers to your questions. But… it could be possible that he has no idea the involvement that you or San played in her disappearance. That seems highly unlikely, but… You’re just not sure if you should risk it. 

“You don’t believe me?” He asks, apparently impatient with your lack of response, “Do you want to see her?” 

… That throws you for a bit of a loop. Why would he ask if he couldn’t back it up? Obviously he must know that you would say yes, that you would want to see her. So why would he offer something that he can’t provide? 

Is it… is it possible that San lied? That he didn’t get her out? That he didn’t even try?

You stare at Hongjoong, trying to see if this is another one of his games. He stares right back at you, not a hint of emotion on his face. Yeah. That’s it. 

“Can we cut the bullshit?” You ask, lowering your voice. 

The corners of his lips twitch upward, only a little, “I don’t know what you mean, (Y/n). Do you want to see her or not?” 

“We both know that Haseul isn’t here,” you blink, waiting for him to contradict you.

Contradict you, he does. “But she is,” he smiles, then, one of his knowing little smiles that already tells you what he’s thinking. He’s about to say something to hurt you. You know it. “It was a cute attempt, (Y/n), I must admit. Getting San to help you and all. I didn’t know he was so…” Hongjoong bites his lip, looking for the right word, “Enamored with you.” 

You try your hardest to not betray the complete and utter sinking desperation you feel. 

“That’ll be dealt with in its own time. Haseul is safe and sound in her room, with Mingi for company.” He smiles again, “You didn’t really think it would be so easy, did you?” 

You want to scream. Why can’t anything work? Why can’t anything go your way? “I want to see her,” you whisper, attempting to keep your voice steady.

Hongjoong hums, “I think not, actually. Consider it your punishment for trying to get her out. I’ll let you off easy, since I knew that you would try something. Next time, I won’t be as gracious.” 

There’s a million questions bouncing through your head now, having lost your advantage. You had been so confident coming into this apartment, so sure that things were going your way. Why didn’t you even… consider that she could’ve been caught? How foolish can you be?

You can practically feel the spark that you had fleeting out of you. It happened so fast. In less than two minutes, all of your hopes coming into this conversation were crushed. How can tha—

“But this leads us to another topic, (Y/n).” Hongjoong uncrosses his arms, leaning forward in his chair. “What’s going on with you and San? Hm?” 

You take a sharp inhale, again trying to contain any hint of emotion. You would rather Hongjoong didn’t know how off guard he just caught you, and you would also rather that he not know about the… extent of your relationship with San. Which seems to be precisely where this conversation is about to head. 

“Well, Hongjoong, we spend about every waking second together, thanks to you. So we’re close.”

Hongjoong frowns sarcastically, tilting his head, “Close enough that he would risk his neck to do you a favor? When he knows that he’s on thin ice with me?” He drops the expression, returning to his stony neutrality. “I’m giving you a chance to be honest, (Y/n). Maybe I’ll be nicer if I hear it from you instead of him.” 

You blink at him, unsure of what to say. You honestly hadn’t really even… thought about how you would classify your relationship with him. Obviously you care about him, and he cares about you. And you get each other off occasionally, but, like… its not like he’s your boyfriend or something. You don’t feel like you should tell Hongjoong the truth… but you don’t want to make things worse for San, either. 

“What, precisely, are you asking me, Hongjoong?” You probably sound more defensive than you should let on, but you can’t help it. 

“Have you slept together?” 

“No.” 

Hongjoong shrugs, “Be that way, (Y/n), but what I can’t take out on you, I will take out on him.”

You open and close your mouth a few times, trying to think of a response, “But— Hongjoong, that’s the truth.” 

He holds a hand up, shushing your stuttering attempts at defending yourself, “You’re really only going to make things worse for him if you keep talking. Which I’m sure would just break your little heart, hm?” 

“Hongjoong, I’m being honest, I swear to Go—”

“Swear to God?” He smiles, “I thought you didn’t believe in me?” 

If you weren’t so preoccupied with trying to prove San’s innocence, you would roll your eyes. Hongjoong and his fucking ego. 

He cuts you off when you start to plead your case again, “I don’t believe you, do you know why?” His eyes are wide with curiosity as he blinks at you, a knowing smile on his face. 

You don’t know why he’s so sure, but you don’t really want to know, either. Anyways, it is the God honest truth that you and San haven’t had sex, so you have no idea what he even thinks he knows. Unless he’s some sort of… Mormon or something, last time you checked, oral is generally not referred to as ‘sleeping together.’ Like, Christ, can you have no peace here? 

You don’t respond, so Hongjoong continues, “Remember your next door neighbor, Seonghwa?” 

Your face actually goes slack this time, a frown curling over your lips. “Seriously? Seonghwa is your source?” 

“He’s rather trustworthy, in my experience.” 

“Seonghwa. The man that hates me so much he wants me. You don’t see how he could, I don’t know, lie to get San in trouble to, I don’t know, get him out of his way?”

Hongjoong laughs, then, the sound echoing around his apartment. “No, I don’t see him doing that,” he says once he regains his breath, though it takes a few seconds. “He’s not so petty.”

You do scoff, then. Seonghwa has to be one of the pettiest people that you’ve ever met in your life. Like, seriously, no fucking way does Hongjoong believe him to not be petty. 

That being said… you do find it a little hard to believe that Seonghwa would lie about this. He was the one that told you that San is not in the best situation with Hongjoong, and he seemed… sympathetic is the wrong word, but, like, he warned you about it. Would someone that was going to set you up give you such a head’s up? Plus, he did remind you of the fact that you were neighbors, which, like… yeah, okay. He could’ve heard something, but something doesn’t mean sex. People must masturbate here. What else is there to do? Could it not have been so simple in his mind’s eye? 

No, you don’t think that Seonghwa would jump to the fantastical conclusion that you’re sleeping with San. Nor do you think that he would be so jealous as to risk putting Hongjoong’s ire on San. While he doesn’t seem to be the biggest fan of the guy, you didn’t get the vibe that he wants him dead or anything. So… yeah. The pieces aren’t adding up. 

Might as well lean into it a bit, if there’s no convincing Hongjoong otherwise. “What would happen if I told you that San and I were together?” 

Hongjoong’s smile goes tense, as if he wasn’t expecting you to ask such a thing. For the first time, the thought that he could be bluffing crosses your mind… maybe a moment too late. Hongjoong pauses, looking between you and the books on his coffee table. 

“I,” He stops, tilting his head to the side as he keeps his eyes off of you, “honestly hadn’t truly considered it a possibility. Surely he cares for you, that’s to be expected, but…” 

So he was just trying to taunt you, then. Part of you feels like you’ve triumphed by managing to take him off guard with something, but that something is… not something that he should actually think is true. 

“Well, like I’ve been saying, Hongjoong, nothing has happened between us.” 

He looks back up at you and you’re shocked to see his eyes shining wet in the light, “No?” 

Your heart speeds up at the sight, reminded of the previous times that you’ve seen Hongjoong vulnerable. You don’t trust your voice to not shake, so you simply shake your head in agreement. 

“You know that I don’t want to hurt San, right?” He asks, frowning, “But there has to be punishments for breaking the rules. I’m only trying to keep peace.” 

You have no idea how Hongjoong feels about San. All you know is that this is making you extremely uncomfortable. Seeing Hongjoong cry is just, just so, ugh! You can’t control the way your heart squeezes in your chest, nor the guilt that broils in your stomach for being the cause of his distress. But… this is Hongjoong! He doesn’t deserve your empathy, but… 

“I know, Hongjoong,” you whisper, moreso trying to get him to stop rather than actually express the sentiment. 

He wipes his eyes, then, clearing his throat, “I suppose I can trust you, for now.” His gaze gets harder with each passing millisecond. “But I’m sure you can guess what will happen if I find out that you’re lying to me.” 

You can definitely put the pieces together yourself. So you nod your head in agreement, hoping that he believes you in this case. 

Hongjoong clears his throat again, fanning his face a couple times, “Was there anything else, then?” 

“Oh, uhm,” in truth, there was a lot more that you wanted to ask him about. He never answered your question about his clothes, you want to know more about this girl that came before you, and more about what the fuck The Answer says about you. But it feels strange to ask about any of that, after… yeah. Whatever that just was. 

… But you don’t actually care that much. So you decide to jump into the topic that he’ll probably like discussing with you the most. 

“I had some questions about the Answer, actually…” 

Hongjoong raises his eyebrows, a smile growing across his face, “Have you finally read ahead?” 

Well… yes and no, but you’re not going to tell him that Wooyoung told you the gist of it, “Maybe a little bit.” 

He claps once, genuine glee showing through his expression. He even giggles, and not in the creepy way that he sometimes does. “This is wonderful, (Y/n)!” 

You give him an awkward smile, waiting for him to stop acting like a kid in a candy store. 

“So? You have questions?” He leads, “I might have answers.” 

Might. Isn’t that just the greatest word in existence. He definitely has all of the answers, considering all of this shit came from his own head; but he can pick and choose what he wants to withhold from you at any time. Because that’s Hongjoong. Always leaving an escape for himself. 

“Well, I’m just curious about a few things…” You start, trying to figure out how to word your questions so that they’re as… inconspicuous as possible. “First, do you know how I’m supposed to… uhm, ‘bring about the Sign?’” 

Hongjoong’s smile somehow grows even wider when you finish your question, “I’m proud of you, (Y/n). This is a huge step in your journey.” 

You don’t like that. Nope. Not the way he just said ‘journey.’ 

But Hongjoong tilts his head to the side, letting his smile go, “But I’m not sure I can answer your question. I’ve yet to have the concrete vision.” He shrugs, “I honestly think that the vision will come to you rather than me.” 

Oh Jesus Christ. Hongjoong has said some crazy bullshit to you before, but that is an entire new level. If he genuinely thinks that you’re going to believe that you are going to start having prophetic dreams because you’re supposedly some major figure in this goddamned cult lore, he has an entirely new thing coming for him. 

But you doubt that he thinks you’ll believe him. You haven’t before, why would you now? 

Your skepticism must show on your face, because Hongjoong continues. “It’s nothing to be afraid of. We’re linked, somehow, in the grand scheme of things, (Y/n). It’s you that was foretold.” 

You blink, trying to not start screaming. Before you can really think too hard about it, you’re asking your next question. 

“But how do you know that it’s me, Hongjoong? There was a girl before me, wasn’t there?” 

The silence that follows is nearly as scary as Hongjoong’s reaction to your question.

His smile drops faster than you’ve ever seen. 

“San told you this?” Hongjoong asks, his tone hard. 

“Who told me isn’t important, I just want to talk about he—”

“It really is. Like I said, we have rules for a reason,” he tilts his head, folding his hands in his lap. “If you don’t tell me who it was, I will assume that it was San and he’ll be punished severely.” 

Well fuck. There’s not really a way to say that it was someone else without incriminating (a) San, for leaving you with someone else, (b) yourself, and (c) Wooyoung. But you can’t very well say that it was San, given the earlier subject matter.

But you really don’t want to throw Wooyoung under the bus, either, considering all that he just confided in you. He’s been long tortured by this man already, and he already part-way resents you for it. If you told him… 

There’s really only one other option.

“Seonghwa told me.” The words come out before you can really think about them. Seonghwa should be a good choice. He might hate your guts, but at least he has something of a soft (hard?) spot for you. If he gets in trouble, it should be okay. And, anyways, its not like Hongjoong would do anything to really punish Seonghwa, right? Surely not with whatever arrangement they have going on. Plus, fuck that guy for apparently ratting you out to Hongjoong. He lied to Hongjoong about you, you’ll lie to Hongjoong about him. Easy. 

Hongjoong raises his eyebrows. “Seonghwa,” he doesn’t ask, simply restating his name. “Seonghwa told you.” 

You shrug, “Is it so hard to believe?” 

His face crinkles with confusion, “Yes, it is. See, Seonghwa is probably the last person I would expect you to hear that from, considering his loyalty to me and the disgust he felt over that entire situation.” He ponders for a second, “No, Seonghwa would be the second to last person; but the point still stands.” 

‘Considering his loyalty’ to Hongjoong and his ‘disgust’ over that entire situation… Interesting details. Obviously, you know that Seonghwa is loyal to Hongjoong and wouldn’t ordinarily give you information that Hongjoong clearly doesn’t want you to know about. But his disgust? What does that mean? 

Anyhow, you figure that, if you’re already throwing Seonghwa under the bus, it couldn’t hurt to make it just a little bit worse, right?

“I thought you would know the kind of pillow talk Seonghwa engages in.” 

Hongjoong takes the longest blink you’ve ever seen, his eyes going wide as he stares at you. “Excuse me?” 

You shrug your shoulders, trying your best to keep this facade up. Seonghwa is going to be so fucking pissed. And so is Hongjoong. But this has to be better than Wooyoung or San getting punished, right? You can deal with some anger. They’d probably fare much worse. 

“I’m sorry, just, can you repeat yourself? It sounds like you’re telling me that you and Seonghwa…” he trails off, flapping his hands in front of himself as if he can’t even bring himself to speak the words. “I thought I made myself quite clear about my feelings on this matter.”

For once, you wish that you could just appreciate a moment where you’re able to be the one throwing Hongjoong off of his guard. But, no, you have to keep spinning your bullshit, because, of course, only a lie can leave him so astounded. 

“That’s really not what’s important here, Hongjoong, pleas—”

“Should I get Seonghwa? Do we need to have this conversation right now?” 

He goes to stand and you’re immediately holding your hands out to him, ushering him to sit back down, “no, no, no. Hongjoong, this is not what is important right now.” 

He looks at you like you’re insane, “Yes it is. You don’t need to know anything about Haneul.” 

Haneul. 

What a coincidence, no? 

“Hongjoong, please, just, can we talk abou—”

He tries to stand again, but you do the unthinkable. You touch him first, grabbing onto his arm to pull him back to his chair. “There’s nothing to know about her. She was fake, she wasn’t real. You shouldn’t worry yourself about her. She was inconsequential, unworthy of taking up any space in your pretty little head.” 

The way he speaks about her makes your stomach roll over. What in the fuck? She’s dead, and he’s talking about her like this? You shouldn’t be surprised, but it still makes you sick.

“But, Hongjoong, don’t you think it would help me understand my purpose, if you can explain why she couldn’t?” 

The panicked look on his face evaporates as if he’s suddenly remembered something important. He looks into your eyes, a small smile starting to tug across his face, “you really want to know?” 

The way he asks almost makes you want to take it back, to disagree with him. You just know that whatever it is that he just thought of is something that he’s going to use to scare you with, and the prospect isn’t too thrilling. But… any information is good information, right? 

“I do, Hongjoong.” 

He looks down at his hands, then, squeezing them together in his lap. You still have your hand on his arm, despite the level of uncomfort you’re experiencing, hoping that your touch is grounding him somehow.

When he looks back up, his smile is wider, his eyes more crazed, “there were a few reasons that Haneul couldn’t be the bearer. The first reason being her relationship with Jongho.”

What? Jongho? Is this why he has it out for you? Because Hongjoong replaced his girlfriend with you? Like, shit, he has every right to be pissed, but to be pissed with you is a bit… misplaced. 

“The second reason being her attitude. As you read, the bearer of the Answer is to be hesitant and abrasive. She should deny her role before fully becoming it. Little Haneul was obedient from the moment she arrived.” 

… You can’t fact check that one just yet, but yeah, sure, whatever. Hongjoong’s fucking insane. Any reason of his that comes from The Answer is not a legitimate reason for anything. 

“And then, of course, I decided that I liked you more.” 

You can’t stand it anymore. You let go of him, putting more distance between your bodies than you even do normally. Literally, genuinely, absolutely, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? What the fuck does he mean? How could he have possibly killed someone for you before even knowing you? 

So you blink at him and ask, “how the fuck did you decide that before meeting me?” 

“I don’t know why you keep insisting that we never met before you came here, (Y/n). Am I so memorable that you think you would remember even a fleeting interaction?” 

“Yes.” 

“I’m honored,” Hongjoong flashes a teasing smile, though there’s an impatience growing in his tone, “But I’ve known you far longer than you realize.” 

The way he says this sends an actual chill down your spine, making you feel more vulnerable than just moments prior. “Can you at least tell me where we supposedly met? Or how long you’ve known me?” 

“Are you sure it won’t scare you?” Hongjoong smirks, “I think it would. All you need to know, (Y/n), is that I am positive that you are the one. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, it is you.” 

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。. 

After that, Hongjoong had decided enough was enough and made you start your lesson. In your opinion, that whole conversation about The Answer should’ve been enough to cover your lesson, but that’s just not how your life goes. 

But, for being such a good listener today, Hongjoong had given you a reward. The privilege of walking back to your apartment, unaccompanied. How lovely.

Of course, it would’ve been smartest to just go back to your apartment. You, in fact, definitely should’ve just done that. 

But you have more questions. And, really, how likely is it that he’s going to find out that you made a little detour? He didn’t say go straight back or anything.

So you find yourself outside, approaching the big barns. It’s strange to be alone. But not in a bad way. You peer down the road as you pass it, staring down its infinite stretch of gravel and corn. Surely the harvest is coming. Surely. 

You hadn’t brought a coat with you, but, thankfully, its rather nice outside. A bit chilly, in your long sleeve, but not unbearable. If anything, the chill makes you feel more grounded.

Maybe it’s a bad idea to try and talk to Jongho. No, scratch that, it’s definitely a bad idea to try and talk to Jongho. You’re full of them today. But, if there’s even the slightest chance that he can give you more information… you’re going to take it. 

You’re finding that you have almost an insatiable curiosity growing within you with each passing day. Maybe it’s a coping mechanism. Maybe you’re losing it. Whatever it is, you simply have to know. Everything. 

Plus, you’re a bit incensed that your plan to help Haseul escape failed so completely and utterly. You had been in such a good mood this morning, despite the tension you had been feeling. Now, you’re just angry. You hadn’t even been this angry when you, yourself, had failed to escape. This failure feels like a reflection of your efforts, and that pisses you off. Had you made a mistake, asking for San’s help? Is it possible that he… sabotaged the escape so as to save his own ass? Could you really blame him if he did? It was unfair, asking him what you did. But it was your only option at the time, and you know that. 

Either way, you’re just upset that you failed. Haseul is still here, locked up in a room somewhere and you’re not even allowed to see her. She’s probably scared out of her mind, confused and angry. She must have been lured here using you, right? Someone used your phone to get her here. San claims that it wasn’t him… but who else would it have been? Any of the elites probably could have, but… who? Not Wooyoung, not after what he told you. Seonghwa? Maybe, but could he mimic you well enough to convince Haseul? That’s really the question, you realize. Who knows you well enough that they could’ve gotten your best friend to believe they were you? 

There’s really only one option, and he had insisted that it wasn’t him. 

God, this is pissing you off even more. You don’t want to believe that it was San. Like he’s said, you don’t want to think that he would willingly hurt you, especially not now, with how close you are. It would be… very unsettling, to say the least. 

But, still, how had the escape failed? Who tipped Hongjoong off? Who was it that caught up to her? Had she ever even left in the first place? Was she hurt in the capture? Hongjoong had said that she was safe and sound… but, knowing that guy, that could mean any number of things. 

It really makes you wonder. Who was in on it? Was it just a random follower that saw her and reported it? Was it an elaborate plan that ended just how Hongjoong wanted it to? Clearly, Hongjoong must have been expecting you to try something. Maybe you had played right into his plan, maybe it was a setup from the get go. 

If it was, though, why the hell hadn’t you considered it? It pisses you off, truly, the hindsight. You were stupid, trying something so fast. It was stupid to involve San, and stupid to think that you would actually be able to pull off an escape. Fuck.

You emerge from your thoughts as you approach the barn, sticking your head in through the open door. “Jongho?” You call out, wondering if he would even respond to you if he heard you. You’d wager not, but you step further inside, anyhow. 

Peering around the corner, you’re not surprised to see him heaving… something into the pig troughs. Looks like food scraps, kind of. He turns at the sound of your voice, a rather disrespectful look of disgust landing on his face once he realizes that it’s you he’s talking to. 

“What.” It’s not a question, rather a statement. He doesn’t stop his work, grabbing another bucket to tip into the feeder. “Where’s your babysitter?” 

Ignoring the actual question, you walk deeper inside, stopping when you’re a few feet from Jongho. The pigs squeak happily as he dumps the new bucket, nudging each other aside in an attempt to be the first to eat. You take a closer look at the trough, the slop making your stomach roll despite how pleased the pigs seem. 

Pulling your eyes away from the scene, you start, “Can we talk?” 

Jongho turns away from you, and for a second you’re sure that he’s going to up and leave. But, no, he simply grabs the last bucket that had been in the row, tipping it into a different trough in the pen. “About what?” 

“Uhm,” is there a delicate enough way to put this? Are you supposed to be like, hey, sorry about your dead girlfriend? You probably should’ve put a little more thought into this before immediately storming off to talk to him, but, ugh! This is Hongjoong’s fault. Everything always is. 

Jongho claps his hands together, dirt flying off of his gloves and into the air. He tugs them off, deliberately pulling at each finger before taking them all the way off, shoving them into a back pocket of his dirtied cargo pants. He sighs, folding his arms over his chest, “You’re wasting my time.” 

Swallowing, you squeeze your hands in front of you, trying to keep yourself steady, “About, uhm, ah,” you clear your throat, but her name still comes out rather meekly, “Haneul?”

He blinks. Once. Twice. And then he’s on you.

He’s able to close the distance you had left between you in seconds, his hands clamping onto your upper arms so hard that you yelp. He doesn’t seem to notice, shaking you as more emotion crosses his face in these few seconds than you’ve seen him display the entire time you’ve known him. 

“Listen very carefully, (Y/n),” he tugs you closer, his hands squeezing tighter, “I’m only going to say this once. If I ever hear her name leave your lips again, I’ll kill you. It’ll be so fast that you won’t even realize you’re dead until you’re squalling as you emerge into your next life. Do you understand?” Jongho’s voice rattles with so much emotion that you have no choice but to believe his threat, nodding your head quickly in response. 

His grip loosens, but he doesn’t fully let you go, “Whatever you wanted to say, keep it to yourself. Don’t think about her, don’t ask other people about her, go back to pretending as if she never existed.” 

“I was just going to—”

“To? To what?”

“To apologize.” You glare up at him, cutting him off before he can start bitching again, “For what happened. Hongjoong is insane. And I’m sorry that someone you cared about was hurt because of him.” 

Jongho scoffs, staring down at you like you just said the most loathsome sentence he’s ever heard (really, he’s just thinking about last night) (how badly he wants to tell you your friend is dead, her body rotting two feet away from where you stand) (how she cried out for you, screamed your name when he grabbed her, capturing her last breath) (how, in his eyes, you deserve a worse punishment than that). 

“I don’t want your pity,” he whispers, his voice still hard, “Get out of here before I tell Hongjoong you’re running around by yourself.” 

He pushes you away from him, sending you stumbling backwards. Your arms pulsate where he had been squeezing you, your arteries working to compensate for the restriction they had been under. 

So much for mending that relationship. Or getting any answers. You probably should’ve anticipated the hostility, but… you are a bit of an optimist. Most of the time. 

You spare one more glance toward the pigs, watching as they continue to devour the scraps. The noises they make alone are enough to make your stomach churn once more, this time with nausea rather than anger or guilt. 

Jongho waits for you to get back to the doors before taking his eyes off of you, needing to know that you’re out of his space before he can relax again. 

Only, right as you step out of the threshold of the barn, you run into a tall frame that you really had not been expecting. 

You look up, already knowing that it will be Mingi’s face staring down at you. 

He doesn’t give you the chance to slip away, latching a hand onto your wrist to pull you back into the barn you had just left. You’re once again stumbling as he leads you back inside, immediately turning a corner into a more secluded part of the barn. 

“What is happening between you and San?”

Oh. So that’s where this is going. For a second there, you had the tiniest scrap of hope that you would be able to have a genuine conversation with him. That, maybe, he would want to apologize to you for, you don’t know, ignoring you for weeks after basically blaming you for not being a mind reader. 

You might be less annoyed if you hadn’t just had this exact conversation with Hongjoong. But to be reminded of the topic so soon has your blood running hot, anger flaring in your chest once more. To defend yourself from Hongjoong is one thing, but Mingi. 

You’ll never get used to it. 

“Really? That’s the first thing you have to say to me after, what, weeks of not speaking?” You scoff, trying to tug your wrist out of his hold to no avail. 

Mingi rolls his eyes. “Just answer the question.” 

“What’s going on between you and Hongjoong?” You ask, looking up at him and hoping you don’t look as small as you feel. “I thought you were scared of him, and now what? You’re doing his dirty work? Detaining our friend?” 

“Haseul is gone. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Mingi blinks, his jaw set hard. “Hongjoong is my leader, my guide. He’s my friend, (Y/n). What are you and San? Friends?” He spits this final word, leaning down toward your face.

Had you not been so angry, you might’ve caught the first part. But you want to actually spit on him. How could he think that this is an okay way to talk to you? “I’m not answering that question, Mingi. You don’t get to, to question my relationships with people!” 

Mingi smiles a horrible smile. One that you have never seen. It’s almost a sneer. “You were my friend before his, you remember?”

You yank on your hand again, finally succeeding in getting it free of his grasp. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” You stumble backwards, tripping over some loose hay on the floor. “Mingi, please, this isn’t—”

“There’s nothing wrong with me.” Mingi steps toward you. “If anything, there’s something wrong with you, (Y/n).” 

You shake your head, continuing to back away from him. You’ve never seen Mingi like this. You’ve never known him to act like this. This simply isn’t him. It doesn’t make any sense, you have no idea where this is coming from or why he decided now was the time to reignite the feud between you two. 

“You used to tell me all of your guy problems, remember?” He pouts, reaching a hand out to you. “It can be like old times, (Y/n). Just tell me the truth.” His voice has gone noticeably softer, his tone less serious. You don’t know if he’s manipulating you or not. 

Your back finally hits a wall, the uninsulated metal of the barn freezing cold on your skin. It seeps through your shirt, chilling you to the bone. “Mingi, please listen to me,” you put a hand out, trying to get him to stop advancing on you. “You’re scaring me. You are scaring the shit out of me. Back off, now.” 

Mingi chuckles, stopping in place. He holds his hands up in front of himself, showing off his stop. “I’m sorry, sorry,” he huffs, crossing his arms over his chest. “But… Do you think I would hurt you? Really?” 

You want the answer to be no. Desperately. This is fucking Mingi that you’re talking about. You don’t get a chance to respond. 

“Whatever,” he rolls his eyes, “you clearly don’t give a shit about us anymore, anyways. Otherwise, you’d just fucking tell me the truth.” 

You stay pressed flat against the wall behind you, shaking your head at him. How did this happen? How could this happen? Your best friend, the person you came here for, is accusing you of not caring about him, not caring about your relationship. How blind could he be? 

It’s not Mingi talking, you know that. It’s fucking Hongjoong. Hongjoong feeding him bullshit in an attempt to get him to turn on you. And, lucky for him, its working. Perfectly. Your words can’t stand on their own against Hongjoong’s anymore. And he knows that. 

“Do you really want to know, Mingi?” Your voice cracks when you say his name, tears springing into your eyes, “What would it accomplish? Please, tell me why you want to know, and I’ll tell you the truth.” 

He hesitates at that, looking up toward the ceiling of the barn.

“Exactly. You don’t want to know,” you shake your head at him, watching as he kicks at some loose hay by his feet. “Can’t you see what’s happening here?”

Mingi looks back down, frowning. 

“He’s doing this on purpose, Mingi. Hongjoong wants us to hate each other. He wants to take away any semblance of support that we have. He’s trying to tear us apart, and you’re letting him!”

He squints as if he’s confused, looking down at his feet, then. He kicks around some loose hay, not responding. You take the moment to gather yourself, trying to calm your heart. Mingi has never acted so hostile toward you before, you can hardly even believe that this is the same man. 

“I just,” he starts, not looking toward you, “I don’t see why he would do that.” 

You close your eyes, trying to not scream. Has Mingi always been so naive?

No, he hasn’t. This is Hongjoong at work. Gaslighting him into questioning every action taken toward him. Making him confused and hurting him and turning him against you. It honestly makes you want to scream in frustration, the mind games that Hongjoong plays with people.

How could he do this? To innocent people? Play with their minds, turn them into dependent mush? It’s clear that Hongjoong is a monster, a psychopath, someone that gets off on the way that he can manipulate and control people. But seeing it so clearly… in someone you once considered your best friend… 

It makes you hate him more, a thousand times so. You would kill him if you could. 

If— no, when— you get Mingi out of here, will he ever be the same? Will he ever go back to being the Mingi that you once knew? Or will Hongjoong be with him for the rest of his life, manipulating and twisting his thoughts into everything that they’re not? 

Could any amount of therapy turn back time? Any amount of counseling? Medication? 

The sinking feeling in your chest tells you that, no, things will never be the same. 

For the rest of his life, Mingi will have a piece of Hongjoong embedded into his personality. And you’ll have to live with that fact.

When you get out of here, when Hongjoong is in prison or dead or whatever, when he’s out of your life… he won’t be. 

Is that fair? Abusers stick with their victims for their entire lives, but the opposite is rarely ever true. Would Hongjoong spare Mingi a second thought in thirty years, when he’s rotting in a jail cell? You doubt it. But Mingi… there won’t be a day of his life where he doesn’t think about what happened here. About what he suffered. 

“Did I,” he looks up at you after the prolonged silence, “did I really scare you?”

You blink at him, not wanting to tell him the truth.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, (Y/n).” His voice cracks when he says your name, turning away from you. “Everything is my fault. All of it. You’re here, and now Haseul, and, and,” with each word, his voice gets heavier with emotion. You don’t have to see his face to know that he’s crying. “It’s my fault. I’m sorry. For bringing you here, for yelling, for being mad, for scaring you, for everything.” 

You push yourself off of the wall, taking a couple steps to reach out to him. You grab his bicep, gently pulling him to face you. You’re not very successful, only managing to turn him a few centimeters. He still doesn’t look at you.

“You know that I don’t blame you for any of this, Mingi,” the complete opposite is true, in fact. “None of it is your fault.” 

“But it—” Mingi freezes in the middle of his sentence, and you have to peer around him to figure out why. 

San clears his throat when you meet his gaze, awkwardly averting his eyes to the ground. 

Mingi turns back toward you, then, aggressively wiping his cheeks with his palm, as if ashamed for San to see him so. 

“(Y/n), I’ve,” San looks up, biting his lip, “been looking for you everywhere.” 

You don’t know what to say, so you don’t say anything. You probably shouldn’t have run off without permission, but you had to take the chance. Still, there is a bit of guilt swimming in you for apparently making San worry. You hadn’t considered…

Mingi’s tears have dried up by the time he turns back toward the other man, “Leave.” 

Your eyes widen with this command, squeezing Mingi’s arm a bit in response. He can’t just… tell San to leave, can he? 

San looks as taken aback as you feel, confusion evident on his face, “Excuse me?” 

“I think you heard me the first time.” 

“Mingi, pleas—”

San cuts you off, “No, no, let him speak.” He holds his hand up to silence you, something that you would never have ever expected him to do to you, “Do you have something you need to say to me, Mingi?” 

“No, he doesn’t. Right, Mingi?” You answer for him, squeezing his arm again in an attempt to keep him grounded. Whatever the fuck San thinks he’s doing right now, you’re not appreciating it. Especially not when Mingi just about yelled at you because of San. There are definitely some choice words that these two could share, but you don’t want to be privy to them. 

Mingi ignores you, a tense smile on his face, “I have a lot of things I could say to you, San. Do you want to start with the way that you’re manipulating (Y/n), or your involvement in what happened yesterday?” 

Now, before this moment, you wouldn’t have said that San is a person inclined to violence. But within seconds he’s ripping Mingi out of your grasp via the front of his shirt, tugging him toward him until their chests are almost touching. “I’m doing no such thing,” the words come out in more of a snarl than anything else, “and I have no idea what you mean by ‘my involvement,’ but I’ll go ahead and tell you to shut your mouth about it, anyways.”

“San!” Your hands are back on both of them before he even finishes his sentence, one on each man. “What the fuck is wro—”

Mingi smirks down at San, once again completely ignoring you, even cutting you off. “Is that so? Why is she so quick to defend your relationship? Why is she keeping secrets from me? How could she possibly like you when you’re the one that lured her here?”

San’s eye literally twitches. “I know you’re in love with her, but this is just pathetic. Aren’t you embarrassed? To be the outsider, here? To know that she never fell for you, but for me despite the mistakes that I’ve made? Despite the ways I’ve wronged her? Does that just crush you? So much so that you have to make up blind accusations against me in an attempt to turn her away?” 

Mingi shakes his arm out of your grasp in the next second, using both of his hands to shove San away from him. San actually falls, landing on his ass in front of Mingi. 

You gasp as Mingi starts yelling, “You don’t know anything about our relationship! Anything that you do know you found out from stalking us! I couldn’t give two shits about her being into you, I care about you hurting her and acting innocent about it!” 

San frowns, and you’re surprised to see his lip quivering. He turns his attention to you, “You know that’s not true, (Y/n). You know that I care about you, that I’d never hurt you.” 

Mingi scoffs, smiling up toward the ceiling of the barn. “You say that you’re not manipulating her, but what’s this? Some crocodile tears and you think she’ll fawn right over you?” He looks down at you, still standing shocked by his side. “You’re not falling for this, are you?”

You look back and forth between San on the ground and Mingi beside you. In all honesty, you’re pissed at both of them equally. This fucking behavior is just childish; the last thing that you need is two people that you care about making you choose sides. 

“(Y/n)?” San’s voice breaks from the floor when you stay quiet. 

“I am not taking sides right now,” you whisper, glaring between the two of them. “You’re both being brats. Have either of you considered that I might value both of you? Or that I am an adult who can make her own decisions?” 

They stay silent, San finally picking himself up off of the ground. 

“You’re both pissing me off equally. I’d appreciate it if you could find it in yourselves to grow up and stop fighting over someone that doesn’t need or want to be fought over.” 

They at least have the decency to look a little ashamed of themselves, both of them looking anywhere but at you or each other. 

“Mingi,” he turns when you say his name, looking hopeful despite what you just said, “I would be happy to hear your genuine concerns about my wellbeing; however, I don’t want the hostility that you’ve shown me today. When you’re calmer, we can talk.” 

Mingi nods his head, “I’m sorry, again.” 

You reach out to touch his arm again, providing what you hope is enough comfort. Even though you’re pissed, Mingi was still in the middle of being vulnerable with you. You’re sorry that you weren’t able to finish that conversation with him. 

Dropping your hand, you take a couple steps to be closer to San, though you fold your arms over your chest as you tip your head toward the entrance of the barn, “Let’s go.” 

You don’t wait for him, opting to just start walking. He catches up quickly enough, though keeping a good two steps behind you. 

There is literally nothing that you can think to say to him. Your thoughts run wild with what just happened.

First, Mingi acting like that toward you? What the fuck was that? Did Hongjoong put him up to it, like you suggested he might’ve? Mingi had never treated you like that before, never… scared you like that before. There’s no way that was… all him. You refuse to believe it.

Having him stand up for you… that’s a whole separate thing. Obviously, Mingi has used his size to intimidate freaks that were bothering you before. He’s stood up for you more times than you can count, letting you use him as a defense mechanism for your entire friendship. He had put his hands on people for you before… but those were complete strangers. Seeing him get physical with San is a different story, not something that you would’ve expected from him. Even if he does genuinely believe that San is manipulating you or whatever, you would’ve thought that he would’ve at least stayed civil, considering your relationship. 

So it’s a surprise that he responded in turn when San engaged. Which in and of itself was shocking to you. 

San is not someone that you would ever peg for physical violence. So seeing him get on Mingi like that… it honestly does freak you out a bit. If San could hide his capacity for that from you, what else could he be capable of without you knowing?

Clearly, he’s an important member of the cult. He’s important to Hongjoong (arguably, considering he apparently wants him dead) and has a rather… disturbing position. San is clearly able to do a lot of things you would consider morally reprehensible with ease… as little as you enjoy that. 

But, seriously, physical violence? That’s so different from what you’ve seen from him in the past.

And, thinking back to what was said… what did Mingi mean about San’s involvement yesterday? He can’t blame San for helping you, can he? For helping Haseul? That’s a good thing that San did, even, if, ultimately, it failed. Haseul may still be locked up in a room, but that’s better than her being dead. It’s better than knowing that you did nothing to try and save her. Mingi must see that, too, right? Unless he genuinely thinks that it is a good thing for another one of your friends to be locked up here, which, you suppose, is a possibility. 

And, Christ, the way San was speaking to Mingi? You’ve never heard such, such awful things from him. There was malice in everything that he said, like he knew just the right things to say to push Mingi’s buttons. Using his feelings for you was low, and calling him pathetic… God, it’s just so weird to hear your San say things like that. Everyone has a mean side to them, a defensive one, but seeing San’s is just so shocking. 

He’s so vulnerable with you, so gentle and so kind. To know that he has the exact opposite persona lurking inside of him as well… 

It’s not exactly comforting.

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。. 

When you reach your apartment, you move to head toward the bedroom right away, but San catches you before you can get far, his hand gently grabbing your wrist. “Can I apologize? Or, or explain? Please?” 

You pause, letting him keep his hand on you. As petty as you feel, and as much as you’d like to just ignore him until he learns his lesson… that’s not how adults do things. Especially not adults that live together. 

Sighing, you turn back towards him, nodding slowly.

He also sighs, though in relief, gently guiding you toward the couch. You both sit down, and San takes his hand away from you rather than keeping a hold. 

You wait for him to start, given that he’s the one that wants to explain. 

It takes a few minutes, but he finally does. “I shouldn’t have gotten so angry, that’s what this boils down to.” 

You blink, waiting for more.

“There isn’t an excuse for, for what I did. I shouldn’t have touched him, but, (Y/n), the way he was speaking to you? Talking about us? Accusing me of terrible, horrible things? I couldn’t just take that. I can forget my own pride, but I couldn’t let him hurt you.”

Yeah, you’re sure that pride has absolutely nothing to do with this. 

“Say something, please?” His eyes sparkle, and you can’t believe that he’s about to be the third man to cry in front of you today. 

You would, but you honestly have no idea what to say. What is there to say when your cult-sponsored fake-boyfriend gets into a physical fight with your lost best friend who also happens to be in love with you? Like, that’s not really something that happens very often. 

“I guess I can understand where you’re coming from,” is what you settle on, crossing your arms over your chest as you lean back into the couch, “but I still think you acted completely inappropriately, San. When someone is accusing you of being a bad person, its pretty bold to go ahead and prove them right while trying to prove them wrong.” 

San looks down at his hands, his voice cracking, “you think I’m a bad person?” 

Deep breaths, (Y/n). Deep breaths. 

“That’s not what I meant, San.” 

He starts shaking, and oh, God, you’ve done it now. You do feel bad as he starts whimpering, his hands coming up to shield his face from you. 

“But I am, (Y/n), I am a bad person,” he sobs, “Mingi was right, you’re right, you shouldn’t like me. I’m the reason you’re here, and I’m the reason you’re going through all of this, and I did stalk you guys, and last night and, and—”

Your heart does, perhaps, shatter a little bit upon hearing this. You had wanted to stay strong (angry), but how can you do that when San is weeping in front of you like this? 

Reaching out to him, you wrap an arm around his shoulders to pull him into you. He rests his face in the crook of your neck, quickly folding his arms around you and squeezing you tight to him. 

“San, I’m not angry with you for what you did before you met me, you have to know that.” You curl a hand into his hair, playing with the longer strands at the back of his neck. “And what happened last night— it really isn’t your fault.”

“You really don’t blame me? For any of it?” He whines, and you can envision the pout on his face without needing to see it. "You're too good to me, I don’t deserve your kindness.” 

He might have you with that one, honestly. But you're not going to agree with him, not when he's like this. Maybe if you were a little bit more pissed off. 

Instead, you try to keep comforting him, "I'm the one that doesn't deserve you, San. The things you've done for me since we've gotten to know each other… I can never thank you enough." He sighs as you continue running your fingers through his hair. "Even if you've done wrong, that doesn't make you a bad person. Everyone makes mistakes; it's what we do in the present that matters." 

A few minutes go by in silence, but you don't mind. San calms himself down, though you're sure that you're helping, too. He doesn't move from his spot in your arms, though, keeping his own firmly around you as well. 

"I should apologize to Mingi, shouldn't I?"

You chuckle, thinking it over. "Probably. But not when I'm there.” 

“Probably not,” he mumbles into your neck, pressing a kiss where his lips happen to land. 

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。. 

San is positively delighted that you suggested he apologize to Mingi without you present. 

A conversation between the two of them is long overdue, and he doesn’t need you to know everything that he has to say to Mingi. 

So, he takes his opportunity during dinner, leaving you with Seonghwa (no matter how wide your eyes get or how betrayed you look) to go off and find Mingi. 

He’s still opting to take his meals in his room, which San finds very convenient. It’s possible that Yunho will be there when he arrives, which would make things a little bit more complicated, but he’s still resolved to have this conversation. 

San knocks on Mingi’s door, and, when he opens it, his shock is evident on his face, “can I help you?” 

San nods, peeking past him into his room, “are you alone? Can I keep you company?” 

Mingi blinks down at him, scoffing. “Do you think I’m stupid?” 

He shrugs, “a bit.” San shoves past Mingi to get into his room, not even flinching when Mingi slams the door shut behind himself. “Do me a favor and tell (Y/n) I apologized to you.”

Mingi crosses his arms over his chest, “why the hell would I lie for you?” 

“I’m sorry.” San smiles, “there, not a lie.” 

“San, just tell me why you’re really here so that I can go back to eating my soup in peace.” Mingi points at the still steaming bowl of soup sitting on his desk. Ugh, San is so glad that he doesn’t live in one of these tiny rooms anymore. He’d go crazy. 

San clenches his jaw, giving Mingi a once over. He hadn’t planned exactly what he was going to say, which probably would’ve made this a lot easier. But maybe it’ll be more fun like this. 

“I just want to make sure that you’re not going to keep trying to give (Y/n) the wrong idea about me.”

Mingi scoffs, “if anything, I’m giving her the right idea about you. You really are a manipulative bastard, you know that, right?” 

He shrugs his shoulders in response, “you’re free to think that way. But it’s not the truth. I genuinely care about her, you know.” 

Mingi rolls his eyes, a single laugh leaving him, “well I feel the same way. And I’m not going to let you hurt her.” 

“Why would I want to hurt her, Mingi? What could I possibly gain from that?” 

“I don’t know what game you’re playing, San.” Mingi uncrosses his arms, clenching his fists at his sides, “but I don’t want you dragging her into it.” 

San laughs, gesturing around Mingi’s room, “she’s already in it! You made sure of that, might I remind you?” 

Mingi looks perplexed, “excuse me? You are the one that brought her here, not me.” 

“You don’t feel bad? That she came looking for you?” 

“As if Hongjoong wouldn’t have found a way for you to get her, anyways.” Mingi frowns, “I’m not stupid. I know that she was the one he was after when he Chose me, that I was the bait for her. She was always going to end up here.” 

San tilts his head, “wow, maybe you are smarter than you look.”

Before Mingi can get another word in, though, San is starting again. “Since you’re so smart, Mingi, I should only have to say this once. Leave (Y/n) alone, especially when it comes to the matter of my relationship with her. Truly, it’s none of your business, and it makes her upset to have to choose between the two of us.” 

Mingi stares blankly back at San.

“And another thing, about Haseul— you should know to not bring that situation up in front of her. I’ll let it go this time, but if I hear about it again, I’ll report it to Hongjoong.” 

He scoffs, “scared that she’ll find out what you did?” 

“I didn’t do anything to Haseul,” San shrugs again, “you’re the one that handed her over to me, anyways. Don’t you think that you’re in the same position as me?” 

“I wouldn’t have given her to you if Hongjoong hadn’t told me to,”

“And I wouldn’t have taken her if he hadn’t told me the same.” San smiles sarcastically, “it seems we’re in agreement, then.” 

Mingi would beg to differ, but he’s really not in the mood for another argument. And his soup is getting cold. “I won’t mention Haseul to her again, and I’ll try to believe that you genuinely care for her. But I won’t trust you implicitly. And, if she ever comes to me, crying because of you, I will kill you.” 

San sticks his hand out, “promise?” 

Mingi takes it, shaking his hand, “promise.” 

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