Phantom Angst Thoughts

Phantom angst thoughts </3

But also with pack comfort because I didn't know how else to end it.

TW: Anxiety attack (?), self esteem issues, over thinking, hyperventilating, non-purposeful SH (scratching, throat grabbing, hitting, and hair pulling), one tiny mention of bleeding, crying

Phantom's self esteem reaches lower than the Pacific.

He's sensitive. He hates it, he does, but he is. And it's his weakness. He gets anxious about what other people think when he makes any small mistake. He feels such an overwhelming amount of shame for any small thing someone gets onto him for.

He brushes it off like he's fine, but he's different after it. His smile is forced, his tail goes still, his ears flick back, and his beautiful obsidian purple eyes get all dull.

He isolates himself in his bedroom, pretending to practice his powers or take naps. Sometimes Swiss or Mountain or the others will offer to come cuddle. But he says no, too embarrassed to even be comfortable with someone he loves so much even looking at him.

He curls up in bed and starts thinking. He thinks and thinks until his mind starts spiraling. He doesn't know what's going on anymore. All he can focus on is how stupid he is and how much everybody hates him.

His throat tightens, his expressions keep shifting. His eyes start to burn with tears. He tries his best to take deep breaths, but he can never seem to get enough air into his lungs. He panics and struggles to breathe. And soon he feels the warm, salty droplets start to flood down his face. There's no easing into it. There aren't a few small tears first. No, they come down like a waterfall, making his face red and wet. His body wracks with sobs and he starts grabbing his throat, thinking it might help him breathe. His eyes are wide and stinging. He starts to feel trapped. He cries out, but it's weak and strangled. His hands move and he squeezes himself. His nails rake down his arms hard enough to draw blood. His body curls up as much as possible, not even aware or careful of the way it could hurt his back. His fists clench and he wails into his pillow. His eyes burn so much and he hates it. He moves his hands again and pulls his nails down his face over his eyes. He frantically rubs them and just keeps sobbing. His knees are at his chest and his tail goes between them and wraps around one of his calves. He pulls his forearms over his head. He hits himself and pulls his hair in hopes to make the overwhelming sensations stop. He tries to scream, but all that comes out is a sad, broken squawk. He needs help, but he can't reach it. He's too deep now.

His hands cover his ears and he rocks back and forth. He tries to focus on the voices in his head, the ones of Swiss and Rain comforting him, helping him through his anxieties. The one of Mountain reassuring him that everything will be alright. The voice of Dew telling him to calm down because there's nobody out to get him or anything. The ones of the ghoulettes pampering him and telling him how loved he is.

He tries to focus on all the sweet things they always said, but all he could hear were the bad ones. He heard Swiss' slightly annoyed tone, Dee's yelling, the ghoulette's scolding, even Copia's disappointed voice. He hears the voices of every "fan" or Clergy member or ghoul who told him he wasn't good enough. He was a mistake, a replacement, an accident, an incompetent dog who should've been sent right back to The Pits.

He bawls his eyes out all night until things go black.

And when he wakes up, he expects to feel alone and isolated. Stupid and unworthy.

But instead he wakes up to warmth. He opens his eyes and sees Swiss laying in front him, snoring away. He has an arm draped over Phantom's torso and another cradling his face.

Phantom feels tears brimming in his eyes again. He feels like this isn't real. He whimpers and is immediately shushed by two voices. Mountain is behind him and pulls him close to press a kiss on his head. Rain is on the other side of Mountain to softly reassure the quint that everything is okay.

Phantom looks around and sees everyone from his pack all cuddled around him. Some of the ghoulettes are stacked and Dew is sleeping on Rain's legs.

And he realizes that they're all there for him. They're all there because they love and care about him.

He's not a screw up. He's not a mistake or an accident. And he's not an incompetent dog.

He's a ghoul, and he's part of a pack who treasures him.

Swiss is half asleep and moves his other hand to hold Phantom's face.

"Cheer up, love bug," Swiss tells him. "You're alright."

Phantom sobs softly as Swiss wipes his tears.

And after some coaxing and sweet words, he's falls back into sleep, now rid of his nightmares and thoughts of self hatred.

He is loved.

Ghoul Toe Headcanon post!!!

@nyxiamoon and my little Ghoul toe bean headcanons 😋

Mountain: I feel like you can do literally anything to him and he likes it. Like a big dog. Beat on his ribs, tug on his ears, play with his feet and his tail. He’s good with kids too.

Rain: I think Rain is super ticklish but giggles instead of getting mad. Sometimes does the bap reflex back at his tormentor if he really wants to be left alone.

Swiss: Swiss might have a foot thing 👀 like he LOVES massages. He’s the one you have to be careful with because doing anything is basically an open invitation to “play”.

Phantom: Phantom is a bit ticklish but will want to start playing like bapping you back and getting into tickle wrestling.

Aether: He’s the most ambivalent about having his feet touched. It's the tail where he's sensitive 🤭.

Dew: Hates having his feet touched in any way. Will snap and snarl if you’re even hinting of going for his feet.

The Girls:

Cumulus: Cumulus is like Swiss, it’s just an invitation to get more physical.

Cirrus: Like Dew; hates anything touching her feet. Gets snippy if you even try and get close.

Sunshine: Like Aether 🤭. Doesn’t care what you do to her feet. It’s more a general comforting contact thing.

Aurora: Like Rain, giggly and ticklish if you’re intentionally trying to tickle her.

Fandom PSAs

Dont’ Like, Don’t Read

or DL; DR

You are responsible for curating your own online experience.

If something upsets you, makes you angry or queasy or triggers you, stop reading/looking at it. Avoid things that might make you feel that way.

Learn to use the Sort and Filter function on AO3, especially the Exclude tools.

On social media, block and mute accounts / tags / words when necessary.

If you hated something, you don’t need to tell that to the creator or start pointing fingers at them publicly.

The Back button is free. Use it.

Addendum:

Yes, for this to work, creators need to tag their works accordingly, so that people know what sort of content they are about to engage with and can nope out if necessary.

I will probably make another PSA about the importance of proper tagging later.

Ship And Let Ship

or SALS

You are allowed to ship whatever you want.

Everyone else is also allowed to ship whatever they want.

You are entitled to dislike or even hate a ship. If you want to do this online, in public, don’t use the ship tags for hate posts.

If you see someone posting about a ship they like and you don’t, there is no need for you to start arguing with them in their replies / comments / QRTs / reblogs. Don’t throw your hate in their face.

Do not harass fan creators or fans for shipping something you disapprove.

All of this also applies to liking / disliking an individual character.

Addendum:

”I agree with this, except when…”

No, then you are NOT agreeing with this.

Let me make this VERY clear. There are NO exceptions. None.

You don’t EVER harass real people over pixels.

If you disagree with this, kindly block and move on.

Your Kink Is Not My Kink

or YKINMK / YKINMKATO

The longer version is ”Your Kink Is Not My Kink And That’s Okay”.

People have different tastes. Not everything is for everybody.

Even if you don’t like a specific kink, other people are still allowed to use it in their creations.

You are entitled to dislike kinky content and think that it’s ”weird”.

Don’t kink shame or judge people based on their kinks.

This goes both ways: your kink is not someone else’s kink, so don’t push it onto those who are not into it.

Be Kind

or Don’t Be An Asshole

Focus on the things you like instead of the things you hate.

Create and unite instead of destroying and dividing.

Don’t harass real people over fictional things.

Stop stirring up petty drama just to get some attention on social media.

Stop trying to ”win”. Fandom is not a competition.

Remember that your own experiences aren’t universally shared. Your perception of things can differ from someone else’s, but that doesn’t mean either of you is necessarily wrong.

😭

𖤐 Purgatory𖤐

I thought of him in some kind of purgatory, having to „live“ with his stigma in neverending torment …suffering for never being good enough. 💔 …poor him

I really think everyone needs to truly internalize this:

Fictional characters are objects.

They are not people. You cannot "objectify" them, because they have no personhood to be deprived of. They have no humanity to be erased. You cannot "disrespect" them, because they are not real.

Things that are better than sex:

1. when a masked character does the head tilt thingy