@grislyintentions | FROM

@grislyintentions | FROM

DO YOU WISH TO BE RECOGNIZED?

kami is running the words over and over in his mind, frozen in place. he's not sure if his anger is stronger than his confusion ― he figured ei never would have forgotten who he is. it doesn't matter how much time has passed, she should still ―

UGH.

there's also mild despair broiling just underneath his anger. a grief he can't put to words. he DESPISES her, loathes her actions, and yet, in this exact moment of reunion, she's claiming she knows nothing about him. NOT NOTHING ― ei can still feel that same energy that never once left him. that same, irritation, stupid electro energy.

he can feel it coursing through his body, and kami can feel it stinging the back of his neck, itching in a way that can't be scratched or eased. it's ever the painful reminder that he'll ALWAYS belong to her in some fashion.

"your energy feels familiar," kami mocks quietly, low enough that he hopes she can't hear. then, he raises his voice. "i'm your so―" no. she would not care about, nor recognize the concept of family. that's a concept he himself had conjured up in his long sleep. when she abandoned him.

"―i'm your first creation. before the raiden shogun you so kindly kept after my failure."

"Baba!" Chongyun is glad to see their father after being away for so long. Their eagerly approaching, and even leaning into the pets so willingly offered.

As much as Chongyun had enjoyed their time in Jueyun Karst, it's nice to come back to the city to be among the other humans again, and it's especially nice to come back to Rex and have a visit with him.

"Training went well," Chongyun responds, sitting in the offered chair. "My strength has definitely improved. I daresay I'm about on Shenhe's level now." He idly reaches up to scratch at his ears. He'd forgotten what being in disguise feels like anymore, so now Chongyun feels slightly itchy. "What about you? Have you been well here?"

@oficeandwind

"Chongyun, how was your training with the adepti? You have grown since I last saw you." A gentle pat to the young one's head to give the blue hair an affectionate hair ruffle.

"Come I just had some tea ordered, let me get you lunch." Gesturing to the empty seat across him.

something I've noticed about chongyun lately is aside from being protective of the people they care for, they're very touchy-feely. like they'll sweep hair out of someone's face, or check their temperature, or other little touches like that to show their concern.

I don't think it's something Chongyun does on purpose, but something definitely does to show his worry and concern. because worrying about someone is not just an emotion, and I half believe that he checks/feels because he himself is a sickly person, and while he struggles to regulate his own bodily temperature, he knows what one is supposed to feel like, and any deviated from the norm on someone else would have Chongyun incredibly concerned and worried.

They care for people and that care manifests into physical touch. which then has me thinking that touch is Chongyun's love language after all. Not because they're touch starved, but because they appreciate when people touch them, so Chongyun dishes out the same treatment because to him, it's comforting, it's a feeling of safety, and he wants others to feel as safe and comforted as he does when people touch him.

well i'm actually in h.sr gonna try to spend the next few days getting caught up (wish me luck).

but i'm also hoping to reawaken muse for h.sr!chongyun, and reconfigure his part in the verse.

at least in genshin terms, we know that puppets do not need much sleep. that's not to say it's impossible, but they can survive forever without it if they're inclined.

with pena.cony being a dreamscape, i wonder if kami can sleep enough to enter it properly. of course, there's the hassle of getting checked into a hotel first, and laying in the pool, but that aside. could he enter it?

i'm kinda leaning toward yes, he probably could. just because he's a puppet doesn't make him completely immune to needing food and rest to live. he's still a living being after all.

i don't know how often he goes to visit the dreamscape though, because getting there in the first place is a huge hassle. but he probably has his ways of hacking into the system to borrow whatever is needed for himself.

i'll have to play more to learn more about it, but sleep + kami + pen.acony = i need to think about this more.

"we are NOT cowards," kami snaps. the anger itself isn't directed at ren, nor is it even a revelation of kami's opinion of himself. the phrase 'hiding out' seems to have struck a nerve with ren, and in turn, kami's trying to avoid his own rising panic. historically, neither of them really do well when it comes to feeling NEGATIVE emotions. it seems they share the same mindset that anything forcing a positive change in their lives is ALSO a downside. cowardice ― kami loathes that word. he's never meant to come across as a coward in his entire existence. hasn't their shared background taught them they're anything BUT?

kami supposes his brief burst of anger is more directed at the electro archon herself. her one act had been so careless, so thoughtless toward him. them. he supposes that to her, it had been a mere drop in a bucket, and not even ONCE considering how a puppet with freshly developed emotions would feel centuries later. maybe SHE'S the coward, refusing to confront or acknowledge the harm she caused. and even centuries later, is still evidentally acting blameless in her actions.

it pisses kaminari off.

as for himself, he could go back and see his own iteration of the raiden shogun. he could confront her. but this is ren's world, this is ren's issue to confront. forcing ren to face his past wouldn't do much for kami, but it COULD give him an idea on how he wants to approach his own issues.

"i don't have the first idea either," kami admits, voice returning to a quiet monotone. "i would say ask buer for advice, but i have the feeling she'd rather not meddle in family affairs." kami doesn't even want to consider anyone else in sumeru. not that many people even know of kami's existence in the first place. THAT much is still a secret ― though it is funny to confuse the citizens with the 'twins' seemingly switching clothes at random.

"my personal suggestion is to take the plunge." he shrugs. it's easy to give themselves this pep talk and work up the courage, but it's an entirely different thing if they have to actually get on a boat and travel to inazuma.

"what about that boyfriend of yours?" kami asks. "doesn't he travel with a pirate crew? what if we paid for passage to inazuma?" this is for ren's sake, kami is telling himself. ren would probably appreciate having both kami AND his romantic partner by his side. kami wonders if that kind of double support would be all the encouragement ren needs. and for a brief moment, kami is JEALOUS. he has no such support in his own time. swallow it down, push it away.

"of course, if you'd rather we didn't, i'm more than happy to stay on the mainlands forever. i hear it's fun to explore the water depths in fontaine."

does  he  want  to  go  BACK?  lips  press  into  a  thin  line  —  not  quite  a  smile  so  much  as  it  is  something  that  aspires  to  be.  the  only  sense  of  amusement  it  conveys  is  predictably  grim.   ❝  what  would  be  the  point? ❞   ren  asks  him  —  and  similar  to  his  twin,  he  still  refuses  to  look  at  him  directly  while  he  speaks.  it's  nothing  personal;  his  face  has  always  been  an  open  book,  and  the  wanderer  can  only  assume  whatever  PAINED  expression  has  etched  itself  into  his  countenance  is  far  too  embarrassing  to  share.  weak.  lost.  worthless.  ❝  there  isn't  anything  back  there ...  for  either  of  us. ❞   tatarasuna  is  gone;  a  broken,  unrecognizable  echo  of  what  was.  those  who  inhabited  it,  those  who  they  once  called  their  family  —  whether  as  a  result  of  tragedy  or  simply  the  relentless  march  of  time,  not  a  single  soul  still  draws  breath.  the  living  do  not  recognize  them  and  their  creator ...

well.  briefly  ren  entertains  what  would  be  worse  —  if  her  mind  was  wiped  clean  just  as  neatly  as  any  other  soul,  or  if  she  held  some  nondescript  recollection  of  the  creation  she  so  callously  DISCARDED.  he  wonders  if  the  pain  of  not  knowing  would  be  preferable.  the  wound  may  fester  and  refuse  to  heal,  but  at  least  then  he  could  choose  to  believe  whatever  option  was  less  insufferable  at  any  given  moment.  it's  the  coward's  way  out,  he  knows.  (  and  isn't  that  just  like  his  MOTHER?  )

he  stares  at  the  lights  shining  between  the  gaps  in  his  fingers,  then  curls  his  hand  into  a  fist  to  blot  them  all  out.  ❝  hiding ... ❞  the  wanderer  echoes.  ❝  i  suppose  when  you  put  it  that  way,  that's  exactly  what  we've  been  doing. ❞   (  just  like  his  mother.  just  like  his  mother.  )  just.  like.  his.  MOTHER.  throat  goes  tight  at  the  revelation;  he  has  to  take  a  moment  and  exhale  a  slow  breath  —  attempting  to  recall  lord  kusanali's  words  of  wisdom  as  he  untangles  the  gnarled  mess  of  knots  making  itself  at  home  inside  his  chest.  ❝  after  a  while ...  the  only  difference  between  laying  low  and  cowardice  is  what  you  choose  to  call  it. ❞

the  wanderer  straightens  up  very  suddenly,  as  if  the  railing  has  grown  hot  enough  to  BURN  HIM.  ❝  i  don't  know. ❞  he  finally  says,  voice  tight  with  the  dissatisfaction  the  admittance  brings  him.  ❝  i  want  to  move  on,  but  it doesn't  seem  possible  without  facing  the  issue ...  the  difficult  part  is knowing  HOW to do that. ❞