Okamukoshitsuji - Sleepyhead

Agradeço a todos que colaboraram com minhas 100 curtidas!

Don't minde me, just saving this here for appreciation

volcano | han jisung x fem ! reader

part one - the meeting

LITTLE BIT OF FLUFF & SO MUCH ANGST & SMUT & SINGLE DAD ! JISUNG & FEM ! READER & MORE UNDER THE CUT ! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

jisung knew his anxiety made a lot of his decisions for him. he knew that his devotion to his daughter held him back from caring for himself sometimes. but that was okay. as long as she was happy, he could be happy too. he didn’t need to be in love. his desires changed and shifted when he ran into you, though. suddenly, he wasn’t as okay without you by his side. 

read part two here ( coming soon ! ) | see more dad stray kids fics here !

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warnings. talk of pregnancy (not reader), jisung's ex walks out on him, jisung's ex is kind of a bitch, jisung loves a little too big, so much angst already, mentions of food / eating, mentions of alcohol / drinking, mentions of anxiety, talk of guilt / parental guilt (jisung feels like he's not doing enough for his daughter), vague mention of reader having a poor past relationship, brief jerking off scene (jisung) followed by guilt, jisung is exceedingly clumsy

word count. 8,235 words

disclaimer. this story is not meant to accurately portray any of the idols found here ! it is simply fiction. other idols (apart from stray kids) featured in this story include: lee heeseung (enhypen), lee chaeryeong (itzy), lia / choi jisu (itzy)

note. pulling out the angst early on ! i am sorry (not really) but i hope you'll enjoy it anyway ‹3 nothing too explicit yet, but we'll get there !! PLEASE PLEASE reblog / comment / send asks & let me know what you think so far ! i would greatly appreciate it ‹3

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Jisung’s life was falling apart. Or, maybe he was overreacting, but it certainly felt like it was falling apart. If it wasn’t bad enough that he was about to fail a course he needed for his major, he of course had to find out that his girlfriend was cheating on him. And as if that wasn’t enough, the universe decided that instead of them parting ways forever, they would be stuck with one another forever, because she was pregnant. With his kid. At least, that’s what she claimed. 

“You’re pregnant?” 

She scoffed and crossed her arms. “Yes, you idiot, I’m pregnant. Your pull out game fucking sucks.”

“I—” Jisung blinked, still trying to fully comprehend the situation at hand. “I don’t really think that’s what we should be focusing on.” 

“Is it not? If it weren’t for that, we wouldn’t be in this position.” 

“It’s not entirely my fault! You told me you were on birth control. I asked if I should use a condom and you were so fucking desperate that you said no. So this isn’t only my fault. Don’t skew it to be.” Jisung glared at her, furious that she was trying to claim the pregnancy was entirely his fault. 

“Whatever,” she rolled her eyes. “We need to figure out what we’re going to do about this.” 

Jisung sighed and dragged a tired hand over his face. “How do you know it’s my kid? Did you forget you’ve been cheating on me? How are you sure it’s not his?” 

“Don’t you think I thought of that?” She snapped at him. Jisung flinched but didn’t say anything as she continued to speak. “The timeline wouldn’t be right if it was him. It has to be yours.” 

“Okay. Okay, so… do you want to… keep the baby?”

“I don’t know.” She was quiet after that, and Jisung felt his heart softening. When she wasn’t snapping at him, he was reminded of the reasons he had fallen in love with her to begin with. 

He cleared his throat and moved so he was sitting beside her on the couch. “Well, if we decide we want to keep the baby… I will be 100% committed. I’ll help you take care of them. You won’t have to do it alone.” 

That was all it took to convince her to keep the baby. Jisung was, of course, nervous at first, worried he wouldn’t be a good dad, worried they were too young and wouldn’t be able to handle it. Everything changed, though, when his daughter was born. 

He knew she was his the moment she was born. She looked like a carbon copy of him. He watched in awe as his girlfriend held her in her arms. He didn’t even realize he was crying until the nurse handed him a tissue. He thanked her and wiped his eyes, patiently waiting for his turn to hold his newborn daughter. 

His life changed forever the moment he held her for the first time. He had never known love like he felt for her. He didn’t even know it was possible to love someone as much as he loved her. He looked over at his girlfriend who had her eyes closed, exhausted from giving birth. 

When the nurse asked for her name, he looked at his girlfriend. They hadn’t really discussed names ahead of time, always putting it off and saying they’d figure out what she looked like when she was born. His girlfriend was already drifting into a state of unconsciousness, the exhaustion overwhelming her. Jisung looked back at the small baby in his arms and giggled a little to himself as he said her name. 

“Haneul. Han Haneul.”

His own heaven here in his arms.

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“Haneul, you’re going to be late for school if we don’t leave right now!” 

Jisung could hear Haneul frantically scurrying around her room at his words. He sighed a little to himself. Unfortunately, in addition to looking just like him, she was just as forgetful as him sometimes. She came running out of her room a moment later, her backpack hanging haphazardly off of her back. Most mornings were like this, honestly. 

He paused for a moment as she put her shoes on, smiling as he took in her t-shirt, pretty denim skirt, and black leggings. She was more and more beautiful with every passing day. His heart swelled with love and pride. Jisung clicked his tongue as she stood up. “One second, I forgot something for your hair.” 

Jisung disappeared into the bathroom of their apartment and appeared a moment later, a pink bow in hand. He clipped the accessory to his daughter’s ponytail and grinned proudly at his work. Haneul was independent and liked to dress herself and pick out her own outfits, but she still liked for him to do her hair. “You look beautiful, Neul-ah.” 

“Thanks Appa!” She beamed up at him and then grabbed his hand pulling him out of the apartment. “Now let’s go before I’m late!” 

Jisung was lucky that his apartment was only a fifteen minute bus ride from the school his daughter was starting at. He was also lucky that they arrived at the bus stop just as the bus arrived. As they rode the bus to school, Jisung listened to his daughter animatedly talk about how excited she was for school that day.

Jisung was less enthusiastic about her going to school. He knew it meant she was growing up, getting older, changing. He didn’t like the idea of things being different. He didn’t like that his little girl was growing up. He was also scared that in going to school, she’d get curious about her mother and ask questions he didn’t know how to answer. Each day, he expected her to finish class only to ask him why she didn’t have a mom like the other kids. 

He almost didn’t realize they were already at their stop until Haneul tugged on his fingers again. He blinked and shook the thoughts clouding his mind away, holding his daughter’s hand tighter and guiding her off the bus and to her school. Jisung had thought about sending Haneul to the school Felix’s daughter, Hoyeon, attended, but it was further away from his apartment, so he had ultimately decided on the school Haneul currently attended. 

“Be good today, okay? I’ll be back when you’re finished.” 

Haneul nodded and hugged her dad, grinning brightly at him. “I know, Appa! You’re always here when I’m done! I’ll see you after school. Bye!” 

She ran off before he could say anything else, joining her friends. All he could do was watch her disappear into the school building. He always felt an uncomfortable clenching in his chest when she left. 

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Five years earlier…

Jisung had been told on more than one occasion that he loved too big. He knew this, of course, he didn’t need to be told. He knew that his feelings were overwhelming sometimes—that he often felt like he might explode if he didn’t lay himself bare for the people he loved most. His mom told him this was a good thing. She said his tendency towards love and empathy could never be bad. His dad said he was going to get himself hurt because of it. 

His dad was right. 

“What do you mean you’re leaving?” Jisung had all but yelled as his girlfriend shoved the last of her things into a suitcase. “You can’t just leave Haneul! She needs a mom!” 

“You’ll figure something out.” She muttered under her breath and stood fully, not looking him in the eye. 

He shook his head. He didn’t understand. “H-how can you just leave her? How can you leave… me?”

“I just can’t do this, Jisung! Do you really think I want to spend the rest of my life with you? Obviously I cheated for a reason.” She finally snapped, glaring over at him. Haneul cried from where she had been sleeping in the makeshift nursery in Jisung’s apartment. “Besides, I can’t be a mom. I’m not ready for it. I don’t want to be. And I’m not going to change my mind or regret it. I need to go.” 

He reached for her arm, but she pulled away, avoiding him. “Wait, please don’t go. We can figure this out together—” 

“I’m not staying, Jisung.” 

“Can’t you at least wait until morning?” His throat was raw as he pleaded with her. “I-It’s the middle of the night and what if she needs you tonight—”

“There’s still milk left over in the fridge and in the freezer, she’ll be fine without me. She always liked you better anyways.”

“That’s not—”

“Goodbye, Jisung.” 

Nothing he said would keep her there with him, so his hand fell back to his side. He watched as she dragged the suitcase behind her. He watched as the door to his apartment closed behind her. He stood in shocked silence as she left and he listened as Haneul cried. He blinked slowly and turned around. Even if his girlfriend—ex-girlfriend—didn’t want to take care of Haneul, he would. He loved her too much not to. 

He held Haneul in his arms, rocking her until she drifted back to sleep. When her eyes had closed again and she stopped crying, Jisung laid her down again and let himself cry. Nothing was going the way he had ever imagined it. He didn’t know what to do. 

He cleared his throat quietly and left the room to find his phone. He called his mom. She picked up after two rings, despite the late hour. He tried not to cry as he spoke. “Mom, I… she left. I-I don’t know what to do, but I know I need help. I… I can’t take care of Haneul on my own.” 

His mom came the next day to help him figure out what he needed to do. Thankfully, he had graduated successfully while his girlfriend was pregnant and he’d recently gotten a job at an entertainment company as a producer’s assistant. Hopefully he would work his way up soon so that he was a producer himself. For now, though, the money was just barely enough to pay the rent and take care of himself and Haneul. 

“So, if you budget your money like this,” his mom mused, writing one final number on the budget they had drafted together. “You should still be able to profit a little bit each month. You dad and I can help out some, too.”

“You don’t have to, Mom, really—”

“We want to.” 

He chewed on his bottom lip, anxiously accepting his mother’s offer for help. “I just… I don’t understand how it all happened this way.” 

“She took advantage of your kindness and good heart. She knew you would take care of Haneul, no matter what, so she used that as an opportunity to get out before she was trapped.” His mother sighed and looked up at him, brushing the hair off of his forehead.

“I don’t know how this could have been avoided…”

“Unfortunately, this is something that couldn’t have been avoided. Her walking away, I mean. No matter what, she was going to do it. You’re too good, Jisung. And that’s not a bad thing, it’s just something that… not good people will use against you.” 

Jisung swallowed and nodded. Haneul started crying again. He was quick to stand, but so was his mom. She made him sit again. “I’ll take care of her, Jisung-ah.” 

As his mom left the room to soothe Haneul, Jisung thought about the situation he was in. If only he hadn’t been so stupid. If only he’d worn a condom instead of trusting that the birth control would work. If only he hadn’t gotten into such a toxic relationship to begin with. If only he’d been better maybe she would have stayed. 

Still… he didn’t regret having Haneul. He loved her more than he loved anyone. It didn’t make sense to him—how he could have come to love her so quickly. He did though. He loved her. He would spend the rest of his life protecting her and caring for her and loving her, he knew that much. 

Even if it meant working twice as hard, twice as long, just to provide for her, he would do it. Jisung already knew there was nothing he wouldn’t do if it meant Haneul would be happy and feel loved and have a good life. He would go to the ends of the earth for her. 

Jisung took a deep breath and looked at the budget in front of him. He could do it. He had to. For his daughter. 

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Present… 

“Hey, Chan, would you be able to watch Haneul for a little bit tonight?” Jisung held the phone to his ear with his shoulder as he pushed the shopping cart through the grocery store. “I have something I need to do. It would just be for a couple hours. She could play with Yunseo! It would be fun for them—”

“Relax, Ji. I was going to say yes.” Chan laughed as Jisung rambled. 

He sighed in relief and nodded, even though his friend couldn’t see him. “Thanks, Chan, you’re a lifesaver.” 

“You know, you run mystery errands every couple of weeks. When are you going to tell us what you’re actually doing?” Chan’s voice was inquisitive but not pushy. 

“I… If anything ever comes of it, I’ll tell you.” 

“You know we would support you no matter what, right?” 

“Yeah,” Jisung breathed, pulling a box of Haneul’s favorite cereal off the shelf. “I know. But this is just… something I want to keep to myself until it becomes something big.” 

Jisung could almost see the way Chan was probably nodding his head. Chan was always understanding. He was always supportive. “Okay. As long as you know we care about you.” 

“I know. I have to go, hyung, I’m finishing up some grocery shopping before I pick Haneul up from school.”

“Alright.” Chan was smiling. He could hear it. “Just swing by later and drop Haneul off. I’ll take care of her this evening for you.” 

“Thank you, hyung.” 

Chan hummed in acknowledgement and then hung up. Jisung finished his grocery shopping and picked Haneul up from school, excitement for the impending evening building in his chest with each passing hour. 

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If your friends asked you why you didn’t have a boyfriend—why you hadn’t had a boyfriend in years—you always chalked it up to not being interested in any of the guys you’d talked to lately. Or you would tell them you didn’t want a boyfriend. You’d say one night stands and quickies in club bathrooms and one week stints were enough for you. 

But you were lying. You knew it. They did too, but they figured if you wanted to talk about it, you would, so they never pressed too hard. Sometimes you wished they would. Maybe you needed to talk about the real reason. Instead you were always just shoving it further inside you, leaving it to rot and fester and ruin. Waiting for it to bubble up out of you in a messy explosion. 

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to be in a relationship. You didn’t particularly love one night stands and quick weekend flings. But it was hard to ignore the pain of your memories that sprung up every time you so much as thought of getting close to someone again. 

You didn’t think it was fair to let someone in. They would have to deal with unnecessary baggage that came attached to your back, likely in addition to their own struggles. It wasn’t fair to them. It wasn’t fair to you either, to let yourself get close to someone who couldn’t be there for you the way you needed them to be. So, relationships were sort of out of the question. At least, for a while.

“Yn!” Chaeryeong cheered when you answered your phone, finally. “Say you’ll come with us to the club tonight!” 

“It’s… Thursday?” You were confused as to why your friends would want to go clubbing on a random Thursday night. Especially since all of them worked jobs that required them to be awake and not hungover the next morning. 

You could almost feel Chaeryeong roll her eyes through the phone. “Well, yeah, but Lia got a promotion at her job! So we’re celebrating. Don’t worry, grandma, we won’t keep you out long.” 

Maybe a night out was exactly what you needed to take your mind off of the stinging in your fingertips and the yearning in your heart for something you didn’t think you could even have. You sighed a little and nodded. “I’m not worried about me being out too long. You know that wouldn’t affect my job all that much. I’m worried about you three idiots. Just make sure you don’t get drunk otherwise I get free reign to tell you ‘I told you so.’”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” she scoffed. “Meet us at the club downtown at like 7:00, okay?” 

“Sure, okay.” 

Chaeryeong made a pleased noise. “Maybe tonight we’ll find you a man, too.” 

You doubted it. You didn’t say anything, just laughed a little and hung up. You looked at your laptop on the counter next to you. It had been left open when you’d fallen into your spiraling thoughts and now it taunted you—cursor blinking menacingly on a blank page. 

You sighed and closed the laptop.

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The nightclub was crowded for a random Thursday evening. It was hot and you were slightly uncomfortable with all the random people pressed against you, but you couldn’t change how packed the small club was, so you gritted your teeth and made your way toward the bar. It didn’t take you long to get there and you saw your friends sitting together, laughing at something someone had said. 

You tapped Chaeryeong on the shoulder and she turned, grinning wide when she saw you. You hugged her, yelling out a quick ‘hello’ over the loud music. Lia hugged you next, followed by Heeseung. He was the only boy in your little friend group, so he was the subject of much teasing from you and your other two friends. 

“Did you know there’s going to be a rapper performing tonight?” Heeseung shouted as he pulled away from the quick hug. “Goes by J.ONE or something like that! He’s apparently really good, but super underground! Jake showed me some of his stuff on SoundCloud and I really liked it!” 

Chaeryeong gave you a look as she added, “I heard he’s really hot too! And young. Maybe you should make a move tonight!” 

“Oh my god,” you rolled your eyes, “You guys make it sound like I haven’t gotten laid in years. I’m fine. I don’t need dick that badly.” 

“Are you sure? You were just complaining yesterday about how long it’s been since you fucked someone!” Lia giggled, slinging her arm around you. Heeseung snickered but didn’t say anything else on the matter, opting instead to order you a drink. 

“You guys are the worst.” You pouted, accepting the drink from the bartender. 

Heeseung took a long sip from his own drink and pulled out his phone, scrolling through social media silently as you caught up with the girls. Lia told you more about her situationship and Chaeryeong told you about the job she’d recently gotten as a dance instructor at a studio that taught primarily children. You couldn’t hear her well over the music, but you thought she called it 5-STAR. 

The music suddenly faded out and you looked toward the tiny stage near the back of the nightclub. There was a man standing there, a hat pulled low over his eyes and a microphone in his hand. You were curious about him—he must be the rapper Heeseung had mentioned to you. You grabbed Lia’s hand and pulled her with you closer to the stage. Heeseung and Chaeryeong followed the two of you. When you got right in front of the stage, you could see him better. 

His cheeks were full and soft, but his jawline when he turned his head to look off to the side was sharp and defined. His eyes were round and wide. He was cute but somehow, he was so hot too. You could see the in-ear monitor he was wearing and couldn’t help but follow the small cord from his ear, down the back of his neck, into his baggy t-shirt. 

He brought the microphone to his lips. “If you’re a regular here, you probably know who I am, but for all of you who are here for the first time or are newer, I’m a rapper and music producer called J.ONE. I’ll be performing a couple of my original songs for you guys tonight. I hope you’ll enjoy them.” 

He made eye contact with you when the music started and winked at you. You squeezed Chaeryeong’s arm, heart catching in your throat as you watched him. “Fuck, he is hot, Chaer.” 

“Told you,” she smirked at you and then turned to cheer loudly for J.ONE. “Make your move after he’s done, girl. Musicians fuck the best.” 

You felt heat rush through your body at the thought of fucking the man on the stage in front of you. You couldn’t deny how attractive he was, how much of an effect he had on you. His voice was also doing wonders for you. He was so cocky on stage—like he knew he was the best. Heeseung leaned over and shouted in your ear. 

“Jake showed me this song! I think it’s called ‘I GOT IT!’ It’s good, huh?” 

You nodded dazedly, eyes never leaving J.ONE as he moved around the stage. He smirked at you and as he finished the song he crouched right in front of you, tilting his head to the side and reaching out to grab your hand and kiss the back of it. You gasped and as he stood and moved away again to start the next song you held your hand to your chest. 

“Oh, you are going to be so down bad for this man,” Lia laughed, hugging you close to her as you watched the rest of his performance. 

“Shut up,” you mumbled, but you knew she couldn’t hear you. 

When J.ONE finished all of the songs he’d prepared, he hopped off the stage, disappearing into the crowd. You felt your heart beat faster, nervous that you’d lose him and never see him again. You asked your friends to help you find him, so they looked through the packed club, trying to help you spot him. It was all in vain, though, he was gone as quickly as he’d appeared. 

You left the club that night, disappointed. You had wanted to get to know the mysterious rapper, maybe make out a little, maybe take things a little farther than that. Your friends tried to console you, but you couldn’t deny the heaviness in your chest. There was just something about him that had intrigued you more than anyone had in a long time. 

“Maybe we can go out again this weekend? See if he’ll be there again?” Lia offered, trying to make you feel better. 

You shook your head, sighing to yourself, “I can’t. I really need to write. The book won’t finish itself and I have some deadlines I need to meet coming up.” 

Chaeryeong nodded in understanding. “Okay. Just let us know when you want to go back. We can ask the owner when J.ONE will be performing again. I’m sure he’d be happy to tell us.”

“If I need to have Jake do some internet stalking to find out some more about this guy for you, just let me know.” Heeseung joked, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and squeezing gently. You were grateful for your friends. 

“Thanks guys. I’m fine though, really. I don’t even know him. I’m really not that upset.” 

That was a lie though, because when you found yourself in bed that night, staring at the ceiling, frustrated beyond belief, you couldn’t help but think that if you’d just been able to meet him you wouldn’t have to get yourself off alone again. 

A small voice in the back of your head whispered that maybe you could finally have a boyfriend if you had talked to him. A louder voice reminded you that you didn’t know him and that no one would ever want to carry your baggage with them. Another voice offhandedly offered up the thought that you only wanted to sleep with him. He looked like he’d wanted to sleep with you too. 

But maybe you were thinking too highly of yourself. Maybe you weren’t even his type. Maybe his flirting had just been part of the show. 

But it couldn’t have been… could it? He seemed so genuine… If only you knew what was going through his head when he saw you. Did he feel the same about you as you did about him? 

He did. But of course, you didn’t know that. 

Still, once Jisung had put his daughter to bed and was sure she was asleep, he laid in his own bed and wrapped a hand around his aching cock. He closed his eyes tightly, your face popping up in his mind. He groaned softly to himself, feeling so stupid for thinking of some girl whose name he didn’t even know while he touched himself. He couldn’t stop, though. 

He came harder than he had in a while. Though, maybe that was just because it had been weeks since he’d actually touched himself. He exhaled softly as he laid there, coming down from his high. He thought of you again. Beautiful. He wondered if you would come back to the nightclub someday when he was performing again. 

He pushed the thought away. He didn’t even know you. He needed to make his too-big feelings disappear.

He heard Haneul call for him from her bedroom. He scrambled up out of bed, cringing as he shoved his softening dick, still sticky with cum, back into his pants so he could take care of his daughter. He quickly wiped the cum from his hand with a tissue and then, he pushed down the guilt that crawled up his throat. 

“Hey, baby, what’s wrong?” His voice was soft as he knelt beside Haneul’s bed. 

“I can’t sleep. Will you give me another goodnight kiss and sing me a song?” 

His heart softened a little and then it ached. He loved her so much. How could he be so selfish? How could he be thinking of sex and women and getting himself off when she needed him? How could he be thinking of pursuing his own dreams of rapping when she was right here? When all he ever needed was in the room just down the hall from his? 

“Of course, babe.” He kissed her head. Then her cheeks. Then her nose. She giggled as she settled back down into her covers, closing her eyes and waiting for Jisung to sing her to sleep. 

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You always seemed to work better in coffee shops. There was just something about the atmosphere of a cafe that inspired you. There were so many people with different stories coming in and out, in and out. Of course, the caffeine helped too. 

You sat at a booth by the front window of your favorite coffee shop, halfway finished with your first drink as you stared at your laptop screen. You just couldn’t figure out where to go next in the story. You sighed, burying your face in your hands as you tried to think of what to write. 

Your first book had done well. So well, in fact, that your name was fairly well known these days. The problem with that, however, was that there was more of a deadline for your second book since it was highly anticipated. Sometimes you missed not having strict deadlines for your writing. You didn’t miss all the part-time jobs, though, you could admit that. 

You reached for your drink again, sipping at it as you set your hands on the laptop keys again, trying to write at least something. But nothing was coming. Frustrated, you finished off your drink and stood to order another one. Unfortunately, in your haste, you hadn’t looked before you stood. 

“Shit!” The man yelped as you stood, knocking right into him and successfully spilling his coffee all over the both of you. “Fuck, I’m so sorry, oh my god, I’m so clumsy. Here, let me help you.” 

He rambled worriedly as he reached for napkins on the empty booth next to yours. He dabbed at the coffee that was currently seeping into your top, too nervous to realize he was unintentionally feeling you up. He continued to mutter apologies. “I should’ve watched what I was doing, god, I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” you giggled, grabbing his hands and stopping his frantic dabbing. He looked up at you and your eyes widened as your jaw dropped. “It’s you. Y-you’re the rapper from that club a few weeks ago!” 

His face flushed and he stood quickly, backing up from you. “Uh, u-um, yeah. You’re—yeah. I-I think I should probably go. Uh, I’m really sorry about the coffee again. H-here’s some money to pay to have the shirt dry cleaned o-or to buy another shirt or a drink. Fuck, sorry.” 

“Wait,” you stopped him, a hand on his arm. “C-could I maybe get your number?” 

“I…” 

“I-I mean, only if you’re okay with that. I didn’t mean to be so forward—I’m usually not. I just really wanted to talk to you at the club, but you disappeared pretty quickly that night.” 

You were nervous as you waited for him to respond. What were the odds that you’d meet him again? And like this. He looked from you to the spilled coffee on the floor and then to the bag he had slung over his shoulder and then back to you. “D-do you really want my number?” 

“Yeah,” you were quick to nod and smile at him. “I really do.” 

“Okay. Okay, well, l-let me write it down for you. Uh, you can text me whenever. I’m not really… big on phone calls, but I don’t mind texting.” He dragged a hand through his dark hair, the soft locks just falling back into place afterwards. 

You grinned even wider at him as he handed you a small slip of notebook paper with his number written on it. “I’ll text you. And, I think you should also tell me your name. As far as I know, your real name is J.ONE.” 

“Oh, right.” He laughed and you admired the way his eyes crinkled. He shook his head and toed at the sticky tile floor. “My name is Han Jisung.” 

“Ah.” Jisung. Even his name was attractive. You swallowed a little as you spoke again. “I’m yn.”

“Nice to meet you, yn,” Jisung grinned at you. You liked his smile. Everything about him was attractive. 

“D-do you maybe want to join me?”

He shook his head, frowning a little. “Sorry, I can’t. I have some work I need to get done and an appointment in a few minutes.”

“Right. Sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“No, it’s okay!” He was quick to reassure you. “If I didn’t have places to be, I would have loved to join you. Maybe some other time, yeah?” 

“Yeah,” you mumbled, watching as he glanced at the watch he was wearing. “Some other time.” 

“Don’t forget to text me, pretty.” He winked at you, turning to leave the coffee shop. He didn’t bother getting a new drink. He would be late if he had to wait for a new one. 

“I-I won’t.” 

Your cheeks burned as you watched him leave. You held your face in your hands when he was out of sight, flustered from your interaction with him. He was even prettier up close. You had to tell your friends. You pulled your phone out to text them. 

you : guess who i ran into at the coffee shop today.

chaer : who??

lia : i bet it was that rapper from a few weeks ago lol

hee hee : oh my god, if it was the rapper she’s probably losing her shit

you : ....... it was the rapper. J.ONE. han jisung

You pocketed your phone again and sat back down in your booth, staring at your computer screen. You couldn’t focus though. Not with thoughts of Jisung flashing in your mind and your coffee soaked shirt sticking to your skin. You swallowed thickly and stood up, gathering your things and leaving the coffee shop. 

You always seemed to work better in coffee shops. But not today. 

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Jisung was a bit distracted as he rode the bus to pick Haneul up from school. He couldn’t believe he’d seen you again. What were the chances of that? And you wanted his number? He was convinced he was dreaming and would wake up at any moment. 

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he almost jumped out of his skin. It was a text message. 

you : hey jisung ! this is yn ! just wanted to make sure you have my phone number too :)

He stared at the message for a long time. He probably read it three times before he fully registered that it was, in fact, a real text message from you and he wasn’t dreaming. He blinked slowly as he thought of what to say. He looked up and realized it was his stop. 

He would answer the message after he picked up Haneul. He got off the bus and waited outside the school for his daughter. Jisung thought it was lucky that he had more flexible hours now that he was an actual music producer. He also thought it was lucky that technically his direct boss was one of his best friends. When Chan had offered for him to come work with him as a team at a new company, Jisung couldn’t refuse—it meant more time with his daughter and more money so they could move out of their shitty one bedroom apartment. 

“Appa!” Haneul’s sweet voice pulled him from his thoughts and any burden he felt on his shoulders was lifted when he saw her. Jisung knew things would be okay as long as she was this sweet and happy. As long as he gave her a good life, that was all that mattered. 

Jisung picked her up when she ran into his arms. He grinned at her. “Haneul!” 

“Appa, guess what?” She giggled, pressing a small kiss to his cheek. He felt like he was melting into a puddle in the middle of the sidewalk. “Today, we learned about the water cycle! Like, evaporation is so cool, like, the water—it just, uh, just, like, heats up! And, and then it goes whoosh up into the clouds! Isn’t that so cool, Appa?” 

“That is so cool, Haneul. You’re getting so smart, baby.” 

Haneul continued to tell him about her day and he tried to focus, he really did. But all he could think about was earlier in the coffee shop. You were so pretty and he’d flirted with you so brazenly and… did he make a mistake? It wasn’t too late to ghost you yet… Maybe he… But that wouldn’t be fair to you. He swallowed the guilt lumping in his throat. Was it really so wrong to want something for himself for once?

“Appa…” Haneul’s voice was soft and he looked at her. He hadn’t realized he’d completely tuned her out. 

“Sorry, baby, I’m a little distracted. What did you say?” 

“Well, all the other kids get picked up by their moms and I…” Jisung’s chest felt tight. He wasn’t ready. He didn’t realize this conversation would happen so soon. What could he even say? Haneul looked down. “And they said that, that their moms and dads are really happy. I don’t really, uh, care about not having a mom to pick me up from school, but I want… you to be happy.”

His heart squeezed uncomfortably. “I am happy, Neul-ah. Really, I am. We do just fine, just the two of us, right?” 

“Well, duh, that’s why I don’t care that I don’t have a mom that picks me up, but I’m just saying if it would make you happy, you can find us a mom!” 

“Ah,” he had to resist the urge to laugh. He coughed to cover it up. If only it were that easy. “Ah, it doesn’t exactly work like that, Haneul, but I’ll keep that in mind.”

His phone suddenly felt heavy in his pocket. The text message from you was practically calling out to him in your sweet voice. What would Haneul think of him if he let himself get close to you—let you into their lives? Or was he getting ahead of himself entirely? Haneul said it was okay for him to be happy with someone but she was five, what did she really know?

“Appa,” she spoke again as they got on the next bus together. “It’s really okay if you like someone. My friend, Daesoo, says his parents really like each other and they always have fun at home. His mom and dad take turns picking him up. And, Uncle Felix is getting married soon and Hoyeon and Hana said that he and Hana’s mom are really happy together.”

“Ah, Haneul,” he whispered into her hair. “When did you get so wise? You’re growing up too quickly—can’t you just stay my little girl forever?”

She giggled, leaning into him even more. “I’ve always been wise, Appa, you just didn’t listen to me before.” 

“I didn’t, did I? I’m sorry, baby. But Haneul… I am happy. I’ll always be happy as long as I have you, even if it’s just the two of us forever.” 

“Okay, but… if you find someone you like just like Uncle Felix did, then it’s okay.” 

Jisung didn’t say anything else. They stood in silence for a moment. And then, Jisung pulled his phone out of his pocket to text you back. 

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You’d been chewing your bottom lip nervously for the past half hour, obsessively checking your phone to see if there was a text message notification. You didn’t know why you were so anxious about Jisung responding. Realistically, you knew he probably wouldn’t answer right away—he’d said he had an appointment, so he must be busy. Still, you were nervous about the message you sent. Had you sent it too soon after you’d met up? Did you sound too eager? 

You groaned and dropped your head onto your kitchen counter and pushed your phone away. Your laptop sat open. You still hadn’t written a single sentence. You were getting nowhere with this book and your first deadline was in a week. And now you were sure you wouldn’t get anywhere because all you could think about was the mysterious rapper who you were currently waiting to hear back from. 

Your phone buzzed on the kitchen counter and you were embarrassed by how quickly you sat up and reached for it. Your heart beat faster in your chest when you saw the notification. Finally. A text message from Jisung. 

hot rapper guy (jisung) : hey :) it was great to meet you today

hot rapper guy (jisung) : i have another show at the club tomorrow night. would you maybe want to come ? i’ll buy you a drink ;)

Was he being serious? You were sure your jaw had dropped at the second text message. You didn’t care. He was flirting with you… right? What else could the winking emoji mean? And he offered to buy you a drink. But… what if he was just being… nice? 

What were you thinking? People who were just being nice didn’t offer to buy you drinks and send winking emojis. You exhaled a shaky breath and typed back a response. 

you : i’ll be there. what time ?

You cringed as you sent the message. It was so… bland. Boring. Uninteresting. You sounded uninterested. Fuck. What if he thought you didn’t like him? 

hot rapper guy (jisung) : like… 7 ? i’ll be performing at 8, but i’ll have to dip pretty quickly afterwards again, so i was thinking we could mayyyybe get to know each other before that. if you want ! no pressure :) 

Fuck, he definitely felt like you didn’t like him. 

you : i’ll be there at 7 then ! i really want to get to know you. ugh i sound so uninterested over text </3 i promise i do want to, i’m just nervous now that i’m actually texting you !

Oh God, that wasn’t better. Now you just seemed desperate. What were you doing? Why were you acting like you’d never talked to a man a day in your life?

hot rapper guy (jisung) : it’s okay, yn. i’m nervous too.

hot rapper guy (jisung) : anyway, i’ll see you tomorrow ;)

you : yeah, see you tomorrow :) 

You set your phone down and breathed out a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding. Even though you knew how to flirt, you felt a little out of practice. It had been a while since you’d dated anyone or even spent the night with a guy. You’d just been too busy. 

You groaned and dropped your head onto your arms on the counter. You glanced over at your computer, annoyed with the blinking cursor and the empty page. You closed your laptop and sat up, reaching for your phone again. Maybe your friends were free. You needed their advice.

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“Hyung, could you maybe watch Haneul for a few hours tomorrow evening?” Jisung asked Minho over the phone. He tried to rotate through his friends when he needed someone to watch Haneul so he could go to the club and perform his songs. He didn’t want one person to feel burdened every time. 

Minho didn’t hesitate before he answered. “Sure. I’ll be watching Yunseo for Chan too, so what’s one more kid? Jiyeon will enjoy the company anyway and I think my girl is bringing Haru over too tomorrow, so the kids’ll have fun together. What are you up to this time?”

“Ah,” Jisung sighed, he never knew what to tell his friends. He hated lying to them but he didn’t want to tell them about his rapping gig in the club downtown just yet. “I just have some errands I need to run downtown that I can’t bring Haneul to.”

“What kind of errands, Ji? Like, are you hooking up with someone you found on Tinder or―”

“No! God, hyung, no it’s nothing like that.” Jisung panicked. Did his friends really think he was just dumping his daughter on them so he could get his dick wet? The thought that that was what everyone secretly thought of him made his anxiety spike.

Minho chuckled a little. “Relax, Jisung, I’m teasing you. I know you wouldn’t do that. But, uh, just saying if you did need to leave her with one of us so you could get laid sometimes, none of us would judge you. It’s normal to want sex. So, like, just don’t feel bad if that’s ever something you need to do.”

“N-no, I… Thanks, hyung but that’s not… something I would do. I would feel too guilty to even, like, get hard or anything, probably.”

“Yeah, well,” he could almost see Minho shrugging with that teasing smirk on his face. “Whenever you eventually realize that you want someone. Just let me know.” 

“Ugh, whatever hyung. I’m hanging up. I’ll see you tomorrow when I drop Haneul off. Is 6:00 okay?”

“Sure, sure. See you both tomorrow.”

Jisung sighed again and hung up, dropping his phone onto the counter and looking at the ingredients in front of him. He was going to attempt to make one of his mom’s recipes for dinner, but the more he looked at everything laid out in front of him, the less sure he was that it would even turn out right.

“Haneul,” he called. She came running into the kitchen from where she’d been playing in her room. “How do you feel about ramyeon for dinner?”

She nodded enthusiastically and then ran back to her room. Jisung put the food he had out away in the refrigerator and instead grabbed eggs, chicken, and vegetables. If he was going to make Haneul ramyeon, he wanted to make sure it was at least a little nicer than just the instant ramyeon package itself.

Truthfully, he wasn’t the best cook. He never really had been. He’d been trying to learn how to cook as Haneul grew up (Minho was kind enough to offer some free help), but he just couldn’t seem to pick it up easily. You’d think it would be easy to just follow step by step instructions but somehow he tended to mess even that up.

Jisung found himself wondering if you were good at cooking. He shook the thought out of his head.

────────────────────────────

“I have gathered you all here today,” you started dramatically, hands clasped in front of you as you looked at your three best friends sitting squished together on your tiny couch. “Because I… need help flirting. Suddenly, it’s as if I’ve forgotten how to talk to attractive men. I am meeting with Jisung tomorrow—”

“The rapper?!” Heeseung exclaimed, but you ignored him.

“—And I do not want to make a fool of myself in front of him. So, I would greatly appreciate your assistance in this matter. Thank you.” 

You unclasped your hands and sat down on the floor in front of them, legs crossed. Lia blinked at you slowly. “Wait, I’m still hung up on the part where you said you’re meeting with the rapper tomorrow.”

“I got his number at the cafe today and we texted a bit and he asked me to come watch him perform at the club tomorrow. Which is when I made myself look like a complete idiot. I am not doing that again tomorrow, so please help me.” 

“What did you even text him?” Chaeryeong asked.

You felt your face grow hotter. “Ah, well, I just… sounded kind of dry I think.” 

You showed your friends the text thread between you and Jisung and watched their faces as they read. Heeseung looked indifferent, Lia cringed a little, and Chaeryeong looked like she was trying not to laugh. Your heart dropped at their less than enthused faces. 

“I mean, it’s not that bad. He still seems into you at least. But… we do have to work on the dryness of these messages, yn,” Lia finally spoke, smiling reassuringly at you. 

You groaned, covering your face with your hands, “Ugh, trust me, I know. I don’t know what’s going on with me! It’s not like I’ve never talked to a hot guy before. Why am I fumbling so bad now?” 

“It’s okay, yn,” Chaeryeong rubbed your back soothingly. 

“Yeah,” Heeseung snorted, leaning back on the couch with his hands behind his head. “You can’t have game every time you talk to a hot guy. It just wouldn’t be fair.” 

You rolled your eyes at him, but you knew he was right. You were bound to be a little awkward on occasion. “Whatever. I guess you’re right.” 

“Of course I’m right.” 

“Well, anyway,” Lia interjected. “It’s obvious that Jisung likes you too. So, try not to overthink it too much, you know? Just let conversation come naturally.” 

“Yeah, you don’t have to, like, think ten steps ahead. Just let it flow. Don’t worry about things like, ‘should I use an exclamation point here’ or ‘does this emoji make me seem desperate.’ Just talk to him like you’d talk to anyone you’re trying to get to know for the first time.” Chaeryeong added, smiling gently at you.

It all felt easier said than done. But you knew they were right. You were grossly overthinking the entire situation. You had to remind yourself that if he really wasn’t interested, he wouldn’t even be entertaining you in the first place. So you were already off to a good start. 

You sighed. “Thanks guys. I’m sorry I’m such a mess. I… It’s been a while since I’ve actually liked someone and I guess I just… want to make a good impression.” 

“And that’s totally understandable, yn,” Chaeryeong nodded. “Just… remember to breathe, yeah? The worst that can happen is he says he’s not feeling the connection, which, yeah would suck, but there’s other guys out there who are worth your time and effort if that happens.” 

“Right.” You agreed. You knew it wouldn’t be the end of the world if Jisung rejected you for some reason, but you still really hoped he didn’t. 

Heeseung stood, stretching his arms over his head. “Do you have anything to eat? I’m starving.” 

He didn’t wait for you to answer before he wandered off to your kitchen to rummage through your cabinets and refrigerator. You rolled your eyes at him again but laughed and stood too. You didn’t say it very often, but you were grateful for your friends. As ridiculous as they could be, they always made you feel better. You knew everything would be okay in the end as long as you had each other. You didn’t need anyone else… 

Did you?

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i hope you all enjoyed 'volcano : part one' and are looking forward to more of my future works. if you enjoyed this and would like to be added to my permanent taglist, please fill out the taglist form here !

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