I Agree With This Message, Though I Will Go One Step Further And Say The Same Can Apply To All Men And

I agree with this message, though I will go one step further and say the same can apply to all men and boys. Don’t fit yourself into a box. Choose who you want to be and work to be that. Find what’s right for you. Don’t let others choose it for you.

First porn bots, now bots that bait you to a virus infested website.

Ive already gotten 2 of them.

If you guys get a random message like this

Or similar, DO NOT go to what ever the link tells you to, its a trap and YOU WILL regret it.

Champ

You know, it’s funny. I should be freaking out over all this, but I still feel absolutely calm. I have doctors looking over me while I’m typing this. Aside from having to mind how hard I type on the keys, things don’t seem to have changed all that much. Well, barring the fact I’m incredibly strong now, and I feel an intense need to lift things.

... And I have a massive increase in appetite. I suppose I should go back to the beginning. See, I’m an amateur bodybuilder looking to get into the big time. Or at least, I was. I felt like I had pretty good form and nicely sized musculature. I went to the gym on a regular basis, still do, and I made sure to maintain a proper diet for myself. When I wasn’t working on building, I would dedicate my cardio to Pokemon Go. Yes, I’m a Pokemon nerd. And there’s nothing wrong with that, no matter what other people may say. Anyway, a friend of mine knew I was about to try my first competition, so he sent me a special package with a black speedo and a very familiar belt with gold studs and a red P engraved on the top of the buckle at the front. Found this at a weird store. Made me think of you. Good luck, man. Don’t machoke on me, all right?

~Felix

I rolled my eyes at the pun, but it really was thoughtful of him to send me something that reminded me so much of my favorite pokemon. I chuckled and tried it on immediately, of course. The material hugged closely to my frame, and I smiled as I showed off the veins and striations I’d developed in my thighs, torso, and glutes. No matter the angle I took, the underwear fit perfectly. I smirked and struck a pose in front of the mirror, hunching forward as I ground my pectorals together and flexed.

“I’m not a choke. I’m a champ,” I said. I remember that well. I also remember the giddy rush I felt after the fact. I chuckled again and growled out a gravelly, “Chaaaaaaamp,” for extra measure. The belt warmed quickly, and I smiled at how comfortable it had become. The material was so light, it felt like I was wearing nothing at all as I stepped into the hall and progressed to check-in with my other posing straps and speedos for the competition. On top of height and weight, I also had to show them what else I might be wearing for future phases of the competition. On the plus side, the dope test had already been performed, and I passed with flying colors. I offered my CD and picked up the number to attach to my belt. The rest of the process was tedious, but worth it. The prejudging was nerve-wracking, but I think I did well. The faster my heart beat, the more exhilarated I felt. You see, bodybuilders have to keep at least semi-tensed during these examinations, because the judges are watching us the whole time. My research told me most judges choose the winner during this phase, rather than out on the live stage with the audience. I had to stand out with two other men and pose for the judges. With each successive pose, I felt the pump in my muscles growing stronger. Everything felt so taut and vibrant! I could hardly keep still, so I put that energy into maintaining the poses for as long as the judges required. The lat spreads and double bicep poses left me feeling positively euphoric. I swear, I wasn’t on drugs, but it sure felt like I was.

That night, the free-posing round left me even more hyped. My biceps looked like over-inflated footballs. My traps writhed behind my back, causing me to shudder each time I flexed or stretched them. I felt so big. And I reveled in that. My skin was smooth and glistened in the stage lights. I was positively ecstatic when I got called up for the posedown. Me, a rookie! The music faded. The crowd’s cheers faded. Honestly, those moments on the stage still feel more like a dream. I remember transitioning from archer to crab to chest to traps. Every pose, every flex, flowed one into the next. I heard a number, my number.

Sixty-eight. Sixty-eight. Sixty-eight!

It rang in my brain like some sort of chant.

And somehow, I just felt so confident, so powerful, so self-assured. I knew that I was going to win. I knew that I was a champion. That title was going to be mine, and I would always keep it, no matter what anyone else might say against me.

The sensation of a new set of arms growing out of your back is ... difficult to describe. As I said, my body was overriden with a sense of utter pleasure. It was, I guess like I was getting a massage, and every nudge and knead of growth sent surges of heat and pleasure down my shoulders and back, and into my swelling legs. 

That same kneading pulled at my skull as three great fins protruded out the top. I didn’t care. I don’t know if I even noticed. I just had to keep posing. Two hands clenched. Two arms writhed behind as new muscle groups knit together to support the structure of my new anatomy. By this time, the dull cry of the crowd had managed to permeate the fog. I thought I had won, that those screams were cheers.

I soon found out otherwise when I came out of the haze and saw the gaping judges. The music had long since stopped. The crowd stared at me. I stared back. I remember one of my fellow competitors asking me if I was all right, if I was still me. You know the cliche.

I responded in what I thought was perfect English. The step back he took from me indicated otherwise. So, I opted to give him the only sign I could, a thumbs-up.

Only, I did it with my two right hands.

I think that’s when the shock set in properly. Go on, you can say it. I know you’re thinking it. MACHAMP IS CONFUSED!

And I was. My whole body was literally coursing with power and energy, but it wasn’t my body anymore. My legs still moved fine, and I was grateful for that. But I now only had two massive toes. My feet had widened with my stance to make up for all the extra weight on my top and help carry it. I fell the first few times I tried walking. Too easy to lose my balance. But the thing is, it didn’t hurt. I mean, seriously, no pain. Not even a scratch. It was just ... I don’t know, a light tap?

Yes, I know. MACHAMP HURT ITSELF IN ITS CONFUSION. You don’t have to rub it in. Though, like I said before, my fall(s) didn’t really hurt. The audience was speechless. So was I. I mean, what do you say when you spontaneously turn into a pokemon? Other than your name, I mean, obviously. I see you trolls out there! Don’t get any ideas. This is one builder you do not want to mess with. I had to motion for pen and paper. Fortunately, my hands were still just as capable of writing. Machamp is mostly humanoid, barring the weird feet and extra arms. And the whole head fins thing.

On the plus side, I don’t have to worry about shampoo and conditioner anymore. But anyway, yeah, I wrote I was okay, still me, and requested that someone call a doctor, and maybe the police. I had to file a statement, after all, and better to get my name and face out there as soon as possible, rather than give anyone in the government the chance to hush it up and haul me off somewhere for experimentation.

I have been approached asking for consent to that effect, by the way. Being a super strong entity that has superhuman endurance and is capable of taking most any blows, which I assume would include bullets, given the fact my new species can literally take a beam of pure solar fire shot from the blossoms of plant monsters, kinda makes me a hot commodity from a military standpoint. I could be an asset, if I were to consent to serving my country.

Yes, an asset they’d send in as a tank in warfare to be blown up or watch others he cares about get blown to bits in a pointless conflict. No, thank you, Mister President or whatever shadowy aspect of the government is asking. I mean, seriously, it’s not like I could be some sort of super spy with this body and mug. I am literally one of a kind.

And if any foreign actors happen to get any ideas, they should know that I can break out of any prison they try to put me into. I am highly resistant to drugs and poisons, and I don’t give in to blackmail. In short, I’m not going to tolerate any shenanigans, but I’m not going to be a threat to anyone either, except in my capacity as being inexperienced with this body, which is why I am typing this up now as I work out my other arms under careful observation.

I didn’t agree to be the military’s property, but a coalition of biologists and scientists were very anxious to learn about what happened to cause the change, and how my genetics have been altered. They’ve been very helpful, providing me with a synthesizer I can type into to speak for me. It’s designed to fit around my wrist like a brace, and it doubles as a monitor for other readings. Yes, I am still only capable of speaking in what has been dubbed Pokespeak. It sounds normal when it comes out of my mouth, but no human can understand me.

That being said, I’ve made some demands of these scientists, as well as of the nations that are concerned about me as a potential threat. I am to be allowed to see any phase in the experiments, and we are to have round-the-clock security composed of a coalition from each of the nations who are concerned about my “welfare.” There is also going to be an interior security team composed of UN forces to keep the peace. Any blood or tissue samples are never to leave this facility, and are to be destroyed after the tests have been carried out to ensure no one can get hold of my genetic structure to attempt anything.

I’ve already broken several of their measuring machines in regards to testing the strength of my punches. And I found, much to my surprise, that I really can rain a flurry of blows at a pace that’s almost faster than the eye can see. They had to use a slow cam to show the individual strikes. So, that means I’m probably going to have to be registered as a lethal weapon and act accordingly. That’s to be expected, I suppose.

At least I still have my rights as a US citizen, and the UN has offered me proper protections with my visa as I stay here in Switzerland. Overall, it’s turned out a lot better than it could have. Naturally, as a large part of this research, I am allowed to speak with whomever I wish and text, call, video chat, etc. accordingly. It’s not like they can stop me from leaving a session, anyway, if I really want to do something else.

I’ve put in a few more failsafes, just in case anyone tries anything like falsifying videos of me or voice messages. It’s about all I can do for now. Anyway, yeah, that’s where I stand. I guess I really did become a champ, though I don’t think I’ll be able to compete in bodybuilding anymore. On the plus side, with strength like this, I can be my own moving crew or warehouse worker. Just don’t ask me to do any fine tuning. I’m still learning how to coordinate for the more delicate tasks.

The government, naturally, interviewed Felix about the mysterious store and its proprietor, but there was no sign of either. I get the feeling this is one of those things that will likely wind up in the X-files. But hey, gotta look on the bright sight, right? At least I’m still me.

And honestly, I can’t wait to get back to my normal life again.

Beautiful. Totally worth the reblog.

I have been working on this comic “Undergrowth” for the past month and I’m so happy to finally be able to share it with you!! This is the reason I haven’t been posting as much art on tumblr. I was very inspired by people who depict personal growth as a potted plant, and I wanted to do my own take on that idea: I think of it more as an entire forest or ecosystem within a person.

I hope reading this will inspire you to keep improving as a person even though it’s a process that is so difficult and convoluted.

[commission] [ko-fi] [Please do not repost my work!]

Saw a little of this on twitter. So glad to see a fuller version. This is totally worth the reblog.

Parasite and Girl

Since I couldn’t get the old post uncensored, here’s the story again with the same image, which is CLEARLY FINE with tumblr guidelines. Hopefully it won’t get flagged this time.

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Off The Record

Day 1:

Well, here’s day one of my voice journal. I’ve officially been processed and am now a part of the new exchange program between Earth and Braün. My quarters have been set up, and I start my job tomorrow. Since I majored in biology and health sciences on Earth, I’ve been tasked with working at a gym with Braün trainers and dietitians to gain a better understanding of this world’s nutrition and eating habits. Since our two worlds are integrating at such a rapid pace, it’s good for Earth to know what Braünies like and vice versa. I can’t wait to see all the different kinds of cuisine this world has to offer. Who knows? Perhaps some of the food here will have unknown benefits for humans back on Earth. I suppose time will tell. Regardless, it’s definitely exciting.

Day 4:

I’ve gone through orientation and training. The boss has me working the bar for now. The healthy snacks they serve here are really high quality. Fruits, vegetables, smoothies, shakes, all designed with a healthy body in mind. You won’t find any artificial flavors or preservatives here. And they produce all this quality sustainably! I don’t know how they do it! Boss says it’s cheap manual labor from other worlds. Apparently, Earth isn’t the first planet they’ve had contact with that had people who wanted to work here. Go figure. I wonder what happened to them. I asked, but the boss just smiled and said they were around.

Day 6:

I’m really feeling the effects of this world now. I don’t know whether it’s radiation, gravity, or something else, but my body is swelling like there’s no tomorrow. I’ve gotten more than a few compliments from patrons on the changes, and my locker has been equipped with a scanner to check my measurements and dispense a uniform accordingly. I suppose after so many worlds with this effect happening, the Braünies have turned the effects into a system of sorts, or rather have formed a system around the effects. Smart planning on their part.

Day 12:

Can hardly believe so much time has passed. You’d think I would have gotten bored with my job by now, but it’s actually really engaging. Boss gave me some schematics highlighting Braünian anatomy. The similarities between our two races is astounding, though it appears that they have a more advanced culture from an intellectual standpoint. The average  Braüny brain is positively overloaded with furrows, and their neurons fire off at an exceptionally faster rate than the human brain can. It’s fascinating watching the file in slow motion.

Not only that. It’s clear that they have vast differences in their anatomy when it comes to certain glands found within the body and their digestive processes. They are literally able to eat anything they wish and burn the good fuel, while purging the excess. Their livers have a far higher tolerance than the human equivalent and purge the toxins via their sweat glands and other natural means. They can even spew these toxins as an emergency function the way we sometimes spew spit when we hit the gland under the tongue just right, albeit with more force and volume than we generate.

Their pituitary glands are larger than ours, but their skulls have developed in such a manner that this doesn’t prove a hindrance to overall brain function. As a result, these people are able to build muscle and libido at a startling rate. No wonder they look like Adonises. The natural radiation that emanates from this planet’s core has an effect akin to steroids. It forces the body to engage in a rapid form of evolution and regeneration of tissue, be it plant or animal. Think Darwinism at a highly accelerated rate. In short, this planet is a gold mine for anyone looking to heal or recover from serious diseases. The radiation not only kills cells that are cancerous and destroys decaying brain tissue, but forces the body to create new and stronger variations, based on the original template. Apparently, the majority of this world’s vast economic income is a direct result of this natural benefit, though they guard their planet’s ores religiously. They won’t suffer anyone to mine or trade in their minerals, save through the strictest security channels. I can’t really blame them, given the results I’ve seen in my own body over these last couple of weeks. It’s positively fascinating.

I can’t wait to learn more.

Day 20:

I’m so full of energy today. I think I’ve grown a good few inches, and my casual wear had become tight. It won’t be long before my old clothes from Earth are completely useless. Boss and others have noticed and compliment me regularly on my progress. It’s nice to be appreciated. I admit, I’ve been catching glimpses of myself in the mirror on the sly. I’m still not used to the spandex that I have to wear, but it’s not quite so embarrassing to me as it was when I first had to don the material. The rapid growth in tone and mass has certainly helped in that regard.

Day 25:

I’m starting to wonder if the gym owner is using me for eye candy. I’ve seen more than a few customers leer at me on the side when I’ve been making shakes. Nobody’s flirted with me or touched me inappropriately so far, but I wonder how long that might last at this rate. Thank goodness for security cameras. If anybody does try something, I should be able to substantiate my claims.

Day 30:

I’ve brought up my concerns with my boss today. He was actually surprisingly understanding about it. He promised to have a talk with the patrons and put me on towel duty in the locker room in the meantime. I didn’t realize there were so many patrons here. Practically every hamper was full. I suppose it makes sense, though. A lot of people would probably come her to take a short cut to get in shape. Gyms are probably some of the most lucrative businesses a person can own on this world.

I admit I haven’t had much time to focus on my own body yet. There hasn’t really been much of a need with how things have been going, but I can’t help but wonder what might happen if I put in the effort on top of my usual work.

Day 40:

I tried a workout on my last day off. The difference is ... well, it’s incredible. I must have gained at least a good two pounds of muscle mass. The euphoria is incredible. I’d almost go so far as to say orgasmic. Could the radiation be effecting my brain chemistry? Maybe I should get a scan done....

Day 50:

Finally got the results back for my scan. The difference from my arrival to now is night and day. My body is raging with hormones. It’s almost like I’ve entered into a second puberty on overdrive. My pituitary glands are swollen, which explains the minor headaches I’ve been experiencing. Boss has given me a few days off to rest and adapt. Apparently, I’m experiencing their version of The Bends. Parts of my body are essentially pushing too quickly for the rest to catch up. I’m on strict orders for bed rest with no physical exertion of any kind for the next week, until things balance out again.

Fortunately, I won’t have to spend my enforced solitude in complete boredom. Boss was good enough to supply more files on Braüny anatomy and their typical dietary habits, as well as historical documentaries and videos about their cultural and technological development. He’s even got some audio files I can listen to if my headaches become too strong to focus on a screen. What a kind man.

Day 60:

I tried Belaragna today. Think of it like a sort of lasagna, but instead of a meat sauce, there are thin strips of meat cooked within the layers, and the pasta is made from a local vegetable that looks like a potato. Its texture changes in the oven when cooked to become exactly like the stuff from home. It’s incredible! And the sauce! Ohhhh, it is the nectar of the gods. Organic’s got nothing on this world’s produce. Rather than the usual tang you find in tomatoes, this one has a mellow fruity flavor that’s been augmented with a hint of vinegar and dill to pickle it before it’s blended and reduced to a base. This thing is a balanced meal in and of itself.

And then the smoothie! I don’t know how they got it so creamy and smooth, but the drink washed down my gullet before I could blink. I find myself wanting more, and my stomach agrees. Maybe there’s some sort of natural oils or something designed to speed metabolism?

Day 75:

Two and a half months already gone. Time flies way too fast here. I’m learning so much, though. It seems as though the planet was originally colonized by an advanced civilization a long time ago, but something happened to them, and they essentially were wiped from the planet. Eventually, the Braünians evolved from the primordial chaos. There are many instances of slavery throughout their history, but over time, the Braünians appeared to gain the upper hand. These people are exceptionally skilled at adaptation to the point of exceeding the most brilliant minds of their captors within a generation or two and then using that knowledge to free themselves. This pattern of conquest and conquered has repeated in an endless cycle, until the more modern era, where this race decided to start their own exploration and to offer their home world as a gift to others, rather than leave it open to be conquered. After all, if one has many who are interested in protecting the investment this world has to offer, it is far less likely for an enemy to try to take over. It really is a genius strategy, all things considered.

Eventually, they got an intergallactic treaty signed to the effect that they are to be considered a neutral world in which any race may take shelter for healing, training, etc., within reason. No war would be tolerated, however, and any found to be breaking the edicts of this rule would be punished harshly. When they discovered Earth and how readily we adapted to things on this world, of course they were ecstatic to have us. In a way, I suppose we’re kindred spirits. Humanity has faced their own struggles in this regard among themselves over the last several millennia. It’s ingenuity that allows a person to overcome those kinds of troubles and rise to a new plane, or plateau, if you prefer.

Oop, gotta go. Boss is treating me to dinner tonight. He wants to hear what I think of my studies so far.

Day 90:

Time has been passing so quickly! I feel like my brain is in hyper drive. I keep sopping up data and figures like a sponge. I’ve never felt so sharp before. I ask more questions, and Boss keeps offering more material. At this rate, I’m going to need to apply for authorization for membership at the local archives. Boss couldn’t have offered more encouragement if he tried. I love his attitude.

Day 120:

It took a while, but I finally got authorization. It’s astounding how many people were waiting in line. Based on the clothing they were wearing, they were contract workers, like me. I suppose they wanted to find out more about Braün, too. The way some of them limped away, though, I’m pretty sure not everyone was accepted.

I have to access the data in these specialized booths. Kiosks is more accurate, I suppose. I’ve also been given what equates to a data holder arm guard for my forearm. It communicates with the system for me and shows my progress on each of the media. It even has reminders for due dates to return to the kiosks by. Useful little gadget. Love the voice recognition software, too.

Day 140:

I’ve just come across the information on the power supply for this world. Apparently, they use all manual labor to produce it. The men must be absolute titans to be able to endure that kind of abuse for such extended periods. Boss tells me they perform in shifts, so there’s no abuse, just productivity. I still find it odd, though. Then again, with the sheer volume of production this world has in produce, etc., I suppose they can afford that kind of burden without having any major loss. Still, to produce enough energy for a whole world, these people must be beyond anything a normal person could produce.

Day 160:

I caught some customers salivating while I was making their drinks. Maybe they had too much to drink the night before? It helps having a better understanding of Braüny anatomy. Still, I never expected to draw so much attention from customers. I mean, I know I’m stronger now. I’ve been taking a few selfies to document my changes as I grow, but still....

Day 170:

I’ve been reading into how physical exertion affects the body on this world. The cellular reproductive rate makes it so a person can exercise almost every day without fear of the usual slow aching recovery back on Earth. I’ve begun salivating a little more often myself, lately. I wonder if my body is developing a similar system to purge itself of toxin buildup. If so, it could explain some of the more *ahem* aesthetically pleasing changes I’ve experienced. My body can grow uninhibited by the lesser technologies and additives Earth provides. Mmm ... wonder how I’ll look in a couple more months.

Day 180:

Decided to visit a power station today and get to know some of the providers. The lunch room is public territory for visitors and workers alike, so I had the opportunity to approach a few of the men and ask about their experiences.

From what little I was able to get out of them, the work and pay are, “Good. Paid to work out. Living the dream.” They aren’t very big on talking. They hardly seemed to recognize me, really. I suppose they’re just a tight-knit group. Their eyes are glazed over when they look at most of the room, but when they lock gazes with another worker, it’s different somehow. It doesn’t matter what race or species they are. They each seem to communicate on a different level. Perhaps it’s some form of tech they’re fitted with to make the job easier as they cooperate with one another? After all, if they all work together to provide the power, then that means they would need to be able to work in unison, right?

I asked one of the newer employees. He hadn’t quite caught up with the rest of the group yet, so he was more talkative, albeit not quite so helpful. “Uh, ... I guess,” was about all I could get out of him before he took a massive bite out of a burger or patty of some sort. “We just ... sort of do it.” I still remember that guffaw of his. “I don’t really know anything. Just, ... lift n’work. Huhuh. Lift n’work...” I didn’t get much farther than that. One of the behemoths in a larger uniform sat down next to him, and I vacated the vicinity. I noticed a close form of body contact, though, and the two shared their laughter as they ate and conversed about their weights and other duties. I suppose the titan must have been his supervisor or trainer or something. He even shoved another tray full to the brim with food in front of the guy. He didn’t even question it, just dove right in.

I admit, I can sympathize with their need to consume so much food. If they work all day while their metabolisms continue to burn hot, it only makes sense that they’d need a massive amount of calories to fuel their bodies. I’ll also admit, seeing them eating filled me with a certain amount of hunger pains, myself. Maybe I’ll sneak in a few shakes while I’m at work.

Day 195:

Harvest season is coming up. Boss says it’s a time that everyone on the planet enjoys. There is little information on the database about it. Some sort of festival is involved for native culture only. Not even naturalized citizens are allowed to participate. I suppose it has to do with the planet’s heritage. Clients have been pretty tight-lipped when I ask them about it at work. On the plus side, at least we’ll be getting more food soon. I can’t get enough of this planet’s vast and rich abundance of produce. It’s incredible!

Day 210:

I appear to have developed either a photographic or eidetic memory. Travel guides, encyclopedias, history books, science textbooks. It keeps flowing in. I visit the kiosks more and more often. Some days, I don’t even leave the booths. My head keeps clinging to more information. I can name diets, diseases, treatments, natural remedies, battles, conquests, technology, fitness, chemical formulae, important historical figures. So much. So, so much. How far will this go? I ... I don’t want to risk breaking my brain. But ... I can’t seem to stop. I ... I want to listen. I want to learn. I need it almost as much as I need the fourth meal I’ve added to my regimen.

What is happening to me?

Day 230:

I feel so much heavier lately. It’s like the more I absorb up top, the bigger my body gets. My libido is through the roof, and everyone seems to notice. It’s making me exceedingly self-conscious. The scanner in the locker room provides me with new clothing, but I can’t wear anything else now. I can only wear my uniform, because of how quickly I outgrow things. At least the computer on my arm still fits. I guess its designed to adapt. Good thing, too. My voice is so low now! The voice recognition must take a sample from me daily.

Boss has me working out on the floor. I suppose it makes sense. I seem to be bigger than most of the patrons now. I give them the drive to push forward with their own progress. Cleaning the equipment and floors is simple enough, and I usually finish the job quickly. Towel duty is a real chore, though. I can’t begin to tell you the number of times I’ve had to run to the laundry chute and back again.

Things are getting snug behind the drink bar counter, but many patrons still prefer me and my service. I think it’s more my body that must draw them, though. Maybe humans are more attractive for some reason? I don’t know. At this point, I could probably take any one of them on, if they try anything funny, so I let the looks slide.

Day 250:

I’m up to five meals a day now at at least double portions from my original state. At this point, I feel closer to the incredible hulk. It’s so hard to sit there and tend customer orders by the counter. My body wants to move now. I’ve started using the equipment after closing. It’s the only way I can fall asleep at night anymore. That, and the surround sound my bedroom provides.

Day 260:

I’m so tired lately. It’s hard for me to focus some days. I have to read over lines a few times now, before I can get the information to sink in. Not that there’s much more I really have to study on the planet. My body continues to weigh me down, yet there is pleasure in it. The bigger I grow, the more compliments I receive, the greater pleasure I feel. It’s almost like a chain. Almost as if I’ve been ... programmed ... that... [DELETE FILE: Y/N]

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Day 265:

I’m the most popular employee at the gym. Everyone keeps wanting me to serve them. I’m not sure why. Boss just tells me to go with it for now. He’s sure things will die down eventually. I’m not so sure, but he is my employer, and I’m under contractual obligation to serve him and this place for the next year and a third.

The way they chug down their drinks, you’d think their lives depended on it. Boss has to shoo customers away from the counter. It’s sort of funny, in a way, watching them act like that. I don’t know why, but I’ve come to like watching them. They seem so greedy, almost desperate. I’m not sure why.

Day 270:

Harvest is in full swing. The Braünians are all out in force. I remember having to call the police once, when someone plastered a new arrival on the ground at the park. I tore that sucker off the kid and glared him down. He looked high or drunk. It didn’t take long for the authorities to sort things out and cart him away. Since then, Boss has been more protective of me. He says I painted a target across my back when I called that mobber on his BS. Not really sure how or why, unless the guy was part of a gang, but since Boss is Boss, I kind of have to follow his policies as he sees fit, provided they don’t breach my contract. He spots me now, when I work out. Then I do the same for him. I guess it’s cool. He has this weird sort of snort when he breathes in, says it has to do with part of his anatomy. Was that the weird flap I saw without a label on that anatomic diagram, then? I suppose it must be. No other explanation I can think of.

Day 280:

Oh, the pump feels so good. I love my job so much. I don’t know what it is. I just feel ... Idunno, euphoric? It’s so easy to just relax around these people now. I know them by name, and they love hanging out with me by the counter, when they can. Sometimes I just sort of lose myself when I’m making a shake, you know? All that sipping and snorting sort of falls by the wayside and I’m just ... there, you know?

It’s a weird feeling, but ... I like it.

Day 290:

Chowing down more food than ever. My body just won’t stop. It’s like I’m not even driving anymore. I read, but I just get so ... sleepy. It’s like the words don’t even matter anymore. I listen, but the sounds sort of pour through my ears. I guess my brain finally had enough soaking. Needs to be squeezed.

Yeah.

Squeezed. That’s funny.

Huhuh.

Day 300:

Boss pulled me aside today. Told me to take a break. I’ll take that break, all right, break that plateau I’ve been stuck on all week. I’m not done growing yet, not by a long shot.

Oh, that felt so good, just to say it. You can’t even imagine how it feels when it actually happens. I eat, and I grow. I eat, and I grow. I eat, I work, I grow.

And it just ... feels so good.

Day 310:

Bros, I ... I’m so big. So fuckin’ heavy. Can’t ... can’t stop ‘mirin in the mirror. I look back at my old photos and I’m like, who’s this fuckin’ twig, bro? It’s like ... like it’s not even me, y’know? Like ... like, uh ... out of body ... dream ... uh ... you know what I mean, right, bros?

Huhuhuh ... Sorry. Been kinda ... spacin’ out like that lately. S’like ... Idunno, like my thoughts just ... aren’t there anymore, y’know? S’like, all my thinking’s just ... swirling and blending and sucking right out a straw. Hey, just like those shakes i make! Huhuhuh. Yeah. Just like uh, like uh....

...

...

Oh, hey, Boss. ‘Sup? Nah, just finishing my voice journal. S’all good. Nah, I’m finished. Ready to work out?

Sweet!

Day 311:

Got some new bling on my duds today. Big ol’ black n’yellow buckle. Boss says it’s sort of like a weight belt. Keeps an eye on my body, makes sure I don’t overdo it. Like I could overdo anything with guns like these! Still, gotta do what boss says. You know how it is. Told him I didn’t wanna, but he just told me to wait n’see. He kinda stressed the first one a little heavy. Not sure why. Thought he might’ve had a cough or somethin’. He just said forget about it, so that’s what I did. Still kinda weird, though.

...

...

...

Pun...

Oh my....

Huhuhuhuhuhuh-- I’m such a fuckin’ dumbass!

Day 313:

Walked past the embassy today. Saw a big picture of me plastered next to this wimp of a kid. Thing was labeled Before and After. ’N I’m just like, Bro, is that even me? Like ... there must be some kind of mistake, right? ’Cus, like, I don’t remember ever bein’ that small. S’gotta be like, for uh, .... wadaya call it, a comparison. Don’t even look like me.

Huhuh. Yeah. S’not even me. ... Not even me.

DELETE FOLDER: PROGRESS PICS? [Y/N] Y

Not even me....

Day 320:

I keep wondering where all m’bros went. Bar’s so quiet. Boss said harvest’s over, so things’re gonna be sorta ... empty for a while.

...

I like empty.

It’s good ... to be ... Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......

“Good boy. Just relax and let me finish those last few drops of knowledge.... Mmm, what a fruitful venture you were, little tree. You’ll do very well at the power station, won’t you?”

Huhuhuhuhuh.......

INITIATE ADMINISTRATOR OVERRIDE RESET: [Y/N]

Y

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Day 1

Hello, Planet  Braün! ....