Incorrect COD Quotes

Incorrect COD Quotes

Father figure

Price: Y/N, do you see me as a father figure?

Y/N: No, not a father figure. The father figure.

Price: ...excuse me?

Y/N: There's no one else in my life I can tell really fits the role. You have no competition. You're the father figure in my life.

Price: ...

Y/N: ...

Price: *tearing up* W-where are you spending Christmas, kid?

(Y/N): *Points at Price* Mum

Price: Wh-

(Y/N): *Points at Ghost* Dad

Ghost: …

(Y/N): *Points at Gaz* Favourite cousin

Gaz: :)

(Y/N): *Points at Soap* the sibling that’s only there because your parents threatened to ground you if you didn’t take them with you

Soap: WHAT?!

(Y/N): *Points at Alejandro* the cool uncle

Alejandro: *shrugs with a smile*

(Y/N): *Points at Rudy* the sweetheart cousin that you can never really be mad at no matter what

Rude: :D

(Y/N): *Points at Valeria* That one aunt who doesn’t work but has a suspicious amount of money

Valeria: true…

Soap: *huffs* And what does that make you?

(Y/N): The one who knows all the tea and uses it to create drama

Soap: WHY IS MINE THE WORST?!

(Y/N): *shrugs*

Soap: *starts arguing*

(Y/N): *Watches the chaos unfold with a grin*

Ghost: *groans* fuckin’ hell…

Soap: I don't think we can mansplain, manipulate or malewife our way outta this one Lt.

Ghost: *reloads weapon*

Ghost: Manslaughter it is

Thank God Simon rarely gets sick because he gets so annoyed with everything when he is. Hates how his illness gets in the way of his daily routine and tasks. Like, he‘ll still try to go on his morning run but stops himself when he gets dizzy. Goes back to bed cursing the world under his breath.

Until you came along, whenever Simon would get sick, he'd get pissy, crank the heat up in his place, and bury himself under every blanket and comforter he owned to sweat it out.

With you, he... still gets pissy and buries himself under all the covers like some blanket gremlin. You refuse to crank the heat up, though. You also probably won't see Simon a lot unless you catch him going to the bathroom or... that's about it lmao. You'll come in, leave food and something to drink on the nightstand, and come back to empty dishes.

You go in to give him some medicine and, blanket gremlin that he is, you'll only see Simon's arm come out. Put the medicine in his hand and he'll hold on to your hand for a bit before his arm retreats and you hear a muffled and raspy, "Thanks, luv."

You're welcome, little blanket gremlin.

Ghost: Aw, you still listen to boy bands? Cute.

Y/N: Shut up, boy. You look like you listen to Boulevard of Broken Dreams just so you can imagine angsty scenarios.

Soap: *Snort*

Y/N: You shut up too. You look like your favorite song is Stacy’s Mom because it makes you think of when you shagged your teacher at the end of your sixth year and then bragged about it.

Gaz: *Trying not to laugh*

Y/N: I better not hear you either. I know for a fact you’re in the 1% of listeners of Weird Al on Spotify.

Price: *Tired old man sigh*

Y/N: Don’t even. Your favorite songs are The Wreck of The Edmund Fitzgerald and Sink the Bismarck and all that tells me is that your hyper-fixation is shipwrecks.

Please don’t take this serious: Would Simon let us stack donuts on it?

And make a donut tower using Little Lt. Riley?!—"Far from little, luv."

The answer is... no.

Because he'll eat them all before you can even tell him the real reason why you bought them in the first place.

But when you do tell him the real reason why you got the donuts, cue the Bombastic Side-eye™. After he's eaten them.