When The Hoe Who Made You Hate Yourself Tries To Come Back Into Your Life

When the hoe who made you hate yourself tries to come back into your life

houses going through rebellious high school phases

gryffindo

fights anyone

always wearing merch (tshirts, beanies, wristbands)

interrupts the teacher with dick jokes

skips class to take a train or bus anywhere

redyes hair every second week, bright af colors

multiple lip/ eyebrow piercings

constantly making kms jokes

still listens to my chemical romance and will mug anyone who judges them

splashes water over toilet cubicle walls and giggles

“did you do your homework?” “what homework?”

asks sad people if they’re okay

makes everyone do shots at parties but takes ten years to drink their own

PARTIES.

tries to drag their wallflower ravenclaw friend everywhere

cruisers and beer

aggressive facebook posts

panic at the disco.

hufflypuff

septum piercing

chokers

flannels and chunky boots

“wtf is math”

“why do we even need to know this shit”

glares really hard at slow readers

skips class to smoke weed behind the school

or sleeps with their face attached to the desk

colorful artwork hidden in their artbook

schoolbooks are full of worksheets they’ll never finish 

liked halsey, martinez and matd before they were cool

unironically listens to vaporwave

memelords and queens

emotionally plays piano when no ones around to hear them fuck up bc embarassing but

will totally play for their punkass slytherin friend

drinks with friends over going to parties anyday

clings to a bottle of vodka when they do go to parties

doodles all over their exam papers and likes drawing on the whiteboard

twenty one pilots.

ravencloogle

dark lipstick

lowkey fashionistas but will also show up in trackpants and tshirts with half-did hair

always correcting the teacher or finding ways to humiliate them

cheats on tests bc they spent their prep time writing/ reading gay porn

starts shit with everyone to polish their insulting skills

legitimately terrified of family gatherings

black nail polish

has loud gryff friend that they tolerate bc they’re cute

listens to music when they breathe

their bones are made of musical talent, true fact

reckless driver but still obeys all the laws

took some form of martial arts as a kid so is able whoop ass when ass whooping is needed

super smart in elementary, is now riddled with the anxiety to succeed

possibly skipped a grade and has to deal with their friends making fun of them for being younger

makes out in stairwells

cries in them too

do not approach when mad, aggresive rambling with lots of long words

nirvana.

snyzzerin

pastel/white hair

flower crowns (not real flowers tho)

skips school to go shopping

heLLA CONTOURING SKILLS

professional at cheating on tests

spits on people

“it’s not a phase mom”

drinks alcohol straight. like people are scared of them bc where the fuck did all the whiskey go

smokes

has already been suspended, to juvy and to a mental hospital once or twice

lone wolf but

has a pure af hufflepuff friend that gives them bandaids if they get into a fight

video games

standing up for people who can’t defend themselves

always in the principals office

likes to steal earphones and candy

“well fuck you” “because fuck you” and “fuck you”

the one behind all the really rude nicknames (that everyone uses) for teachers

shit talks a lot but feels bad about it inside

movie soundtracks

Shuri when she finds out Peter fought Capt: How did you take down Captain America?

Peter in a terrible German Accent: I shot him in Zee legs because his shields zee size of a dinner plate, and he’s an idiot.

Steve: *looks down sadly at his shield*

Tony, dispite still not understanding that refrence:

gosh but like we spent hundreds of years looking up at the stars and wondering “is there anybody out there” and hoping and guessing and imagining

because we as a species were so lonely and we wanted friends so bad, we wanted to meet other species and we wanted to talk to them and we wanted to learn from them and to stop being the only people in the universe

and we started realizing that things were maybe not going so good for us– we got scared that we were going to blow each other up, we got scared that we were going to break our planet permanently, we got scared that in a hundred years we were all going to be dead and gone and even if there were other people out there, we’d never get to meet them

and then

we built robots?

and we gave them names and we gave them brains made out of silicon and we pretended they were people and we told them hey you wanna go exploring, and of course they did, because we had made them in our own image

and maybe in a hundred years we won’t be around any more, maybe yeah the planet will be a mess and we’ll all be dead, and if other people come from the stars we won’t be around to meet them and say hi! how are you! we’re people, too! you’re not alone any more!, maybe we’ll be gone

but we built robots, who have beat-up hulls and metal brains, and who have names; and if the other people come and say, who were these people? what were they like?

the robots can say, when they made us, they called us discovery; they called us curiosity; they called us explorer; they called us spirit. they must have thought that was important.

and they told us to tell you hello.

“Go ahead and introduce yourself.”

“My name is Michael with a B and I’ve been afraid of insects my entire life–”

“Stop, stop, stop. Where?”

“Hmm?”

“Where’s the B?”

“There’s a b e e… ? ?”

oh gods my boyfriend isn’t home and I forget the english word for this thing and it’s bAD he usually helps but i cAN’T