Namjoon X Reader: Ghost Of You

Namjoon x Reader: Ghost of You

⚠️ Warning: This is just despair and goes spiralling down. Major character death, indication of bad mental health, depression and suicide. Read at your own discretion.

Summary: He thought you were doing well. Maybe he was too busy to see through the facade you built for the world, or maybe you were too good at doing it.

A/n: This is just a coping mechanism of the blow to the heart that I received today.

W/c: 2.1k

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"Young blood thinks there's always tomorrow"

The songs resonated through the little mikrokosmos speaker that Namjoon had bought the mood light set to the specific light that you loved. He sat on your high back chair that you always sit on, smiling at the ceiling watching the lights move. He closed his eyes..

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10 months Ago

There you were sitting on the bed hair messy, your specs rested right on the bridge of your nose. You intently looked at the screen eyebrows in a frown. "Hey baby" Namjoon cooed, but there was no response, as he walked closer he realised why, he noticed the little bobs of your head as music played through your airpods. He slowly walked behind you and hugged your back. "Fuck!" You exclaimed on being startled but immediately eased at the familiar feeling and the warmth creeping onto you from him. "How long were you here?" You asked him, pulling out one of the earbuds. "Not that long" he said, pulling you into him, you turned yourself in an angle so that you could rest your head on his chest.

"How much longer would you need?" He asked. "Not much, just 20 minutes and I'll be done" you said. "Then complete it, I'll order some food and set up the couch and we can watch a movie" he said and you nodded.

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8 months ago

"You look tired, aren't you sleeping well?" He asked when you yawn for the 4th time in the past 5 minutes. "No, I just had a lot of work to do, it's okay I'll catch some sleep later, you'll spend the night at the studio right?" You said pouting. And he nodded, "Yoongi hyung said we'll need to complete the tracks today itself". "It's okay baby" you said, snuggling further into him. "I'll be busy for the next week too" he said "If we could just you know-" he stopped in the mid way, you knew what he was talking about. "I've told you Joon, that we can't move in yet, you still stay at the dorm. You do know that my sister and Yuki both come to my house often, what will I tell them if we move in? I can't hide your existence from your house" you scolded him and it's his turn to pout. You and Namjoon have been in a relationship since the past 3 years, and it was strictly prohibited by the company that Nobody, not even your friends or family could know. So half of your friends think this whole boyfriend may be made up, and the rest suspect you are dating a ghost. But, you didn't mind as long as you had Namjoon by your side. The only down hill was that Namjoon wanted you to move in with him, but you couldn't because it would complicate things. That was the last thing you wanted to happen between Namjoon and you.

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6 months ago

You were startled by a knock on your door, you looked at the time and it was 11:00pm. You splashed your face with water and were wiping it, while contemplating if you should open the door at this hour. That was when you received a text from Namjoon to open the door and you realised it was your boyfriend at the door.

You opened the door and he walked in and hugged you, placing a kiss on your lips and forehead. "I thought it was some creep knocking on my door at 11 at night" you joked and he hugged you tighter. "Tired?" You asked and he groaned. He has been promoting and practicing non-stop for the next BTS world tour. The tour's gonna be bigger this time round. "I wish you could just come with me" he groaned again into your shoulder. "I wish I could but I can't, I can't explain to my mom why I will be touring the world for 3 months with this boyfriend whom she hasn't even seen" you laughed, patting his head. And he held you tighter.

_____________________________________

4 months ago

"Are you sure you're okay?" Namjoon asked and you nodded. "Yeah Joon, I just don't want to go out" you said, and he nodded his head in understanding. "It's okay, let's order in" he said and sighed as you cuddled deeper into him.

_____________________________________

Another day 4 months ago

"Did you eat lunch?" He asked through the phone, "yeah~" you said. The tone seemed different, and Namjoon knew you were lying. "Y/n?" He called your name and you knew you were caught. You could never lie to him. "I wasn't that hungry, I'll eat something in a bit" you promised.

_____________________________________

3 months ago

"I'm always a call away" he said and kissed your forehead. He was on his way to the airport but he made a quick stop at your place. You nodded and sniffed trying to keep the tears at bay. "Eat well and sleep well" he said and you nodded. "You too, take care and don't overwork yourself" you said "take care of the boys as well" you said as the two of you kissed. Him leaving for tours has been a common thing by now, but this time it all felt too difficult. He just couldn't bring himself to let you go. "Joon? Your phone is ringing" you said, and pulled it out to see Jin's name flashing. "You have to go," you said, almost snatching the words from his mouth. He nodded, he kissed you for the last time and hugged you tight.

"I'll see you the moment I get back, okay?" He said. And you nodded and waved him bye.

_____________________________________

2 weeks into the tour

Namjoon has never regretted anything in his life as much as his decisions. He couldn't shake off this feeling that something is wrong back there, with you. You've been so out of it recently. Barely answering his calls, you've been avoiding his video calls with various excuses and he keeps feeling this dread.

"Maybe you're overthinking?" Hoseok suggested and Namjoon shrugged. "I hope so," Namjoon said. "Try to call her often, if she doesn't want to video call try to get her on it but don't force her give her time" Yoongi said. Yeah, only BTS themselves were acquainted with you. They are all concerned because they all knew you, growing up with troubles you've always had lots of struggles. But with the help of your surroundings and Namjoon you were doing much better.

Namjoon just regretted leaving you alone back there, he wished he would have tried to make some arrangement with the company to bring you on tour. It didn't help that he missed you like crazy.

_____________________________________

3 weeks into tour

"Finally, you accepted my video call," he said, and you smiled. "I miss you, I've been really busy, I barely had time" you said, "I miss you too, are you wearing make-up?" He asked. You nodded and said "I'm going out with Yuri, she'll be here soon" you said and smiled. "At Least you found some time to show me your face," he said, showing his dimples. "I wanted to say that I love you Joon, so so much and you must take care of yourself and don't worry, okay. Everything will be fine. I love you" you said. "I love you too, babe. Please take care" he said. "Yuri must almost be here. I'll hang up, take care. Always remember I am always with you, I love you, Kim Namjoon" you said and waved and hung up. Namjoon felt glad to finally see you but your words were stuck in his mind.

The next day he texted you and waited for your text, which never came. He thought you were probably out till late and slept, or tired or busy.

"She must just be busy, she'll surely reply to you" Hoseok assured him. Even Namjoon himself was dead tired, doing shows in different cities and more schedules.

_____________________________________

2 months ago (2nd week)

It's been a week since he last spoke to you or even got the time to text you. He's been on schedules and concerts non-stop. Now when he realised, he felt extremely guilty. You didn't pick up his calls or reply to his texts, maybe you were angry. He will make it up to you for sure, once he goes back.

"I need more time, but time can't be borrowed"

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2 months ago (3rd week)

"It's been more than a week hyung. She still hasn't replied" he said. "She's probably angry and busy" Jin said and shrugged. "It's fine, don't you have anybody else's number?" Hoseok asked gulping his sprite and Namjoon shook his head a No. "You dated for 3 years and you don't have any of her friend's or family's number?" Jimin asked in shock. "Nobody was supposed to know, so she never told anyone. And I never got the chance. The only people who know are the pr team, Hitman Bang and you guys" he said and they all frowned.

_____________________________________

2 months ago (4th week)

Still no reply.

Your only social media, Instagram, had no activity. Namjoon was now desperate, he even asked Hitman Bang to send someone to your flat but your neighbor said, they haven't seen you in days and your apartment was locked from outside.

Namjoon kept trying to contact you, but to No avail. He has to wait 2 more weeks until he can reach Korea. He'll first go home, he remembered he had a package from you once and you sent it from you home, it might have your address if he can find the box. He'll immediately go to find you, it was his (and even the rest of BTS who promised to help him) topmost mission.

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1 month ago

He reached the dorm, and checked he had mail. One box caught his eye and he picked it.

"To Joon" the box said and he knew the handwriting like second nature. He dropped his bags as the other members piled in and went to their respective rooms. Namjoon dropped his bags and rushed to his room. He ripped the package open, it had your favourite plushie inside it and a journal, your old journal that you had stopped writing for a while, or so he thought. Dread filled every sense of his and overflowed. His hands shook as he picked the notebook and found a page marked, tears brimming his eyes, as he read page after page of entries. The page was marked at 6 months ago, the previous ones were much much older. The words crushed him, how he failed to notice all the pressure that was piling up on you. How he failed to notice the tears that you hid from him, the sleepless nights you passed up saying you were working. The spiral you tried so hard to come out of slowly pulling you back into it. All the small triggers that added on and on until you were back to square one. But this time around you hid all of it.

He dropped on the ground when he realised how his absence overweighed on all those pressure. The self doubt and hate you were goin through. Your pain. The last page has one entry, "don't tell them, it won't do any good. And don't even dare to blame yourself. THIS is all on me."

As if on cue Hoseok rushed into the room with his tablet a news article in hand, he noticed the notebook, the plushie and Namjoon tear filled eyes on the ground. "Oh no Namjoona, I'm so sorry" he said and hugged his mate.

Namjoon shook his head and read the article it was almost 1 month old, "Y/n L/n a resident of ABC complex, fell from the 15th floor passed away on spot. An investigation was held but upon seeing the fact that she was wearing make up, was well dressed and lack of any sucide note, the case was ruled out as an accident……" he couldn't read anymore. He sobbed out loud in Hoseok's arms.

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The others had pulled some string and found out where you were buried and they all had visited you. They all shed tears that day except Namjoon. He was sad and angry at himself and you. You always tried to take on everything on your own, even though he had told you not to.

He now realised all the hidden messages between the things you said. And what you said, that day.

"Always remember I am always with you, I love you, Kim Namjoon"

_____________________________________

"I know you crossed a bridge that I can't follow"

He opened his eyes as a tear slipped his eye. He glanced at the clock it said 12.00am. "Happy Birthday Y/n" he whispered in the air.

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Masterlist

Taglist: @bbl32 @back2bluesidex @cherryblossom-2004

Gege ;)))

When you suddenly call him "Gege" (Chinese line)

Seventeen x Reader

(established relationship)

Jun

He would be surprised but not shocked. Being with you, he is used to your random tactics. He will act very cool and prolly go "mei-mei" (sister) when you suddenly call him "Gege" (similar to Oppa). Don't be fooled though his insides are melting into a mush. He can't help but chuckle when you try to proceed further in your broken chinese. "I think you should stick to Gege, I like it" he'd say with a shit eating grin.

Minghao

"Gege" you called, looking at him as he was too busy looking at the menu for a moment. "I'm sorry what?" He asked looking at you wide eyed. "Gege" you repeated and blood rushed to his cheek as he bit a smile and looked away and then looked at you. "You're watching way too many Chinese dramas" he said shaking his head as you whispered "gege" again, making an innocent face and he blushed more with an "aish jinja". You smiled at the effect you have on him. "You need to give me a warning before pulling these antics. I almost kissed you, then and there" he said later as you two exited the restaurant. "We'd prolly get thrown out" you said "but it would be worth it" you said and the two of you laughed.

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Masterlist

I swear to god.

I WILL CRY

━☆ first kiss with seventeen: wonwoo

♡ first kiss with seventeen series ♡ masterlist ♡

paring: wonwoo x reader

warnings: kissing, fluff

wordcount: 1.1k

you've always been a romantic. okay, maybe a hopeless romantic. and reading all the romance books that you did definitely did not help at all. in fact, it made you even more hopeless.

and with all the kiss scenes you read, it only made you wonder what it would be like to kiss wonwoo. you and him had taken things slow and you were more than happy. but once in a while the thought of wanting to kiss wonwoo, a real kiss crept up into your mind. you'd made up countless scenarios in your head about it and just thinking about it made you want to kick your feet in the air and punch a pillow. so how exactly did you end up being pinned to the wall by wonwoo?

it's only when you come back to your room after having to go receive a parcel that you find the book that you were reading in wonwoo's hands. normally you wouldn't mind but you had stopped midway during a kiss scene, and somehow the thought of wonwoo reading that made you shy for no reason. you observe wonwoo as he reads the words on the pages and he looks up, noticing you. “i didn’t realize kisses in books were so dreamy”, he says as he hands the book over to you when you step closer to him.

“yeah, they kinda are. some of them are really cute and sweet”, you say, trying not to sound like a hopeless romantic as you tell wonwoo. “some are really really cute”, you emphasize, sitting down, thinking about all the cute kiss scenes you’ve practically engraved in your mind. “do you want to recreate it?”, he asks, without skipping a beat, making you blink up at him, processing what he just said.

“what?”, you ask again and he pushes his glasses up his nose bashfully before repeating, “do you want to recreate it, the kiss scene?”.

you blink up at him like a deer caught in headlights and the thought of it makes you smile but you try to hold it in. but wonwoo doesn’t miss the way the corners of your mouth lift up.

“love?”, he prompts again tilting his head to the side as he observes you.

“really?”, you finally ask softly as you stand up. and he nods. “tell me baby, anything you want”, he encourages, noticing how shy you’ve suddenly gotten.  so wonwoo decides to take matters into his own hands.

wonwoo reaches out his hand and takes the book from your hands, opening the page to the kiss scene he read earlier. his brows are slightly furrowed as he reads the scene and then looks back up at you. he puts the book back down on the bed before walking over to the door. “what are you-“, you don’t finis your sentence as wonwoo proceeds to lean against the door frame, crossing his arms over his chest.

“hi”, he says, saying the same line the character in the book had said. you let out a soft laugh as you walk closer to wonwoo, standing in front of him. “hi”, you say and he smiles sweetly back at you. he moves off the doorframe and steps closer to you, reaching out as his arms caress your waist, gently pulling you closer towards him. and before you know it, wonwoo spins you around and pinned against the wall.

“wonwoo”, is all you can mumble as you look at him, before breaking eye contact and looking down, getting flustered. he was so close, so so close that you were pretty sure wonwoo could hear how fast your heart was beating right now. his thumb brushes against your chin as he tilts your head up to look at him. “you’re making me nervous”, you mumble in a whisper as your hands lay loosely around his neck. his hand moves up to cup your cheek as his thumb gently caresses your cheek softly looking at you, never once breaking eye contact, which was making you even more nervous.

“am i doing okay as the role of a book boyfriend so far?”, he asks and you almost chuckle at his questions. “y-yeah you’re doing exceptionally well”, you reply softly, getting distracted by the sight of his lips that are so so close.

“someone’s getting impatient i see”, he teases you, when he sees where your gaze is, making you bite your lip and give him a small glare, which makes him chuckle.

he leans in and your eyes flutter shut, and you’re waiting in anticipation but it’s only when you peek one eye open that you see wonwoo is looking at you with a stupid silly smile on his face.

“wonwoo!”, you whine, protesting. “baby, you’re so cute right now”, is all he tells before pecking your cheek. “i'm just doing what i read, trying to act out a book boyfriend now and you’re going to get mad at me?”, he asks playfully.

“but that wasn’t in the scene, you’re just being a tease”, you complain and the sound of his chuckle is like music to your ears, you can’t even be mad anymore.

he kisses your cheek again and looks at you before finally closing the gap between your lips as he kisses you. it’s a gentle, soft kiss and he pulls away a little too soon for your liking, making you pout in confusion.

“that wasn’t a kiss”, you tell and he just looks at you. “care to show me how a kiss is then?”, he asks softly, whispering against your lips and that’s all you need to pull wonwoo forward by the collar of his shirt and kiss him again. he slowly moves his lips against yours and if wonwoo wasn’t holding you, you’re sure that you’d melt in his arms right that moment. his hand encircles your waist tighter, pulling you closer as he kisses you a little deeper, with a dizzying passion.  his lips were soft against yours and when you pull away, you were breathing a bit hard, trying to catch your breath as you look at wonwoo, who was still so close to you, his nose brushing against yours.

“so", he starts. "how would you rate me on a scale of one to ten for being a book boyfriend”, he asks, making you smile as you lean your head back against the wall, looking up at him.

“eleven out of ten, you make the perfect book boyfriend….and the best part? you’re all mine”, you tell and he grins, leaning in to capture your lips once again.

taglist: @daisycheols @naaaaafla @joshuaahong @slytherinshua @fairyhaos @rubywonu @wqnwoos @wheeboo @icyminghao @kyeomyun @minhui896 @gam3bo1z @graybaeismytae @musingsofananxiouspotato @thehao8 @cheiyoma @keiyx @novalpha @fallingforshua29 @txtandroll @nishloves @kokoiinuts @writingsbybirdie @hauvits @jennimisu @dahliatopia @prpldahy @ryujineebae @onedumbho3 @weird-bookworm @yo-wassup-boi @idubiluv and @odxrilove - tysm for beta reading this for me <3

drop an ask or comment if you want to be added to the taglist for this series!

It sent me banging my fist on the table cute

you nailed it!

pairing: minghao x gn!reader genre: fluff, established relationship word count: 1k warning(s): none

summary: minghao notices your newly-painted nails and ends up having his nails painted by you, discovering an interest of yours along the way.

from the universe of i don’t understand (but i love you) and (pretty) hungry, but can be read as a standalone!

“Did you paint your nails?” Minghao raises his eyebrows in surprise from his spot on your shared bed the moment you walk into the bedroom.

You break out into a huge smile the moment you hear the question, touched that Minghao noticed the small change immediately. Skipping over to his side of the bed, you hold out both your hands for Minghao to see. “Yes! Mieun helped me with it. Aren’t they pretty?”

Chuckling softly at your excitement, Minghao takes your hands in his softly as he examines your nails with an awed expression.

“They are, love*,” Minghao smiles and looks into your eyes with so much adoration, enunciating the last word with such great precision, just like you taught him. Struck by an idea, you beam even brighter at him, maneuvering the position of your hands so the back of Minghao’s palms are now faced up.

“Baobei**…” you begin, your thumbs rubbing Minghao’s fingers as he looks up at you in anticipation from his seat on your shared bed. “What do you think about getting your nails painted too?”

Minghao’s eyes widen in surprise at the attention suddenly turning onto him. Upon processing your words, he breaks out into a soft smile, absolutely endeared by you.

“Hm…” Minghao pretends to think, “Do you think it’d look good on me?”

“Are you kidding? Of course it will!” you reply animatedly, removing your hands from Minghao’s grasp, to his dismay. “What colour do you want? I have a whole set, it’s in the living room right now-”

“Relax, love,” Minghao chuckles, reaching to take your hands in his again. “You can choose for me.”

The huge smile that spreads across your face makes Minghao practically take a mental screenshot. If he knew the topic would excite you so much, he would’ve brought it up a long time ago.

Letting out an excited “okay!”, you pull Minghao off his spot on your shared bed and drag him to your living room, and he watches in pure adoration as you rummage through the cabinets for your manicure tools.

“Here they are!” you exclaim in a singsong voice, holding up your manicure box proudly for Minghao to see, and he swears his heart stopped beating for a split second. It’s been almost two years since the two of you had started dating, but you never fail to warm the insides of his heart.

“What about… red and black? They’ll look so good on you,” you muse, more to yourself than to Minghao, as you hold up your red and black nail polish to put next to Minghao’s nails for comparison. Minghao looks upon the situation and finds himself increasingly unable to hide his glee at the pure excitement and joy emanating from you. If sunshine was a person, he’s convinced you’re it.

“Red and black it is, then, love,” Minghao reaches up to boop your nose, a lovesick grin spreading across his face as you scrunch your nose and beam back at him in reply.

You get to work immediately, brows furrowed in concentration as you prepare his nail bed for painting and subsequently apply the black and red polish in an alternating manner. All the while, Minghao’s eyes never leave your concentrated expression, his heart swelling at the sight of you so focused on painting his nails.

“I didn’t know you liked painting nails,” Minghao chuckles, watching your expression closely. You briefly glance up and look into his eyes with a small smile before going back to work.

“My friends from my hometown and I used to help each other paint our nails all the time,” you smile at the memory, and Minghao’s expression falters ever so slightly at the mention of your hometown. It’s almost as if you can feel it, as you follow up immediately, “But I found Mieun, so it’s okay!”

“I can do it too,” Minghao pipes up, and you tilt your head in confusion at his words.

“I mean,” Minghao clears his throat, “you could teach me how to paint your nails, and we could help each other.”

You break out into a huge grin in response, on the verge of tearing up at his kindness. “Thank you, Baobei.”

Minghao smiles, reaching forward to press a soft kiss on your cheek. “Thank you for being with me, love.”

The rest of the session goes by with comfortable silence, you working on Minghao’s nails with a newfound concentration as he unabashedly stares at your face the entire time, taking in your focused expression. He doesn’t even realise you’ve finished until you start snapping your fingers in front of him, to which he jolts in surprise, eliciting a few giggles from you (to his delight).

“What do you think?” you put your hands together in anticipation for his response, gesturing with your eyes for him to look at the finished product. Minghao does just that, and you don’t miss the way his eyes brighten just the slightest at your handiwork, a small smile creeping onto his face.

“It’s beautiful, love,” Minghao exhales, turning to look at you. “Thank you.”

You beam at him in response, reaching for your phone to take a few pictures of Minghao’s newly-painted nails. “I have to send this to Seokmin. He’s been asking for opinions on whether he should paint his nails.”

Minghao wraps a hand around your wrist, stopping you from sending the pictures to Seokmin. “Why don’t you… recommend him a nail parlour to go to instead?”

You tilt your head in confusion. “But, I can just paint his nails, can’t I?”

Minghao’s face lightens up, having thought of what he thinks is a brilliant idea. “You could teach me how to paint someone’s nails, and I could do it for Seokmin.”

You let out a chuckle at Minghao’s adamant behaviour, but concede anyway. Minghao lets out a sigh that goes unnoticed by you.

He’d be damned before he’s admitting that he unabashedly wants you to paint his and his nails only.

*: love — supposed to be a translation of the word in the reader’s native language, but can also be taken as the English term of endearment (if that makes sense)

**: Baobei (宝贝) — Chinese term of endearment for “baby” or “love”.

an: can you tell that i love them

taglist (send an ask to be added!): @slytherinshua @xomingyu @belladaises @pepperonidk @tastymintchocolate @dahliatopia @kwantaro

masterlist

Me: Jian Cheng, touch some grass buddy. Chillax 🤷🏻‍♀️

Wei Wuxian: Chillax!

Jiang Cheng: That's not a word!

Wei Wuxian: Sometimes those who deny chillax are the ones who need to chillax the most.

Cities and Nights

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