O H, I Dont Have Cooking Experience :(

O h, I don’t have cooking experience… :(

how to cook a (normal) patapon, a guide

you ever find a suspicious sprout in your yard? or hell, even caught some strange eyeball creatures? congrats, you found one of natures strangest invasive pests thats actually flavorable to eat!

although many are confused about what to do with Patapons (Patapokon D.), one of the recommended ways is to actually cook them! its rather easy, once you know whats tasty and whats not!

(SMALL NOTE) this guide is only for those of Patapokon Donnatapon, or simply referred to as "normal pons" or "plain pons". other patapon subspecies have other range of defenses that you can discover in other blogposts! for normal patapons, unlike other subspecies, they dont have any toxins. the only way they can fight back is with small bites; they wont do any critical damage! itd simply just heal away in a day or so.

STEP ONE

the most important thing to do first is to sadly put them out of their misery. unlike other animals, a simple hit to their bodies with a large item (such as a hammer or butcher knife) will make them explode. the recommended way to do this, without causing a mess, is putting them in the freezer for roughly 15 hours. this results in the patapons dying a peaceful death, and their bodies being frozen enough to mess around.

after you are done, check the pons bodies for any mites or flith. once succeeded, proceed to step two.

STEP TWO

get out a knife (butterknife or a smaller, normal kitchen knife will do) and a cutting board. once the pon is on the cutting board, start cutting around the eyeball and cut the roots connecting the eyeball to the body. pull out the eye and put it in a bowl, repeat this if you have plenty of patapons. put the eyes back in the fridge for 15 hours.

with the eyes gone, next cut off the limbs and push them aside. after youre done with that, put the pons bodies within a mortar bowl (if you dont have one, either a plastic one or the same cutting board will do), and begin to smash the bodies together with either a pestel or gloved hands.

continue to crush them until you feel the body become something close to batter, and then pour in another bowl and keep inside a fridge for 15 hours or less.

STEP THREE

after waiting, take out the eyes and smushed up bodies out of the fridge. take out a cutting board and take the eyes, and start cutting them into four slices like an apple. after that, put the eye slices on a baking pan and bake for 420 degrees and 25 minutes.

once done, take out the eyes and set them to cool. when the mushed pons are a bit warm, you are free to put in butter, flour, sugar, two eggs, and a spoonfull of water. mix them up until you get a then creamy substance.

when the eye slices are cooled down, place on a plate. if you have a piping bag, you can insert the creamy mushedup pons inside and place it in the middle of the plate. adding salt or parmesan is optional.

and ta-daaa! you have your meal! itd taste strangely fruity, but i guess thats the appeal of it! just dont tell your friends those slices are eyeballs.

Lmao imagine if Gorl had his own NFT collection lmao 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

lol

okay kuwagattan we gotta get our yaoi asses outta here

the hell have I created? so like I tried to do a what if and think “hmm, what if Patapon had a Dingo Picture Movie?”. Here you go. This looks like some bargain bin Famicom Bootleg of Patapon where it’s just a rom hack of some random obscure Japanese Game lmao.

Uhh idk what to put here but yeah.

also yes Goruru did ask Aimen for feet pics.

What would I be lol?

theres maybe three kinds of patapon fans; the jokers, the cutesy-ers, and then crazy people) (me