Hes So Fucking Cool

he’s so fucking cool

The impact of Buldak

i've had a hard time these days but i should be able to work some more on my jimin bar au one shot & hopefully upload this week!! :")

jungkook doing some boxing~

RM Live in New York @ Dia Beacon

𝓟𝓪𝓼𝓽, 𝓟𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓮𝓷𝓽, 𝓟𝓻𝓸𝓶𝓲𝓼𝓮 🔞

(Idol!Yoongi x Ex!Reader)

.｡.:✽It's been years, and the fact that so little has changed hurts him more than anything ever could. Are you still waiting for him?

.｡.:✽Tags: Reignited love AU, Exes to lovers, hurt and comfort, angst, slight Tsundere Yoongi?, romance, adult themes, vanilla smut and it's also not that descriptive, emotional Yoongs

.｡.:✽Story type: Oneshot

.｡.:✽Note: Flashback || Present

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"Yoongi~!" you whine, happily wiggling your feet while he puts the slightly crumpled plastic bottles he'd filled with hot water underneath your legs. They're safely tucked into a cheap sleeping bag he'd bought a few months ago in preparation for winter- he knows you get cold easy, and you also get sick just as quickly. Yet you never complain, never ask him to do anything he doesn't like, simply happy with being with him. "You're the sweetest boyfriend ever, you know that?" you giggle, while he tucks the blanket around your body with a rather stoic face, shrugging.

"How long did you get time off?" he instead asks, taking off his socks and pants before he slips underneath the blankets as well, next to you.

"Hmm, just tomorrow. That's fine though." you mumble, sleepily, rather cuddling closer to him than anything else. "The restaurant is busy these months, so if I work hard the next few weeks, the tip will be good."

"You should take more time off." Yoongi scolds gently. "You've been working non-stop."

"Well, it pays rent though." you shrug, chuckling. He tenses up next to you- something that doesn't get unnoticed. He's been hard on himself ever since letting you move in to help with rent. The apartment is absolute shit, wallpaper flaking off, neighbours loud and police constantly around, but you don't seem to mind- while Yoongi feels like he's contributing nothing. You've told him that it's fine, that you're glad you can help, that you're happy just to be with him- but he's stubborn. "Yoongi-"

"I'm sorry. Fuck, I-" he sighs. "-I'll make it soon. Promise. Then you won't have to work ever again." he says more or less under his breath, feeling like a broken record that keeps repeating this promise over and over again, before he presses a kiss to the top of your head. It's a small gesture, and it's how he loves you.

Not with words. But with actions.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

It's always the second verse he seems to struggle with.

The first is quick to come to his mind. It builds the theme, the vibe he wants to go for, but the second doesn't flow as easily from his hands. It's like it's mocking him, reminding him that he always starts something just to struggle with seeing it through.

He pushes himself back into his chair, sighing before clicking around to save progress. He won't be getting anywhere today, and he still needs to pack too for the next concert he's got scheduled.

Busan is a pretty place, he's got to agree. Mostly because Daegu just reminds him a lot of his past, and about the bad parts of it. He doesn't hate his hometown, absolutely the opposite- but that doesn't mean that the by now changed scenery isn't still haunted by the remnants of what once was.

The buses still remind him of the days he couldn't afford them. The small food vendors still smell just like when he was younger and holding his mother's hand. The police sirens still sound just as familiar as they did back when he lived in that run-down apartment with his first love.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

At home, he yawns a bit to himself as he packs his hard cased travel bag with things he typically needs for a short trip like this. He's got a habit of packing some items just in case- even though he himself never typically needs it.

But old habits die hard.

"Aish, it's not your fault." he mumbles, inspecting your scraped up forearm. "That guy didn't look where he was going." he just says, before helping you clean it with some water in the tap.

"Neither was I." you try and chuckle, though Yoongi can see you're not at all happy. He sighs, leaving you alone in the bathroom of the cheap hotel room (the cheapest he could find in Seoul during holiday season), searching for something in his backpack. He doesn't even know why he'd packed it in the first place- but he's glad he did.

The dog plushy on the bed is a bit dirty, but nothing he cant brush off. What's worse is the ear that had almost completely been ripped off, floppy fabric only hanging by a thread, stuffing slightly exposed. He sits down at the edge of the bed, opening the small plastic case with the needle and yarn, carefully preparing everything before he gets to work.

You don't want to cry- so you pull yourself together in the bathroom, arm now cleaned and angrily throbbing from all the things you've done to the wound to treat it. In the main room however, there's a sight waiting for you as another proof of his silent love.

Min Yoongi is sewing the cheap dog stuffy he'd won you at the arcade back together.

"Almost done." he simply tells you while working on his task, having noticed you walk in already. "It's not good and the thread is not the right color, but better than nothing.." he simply says quietly, tying the yard before finishing it off. "He- huh?" he asks surprised when you suddenly hug him from behind on the bed.

"You know you can cry about it, right?" he says. "I wont tease you for it."

"I love you." you say, and he smiles a little bit, turning around to show the small stuffed toy to you.

"but it's stupid." you complain, already in tears as you inspect the fixed toy. The red yarn is clearly visible, standing out amongst the rest of the fake fur, but in a way, that's lovely. Because it shows his efforts to repair it for you. It's proof of his love.

"It's not. Come here." he just says, letting you hug him in his lap on the bed. "You're an emotional person. I told you it doesn't bother me." he reminds you.

And so you cry, knowing that he will hold you no matter how big or small the reason for your tears might be.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

His shower is a quick one, he doesn't need to take any longer than necessary.

Even still, it's nice to just let himself exist underneath the water for a moment, just relaxing, taking some time for himself and nothing else. Time doesn't matter in that moment, it's routine, comfortable, predictable. Nothing will happen that he's not experienced before.

He's alone in this home, after all.

It's not often that he's living in this apartment throughout the day, most days rather spent in the studio or in the practice room, busy life keeping him on the tips of his toes. He doesn't mind it, he's chosen it after all, but sometimes he envies the friends and family everyone else around him has. Jungkook and Jin both live with their girlfriends after all, and it's really both admirable and scary to think about. He himself can't imagine going home just to have to deal with another person. He likes being alone.

After all, he's not lonely just because he doesn't enjoy the presence of someone else.

He's quite content with his life at this point. He knows his goals are in reach, is confident in the fact that he's gonna be able to do it just right if he sets his mind to it.

Though sometimes, the loneliness does reach underneath his skin.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"Are you sure? I don't mind waiting." Yoongi is adamant in making sure that you're not doing anything just because you feel like you have to. You're not obligated to sleep with him. He doesn't need it- he's fine the way you are right now.

"No, I want to.." you say, though now unsure it seems. ".. Except if you don't want to.?" you ask hesitantly, becoming a bit self-conscious now at the prospect of him potentially not wanting you like that.

But he shakes his head.

"Don't think I'm saying this because I don't find your body attractive or some shit. That's not true." he carefully says, reaching out to brush some hair out of your face. "I just want to make sure you don't regret this."

"But it's with you." you say, a shy smile on your lips. "I could never regret any second with you." you tell him, and he takes a moment to look at you, burn the image of you into his mind, before he grins boyishly at you, gummy smile showing his own nervousness about it all as well.

"Ok." he says, moving to lean over you, giggles quickly swallowed by hungry kisses.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Busan is a lovely place.

You've always loved the sea, and with Haeundae so close to your hotel, it's no wonder you're spending most of your trip at the beach. His face is all over the place, people already camping around to get a chance at seeing the band live. It's endearing to see- to get a glimpse of the great things he's achieved.

People love him now. They look up to him, see him as inspiration, as a role model, as an Idol.

The winds are a little harsh, but that's fine. You're cold, but then again, you're basically always feeling somewhat cold, so you don't find it in yourself to leave and go back to your hotel room just yet.

There's something nice about being alone.

The sea is providing a nice background noise for you, while the lights are dim enough to bask you in shadows. You're not scared, never have been- you don't know when it happened or why it's like this. Maybe you're too carefree. Maybe you should be a little more worried about what might happen.

But you don't want to think about what might. You want to just exist in what is.

Someone is playing the guitar somewhere down the street, faded echo of voice and instrument reaching you just barely. It feels nice like this, clean air and soft sand underneath you still warm from the entire day of sun. The towel keeps it off your clothes, but even if it did reach you, you wouldn't mind.

You close your eyes for a moment. Just a little.

A couple is running by. They're laughing, chasing each other. Friends are running after them, a soju bottle slipping out of a guy's hand, falling and spilling into the sand. The others make a sound of both complaint and laughter, attitude happy and free. You like experiencing moments like these.

You wonder if you'd be the friend who dropped the bottle, or the one to pick it up.

Before walking over to pick it up.

But in this friend group, no one picks it up. It's still there when they all long went their way, green glass sticking out of the sand.

You sigh. Stand up. Dust yourself off.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You're quiet while he's angry.

There's nothing you could away to make it better anyways, and by now you've learned not to do anything as to help him calm down. It's rough to listen to the way he talks about himself- heartbreaking, but it's also part of being with him.

"It's always like this!" he shakes his head. "I'm a nobody. They'll fuck me over like nothing. Every time." he argues with himself.

You stay quiet.

He's never gotten angry at you, and you hold that dearly. Yoongi isn't one to insult without reason, but he can lash out with glares and words if he feels cornered. He absolutely hates being like this, doesn't want to scare you- and with one look your way, he deflates, visibly.

"Why're you with me?" he asks, quietly, almost scared of the answer you might give.

"Cause I love you." you shrug. Honesty is something he holds highly- it's why he keeps you so close to himself and his heart.

"But is that enough?" he wonders. "Love won't pay bills, or buy a house, or bring you places. Fuck, I want to treat you so good because you deserve it but all I do is run after my own fucking goals while using you." he shakes his head.

"You can use me all you want, Yoongs." you simply say. "Love is giving and taking, after all."

He scoffs, before joining you on the bed, leaning over you.

He rests his forehead on your collarbone. You're warm. Way too warm for him, scolding hot, burning every time he touches you. It's wrong of him to be loved by someone as selfless as you. He hates that you deserve someone way better than him, but that there's probably no one out there ever fit for you. He hates that he can't let you go because he want to keep you close until he himself becomes the one who's worth your time.

"I love you." you say, and he holds you close.

"...love you too." he mumbles almost inaudibly.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Someone's throwing away trash on the beach.

He enjoys seeing people do little tasks like this to improve their surroundings, even small actions capable of leading to big change in his opinion. However, he does feel a little uncomfortable seeing the young woman alone in a place as bustling as this, as late as it is.

The world isn't a nice place. People aren't nice beings most of the time. Devastation hides around every corner.

At a convenience store, he buys a pack of snacks and a bottle of soju to go with the food he's going to order from room service later in his hotel room. He wants to finish that second verse so badly, it's itching the back of his mind constantly it seems. Paying quietly for his stuff was the plan, until he gets hit by a wave of nostalgia.

And then he spots your face, right in front of him.

He doesn't know who's wearing some weird perfume that might smell just like his old apartment, but it catches him completely off guard. It's not exactly the same, there's an odd freshness to it, but the basic structure is still the same.

A little like cinnamon, artificial sweetness to it, a hint of that floral sensitive fabric softener and very faint cigarette smell.

It's only your side profile as you pay with your card to the young guy behind the counter, but he'd recognize you anywhere. You've grown a little older just like he himself has, but your features are still the same, creating a face that's forever engraved into his mind.

There's no way he could ever forget you.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"It's fine." you say, though he can see that you're sad. Hell, he's too, but fuck, this could be his chance. "..are they nice? Like, do you feel well there?" you wonder, and he wants to throw up because of course you only care about his wellbeing and not your own feelings in this situation.

"..." he can't find good words, it seems. "I don't know what I should do." he admits, and you laugh.

"You do know. You're just scared." you say, and he despises how well you can read him. "you're wondering if it'll all be worth it in the end."

"what if I throw this all away for nothing?" he asks defeated, unsure if he's gonna like the answer he's gonna get.

"Yoongi, I'm sorry, but look around you. You can only gain, you've got nothing here to loose." you laugh as if joking, but he shakes his head.

"I've got you." he mumbles.

"You'll have me if this fails too." you say, picking up his hand to curl your smaller pinky finger around his, your eyes glossy even in the darkness of your shared bedroom. "I'll be here."

"..promise?" he asks, quietly, almost impossible to hear.

"promise."

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"They demolished the apartments." Yoongi says, sitting next to you on the park bench, drenched in darkness. "Don't know when. Saw it beginning of this year."

You nod. "They took them down Last year november I believe. Something about the structure being unstable." you explain, licking your fingers as you eat your cold meal.

"It's always been unstable in my opinion. Remember the huge cracks on the balcony?" he chuckles, and you laugh along.

"Oh god yeah. You basically banned me from ever going out on there because you were convinced it would just snap off and fall down at any moment." you joke. Your voice hasn't changed much at all. He still can't help but cling to every word that leaves your lips.

Fuck, he's falling for you all over again.

"Hm but I still got that picture I took from our first date." you tease, and he cringes.

"Aish, come on, that's embarrassing." he complains, though you shake your head.

"It's not! The table was a cardboard box and the meal was pizza I think. I thought it was sweet." you say, and he rolls his eyes a little.

"You thought a lot of the things I did were sweet." he reminds you, and you nod.

"That's cause they were." you tell him, finishing your meal.

"Well, I can afford a table now." he reminds you, carefully stepping around, feeling the boundaries and searching for any potential hurdle in his mission to get closer to you again. "And good food."

"hm, I can imagine." you say. "life's been treating you well. I'm glad." you explain, looking at him, and he can't stand your warm gaze on him like that.

You're yet again burning him, and he's not even touching you.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"I don't want to go." he says quietly, packed bags at his feet. "Fuck, I can't do this."

"You're not turning this chance down." you tell him, trying hard to keep yourself composed. "Yoongi, you're talented. And not just something out of the ordinary- you're one of a kind." you say, holding onto his shoulders. "Please. We talked about this."

He nods, quietly, before picking up the bags. He hates that he can't hug you. Can't kiss you goodbye. Can't even look at you. He feels awful, wave of regret ready hitting him the moment he steps outside the door of your shared apartment.

Or, now more or less your apartment.

And it gets worse the moment he's at the dorms he's gonna live in for the next few years, as soon as he opens the bags you'd packed for him. His clothes are so neatly folded, still smelling like you, and home, and you even packed your laptop with a sticky note telling him to use it well and fuck. He already misses you, already feels horrible for doing what he's done.

But then he picks himself up with newfound determination, folding the note and putting it into his wallet.

He will use it well.

He will make it big.

All while you're at the apartment, crying alone, for the first time in years no one there to hold your shaking body.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"That's gonna be the most expensive bed I'll fuck you in." He breathes out, earning a slap to the chest and a laugh from you before he continues his attack on your neck. You've got no chance to really look at his way more expensive hotel suite, too busy with his knee between your legs and his hands unbuttoning your coat as if he's got time to loose.

"way to- be romantic, Yoongs.!" you giggle, and he grins against your skin, coat falling helplessly down to the floor. "Yoongi!" you scold playfully when his cold hands grab at your bare skin underneath your sweater.

"No." he shakes his head. "Don't call me that. I've missed that stupid nickname you gave me way too much." he says, letting you pull his own sweatshirt over his head the T-Shirt he's got underneath easily going along.

"Yoongs?" you tease. "Baby?" you go on, eyes closed by now, just experiencing the moment back in his presence. "Bestest Boyfriend?" you laugh when he picks you up and brings you to the bed.

"All of them, don't fucking care." he answers, pulling your sweater from your skin and over your head. "As long as it's you who calls me that." his deep voice says, and it's a reminder of how much time has passed.

And for a moment, time stops, as you both just stare at each other.

"I missed you." you say, smiling tearfully. Fuck.

He tears up himself. Busies himself with kissing you instead, mind and soul and body hungry for anything you're willing to give.

You don't need him to say anything. Even after those years you know him well enough to realize that he's talking with actions when words fail him. Just like he does now, with the way his hands start to gain courage and confidence again, finding old territory in a new light again, so to say.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, after all.

And finally, as your soft breaths and desperate whimpers find his ears, he realizes that this is now, not then. This is his past, present, and future meeting. This isn't just some random memory his brain has spun into a dream that haunts him with the fact that he'd given this up for fame and money.

No, this is a promise being kept.

It's him going back to free laughter and carefree smiles when you roll on his big twin-sized bed while he searches for a random condom that's buried in his suitcase deep down. "heh, well prepared for a man with fame." you joke, though he shakes his head at you when he joins you again.

"Never had time nor really any craving for someone else." he shrugs, though he somewhere deep down wants to know what it's been like for you. If there's been others while he's been busy touring and writing songs. Surely, a girl with your looks and personality-

"Had the time, not gonna lie." you say, before your finger traces a beauty mark on his bare leg. "but no one was you." you mumble.

He stares at you.

"You don't have to lie, you know." he tells you. "don't be mad or anything. You know me."

"hmm." you say. "that's why I couldn't be with anybody else." you say, staring at nothing at all for a moment. He leans over, kisses you more tenderly now, less urgency in his actions.

"you're still way too fucking nice." he playfully complains, before laughing when you roll your eyes.

"And you swear too much!" you say, making him raise his brows.

"Maybe I should start putting my dick in, let's see who's swearing then, huh?" he challenges, and you laugh with a scandalized expression.

"yeah well maybe, I'm aging fifty years fown here old man!" you giggle, making him click his tongue.

You might not be aware of it, but this is the most at ease he's been in years. There's no time, no hurry, no urgency and no real reason behind anything he does. He just acts on simole thoughts, on his desperation for you, and mostly, his love.

He cast help but love you just as much as he did years prior. Or.. No.

He loves you more. Definitely.

You hold onto him with every thrust of his hips, needing him close, closer, even closer than he already is. His lips on yours steal your breath away, but you don't mind suffocating if it's due to his affection. You know he will make you come alive again with a simple touch, you know he's never going to let you fly away from his grasp.

He never did, after all.

The moment after your climax feels like all emotions crash onto you like the waves did back at the beach. They're just as loud, as heavy and cold but beautiful the same, and you can't help but cry, sob, move your hands to shield your eyes and let yourself feel all of the years of longing for one last time.

But this time, you don't cry alone anymore.

Tonight, he holds you again, keeps you close, and makes sure that from now on, he's back at your side. He's become the man who's worth your time.

Worth your love.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━