Im A Lover. AND A Biter

i’m a lover. AND a biter

DINO Leemujin Service, EP.91

pls reblog this and tag the song that you're 100% sure will never leave your spotify wrapped

what happens in a maknae recording

this tugged at my heartstrings

(glimpse of us) one. "I should just leave," Seungcheol muttered under his breath as he watched all those well-dressed people chatting around him. Who wears red to a wedding? Shouldn't the focus be on the bride? Maybe he wasn't the only one out of place there, after all.

"And I'm going to kill Jeonghan for encouraging me to come here," Great, now he was talking to himself! At the very least, they'll think he's praying and let it go. Everything felt chaotic inside the church anyway.

Considering the nearly two-hour drive it took to get there, he shouldn't be thinking about going back, but that's exactly what was happening. He was panicking and didn't even have a plan B in sight.

"I'm sorry, are you from the groom's family?" A lady in her 50s stopped him at the door, taking him by the hand and making him sit on one of the pews on the left side of the church. "Stay here."

"Actually, I'm-" His murmur was barely audible, and he wasn't sure how to name the relationship he had with you. "A friend of the bride."

"It's okay, you can sit here anyway." He forced a smile, grateful that the woman didn't ask any more questions.

"Thank you." With his hands resting on his knees, Seungcheol finally got a good look at the chapel. The place was packed with your family and some college friends. From a distance, he was able to recognize Seungkwan laughing and talking to another guy who was sitting on the side of the church that appeared to be for the bride's guests.

"It's fine, I can do this," For the first time in years he was wearing a suit, and even though he hurriedly borrowed it from Jeonghan before leaving, it didn't look too bad when he checked it in the mirror. "I didn't come all this way for nothing, right?"

A commotion started near the altar, and he realized that the groom was already waiting for you. Despite never mentioning marriage when you were together, Seungcheol envisioned a future with you. Maybe not in a way you would agree with, or with everything he was seeing in church today, but he definitely didn't think he'd live to see you marry Joshua. At the very least he'd say he was surprised at how things had turned out since your relationship ended.

"Look, I think the ceremony is about to start." Someone commented just before the atmosphere calmed down. A young woman dressed in a light pink blazer and dress pants was standing in the right corner of the altar with a violin in her hand, providing the ideal mood for the bride's entrance. Seungcheol has probably never felt as weak as he does now.

You were beautiful. And his heart broke when he saw you holding Joshua's hand like there was no one else in that chapel.

"Am I too late?"

two. It was mid-October when things started to get hard to bear.

You were anxious because your graduation was just a few weeks away and your family wanted you to go on a trip with some childhood friends to celebrate.

"Are you really going on this trip?" Seungcheol asked hesitantly, pulling your hand to the side when he saw you gnawing at the skin around your fingers.

"I think so, my dad is being pushy and it's not like I can say no," You sighed and turned to him as he wrapped you in a side hug and trapped you in his arms. "I'm just upset that you won't be there too." You've had this conversation before. You even insisted that he go with you, but Seungcheol knew that your family wasn't very friendly with him. It wasn't like they treated him badly or wanted to break the two of you, but he had a feeling your father would prefer you to date someone else. More precisely, he seemed to have a special fondness for Joshua.

"You won't need me, Shua will be there. Your dad must happy."

"This again?" You gave him a peck on the lips. One leg on top of his, intertwining with yours. Seungcheol insisted on trapping your arms between his, chuckling at your failed attempt to free yourself. "I only have eyes for you." You laughed, emphasizing your point with a kiss on the exposed part of his collarbone.

"You know he has feelings for you,"

"Cheol!"

"Tell me I'm wrong then."

"You're not even making sense," You sat up, pulling yourself out of his embrace. "He's just a friend."

"Sure."

"You're making a big deal out of nothing!" You guys already talked about it and with each new discussion the subject seemed to stick more and more to Seungcheol's mind. You wouldn't say he's wrong, but the lack of trust he had in you was what frustrated you the most since this started.

"I see the way he looks at you," He was facing you now, his back against the wall as his fingers worked to enlarge the hole in the knee of his jeans. "Even if you don't see your dad sure do, and he doesn't miss a chance to encourage him."

"Shua has never tried anything with me and we've known each other since we were kids," At least that's what you tried to convince yourself of when you put your hands over his. "Trust me on this."

"I'm trying. I really am."

three. As the ceremony took place in front of his eyes, Seungcheol found himself feeling even more uneasy. His foot made an irritating thud against the wood of the pew, and even though the lady sitting next to him threw him disapproving looks from time to time, it was practically impossible to control his anxiety.

He was trying not to let it show despite the bitter taste in his mouth each time he stopped to watch the smooth movement Joshua's thumb made on the back of your hand as he listened to the priest's warm voice.

It was frustrating that he couldn't help remembering when he was the one at your side. The memories gradually came back to him with every word the gray-haired man standing at the altar uttered. First slowly, then all at once.

"Will you promise to love and support their marriage in all the days to come? If so, please respond "We will"." Hate turned to sorrow and sorrow turned to pain. For a moment he thought he had reached the limit, until he decided it was time to speak for himself.

"I love you, y/n," His hands were shaking, his heart pounding in his chest and sweat streaming down his forehead. "I always have."

The priest interrupted his speech halfway through and Seungcheol was uncomfortably aware of every pair of shocked eyes turned in his direction. He only cared about one, though.

"I love everything about you. Even the things I don't like I love." You were evidently tense at the altar when you turned to find him standing in the middle of the church, right on the side that belonged to Joshua's guests. The world around you was crumbling and yet your hand was still connected to his.

"I want you with me. I love you, and I think that you love me too," The expression on Joshua's face was unreadable. Seungcheol couldn't tell if he was angry, scared, or if he was so sure of the love you now felt for him that he didn't even care what was happening. "Do you?"

Now it was your hands that were shaking. Joshua obviously sensed this and repeated the same movement he made when you were both facing the priest, about to say yes. Your gaze strays from Seungcheol's and then back to the groom, repeating the exact same caress on the back of his hand as you whisper softly in his ear "I'll be right back, ok?"

four. "Follow me," Seungcheol couldn't even react properly as you walked down the aisle, one hand gripping the hem of your dress so it wouldn't drag on the floor while the other was quick to grab him by the wrist towards a room at the back of the church.

He felt dizzy being guided by you, your touch so close yet so far away as he couldn't help but notice you made a point of avoiding contact with his hands. In the background he heard Joshua's voice trying to distract the guests from the interruption he had caused, confident that you would be back as quickly as you'd promised just seconds before.

Seungcheol hoped not.

"What are you doing here?" You sounded annoyed, bitter, not at all receptive to his presence there. "I moved on, so why are you here Cheol?" The nickname slipping so easily between your lips hit him where it hurt.

The way you stared at him like you wanted this conversation to end soon hurt even more.

"I still love you," He said trying to get closer to you when all you did was let out a humorless laugh, eyes all over the place but his. "I miss you and I know you miss me too."

"How would you know how I feel?" You were so close to losing your temper. He could tell just from watching your hand slide over the satiny fabric of the dress that covered your chest. The veil you wore was beautiful. It wasn't very long, resting gently on the loose strands of hair around your face. A silver barrette held it on top of your head, making you look angelic, pure. So untouchable.

This was Joshua's vision of you throughout the ceremony? He felt sick just thinking about it.

"You're the one who left." You shot at him merciless. Teary eyes struggling to keep away from his figure in front of you.

"Somewhere, deep down, in that heinous heart of yours, there's a part of you that still cares about me."

"I don't have anything to say. I never missed you."

"Liar." He might be breaking but so were you.

"It's not a lie, I-"

"Liar." He took a step forward, risking you backing away again but relieved when you allowed him to hold your hands. And he really held it this time.

"I came back for you." A broken heart is a small price to pay when you're not the one who has to pay it.

That's what he thought when he left and assumed you didn't care, turning away without looking back. He knew now that he was wrong, that selfishness had taken over. He knew he had to fix this.

"Do you trust me?" He smiled when you nodded, glad it was you who was holding his hand now.

five. Guilt washed over you the second you stepped out of the church. "This isn't right,"

You had taken Seungcheol's hand as he led you to the exit through the chapel's back doors, facing the open-air parking lot, now filled with guests' cars.

Your guests. At your wedding. Guests who were waiting for you to come back.

Joshua was also waiting for you to come back.

"I can't-" You stumbled over your own words, as if they were stuck in your throat and struggling to get out. "I can't do it. Shua doesn't deserve this."

You were no longer in Cheol's embrace. Instead you started pacing between the cars, one hand busily plucking at the clip that held the veil on your head, loosening your hair from the bun that had been carefully styled a few hours ago.

You had a headache, it felt like you hadn't slept at all the night before and things started to spin around you. "I can't do this to him, I can't break his heart, Cheol."

You felt Seungcheol's smooth hands hesitantly wrapping around your waist as you leaned on the hood of a black pickup truck. "You don't want to do this anymore?" He fought the funny feeling in his stomach, fearing you'd back out now.

"I do," You rested your palm on his cheek, tracing it around his nose as you watched him snuggle against your touch. "It's just hard." His eyes instinctively closed as he felt your lips hovering over his.

"So," A peck on his lips was all it took to reach for the car keys in the back pocket of his pants. "Who's going to drive?"

six. After driving for a few hours you decided it was best to spend the night in a hotel room before heading back to real life.

"Did you have fun?" Seungcheol asked as you came out of the shower wearing his shirt.

"I did," You laughed, chatted about old times and listened to your favorite songs on a flash drive that he still kept in the glove compartment of his car since the breakup. He was sweet, his smile gentle and it seemed like a dream that after so many misunderstandings all this was actually happening.

"You look upset," It was a statement, not a question. Yet he managed to smile as if he didn't know what was coming next. "You won't stay, right?"

You pushed the blanket aside, sitting on the edge of the bed so you could place your hands over his before explaining yourself.

"I was on the phone with Shua," He tried to take his hand out from under yours but you wouldn't let him, holding on tighter. "Cheol, listen to me." You shouldn't cry right now, but his eyes were watering and you couldn't help but close yours to stop the tears from flowing.

"He's not mad, or upset. Because he understands."

"What's he supposed to understand?"

"Us. We talked about you and me and how we never had closure after you left," He groaned, pushing you away before standing up and starting to button his shirt back up.

"So this is our closure?" He laughed like he wasn't hurt but you could see right through him. He might not understand now, because that's what he always did. He believed what he wanted and then he walked away. Somehow you hoped he'd understand eventually. "This is where we end?"

"That's the reason you came to the wedding and the reason I'm here Cheol,"

"Do you love him?" He was talking about Joshua now, and you wouldn't lie to him.

"I do," You spoke truthfully but your smile was heartbroken, mirroring his.

"The same way you used to love me?"

"The way that turns your knees weak, messes with your head and makes your heart leap with lust." How could he deny you that kind of love? Knowing it was this love he once felt for you even though things didn't work out. He couldn't, that was what made him the most miserable. Being selfish wasn't on the table right now.

"Maybe this wasn't the love that was meant to be."

epilogue. Mornings were generally chaotic at home. Especially on days when Joshua decided he was the one to take Daeun to preschool while you were responsible for packing her lunch box.

"Hurry up guys, you should be in the car by now," You yelled from the kitchen, finishing slicing the strawberries and placing them perfectly lined up next to Daeun's favorite igourt.

"We're almost done." Joshua came out of Daeun's room with his shirt all wrinkled and a sock missing from his foot. Daeun came running ahead of him, trying to escape as he failed to button her winter coat. You couldn't help but smile at the scene.

"Dad is late again!" For a four-year-old, your daughter was certainly observant. Joshua made a funny face when he finally caught up with her, crouching down to her level and smoothing her braids.

"Yes he is," You pinched her nose, catching her just as she turned away from Joshua to run into your arms. "But he's cute, so we'll forgive him, right?"

"Dad is cute!"

"Thank you," He hugged you from behind, giving you a kiss on the cheek and then squeezing Daeun's. She complained, pushing his hand away with her chubby fingers.

"Now give mommy and your lil' bro a kiss because we really are late," He stole one of the strawberries from Daeun's lunch box, finishing up buttoning his shirt while drinking the glass of juice you left for him on the counter.

Daeun looked down, still in your lap. Then she kissed one of her hands and caressed your belly.

"Bye, baby Dan,"

"Come here," Joshua had already put his coat on, his backpack on one arm and Daeun's on the other as he reached out to pick her up.

"Don't forget the lunch box!" You warned when already with Daeun on his lap he bent down to give you a quick kiss, grinning between one peck and another before murmuring "I love you, take care." He caressed your belly just as Daeun had done before. At that she smiled, waving you good-bye before walking out the door.

Her smile was gentle like Seungcheol's, you just hoped no one else would notice.