Here's A Picture To Draw Your Attention, But...

Here's a picture to draw your attention, but...

I think we need to talk.

I think the so-called "pride month" is the best moment to express some unpopular opinions, which, I'm afraid, might cause a lot of a hate toward myself and maybe even my account being flagged. But, since I am a big girl now, I'll survive that. There is just one thing that has been on my mind for years and I really feel the need to share it. And since it's my personal blog, I think I have the right to express my opinions here. So, a question:

 If you consider yourself to be gay, do you have to be the part of LGBTQ+ community? Is it obligatory? Does the fact that you like people of your own sex automatically make you a part of this community? 

Well, my unpopular opinion is that it does not. 

 I identified my sexuality quite early - I was about 11 or 12 at the time. I had noticed, that even though I am a girl, who would be traditionally attracted to males, I have been almost equally attracted to women. Moreover, I think I have always been more attracted to women than to men. And, maybe I'm lucky, but being born and raised in the 21st century, even if not in the most developed country and in quite a conservative family, I have never felt guilty of liking my own sex. I have never had problems with admitting it to myself or to others. I have never had an issue with people not accepting me for that. If I had had any unkind rumors concerning this fact about me, I didn't care. I have always had some sort of immunity to that. Thus, for me, the fact that I'm attracted both to males and to females was never a reason to be proud of.

Why should I be proud of being bisexual? Am I proud of my Ukrainian roots? Am I proud of my white skin or biological sex?

I am not, because I didn't get to choose it, I just felt the attraction and accepted it as a part of me. I didn't do anything. I can be proud of my skills, like digital painting, because I have been developing it for years. I can be proud of my victory over my depression and anxiety (btw, absolutely not connected to my bisexuality or acceptance of thereof), because I actually had to fight it in an uneven battle. I can be proud of my and my family’s path of reconnecting with the Polish culture after years of being disconnected from it, because it actually did require a lot of work on my side. I can be proud of some character traits which I developed in myself, by choice. But I cannot be proud of something that I just have. It's the same as to be proud of having naturally good fat distribution - well, it's not that I worked my a** off in a gym to get there, I just have this predisposition, that's it.

LGBTQ community has always seemed a weird thing to me. Maybe these are just my subjective sensations, but I have always felt as if it expects some particular behavior on my behalf. If you are a man, and you are gay, you need to speak in a high-pitched voice and say "slay" every ten sentences. If you are a gay woman, you have to possess some stereotypically manly features like short hair and stuff. I met plenty of people who would change their own personality and forget their roots as soon as they came out, because they felt like they have to be different if they are openly gay. With bisexuality, it's not as restrictive, but I totally feel like the community expects me to identify myself as, first and foremost, bisexual, and only secondly, as a human. I feel as if I should provide everyone with the information that I am not straight every time I introduce myself to others. As if this purple flag is my main attribute and I should carry it with myself though life with pride. 

But I don't want to. I don't want to be the part of community which has some expectations over me. I don't want to be the part of a community which pretends to be the most inclusive one, while being radically exclusive to some specific people for not keeping up with new, trendy social constructs. For me, LGBTQ+ community is like a new hypocritical religion. Like I have the same feeling of guilt and discomfort, when I hear about some new ideas promoted by the community, as I felt when I was actively attending the Catholic Church.

And by the way, about the religion, I think it's a wonderful parallel, because despite the fact that I wasn't given a choice and got baptized as a baby into an ideology which happened to make me feel uncomfortable, Catholicism, I still could escape it as soon as I realized its negative influence over me. Many people in my family stopped going to church when they saw that it has been politicized and when they realized that religion can serve not only as a tool for obtaining peace of mind, but also as a tool for manipulation, and they still saved their spiritual faith after quitting the community. Now, I cannot stop being bisexual (nor do I want to), but I believe that I can do the same with LGBTQ community - quit it, even if I still continue to be bisexual. And I believe, that I can feel the pride for the things I have actually accomplished just anytime of the year, it doesn't necessarily have to be something I just got as a child and didn't do anything to develop that quality. 

Either way, this is just my stream of consciousness, you do you, creative people of Tumblr, but I really needed to say this. Cheers

“This week Bob Dylan will be playing in Provence, home to his acclaimed ‘Rail Car’ Ironwork sculpture @chateaulacoste. ‘Rail Car’, his largest sculpture to date, is an immersive, ironwork freight car installation set on train tracks and was created in 2019 for permanent installation at the Château’s outdoor art estate in collaboration with @halcyongallery.” - from Bob Dylan official Instagram account

source - https://www.instagram.com/p/CuAVbteuXp_/ 

A short clip of Mimi Baez Fariña and Richard Fariña performing “Pack up Your Sorrows”

Ft. Pete Seeger

Vasyl Zinkevich, Volodymyr Ivasyuk and Nazarii Yaremchuk, circa 1970

They look like a team from some animated series - the handsome one, the brainy one and the goofy one. I can't believe they still haven't received their own crazy tumbler fandom.

I'll be the first one to step onto that dangerous path😵‍💫

Pszczyna, Homestead of the Pszczyna Village (x)

My painting of Basia in 2023 / My drawing of “the Queen” Basia (to the left) and princess myself as a cat ( to the right  ) in 2010 - yes, I was a weird child  :D

Despite the description, this post is going to be deeply personal   One month ago, I lost my dearest friend and one of the most beloved family members - my cat Basia. She was fighting a lymphoma since 2020, when she also had a surgery, but even afterward, the problem returned and started progressing again. By the end of May, my mom, who, together with the rest of my family, currently lives in Ukraine, wrote me a message that Basia stopped eating and drinking, and had trouble walking. Clearly, she was in pain and couldn't function anymore. We made a painful mutual decision to put her down the next day, so she wouldn't have to suffer anymore. 

That day, I called my parents on Telegram to say goodbye to my pet. She was looking very ill, she lost most of her weight, and her fur, once silky and smooth, was looking like hedgehog spines. I cannot choose the words (even in my native language, let alone English) to describe the emotional state I was in, knowing that I couldn't be there for her at that moment. I felt guilty and I was so sorry. However, there was nothing to be done. The next day, that was the 1st of June, her 14th birthday, a vet came over to my parents' house and sent her to her last, peaceful sleep. My parents buried her at a beautiful, safe place near the river together with her favorite toy, a mouse, which she had since she was a kitten. 

Basia was an amazing cat. She was very loving and supportive, as much as a cat can be for a human, and even more. In a way, Basia provided me with advice, when I needed one, by gently biting me on my hand when I was misbehaving as a teenager and not accepting my abusive ex-boyfriend into the family, as if she was protecting me. She was an extremely wise pet. She also was my bestie. We were together since I was 8, and she was a 2 months old little piece of fluff. She used to support me through my pain and health issues, both physical and mental. 

She was my painkiller and my inspiration. When we adopted Basia, I had been attending art school for about one year. I have always liked painting, but if before Basia I would paint trees and barbie dolls, after I got her - everything was about her. I used to paint her in different costumes, as if she was a human. Once I painted her on an a2 canvas in my school uniform and I think this work won some kind of competition, and even was hanging on the art school’s wall for some time (even though it actually was awful, if you ask me now XD). 

I guess what I want to say is that I loved that cat so much I could honestly paint her forever and even write short stories about her, as she had her own character and her approach to life, and her eyes were always filled with some unattainable cat wisdom. I truly believe that this cat had a huge influence over my interest in arts and was my first-ever muse. Thus, the most reasonable homage I can pay her is her last portrait, which would capture her young, silky and beautiful, the way I remember her, sitting on the porch of our cottage.

Basia, my dearest pet to whom I owe so much, I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you in 2020, when you first got sick, and in 2023 when your time came, but I hope you didn't hold grudges against me at the moment when you found your final peace, as you have always been in my heart and no other pet will ever replace you. I still rewatch the videos of you, jumping and playing with your mouse, and I appreciate you so much for fighting this horrible disease for such a long time. You were always so strong. Thank you for all the happy memories and for all of your support throughout the years of our mutual friendship. Thank you for everything. I love you and may your cat soul, wherever it is right now, rest in peace.

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