This Is Just

this is just 😘🤌🏻

This is for humor, not wet Wednesday, or to be used as a fic. You and Matt are best friends and joke around a lot. When you find out he is expecting his 5th child you give him a box of condoms. LOL

Team Simmons

Platonic!Matt Simmons x Reader 

Warnings: mentions of pregnancy, alcohol and mild consumption of, pregnancy jokes 

Category: Fluff

Word Count: 1.5k

Author’s Note: I lovedddd writing this :) 

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Jake ran over to you as you walked through the door. “y/n!” he shouted as he hugged you. 

“Hey buddy! happy birthday!” you hugged him back and handed him a huge gift bag that had his birthday gifts in. 

“Someone went overboard with the gifts again, didn't they ?” Kristy smiled at you from the living room. “Hey pretty lady” you made your way over to give her a hug. 

“How’s the bean?” your hand rested on her belly, “good” she smiled. 

The rest of the team had already arrived, JJ and Emily were outside with the kids as Luke showed them the tricks Roxy could do. Penelope took this moment as her chance to take some pictures, ones you were sure would be sent out to everyone in the morning. Tara, Spencer and Rossi were having a conversation about something you couldn’t hear at the moment. You and Kristy had made your way to the kitchen when Matt came down with the girls, one in each arm. 

You took Chloe from him, holding her on your hip. “Not even here for 5 minutes and already stealing my kids ?” Matt asked you 

“Haha Simmons, very funny. You’re just mad cause she loves me more, isn't that right kiddo ?” you tickled her side, she let out a loud giggle before you put her down. 

Everyone made their way to the backyard. The kids ran around as Roxy chased them through the yard, JJ yelling for them to slow down before they fell over or trample the girls. Rossi stood by the BBQ because he refused to let anyone else cook, although Spencer told him using the BBQ doesn’t exactly count as “cooking” 

Emily had found Matt’s wine stash and opened a bottle which her, Penelope and Tara were working on. You were sitting beside Luke as you looked around the yard. 

You really did find a family with each other. 

David chased his brother to the pool, the boys jumped in which only further caused commotion, as Micheal and Henry jumped in after them. Kristy and JJ both looked like they were about to lose their patience, there were now 4 very hyper boys splashing in the pool.

The noise and laughed had caught Roxy’s attention. Her head perked up from beside Luke’s leg and before he could grab her collar, she made a run straight into the pool. 

“Boys! Get out of there!” Kristy told them, all of them laughing and ignoring her. 

“If you don’t get out, we’re gonna go home right now” JJ gave her boys a stern look, hoping if they got out, so would Jake and David but again, they just ignored the two woman. 

“Matt, will you come get your children ?” Kristy looked over at Matt who could barely move with two very comfortable looking girls sitting on his lap. 

“Babe, I can’t” he gave her an apologetic look. 

“I got it” you got up and walked over to the pool, Luke followed you. “Rox, c’mon girl” Luke whistled, Roxy too, ignored him. You chuckled as you watched the boys and Roxy in the pool, they all looked so happy. 

“Boys, c’mon” you crouched down in front of them, the 4 of them swam up to the edge of the pool. 

“Kristy worked hard to put together this party and it’s only fair that we be good for her, right ?” 

The boys looked at each other and smiled. “Okay” Jake said, smiling at you. You stuck your hands out to help them get out of the pool, Jake grabbed one hand and Henry grabbed the other and they both tugged. 

You fell right into the pool, you swam back up to the top, “are you kidding me?!” you laughed, wiping the water from your face. 

Kristy sighed, walking about from the pool, leaving you and the boys in the pool. JJ shook her head, “you’re all in trouble, you too y/n” you laughed as she walked away. 

“Rox, come here girl, come on” Luke was still trying to get her out of the pool. “Alvez, come here. I’ll push her to you, you help her out” he crouched down and you did get Roxy to the edge of the pool, and out of the pool. Luke was still crouched down as Roxy shook the water off and all over Luke. 

“Hey, help me out” you stuck your arm out to Matt, who made his way over to the pool after giving the girls to Kristy. He grabbed your hand only to be pulled into the pool. 

“Y/n are you serious?!” Matt shouted as he splashed the water towards you. You laughed, the boys clung onto their father as JJ’s boys clung onto you. One by one, you helped the kids out of the pool and then got out yourself. You and Matt had a close relationship, he was your best friend, basically like your older brother. 

Once everyone had dried off, the boys got their fair share of yelling from their mothers, you got yelled at from Rossi after he saw you encouraging the boys and their nonsense rather than getting them to listen to their mothers. Everyone had settled down and had dinner, Kristy and Matt wrangled the kids together to cut Jake’s birthday cake and attempt to get one decent picture before they all ran off to do their own thing. 

Jake and David were in the other room with Henry and Michael while the girls were upstairs. “Y/n, you gotta stop buying so much for the kids. They have a million and one things already. Between you and Penelope, we can stop buying stuff for them” Matt chuckled, you smiled at him as Penelope let out a gasp. 

“Matt, I'll have you know that’s my job as the cool aunt! I must- it’s my duty to spoil them” she stated, taking a sip of her drink. You nodded in agreement, “what she said” 

It was always nice to have the team together outside of work. Matt and Kristy sat together, her legs rested on his lap. Tara, Spencer and Penelope sat on the other couch, Luke sat on the armrest of that couch beside Penelope. JJ and Emily were on the two seater and Rossi was on the recliner, you sat on the floor beside him. 

“Oh!” you looked around for your bag. Rossi looked down at you, “what’s wrong kid ?” 

“I have something for Matt” you pulled your bag over to you, digging through the contents of the bag and finding what you were looking for. Everyone was now looking at you, you pulled out a little wrapped box with a bow on it. Tossing it to Matt, he catches it. 

“What’s this?” he shook the package

“Open it” you smiled, your head resting on the chair behind you. 

Matt ripped the paper off the box, Kristy let out a ridiculously loud laugh when she saw what you had given Matt. 

“Are you serious ?” Matt asked you, holding back a laugh. 

The wrapping paper on his lap had covered what you had given him. “What is it ?” Luke asked him, Matt held up the box of condoms you had just gifted him. The whole room erupted in laughter. 

“As much as I love you guys, and I really do. My wallet can't handle all the birthday and Christmas gifts.” you laughed. 

“You're telling me” Matt laughed as he tossed the box to the other side of the couch. 

“But seriously, it would be nice to give your wife here a break. She's literally always pregnant Matt, I don't even understand where you find the time” 

“I know right!” Luke piped up, Penelope smacking his side “be respectful!” 

“Yeah, thanks for these” Matt laughed as he tossed the gift paper at you, making you laugh. 

“You’re welcome” 

David had wandered into the living room after getting a glass of water, he picked up the box as he sat beside his father. 

“Dad?” 

“Yeah bud?” 

“What are these?” 

Matt looked over at him to see what he was referring too, you held back a laugh. Matt took the box from him, “nothing bud, grown up stuff” Matt told him, giving you a look after you let out a stifled laugh. 

David shrugged as he made his way back over to the other room. 

“I’m gonna kill you l/n” he stood up as did you. 

“Only if you can catch me Simmons” 

----- 

taglist: @aaronhotchnerr @mac99martin @aaron-hotchner187 @tclaerh @luke-alvez @iconicc @lieberhers @pumpkin-reads @ssa-holmes @katexrichardson @sluttytears @thelukealvez @scandinavian-punk @rosesonmyheart @haleymalaffey @shotarosleftpinky @mrs-dr-reid @hqtchner @averyhotchner @andreasworlsboring

sluttiest thing a man can do is lean on something

please i’m gonna start crying 😭😭

i want this so bad

hcs about being friends with the bau?

warning: cursing, mentions of alcohol

a/n: tell me why i have written a page about this in my journal lmao (this will include those from season 7 and season 13 cuz those are my favorite lineups)

first of all, let me just say that you are also an ssa working for the bau, so obviously you became a part of the bau family

being the youngest, everyone would call you the baby/the child of the unit

they would protect you at all costs (esp the guys)

had a shitty date? they would be at your side to listen to you rant

maybe even confront your date the day after and put them in their place

if you were going out alone, one of them would meet up with you to make sure you were okay

you told them that you’ll be okay, but they’ll still worry about you

and make sure you text them when you get home

and although you hate that they treat you like a child sometimes, you still love them with all your heart

anyways, you would do a lot of random shit with your second family

like getting drunk at rossi’s and crash in one of his guest bedrooms (honestly, the whole team does that lol)

probably because y’all were playing a drinking game

or maybe you just wanted to get wasted while getting full from rossi’s homemade pasta

you’d also get drunk with penelope and savannah at derek’s place (you know that one episode)

babysit (and spoil) everyone’s kids 

one time, matt told you to stop buying gifts for his five kids, but you couldn’t help it

you’d also watch over sergio and roxy

whether it was just housesitting or taking them out for a walk

you would binge-watch doctor who with spencer and penelope

and definitely dress up and go to conventions with them

you would go to the foreign film festival with spencer whether you knew the language the movie’s being played in or not

you would go to horror movie premiers with them

when they saw that absolutely nothing scared you, they were lowkey terrified of you

everyday at the office, you made it your goal to tell a joke or a story to hotch to try and make him laugh or at least smile

and you would succeed almost every time

when you all went out to a club, you found yourself (platonically) throwing it back on emily, derek, luke, or tara

they would also protect you if some creepy dude tried to make a pass at you

or you’d pretend to be emily or tara’s gf to scare off a guy

the parties y’all would throw oh my god

halloween parties

spencer would so help you with decorating

penelope knew how to make any scary treat

the scary props for your photobooth wall

and everyone’s costumes *chef’s kisses*

christmas parties

ugly christmas sweaters

secret santa with the whole team

decorating cookies and a gingerbread house

random mistletoes that cause matt and luke to share a very awkward but quick peck (it was funny as shit though)

you would throw everyone a surprise birthday party

but you bawled your eyes out when the team threw a surprise birthday for you (they found your pinterest board lmfao)

you also hung out with the girls a lot

you would go shopping with them

buying yourself a new wardrobe while also getting all the guys a little gift

you’d have random sleepovers with them

face masks and rewatching twilight (and crying)

you would also participate in that whole fbi baseball event they had (my favorite episode tbh)

the bau cheering for you as you made a homerun every turn

and the other units now knowing not to fuck with you

on the plane ride home from a case, instead of falling asleep quickly like the others do

you’d have your earbuds in and dance in your seat

not noticing derek laughing at you

or spencer, who was in the middle of reading, smiling at you

both confused as to how you still have so much energy left

when everyone was asleep, you’d go around and take pictures of the team sleeping

you literally have an album that’s just the bau making ugly faces

and you would so use them as reaction memes

i’m just saying, there’s no way the bau does not have a big groupchat together (and everyone has “baby” as your contact name)

y’all don’t even talk about cases

you guys just talk about whatever

and you’d send memes to them (and probably explain them to spencer)

you, emily, and penelope are the only ones to send reactions pics (until you start sending everyone’s faces and they get mad lol)

at jj’s wedding, you’d dance with everyone

and i mean everyone

including jj and will (we stan this man in this household)

when spencer’s hair started to grow longer

you’d tied them up in ponytails or even little space buns (he would look so cute omg)

it didn’t matter if it was just you two hanging out or y’all were working

and he would leave it on the whole day

one day, you decided to style swap with penelope

you both walked into the office looking like each other

you’d be wearing the brightest of colors

while penelope wore darker clothing

which threw the whole team off guard, but they continued to tease you two

at least that day was just filled with paperwork and you didn’t have to fly out for a case

when derek and spencer were having their little prank war, you decided to one-up them and prank both of them

so now it’s you three pulling pranks on each other until rossi or hotch stops all of you

you would go get ice cream or frozen yogurt with spencer (even if you were lactose intolerant)

you’d do the spicy ramen challenge with penelope (i would cry tbh)

if you were to ever carpool with spencer and he’d let you listen to whatever you want

you’d probably start playing rap and sing all of the lyrics (imagine rapping to wap in front of him he’d scream)

if derek was also riding with you two, he would so hype you up

at first, spencer would look at you with wide eyes as he heard every swear word leave your mouth

but one day, you’d play your favorite rap songs again and you hear spencer mutter the lyrics

your jaw literally dropped

imagine karaoke nights with the bau

they would be so fucking fun

it doesn’t matter if you were a good singer or not

the whole team would be cheering for you (especially hotch don’t come for me)

if you were singing an upbeat song, everyone’s dancing

if you were singing a ballad, everyone’s crying and waving their phone’s flashlights

in conclusion, when you weren’t out working cases, you would have the time of your life hanging out with the bau

you were so grateful to have them by your side

fuck you grammarly i’ll make my sentences as wordy and hard to read as i goddamn like

currently listen all to well 10 minute version crying in the club. blondie come in now

i am so in love with this series

LIBBY CHRIPS ARE SO CUTE (i love the one about quinn ripping jacks off 😭) i love that luke instigated that dog pile on her!!

a taste of the past | these michigan summers

series masterlist

a/n: euchre still stumps me, hence why i've elected to not go into detail about the game.

SUMMER '18

Euchre was, as Libby knew it, a way of bringing out the worst of people.

The first round wasn't too bad—she, Sam, and Dorothea were still teaching the rules to Jim and Ellen as a true rite of passage into Midwestern life. But once they'd got the hang of things, everything promptly went downhill.

Currently, Libby was teamed up with Jim while Sam was with Ellen; it only seemed fair not to lump the two knowledgeable players together, not that they would've chosen to play together anyway. Dorothea merely watched from the side with an amused smile on her red-painted lips. She knew better than to join a game of euchre with her husband and granddaughter.

"Go alone," Libby said, staring at her deck of cards. Jim set his hand down.

The round went on, and Libby couldn't hide her smirk at her grandfather's growing frustration.

Libby dealt her last card. "You just got euchred!"

Sam cursed as Libby and Jim eagerly high-fived each other. Nothing was more humbling than getting euchred. He sighed then, his hand outstretched. "Looks like the student has become the master."

Libby shook his hand with a grin.

"I still have no idea how this game works," Ellen admitted.

"Play it enough times, and it'll come to you," Dorothea replied, looking up from her knitting needles. Her blue eyes twinkled with mischief; it was always there, it seemed. "Just maybe don't play with those two."

Sam and Libby's heads whipped around to stare at Dorothea with disbelieving offense marring their faces. They'd never looked more related than they did at that moment, expressions and mannerisms identical.

"Did she win?" Jack skated toward the curb.

"Hell yeah, I did!" Libby cheered.

"Great, now join us."

Libby glanced at the adults occupying the front porch. It was tempting to put on some skates and join the boys on the street, but she didn't want to leave them alone either. She enjoyed playing cards with them, even if they got too competitive—something they should've expected, considering the number of former athletes seated around the wooden table.

"Go ahead," Ellen encouraged. "How else are you gonna break those skates in?"

A grin danced across Libby's face before she went to kiss her grandfather's forehead. She hurried into the garage in search of the rollerblades Jim and Ellen had gifted her for her birthday. She didn't bother changing into them yet, knowing her skating skills were still subpar at best compared to the boys, and she would rather minimize any chances of injuring herself without the help of others beside her.

Instead, she lugged them over her shoulder and brought herself to the curb. She'd barely slipped her feet into the skates when a shadow cloaked her figure.

Libby tilted her chin up, meeting the greens of Quinn's eyes.

He didn't say anything as he knelt in front of her, setting his hockey stick and gloves aside. He gently tugged one of her legs toward him by her calf, and Libby gulped at the searing feeling it left when his hand moved down to her skates. His nimble fingers worked deftly to tie the laces together.

"Is that okay?" Quinn asked quietly after looping the ends into a bow.

Libby nodded, and he went to tie the other skate. He was all too aware of the eyes watching them, but he was even more conscious of the pair of blue ones in front of him, how they left his heart thrashing against his ribs, how they made it that much harder to breathe.

"I can feel you staring," he said, lifting his gaze.

"Would you rather I didn't?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.

Quinn didn't say anything for a moment before quietly admitting, "No."

Libby smirked before extending her hands out. "Help me up?"

He wasted no time helping her to her feet while collecting his stick and gloves. Quinn watched her skate toward his brothers without much trouble, and that was enough to tell him she had been practicing over the years if that time he saw her first skating was anything to go by. He supposed living in Michigan made it that much easier for Jack, Luke, and Alex to pester her into joining them so they would have even numbers.

They would never know about the skates hanging in her closet in Mississippi, though.

Luke handed Libby a spare hockey stick and a set of gloves, and she grabbed them. Already, without anything being said, they knew they would team up. It wasn't a game of hockey if Libby and Luke weren't paired up together.

The moment the puck dropped, it was as though all caution was thrown to the wind. Jack had pulled Libby back by her shirt to keep her from reaching the puck; she retaliated by giving a gentle tap to where the sun didn't shine with the knob of her stick. Luke had checked Quinn, allowing Libby to score. And at some point, Libby started chirping at Quinn and Jack.

"Yeah, and y'all are supposed to be good?" when she scored, sticking her tongue out.

"That's fuckin' sexist!" when Jack scored.

"Coward!" when Quinn avoided bumping into her.

"Shut the fuck up, I'm older!" when either Jack or Quinn would chirp back.

"Oh, do better," when their shot was blocked by Luke.

"Couldn't get your one brain cell to work?" when Jack tripped over himself, despite tripping over herself on numerous occasions.

"Oh, bet you wish I still had my braces, don't you?" when she dangled Quinn.

There was only so much backtalk either Jack or Quinn could take before they dropped their gloves and sticks to tackle Libby to the ground (though they were still careful enough to make sure she didn't hit her head on the way down).

"Oh, my God!" Jim shot out of his seat, and Sam's guffaws ripped through the air.

"Keep the injuries to a minimum," Dorothea said, scanning the cards in her hand. "We've got enough medical bills to pay."

Libby pretended like the comment didn't have her shoulders stiffening as she slithered her hand out from under the pile of boys to give her grandmother a thumbs up.

"LiLi pile!" Luke flopped on top of his brothers, and Libby groaned at the added weight.

"Cat got your tongue now, Sissy?"