Is It This Easy To Abandon Me?

Is it this easy to abandon me?

suddenly it's all going dark again. your whole life you're holding onto yourself. your positivity. a strength you are trying to master. and countless times it crumbles. because it's hard to deal with. you want to breath without feeling guilty. but you think it's not time for you to breath. you don't deserve to breath. not now. and maybe not ever. you stick to affirming, manifestations,subliminals. you stick to faking, smiling, pretending and ignoring. you stick to fighting, crumpling, snatching and manipulating. But suddenly all goes in vain. you lose your motivation and drive. you're walking in circles. running. crawling. and you realize you've not been happy. you forced happiness on you for a while but the void catches up to you. the void that chased you ever since your birth. and suddenly you realize again,you didn't deserve to be born. you're the reason of everyone's unhappiness. you're nothing. but a mistake. a mistake who was better aborted rather than coming alive. a mistake who was looked down when it was in her mother's womb. a mistake that caused more destruction in it's mother's life. a mistake that everyone didn't want. a mistake that everyone wanted to get rid of. and ever since than you were nothing but a mistake in everyone's life. a mistake trying to prove herself that she isn't a mistake. and so you tried to be better for those who wanted to abandon you even before coming out in the world. from the mistake of coming in this lady's womb to the mistake of ending up being a 'she'. and the mistake continued to have more mistakes. mistakes that are considered normal in most eyes but not in this family. But even you were a mistake,you were rather a enchanting and ethereal one. and it caught everyone's attention,even if they didn't want to. though a mistake,you were now considered a showcase. a ball of white and orange skin,with a celestial little smile resembling heaven. and when you cried everyone was left in awe because you looked too pretty crying. you grew up mature. too aware of the abuse your mother went through. and all you could do is feel as if you're a burden. and you're carrying that weight of the feeling forever. and each year it gets more suffocating than before. and want someone to help you out. get you out of this place. make you forget all these. make you believe that even if you're unable to do anything,even if you're helpless,that doesn't make you a burden. and it's hard for you to find a person like that. because to everyone and to the one you meet,you remain a burden to all of them. you're sick of being a mistake to everyone. you're sick of this word but the word finds you always. the void drags you down no matter where you are. you kept growing in a household full of animals. where satans lived. where an animal abused you and your poor mother. and you felt helpless when his hand wrapped your throat, trying to block what little breath you took to survive

I’m going to start publishing my work here from now on!

tumblr isn’t considered a social media because everyone on here is just talking to themselves

i love being a loser girl, no friends no boyfriend no life just me and my little girlblog against the world

Still my first instinct is to show you everything I'm doing for the first time,be it a hairstyle or my little accomplishments. As I long for your approval,still.