Those Eyes:Ch.1 ||KTH

Those Eyes:Ch.1 ||KTH

»chapter 1: Missed Meeting (Masterpost)

»ratings: Pg-13

➝genre: romance,fluff,angst,smut (might add smut if I ever get requested,else,it has none rn)

➝summary: it's a mystery how two pair of eyes finds solace in each other,when they are strangers and when they are not. can they solve the mystery their eyes behold and explore beyond the horizon of their workaholic life?

➝section warning: making out

➝wc: 4.6k

"I'm sorry but you're being absolutely ridiculous right now sir," after getting out of the elevator you finally glared at the man before you who shifted uncomfortably underneath your piercing glares as all his smugness left his stupid self upon hearing you,"ms. kim I-I didn't intend to-"

tsk. what happened to that distasteful confidence of his.

“I hope you know sir how unprofessional you were being in the elevator as well as in the office this few past days with me.This time sir,” you exhaled, locking your eyes with his,“you have crossed the line. I do not intend to be unprofessional here, hence, I will not expose what unscrupulous remarks you were implying on me in this very elevator."

You stated loud and clear as everyone in the cafeteria was awestruck at your undaunted bravery, "i-its not like what y-your'e imagining-"

tsk. this guy doesn't even have some confidence.

"Even though I am quite a newbie here, I would like to express some of my prerogatives here sir. Along the lines of, you're not only aggravating the womenfolk working here but also you're constantly hampering your dignity, self respect , pride, poise, nobility & self worth here in this very company. Hence I strongly yet respectfully suggest you to fix your perverted bugs floating in your brain so you perhaps can achieve your career aspirations. This is certainly an easy forward task. Thus as you're the brain of this company if you work on it you absolutely will cut a good figure. Therefore, waste no time on scandalous activities; you're young. I suggest you make best use of your time."

You finish with your lips forming into a tight thin smile that only show cased how pissed you were.

The guy nodded clearing his throat to get some words out, "I apologize miss. I definitely will work on myself from now on" and with a polite bow he practically ran for his poor life.

You stand there proudly watching him leave as faint clapping soon grew into rounds of applause. Your eyes instantly roamed around the cafeteria to find each of them smiling proudly at you. You felt a little shy as you smiled at them bowing.

.

As everyone went back to what they were doing your eyes landed on the far corner of the cafeteria with pleasant view showcasing outside where a smirking Mirae and a gleeful eyed Auri sat there with a broad smile.

You had to roll your eyes seeing the way Mirae's smirk turned into a cocky grin as you neared to their table, “𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘧𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘳𝘦𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 out there Kim Y/N” her smirk grew only wider as you sat on the chair between their's.

"Oh please. Dating doesn't even make sense in the first place. He is a low class playboy" you spat as they both chuckle at your raging anger. "You were for a reason the school's heart breaker after all" Auri teased further but you ignored it stealing a strawberry from Mirae.

"Not funny" you roll your eyes throwing the natural sweet fruit into your mouth. "You know it's just 'that' human things. Don't give a damn bruh." Mirae scrunched her nose distastefully remembering that pervert guy's perverted moves towards her when she was a newbie. She never bought it and she threw his scrupulous remarks effortlessly but seems like you did the final touch sending him in the place where he belongs with your professional words that you're quite always famous for.

"Yes.That's the point.That bastard is a human. 'Human' yes this is the problem!" You spat taking a long sip of your coffee brows arching together in annoyance.

"Since high school you two talk like you're not human yourself tsk tsk." Auri dramatically face palmed.

"Well we stated the obvious bitch!" you both yell out in unison bursting into laughter followed by Auri's cute chuckle.

"Well well well look who is having fun without me" you scrunched your nose noticing two long hands with slender fingers snaking around Mirae's neck going further for a back hug. Your eyes roamed over her figure to her face; her pink painted lips pouted as she pressed her head with Mirae's,tightening the hug. Mirae went still when realization strucked her brain terrifically as her face went pale with half of the piece of strawberry out and half in her mouth. Her pleading eyes looked at both you & Auri in a manner that said,

save me y'all

tsk let our poor Mi breath at least Jae-ah, "you see there's a seat next to Mi on her left, why not take that seat instead of clinging on to her and join our 'Fun' chat" you sass with a thin smile plastered which you absolutely know Jae-ah will not get.

“So silly of me” her high pitched laughter echoed through the area as she took the seat letting go of Mirae. Mirae let a sigh of relief chewing the strawberry finally as the senior interpreter & translator of this company stared at her in awe.

Yes, Jae-ah thinks Mi is her 'that' friend since high school.

She finally averted her gaze to meet yours, "That was incredible right there yn-ah! I'm glad that I can see more of your savage remarks now that we work in the same company! I missed them since we graduated"she pouted as your lips curled up.

"Well I missed her a lot though we were in contact but virtual communication doesn't feel same like real life communication does," Auri dramatically hugged her, "We are so happy to be completed again after five years."

"Let's again work hard & have fun together babe" Mirae cooed feeding you a piece of carrot that you don't know how the hell appeared on the table all of a sudden. Mi and her carrots bruh.

You smile chewing,"Look at all of us being so successful, imma tear up" you fake cry as everyone chuckled.

"My my look who I meet just after my arrival?! Is that you Y/n?" You heard a somewhat familiar annoying voice from your back coming closer. Emphasizing each words of her last sentence.

"Oh Good afternoon Ms.Shina" the name leaving Auri's mouth in a polite way as she stood up and bowed made you almost choke. Bro? It's our popular queen Shina of the same high school you all went as well as our well..friend? Why is she being formal with her?

You dramatically stood up from your chair turning to meet a caked up woman, lips painted a thick shade of red, "It's been a while Shina?" you greet, lips pressed into a thin smile. Yes that was sarcasm. She seems to understand and widened her eyes in amusement,"Still the same Y/n I see"

"Of course, look at you? You haven't changed at all as well" you sass.

"By the way Shina is one of the video game testers here! And she is absolutely good at her job." Auri fake laughed trying to ease up the tension around.

That lit Shina's mood as you mentally eye roll. The only thing she is good at is being full of herself. "Our Y/N is the new game designer here. But along with her job she has shown perfect professionalism and gained trust of all the employees here within such a short time." you look at Mirae still sitting beside, not giving a fuck about Shina's presence as she admired her nails. That made you smile inside at how Mi has not change one bit.

"Yeah. It's only been one week and she is considered the best here. Shina might fail fawning her own charm to others" Jae ah added giggling making Mirae chuckle and grin at Shina.

Shina looked taken a back as her eyes inspected every one of you but her sweet smile didn't falter, "Oh my gosh. Jae ah what the hell are you saying? I'm obviously happy that Y/N gained popularity here.We are all friends after all,”she smirked,“I was in France for a week and I see a lot happening ,wow, and I must have a load of works waiting as well" Shina purred the last sentence with fake laughs coming from her.

"Don't worry Jihyo, Sana & Minnie did a great job covering up for you!" Jae-ah replied.

"As always" Mirae cooed smirking as Shina digged holes on her back. "Mira-"

" M'am! Mrs. Choi called for you immediately" a very slim woman came in a rush cutting the mad Shina from almost jumping at Mirae. The woman looked very familiar to you and in a second you recognized when Shina called her name, "Oh my. Is my mother waiting for too long Ae sook ah?" Ae sook nodded, fear written on her eyes scaring everything outta Shina. So her right hand is now her assistant? Not surprised.

Shina turned trying to gain her composure again but the beads of sweat said something else, "Anyways I need to attend a personal meeting now. I'm eagerly waiting for your presentations in the future meetings Y/N. Let's test your professionalism, shall we?"

Her stupid smirk made her look more distasting, "Well why not? I'll show you, not that I care about your 'test' but because it's fun seeing you getting frustrated?" she pretended to not hear you as she turned to her heels but her glare said it all.

Mirae jumped infront of all of you shoving a piece of carrot into each of your mouth, "well let's save our 'fun chat' for another time as it just got ruined and lunch time is almost over and also the new CEO will be arriving in any hour."

She practically yelled at the reminder of today's meeting for the new CEO. "New CEO?" You asked amazed not knowing anything about it.

"Holy shit. I almost forgot today our current CEO is going to hand his business over to his son" Auri panicked. "How did we forget this? I gotta go prepare a lot" ,Jae-ah waved at y'all quickly, practically running out from the cafeteria.

"How come I wasn't informed?" you wonder. "Well maybe you weren't there or something Y/n-ah it's okay now you know beforehand at least", Auri pats you as you nodded smiling.

"Just be sure to be there or I'm dead as I'm in charge of rechecking every employee's presence" Mirae chuckles ruffling your hair as you three step in the elevator ready for another several hours of work.

.

You head to your cubicle as a happy Tzuyu waves at you, "Good afternoon! Had a great time?" you smiled at your coworker, "Very much great I swear!"

Nayeon chuckled as you huff a tired sigh,"Seems like its gonna be greater."

Your head snapped at her giving her a confused look as your right brow arched upward. "Did you bring the file?" she grinned.

shit. Your confused gaze turned into a terrific one as millions of scenarios played into your head. Solar sure is the most generous,kind & sweet woman but when it comes to work she got no mercy. Strict as hell.

Solar is gonna kill me. You groaned running one hand through your hair. How could you forget something this important? Today is not really your day.

"Aigoo! stop scaring her nayeonnie~" Tzuyu chuckled throwing a piece of crumpled paper at nayeon as she laughed.

"Oh c'mon I'm telling the truth!'' she ruffled your hair enjoying your frustrated state. "Idiot!You can go and bring it.Right now?''

right now? how? its gonna take hours even if you leave now? Plus what if you take a lot of time? In one word 'impossible'

"Possible but hard." Tzuyu arched her brows together rubbing on her temple in a thinking manner. Did she just fight with your thoughts? Nayeon nodded, "You better leave right away sis."

"Leave?who?" a familiar voice asks wondering as your head snapped towards the top of your cubicle.

There stood Mirae ; your only ray of hope at the moment. "Yo! You look sick? shit lemme help!'' she panicked. You instantly get up taking her hands into yours with pleading eyes,

"i do need help"

.

"Bro how can you forget something so important to solar?" Mirae yelled for the nineteenth time. She's been panicking for the past ten minutes not caring how much she is cursing at work hours.

"I mean I would say nothing if it was Soojin-", mirae's gaze softened when she meets your frustrated state. She pats your shoulder consoling you & herself, " Calm down! calm down! Its nothing to worry about." she chuckled nervously watching you scoff. "Okay,i mean it is. but it can be solved. you just go back & bring that file asap. simple."

simple? you look at her shocked as she shifts uncomfortably biting her lower lip.she knew what she was saying. 'you got no other choice.' she mouths fiddling with her finger.

"Listen." ,she barks suddenly gaining her confidence, "Trust me. I'll handle everything. Just some hours it is right? thats nothing for me." she said nonchalantly leaning closer to you, winking. Her reassuring tone calmed you down a bit.

you knew when Mirae meant to save anyone she really meant it with her life. "Also bet Solar is gonna be late as she's busy with the-" she stops and starts as realization hits the tip of her tongue,"shit what am I gonna do with the 'new CEO's arrival meeting" she facepalmed as your mouth went dry again.

"Don't worry, y/n is a newbie, she will not be asked for as its practically just the new CEO talking. We really need the file, else, the graphic designs might be postponed for another week.'' Tzuyu popped up almost like an angel.

Mi clapped her hands together smiling although you knew its gonna be a perilous step for her as she is the one assuring every stuffs presence, "Right y/n im gonna handle that too. Just go.'' she smiled at you as you stared at her with eyes full of guilt.

"But-"

"No buts just go!"

.

You sat on your couch head hanging low, your long straight hair messed up, gaze weekly fixed on your smartphone's time. 4:35 it flashed right at your eyes as if its mocking you.

Today even the time is against you. You're not even surprised at this point. Stupid Traffic tsk. You let out a painful laugh,groaning afterwards.Universe showed you karma for no reason today. Why always me?

Even after leaving at 3:30 in hope of reaching within 30 minutes; time completely played with you with its favorite weapon, the traffic. It was hell of a long ride of a total one hour. And when you finally reached it took a solid ten minute to find the file in the dustbin. The dustbin? For real? Were you drunk? The last time you were this irresponsible was back in high school when you lost your attendance sheet.

Even if you leave now it will take another hour and you'll reach after the office closes. and if it takes half an hour for you to reach; someone for sure will approach you and ask where you were. You should've been in the boring meeting where the CEO would be giving some common speech of making more profits by working together like any other CEO but here you were counting your last days.

You tap on the contact logo as staring at the time is of no use. Your eyes guiltily roamed to the contact of your savior. Mirae.

You stressed her enough by dropping a thousand pounds of pressure. If you apologize to her she sure will slap you even if you knew you were at guilt,she would never make you feel that.

She must be at the meeting but still you make a call, though you know its no use as the other line said , "The number you've called is currently switched off; please try again later." Hope she's not in trouble.

Its 5:00. No use of going back neither sitting here. Letting out a long sigh you get yourself up to take a shower. Needa relax your stiff body and messed up mind.

.

You took longer than usual in the shower to kill the time. You already had thought of searching for some jobs as this one is clearly at risk. You sigh looking at the clock. 6:00pm. Soon everyone will end their shift. You pick up your phone to call Mirae praying to God.At least she shouldn't lose her job. On forth ring she picked up as your breath hitched slightly.

"I think I'm losing my job?" you exhale.

"What? no.'' she nervously chuckles from the other side of the line.

nervous & Mi? This is the first time of this day you felt her being slightly nervous. That's when you knew you are absolutely doomed.

"Did I messed up big? Are you in troub-"you stopped as you heard an unfamiliar tone scolding Mirae? Is he the CEO? If he is you already can say he is one of that stuck up, egoistic, jerky once.

"I'm sorry it's not like I did something wrong? Why are you coming at me?" she replied strictly to the man,trying to not show her nervousness.

You heard faint sounds of the man chuckling. Sarcastically?

"Mi?-"

"Hey I'll be talking on our gc.Later.And solar doesn't even remember.She's busy, don't worry." she hurriedly said through gritted teeth yet trying to sound cheerful as usual.And she hung up.

She sounded more mad than nervous. God knows what happened.

.

VIP Hoomans

Y/N

Should I head back to the office? Is Mi in big trouble?

I'm so sorry guys. This is all my fault. I will do everything to save Mi's job istg.

Auri

Don't you dare blame yourself. Nobody's losing any job for a stupid reason tf-

Mirae

I have it all covered up. Don't even think like that. You're all safe.

Jae-ah

We are all human y/n.

We can forget dw.

and my Mirae handled everything professionally uwu

Auri

except one and very unprofessionally at that

she literally went hulk mode omg

Mirae

Auri. Dont dare.

Y/N

Shit.Did you mess up something sis?

Mirae

It has nothing to do w you y/n I swear!

Its just something between me & that jerk.

y/n

jerk?

perhaps you mean the CEO,right?

Auri

Nah,the ceo is very extraordinary & kind at heart.

Jae-ah

Yeah he promised us he'll make this company a living paradise from now on lol

Y/n

lol dramatic of him. Then who is it Mi is so mad at?

Auri

well well

Mirae is now enemy's w the new ceo's manager

Mirae

Also my coworker. And his cubicle happened to be right beside mine. How sweet, right?

Y/N

Wow so we finally found another competitive computer programmer aside of Mirae?

Auri

He is also an audio engineer.

Very genius and talented might I add.

Got his degree from Harvard.

Y/N 

Harvard?

Mirae

genius. my foot. Jeon Jungkook,stuck up jerk.

Auri

Oh. And snaps w his words. Mr.Jeon found it inappropriate and unacceptble as he found the senior programmer aka mi dozing off & looking disturbed in the middle of the meeting.

Mirae found her match,finally.

xD

Mirae

Y'all dont needa make me remember -.- 

and he's no match to me pfft

Jae-ah

Poor Mirae already was frustrated w all this fuss and now gave a bad first impression to him TT

Mirae

idgaf to that

Jae-ah

he also wanted to recheck if every employees were present..

Shina

And Mirae the trouble maker she is tried to block his way.Now he is suspecting more.

Mirae

How funny,right? Shina only pops up to suck tea and throw some blames here and there.

Shina

Oh my, is it your way to thank me for distracting that awfully handsome guy, love?

Jae-ah

you did nothing tho..?

he looked annoyed by you so he left lol

Mirae

the way i love you Jae ah ;)

anyways he should start counting his days backwards from now on because I'm sure as hell not going to be easy on him.

he might be the player but im always the coach.

Jae-ah

thats my Mirae 

y/n

here we go playing another round of 'Mi the fatal woman' XD

Auri

ok are we done w this drama?

Mirae

you started it m'am x)

ok so who's up for hanging out!?

its been so long istg.

Shina

me.

Mirae

look who's talking lol

Jae-ah 

it sounds fun!

Y/N

oh yeah why not? i need some fresh air anyways.

Auri

im totally up!~ but where ? 

Mirae

;)

Seoulmusement veshia! 

we are surely paying visit to the park of maze there as well ;)

-

You smiled to yourself keeping  your phone on the night stand as you head to your kitchen. Mirae will never stop recommending underrated places just because of their 'fancy' names. You've always felt lucky to have such helpful,supportive & selfless friend as Auri & Mirae by your side. Even if the world turns upside down you will be always their first priority. 

You take the pan to make your favourite half boiled noodles. After what happened today you mentally prepared yourself to add extra spice to feel the sadness. Everybody has their own way to mourn you know?  But after all of your friends saving you from this mess you're now beyond happy to do that. Instead you ended up adding extra mushrooms. After the noodles is done you turn off the stove and head to the drawing room. 

You jump on your comfy couch turning on the tv searching for your favourite cartoon 'shinchan' no matter how old you grow you're never gonna get bored of this cartoon. Shinchan has always been your role model for living life just the way you want to. You love how he doesnt care about anything and just goes on without any worry. After watching several episodes you watch some of your favourite vlogs & then continue a drama which you were watching lately. Tomorrow is your weekend so what could possibly go wrong if  you go to sleep late and over sleep? Nothing. You chuckle remembering your teenage days when you had no adult responsibilities and would sleep till afternoon & then Auri would wake you up when you were in the bathroom.

.

"Yah!" you tried escaping once more,  trying to turn to the left path but the strong hand pulled you once again to the small corner as both of your bodies almost collided together. Your breath hitched slightly at the sight before you but you tried to stay sane. The close proximity made both of you feel each others breaths on the lips. He trapped you between his arms staring at you with those eyes which always holds thousand of unspoken mystery,millions of truth untold. It always brought you into a totally different world. A world where only the two of you remained forever.

''You smell so sweet, I cant get enough of you.'' he inhaled the natural scent of your hair fondly which he does alot. Butterflies in your stomach told you just to feel this moment. Feel him close. His heart,his soul,him & those eyes. He loved playing with your hair. He placed a sweet kiss on your forehead  looking down at you  as he found you looking anywhere but him. He chuckles seeing you flustered as he lifts your chin to meet his gaze.

He takes your hand leading it to his bare chest as you grasped. He had his plain white shirt unbuttoned with his built chest on full display which you were trying to not look all this time. His hair was wet & messed up as his locks fell on his forehead. Too hot to handle. Your palm felt the warmth as it roamed around the area before he decided to place it on his heart,

"This.." he purred in a raspy voice leaning closer  his breath brushing on your lips making your heart stop,"it only keeps beating faster & faster everyday..what should I do Y/n -ah?" he exhaled.

''a-are y-you sick?..shouldn't you consult a doctor? instead of telling m-me?" you mentally curse for stuttering. You knew what he meant and could feel his heart beating fast against his chest but you couldn't prepare yourself yet. So you tried to joke. He chuckles seeing you uncontrollably blush, clear failed attempt of joking amusing him,

"What if you're the only doctor to my heart?" he smiled playing along as he caressed your cheeks. You struggled to let a word out. 

"Not gonna let you dodge this moment again Ms.Kim" he whispers biting slightly on your earlobe. You let out a unintentional moan which made him lose it completely.

"heal me.." with that two words said he crashed his lips with yours as your eyes widened not knowing what to do. He was moving his lips passionately not averting his gaze from you. You melted at his touch ; his hands roaming aggressively on your back and sides. The honey-like taste of his lips made your insides moan in pleasure. You looked at his  mesmerizing dreamy eyes before closing yours as both of your lips moved in sync. 

Just like both of your lips both souls connected like two last lost puzzles finally finding each others mate. The moment was intense,hot,passionate,needy yet the aura around you radiated true love & affection. As if he had no intention of letting you go. He waited for you,wanted you,needed you and now that you're here he wasn't letting you go any soon.

His hands slightly rose your shirt stroking the sides of your bare waist as you pulled him closer wrapping your arms around his neck feeling every bit of his lips. He moaned between the kiss as he took your upper lips biting it slightly,making you moan. He cupped your cheeks pulling your lower lips afterwards. The intensity made you lose it as you pulled his hair mouth leaving breathy moans. You were turning him on. So much.

Your back hit the wall as he pressed himself against you; lips finally leaving yours as you both breathed heavily on each other. He leaned close to your ear whispering, "Y/n-ah.." he purred;his usual soft voice getting deeper taking you to another realm as he breaths,"do you know..." he bit your earlobe as the touch of his lips trailed down to your jawline leaving open mouth kisses,

"..what is the strongest organ to fight with?" His gaze shifted to your confused face as  he left a soft peck on your lips chuckling.

 ''h-huh?'' finally you could utter something between this overpowering  heavily breaths. As you try to open your eyes your long eyelashes flatter leaving faint shadows of it; he didn't utter a word staring right through you as you did the same; gulping down his ethereal beauty. As he was drunk with your mesmerizing self; you.

"What do you mean ? What is it?" your eyes widened as his smirk widened as well followed by the next two words said,

"The tongue"  and suddenly with a thud it's all dark again.

.

“Wake the fuck up you dirty hoe.”

.

»next

How do you calm yourself when all you want is to scream so loud that you either burst into small pieces and get shattered or annihilate the entire universe into nothingness?

Back to talking to myself and crying here cause this world isn't for me 💜

writing academic papers has to be one of the most “i’ll pull out my hair” tasks

Of Ruin: Chapter 16 || KTH

(banner by @itaeewon)

Of Ruin (Masterpost)

Rating: NSFW - minors dni Genre: vampire!au magic!au royalty!au, s2l, slow burn, eventual smut, angst and fluff

Summary: Taehyung of House Rune, Prince of Infracticus has been cursed. You’re the human world’s leading curse-breaker. It should be simple. But unraveling the curse becomes the least of your problems in the face of a world on the brink of civil war… and the love you start to feel for the prince.

A/N: Thank you endlessly to @sailoryooons for betaing!!! 💕

//

Section Warnings: ig major character death but that’s kind of a technicality, vampire biting, blood drinking, vampire biting, fangwarming??? lmfao, fluff, what i hope is a plot twist lol wc: 5.1k

The passage behind the thrones leads to a corridor not far from Taehyung’s wing. It’s close to the section of rooms that are meant to be yours now. Yours, for your new life as an Infracti. For your new life as the King’s sperasa, until you become Queen.

You’d agreed that doing the ritual in your wing would be best, so that they won’t have to transport you - newly turned, probably unconscious - through the palace.

You are afraid.

You let yourself feel it, don’t deny yourself the right to float in the crawling sensation of terror clawing its way up from your stomach. Taehyung’s hand in yours can’t dispel it. Your pride in him and your love for him, mighty as they are, can’t dispel it.

You’ve become accustomed to fear in your time here. You press on.

In your main room, still unfamiliar to you, Taehyung holds you close, one hand on the back of your head and the other around your waist. You let him hold you, close your eyes.

“Brave,” he whispers.

“I don’t feel very brave,” you admit quietly.

A knock on the door comes and the Queen enters, followed by Jimin. Behind him is Seokjin of Score, and Namjoon. Taehyung arranged all of this once you and Dr. Kim had explained what would be needed.

Namjoon finds you and approaches, face solemn.

“You ready?” he asks quietly as you look over the written countercurse together.

“Have to be,” you say. “Are you?”

He nods. “We can do this,” he asserts.

“And then you get to go home,” you say.

He nods, looking up at you from the parchment. “I’m going as soon as we can confirm it worked,” he tells you, a bit of apology in his tone. Like he’s sorry he isn’t staying with you - even though there’s no way he could.

“Good,” you say, meaning it. “Tell your grandfather… Thank you for everything. And… Thank you, too. I couldn’t have done any of this without you.”

“It was an honor,” he says, quietly, then adds, “I’m grateful, too.”

You feel yourself choking up, and you will it away. You need to be clear-headed, professional. There isn’t room for this - not now. You’ll have to be sad later. Still, you tell him, “I hope I can come see you both soon. I’ll try - as soon as I’m able to be around humans.”

He smiles sadly. “Don’t come until you’re sure you won’t eat us.”

“I promise,” you say, smiling a little. 

He regards you seriously again. Behind him, Taehyung seems to be organizing the items you’d asked for, going over the directions again. Namjoon says, “This might be goodbye for a while, huh?”

“If the countercurse works,” you agree.

You both seem to hover on the precipice of a hug goodbye. In the end, he gives you a final clap on the shoulder, and then the plan is lurching into motion around you.

The Queen has the things you need - the metronome, a jar of ashes.

You set the metronome to a slow rate, and then usher everyone into place in the open space of the room. Then, you sprinkle the ashes in a perfect circle around the group, locking you in with the magic. No one speaks. They just watch you work, ranging from curious to subdued.

When the circle is perfect, you pull out the parchment with the countercurse and explain one last time.

“This is the point, right here,” you say, pointing and showing the paper around the group of Infracti, “when Namjoon will take over the incantation. The ashes will keep the magic close-by, but you need to close the circle as quickly as possible or we’ll lose the connection.”

“We’ve got it,” Seokjin assures you, steady. “Don’t worry.”

“Okay,” you say, pulse thundering. You wish there was anything you could do to stall. You wish there was a blanket you could pull over your head. You wish there was someone from the future who could come tell you that everything would work out, that things would go as you intend.

“If anything goes wrong,” you add, “break contact as fast as you can, and break the circle of ashes to let the magic out. The quicker the better.”

It is the Queen - though, she is not that anymore, now that her son has been crowned - who lays a cool hand on your arm.

“Nothing will go wrong,” she tells you evenly. “We are all here beside you.”

You nod, wordless.

“I’m going to start, then,” you say, but you have to clear your throat once to make it audible.

You mutter a spell you’d looked up just for this, and your parchment obeys the command, hovering mid-air between you and Namjoon, supported by nothing. Namjoon stands to your right and the Queen to your left, and you press your palms to theirs. With everyone in place, you make a perfect circle, with Taehyung straight across.

“Breathe with the beat of the metronome,” you instruct. “Inhale… exhale…”

You breathe in time with everyone around you until you feel your magic rise up, flowing out to mingle with theirs. It takes some time before you feel ready to start the incantations; with Taehyung all the way across the circle it takes a few minutes before you feel his magical signature touch yours through the flow of everyone else’s. But it is unmistakable when he does, the warmth and belonging that accompany the sensation couldn’t be from anyone else.

When you feel like your magic and his are secure, thoroughly immersed with each other, you begin the incantation. You speak slowly and carefully, feeling the familiar sensation of the curse beginning to untangle. You keep your eyes on the page, try not to get distracted by the others.

There is no room for error - you can’t die twice.

There is no snag this time, no pull behind your navel that tells you the curse is fighting back. When you say your last line, you take your hands from those next to you and step into the circle.

Across from you, Taehyung steps forward too.

Around you, the remaining four step closer and fill the gaps you’d left behind, their hands meeting to close a small circle around you and Taehyung. Namjoon’s deep voice picks up the incantation where you left off. He’s borrowing, pulling magic from the Queen and from Jimin, who flank him.

You meet Taehyung’s eyes. Your heart is in your throat. There is so much you want to say to him. That you love him. That you trust him. That he’s worth this sacrifice.

You can’t speak, though, not during the incantation. Instead, you step close to him, breathe him in, and let him envelop you.

He wraps his arms around you, just as he had before everyone else had entered your rooms. He would have to hold tight, he’d warned you, to keep you from moving too much when your body began to instinctively fight him. And then, after, to hold you up when your legs inevitably give out.

He’d also warned you it would hurt.

You are afraid. 

You are afraid, but Taehyung is cradling you between his arms like you are precious, so you take a breath and nod.

Taehyung leans down and nuzzles the spot on your neck that he tends to favor. You stifle your cry when his fangs puncture you, letting out a mangled groan of agony through gritted teeth. You’re glad for his inhuman hold around your back, because your knees do go weak for a moment before you will them back into compliance.

There is no pulling sensation, and no welcome rush of venom. Instead, Taehyung’s hands tighten around you like a warning and then the location of his bite goes white hot.

You hear yourself scream.

The heat spreads, up your neck, down your chest. Your eyes roll back, your throat rasps as your scream continues. Your legs give out, useless beneath you. 

You feel yourself start to fight, hands clawing at Taehyung’s sides, body beginning to twist and tug. Taehyung’s hold is true, and you get nowhere. Your lungs burn and your scream dies to a whimper before starting anew after you drag in a breath.

Everything is on fire - from head to toe you are aflame. Your muscles strain to aching as your body tries and tries to wrench itself away from the pain.

Darkness creeps in the edge of your unfocused vision as you kick fruitlessly at Taehyung’s immoveable legs. You hear yourself gasping out sobs between shrieks of pain. You can see less and less, the black swirling at the edges of your vision taking over by the second.

Before the darkness closes in on you, you will yourself to focus, choke down the next scream that crawls up your throat.

You want to see him. You want to see him before you die. 

Your eyes fight to find him against the blurriness, and you blink away tears. His mouth is wet with your blood and his cheeks are wet with tears, but when he sees you looking at him, he presses his forehead to yours, and his hands on your back unclench and soothe up and down instead.

There he is, you think. My King. My love. And then you let the darkness come.

—

Taehyung looks around the meeting room, then closes his eyes and rubs a hand down his face.

His cabinet, a mix of his father’s people and some of his own, wait him out.

“Three weeks,” he repeats hollowly.

The Infracti he directs that at nods. “Yes, Maiesti. The council needs time to deliberate. This is, as you know, a bit unprecedented.”

Taehyung purses his lips. It’s true; never before has a King - or former King, technically - been put to trial. Dethroned, murdered, cast away - yes. But not like this - a trial, a ruling of guilt, a council deliberating on what sentence he should serve. A sentencing that could take nearly a month, apparently.

“Very well,” Taehyung frowns. “And what of the other trials?”

An uneasy look passes through the room.

Taehyung sighs. “I asked for this myself,” he points out. “You don’t need to be afraid to talk to me about it.”

A woman at the table inclines her head in deference to her king. “Your trial has been scheduled the week after your father’s sentencing. We thought we ought to give you time to help your sperasa recover.”

That’s where Taehyung would rather be right now, in your dark rooms with you, and everyone in his cabinet knows it.

“Thoughtful,” he murmurs, because it is, because it’s not his cabinet’s fault that he murdered innocent humans while under the power of the curse, not their fault that he wants to answer for it.

“Hoseok and I will be fully prepared to represent your defense by then,” a dark-haired Infracti seated near Jin tells him. “I’m confident in our outcome.”

They move on to discuss the third trial - Seokjin’s father, the leader of the Scores. Seokjin listens politely, but the tips of his ears go red until the topic changes. 

Taehyung ticks the trials off in his head, all three, ducks in a row.

“Let’s meet in four days’ time,” Taehyung suggests, glancing around to see if anyone objects. “The trials were my first order of business, but we have a lot of work to do restructuring things around here.”

Everyone at the table nods, and once Taehyung gives a few cabinet members specific directions for tasks to handle in the next week, they disperse.

“Off to see your feral beast?” Jimin teases, as he and Taehyung follow the trickle of people out into the corridor.

Taehyung can’t help but grin, big and boxy. “I like her like this. I’ll almost be sad when she settles down again.”

Jimin laughs at this. “It’s only been a week since you turned her. You have at least another week or two before she calms down.”

Taehyung’s expression slides into a grimace. “Hopefully I’ll still be around once she’s settled and not rotting in the palace prison.”

Jimin’s face goes unreadably blank. “You don’t have to do this, you know,” he says, suddenly somber and quiet. “You’re the King. You could call it off - no one could say anything.”

Taehyung shakes his head. “I need to.”

Jimin purses his full lips at him, but doesn’t retort. Taehyung thinks that Jimin understands, even if he doesn’t like it.

“Yoongi will defend you well,” he says finally. “I’m sure the sentencing will be light.”

“I want the sentencing to be fair,” Taehyung says petulantly. “That’s the whole point.”

“It will be,” Jimin argues. “You were cursed. No one is going to hold that against you.”

Taehyung twists his mouth but doesn’t address this. They’ve been walking as they talk, and they near the doors that lead to your rooms. They’re heavily guarded - Taehyung counts seven Infracti but he knows there are more - mostly to keep you inside.

Jimin tells him goodbye, and the guards move to let him enter. He’s careful to slip through the crack in the doors quickly; the guards are careful to be ready, just in case you get through.

Your rooms are dark, the lamps all unlit, the heavy curtains closed and drowning out any sunlight that might filter through. Normally, Taehyung might expect you to have a fire crackling in the hearth, but part of turning includes several days of unbearable heat, and he’s not sure you’re past that yet.

You come out of nowhere, slamming into him from the shadows to his left, and Taehyung lets himself get knocked to the ground, landing squarely on his ass.

“Ouch,” he says, pouting at you.

Straddling him, rearing back so he can see the column of your throat working in the darkness, you curl back your upper lip, bare your brand-new fangs at him and snarl, the sound snapping and cutting.

He grins. He loves you like this. It makes him feel proud.

“What is it you need, my Queen?” he teases.

Your scowl at him, fangs hanging over your lower lip; you haven’t mastered putting them away yet, and Taehyung thinks it’s the damn cutest thing in the world.

“Drink,” you say, a demand.

“Are you thirsty?” he coos. Your scowl deepens. He knows your consciousness is cloudy right now, a haze of thirst and want and heat obscuring your finer thinking. But you’re in there, behind the haze, and each day a bit more of you shines through.

“Drink,” you insist again, petulantly.

He wishes he could take you hunting - deer, maybe even a bear. He’d loved to see you in action - he has no doubt you’d be a formidable predator, and it sends a thrill through him. But it would be too dangerous; if they happened across a human, you’d have no control. Not yet.

Maybe someday.

Instead, Taehyung flips you without warning, laying his body heavy over yours. You begin thrashing immediately, snarls rolling through you like seismic activity, but he’s stronger and he manages to hold you in place.

He gives a sharp whistle and your doors open. Your thrashing intensifies as you see an escape route, but the guards who wheel in two carts are quick, and soon enough the doors are shut again. Taehyung lets you up, and you skitter to the door, hands working at the knobs. They don’t budge.

You whirl around, looking at him furiously.

“Look,” he says happily, unphased by your anger, “they brought you drinks!”

Eyes narrowed suspiciously, you peer at the carts. There are a few items of blood-food, but unsurprisingly you pass them over. There are carafes of dark liquid, and if you wanted you could just drink. But Taehyung knows what your body is craving - just blood won’t be enough to sate you. Your fangs are tingling, itching to pierce, itching for warmth. You won’t feel better until that need is met, too.

The bags, just big enough to be cradled between two hands, are simply called Prey - a little joke by their inventor, none other than Jimin. They were created for newly-turned Infracti, meant to satisfy both needs at once. The pouch is not real skin, though it feels close enough. The blood inside is real.

You hold one between your hands, claws digging in like it might escape, and bring it to your mouth, piercing the pouch and beginning to drink. You let out a happy little sigh, and Taehyung comes to wrap his arms around you from behind.

“There,” he soothes. “Drink all you need. You’ll feel better.”

You work through three pouches before you stop, dropping the deflated Prey onto the cart it came from and turning to Taehyung with wide eyes, and the cutest fang-adorned pout.

“What is it, my love?” he murmurs, brushing a hand over the top of your head soothingly. “Don’t you feel better now that you’ve had some to drink?”

You nod, then reconsider, frowning and shaking your head.

“What’s not better?” he asks, moving to pull you into a standing cuddle.

Your frown deepens and you raise a hand and rub at your mouth, fingers sliding along your protruding fangs with a squeak.

“They hurt?” he asks sympathetically.

“Bite,” you mumble around your pout.

“Alright,” he tells you. “Let’s get comfortable.”

You loop your arms around his neck, and he takes a second to smile into your hair, holding you close. He likes you like this, too driven by your needs to be proud. He likes that you need him, that you want him, that the part of your brain that might make you pretend otherwise, or at least act like it’s less, is currently silenced by your bloodlust.

He lifts you, and you wrap your legs around his waist as he carries you deeper into your wing, seeking out your bedroom. The blankets are rumpled, half-thrown on the ground, like you’d tried to sleep but had eventually kicked the blankets off and gotten up to pace, instead.

That’s probably exactly what happened.

He settles back against the pillows and you straddle him, arms still around his neck. You bury your face against his chest and whine.

“I know,” he tells you, rubbing a hand up your back. You hiss at the contact, pulling away from where you’d been hiding your face.

“Hurts,” you complain.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, trying to touch more gently. He knows your muscles are sore, skin hot to the touch as your body adjusts. “You can bite if you need to bite.”

“You sure?” you ask, and Taehyung notes that it’s one of your first multi-word utterances. A sign that you’re making progress, coming out of the fog a little.

“I’m sure,” he tells you.

You nose at his neck, and he strokes lightly down your back until you find a spot you like.

It’s only a sting when you pierce the skin of his shoulder, over his deltoid, for which he’s thankful. You don’t drink - sangru can’t be ingested - but leave your sore, sensitive fangs buried in his flesh. You wrap yourself around him even tighter, settling in and closing your eyes as you feel relief for the first time all day.

Taehyung tries hard to hold still so he doesn’t knock you loose. He’s glad he can do this for you, help ease your way. 

He still finds it incomprehensible that you’d give up your human life for him. He holds still, and he whispers to you that it’ll get better soon, that Potato misses you, that he loves you.

After a while, he feels your breathing even out. He shifts gently, wincing as your fangs slip from his shoulder, the wounds starting to ooze tar-black sangru. Unbothered, he moves you gently into a more comfortable sleeping position, smiling when you hum in your sleep. Then, even though he’s slept all night ever since the curse was undone, he closes his eyes and lets himself drift away with you in his arms.

—

You lay still when you awaken, slowly taking inventory of each thing that hurts. Your head isn’t pounding - that’s a first, since the night Taehyung had turned you. You flex your fingers, roll your shoulders, stretch your legs towards the end of the bed. Things are stiff, but not painful the way they’d be the last few times you’d woken.

You rise gingerly, making your way to the windows, drawing back the curtains and filling the room with light. You blink against it, letting your eyes adjust.

You’re in your own rooms, your new wing in the palace. You wander from room to room absently, trying to familiarize yourself. You feel a little lost, a little out of place. You hadn’t inhabited these rooms for long before turning, and now you’ve been out of it for so long that you don’t even know what day it is.

You’re standing in the middle of the main room - with couches and an unlit hearth, just like Taehyung’s wing - staring absently at nothing when one of your tall doors cracks open.

You almost sag with relief when you see Satuel peek her head inside.

“Hi,” you breathe, deflating.

“You’re up,” she says, sounding a bit surprised. “It’s harder to keep track of you now that I can’t hear your heartbeat from outside.”

This makes you smile. “What day is it?”

She tells you as she comes inside, and you start counting on your fingers. Almost three weeks to the day since you’d performed Taehyung’s countercurse.

“Can I get you anything, Maiesti?” she asks.

You feel your face heat. “You shouldn’t call me that,” you say, a bit aghast. Your voice is rough from disuse. “I’m only Prince Taehyung’s sperasa.”

“You will be Queen soon enough,” she says in that cool, even way of hers. “What can I bring for you?”

You hesitate. “I’m very thirsty,” you admit.

She gives you a quick bow and retreats, and you sink into a chair, a bit dazed. Now that you’re noticed it, the thirst is powerful, and you find it hard to think about anything else.

Satuel doesn’t leave you suffering for long. She returns with a cart full of options - pitchers, Prey, and various pastries that must be blood-food.

You choose the pouches, the Prey, since they relieve both the thirst and the tingling need to bite. Though, you notice absently, the tingling isn’t so bad today.

While you drink, Satuel catches you up on what you’ve missed - the former King’s guilty verdict, Seokjin’s father’s trial underway, Taehyung’s own trial impending. Word that Namjoon made it back, that he’s doing fine settling back into his old life. That Taehyung has been here every day, helping you adjust, in between meetings with his new cabinet.

“Maiesti will be pleased to see you feeling more like yourself,” she notes.

“Do you think he’ll be long?” you ask, a bit wistfully.

Satuel gives you a knowing smile. “I think if I tell him you’re awake - really awake - he’ll leave his cabinet mid-meeting to come dote on you.”

You flush.

“Should I inform him?” Satuel asks, almost teasingly.

You wonder if, somehow, she has ended up as your friend.

You hesitate. “Could I… go see him? I’d really like a walk.”

You clean up before you go, and you’re pleased to find that you remember your way through the palace from these new rooms. It’s startling to walk down the corridor - your gait is awkward, your legs wanting to go faster than your brain thinks they can. But, of course, your brain is wrong - it needs time to catch up to what your body can do now.

You pause at the door of Taehyung’s meeting room, listening.

“I just think,” Seokjin is saying, somewhat hotly, “that there needs to be some weighting to the representation. The great houses should have more say than the lesser houses. We’re the ones here doing the work, we’re the ones here solving problems. The lesser houses can have a representative, but court families should have more.”

“I disagree,” someone else says, their tone carefully polite. “Beginning this new venture with an imbalance of power will only invite trouble. The lesser houses will be resentful from the beginning. It could brew into conflict. We don’t want to replace one monarch with a group of monarchs. Your Majesty, you wanted equality across Infracticus - that means you must start with equal.”

“You both make valid points,” Taehyung muses. “How do we decide? Should we vote?”

You step into the room. A few cabinet members look up, eyes widening. Another does a double take, at first deeming you unimportant and then looking again when they register who you are.

Taehyung lets out a noise like a laugh, a smile breaking across his face. “My love!” he cries. “You’re well?”

“I know my name today,” you tell him. “So that’s something, right?”

He starts to push his chair back, but you raise a hand to stop him. He halts mid-motion, clearly confused.

“What if you appointed representation by breaking up the land instead of by house?” you suggest, jumping uninvited into the conversation you’d interrupted. “I’ve seen it done that way above - it works, more or less. Then it doesn’t boil down to do the Runes get one or two, it would simply be that the Runes living in a designated area have the same representative as anyone else who lives there, too.”

Taehyung’s smile, if possible, triples in size. He finishes standing, pushing his chair away. He points at Seokjin mirthfully. “Discuss this suggestion in my absence,” he commands. “My Queen requires my attention now.”

Out in the hall, he sweeps you into a hug, swinging you in a circle. You laugh, slapping half-heartedly at him until he sets you down.

“You,” he says, “are the bravest, smartest, most beautiful Queen Infracticus has ever seen.”

“I’m not Queen yet,” you point out.

“We’ll start planning today,” he says, and then falters. “That is… if you want. I didn’t mean to rush you. I just got excited.”

You can’t help but smile, slipping a hand into his. “No,” you say shyly. “I do… want. Should we wait, though - for after your trial?”

He sobers. “Yoongi thinks it’ll be over in a day,” he says quietly, not meeting your gaze now. You squeeze his hand, reminding him that he’s not alone in this. “The Elders will testify that I was cursed… Namjoon is willing to testify as well… some of my guards, who kept me in my rooms…”

“I could, too,” you offer.

He nods, but it doesn’t seem like he’s saying yes. “If it comes to that,” he hedges. “But, like I said, Yoongi doesn’t think it’ll be much of a case. I’ll be relieved when it’s over, either way.” He shoots you a conspiratorial look. “And then, yes, we can start planning our events.”

“Events?” you echo.

“Wedding,” he ticks off on his fingers. “And then we’ll have to have a coronation for you.”

“I’d rather do it all in one go,” you admit. “I don’t like being the center of attention.”

He smiles indulgently at you. “You’ll get used to it,” he says. “If it helps, from now on, it will never just be you in the center, at least not alone. Wherever you go, you’ll always have me.”

And it does. It does help.

—

“Come on!” Taehyung’s voice is boyish, downright gleeful, as you struggle to keep up with his long legs.

“Where are we going?” you call to him, but your voice is lost by a strong ocean breeze, the sound carried away and drowned beneath the cries of the gulls and the crashing of waves.

In truth, you’re going slow on purpose, trying to savor this: the ocean you get to live beside, Taehyung laughing and carefree in a way you’ve never seen before, a sense that you belong right here.

It’s hard to wrap your brain around the truth that you don’t need to savor it, don’t need to make it last - you’ll have more time here than you can imagine.

Then, you recognize the stone steps he’s bounding down. He’s taking you to his stables.

“Potato missed me too much?” you tease, finally catching up. He grins at you in response.

Inside the stable, he tugs you past Potato’s stall, giving her a quick pat on the nose as he goes.

“Ta-da!” he crows, leaning over the wooden door to the stall, peering down into the space below. You follow his gaze and gasp, hands flying to your face.

“Taehyung!” you shriek. “No way!”

“You’ll scare her!” he chides, but he’s laughing, reaching to unlatch the door so you can properly meet the baby amarisca that stands in the stall. Her coat is royal blue, her hooves navy, and her eyes as black as Taehyung’s.

You sit on the ground and let her come to you, trying hard not to squeal and scare her even though you’re absolutely vibrating with excitement.

“I can’t believe you did this for me,” you all but sob, so happy you’re almost incoherent.

“You need to name her,” he points out, sitting down next to you, hay and dirt be damned.

“Noodle,” you say immediately. “Her name is Regency’s Noodle. Taehyung, oh my god!”

You almost lose it again when she presses her nose into your hand, and Taehyung beams, his smile as bright as the sun.

You’ve come a long way in your transition. You can go almost the whole day without drinking, mostly needing one end-of-day “meal” (four or five Prey pouches) to get you through. You’re more steady on your feet, practicing zipping around lightning-quick the way you’ve seen others do. And your magic is stronger, too. You’ve been thinking of asking Taehyung if there’s a more formal way you can train in magic, once things are settled.

There’s a lot still to come. Your wedding, your coronation. And though the cabinet has been hard at work, King Taehyung has yet to announce that he plans to dissolve the monarchy and create a more democratic system in its place. Neither of you - none of the cabinet members - expect the news to go over smoothly.

Whatever happens, you’ll face it together. It helps that Seokjin is so involved, practically Taehyung’s second-in-command.

“When she’s big enough,” Taehyung promises you, “we’ll race to my island. We’ll travel to the ends of Infracticus together - I’ll make sure you see it all. We’ll ride together and see all the places you grew up reading about.”

“And then what?” you ask, half-teasing. You have an eternity to fill, after all.

“Whatever you want,” he promises. “We’ll do whatever you want, My Queen.”

And he slides his hand into yours, where it fits like it belongs.

—

Taehyung’s hand is in yours when he meets with you and the Infracti who will defend him at the trial, Yoongi and Hoseok of Cleave. 

“I was… going to keep this to myself,” he admits, shoulders rounded with shame. “But I need to know that I truly answered for what I did. And I can’t do that if you only know part of the truth.”

Yoongi looks at you, like you might have some answers. You do not. 

Taehyung wilts just slightly more. He glances sideways at you. “My love,” he murmurs, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Maiesti,” Yoongi says, voice low with warning. He trails off. 

Taehyung fiddles with the rings on his fingers, unable to look anyone in the eye. “The whole truth,” he says, so quiet that you and Yoongi both lean closer to hear him, “is that the curse… it wasn’t what I intended - something went wrong -”

“What happened, Taehyung?” you ask, knowing it when you see him start to spiral into half-thoughts. 

He braces himself, and then tells you both what happened five nights before you’d arrived.

Before you came to Infracticus, Taehyung had spent an entire night in the deepest archives the palace held. He had thrummed with energy and desperation, as if stopping his father’s actions faster could also undo them. As if finding a solution quickly could absolve him, earn forgiveness.

He’d slapped a palm over the page when he found what he was looking for, after hours of searching, reading for so long that his eyes watered and begged to close.

A curse. A curse that would end his immortality, give him a human lifespan.

“If I die young, without an heir,” he had argued with absolutely no one, his voice echoing in the empty, stone room, “then the crown cannot pass on. After my father, it goes to no one.”

It didn’t solve the problem now, he knew. It meant Sunjae would continue to rule unchecked. But someday. Someday, Taehyung would die, and then Sunjae would die, and then the crown would be free.

He’d rest easier knowing that even if every plan he thought up eventually failed, at least Sunjae would be the last. Taehyung would spend however many years he got trying to stop him, and if nothing worked then at least he could die knowing that after Sunjae, it would end. The monarchy would cease to exist. Something better could rise from its ashes. It had to.

He had stood and pulled the book closer to the edge of the table so he could see it clearly and began borrowing, pulling magic from the world around him. He’d end his immortality, he’d kill his immortal self. For his people. For Infracticus.

“I am Taehyung of Rune, Prince of Infracticus,” he had told the empty room. He would bring his father down. He would end his house’s rule. “But perhaps I can be of Ruin, too.”

<- Prev

thank you so much for being here!! i hope you enjoyed this crazy world as much as i did. may scuttlebug tae live on forever in our hearts :')

When my last remaining acquaintance from my school life said that we should spend our last days with everything that we have,only then,it hit me. It ended. And all I could ask myself and wonder internally,“It really ended?”.

The moment that I wanted to end desperately has now officially come to an end. And now that the moment is here,it rather seems a quick one. Everything happened too slow to too fast. And I'm here wondering that, isn't it what I always wanted? Since nursery to now? I wanted it to end. But now that it's finally coming to and end,I am seemingly holding back from going back to my memory lane. My childhood to teenage life served no memories that I could hold on to. Or so I thought. But I hate to admit I miss it all. I always say,“it was good while it lasted” and move on. Or at least try to. Untill I'm left with nothing but a wall around me that I built to avoid people.

I was never fond of a school life. I still am not. I wonder if it's because of how I had to push myself to be better each year. Push myself to blend it with the standards. Push myself to take in the criticisms. Push myself to let the people connect with me and my soul. And the conclusion I came to lately renders me speechless everyday. That, I've always pushed myself. I've pushed myself to the edge to not seem hateable. But in the process,I seemed to forget who I am. And how I'm not cut out to be a part of the society. I've also come to learn that it's not because I'm introverted. In fact,I'm not. Now I wish,it was the case. But the problem all along was my very soul not being able to connect with the people who are born with a standard pattern of personality. And I fail to be counted as any of the category.

I remember being home schooled by my father till I was almost five. And his means of educating me wasn't the type that's considered ideal. It was rather suffocating which taught me to stay isolated and in my own bubble where I only tried solving maths with tears streaming down my face everyday. And those long sessions shut me off terribly for me to function right when we moved to the capital.

I struggled with getting into a school as I was taught differently by my father. The capital made my head spin. It was overwhelming and I was afraid. And I continued to be afraid when I finally got myself admitted in nursery. And I remember being amazed when I saw students having the same books as me. I remember wondering it out loud.

I admit,back then,I was introverted and a kid with anger issues. My nursery and kindergarten phase is a blur of events to me (and I wish school will seem the same someday) but I remember being not so likeable ever since then. I had a childhood best friend from there who continued with me to my school but on a different and distant path. She didn't feel for me. But I seemed to feel for her and felt her absence when she was trying for a different school.

And luckily I found myself being in the same prestigious school as her the following year. The school that gave me a lot. The school that took a lot for me. The school that became a generous part of my life. The school that became a cruel part of my life.

My childhood best friend changed. She chased goals. And so I let her be. And it's funny how we are still in the same class,she's now less competitive, trying to blend in and make friends but it's her nature that allows her to come as a little awkward. But I'm proud to see her chasing better things now.

My start of the same school wasn't smooth. I remember not wearing socks as mom thought that this school doesn't need the students wear sock. Although,mom doesn't remember. I find the thought funny yet cute as mom's first child has to bear some good amount of embarrassment for her innocence.

I remember feeling the first ever thrill on the orientation day, it's what our school always takes pride to. Following the culture with love and ecstasy and I happened to enjoy it,with no socks,of course. When I was in nursery and kindergarten I always used to miss out the events they would held as I was in my own bubble to hear any announcement of it and that made me go there once in my uniform when everyone was in dresses. It was embarrassing,kinda,so I made sure to never do it in my current school.

But still each step I took was uncertain and challenging. I remember going to wrong class after the orientation(wherever the line led me) so I was sent to the other section by a teacher as I was struggling to wear my socks that fortunately mom put in my backpack. And unlike the class I went to by mistake my assigned class were a chaos of people and teachers. And in that moment,I realized,I have to say goodbye to my solitude and prepare for the crazy years ahead. From meeting my first friend there to having an unexpected person remaining just as a friend it was a crazy, melancholic journey. And I don't know if I feel thankful to these almost fifteen of years of feel the bitterness of resentment.

Maybe it's both. Considering my first friend Nawmi having a shit load of friends till now and on her way to presumably become a successful influencer.I wasn't fond of her when we first talked. And I'm still never fond of her when we wave. Maybe it's because how her group of friends was introduced to me by her and maybe we headed with a good start but it couldn't last long. As they are nepo babies. When the two Saras were all about bragging and shit I instantly felt off. And it ended up with me being teased and picked on by them for the lovely nickname my father decided to write on my notebooks. In the end of that year,I had to discard my nickname,scare them with the help of my father (which I shouldn't have done cause they still kind of hate me for that) and just continue to be on my bubble.

It's funny, right? I became a hot topic for my nickname. People would make fun of me. Mispronounce it as ‘Kiss me’,‘pick me’. But irony is,it was always a mispronounced nickname by my father. He named me wrong and even now I groan at the thought of it all.

I was fortunately unfortunate to be rolled as 2. It's quite a mix. Fortunate because my bench partner never really came and when she came she was to stupid to function. But unfortunate because said bench partner made me feel quite stupid too cause whenever she came I hardly knew what to do. And being roll 2 for my precious name made me quite the introvert I was back then.

I never planned to stand out. But I fortunately unfortunately ended up being the talked of topics for my grade. Stupid little me used to be one of the top 10. Although I never saw the light of coming in the third to first place. But I soon started becoming a competition to everyone. My childhood best friend was far ahead of me and one of the nepo baby Sara was the one to always see the fortune of being in the first place. Although,I'm starting to think it was all the magic of having connections because she stopped being anything not long after.

And my parents saw the potentials in me unfortunately and I was forced to keep on doing good, better. Untill I couldn't do best. And I never managed to do best. And it makes me laugh. Because I should have never done good and brought it up on myself.

I am always put to think I'm an unique individual with all the right and wrong spice.

Even now,I know I'm a part of the conversation somewhere in the capital. It's not my pride,nor a flex. It's rather a curse I live with.

People are either the talked of topics or nothing at all. But I seem to hang in between that. And it's exhausting.