My Journey To You Ep. 1-2, 24 Visuals: Portraits Of Power And Masculinity

My Journey to You Ep. 1-2, 24 visuals: Portraits of power and masculinity

I'm doing a rewatch of My Journey to You and I just can't get over how well the show introduces its two male leads, Gong Ziyu and Gong Shangjue. In under two minutes, these two scenes brilliantly establish one of the show's core themes around masculinity and power without a word of dialogue.

Ok, so I gasped when the first glimpse we get of Ziyu's character, the protagonist of a wuxia drama, is a delicate shot of his bare feet. He's a nobleman's son in a sect that is revered by the rest of the martial arts world and yet look at what he's (not) wearing: no military regalia, weapons--just a thin robe and his bare feet.

He's also shown napping, sprawled across his seat like a Victorian woman on a fainting couch. And then when he wakes up, we see him staring longingly out of the brothel's window, his face gently cast in the morning light, like a fairy tale princess locked away in a tower.

Visually, the show immediately communicates to us that Ziyu represents a softer, more romantic image of masculinity, which is reinforced over and over again throughout the show with other feminine-coded symbols (e.g., Ziyu playing music, wearing a red couple bracelet, carrying a bunny lantern). He’s not meant to be seen as a strong son ready to lead his sect but as an overly sensitive playboy wasting his time away.

And then we're introduced to Shangjue.

The music thrums menacingly as Shangjue rides into the Gong residence, his uniformed men carrying spoils of war behind him. As he passes through the main gates, we see each guard bowing in respect. All of this fanfare and the solemn blackness of his riding gear signal the important political role he occupies within the Gong family.

(Side Note: Ryan Cheng's side-eye is magnificent and one of the sexiest things to hit Cdramaland in 2023.)

But what I love most about this scene is the use of high and low-angle shots and central framing. At 6'2’’, Zhang Linghe (the actor playing Ziyu) is a giant, and yet the high angle and surplus negative space around him makes his character look small, almost pitiful in comparison to Shangjue.

In contrast, the zoomed-in, low-angle shot for Shangjue communicates his intimidating persona. There’s something ruthless (even kind of malevolent) about his character, and the show tries to convince us of this first impression with repeated use of shadow and animalistic imagery in its early episodes. He embodies the type of masculinity a powerful sect like the Gongs would want representing them in campaigns with the outside world.

From the jump, Ziyu and Shangjue are set up as antagonists, both by how the characters dismiss one another in the script and also by the show's visual storytelling.

Of course, as the show goes on, both characters gradually change their opinion of one another, and this change is mirrored once again in the visual storytelling. Their final scene in Episode 24 is a near reversal of what we saw in their intro scenes (many thanks to @kingsandbastardz for pointing out the costumes!):

Shangjue's hair is up in a ponytail, neck bare, his rich blue robes nipped in at the waist. He's no longer dressed in his villainous black robes and he doesn't look as physically imposing without his signature cloak. He is finally Ziyu's ally. And check out how the camera angle is also reversed, with Shangjue being shot from a high angle so he looks less dangerous--even fragile--while Ziyu is shot from a low angle to look more powerful.

Despite audience expectations about what type of man would make a strong leader, he has officially grown into the role of Sword Wielder.

This is the funniest damn thing:

Source

As long as Shangjue's three-piece suit also comes with a sexy pair of invisible framed glasses 🙌🏼

Ok, assuming our Season 2 head canons come true, I think Shangjue would protect/die for Yuanzhi but give up/leave the Gong family for Qian.

Narratively, we'd expect Season 2 Shangjue to show character growth by not repeating his same tragic "mistake" (i.e., putting his traditionalist loyalty to the Gong family ahead of his personal desires) but he would still always protect his family.

To safeguard Yuanzhi, he'd put his reputation and/or life on the line, but he would still be operating within the confines of Gong law/norms. To safeguard Qian, I don't think he would challenge those Gong law/norms but would instead abandon the family altogether because he had sacrificed her one too many times already.

It would also, narratively, be a good way to cap off the Ziyu/Shangjue foil. Ziyu always wanted to explore outside the valley but he has finally settled into his role and responsibilities as Sword Wielder inside the valley. Shangjue would always return to the valley after dedicating himself to doing commerce and waging battles for the Gong family but he can free himself of that self-imposed pressure now that he knows Ziyu is taking his position seriously (obviously he'd need to find a replacement for his role. Maybe Jin Fan given Zishang and Yuanzhi would probably be collaborating on weapons at this point in the series?).

@randomingoftherandomness

Let's say Yuanzhi does something bad, would Shangjue betray the Gong family for him? Or would he choose family over his didi?

I think the answer to this will depend on the version of Shangjue that the situation is being posed to

Are we talking about the Shangjue that we met at the beginning of the show?

Or are we talking about the Shangjue we met at the end?

Because my answer will depend on that.

If we are talking about the RBF-card-that-never-declines, then I would say, No. He wouldn't betray the family for him and he wouldn't choose Yuanzhi over the family. That man is someone who doesn't see himself as anything more than just a vessel for his family's interests.

I mean. We already know he was willing to let Yuanzhi be imprisoned, though yes he did give the caveat that Yuanzhi must NOT be harmed, his exact words iirc were "if he died under suspicious means". Someone correct me coz my brain is a bit of buzz.

If we are talking about the Shangjue we met at the end of the show, we should also note that that is a version of Shangjue that has been tempered enough by purpose and drive to do this 👇🏼

Dude deadass rocked up to essentially his clan leader's abode, straight up said bitches better let my baby bro loose or else I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your fucking house down. And every single one of the people there knew he meant it.

And I think that the Shangjue that is formed by the end of the show is someone who is more settled within himself. Less bogged down by his place in the family and how he can serve it. I do think that he is more open, or at least more open, about the idea that he does have a favourite didi; even if he wouldn't hesitate to look out for the rest of his kin (the reveal of him being the one to leave that note that helped ziyu master his moves will remain one of my favourite things about that last arc of this show)

Also, it just may be a "me" thing but gaddamn Lei Lei's face in this scene. The rage. The pure discontent. The sheer THREAT that came right from his chest because HOW DARE THEY （╬ಠ益ಠ) I would pay good money to see him level the whole of Yu residence tho. Who is with me and who do we need to bribe.

I think on some level, should it ever come to Yuanzhi doing some fucked up shit that violates the precepts of the Gong family, the first thing Shangjue -- regardless of the version -- will do is ask for Yuanzhi's reasoning because he's not about to make a judgement without knowing the cause for that action. Yuanzhi's brash and young, but he's the furthest thing from stupid. Shangjue would never tolerate stupidity.

Then, once satisfied with Yuanzhi's reasons, he would murder and bury anyone who could incriminate Yuanzhi. The next thing he would do is confine Yuanzhi to his side where he can see him (lbr that brocon would love it) and where he can't get up to mischief. Because while Shangjue may not put Yuanzhi above family, it doesn’t mean he isn’t wholly and utterly devoted to Didi.

He would keep him safe to the best of his ability. In a way that the family wouldn't be dragged into it and he wouldn't have to make a choice.

@romchat you wanna jump in on this, fam? ~ヾ(＾∇＾)

MPW Ep 5 Subtitle Corrections

Masterlist: EP 1 || EP 2 || EP 3 || EP 4

Y: 釣り合うわけないじゃん Y: 相手はよりによって　これだぞ　これ Y: There's no way (I) can match up (to him) Y: To this (person), of all people, this!

Ep 5 is about Yoh struggling with his desire to "match up" to Segasaki, and the objective difference that he sees between the two of them. It's different from Ep 2's struggle - which arose chiefly because he felt insecure about where he stood with Segasaki. This time, Yoh's struggle is predominantly with himself - because now he has to face up to his worst fear confirmed - that maybe he really is incompetent. And this time, he has to do it without the aid of alcohol too.

I've seen a lot of people talk about how Segasaki shows Yoh his love in every way but in words, and that that's the reason for their miscommunication - but that's not true. He may not use the word "love" or "like", but culturally these words are not often used anyway. What Segasaki does say however, multiple times throughout the show in fact but most clearly in this episode, is essentially "I like it when you depend on me". It's as direct a reassurance as you can get to the fear of being hated because of his perceived incompetence - but that's just the thing - Yoh's perception is skewed by his self-judgement. So, it's not that Segasaki can't use his words - the problem is that Yoh isn't ready to listen yet. Despite this, Yoh's confidence in his relationship with Segasaki is growing every episode. He might not realize this consciously, but it's right after Segasaki comforts and cares for Yoh at his lowest, that Yoh also drops to what is arguably the most casual speech level he's ever gotten with Segasaki (thus far) - and in response, so does Segasaki.

So, same translation disclaimer applies, Ep 5, let's go! (no twitter space for EP 5 probably because of the fan meets).

Y: 学生時代から不定期でもらってた単発の仕事も途切れて Y: 完全無職だ Y: あ、せめて、家事ぐらいはちゃんとやらないと Y: Now that the one-off jobs I've been receiving on an irregular basis since I was a student have been cut off Y: I'm completely jobless Y: Ah! At the very least, I have to do something as small as the housework properly.

Y: だって　そういうのがすきなんだよ、俺は Y: But, actually, that's what I like Yoh's explicit use of the personal pronoun "I" here again emphasizes that this is his own opinion. The way this sentence is phrased also gives the impression that Yoh feels a little aggrieved at the whole "your male characters are irritating to male readers because they're too perfect" explanation his editor gave him.

Y: *そりゃ、ほっといたら描いちゃうよ Y: **お前のせいだ Y: お前みたいなのが　***近くにいるから Y: バーカ Y: *Well I mean, if I'm left to my own devices then I'll end up drawing (him) Y: It's all your** fault Y: It's because someone like you, is (always) around*** me Y: I~diot. *The "aggrieved" feeling is even stronger in this sentence - Yoh is basically saying that he doesn't set out to draw the characters that way - it just sort of happens, and well it's not his fault, because as long as no one (including he himself) is paying attention to what he's drawing, well then, the characters just turn out that way. ** This is the first time that Yoh has referred to Segasaki using the informal pronoun "お前 (omae)" for "you". Depending on the context, it could be considered a rude pronoun, but is mostly just seen as a marker of masculine speech, and thus leans more towards being simply "impolite". It's the same pronoun that Segasaki uses when he speaks to Yoh - but Yoh usually uses the slightly more polite "あんた(anta)" instead, both in his head as well as when he speaks aloud. The switch here emphasizes Yoh's accusation, that this is all Segasaki's fault. ***the phrase here is often used to say that someone is "by your side" or "here for you" and doesn't only refer to physical distance. So, although he's using "omae" and "blaming" Segasaki for his characters turning out looking perfect, these 4 lines actually still sound pretty intimate. Together with how he drags out the word "idiot", this is very clearly Yoh's amae, similar to what we saw in Ep 4. I... will probably write a post about amae as well, because it's so important to their relationship.

Y: 洋服を着たまま海に溺れるように Y: 暗いものが染み込んで Y: 黒いものを吸い込んで Y: ブヨブヨになった体はずっしりと Y: 重く　重く。。。 Y: It feels as if I'm drowning in the ocean whilst fully dressed Y: The darkness seeping into (me) Y: The blackness pouring into (my mouth) Y: My body, now swollen, sinks heavily down Y: So heavy. So heavy.

S: なんだ　いるじゃねぇか S: 電気も付けねぇで　何やっ S: Oh so you are here S: Not even switching on the lights, what were-

S: *あちゃ～　これやり直しだな S: *Ahchaa... This needs to be redone then..

*This is just a sound that you make similar to "oh man..." so I'm not sure why it was translated so forcefully as "it's no good"😅 This sentence is another example of soliloquy, or talking to oneself aloud, that is common in Japanese.

Y: ご飯、ない Y: ごめんなさい Y: すぐ準備する S: *しょうがねぇなぁ　ほら立て S: 行くぞ Y: Food... there isn't any Y: I'm sorry Y: I'll make it soon S: *What do I do with you... come on stand up S: We're going

Yoh is really down here because he loses practically all his words. His first sentence is literally "food, none", and when he says I'm sorry he uses the casual (but full) version "gomen nasai" instead of "suimasen" like he usually does. It makes him sound a lot younger than usual, and overall just adds to the kicked-puppy vibe really well. *しょうがねぇなぁ (shouganee naa) - this is a common phrase that literally translates to "there is no way (to deal with this)" or more commonly "(this situation) can't be helped". It's used to express a sort of acceptance, like in a "oh well, it can't be helped, so don't feel too bad" or "well there's no way this could've been avoided, so let's just get on with it" sorta way. Here, the way Segasaki adds "naa" at the end with a rising tone, actually makes it sound a little indulgent - like when you find your puppy made a mess but it's too cute for you to feel upset and you just love it more. (Also, this is a really common way to show affection between characters in dramas/anime - when one character is down in the dumps, another will be like "well what am I going to do with an idiot like you, I guess I have to help, right?")

S: 葉　とりあえず　口開けろ S: Yoh. In any case, open your mouth first

S: ごちそうさまでした (gochisousama deshita) S: Thank you for the food This is a standard phrase said at the end of a meal (it's counterpart is "itadakimasu - I gratefully partake" said at the beginning). It expresses gratitude to everyone involved in making the meal possible - from the farmers who grew the vegetables to the person who cooked the meal, and yes, even to the animals themselves. Usually, you would say this to the person who made the meal, or the one treating you to it, but it's Segasaki here who leads the saying of this phrase. This isn't weird at all, given the broad meaning of the word, but it is reminiscent of what a parent would do at home, or a teacher would do in school (Japanese teachers eat with their students in class).

S: なんか落ち込んでんの？ Y: 漫画が　とてもだめです* S: You seem a little down about something? Y: My manga is... really bad.* *desu form is back, to give emphasis to this sentence. That said - and I'm really not trying to belittle Yoh here - but similar to the "food, none" phrase earlier, this sentence is just so short and simple that it just makes him sound, well, young. Imagine asking someone "you don't seem to like that person?", and they look at you all serious and say "they're a bad person" - it just sounds unexpectedly young and innocent, and the whole "desu" at the end just tops off the kicked puppy vibes for real. It's why Segasaki snorts a little and smiles.

S: お前漫画がだめだと　こうなんの？ S: えっ　そんだけ？ Y: うん S: ふーん Y: そんだけってなんだよ Y: こっちは　今にも　死にそうな気分なのに

S: So when your manga is bad you become like this? S: Eh? That's all? Y: Mm. S: Hmm~ Y: What do you mean "that's all?" Y: When here I am feeling like I'm about to die soon In case you were wondering, "that's all?" in Japanese sounds exactly as it does in English, so no blaming Yoh here for being all 😟 about it.

S: ほら*　早く来い S: Now, come here, quickly. *ほら (hora) - I last highlighted this word in Ep 3, but Segasaki actually uses it a lot more that just these 2 instances (not least because Yoh's always avoiding him). It's simply a word used to get the listener's attention, like, "look here" or "now" or "see" or "come on" etc.

S: 今日はお前がされるがまま*で気分よかったわ S: もっと落ち込め S: Today you did exactly as you were told, so I felt really good S: Be dejected more often *されるがまま - this phrase means to passively go along with whatever the other person says or does to you, without any resistance (it can also refer to letting nature take its course). It's mostly used to describe a negative situation since it usually implies that the person has no free will of their own, but can also be fairly neutral as in "I followed the waiter's recommendations exactly". So, it's quite amusing that in these 2 sentences, negative sounding words are actually meant to be really sweet (just like how Yoh's "I hate you" sounds eh?).

Personally, I also appreciate how this is a callback to Yoh's monologue in Ep 3, when he talks about noticing the way Segasaki looks just that little bit happier when Yoh listens to him. Here, Segasaki confirms it for Yoh (and us), reinforcing to Yoh that he really doesn't mind Yoh depending on him one bit.

Y: こんなの本物の恋人同士みたいだ Y: あんた*　まるで本当に　俺のこと好きみたいじゃん Y: Like this... it feels like we're a real live couple Y: You*... it's as if you really do like me *We're back to Yoh's usual "anta" here for "you", instead of the "omae" he used earlier.

S: しょうがねぇなぁ S: What do I do with you This is the same phrase as earlier, when Segasaki found Yoh by the laundry machine.

Oh, the moon is beautiful isn't it? 🤭🤭

Y: だって　俺の漫画は世間に求められてないわけですし Y: But, it seems like the world doesn't want my manga... The phrase "the world wants/doesn't want" is commonly used when talking about finding one's place in the world/society, and young adults often say this when trying to figure their life out. So yes, not so uncommon a phrase that this sentence sounds ridiculous, but it definitely does sound a little dramatic. Hence Man-san's response.

M: *甘ったれんな　思い上がんな M: Don't be so *spoiled. Don't think so highly of yourself. *The is the same word, amae, that Man-san used in Ep 4 when she said Yoh was being affectionate with Segasaki. This is another meaning of amae, and it is used in a negative way here, which sort of shows you the complexity of this concept. Underlying it is the message that it's okay to be dependent on your loved ones for your emotional needs, but you still need to take responsibility for your own life.

M: 衣食住の保障された環境でのんびり描いてて　 M: 一回仕事が途切れたぐらいでうじうじ言ってんのか M: 本気で気に食わない Y: 万さん　オーバーキルです M: Being able to draw freely without having to worry about your clothes, food or lodging M: and yet acting all wishy-washy the moment something as small as getting your work cut off just once happens M: I really can't stand that Y: Man-san, that's overkill The term Man-san uses to describe Yoh's current living arrangement is the same term that Segasaki used in his not-proposal, so this suggests that by now Yoh has told her everything about how they got together (and I love that Man-san totally does not judge). It's not explicitly talked about in the show, but despite their similar status as Segasaki Otakus, Man-san does often come across as something like a mentor figure to Yoh, or at least someone senior to him in the Manga world. For one, she speaks very casually to him (for a lady, she sounds as rough as Segasaki tbh 😅), even for someone from the Kansai region, and she often gives him advice. Yoh usually speaks to her informally, but in this whole conversation he does shift up to the desu/masu form often, in response to her scolding him, because she's really going at it (even after taking into account her usual speech pattern😅) and well, he's smarting a little at the moment 😂

M: 世間がどうとかじゃなくて　ダヨちゃんはどうしたいの？ Y: え？ M: ダヨちゃんにとって　漫画って　そういうもんだったの？ M: もうちょっと落ち着いて　考えな M: Rather than thinking about what the world wants, what do you, Dayo-chan, want to do? Y: Huh? M: Is that all that manga is to you, Dayo-chan? M: Calm down a little more and think about it yea?

Y: かたじけのうございます Y: I am indebted to you! This is a very very archaic way to say thank you, think like samurai-level archaic. These two definitely live in the world of manga 😂😂

S: もう体調は戻ったのか？ Y: はい　おかげさまで* S: また　崩してくれても**いいんだぞ Y: ええ？ S: Have you recovered now? Y: Yes, thanks to you* S: It's okay to feel down again for me** too you know Y: Eh?? *Okagesamade - standard phrase you use when someone asks after your health, or when you want to express gratitude for someone else's role in your success/improvement/recovery etc ** 崩してくれて (kuzushite kurete)" - adding "kurete" at the end like this literally means that Yoh does the action of feeling down for Segasaki, rather than just "it's okay to feel down again", which is why Yoh responds in such a surprised manner. As he did before, Segasaki takes what normally is a bad thing and talks about it like it's something good instead. It's his way of emphasizing that Yoh depending on him isn't an inconvenience, in fact, it's something that Segasaki is happy to be on the receiving end of.

Y: これから自分たちをモデルにした漫画を描きに行きますなんて言えないし Y: そもそも、万さんのところにしばらく通うことを許してくれるかどうか。。。 Y: なんとか説得しないと Y: It's not like I can just say "from now on I will be going (out) to draw a manga based on us!" or something like that and... Y: In the first place, (I don't know) whether or not he'll allow me to go to Man-san's place regularly during this period... Y: I have to find some way convince him.

Argument breakdown time, things get intense~~

Y: あの。。。 S: ん？ Y: 今日　編集部で打ち合わせをすることになった* Y: Um... S: Hm? Y: Today, I have a meeting at the editorial department* *Literally, "It has been decided that today (I) will be having a meeting at the editorial department" - this might sound like an indirect way to say "I am going to a meeting" but it's pretty par for the course when speaking politely. Except, Yoh doesn't use the polite form here like he did in Ep 4, nor does he phrase this sentence as an explanation that he's going to follow up on. Nope, by Yoh's usual standards, this is An Announcement, so it's no wonder Segasaki is immediately suspicious.

S: はあ？　仕事切られたんじゃねえのかよ？ Y: いや　そ、その。。。新しいやつ Y: しばらく　忙しくて Y: 場合によっては編集部に泊まりもあるかも S: 昨日の今日で　そんなことあるか？ Y: たまたま連絡がきたんだよね S: お前　なんか　俺に嘘ついてない？ Y: う、嘘じゃない S: いや　おかしいだろ　泊りって S: お前　まさか変な仕事じゃねぇだろうな？ Y: そんなこと。。。ないよ！ S: Haa? Didn't they stop giving you work? [じゃねえのかよ - Segasaki slurs the end vowel here, and adds the end particle "かよ(ka yo)" at the end, which is a rough way to express doubt or surprise, and usually implies some irritation. This, combined with Segasaki's trademark annoyed "haa?" results immediately in a rather flustered Yoh, who stutters a little on the next sentence] Y: No, it-it's... this is a new one. Y: For a while, I'm going to be busy and Y: Depending on the situation, staying overnight at the editorial department... might... be... necessary... [No end particles here - this is still a statement, and would sound stronger if not for the fact that he's hesistating so much] S: And all that just happens today, on this day, just one day after yesterday? Y: ...It just so happened that they contacted me, you see... S: You... are lying to me, aren't you? Y: I-it's not a lie! S: No, it's weird isn't it, to stay overnight? S: You - don't tell me - you aren't doing some kind of shady job are you? Y: There's nothing... of that sort!

S: 葉 Y: はい S: Yoh Y: Yes (hai)?

Yoh's been making a valiant effort to stick to his story throughout this whole conversation but his tone changes completely and he pretty much gives up once Segasaki points out he's lying. In response - and this is not easy to hear but if you want to, go back to about 19:56 or 19:57 of this episode - do you hear Segasaki's small "tsk", after his sigh and before he says Yoh's name? Clicking your tongue, or "tsk-ing" someone is a very very rude way to express frustration or anger in Japan. We're talking get-into-drunk-fights level of rude, if you do it to a stranger. Amongst close friends and family, you're more likely to draw shock first, since it shows the depth of your anger, but they might still get pissed with you afterward. Here at least, Yoh can tell both from the tsk and Segasaki's tone of voice, that he is Not Happy, so he answers Segasaki with a proper "hai" here too.

S: ちょっとここ座れ* Y: はい S: 早く S: Come sit here* Y: Yes S: Be quick. *Slurred "r" on the word "suware" - sit makes this sound very very rough. Segasaki doesn't normally do this, so again, this is him angry, and he's going to slur his r's quite a bit more.

S: お前さ　自分の立場わかってんの？ S: 分かってねぇだろ　分かってねぇから　泊りで仕事とか言い出すんだろうが Y: え～っとだから 遊びに行くわけじゃないし。。。 S: そうじゃねぇだろ S: ああ～もう S: 金か？なんか欲しいもんがあるなら買ってやる Y: 違くて　少しはさ。。。 Y: 自分が稼がないとって S: 必要ない　なんで分かんねぇかな S: お前は稼がなくていいんだよ S: Listen, you - do you even understand what position you're in? S: You don't do you? You don't understand and that's why you can just say things like you'll stay out to work overnight. [This is harsh. Not only is the speech rough, he's still slurring some of his "r"s here, and the ending particle だろうが emphasizes the forcefulness of this statement and Segasaki's frustration - and you can see the effect it has on Yoh.] Y: Umm well... it's not like I'm going for fun or something... [This is indignant, but also nervous - Yoh's speaking a lot faster than usual, and he has to drag the filler words at the beginning out before he can figure out what to say.] S: That's not what I'm talking about is it! [slurred r again] S: Argh I swear - S: Is it money? If there's something you want then I'll buy it for you [more slurred "r"s] Y: That's not it! Even just a little - [This is the first time Yoh uses the end particle "さ (sa)", and just like Segasaki, he's using it to draw attention to what he's saying, essentially the equivalent of "listen!". This whole line isn't rude, but it is direct and it's probably the most forceful Yoh has gotten with Segasaki so far, even compared to their argument in Ep 2 - Yoh might have physically pushed Segasaki then, but he mostly just sounded hurt. Here, he's very tense, but he's cut off by Segasaki biting his ear.] Y: - I should earn some money myself (at least, I thought so) [This is more like how Yoh usually voices his opinion - by "hedging" his sentences a little with "I think" and so on to sound less direct - though he's still using truncated forms here, so he's not quite back to his usual level yet] S: There's no need to. [To self:] Why don't you understand? S: It's fine even if you don't earn anything. [Similarly, Segasaki softens this sentence just a tiny bit by tacking on a よ(yo) at the end]

Y: でも! S: あのな　俺はお前に漫画の仕事がなくなろうがどうでもいいんだ Y: But! S: Listen to me. I don't care at all whether you lose your manga work or not. [To be fair to Yoh, the phrase "どうでもいいんだ" literally means "it's fine either way" but it tends to feel like "I don't care because it doesn't matter/make a difference to me/doesn't really involve me", so you can see why it triggers him.]

It's interesting to contrast Yoh's reaction here with the above 2 times Segasaki says something with a negative connotation. Of course, Segasaki also sounded a lot sweeter then (though in his defence, he didn't have to worry about why Yoh might be trying to lie to him all of a sudden), but the biggest difference really is in Yoh's mindset.

Y: え？ S: 当然だろ S: だから余計なこと*すんな Y: なんだよ　どうでもいいって Y: 漫画のこと　分からないなりに　応援してくれてるもんだと思ってたのに Y: あんたにとってはくだらないことでも Y: 俺にとってはすごく Y: すごく大事な事なのに Y: 全然よくない Y: バカにすんなよ！ Y: Huh? S: Isn't that obvious? S: So, don't do unnecessary* things [*余計なこと - This phrase is used to refer to the problems that arise from whatever thing/action is in excess, and so has a negative connotation. Yoh is too fixated on the previous line to notice though] Y: What's that (supposed to mean)... "I don't care" Y: I've always thought that manga was something you supported me in, despite not knowing much about it, and yet... Y: Even if to you, it's something trivial Y: To me, it's something that's extremely Y: It's something extremely important and yet... Y: This is definitely not ok Y: Don't look down on me! [word contraction - again, by Yoh's standards, at least when he talks out loud to Segasaki, this is a drop in speech levels]

Y: 絶対あんたより稼げるようになってやる Y: 漫画で! Y: I'm definitely going to become someone who can earn more money than you! Y: With manga! I think difference between simply "earning more" and "becoming someone who can earn more" is important here - because it isn't about money - it's about competence. Yoh thinks his own worth is calculated in his ability to do things "well", be it in his work or at home. By that measure, Segasaki is worth everything and Yoh is sorely lacking, hence Yoh wants to "become" someone that is, in his mind, worth something. Because if he does not, then inevitably, Segasaki will one day come to disdain him.

There are so many times in this episode that Yoh hears things that should cement their relationship in his head, that he even recognizes as couple-like and accepts without protest - Man-san referring to Segasaki as Yoh's boyfriend, Segasaki losing his whole "man-of-a-few-words" thing and saying more to him in this episode than in any other, verbal confirmation that Yoh depending on him is something he welcomes etc. And yet, Yoh's fear filters all of that out and he hears only what sounds like his own self-judgement in Segasaki's voice. It's no wonder he lashes out at Segasaki like that, though really, who he's really attacking is himself. Afterall, sometimes when we hurt ourselves, we hurt the people who love us too, as we'll see in Ep 6.

(That was quite the arguement though, wasn't it!)

do you ever see a person and you are overcome with incredible fondness? and you just think "oh." but not in a romantic or sexual way you are just filled with warmth and it makes you happy, it just does. and you think "i'm so happy you exist. i'm happy you are somewhere out there in the world, doing your thing". it's love but also not entirely

like people are lovely and i feel it in my entire chest like a burning candle that smells like roses and a sunny day

Ha, yes! Edward Guo loves a foil and he loves mirroring. Off the top of my head, I'm thinking of the symbolism of

Hands: When Shangjue is wapping Qian's injured finger back in Episode 12 (the "do you still think I'm gentle?" scene), Qian tells Shangjue that the heart and fingers are linked. And I love how that becomes a motif for both Ziyu and Shangjue. Ziyu is always shown extending his hand to Weishan, whether it's to guide her through the dark, to provide her emotional comfort, or to caress her while they kiss. Or in Episode 11 when Ziyu gives her the snow lotus while voiceover-ing "I want to make a cloud I can hold [emphasis added] onto" even though he suspects she is lying to him about her identity. Hands are an extension of his unconditional trust and care. In contrast, Shangjue is always pulling his hand away from Qian when she reaches for him because he interprets the act as transactional, that she's bartering in physical intimacy. So it's super significant that the only times he allows her to hold his hand is when they separate in the final episode. I'd interpret that allowance as him desperately wanting to believe her "truth" even though he can't reconcile her being Wufeng.

Couple poses: Ziyu and Weishan are often positioned directly across from one another so they can face each other head-on, and they're usually placed at the same level (e.g., they're sitting at the same table, standing up at the same time). And I think that's indicative of Ziyu's respect for Weishan and seeing her as an equal partner. In contrast, Shangjue is usually positioned higher and facing forward in a thronal position while Qian is at his side looking up at him obsequiously. Their lack of alignment is a visual representation of how they're always playing their cat-and-mouse games and never quite on the same page even if they desperately desire it. The few scenes where they're facing each other head-on are usually their most honest.

Duplicity of bare skin: I don't know how intentional this was but I was fascinated by how much skin is shown in My Journey to You. I’m thinking about an early scene where Qian and Weishan pretend Weishan is ill with a rash and she shows her bare back to distract the guards. Or the scene after Huanyu is rescued and they show his back (and identifiable birthmark!) while treating his wounds. Or when Qian is treating Yuanzhi's wounds after the Gong family fight in the field and he slips her false intel about Shangjue's depleted internal power. It’s interesting to see the vulnerability and honesty of "baring it all" being paired with lies.

Sometimes I feel like a conspiracy theorist when I analyze the visuals of this show but there was some really cool storytelling happening, whether conscious or not.

My Journey to You Ep. 12 visuals: Love in blue

Ok, I'm not really a color theory girlie, BUT when a character suddenly changes up their outfits that's something I like to pay attention to. Gong Shangjue has always been portrayed in somber black and suddenly he's dressed in blue for his little lantern date with his assassin fiancée who also happens to frequently dress in blue?

Oh, it's so on, production design team.

But first, let's take a moment to relive this banger of a scene.

The sexual tension between these two makes me absolutely feral. This slow burn is what enemies-to-lovers should always aspire to.

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Well, shit. I saw that jaw clench, Shangjue. Sorry, can't offer any substantive commentary. Still recovering.

Moving on...

Something I didn't really notice until this episode was how blue-toned Shangjue and Qian's scenes are in comparison to Gong Ziyu and Yun Weishan's scenes.

It's reflected in the costumes, with Ziyu and Weishan often wearing warmer colors with more exuberant gold embroidery and trimmings. It's reflected in the lighting with their scenes more reliant on the warmth of ambient lighting while Shangjue and Qian's are often shot with cooler natural light. It's also present in the set design, with Shangjue and Qian's scenes (especially those shot together) consistently involving or happening by water, which reminds me of the Chinese poem:

Drops of water can break through stone [if given long enough].

In other words, "soft" strategies can eventually make headway in difficult challenges—in this case, Qian's clever use of care to crack through Shangjue's personal defenses. And probably vice versa in the future.

Also, note how both scenes above start with the camera panning and tilting up from the blue of the water before focusing on the two characters. The camera crew for My Journey to You use a surprising amount of movement in their shots so I'm going to pay more attention to how they introduce and conclude scenes from here on out.

Of course, Shangjue's new blue outfit (and the warm blue of the pond landscape) is immediately noticeable given how starkly monochromatic and cold most of their scenes have been up until this point. Wearing the same color is a costume representation of their growing closeness. This dinner date is yet another unexpected peace offering from Shangjue, possibly his response to Qian's earlier question of "Isn't it good to be cared about?" (And correct me if I'm wrong but I think it's also the first time he actually gives Qian something rather than a few insights into his psyche. He and Ziyu have very different love languages lol)

But from the loaded dialogue it's clear that neither are overcome by the unnamed growing attraction between them, and I expect the blue that visually represents their relationship to return to a cooler tone by the next episode. They're still playing cat-and-mouse with each other, just with sexier vibes.

(Side note: Ryan Cheng is so good here. The way he relaxes and tenses his body, the smooth transition between microexpressions as the two characters dance between interrogation and half-truths. Ah, to be hot and talented. Can't relate.)

Finally--and I'm pretty sure I'm reaching but it's my tumblr so why the hell not--I want to talk about Gong Yuanzhi's costuming. Something I immediately noticed about Yuanzhi's character is how his closet is probably the most diverse of the main cast. Unlike other characters who tend to wear variations of the same fabrics, his outfits use different textures and colors. He wears a lot of black like his beloved cousin but also blues, silvers, whites, and now in Episode 12 green. I wonder if his lack of commitment to one color story is an indication of how his alliance with Shangjue will shift in the future, especially if Shangjue ever allows his attraction to Qian to cloud his judgment about either Yuanzhi's loyalty or what is in the best interest of the Gong clan.

Episode 12 definitely felt like a transitional episode that is meant to drop clues and kickstart a bunch of plot threads so I'm excited to see how those threads converge or diverge from these color stories if at all.