s1ater

𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐠𝐨.

412 posts

Yall Read Rn

y’all read rn ☝️🤍

home

pairings: rafe cameron x reader, platonic!pogues x reader

warnings: mentions of drugs, mentions of bruises and blood, profanities, angst

word count: 1181

prompt: ‘then something broke in me and i wanted to go home’ [wish that you were here, florence + the machine] for @pad-foots' 7 days of angst challenge.

note: you guys should really follow @s1ater <3

home is where the heart is, they said.

it could be a place, somewhere you’ve found solace in. the place you’d go back to and get thumped by a sense of nostalgia and sentimentality, yearning for the days where it was all so simple.

but truthfully, home is a person. home is a feeling. as you grow older, you’ll start to realize that the concept of home doesn’t have anything to do with stacked bricks and cement, but it’s more of the people you share it with, the people you’ve grown to love.

you haven’t felt at home in weeks.

maybe it was rafe’s lack of affection and care, or maybe it’s because he was high off his ass all the time, or maybe because he wasn’t the same boy you loved.

it was a tiring routine, really. he’ll text you to come over, you’ll get a smidge of hope that he’ll finally come around and apologize for being a dickhead, only to find out that you’re there to watch him snort some coke, take care of him as he comes off his high, and go home with a heavy heart.

you didn’t know what happened, the both of you were okay. you were two teenagers in love, not letting the rivalry between the pogues and kooks get in the way of your blooming romance. everything was doing great until he found the same love and happiness in the drugs he once had with you.

you were so sick and tired of it. you still loved rafe, but you don’t know how much more you could handle until you break.

the jingling of the doorknob interrupted your bustling thoughts, you’ve been waiting for rafe in his room. you sighed as you turned off the tv, completely missing half of the movie.

rafe stumbled across the dark room, fumbling with the light switch as he groaned.

as soon as he flickered it on, your gasp caught his attention, “oh, good, you’re here,”

“rafe, what the fuck?” you immediately ran over to him, supporting his figure over to the bed. his face was bruised and he had a bloody nose.

you went straight to the bathroom to grab the first aid kit under the sink’s cupboard. when you stood back up, your reflection caught your attention. you don’t even look like yourself anymore, features of exhaustion shrouding your face.

you sighed, shutting your eyes shut as you tried to keep your tears in bay. it was as if worrying for rafe 24/7 has sucked the life and ambition from you. your eyes looked dead and dark, full of hurt as you thought of rafe and the mess you’d have to deal with once again.

“y/n?” rafe called out, sitting up against the headboard. wincing as he felt the pain of the bruises.

you took one more deep breath before making your way towards him.

“y/n,” he mumbled softly, grimacing as you dabbed the alcohol-soaked cotton on his grazed temple.

you hummed, avoiding eye contact as you continued patching him up.

“i’m sorry, baby. i knew i said i’d stop getting into fights but-“

you let out a shaky breath, leaning your head on his chest. slowly, sobs racked your body as you clenched the bedsheets in your hands, “i’m so tired, rafe, so tired.”

“me, too,” he cooed, rubbing your back soothingly. you looked up at him to see his eyes red and droopy. he was coming off from another high.

you swallowed, applying more antiseptics on his wounds. as you cleaned up the kit, he grabbed your arm and brought you into his embrace. in his drowsy state, he got to slur out a soft, “i love you, y/n,”

ridiculously enough, tears blurred your vision once more. you let them fall as you whimpered against his arms.

“what’s wrong, baby?”

“everything, rafe. i’m so fucking tired of looking after you, you aren’t the same rafe cameron who i fell in love with,” you sniffed, “god forbid i sound pathetic but i don’t want this vile, cruel, and druggy version of you with a tough guy act. i want the rafe who used to cancel golfing out with friends to spend the day watching disney movies with me, the rafe who cooks breakfast in bed, the rafe who loves me and acts as if i was his world.”

you whimpered, ”i- i just want to go home,”

“what do you mean? you are home,” he sat up, trying to blink away the haziness of his eyes.

“no, i’m not, and i haven’t been in weeks!” you cried, removing yourself from his hold.

“y/n, come on. we could fix this, i promise i’ll get better,” he pleaded, his own eyes getting watery.

“i want to go home, rafe, let me go,” you sniffed, “let me go…” you whispered.

slowly, he approached you and pulled you into a hug, letting you cry against his chest.

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry,” he repeated over and over again. his own heart breaking with every noise of pain you made.

with one last kiss on your temple, he separated your bodies, “i’m sorry, i love you.”

you let the tears fall freely, squeezing his hand before letting go, leaving him alone in his room.

you drove away from tannyhill, sniffling as you turned on the radio to block out all intrusive thoughts.

putting your car in park, you didn’t realize that you drove yourself to the chateau until you took in the sight of the small cabin and fairy lights hung around from tree to tree.

you inhaled deeply, rubbing your eyes to wipe away all the tears. you didn’t know if they’ll still welcome you in, but all you could do was hope.

the sound of a car engine made all of the pogues pause their bonfire conversation, they didn’t know what to expect when they jogged towards the porch, but it definitely wasn’t a teary y/n.

“y/n?” kiara’s voice called out, her eyebrows were furrowed just like the rest of them.

your head snapped towards their direction, the sight of the group made your heart clench, you started fumbling with your words, “hey guys, i’m sorry. i don’t know what i’m doing here, i’ll just go, i’m sorry.”

“what’s wrong?” pope asked, watching as kiara walked towards you, opening her arms for a hug.

when she wrapped your arms around you, something about her warmth and their concern about you made you break. you clutched onto her tightly as you let your emotions flood, “i’m sorry,”

she shushed you, rubbing her hand up and down your back as you continued to cry.

their hearts broke as you continued to cry, john b walked past the two boys and brought you into a tight hug, followed by pope and jj.

they slowly lowered into the ground as they enveloped you in a group hug.

home isn’t a place. home is where the other half of your soul is, and home is with the pogues.

you finally feel at home.

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