Evil Saltbaker Is Life, But Reformed Saltbaker Needs Love Too

🍰Evil Saltbaker is life, but reformed Saltbaker needs love too 🍰

Plus the background cause I worked hard on it

The Devil's tail wag. Reblog if you agree.

Invest in the future with education, not punishment.

More Human world

And I for one can’t fuckingwait! 🫠😁

Here's an ask for you to talk about any Hunter thing you want to talk about

THIS IS A PERFECT ASK THANK U LMAO i'm gonna use it up now..

been thinking abt all the instances where hunter's shown almost crying but never actually lets himself cry

just. growing up in the emperor's oven and being raised by belos and, in general, going through everything that he went through, he HAD to learn how to completely hide and mask his negative emotions. and it's not sth u can just.. UNLEARN at once.

showing vulnerability in the emperor's coven...... was definitely not sth you could just do, and definitely not a good idea. like, especially in belos' presence, hunter had to learn how to school his emotions and very carefully choose how he presented himself, for his own safety.

and even the coven members themselves; i can't imagine most scouts would react positively if any saw him cry. or even if USUALLY someone crying wouldn't be such a big deal, hunter definitely wouldn't have let himself do that. growing up powerless, he already had to struggle with being seen as less just for not having magic and he had to work twice as hard to be even a little respected. and, as we see in asias, he still isn't treated seriously by most covenheads; part of it COULD be his age but his lack of magic definitely played a big role in how he's perceived as well. in his situation he just.. couldn't afford to let himself appear as vulnerable, at all; even if others had that luxury. he'd rather mask that with anger than show sadness.

just, he was always kept to an impossibly high standard by belos and by his own need to be as helpful as he could, making himself appear as perfectly capable, a-okay, confident and just doing GREAT. which.... we all know he usually isn't doing as well as he likes to pretend he is.

but even if he didn't try to appear as such anymore and wanted to fully open up, after years of having to endure lots and lots of stuff, he just... most likely got used to a lot of it as well. after YEARS of the same bad things happening to you, you just become numb to some of it. dealing with belos, being the golden guard, working at the emperor's coven, having no support or friends, and every other thing he had to go through everyday throughout his entire life; after dealing with so much stuff for so long, you have to cope with it somehow.

numbness/being more resistant to certain things happening and just generally.. having a hard time acknowledging that you're not doing okay, not crying easily, not wanting ppl to pity you, the tendency to avoid confronting your feelings....... all of that can be seen as hunter's trauma response as well as a self-defense mechanism. and now that he's NOT in the emperor's coven anymore, even though he technically SHOULD be able to open up as he realizes he's safe around his friends, it's not gonna come easily to him.

because deep down he feels a LOT, many things constantly, but he's learnt how to deal with that in his own ways and he's been living in this state of having to act like nothing's wrong for Years; so those small moments in which he willingly opens up.. are a lot for him for sure

i can say with full certainty that he DID cry after hollow mind, once he got to hexside and let himself feel everything he felt and process everything he found out. he COULD because he ran away, hid, and was safely stored away from everyone's prying eyes. he cried it all out and THEN he could buuuury all those negative emotions deep down and pretend everything's fine once again, and appear totally "fine" (not fooling anyone though) when he stumbled across gus.

nevertheless, there were SO many moments in which his eyes teared up and he definitely wanted to cry, but he didn't. he's locked all those sad feelings away and it just makes me wonder whether the dam is eventually going to break, and once it all accumulates, once something becomes his last straw and EVERYTHING he's kept hidden for so long finally spills out of him, and the tears come again but this time don't get stopped in time. this would be a BIG moment for him; a sad one but also.. quite cathartic, in a way.

just............ thinking, y'know

something I drew after rewatching hollow mind for the fourth time :’)