My Motivation To Write Went Bye Bye :(

my motivation to write went bye bye :(

ᯓ✿ treat you better

ˋ°•*⁀➷ giggles then cries,, the boys pining over the other’s partner

ˋ°•*⁀➷ alhaitham x gn! reader

°˖➴ listening to: boyfriend - payday

₊˚ slight angst, unrequited love, friends to lovers, i poured my whole heart out for this one

he’d never lie to you, he’s such a blunt and honest person. it’s simply not something he can partake in, especially not towards you. alhaitham was so blunt when he said kaveh wasn’t right for you. say he’s wrong but you can see the hurt in his eyes when you gently laugh off his advances. spending all this time in a relationship with his own roommate when the self-proclaimed better option was right there just rubbed salt in the open wound that was his heart.

the scholar didn’t believe he had much time for love. at least, that was the case until you practically fell from celestia and into his life. just say the word and he’d give you all the love you’re missing out on. is it really that difficult to see his clear feelings for you? can you really not see that he’s the better option? seeing kaveh’s affection towards you only frustrated him more, especially when you kissed. did all those late nights spent together, promising you’d always be there for each other really mean nothing? even if that meant nothing to you, it was the whole world to alhaitham. no matter how badly he just wants to let you go for his and your sake, he just can’t. it was never that easy.

he’s by no means a stupid man, but sometimes your words towards him leave him stumped and wondering what you truly meant. sleepless, he’d be sitting awake until the sun rose thinking about what you’d said to him. at this point, his love language had become nothing but averted eyes. silence is what he does best. indecisive, he’s secretly happy when you get into an argument with your boyfriend. maybe you’ll finally break up and he’ll have his chance with you. on the other hand, comforting you should be the first priority.

would you even know the meaning behind the words if he told you how he felt? just for the sake of conversation, maybe it would be good to read what he writes about you. but that’s likely the best the scholar will ever get when it comes to you.

One of the weirdest thing about growing up suicidal is that you assume you have no future, you don’t even try to envision it because you see no point. So eventually, you start assuming everyone else sees nothing in your future either. Recently, my friend and I were talking and she said something about how at her wedding I could wear a suit or a dress as long as it matched her bridesmaid’s dresses because the butler of honor has to make a good impression. This hit me so hard because I had never realized before how other people thought about me. She said it so casually like it wasn’t even a hard decision, just a given fact. She loves me so much she saw me at her wedding, standing with her on one of the most important days of her life. And you know what? There are so many people who think about you that way. If that isn’t proof that you should keep going I don’t know what is.

pouring my heart out in the angst one btw

along with a valo rq i’m working on an unrequited love fic hehe