Saw This Somewhere Else And Felt The Need To Post It Cause No One Else Ever Really Tells You This Stuff

Saw this somewhere else and felt the need to post it cause no one else ever really tells you this stuff

every single negative stereotype about women was dreamt up by men who were projecting. fight me about it.

hey, here’s a radical idea: someone saying “no” when you ask for sex is never an act of abuse, and saying otherwise in a conversation about rape victims is deplorable.

if there are other things that were done to you that were abusive, your trauma is always valid. but “not having sex with me” can never be added to the abuser’s list of offenses, because you are never owed sex. 

 if your partner says the reason they said ‘no’ was that you’re ugly, or stupid, or any number of demoralizing things- that is an act of abuse. but the act of abuse is in attacking your sense of self worth, and not in refusing sex. 

the abusive act is that your abuser attributed their ‘no’ to a supposed lack of worthiness on your part. but denying sex in itself is never an act of abuse. when this occurs, you point out that you had your self worth attacked.

 you don’t go around preaching that saying ‘no’ to sex is an abuse tactic, and you especially don’t do it in the chronological middle of a discussion regarding people being pressured into sex. 

the shape of water’s fishman looks like he’d wait till the third date to have sex and when we did it’d be in the candlelight with a handpicked lovemaking playlist on in the background meanwhile venom looks like he’d raw me in a gas station bathroom at 3am

My little entp has depression. She is not herself and i want help her. I'm trying my best but is not enough. Any advices?

Hi nonnie!

I’m sorry that your friend is going through this. Depression is really difficult to beat or even manage, and sometimes it just spring up on ya and it’s just meh. But while you can’t solve it for her, there are things you can do to support her. 

Maybe the first thing about dealing with a friend’s depression is understanding it completely. It’s important to know that even when your friend may be acting like she’s not listening to you, or if she seems to be pulling away, it’s not about you. She’s just trying to deal. Also, know it can’t just be fixed by someone other than the person who is depressed (which makes it so hard to beat, my god). 

So as an ENTP who has persistent depressive disorder, I have a few tips that are actually like low-key super helpful for us. 

1. Make sure your ENTP eats

I find with the low Si, depressed ENTPs quickly forgo the small things required for taking care of ourselves. For me, it was food. I high-key just didn’t eat… and it wasn’t on purpose, I just didn’t care about anything and I forgot about food. My best friend began to ask me to go grocery shopping with her and she’d go out of her way to make me remember to get foods that I like– easy snack type foods that don’t require the effort (but keep me with sustenance). Other friends literally texted me to remind me to eat, and gradually I got back into the habit of eating all of my meals on time. But just eating takes away some of the burden of being tired already from depression. 

2. Invite the ENTP to exercise too

This take time because exercising literally isn’t fun (lol don’t @ me), but it’s good for you, and a great habit to get into to release those stress-reducing chemicals. Health health health hELPS. It really does. 

3. Be open to listening or even talking. 

So this depends on the person, but I found that for me, it realllllly helped me to talk about depression with people who had it before– I only learned this after a few months of therapy (which it’s hard to get to that point in the first place), but after therapy, whenever someone wanted to discuss depression, or its effects, knowing that you’re not the only one, and being able to share it with someone really helps. ENTPs really struggle with knowing what they’re feeling, and comprehending it, so the discussion kind of allows us (or at least it allowed me) to begin to process the problems that I was facing. 

4. Just be there!

This ties into literally all of them. But I have friends that randomly kept me in mind and invited me to random things, and it really helped to get me out of my head. There are up days and down days despite friends being around, and it’s hard to predict each day. But health is the first step because it helps sO much, and having a network of people around who she can trust is also wonderful. 

I really hope that your friend feels better, and she’s lucky to have you! Best of luck to you both. xx

It’s All A Fucking Joke, Right

In the few months I’ve been modding at fuckyeahasexual and touring ace Tumblr, there’s been a very. Steady. Stream of info that detail horrifically abusive situations and overall poor mental unhealth. Two a week in the inbox if I’m lucky, usually around seven-ten.

And there’s been so many, I can officially categorize all 500+ of these kinds of asks and submissions into an extensive bulletlist of Why Asexual Exclusionary Radicalism Is Incredibly Toxic And Shitty;

Coming Out To Family, Friends, And Employers

“My parents keep telling me that I’m something else, and it’s making me doubt my sense of judgement, not just about my sexual identity, but also about everything in general.”

“My family, friends, and co-workers keep referring to me as an inanimate object in a manner that’s clearly meant to humiliate and devastate me. Nothing I say will get them to stop.”

“My parents vocally/bodily forced me to undergo medical examinations, some of them concerning my sexual organs, many of them concerning blood tests and other trauma-centric procedures.”

“My family is intervening with my private life by changing my schedule to include exercise, socialization, friend influences, and whatever they think can ‘change’ me.”

“My friends/co-workers no longer respect my bodily boundaries when I came out to them, because they no longer see me as someone who should be respected. They regularly touch, fondle, grope, and prod me without permission, and/or verbally harass me, and don’t take my objections seriously.”

“My family, friends, and co-workers no longer just harass me, but also anyone I’m currently dating because they view my significant other as pathetic, underserved, or even being abused.”

First Few Days Of Dating

“My date got irrationally angry and confrontational when I came out to them, in a manner that made me fearful.” (SO many of these.)

“My date immediately lost any respect they had for my boundaries, no longer asked for consent, and {tried to} force themselves upon me.” (A lot of these, too)

“My date tried to verbally circumvent any boundaries and issues I confessed to, and it made me feel like I was in danger.”

“I didn’t come out to my date at first, and when they found out, they radically changed their behavior in an attempt to control and manipulate our new relationship to their benefit.”

Long-Term Relationships

“My partner has forcefully and radically changed our long-term relationship after finding out about my asexuality, and I’m now trapped and controlled in a way that I wasn’t before.”

“My partner broke up with me/is fighting with me because of my asexuality, and trying to make it seem like I’m hurting them. It’s made me doubt myself and my ability to trust my own intentions.”

“My partner is slowly changing from what was once supportive of my asexuality, and I’m wondering when I have the right to be worried and when I’d be overreacting. I’m aware of the worst case scenario, but I also worry that I’m being selfish and childish - which are things I’ve been told all throughout my asexual experience.”

Self-Care And Self Development

“I don’t trust my ability to say either yes or no in sexual situations, and this has extended to my life in general. I don’t feel comfortable in my ability to self-determinate.”

“The lack of authority, definition, and schooling of the concept of asexuality has made me very uncomfortable with what I think I am, and that uncertainty haunts me every waking moment.”

“I think it’s too late/too early to tell if I’m asexual, but the longer I hesitate, the worse my mental health and emotional wellbeing gets. I’m effectively stuck.”

“I see no benefit in coming out, or even identifying as asexual. There’s no positivity, role models, or supportive community for what I consider a big and scary part of my overall identity.”

“I think this was sexual abuse, but I’m wondering if I’m just being selfish and childish.”

“I think I was treated badly by my parents/friends/partner, but I’m wondering if I’m just being selfish and childish.”

“I want to believe that I’m deserving of equal freedom and human respect paid to other, not asexual people, but people tell me I’m being selfish and childish.”

“No one encourages this part of me. And that makes me feel forgotten and abandoned in general.”

Shut the fuck up about your petty beef with tumblr bloggers and youtubers and Archie comics or whatever. I literally do not care, I can’t care. I see these messages every goddamn day - this post was written and drafted a month ago, and I very easily compiled most of this bulletpoint list from scratch, just by eyeing what I see in the askbox and what comes across my dash. 

‘Ace discourse’ anger is empty and so meaningless. This is what I see by being part of this one 17k follow asexual ask blog for maybe half a year. I am so Done with all the faux rage posts and all the false positivity about how it’s ok to NOT be ace and all the acephobia that falls perfectly in line with the gaslighting typical of acephobia-101 while also having the audacity to claim it not so.

This is what’s real and I want to bleed it into your goddamn eyes.