That Big Damn Kiss.

That big damn kiss.

(aka how to give the audience what they want in the way they do not want)

If you’re looking for the definition of “the big damn kiss” trope, you’ll find this: “in all probability it's a first kiss that finally puts an end to unresolved sexual tension and/or other typical obstacles that get in the way of true love. The scenery will be epic, the camera will go wild, the music will swell, maybe there'll be some fireworks”.

The GO script is well aware of the trope and plays with it, as well as with our feelings.

So, what happened here?

Let's go back to the definition of the trope and let’s compare it with the kiss scene in episode 6.

Yes, we have the scenario - the beloved bookshop - the camera that goes wild, the music in crescendo. We may not have fireworks, but the music is very reminiscent of the one heard in the beginning, when Crowley created the stars. And this is a first kiss, we can be almost sure of it, very anticipated from a big part of the audience. However this isn’t the “one fabulous kiss” that we wanted. How so?

Let's see how it differs from the trope. Well, it’s supposed to end an unresolved sexual tension (it doesn’t) and/or other obstacles (it doesn’t - the Metronome bitch is still out there, lurking in, as well as the whole emotional baggage that Crowley and Aziraphale are carrying with them). And, above all, it's sad. Not just for them, but for us. It may seem a silly thing to point out, but I don’t think so. Watching the scene, you - the audience - are overwhelmed by the emotional vibe of it, especially if you have an empathetic personality. I surely was overwhelmed. Because, let's be honest, I knew that there was no way that kiss was leading to a happy ending (at least for season 2). I wanted a happy ending so bad, instead I was thinking wait, is my comfort show breaking my heart? How did we get to this?

Let’s dive more into the pain.

I’ve read some posts about the kiss when the show first aired. They were mostly about what the kiss isn’t. It isn’t sexual, it isn’t the proof of their love, it isn’t even romantic in the context of the narrative. (However, let’s face the elephant in the room. If you put a male and a female lead in a show, most of the audience just assume they’ll become romantically involved at some point. It’s not the same for queer characters. So I think that, beyond the narrative, the kiss is important to show even to the most stubborn viewer that they’re not just bros being bros, best buddies or whatever).

Back to the narrative. Let's examine Crowley and Aziraphale's POVs separately to fully immerse ourselves into the tragedy. It’s all fun and games here.

Starting with Crowley. I've already written here and here about how the sense of unworthiness is a big part of Crowley’s personality. He spent centuries building emotional defenses around himself, using the sunglasses as a physical barrier to hide his eyes as well as his feelings. He doesn't allow himself to be vulnerable, because it would lead to reopening old wounds. He shows difficulty to welcome praises or help, even from Aziraphale.

But he’s finally ready to let go of his barriers, as much as possible. He’s scared and maybe he had prepared a little speech in his mind. But he doesn’t get the chance to speak.

“Hold that thought… and Crowley’s face breaks. “Tell me you said no”, tell me you’re not asking me to return to heaven, that only place worst than hell, the place where the whole trauma began. Tell me you’re not asking me the one thing that I can’t give you.

When Crowley says "No nightingales" is already defeated: he knows that it’s too late, it is always too late. He knows that he lost Aziraphale, just as he has lost his stars.

He hasn’t planned the kiss. But, since this is the end, he instinctively searches for something, stronger than words, to prove his feelings, his love. Crowley’s idea of “vavoom” is the fabulous kiss in the rain, remember? A big, angsty, passionate, cinematic moment. So kissing Aziraphale is Crowley’s last effort, since words have failed him, to show what they could be, what they already are. And maybe there’s also a part of him that is thinking I want you to want me, consequences be damned.

But Crowley is the one who breaks the kiss. He feels rejected already. The intrusive thought to be unloved and unlovable - because he’s a demon after all - is always there. And that “I forgive you” only confirms it.

And now Aziraphale. Aziraphale's romantic ideal can be found in Jane Austen's books. Books full of yearning and pining, where to touch each other's bare hands without gloves is an overwhelming sensual experience. But Jane Austen’s books aren’t only formal dances and petticoats. Society’s commentary is a central theme of her works. If you think about “Pride and Prejudice”, Lizzie and Darcy struggle between their feelings and societal expectations. The gap between their social status influences their choices, but their love for each other ultimately becomes a catalyst for personal growth and to overcome the social norms.

And, of course, the misunderstanding trope. I would say that the core of Darcy's character is how easily he can be misunderstood by the people around him. He seems rude and indifferent, he has a lot of emotional barriers that hide a kind heart. And his love language is acts of service. Rings any bell? Can you see why Aziraphale loves this book?

When Aziraphale organizes the ball, when he succeeds in grabbing Crowley’s hand and bringing him to dance floor, everything in his mind is screaming peak romance. Who knows what would have happened if the demons and the Metabitch hadn't gotten in the way?

I’ve already written here how we must not forget Aziraphale’s background: for 6000+ he had to deal with an oppressive structure, heaven, that had indoctrinated him into the black and white mentality, the dichotomy between good and evil. Immortal beings don’t have free will, they are divided into the angel/demon binary system.

“Look, I am good. You - to Crowley - I'm afraid, are evil. But people get a choice.”

“Well, obviously you said no to Hell, you're the bad guys. But Heaven... Well, it's the side of truth, of light, of good.”

Are you sure that you’re sure, Azi? Aziraphale’s learning and he’s strong (perhaps more than he believes to be), but he’s not quite healed yet. An abusive environment isn’t easy to escape. Sometimes Aziraphale still clings to those old concepts he was indoctrinated into. That’s why I don’t buy the coffee theory and I think he makes a choice in the final 15 minutes. Of course that choice is heavily manipulated by the Metronome’s tactics (more about that bitch’s master plan here.)

The Metatron, in order to achieve what I think it’s his evil goal, must separate Crowley and Azi, because they have proven, with the 25 lazari miracle, to be an unexpected force to deal with. He needs to create a schism between them that can not be mended. So he puts on a compassionate facade, while playing with Aziraphale’s beliefs and insecurities.

Aziraphale believes that, every time Crowley has done a good deed, it was because he really shouldn't have fallen. He also believes to be able to change heaven and make it a safer place. And, most of all, he believes to have found a way for him and Crowley to be together.

He wants desperately Crowley to go with him. He begs. He has tears in his eyes while he screams “I need you”.

Then, Crowley grabs him abruptly and the kiss happens. It isn’t tender. It’s raw, human and real. So real it may change everything. It isn’t chaste and safe as a Jane Austen-esque ball.

Aziraphale is shocked. But, despite all his fear, confusion, anger, desire, guilt and repressed emotions, just for a moment he abandons himself to the kiss. Just for a moment. He places BOTH hands on Crowley’s back.

I have evidence.

See? Both hands on Crowley’s back. Can’t you see it? Don't worry, I zoomed on Azi’s hands, because I have lost all my dignity as well as my sanity.

At the bottom of the picture, in the center: a glimpse of Aziraphale’s left hand.

For a brief moment, he’s hugging him, he’s holding on to him. He allows himself to feel. Just like with the ox ribs. He was starving and he didn’t know.

But what he does know is that those feelings - this desire, this desperate, repressed and human love - are forbidden for an angel.

So, what happens when feelings of unworthiness and self-loathing meet repressed, forbidden feelings?

This.

And this.

They misunderstood each other. They both feel rejected. They're both thinking: don't you want to be with me? I thought that's what you wanted too.

They are two celestial beings that love each other deeply, in a human and in a more than an human way, in a way that makes them an us.

They’re fated, they’re star crossed.

Ohhh this is marvelous 💜

it seemed criminal that there wasn't a good omens edit to history hates lovers... so, here :]

Munch munch munch

I may do a series on how many different ways Crowley can get rid of The Metatron.

Gourgeous!

I added all of these Crowley eras on my Inprnt (single ones and in groups of 3) if you want to get yourself a print! 🥰

Crowley is a liquid 🤣

CATSBANDS

All of the options.. Truly