Royal Library.

royal library.

Pairing: Reader x Ateez's Seonghwa AU: Royalty Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut (18+ scene) Preview: You turn to look at Seonghwa, "Thank you for keeping my secret," You smile at him and he returns it, quickly standing to bow, "Of course, your highness. Your secret is safe with me". Words: 10.1k *Warnings under cut

Warnings: There is only one short smut scene (unprotected, penetrative sex), mentions of dying/being killed, infidelity? depends on your thoughts; it's an arranged marriage, pregnancy.

"Do you think his highness is handsome?"

You send a quick glare to your younger sister, where she sits on your bed, through the mirror of your vanity, looking past your lady in waiting who dotes on your hair. "I don't think that matters much, Rose," you speak out with an even tone. You're not one to share your emotions or thoughts with those who work around you, traumatized from the time one of your butlers heard you talk bad about a visiting elite family. He dimed you out to your nanny and advisor and you were punished for your thoughtlessness.

"So you're telling me you wouldn't care if you had to spend the rest of your life with someone you didn't find attractive? To have to," she pauses leaning in to speak closer to you, "Make babies with him?" Despite the work being done on your hair, you can't help but snap your head in her direction, completely in shock, "Rose!" you call out, feeling your face heating up with embarrassment. The younger girl can't help but laugh at you and you apologize to the woman behind you. Trying to keep your composure, you answer her, "All I'm saying is that there is no point to wish for him to look or act a certain way because what's settled is settled and there is nothing I can do about whom I am to marry".

Rose is the youngest of your parents three children, and even though she is but a couple years younger than you, you felt she still acted as a child. You blamed it on the fact she was coddled as the baby of the family. Your older sister was married some years ago and moved to her husband's kingdom, that left the throne of your own kingdom to you. Therefore leaving little Rose with no responsibility and no worries when it came to the politics of being a princess. Unfortunately, you couldn't say the same for yourself. Today would be the day that your future husband would move into your castle. You were betrothed to the Prince, a middle child himself, from a Kingdom just inland from yours. The engagement was arranged just months after he was born, being a year younger than you. And now all these years later, he was coming and you would meet for the first time.

"You look beautiful," your sister claims taking your full attire in now that you are the only two in the room. You give her a smile as you smooth down your dress, moving back in forth to take in your appearance in front of the large mirror. "Do you really not care about the man you are to marry?" She wonders, moving to straighten the tail of your dress. Letting out a sigh, you still your movements, "I think all I can do now Rose, is hope that he is a kind and understanding man".

You're thankful that the arrival of the Prince served as an event rather than a private dinner where you were certain you would've died from the awkwardness. The was ballroom filled with your family members as well as the other elite families that served important roles in the kingdom. The King and Queen wanted to throw a proper welcoming for the Prince; a welcoming to his new home.

Though the guests mingled about the room, sipping on drinks and snacking on hor d'oeuvres, the Prince and his company have yet to join. His ship had docked safely merely hours ago, you watching on your balcony with Rose, gulping loudly at the realization the man you were to spend the rest of your life with was aboard. The Prince and his small entourage politely asked for a couple hours of rest and time to prepare for the occasion, hence the delayment of their arrival here.

Making sure to stay in the corner of the room, you steered clear or any refreshments or food, the constant twirling of your stomach becoming uncomfortable as the anticipation grew. Finally, the butler closest to the door rang a bell, "May I present, his highness, Prince Wooyoung of Twilight".

The two large doors open as the crowd fall silent, moving to allow room for the new guests. You realize you're out of place when you notice your mother sending you a look, and you hurry and take your place next to her, your father and your sister. A few of the Prince's members enter first and you grip your dress tightly on your sides, in an attempt to ground you as well as dry the sweat forming on your palms.

You suck in a breath as you finally see the Prince enter the room, decked out in a deep red suit, the crown adorning his head sporting large rubies, the color of his Kingdom. He wears a happy smile, making sure to acknowledge everyone in the room as they make their way down the aisle people formed in order to meet you. You see Rose lean over your father in order to get your attention, "He's beautiful!" She whispers just loud enough to hear as your father sends her an unimpressed look. You merely look back to the Prince, his shiny black hair almost bouncing as he nods his head to those greeting him. With a gulp you straighten your posture as the small group approaches your family. You're thankful the music has started again along with small chatter making the atmosphere more comfortable. Prince Wooyoung stands front in center smiling brightly at your family, "It is a pleasure to finally meet you all, thank you for such a warm welcome". He gives his proper bow before standing up straight again. Your father begins to talk to him, introducing himself along with the rest of you as you let your eyes linger at the group of men in front of you. After taking in the Prince once again, you look at the men standing behind him, orbs gazing across them. However, once you see the man standing behind his right shoulder, you can't help but do a double take.

He stands slightly taller than the Prince, posture and gaze amazing as if he were royalty himself. You can't force your gaze away from him, studying his strong nose and full lips. He's beautiful, you think.

"And may I introduce my daughters," your attention is drawn back as your father introduces Rose and you to the Prince. Prince Wooyoung moves forward to take Rose's hand into his, giving it a small peck, you try to hide your smirk at how flustered she gets before the Prince moves to you. He does the same formality to you, warm hand taking in your own as he brings it up to his lips. His warm eyes stay on yours as he retreats, giving you a knowing look and small smile. This is it, his look says, this is the first moment of the rest of our lives.

You begin to feel slightly emotional and overwhelmed at the whole ordeal and you have to blink several times to contain any tears that try to surface, gluing your eyes to the floor to hide from anyone who may see. "May I introduce those who came with me from Twilight," the Prince says cheerfully. He introduces a few of his trusted guards, along with his personal butler before getting to the man you were captivated by earlier. "This is my advisor, Mr. Park Seonghwa". You find your gaze lifting once again to follow this Seonghwa as he steps forward to greet your family. "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance," he speaks with a polite smile, eyes roaming along the line of you all before his gaze stops on you before bowing. You wonder if anyone could tell your cheeks have turned pink as your eyes locked, his dark eyes sending butterflies to your stomach.

Once the introductions were done, your mother steps forward clasping her hands, "Well then, you all must be famished from your journey. Shall we head to the dining room?" The Prince smiles brightly, hand coming to rest on his stomach, "I couldn't think of a better idea myself". She smiles at him as well as those around him, "Welcome home".

The past week since Prince Wooyoung came has been extremely busy, nearly everyday filled with schedules with the newly arrivals from the kingdom of Twilight. Showing them around the castle, the kingdom, introducing them to many people. Though it was the middle of winter now, your wedding was not set to take place till autumn; near the harvest moon for luck. However, both royal families agreed it was best for the Prince to move into your castle prior to the wedding. He was going to be the next King of your kingdom and they wanted to make sure he was fit for the job before it was sprung on him. He seemed good to you, not stern or self absorbed. He easily got along to everyone he was introduced to. Even the people in the village adoring him as his came into town to introduce himself and learn more about the people he is to rule soon. Prince Wooyoung was attentive to what he was learning about your home, he asked questions and took in every detail he could. Both of your parents have already told you how pleased they were at what an amazing Prince and person he was.

Though the week was busy following the Prince around, you have still yet to be alone with him. Not that you minded too much, though you would like to get to know him better before you were eventually wed, you rather get to know him at your own pace. That way, you could at least control one thing about your relationship.

It was finally the weekend and you have already decided to stay up later than usual this Saturday night. You were exhausted from the prior week but there was one thing you missed; your alone time. The only time you got to yourself was when you were in bed so you missed your occasional outings to the library just across from your room.

This library was not the main one in the castle, it was just a small library on the floor you reside on, meant to only be used by those sleeping on this level. But that meant most of the time it was only you and your sister Rose. Not that you found it trivial, for you loved the nights most where you snuck out of bed at night, moving across the hallway to take solstice in the small library, lighting the fire and enjoying a book in the peace and quiet with only yourself. As a princess, it was not often that you could be alone. Ladies in waiting, guards, or advisors following your every move for your safety, so they said. So you made sure everyone thought you were asleep before you made your trip.

You pulled your robe tighter around your nightgown, sneakily checking the hallway before deciding it was clear. Carrying your candle, you scurry to the door across from your own, making sure to open and close it as quietly as possible. Releasing your breath once you figure your safe, you set the candle down, moving to the fireplace to light a bigger source of light. Finding the latest book you were reading last time you were in the library, you make yourself comfortable on the small couch in front of the flames. The fire to your left providing just enough brightness for you to read your book.

It couldn't have been longer than 10 minutes before you hear the handle of the library door start to turn. You freeze in your spot before standing abruptly, heart pounding as you will yourself to think of an excuse as to why were out of your room unannounced and hiding away in here. You gulp as the door finally opens, but rather than a guard or butler entering the room like you expected, your brows furrow as you take in Park Seonghwa, Prince Wooyoung's advisor. You're unsure if this should make you less or more worried than you were before. He shuts the door quietly as you had before, turning around and finally taking notice of you behind him. At the sight of you he lets out a small shout of surprise, stumbling the piles of papers in his arms.

You're more overcome by the need for him to be quiet than being embarrassed of him seeing you, "Shh!" You hush him loudly, dropping your book and moving forward to him, showing him your finger pressed against your lips. "Please," you talk quietly to him, "I'd prefer if no one knew I was in here". Seonghwa nods, taking a deep breath, seemingly trying to calm down. He swallows, taking you in before quickly averting his gaze to the floor, "I apologize, your highness". You look down and remember your only wearing your nightly attire, not exactly appropriate for anyone to see the princess in. You quickly tighten your robe even further and cross your arms to cover yourself even more as the man in front of you continues to talk. "The butler informed me I could work in this library rather than walking to the main one since my residence is on this floor. I had no idea you would also be in here, please excuse me".

You gather he intends to leave, but you see no need for that, worried if they see him leave so soon after entering they might figure someone else in in here and find you out. "Please, don't apologize. I like to come here some nights and read but I keep it a secret as I would enjoy some alone time once in a while. Please, make yourself comfortable for your work, I would just appreciate it if you didn't mention to anyone you saw me here". Seonghwa nods, hesitantly looking at you before he bows, "Thank you, your highness". You give him a smile as he moves to the desk in the room, situated across from the couch. Leaning down, you pick up the book you had dropped before, fingering through in an attempt to find your page. "I won't be long, I'll just finish this chapter and leave you to your work". You sit back on the couch, sitting up straight and proper unlike before.

From the table across from you, Seonghwa shakes his head, "No, please don't feel the need to rush. You were here first, I just needed a space to get these letters done". He organizes the papers on the table before sitting down himself in his chair. The atmosphere falls quiet, and even though it isn't awkward, you find yourself unable to concentrate on your book; eyes frequently moving to take in the concentrated look on the boy in front of you.

A sudden flash of lightning shone through the windows above, an echo of thunder following shortly after. Seonghwa looks up at you in surprise by the sudden weather change, the sound of heavy rain can be heard throughout the castle. You give him a small smile, "Winter is our rainy season here". He nods, seemingly coming to understand. He looks back down at his paper but continues the conversation, "Does it ever snow?". "Never," you speak, closing your book and setting it beside you, "There isn't much high elevation here, plus we're surrounded by water so the environment doesn't make for very cold temperatures". Seonghwa looks up at you once more, "Aurora must have beautiful summers then," he speaks of your kingdom. You smile proudly, "Summers are amazing, all because of all the beaches of course. It may get hot but the breeze from the sea makes it bearable and the water from the ocean is refreshing to swim in". He smiles back at you, "I can't wait to experience it then".

He starts writing once again, but you purse your lips, not wanting the conversation to end. You speak up once more, "I've never seen snow before". Seonghwa looks up in shock, "Never?". You shake your head, "I've only left Aurora once, for my sisters wedding. But it took place in spring". Seonghwa hums pausing as if contemplating if he should continue speaking or not. "I can't imagine only being in one place forever," he finally says.

This only intrigues you, "Do you like to travel?" He smiles, "I love it actually, well when I got to I did." You nod at him to continue, "I'm from a small town where my family owned a orchard. We would often travel to different towns and villages to sell our harvest. But I ended up studying at a university in Twilight and I got my job as Prince Wooyoung's advisor," he moves to gesture towards the paperwork in front of him. You smile gently at him, "I wish to travel one day too". "I'm sure Prince Wooyoung will take you one day, to see Twilight at the very least".

You find your smile falling, but look to the fire to try to hide it from the dark eyes looking at you. Seonghwa clears his throat at the silence, "Are we to expect you at brunch tomorrow". Sighing, you use it as a chance to take your leave, "Yes, I will be there. Speaking of the occasion, I should probably see myself to bed". You stand, careful of your robe placement, moving to grab your candle from before. You turn to look at Seonghwa, "Thank you for keeping my secret," You smile at him and he returns it, quickly standing to bow, "Of course, your highness. Your secret is safe with me".

It's but a week later where you found yourself in the same predicament. Although this time you found yourself more prepared. You made sure to throw on a sweater on top of your gown and robe to appear more modest; it was already unheard of for a princess to be alone with a man before marriage unsupervised, but to be alone and merely wearing your nightly attire? You imagine it wouldn't go well for you.

So although this Saturday night you weren't expecting anything, perhaps a bit hopeful, you dressed more modestly, even making sure to brush through your hair before you ventured across in secret. Just in case a certain advisor happened to appear again. When the door to the library opened, you stood once more but only slightly less nervous about who was to come. Seonghwa also seemed more prepared as when he entered he gave you a smile and a bow rather than shouting in surprise, "Correspondence," he explains gesturing to the papers in his hands.

You both fall into a comfortable silence, Seonghwa writing away while you continue reading your book. However, you found that once you finished the book in your lap you had no desire to leave quite yet. Pondering, you try your best of ways to spark up conversation with the man sitting at the desk. Not sure why you're feeling the desperate need to speak with him once again. "How is Prince Wooyoung's company?" You finally find yourself asking. Seonghwa looks up from his paperwork, "Your highness?" He asks, not understanding your question. You feel your cheeks growing red, "Sorry, I just mean," You pause looking to rephrase your question, "Is the Prince a kind man?" Seonghwa's eyes seem to light up with understanding, putting his pen down to answer you. "Of course he is, I can promise you that". He cracks a smile as he recalls a memory, choosing to tell you about all the great times he's had with the Prince since getting his job. You listen with an adoring smile on your face, it was clear he found a friend in Prince Wooyoung.

"But anyways," he catches his rambling, "If I could tell you one thing, I think if you were in a position where you were unable to choose who you were to marry, to be able to marry Prince Wooyoung is truly lucky. Wooyoung is hard not to love". He concludes, and although it was meant to reassure you, you suddenly feel blue. "I suppose," you speak, "But there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone".

Seonghwa's smile falls and your gut turns at your confession. Having just confessed to the Prince's advisor a reluctance to marry could've just been a detrimental mistake. What he will do with this information you're unsure but you know it could very well be bad for you. "I'm sorry," Seonghwa speaks in a quiet voice, his larges eyes looking somewhat sad as he takes you in. Unsure of what to do next, you give him a quick nod before announcing your leave.

"Princess," he calls just as you reach the door to the library, "Your secret's safe with me".

You're surprised when Wednesday after breakfast it was announced that Prince Wooyoung requested you to join him for a walk around the gardens. It was the first day in a while the sun was beaming in the sky rather than greyness and rain. Though feeling a bit nervous, you join the Prince at the entrance of the rose garden maze, several guards keeping an eye on you both just a few steps behind. "Thank you for joining me," He speaks with a charming smile, bowing once you make your way over to him. "It's my pleasure," You return the smile and proper greeting as you both step into the path.

"Despite being winter, the roses are still so vibrant" the Prince observes as you walk slowly along the stone path. Smiling you reply, "Our winters are rather warm compared to most places. Even still, once it becomes spring you will seen how truly beautiful the flowers will bloom". He turns to smile at you before gulping, "I apologize for not making more of an effort to spend time with you, Princess. I knew becoming King would make me a busy man but I had no idea it would start as soon as I stepped off the ship". He lets out a nervous chuckle and huffs out a laugh as well, "I understand, your highness. They have thrust a lot of responsibility on you right away. I can only hope you are still enjoying Aurora".

"Oh, I am. It's beautiful here and everyone has been so kind to me. But my advisor was right, Seonghwa mentioned to me I should make more time to spend with you. We are to be married and I want us to be comfortable". You try not to visibly stiffen at the mention of Seonghwa bringing the idea up. He clearly felt the need to tell the Prince after what you had confessed to him in the library. "We have plenty of time before the wedding, Prince Wooyoung. I have no worries about that, but either way I am glad we get to enjoy this sunny day together". You give him a smile, desperate to reassure him.

The next Saturday rolls around, and the next, and the next. Saturday nights reading and working turned into Saturday nights socializing and joking with the Prince's advisor. And before you know it, Saturday meetings with Seonghwa also become Friday and Sunday meetings as well. Spending the weekend with Seonghwa has become the highlight of your week and yet at the same time you find yourself getting worried.

Rather than being immersed in your books like before he came along, now you are often sharing long conversations with the boy across from you or merely staring at him as discreet as possible if he works. Over the past weeks, your conversations are no longer only pleasantry. You talk to Seonghwa, truly talk to him about real things that you think and feel, and he listens. He listens and he makes you feel heard and understood, as if you're not just a Princess but a person, a friend of his. You enjoy the nights most when he tells you of his travels with his family, speaking of all different villages and kingdoms for you to imagine. You're a fool if you didn't notice the lingering stares and bashful smiles you both exchange, but there wasn't much you could do. Instead, you have chosen to merely pick from the romance section when you do read, blushing when you imagine the leads as you and Seonghwa.

You know it's wrong to grow such feelings for him, especially when you have to be married in the autumn, but you can't help it. You've found a friend in Seonghwa, someone to confide in and trust. You enjoy his company more than you ever thought possible and every meeting you both have, even more romantic feelings bubble up despite yourself.

Spring has come to Aurora and although the rain has lessened, there are still storms that bring rain and thunder. Tonight was one of those storms, although your Kingdom has just celebrated the coming of Spring with a major festival all day, now the festivities were over the night sky is blanketed with grey clouds and lightning. You don't mind, in fact you probably prefer it as you listen to the sound of the storm from within the library as you read your book next to the fire. To say you're reading though may be misleading as you actually hold a book in your lap as you listen to Seonghwa excitedly tell you his experience at the Spring festival. As he has no work to be done tonight, rather than sitting as the desk as usual, he chose to sit next to you on the couch. Keeping a respectable distance of course, but closer than you had ever been nonetheless.

You stare at the boy as he tells you his stories, seeing him up close like his makes your heart pound and you decide he is the most beautiful person you've ever seen. Noticing he stops talking and is looking back at you, you become self conscious, "Sorry?" you ask. He lets out a nervous chuckle, "I just said I apologize for boring you with my stories". Your eyes widen, almost panicked, "No! Oh, gosh, of course you haven't bored me. Please forgive me for making you think that. I just,I-"

You start to stumble as you try to weigh the pros and cons of what could come out of your mouth, yet your judgement is clouded with Seonghwa beside you, "I was just a bit distracted because I've realized how beautiful you really are up close".

His eyes widen in shock before he looks down, and you stutter to think again, "Not that I didn't think you were beautiful before. I always did, now you're just close and-" You stop yourself with a sigh as you notice the redness making its way up his neck but yet can't seem to regret telling him, even if you did sound foolish. Finally he reaches your eyes once again, "You are very beautiful too, your highness". You let out a small laugh as you avert your eyes, can't help but feeling a bit of a sting at his comment as if he has to agree with you because you a Princess. A second passes before he moves beside you on the couch, but rather than get up and take his leave as you thought he would, he moves closer to you, close enough that his arm brushes flush against yours. You freeze as the warmth of him, "What are you reading?" You're unable to face him as you answer, briefly describing the romance book on your lap. "Perhaps you can read to me for a bit".

Slowly letting your eyes meet him, having to gaze up because of how close he is, he gives you a smile to reassure you. You clear your throat before moving to start reading near the beginning of the book where left off.

You read through a couple of pages before you feel Seonghwa start to move beside you. Your breath gets caught in your throat as he places one his hands gently on your chin, moving your head upwards to meet his gaze, eyes meeting his round ones. His hand is warm and soft as it lingers, moving from your chin to cup your jaw. "I apologize for what I'm about to do," he states whispering, "Please forgive me". You avert your gaze, head feeling slightly dizzy as you try your best to process what he is telling you. Before you get a chance to answer, he leans forward to gently press his lips against yours. The lips you were staring at so intently before were now pressed against your own. The softness of them makes your eyes flutter closed, hands dropping the book closed as they reach to hold Seonghwa instead, afraid he will slip away if you don't. You both become lost as you kiss, not recalling who are or what duties you have, merely enjoying the taste of each other, lulled by the sound of the storm outside.

The next night you become fearful that Seonghwa will not return to the library, especially because of what happened before. You sit nervously on the same couch, not even bothering to open your book as you look blankly at the empty desk across from you. You knew what had happened had been a mistake, yet you didn't regret it at all. But did he?

You could only guess he had as the night drew later and he had yet to make an appearance. Feeling defeated, you let out a sigh rising to put out the fire and return to your room. You knew it was risky from the start, even just being alone with him in the room doing nothing but reading and working would get you both in trouble. Now though, having crossed the line and made your romantic feelings known for each other was even worse. Perhaps this caught up with Seonghwa and he was too guilty or scared to meet you tonight. But as you move, you hear the door slowly open, you turn quickly, a smile rising on your lips as Seonghwa quietly moves through the door, "You came". As he moves closer to you, you can sense your excited sentiment in not returned. You look on confused as he gives you a quick bow, "I apologize, your highness. What happened last night was unacceptable. Please, I beg of you to excuse my behavior". Your eyebrows furrow as he refuses to meet your gaze. "Did you tell someone?" you whisper out, figuring it was the only explanation for his change of behavior. Seonghwa finally meets your eyes, looking panicked, "No! Of course I would never," knowing it wouldn't end well for either of you.

You take him in again, feeling confused as ever, "Do you regret it?" He gulps, eyes wandering over your face, "I wish I did".

At his reply you found yourself walking towards him, "Then why?" You don't phrase a real question but you know he understands when moves his gaze to the floor, "It's inappropriate, Princess. You are to be married, to Prince Wooyoung, he is my Prince, he is my dear friend". Irritation bubbles up in your chest, "The Prince is not my lover, Seonghwa. He is a kind man whom I am to marry at some point but I have no romantic feelings for him". "It is not fair for me to hide my true feelings for another because of a man I was chosen to marry before I could even talk! The Prince is not the one who I want to spend my time with, he is not the one I confide in, he is not the one I want to kiss."

Whereas Seonghwa was studying your face before, he now looks down painfully at your confession, "Please don't do this to me". You feel your lips wobble as you try your best to resist the tears in your eyes, "If you decide to leave now and never come to meet me again, that is fine. But please, don't do it because who I am or my obligations. However, if you do not share the same sentiments as me, and wish to leave, I will not object". You manage to get out despite your shaky voice.

The library is silent except for the crackling of the fire as you wait for Seonghwa's decision. You nearly cry of relief when he takes steps towards you, moving forward to grasp your face in his hands, thumb moving to swipe at a tear that had fallen. He doesn't speak, merely moving forward to connect your lips much like they were the prior night. He finally separates, but keeps your foreheads connected. "It can be a secret," you finally whisper out, causing him to let out a huffed laughed. He smiles at the ground before moving to kiss you once more, "Your secret is safe with me".

You've decided time moves much too fast for your liking when it's already the beginning of summer. Weekend nights with Seonghwa don't feel like nearly enough and you have both resorted to meeting on some week nights as well. Much like tonight, a Thursday night, but you both grew inpatient having not seen each other all week due to the whole castle being busy with preparations for the summer festival.

You lay on your back now, Seonghwa hovering over you as you're both on the floor next to the fire. The blankets you both lay on are not particularly thick but they provide enough comfort for you both to revel in your kisses. Nearly every one of your meetings somehow ended like this, passionate kisses and roaming hands next to the fireplace. Perhaps it was the growing amount of scenes in the romance novels you've been reading, but lately you have been feeling as though these kisses and groping were not enough.

That's why you break away from the kiss, taking a breath before speaking out to Seonghwa, "I want you". He pushes off of you even more, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "Pardon?" You sigh, moving to sit up, forcing him to do the same as he rests on his heels. Your robe has fallen off your shoulders but you don't attempt to fix it. "I want you, Seonghwa". You tell him again more firmly.

He gulps, tongue peeking out to wet his lips before he runs his hand through his black hair. "If you're insinuating what I think you are, Princess, then you know we can't". You can't help but frown, "I told you not to call me that". You both decided months ago you were much more comfortable with him merely referring to you by your actual name. "And why not? We're already doing this, are we not? What is having sex going to do at this point?" You continue as Seonghwa groans, closing his eyes. In reality you know it's a bad idea, Princess' are expected to remain untouched until the night of the wedding. If anyone were to find out you weren't a virgin, you would suffer greatly. But now, in the heat of the moment with Seonghwa, you found any risk worth taking.

Seonghwa sighs out your name, "You know that's a extremely bad idea, no matter how bad we might want it. There are too many things that can go wrong". He reaches to run his hand up your arm, attempting to comfort you. "Have you had sex before". You blurt out, he seems alarmed, eyes widened as his hand freezes on you. "Well, I-" he clears his throat, "Yes, I have". You nod at him, "With multiple people?" your question makes his eyebrows furrow, not being able to tell if he was walking into a trap. "There's been a couple of people, I don't really know why-" But you cut him off before he can finish. "I'm expected to marry a man and only ever sleep with him for the rest of my life. I'm expected to do this with a man who has been chosen for me because of our status. I'm not ever expected to share myself with someone I love? Why is that fair for me?" You realize you sound desperate but you feel overwhelmed with your feelings for Seonghwa and the realization what you have now won't be forever.

"It's not fair," He agrees, moving to adjust your robe over your shoulder. You look at him sadly, "I want to make love with someone I love, Seonghwa. I don't want the only sex in my life to be used just to make an hier. I want to feel wanted as a lover, not just as a wife". You sigh as you recall the passion in all of your novels, afraid you may never get to experience it. How was that fair when the man you love was right in front of you, sitting there so prettily and being the one you truly wanted to experience everything with. "I just want this one thing, even if it's just once". Your voice is a whisper at this point. "I love you, and I want to experience this love with you. I know it's not right, but there is nothing I want more in my life than to experience this with you".

"I love you too," Seonghwa states, "More than anything". At his confession you fear he will reject you, but you are pleasantly surprised when he moves forward once more to kiss you.

He lays you on your back once again, but this time you can tell he has a motive. You spend hours and hours that night by the fire, feeling loved by Seonghwa in ways no one has done before, in ways you're sure no one will ever be able to do again.

You sit next to your sister, Rose the next morning at breakfast. Prince Wooyoung is across from you and a couple of performers also joining you for breakfast. The Prince invited them as they have traveled far for the summer festival tomorrow. Seonghwa stands near the window, speaking intently with your own advisor but you find yourself smiling at the company at your table. Prince Wooyoung is loud and his laugh is contagious as the entertainers tell a story of their travels. You and Rose share a smile and you can't help but giggle at the Prince.

Ever since his arrival in winter, you have yet to spend but a handful of times alone with him, but it's times like this where you see that Seonghwa was right. Prince Wooyoung is hard not to love. But as you cast a glance at Seonghwa behind him, you knew you would never be in love with him.

You should've known from that fateful night that once would never be enough. Telling Seonghwa that you had just needed him once had ended up being a lie. It's been weeks since then and yet still every secret meeting you had with him ended with you underneath him, or him underneath you; you weren't very picky.

Just like now, it was well past midnight on a Friday night and despite everyone in the castle thinking you were asleep, you were in the library, next to the fireplace as you rode Seonghwa who lay under you. The first night you shared with Seonghwa, he had been so careful and gentle, making you feel protected and loved. But since that night, he has taught you many things. What it's like to be on cloud 9, making you feel pleasure you never thought possible in unthinkable ways. He taught you how to give pleasure too, how to make one that you love fall apart so beautifully it makes you feel powerful.

That's how you feel tonight; powerful. You braced yourself with your hands on your lover's bare chest, watching the black haired boy intently as his mouth falls open at the new found pleasure. You have been working diligently, attempting to find the right hip movement as you rode his cock to make him feel that best he could. Especially when he had made you come twice beforehand merely using his tongue. A deep whine escapes his lips as you ground your hips down in a circular manner. You stare at his lips unable to resist them, particularly when such pretty noises are falling off of them. Not stopping your movements, you lean down to capture them with your own. You kiss him deeply and quite sloppily as you are both focused on the pleasure, tongues clashing leisurely. "You sound so pretty for me," you murmur against his mouth. Whereas you had at first been shy when it came to things like these, Seonghwa's sweet and dirty words that fell off his tongue had started to rub off on you. If he could compliment you so prettily while you fell apart for him, it only made sense for you to do the same when the tables were turned.

Seonghwa's hands move up your thighs, rounding to grasp your ass firmly, using it as a grip to help you move along him in a manner he pleased. You could tell he was close when he broke from your kiss, head tossing backwards and his eyes closed tightly, ultimately consumed with pleasure. You feel motivated to bring him to an end, as it was your favorite thing to see. You move your hips quicker, hands roaming up and down his damp chest and abdomen, but always keeping your eyes on his face. He comes with a moan of your name and his body tenses, hands moving to grip your hips tightly and eventually stop you from moving any further on his stimulated cock. "Fuck," he mumbles out and moves his hands up your back to bring you down to his chest. You move to press kisses along his neck as you lay flush against him, his chest moving heavily in an attempt to catch his breath. You playfully bite his neck, "Are you okay?". He chuckles, hand running down your hair, "I'm perfect, my love. How about you? Do you need my help again?" He's considerate as always but you feel fulfilled from earlier and just watching him, "No, I'm quite perfect as well". He hums arms coming around to tighten you in a hug.

You eventually move off of him and cuddle into his side, the blankets and fire providing warmth despite the lack of clothing you both had. You keep your eyes closed, but you often find yourself close to tears after intimate moments with Seonghwa. As if the reality of it all sets in and drags you down. As summer wore on you knew your time with Seonghwa would be coming to an end. You would have to fulfill your duty as Princess of Aurora and marry the Prince they deemed fit to be the next King. You would have to live a life in a loveless marriage and forever knowing your true love was just out of reach.

Sometimes in quiet moments like these, pressed up against Seonghwa and he hold you against him, you find yourself praying. Praying for time to stop, for it to be summer forever, where you could be with Seonghwa forever in this library without a care in the world. For your secret to stay a secret.

Your sister Rose as fallen ill the past couple of days and has, despite her protests, been made to rest. There were a few castle workers who experienced the same symptoms as well. It wasn't uncommon, especially during this time where the change from summer to fall would be coming soon and now the mornings and nights were much cooler than the warm days. The drastic change in weather throughout one day can cause anyone to catch a cold, just like Rose. After seeing Rose, the family physician made his way to check on your parents, and then you. While he was here, he would now try to prevent any sickness, prescribing warms soups and teas and avoiding early morning walks without a coat.

You sit in silence as he finishes up your examination. He was usually a pleasant and talkative man, using jokes to distract from any uncomfortableness, but he had fallen silent as you told him about your symptoms. Letting him know it didn't sound like the same cold Rose had, but you still felt quite ill some days. He examined you longer than usual and it made you uneasy with the feeling you were much more ill than the others in the castle.

He finally finishes with a sigh, moving to remove his gloves and wash his hands in the basin. You sit up, fixing your dress as you wait for any type of explanation. "Well, your highness, since the wedding is only about a month away, I feel no reason to let anyone else know".

The physician turns to you with a kind smile, drying his hands. "I'm sorry?" you ask, confused as to what he was talking about. He comes closer, talking in a quiet voice as to not let anyone else hear, "You're with child, your highness. Congratulations". At his words you're almost certain you misheard him, but you were too frightened to ask him to repeat it. Your mind runs crazy and your ears start to rings. The physician must've been able to tell your panic as he moves to steady you where you sit. "There is no need to worry, I certainly won't tell anyone. The wedding will be soon and from my examination you're not too far along so you won't be showing in the dress. After the ceremony I will check you again and it will be like finding out for the first time".

You know he's trying to reassure you, but he doesn't know your true situation. He doesn't know what you risked to be with the man you love and now it has come back to bite you. You start to cry at the realization of what you've done, the consequences were to be extreme and you weren't even sure what to do at this point. The kind physician moves to grab a clean handkerchief to dry your tears, "There, there. I know it's not ideal but with the Prince moving into the castle some time ago something like this is just natural".

You wait in the library the next night after not leaving your bed since finding out the news. It was easy to say you were feeling unwell from a cold just like Rose and the others, when in reality you were so overcome with stress you didn't know what to do. It felt obvious that your first step should be telling Seonghwa the mess you were in, but being honest even doing that made you anxious. You've dragged him into this and at this point everything seemed like your fault.

Seonghwa enters the room quietly and sees you sitting on the sofa facing the fire, he finds himself smiling. "Hello, love," he says to draw your attention. "I heard you caught a cold, are you feeling alright?"

He moves to join you on the couch and rubs over your hair as if to comfort you. But when he hears you sniffle he grows worried, gently moving your head to face him. His eyes widen as he takes in your state, eyes red and still leaking tears, nose running, and everything on your face feels swollen from the nonstop crying you've been doing. "What is it?", he states, swallowing in an attempt to hide his panic, "Are you feeling unwell?" Having him here next to you feels as though reality has actually set in and you find yourself letting out a sob before you can even tell what what's going on. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Seonghwa". Your words only worry him more and he takes you face in his hands, eyes roaming you as if he were to find the answer there. "Please, my love, you have to talk to me. What's wrong? What are you sorry for?"

You try your best to calm your breathing, hiccuping in an attempt to stop your tears but you finally are able to get your words out as Seonghwa waits patiently. "I saw the physician yesterday, it was supposed to be a normal checkup, for the colds going around". You get out, breath still occasionally getting caught in your throat. He gulps at the mention of this, automatically fearing the worst, you must be extremely unwell. "He told me," you continue, letting out another soft cry and averting your eyes, "He told me I was with child. I'm pregnant Seonghwa".

You can't see him, as you've closed your eyes, too afraid to see his reaction, but you can tell he's tensed from the way his hands froze on you. You're crying hard again to the point you feel nauseous and you're seconds away from moving to find a bin to empty your stomach into. But Seonghwa move to hold you, arms circling around you like they have so many times before. So many times have you felt protected by his warm embrace, but you doubt anything could protect you now. "It's going to be okay," He whispers out as he tucks you into him, but the comment only makes you angry. "No, it's not," you argue back but don't have the strength to move from his arms. "How can anything be okay, I'm to get married in a month and I'm pregnant. They're going to find out and they're going to kill us. All of us, me, you, the baby." You're rambling now but this is the first time you were able to voice your worried aloud. Seonghwa closes his eyes and rests his head against yours. He wants nothing more than to comfort you in your state but he doesn't know what to say. He knew from the start this situation was dangerous but he didn't ever think it would come to this point.

"It's all my fault, we should've never done this. You tried to warn me but I didn't listen to you. I was so selfish and now look what's happened". Your voice is weaker now, so exhausted from the endless crying and your head is pounding. Seonghwa's voice is shaky but you don't even notice in your state, "Don't say that. You know we both had a part in this, if anything, I was the selfish one. Thinking I would be able to love a Princess". You quickly turn your head up to look at him, noticing now tears brimmed in his own eyes as well. "Don't," you say, "You are more than worthy to love anyone you want. I'm just lucky that I was the one to receive your love". He gives you a small smile, hand moving your hair so he could properly see your face. "It'll always be you," he says your name, "Who will recieve my love". It's small, but the comment makes you feel a hint of happiness in what seems like a dark and hopeless situation.

You move to place a soft kiss on his lips before falling into his arms again. You both lay there for hours in silence, merely listening to the fire and trying not to think of the reality you're in just for a minute. "I'll figure something out," Seonghwa finally voices, "Just rest until you feel better and trust me".

It's a week later when Seonghwa asked to meet you in the library again. You've mostly rested all week, still acting as though the cold as weakened you and no one suspected a thing. You longue on the couch, hands fidgeting with your dress as you await your lover. Some time later the door finally opens and you smile as you face the opening. However, once you see who enters, it immediately drops and you rise quickly to your feet.

You gulp as he makes his way into the room taking a few steps forward. Finally you move to bow, "Your highness," you get out trying your best not to sound nervous. What he is doing here you're unsure of but your stomach twists with the thought that Seonghwa could also enter at any second. Had he found you two out? Had someone finally noticed you both meeting in the library?

Prince Wooyoung returns your greeting with a small smile. He walks past you to stand in front of the fire, moving his hands out to feel the warmth. You still haven't moved from where you stood, too stunned to comprehend what was happening. "You know," he finally speaks, but keeps his back towards you, "I'd like to think of myself as a kind and understanding man". "So when the physician finished my check up by congratulating me because my hier was already conceived, I merely thanked him and made him swore to not tell a soul".

Your breath hitches and you move to steady yourself against the desk. So Prince Wooyoung had found out, you're not sure you could blame the physician as he probably assumed you had already told the Prince. Your heart pounds as you watching Wooyoung who stares into the fire, moving to place his hands in his pockets. This was it, you thought, the Prince now knew the truth and your fate was in his hands, but perhaps there was still a chance you could save Seonghwa.

"I was so shocked when he told me, a little sad too I must confess," he lets out a small chuckle. "So when Seonghwa and I met afterwards I couldn't help but confide in him". Your eyes closed in defeat at the news. "I told him how sorry I was that you must have a lover. Not that I can blame you, we barely know each other and are expected to marry. Trust me, I know how rough it is. I felt bad for you, truly." He looks almost dazed as he continues to gaze into the flames with an unreadable expression. "I told him, Seonghwa, that there was no need to worry anyone though. I would keep a secret. I wouldn't mind raising the baby as if it was my own. I don't know if that would make everyone happy, but I figured that's what would keep everyone safe". You can't help the tears that come to your eyes as he continues his story, you have never felt guilt once in all the time you spent with Seonghwa. But as Wooyoung speaks to you know, you can't help but think how you both have hurt him. The Prince was never unkind, in fact you quite enjoyed his company when you did have it. But nevertheless, you knew Wooyoung would never truly be your lover.

"It was at this point that Seonghwa started crying. I was so shocked, never in all the years I've known him have I seen him cry. I was confused, I kept telling him it was okay, you didn't mean to hurt me. That's why I thought he was crying of course". Watching him with tearful eyes, you curse that you can't tell what he's really thinking. "But then he starts to apologize, and I'm even more confused! I have to get him to calm down before he could actually tell me what was wrong," he chuckles a bit. "I'm in love with her," he sighs, "That's what he says. I don't believe him at first of course. But when I stay silent he continues on and on. Explaining how much he loves you and how sorry he was so betraying me".

He finally moves to sit on the couch, running a hand over his face. "I was angry at first, naturally I think. I couldn't understand my Seonghwa falling for my bride to be. But I took a second and really thought. I know Seonghwa, he's my best friend." Your eyes roam over his face and you notice how tired he looks. "He would never do anything to intentionally hurt me, I know that. If you both fell in love then it was not spiteful. I suppose you both feel guilty about the whole thing. Not that we were ever lovers ourselves, we probably never would be, right?" His mouth quirks as he finally looks to meet your gaze. You stay silent and still, not knowing what to do. The Prince sighs once again, "Seonghwa would to anything for me, I know that. He offered to leave, to allow him to say goodbye to you and leave Aurora for good in order to sort this out". A tear makes its way down your cheek at the idea. Is that where he had gone? Had the Prince made him leave without a goodbye? "But one thing you might not know about me, is that I would also do anything for Seonghwa". You try your best to look into his eyes despite being blocked by tears. "So that's why I came here to tell you to leave".

There's a moment of silence as you try to comprehend what he says. "Excuse me?" you finally get out, your voice sounding hoarse. Wooyoung moves to stand, "Seonghwa is waiting for you, you will both go to the dock and take the passenger ship that leaves for inland in a couple of hours". Your eyebrows furrow and you feel dazed, "I can't, I can't leave my Kingdom. My sister, Rose what will she think?" You start to think of all you would leave behind. Wooyoung purses his lips, "Well I suppose you can stay, but I assume you know what that would entail." Marriage, you thought, marriage to the Prince and no Seonghwa. "But how can I leave? What will everyone think?" You couldn't quite comprehend the logistics of this so-called plan they thought out. "You've been sick, right?" He asks even though he knows the answer, you nod. "Well you've been sick enough so that the doctor suggested you move inland for sometime. Somewhere away from the sea, away from the humidity. We'll tell everyone the wedding is postponed, your health took a turn in the night and you had no choice but to board the ship". You look at him worried, could this really work? "Don't worry, the physician will be in on it too. Once you're settled you can write your family, Seonghwa will make sure of it. As for the future, we're unsure, but this is a plan to keep you both together for now".

You can't help but start to sob, hands coming up to cover your face. Wooyoung hesitates, but moves to embrace you. "I'm so sorry," you state, "You're doing so much for us despite what we did to you". He moves to hold you away from him, "Don't, don't apologize for falling in love. Just promise me you'll look after him, yeah?" He asks with a smile and you sniffle and nod, "Always. I'm so thankful for you, I wish there was a way I could repay you for your kindness". He chuckles moving away after give your shoulders a squeeze, "Well if you wanted to name your baby after me, I wouldn't complain". You let out a giggle as you wipe your tears. "Now go on and pack, not much though, you don't have much time before you need to leave and you both have to get there without being seen too much".

You nod, moving quickly to press a kiss to his cheek, "Seonghwa was right about you".

You look out over the ocean, the black abyss under the night sky. The stars acting as the only source of light as the ship moves quietly across the waves. Seonghwa comes up behind you, placing a blanket over your shoulders and a kiss to your cheek. "We should head to our quarters soon". You nod, turning to smile at him, "I just can't believe this is really happening". He smiles back at you, moving forward to give you a kiss and places a hand gently on your stomach, "I would do anything for you".

It was a whirlwind of a night, of a week, of a year that has led you to this moment but you don't think there could be a more perfect ending. What the future had in store for you all now you were unsure, but with Seonghwa by your side you were sure you would be able to risk everything and anything.

Copyright © 2023 by nczennie. All rights reserved.

🌼 All feedback is appreciated and welcomed 🌼

ᵕ̈ ೫˚∗: cuddling with zb1

a/n: anon this is such a good request thank you also it’s so hard to describe like how people work

notes: yujin is not included due to his age!

wc | 2.1k

jiwoong

big strong warm man

what i mean is jiwoong is the perfect surface to lay on

i think he’s the type of guy to enjoy cuddling but he also doesn’t like need to be cuddling you at all times during your downtime

like it’s not a need yk

and he won’t ask to cuddle (so if you want to and he’s not thinking about it you’re gonna have to ask)

but he’s the type of guy to like … yawn as an excuse to put his arm around you LOL

jiwoong’s ideal cuddling spot is on the couch while you watch tv/a movie

he appreciates it when you lay on him. you’re like his personal and unique weighted blanket

he’ll be sprawled out on the couch and you’ll be on top of him, head on his chest

he will put his arms around your waist and will intermittently poke your sides like he’s checking to make sure you’re real

if you lay there for too long he will kick you off when he feels his arms starting to go numb lol

at night, i don’t think he’s the guy to full on cuddle

i think maybe he’ll put an arm on your waist but that’s it

he doesn’t like your icicle hands jolting him awake at 3 am LOL

if he’s sick he will attach himself to you though … he will also apologize for making you sick afterwards

cuddle rating: 8/10, minus two points for always making you ask

zhang hao

hao is a princess and he likes to sit on your lap

i won’t let anybody tell me otherwise he will actively just sit on you

doesn’t matter what you’re doing or where you are he will just sit on you

it’s kinda like the opposite of jiwoong … hao loves to lay on you except he’s (most likely) taller than you so it’s awkward

sometimes you’ll be napping and he’ll scare you awake by literally collapsing on you

he likes cuddles a lot though so that’s not all he’s doing

i said this in another set of hcs i did but i think hao likes being the little spoon

again he’s a princess

but also i think he just likes the feeling? like he feels comforted in your embrace so he wants you to just hug him all the time

he also strikes me as the type of person who gets cold easily so it warms him up too

on rare occasions, he will be the big spoon but it’s usually when you’re feeling bad and it’s making him sad

hao’s ideal cuddling spot is anywhere but he does like the bed a bit more

cuddling with him is also very quiet and relaxing

there are a lot of kisses on the cheek, forehead, pretty much everywhere

overall very soft and fun time !! it’s very intimate and cute

cuddle rating: 9/10, minus 1 point for him telling you to suck it up when your legs go numb from him sitting on you for so long

hanbin

hanbin is sooo clingy

has to have a hand on you at all times so cuddling is regular

like hao, he will cuddle up to you anywhere at any time, it doesn’t matter if you’re alone or literally all of the boys are there

he’ll sit on your lap but also enjoys it when you sit on his

big spoon, little spoon, it doesn’t matter he is LOVING IT!!!

but i think hanbin prefers cuddling on the couch most

idk if anyone else thinks this but he’s so christmas-coded in my brain, so his ideal is sitting on the couch with the fireplace on and just enjoying each other’s company

he likes laying his head in your lap a lot, especially when you’re talking about your days together

because he can see every single move and every expression you make, so he can easily gauge whether you’re talking about something negative or positive

he will switch with you when you’re done talking, so your head will be on his lap as he tells you about everything you did that day

and he’ll play with your hair while he talks it’s very sweet

hanbin is also the type of guy to cuddle with you while you’re sleeping at night

he can’t sleep without you being there :( he’ll require a stuffed animal replacement when you’re gone

if i keep talking about this i’m going to collapse

cuddle rating: 13/10, plus 3 points for the way he nuzzles up to you at any moment he can

matthew

matthew falls asleep every time you cuddle

it’s so bad

you’ll literally just be leaning on him while you sit on the couch, you’ll look up at him, and he’ll be fast asleep

as a result cuddling with matthew can be very uncomfortable because he’s just like asleep on you

i think his favorite thing to do his like … how do i explain this … i couldn’t figure it out so here’s a link to renjun and chenle doing what i'm thinking of

it’s the easiest way for him to conk out and also not cause you to get the worst cramp of your life in your leg

in the rare moments you fall asleep on him it makes him giggle so much that he wakes you up

and then he falls asleep like 3 minutes later

thanks matthew

a lot of your matthew cuddling time comes from napping with him

i could talk about napping for hours but to keep it short it’s just very sweet

matthew is big and strong man and NOT!!! cute guy so he likes to be big spoon a lot

i mean a lot

more than being a strong man i just think matthew likes holding onto things idk

like he’d be content with a huge teddy bear but he prefers you instead … you know

cuddle rating: 8/10, minus 2 points for laughing at you when you fall asleep on him and minus 1 point for falling asleep on you right after, plus one point for being the absolute cutest

taerae

cuddling with taerae is so casual like that’s the only way i can put it

idk it’s like … you’ll be sitting on the couch holding hands

and then he’ll put an arm around you … and then you’ll put your head on his shoulder … and then his legs are on yours … and now you’re here idk

taerae also likes to sit on your lap

except it’s in the funny way where he’ll taerae sashay over and then kinda just perch himself there

arms around your neck and arms crossed

this is his excuse to be near you in front of other people … he makes it jokey so that he can then give you a kiss on the cheek and tell you how much he loves you

loser

i think when you cuddle with taerae seriously it’s mostly in bed

he takes big naps and drags you with him

you fall asleep and wake up in a human knot like 5 hours later

your leg is on top of his and he’s got an arm like laying over your face and you’ve got an arm over his waist

you feel kinda sweaty and gross too but taerae looks really cute so it’s okay

i also think taerae likes to cuddle when he’s not having the greatest day

he’ll just sit down with you and collapse on you, face in your neck and arms wrapped around your waist :(

i love taerae sooo much

cuddle rating: 8/10, minus 2 points for trapping you in a knot for an hour that one time because he wouldn’t wake up

ricky

don’t hate me but i don’t think ricky is a big cuddler

it’s not that he doesn’t like it it’s just not his favorite thing in the whole entire world

his idea of cuddling is like holding your hand LOL

if you’re big into cuddling or your love language is physical touch he’s going to suck up his opinions and cuddle you it’s just gonna be a bit awkward

like he will weirdly put an arm over your shoulder while you lay on him

it’s like being in middle school all over again

he will literally google “how to cuddle” and ask gyuvin for pointers

you’d think cuddling was an olympic sport like just hug ur s/o bro

so i don’t really have much to say on that but i have A LOT to say when it comes to skinship

ricky is a hand-on-your-waist enthusiast

idk it just fits there so perfectly … it’s like his arm was meant to be around your waist

no matter where u go that’s where it is

i also think ricky gives shockingly good hugs? idk they’re kinda hot LOL

he does the thing where he’ll greet you by hugging you with specifically one arm … can you guys envision this like i can

big back hug guy … and he will put his head on top of yours

god SWOON ricky is so UGHHGGHGH

cuddle rating: 5/10 stop asking gyuvin for pointers // hug rating: 10/10 how can u make a hug so attractive bro (i need to write ricky brother’s best friend)

gyuvin

HUMAN TEDDY BEAR!!!

lanky boys are meant to be cuddled i don’t make the rules

he’s just so easy to koala hug cause he’s so long

based on what we know about him i think gyuvin LOOVES to cuddle

specifically i think he likes to lay on your tummy

like you’ll be laying down normally and then he will come lay perpendicular to you so he can use ur tummy as a pillow

if you’re not lying down he will substitute for your chest, and he likes to convince himself he’s the reason your heart is beating that fast (it is beating at an absolutely average rate LMFAO)

his absolute favorite is when you put your head on his chest

it makes his heart flutter and gives him butterflies like he's a schoolgirl about to confess to her crush

you can literally hear his heart pounding when you do it

i think cuddle sessions between you and gyuvin are also gossip sessions

like he will unload every insane thing he’s heard recently onto you and expect you to do the same

when you’re gossiping he likes to lay face-to-face, and a lot of the time he will just put his hand on your face

or he will put his arm on your waist … or mess with your hair

you’ll be saying the most heinous shit about someone and he will be giggling bc he thinks you look pretty

and you do the same exact thing

when you sleep he encases you in an impossible-to-escape limb cage so good luck with that

cuddle rating: 10/10 get ready to hear exactly how that one guy in his math class cheated on his gf

gunwook

HUMAN TEDDY BEAR AGAIN!!!

i know this man is the cuddle CHAMPION like you take one look at him and you can tell he gives warm hugs

he’s also like a space heater so he’s automatically the number 1 person to be around

tbh it could be like 30°f and you wouldn’t need a blanket you’d just need to attach yourself to gunwook

he loooves cuddles soooo much this guy just thinks it’s so cute

he teehees like a teenage girl every time you do

gunwook’s ideal cuddle is you being fast asleep with your face in his chest and your arms around his waist

mostly because he can take these really cheesy selfies of you asleep on him like bro stand UP

but also because he can scroll on his phone and have something to do while he acts as your personal heater

also appreciates laying on top of you which is sometimes difficult because he’s generally larger than you

i also think he would enjoy it when you sit in between his legs and he can like … wrap his arm around you and put his head on your shoulder … does that make sense

when gunwook is sleeping he treats you like the pillow he talked abt in that one clip … so his leg is on you and his chin is on your head etc

it’s cute

sometimes you can’t breathe tho

cuddle rating: 10/10 equal to gyuvin but unique in his own ways. go to the store and get yourself a gunwook

thank you for reading !

tags: @happysmileybee @wtfhyuck

part i: bodyguard!felix x reader

masterlist.

PART I ; PART II ; PART III ; PART IV ; PART V ; PART VI ; PART VII ; PART VIII ; PART IX ; FINAL PART.

( READ ON AO3. )

Your father hires an inconspicuous bodyguard to accompany you at school and supervise you at home. What seems like an innocuous change in routine eventually spirals into a forbidden romance that grows more passionate over the next decade.

Companion series to my sharing the bed one-shot. Follows the relationship between reader&felix from beginning to end. It will be a multi-part series.

pairing: lee felix/reader content info: eventual smut. violence. parental abuse. situations of intense peril overall. forced proximity. enemies2lovers. angst with eventual happy ending.

-

One of your father’s disgruntled bodyguards shoves you for walking too slowly.  You have enough tenacity to glare at him when you stumble, but even at fourteen years old you are smart enough refrain from retaliation.   You know your father will not take your side as you are already in trouble for sneaking out last night.  You met with some school friends and attended a house party like a normal fourteen year old, a punishable offence because your life is anything but normal. 

You just hope this punishment is a physical one.  A few smacks might sting but you’ll get over it, whereas you don’t want to lose your already limited phone or computer privileges. 

You walk into your father’s office with the expectation you will be alone, so you stop short when you see the back of a stranger’s head. 

Your father’s guests are usually suited old men or pretty young women, not a beanie-wearing teenage boy.  He’s kicking his legs like he’s in an ice cream parlour and not in a chair across from one of the most powerful men in the country.  Your father is behind his desk, hands steepled and attention determinedly fixed on you.  Punishment time is the only time his attention is so rapt. 

The door closes behind you, the guard outside slamming it shut.  The boy in the chair looks over his shoulder at you.  He has a soft face, much too soft for a place like this, his cheeks sweetly freckled and mouth like a pretty pink bow.  He has dark eyes, his eyebrows the same shade of dark brown.  His hair has been dyed a strawberry blonde, bangs sweeping out from under the beanie.  He has to flick them out of his eyes as he looks you over.  

You stare at him.  A change in routine does not bode well for you and this is a massive change. 

The boy just smiles.  It is disarming in its sweetness and it petrifies you.  You know how to behave when an ugly brute glares at you but a pretty boy smiling is unnerving. 

Your father clears his throat.  You and the boy both look his way, the boy dropping his gaze in a subservient way while you glare. 

“Daughter,” your father says coolly.  He gestures to the free chair beside the boy. 

Some days, when you are feeling especially petulant or when your father is distracted with his phone even while meting out punishment, you will stomp your foot and refuse him.  Maybe it is your stunned bemusement, but today you oblige without argument. 

Your gaze drifts to the boy as you approach your seat.  The boy does not look at you.

He looks like a normal teenage boy, wearing a hoodie under a flannel and blue jeans ripped at the knee, but you know better.  There is always a flaw and this one is immediately jarring: his shoes are army regulation boots, the same as your father’s guards, albeit smaller.  You have no idea why he would need them.  He looks about your age and is a slender, delicate thing. 

“Sit,” your father says.   You realize you have standing there, staring.  You look at your father and obey, sinking into the other chair.  “Good.”  Your father folds his hands on his desk.  “My loving daughter,” he says dryly, “It has occurred to me that your present circumstances are not the most conducive to your development and well-being.”

You cannot help but scoff.  Talk about understatement of the century.   

The security teams?  The constant surveillance? The knowledge that your wealthy father has accrued so many enemies that you can barely step outside without feeling threatened?

The fact you desperately want something bad to happen, because at least it would be different than the bad in here? 

Your father just frowns.

“Don’t test my patience,” he says.  “Especially as I have constructed a compromise according to your whims, young lady.” 

Your brow furrows.  You have no idea where this is going but you know you won’t like it, because you never like it. 

“I only want what’s best for you,” your father says.  “You’re my daughter, after all.  My only child and my only heir.  I want you protected but I want you capable, and you can’t be expected to thrive with the company of my men constantly surrounding you.” 

Your heart kicks up with hope even while your brain knows better.  Your father is not a generous man and he is clever with his words.  There is a reason he has reached the heights he has reached.  No one is better than your father and your father settles for no less than the best in turn. 

You are an agonizing disappointment, but you lash out because you would be a disappointment regardless.  Your father does not want a human daughter but a plastic doll that he can lock away until it has use, at which point he expects unending gratitude for your very existence.    

This might sound like a concession of freedom but you know him better than that.  The vice is tightening, not loosening.  You will never be free. 

“I have a gift for you,” your father says.  “This is Felix.” 

You and the boy, Felix, look at each other.  Felix smiles again.  He has the audacity to wave at you, a little salute and cutesy tip of the head. 

Your nostrils flare with a sharp intake of breath.  You look at your father. 

“What is this?” you ask, so much wrong with this scenario that you don’t know where to start.

Your father smiles for the first time since you walked in the room.  He needs to be in the position of highest power and that is obtained through making everyone else small.  The more visibly uncomfortable you are, the more at ease he feels.  He slouches comfortably in his big chair as he stares you down.  You feel trapped in the little seat across his desk.    

“This,” your father says, “is your new bodyguard.” 

You look at Felix again.  He is once more looking at your father like an obedient little puppy.  It’s for the best as you are certain your expression is betraying every single thought.  You are angry, confused, frightened.  The confusion worsens your other emotions. 

“Bodyguard,” you repeat.  “He looks like he’s twelve.” 

“I’m fourteen,” Felix says, startling you with a deep voice that does not remotely match his face.  The rounder sounds are accented with an Australian twang.   “Same as you.” 

You look at each other again.  You hide your confusion under a piercing glare.  Felix draws his mouth into a flat line, not quite smiling, not quite frowning.   He taps his fingers on the arm of the chair, a mismatched rhythm, some song only he can hear.   His leg bounces. 

You look at your father. 

“Fourteen,” you say.  “And short.  And skinny.  Look at him!  I could throw him out a window!”

“You could try,” your father says, drole.  “You wouldn’t succeed.  Oh, hush.”  He swipes a hand through the air when you open your mouth to speak again.  “Felix is more than competent, believe me.”  

Your father would not hire a second rate bodyguard, but there is simply no way this Felix kid is good for anything.  You just can’t believe it.  This is a test of some kind, maybe a mind game. 

Your hackles are up and they won’t come down.  Felix flicks some hair out of his eyes and the motion makes you jump.  He doesn’t comment.  He clears his throat and sits a little straighter, looking like every goody-two-shoes keener you ever gave a sneer. 

“You will no longer require a full security detail,” your father says.  “Not at home or at school.  No where, barring certain occasions under my discretion.”   

This has your heart racing again.  Currently, your father has guards posted in several places around your school.  No one but the school administrators know they are for you, but that doesn’t matter because you know.  You know they are not general security, that they are specifically watching your every move.  If you skip a meal or eat too much, they know.  If you talk to one person and not another, they know.  If you forget to do homework or flunk a test, they know.  If you put on more make-up or roll up your skirt, they know.  If you fall, if you laugh, if you flirt, if you breathe a little too hard, they know, and they report it all back to your father. 

It doesn’t end there.  They keep you on a schedule for your “protection” and if you stray from that agenda, they are on you.  That means no chatting too long after class, no extended bathroom breaks, no stopping to smell a fucking flower.  In the car, out the car, through the doors, at your seat, at your locker, upstairs, downstairs, fuck, fuck, fuck.  How you’ve lasted this long, not even you know. 

You spend all day suffocating under the extension of your father’s eyes, then you return home, flanked by bodyguards, only to be stuck with supervision until you are finally permitted to go to bed.  Naturally, this is the easiest time to escape so you are in the habit of breaking out at night.  You’re good at it too.  Most nights you move without any detection, having memorized all the chinks in the mansion’s high-tech security armor.  Last night was the result of some bad luck. 

Now you are here, your heart racing, your breath catching. 

It must be a trick.  You look at Felix then your father, trying to hide your eagerness and your suspicion. 

“In exchange, you will have Felix,” your father says.  “He will attend school with you as a classmate.  He is in all your classes and extra-curriculars.  You are to keep him with you at all times of day.  He will accompany you everywhere at all times of day.”  Your father leans in.  “Do you understand that?  At all times of day.”   

It does not sound too different from the security team other than the obvious fact there is only one of Felix.  Even if Felix is the most skilled bodyguard in the world, he is still just one person.   It seems too good to be true so it must be.   Your father is waiting until you are comfortable so he can rip the rug out from under you, to put you in your place, which is flat on your back like a stupid, helpless, needy baby.    

You will not give him the satisfaction.  Curtly, you say, “I understand.”

“Good,” your father says.  “I’m having a new bed installed in your bedroom as we speak.  It should be ample space for two people without your privacy being overly encroached.  When you get home, you will clear a space for Felix to move his things into your room.” 

Despite your effort to remain neutral, obvious surprise blinks across your face. 

“Wait, what?” you ask, darting forward in your seat.  “What are you talking about?”

Your father tips his head as if perplexed with your outburst. 

“Did you think you were getting away with something?” he asks.  “Constantly sneaking out at night, evading my men.  Do you know every time you pull a childish stunt like that, it endangers me and my business just as much as you?”

Your anger bubbles to the surface as quickly as his, cold laughter punching out of you as you say, “Oh! Your business!  Of fucking course!”

“Don’t use vulgar language with me, child!”

“Don’t call me a child!” you snap back with as much fervour.  “I’m fourteen years old!  I’m not a little kid and I don’t need some other idiot kid babysitting me!  I don’t need anyone fucking watching me!” 

Felix is sitting ramrod straight, his eyes flicking back and forth between you and your father.  He says nothing.  He just sniffs and scratches a little circle on the exposed skin of his knee. 

“You are my daughter, this is my house, and I will do with both as I please,” your father says. 

“Then maybe I don’t want to be in this house!” you shout. 

“You want to leave?” your father asks.  He smacks a vicious hand down on his desk, rattling his computer.  “Go ahead.  Pick yourself up and walk out that door.  Where are you going to go from here?  You have no money and no skills and no protection.  See how long it takes someone to pick you up off the street.  You don’t want to be my daughter?  You want me to ignore you when they put a gun to your head?  The least they will do is kill you, you stupid little thing.  But go on, since you’re so wise and brave and all grown-up.  Walk out that door.  I dare you.”      

You sit on the very edge of your seat, your hands balled into fists.  You long to swing them at his smug face but you can only sit there, vibrating with rage. 

“Do you have something more to say?” your father asks. 

You kick his desk, the adrenaline forcing it out of you.  He smacks a mug and it smashes on the floor.  Felix still does not react, though his gaze does linger on the broken mug. 

“What about him!” you shriek, pointing at Felix.  It draws his attention back to you, his eyebrow lifting at your pointed finger.  “You’re going to leave me alone with a boy?  In bed?”  You imbue this exclamation with all the suggestive horror you can.  “I can’t share a room with a boy!  What if he’s a pervert!   What if he takes pictures of me!  What if he rapes me!  You really trust some random boy to be alone with me?!”

The silence that follows is somehow more shrill than the yelling.  Your father stares at you, resolutely focussed with such a cold glare that you shiver. 

Felix shuffles in his seat.  His mouth opens and he looks contemplative, weighing his words, but your father speaks before he can. 

“Felix,” he says, “put your hand on the desk.” 

Felix delays only seconds, more surprised by the order than reluctant.  He obediently rests his hand on the desk, palm facing up. 

Without looking away from you, your father grabs that hand and flips it over.  Felix jerks, his feet planting, but he manages to restrain whatever instinct rattled him.  He looks at his hand, at where your father pins it to the wood. 

You look there too, fuming, then you look at your father.  He is still glaring at you, even when he reaches into his desk.  Your brow furrows when he retrieves an enveloper opener, a sleek little knife, shiny and sharp.  He smacks it onto the table beside Felix’s hand.  It makes you jump.    

Felix just looks at the knife, tipping his head as if only mildly curious.   

“Felix,” your father says. “Pick up that knife.”  He leans back in his desk chair and crosses his arms, his expression bland and uncaring as he looks at you.  You shake less from fury than fear, looking from your father to Felix. 

Felix picks up the knife with his free hand.  He looks at it, his expression revealing nothing. 

“Thank you,” your father says. 

He has not looked away from you even once, asserting his knowledge that Felix will obey without his supervision.  You try to be as steadfast as him.  You act like you couldn’t care less about the unknown boy and his freckles and beanie.  This is between you and your father.  You glare just as fiercely.  

“Now, Felix,” your father says, “I am going to count down from three, then you are going to drive that knife into your hand.  All the way through to the desk.  I trust you know the spot that will do the least lasting damage.” 

Your gaze whips from your father to Felix, staring at him wide-eyed as the stupid boy doesn’t even flinch.  He just turns the knife over.  His brow briefly pinches as he rests the tip of the knife against a soft spot on the back of his hand. 

Your horrified brain is already several paces ahead, picturing his bloodied hand pinned to the wooden desk.  You taste bile and it is only partially for the gore.  The rest is for the fact Felix does nothing more than blink at his hand. 

“Three,” your father says.  “Two.” 

You scream, “Stop!” at the same your father says, “One.”

You tackle Felix.  The adrenaline flies out of you the same as that kick.  The knife clatters to the desk and both your chairs fly out from under you. 

Felix is fast.  He flips you around so he takes the brunt of the fall, your head pillowing on his stomach when you land in a tangled heap on the floor.  His beanie falls off when his head hits the ground.  He barely winces, looking down at you. 

You stare back at him, breathing hard.

“Are you fucking insane?” you ask.  Tears fill your eyes, much to your horror.  You try to suck them in because there is nothing you hate more than crying in front of your father.   You don’t even know what is prompting the tears.  Maybe it’s the forced recollection of how thoroughly his guards have invaded your life, the revelation that you will be forced to share every living moment with another intruder, or the fact he almost maimed a fourteen year old boy just to make a point. 

Or, maybe, the fact you fell for it like you always do.  Just a stupid little girl, high in her emotions, vulnerable and weak and in need of intervention. 

You push away from Felix, directing all your emotions at him. 

“You’re a fucking lunatic,” you say, spitting when you talk.  “What did you think you were doing?  Freak.  Do you think you’re brave?  You’re an idiot.”

Felix props himself up on his elbows, just staring back at you.  His gaze flicks up when your father stands.  That awful man circles the desk to look down at you. 

You refuse to look up.  You wipe your arm under your nose.  Tears blur your vision.

“Felix,” your father says, “there is a car waiting outside.  Take my daughter home.  She is not to leave the house tonight.” 

You wrench your arm away when Felix tries to help you up.  He says nothing to your glare but at least he’s smart enough not to smile again.  He gets up and dusts off his pants, then retrieves his beanie.   You clamber to your feet and march toward the door without looking back or waiting.  Only when your hand is on the doorknob does your father call your name. 

You freeze, wanting so badly to ignore him and storm outside, but once the coldness settles in your veins you cannot move. 

“Come here,” your father says.  As if under a spell, you can only move when he demands it.  You turn, facing him as he approaches.   You hold still, your eyes full of tears and fists curled at your side. 

Your father walks up and swiftly strikes you across the face.  Tears spill over and you grab your cheek, heaving with frightened breath as your useless new bodyguard just stands there and watches. 

Your father sighs. 

“You’ll learn,” he says.  “One way or another.  If I have to chip at you with an axe until you take my shape, I’ll do it.  You’ll thank me one day.  Felix.  Take her home.  Now.” 

You let Felix take your arm and guide you out of the room, too drained to fight him.   

-

You refuse to be accommodating.  If you’re unhappy then you will make Felix unhappy too, and if Felix is unhappy then maybe he will leave.  Then your father will be unhappy and you finally won’t be.     

You glare at the massive new bed taking up space in your room.  It is still a big room otherwise, with plenty of space for two people, but your things are spread out everywhere and you have no intention of moving them.  Instead, you empty out a single bedside drawer and point to it. 

“There,” you say.  “That’s yours.”

Felix is standing in the bedroom doorway wearing a backpack.  He looks around the room, not sneering at its lacey, ivory princess-ness but not looking too enamoured either.  He is passive as ever, quietly receiving his surroundings.  He closes the door behind himself and shrugs the backpack down to the crease of his elbow. 

“Kk,” he says.  He puts his backpack on the floor by the bed then takes off his beanie and puts it in the drawer.  He sits on the edge of the bed, hands folded in his lap.  He stares at the wall. 

What a weirdo. 

You stare at him until he looks at you, then you scoff and roll your eyes.  You dump your things on your desk and stalk over to your private bathroom door.   

“Can I go pee without your supervision, or do you need to hold my hand?” you ask sarcastically. 

“I don’t need to,” Felix says, “but, uhhh, I guess I can if you need help.  But if you have a problem with doing it by yourself then we should probably take you to a doctor.  I know first aid but I can’t really help with incontinence or like the opposite. Lol.” 

He says the word lol out loud, a single grating syllable.  You do not dignify his weird humour with a response.  You stomp into your bathroom and slam the door shut.   

There are bars on the bathroom window now.  You grab the nearest bottle of soap and chuck it there, furious when tears spring back to your eyes.  You feel violated even in your privacy, glaring at those bars as you shower and wash away the day. 

You look at your reflection in the mirror, touching where your cheek feels tender from your father’s strike.  He usually doesn’t hit your face or anywhere someone could see swelling or a cut.  You suppose today’s slap was more personal than strategic.

You put on a thick sweatshirt and sweatpants.  When you step back into your room, the weirdo is standing at the window with his hands behind his back.  He is wearing just his ripped jeans and a t-shirt, plus those ugly army boots.  He looks at you when you open the door, giving you a brief assessing stare before he smiles. 

It would disarm someone more naïve.  You just glare. 

“Where are your things?” you ask. 

He tips his head like an inquisitive cat.  “Huh?” he asks.

“Your things,” you say venomously.  “Aren’t you moving them in here?” 

“Uh, I did,” he says.  He turns and points to his side of the bed.  “You gave me a drawer, remember?”

This kid unpacked a beanie. 

Maybe it’s a good sign he isn’t fully moving in.  Maybe this whole charade is just your father threatening you.  He will torture you with this invader until he thinks you have learned a lesson, then things will go back to normal.  Felix probably isn’t even a proper bodyguard, and how could he be?  A skinny, pretty fourteen year old boy?  He’s probably an actor or model or something. 

You give him a derisive smirk and shove past him.  He just shrugs and approaches the bathroom door, pausing before entering.  He looks back at you.

“Don’t go anywhere, yeah?” he says, then walks into the bathroom and closes the door. 

You exhale sharply.  You had no intention of going anywhere, honestly too exhausted to do anything but putter around on the computer, but fuck this kid.  He’s your father’s paid actor or some other nonsense, so who does he think he is to give you any orders? 

You storm out of the room with the intention of marching around outside, but you stumble when you enter the upstairs corridor.  

The huge house is eery in its silence.  You shudder as you look around.  

Even when your father is not home, the security team is here.  Someone is always awake, at least one person keeping guard in the corridor, the rest of them scattered in the house and guest house.  But they’re gone.  They’re all genuinely gone.  And because it is late evening, all the housekeepers and cleaners are gone too.  You have not been in a house this empty your entire life.  It feels uncanny, ghostly even.  It completely halts your half-baked plan to leave, not that you planned on going much further than the pool-house.

You stand still, suspended in the unfamiliar emptiness.    

“Whatcha doin’?”  Felix’s freaky deep voice is suddenly right beside you.  You jump away from with a startled squeak.  He just stands there, his mouth in that stupid flat line, his shaggy blonde hair bouncing when he tips his head. 

“Nothing,” you snap, annoyed that he scared you.  “I’m just going to the kitchen for a snack.  Is that against the fucking law now?”    

“It’s not really healthy to eat this late at night,” Felix says, “but it’s not illegal.  That would be weird.”

“I hate you,” you say.  His even temperament has been driving you insane, so it is satisfying to see a flicker of genuine surprise on his face.  “Just leave me alone.” 

“Sorry,” he says, recovering quickly.  His voice is steady.  “Can’t do that.  Sort of my job, you know?”

You roll your eyes then turn and stomp all the way down the stairs.  Felix trails behind you without protest, not making much noise despite the boots but he is impossible to ignore regardless. 

You go to the kitchen and open the fridge.  You aren’t hungry but you feel like you have to eat something now just to prove a point.  

Felix ambles up to the counter and perches himself on a stool.  You look over your shoulder at him.  He waves. 

“I’m not making you anything,” you snap. 

“That’s fine.”  He folds his hand on the counter.  “I’m not hungry.  Thank you.” 

You reach into the fridge and grab an eggplant out of the produce drawer.  It is a ridiculous response, but you decide to out-weird the weirdo, making eye contact as you bite in the raw eggplant.  You try to hide your displeasure, chewing the thick vegetable slowly.  Felix tips his head very far then straightens.  His eyes narrow. 

“I’m pretty sure that’s toxic,” he says. 

You stop chewing. 

“Yeah,” he says.  “Eggplant, yeah.  I think when it’s raw it’s like not good for you or something?  I think there’s like a chemical in it.  Maybe it’s only if you eat a lot of it, uhhh, I don’t know.  Just in case, I wouldn’t eat it like that if I were you.” 

You stare at him with a chunk of raw eggplant still on your tongue.  He could be bluffing.  He could be playing mind games.  He could be telling the truth, since he delivered each sentence so uncertainly.  Maybe he’s just bad at mind games.  You’re good at them.  You’ve been playing them since you were a child, so you just stare him down, swallow the eggplant, then take another bite. 

His brow furrows.  You are pretty sure your displeasure is a little more obvious now, your mouth partially open as you chew.   Felix did not balk at stabbing his own hand but he looks very scandalized right now.   You consider it a success. 

“Stop it,” Felix says. 

You take another bite, ripping into it with a ferocious tear. 

“What are you doing?” he asks.  “What? Are you trying to commit suicide by eggplant?”

You just shrug, chewing with your mouth wide open now.   His stool scrapes the ground and you brace yourself, shuffling in the opposite direction when he circles the kitchen island. 

“Spit it out,” he says. 

“No,” you say, spitting eggplant as you say it.  You very nearly choke. 

“Seriously,” Felix says.  “This isn’t funny.” 

You chew obnoxiously big in his direction and he pounces, smoothly intercepting your escape.   He cages you in against the counter, blocking you when you try to move. You drop the rest of the eggplant and push at him, dribbling mushy vegetable and cursing through your mouthful. 

“Spit. It. Out,” he says, putting his hand under your mouth like a mother to a baby.  You shove that hand away, then try to shove his face away.  He clearly doesn’t want to get too physical with you, but eventually he grabs your chin and holds you still, your face pinched in his hand.   You stare at him, breathing hard through your nose.  “Stop it,” he says. 

The house is empty.  The house is genuinely, seriously, completely empty.   Your father trusts Felix that much. 

Who is this fucking kid? 

You spit the eggplant at him.  It spatters on his shirt and wins you an eye roll.  It’s the first expression from him to make you smile. 

“Bed time,” he says, stepping back to brush the mess off his shirt. 

You cross your arms and lean against the counter.  “No,” you say. 

“No?” he asks.  His deep voice fractures with a higher-pitched sound of surprise.   “Why not?” 

Because you hate your father and everything he puts you through.  Because petty victories are your only victories.  Because there is something seriously wrong with Felix if this is his life situation, and there is something seriously wrong with you for the same reason. 

So you shrug.  “Make me,” you say. 

There is a beat of silence.

Then the world is upside down because Felix picks you up and slings you over his shoulder.  You cry out, slapping his back as he marches to the stairs.  Where is he even hiding this strength? 

“Put me down!”  You pound on his backside while he carries you up the stairs.  “When my father hears about this—”

He puts you down on the landing, swinging up a step to afford him an extra foot of height over you.  He holds your wrist in his hand and looks at you very seriously. 

“What?” he asks.  “When he hears about me doing my job?” 

You try to tug your hand back but Felix holds it tight.

“Are you serious right now?” you ask.  You continue to squirm your hand in his grip.  “Who the fuck are you?  What do you even get out of this?” 

“What do you get out of this - this - everything?” he asks.  

“I get my life,” you snap.  “In pieces and only for a little bit, but mine.”

“Me too,” he says. 

A breathless silence follows.  You realize you are holding his hand, having twisted and turned so much that he clasped your fingers with his.   You both look there then at each other.  You abruptly let go. 

“Can we go to bed?”  Felix asks, softening his voice.  “Please.” 

Your lower lip wobbles.  You look at the stain on his shirt.  You think about his hand on that desk. 

“And what about my other question?” you ask. 

He tips his head again, but his expression is no longer neutral.  He wears his confusion openly, briefly but substantially. 

“What?” he asks. 

“My other question,” you say, blinking back your tears.  “Who are you?” 

“You tell me first,” he says.  “Who are you?” 

It’s easier to fight and scream than plainly express yourself.  No one ever listens, so you are not practiced.  You have Felix’s undivided attention but it suddenly feels like too much.  You do not have it in you to glare anymore.  You meet his pained gaze with your own and join him on the next step. 

“I’m tired,” you say.  “Let’s go to bed.” 

He goes to check the security system while you get ready for bed.  You are already nestled under the covers, shivering despite the thick layers because the house sounds so quiet and you are honestly scared.  You jump when the door opens and Felix enters, your eyes meeting in the dim light.  He looks away first, going about his own routine.  You turn your back to him. 

The bed is big but you still feel it dip when he gets inside.  You look over your shoulder.  He is laying on his back with his eyes closed.  He is clearly still awake but the semblance of sleep accentuates the natural innocence of his face.  You have seen the flicker of a few deeper emotions, none of them childish, but he looks his age while laying there. 

His eyes open.  He glances at you.  You wonder what you look like to him. 

“Good night,” he says, shattering the terrifying silence. 

You don’t argue it.  You just nod then turn away, closing your eyes, letting the sound of his breathing lull you to sleep faster than usual. 

between the lines: b.c (m)

feat: Bang Chan x f.reader

arranged Marriage au

word count: 12.5k

↳ After being used a nothing more then a pawn to gain the upper hand on Chan. They’re left in a strained marriage and only one way out.

warnings: angst, sexual content: unprotected sex, oral (fem receiving), breeding kink, nickname such as princess

an: if anyone is interested in any other arranged marriage stories with any of the other stray kids feel free to let me know. 

He didn’t love you and you were aware of that. He never wanted to marry you to begin with. You were nothing more than a bargaining chip used against him.

Laying in your shared bed, his back was to you as you stared at his bare skin. You’re on your seventh month of marriage and he won’t even touch you. You only share the same bed because the “guest” room in his penthouse is used as his library/office.

Keep reading

i reread this maybe once a week

your boyfriend has been telling you he wants to bring someone else into the bedroom for a while. the thought only started to sound good when a certain boyfriend's best friend posts gym pictures on insta.

pairing: sung hanbin x fem!reader x seok matthew

genre: established relationship (hanbin x fem!reader) , smut MDNI!

smut warnings: cuckold, thigh riding, blowjobs, penetrative sex, dirty talk, usage of the words "princess", "baby", unprotected sex, creampie

wordcount: 4.4k

a/n: happy happy birthday @cheolism!!!!! see, i told you i would whip something up!! you probably didn't believe me, did you? ha! got you there. anyway. happiest birthday, my dear! i hope you enjoy this little piece of filth i made in your honour. one turns 22 only once you know!! in german we say: Schnappszahl! i love you loads, babes, have a wonderful day <3 (ps. it's been your birthday in germany for one hour already so theoretically i am not posting early!!)

“When did Matthew start working out like this?” 

You’re laying on your stomach on Hanbin’s bed, biting down on your thumbnail. 

“Like… a month ago? He’s been going to the gym forever, but only recently going every day.”

You nod. Yeah, he definitely looks like he hits the gym every day. Gosh, you still remember him as a small (he’s still relatively small), lanky pre-teen with braces and glasses that were too big for his face. None of that is left. Glasses are ditched unless he’s at home playing video games for no one to see. Braces have been gone a long time, leaving him with two rows of perfectly straight white teeth. And last but not least the lankiness has turned into buffness you couldn’t stop staring at on your phone.

“Why do you ask?” Hanbin now rolls over with his chair, eyebrows raised as he looks at your phone screen. You’re not quick enough to move, leading Hanbin to snicker as he places his legs on top of his bed, arms crossed.

“I can explain,” you say now, sitting up, but your boyfriend just grins at you.

“Can you now, princess?” He tilts his head and you bite your lip, suddenly forgetting all the explanations you could possibly come up with. You know your boyfriend - he isn’t the jealous type. If anything… he is the opposite. How many nights had he whispered into your ear that he would love to watch you get fucked by someone else, how he got hard just imagining you on someone else’s cock. All you had done when he said that was turn bright red and let him fuck you senseless after - with his own cock, not anyone else’s. 

And now, here you are. Looking at pictures of his best friend (really? out of everyone it had to be Hanbin’s best fucking friend?!) with Hanbin’s eyes sparkling mischievously. It’s obvious what he’s thinking. You clear your throat.

“I don’t- I don’t think you want him to get involved, do you?” You ask carefully and Hanbin leans forward now, smiling.

“Why not? Because he’s been my best friend for years?” He wants to know. When you nod, Hanbin climbs onto the bed, catching you off guard when he wraps his arms around you and brings his lips to your forehead, kissing it softly before looking down at you with yet another one of his beautiful smiles.

“I don’t think there is anyone I’d rather see you getting fucked by, my love.” He says it in such a soft and innocent tone, you can’t help but laugh, burying your head in his chest.

“You’re horrible,” you mumble and Hanbin laughs, bringing one of his hands to the back of your head, patting it lovingly. 

“I love you, you know that right? And if you’re really interested in Matt… I am sure I could arrange something.”

The thing is: you say no. Because why would you want to sleep with someone else when you have your perfect boyfriend right there? Your perfect boyfriend that has always cared more about your pleasure than his? That has made you cum more times than you can count? That perfect boyfriend that has never once let you down. 

You’re in the cafeteria with your bottle of water and a tray full of food but you can’t eat. Your leg is bouncing up and down and your eyes are focused on one of the trash cans at the far end of the room. Not because they are particularly interesting, but because Matthew sat down just a few tables further from you in nothing but a flimsy muscle shirt and ripped jeans and you really, really can’t look at him. So, the trash can it is. 

“Did you see a ghost?” Hao is suddenly next to you, making you flinch and almost knock over the bottle of water.

“Jesus Christ, Hao, next time whistle or something,” you say, frowning at your friend who just shrugs and instead begins eating his food. 

“You didn’t answer my question. Why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost? Is the cafeteria poltergeist back?” 

“What? No. No, I am fine. Totally fine. No ghosts.” You clear your throat and catch yourself sneaking a glance at Matthew after all, regretting it immediately. Because why is he flexing right then and there, laughing his cute laugh after when Gyuvin throws a napkin at him. This is torture. 

“Ah, right. Matthew,” Hao nods and your head swirls around, eyes wide. 

“Matthew, what?” You ask even though you already know. God fucking dammit Sung Hanbin! 

“Bin told me,” Hao confirms and you roll your eyes with a groan, “even though I was kind of offended you didn’t want me to be the first to join you two in the bedroom, Y/N.”

“If I were to ever let that happen I’d be single and you and Hanbin happily married with seven children in no time,” you mumble and Hao chuckles, shaking his head and pulling a hand through his hair.

“At least you’re aware I’m actually his favorite,” he hums at you and the desire to copy Gyuvin and throw a napkin at your friend is extremely tempting. 

“Whatever.” You try to focus back on your food, but your stomach is rumbling and your brain is somewhere totally different, meaning hunger was the last thing on your mind - at least hunger for actual food. 

Hao snickers and watches you, a piece of meat landing on his tongue.

“I think you should do it, Y/N. Hanbin has been dreaming of this moment. Honestly, no idea what he finds so appealing about watching his girlfriend getting fucked by another man, but believe me, you’d make him the happiest man on this earth if you were to bring Matthew into your bedroom.”

The words do more than either of you probably thought. They continue to linger in your mind even hours after Hao had said them, you now being in your dorm with your pen stuck between your teeth, eyes unfocused on the words you’ve been trying to read.

Bring Matthew into your bedroom. Have him be a part of your sex life with Hanbin. Make Hanbin the happiest man on this earth. 

It’s official: You’d be lying if you said the whole thing didn’t turn you on. Imagining Hanbin sitting on the little armchair in his apartment with his cock in his hands as you sat on Matthews stiff length, his strong arms wrapped around you as he thrusted up into your needy pussy…

The pen falls down and you are back in reality, flinching and shaking your head. This is crazy. You couldn’t possibly… a groan escapes you and you let your head fall on top of your desk, slamming your forehead against it a few times, before sitting back up and leaning against your chair, letting your thoughts roam free. Hanbin had literally asked you about this several times. He wanted to bring someone else into the bedroom and he even said that he wouldn’t mind it being Matthew. So, what was stopping you? 

“Fucking hell,” you curse as you pull both hands through your hair and get up, opening the door of your room to walk into the living space, where you are met with none other than Hanbin walking in… Matthew right behind him. You freeze mid step. 

“Hi, I called you, but you didn’t pick up, I hope it’s okay I brought Matt over, we were at the gym and the showers are broken and, well, your apartment is closer.” 

Yes, you can clearly see where those two have been. They are sweaty, hair slightly wet, muscle shirts clinging onto their chests. The tattoo on Matthew’s biceps pops out deliciously when he raises his arm to wave at you. Your eyes wander to your boyfriend, a knowing glint in his eyes. 

“That’s okay,” you croak out, looking back at Matthew and somehow you just cannot stop yourself from checking him out unapologetically. His defined arms, the defined chest, the sweatpants on his strong legs. Your tongue slips out of your mouth and runs over your dried up bottom lip and Matthew can’t help but stare at you, feeling his cheeks heat up at the way you’re looking at him. 

He remembers Hanbin’s words and feels his knees go weak.

“She definitely wants you to fuck her, Matt. She just needs a little… nudge.”

Never had he ever thought his best friend’s girlfriend would ever want him to… do that. He swallows down whatever lump has formed in his throat and looks at Hanbin, unsure. Hanbin, who now walks over to you, his hand softly grabbing your chin, moving your head to look at him.

“I think I should hit the shower first, be a good girl and show Matthew the rest of the apartment, hm?” He kisses your lips softly after that, well aware of what his words just caused. Your eyes flicker up to him, wide and unsure and when he winks at you, squeezing your hand as he slowly makes his way to the door leading into the bathroom, you know that all you can do now is follow your gut. 

There is a certain kind of silence between Matthew and you once the door shuts behind Hanbin, a silence filled with tension so thick it takes your breath away. You watch as Matthew slowly drops his bag onto the floor, his shoes vacant next to it. His legs carry him over to you and with every step he takes, your heart picks up speed while the heat between your legs begins to feel almost unbearable. His eyes say much more than words ever could and when he comes to a stop, he lets them linger on your lips long enough for you to almost lose your mind. 

“So, what’s behind this door?” He asks, nodding in the direction of the bedroom door. The heat is about to make you pass out.

“B-bedroom,” you stutter back. Matthew grins.

“Well, what did Hanbin hyung say? Be a good girl and show me.”

Oh. Oh. A Wave of desire washes over you as you nod, your hand shaking when you push the door open, following Matthew’s hand movement and walking inside, his body right behind yours. He doesn’t close the door behind him, instead he settles on walking through the room, looking around. You try to steady your breathing, failing miserably.

“It’s a nice bedroom,” he says, nodding to himself, “I like the pictures on your wall. Did you take them?” 

When you nod, he smiles at you, obviously impressed.

“You’ve got a good eye.” 

As much as you appreciate the compliment - you can’t really focus on anything else but the way he looks in the dim light coming through the window. His arms, his slowly heaving chest. Your eyes roam over his body and you feel hot all over, wondering what it would feel like to touch him, to feel his muscles tighten around you. 

He notices, of course he does. It’s not hard to miss - the way you eye him up and down, the way your eyes linger a little too long on his chest, his arms. He feels his blood rush down, feels his dick getting hard at the mere idea of you checking him out, wanting him. 

“Maybe,” you begin, not sure where the confidence to speak is coming from but you accept it with open arms, “maybe you should change out of your sweaty clothes.”

His eyebrows shoot up for just a second before they settle back down. He can’t stop the smug smile creeping on his lips, not taking his eyes off you when he starts moving. 

“Yeah? Hm, I think you might be right.” His voice is deep and dripping in cockyness that has your pussy clenching. To make matters worse, he comes to a stop in front of you and immediately moves his hands to the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head the next second to reveal a perfectly sculpted torso - abs and chest and collarbones that make your fingers itch to touch them. 

“Fuck,” you breathe out, stepping closer to him with your hands stretched out, hands that he now grabs with his, pulling you right into him. While he should smell bad, courtesy of working out, he doesn’t. He looks sweaty, he is sweaty, but he smells heavenly. His cologne mixed with his own scent, musky and sweet at the same time, it lingers in your nose, gets your knees weak and Matt has to wrap an arm around your waist to stop you from actually falling to your knees. The smug smile seems to get even more smug. His eyes are on yours and his arm around you seems to squeeze every ounce of self respect you have left right out of you.

“Careful, darling.” His voice is merely a whisper. His breath hits your face and you can’t stop the whimper escaping your lips now even if you tried. That does it for him. He forgets all about his worries and crashes his lips onto yours, free hand now cupping your cheek, meaning both of your hands were free to find their own place to settle on. 

First, you let your right hand feel up his biceps, a moan slipping between your lips when he flexes his arm underneath your grip. The other hand is on his chest, nails digging into his warm skin, causing him to hiss. His teeth sink into your bottom lip and you feel like you could come undone on the spot. 

Matthew deepens the kiss, tongue now inside your mouth, wet and hot and perfect and you let both arms wrap around his neck now, his strong arm carrying you over to the bed, where he puts you down, his body now on yours, one of his thighs slipping between yours - giving you the friction you so desperately needed. His lips move fast and rough and you feel like your whole body is on fire when you begin to move your core against his thick thigh, embarrassingly already feeling a climax approaching. 

“God, you’re so pretty,” his breathy voice against your ear gets you even closer to the edge. You bite down on your lip, arching your back against him and he begins to kiss your neck, kiss it, lick it, bite down on your sensitive skin, one hand now under your shirt, grabbing your braless tits and squeezing them hard. 

“Fuck, Matthew-,” you cry out, nails back to digging into his skin, this time his shoulders. Your hips move uncontrollably against his hard thigh, his tongue now wandering down and finally flicking against your nipple after shoving your top up far enough. Everything inside of you is burning by now. Your clothes feel too hot and you sit up for a second to get rid of your shirt, the wild look in Matthew’s eyes as he watches you is intoxicating. You are quick to wrap your arms around him again when your upper body is freed and he is quick to kiss you again, just as rough as before. 

In no time you feel your first orgasm rush over you, a series of whimpers and moans landing in his mouth, against his lips, down his throat as he swallows them.

“Yeah, baby, so pretty when you cum for me, fucking hell, I bet you’re so fucking wet.”

The orgasm is mindblowing. It’s hot and feels forbidden even though you know it’s not. You know Hanbin is probably standing under the stream of water having to restrict himself from touching his cock, from getting off to the thought of you and Matthew alone in your bedroom. There is no time for you to come down from your high, not with Matthew parting from you only to shove you further up the bed with your newest obsession in the form of his arms. Your mouth waters and your eyes widen when you see the clear outline of his arousal between his legs and you can’t stop yourself from sitting back up.

“Can I suck you off?” You ask him.

He groans and nods, pulling his sweatpants down, leaving almost nothing to imagination anymore. His gray briefs are tight around his cock, a cock you can’t wait to taste on your lips and feel its weight on your tongue. You get on all fours, looking up at him and seeing his eyebrow twitch, a smile on your lips when you finally reach him, fingers in the waistband of his underwear, dragging it down his legs next, his thick cock springing free and smacking against his stomach, leaving a small stain right there on his skin. Moving forward, you grab his cock and lick over his stomach, the stain gone in no time, Matthew’s eyes wide and his mouth hanging open. 

“Fuck.” He breathes out, one hand now on the back of your head, watching you as you begin to pump his cock with one hand, the other helping you keep steady on the mattress. You eye his cock, tongue soon licking his tip clean and Matthew is sure he is about to pass out. His hips buck and you giggle, opening your mouth fully for him to slip inside, easily taking him down your throat, Matthew’s composure about to break. His hand fists your hair, head thrown back as he continues to fuck your mouth. Spit is dripping down onto the bed, spit mixed with his pre and you press your tongue against his shaft, letting him use your throat as much as he likes. 

“So, so good for me, baby, taking me so well, fuck.” 

His raspy voice has your eyes rolling back and your core starting to throb again. It won’t be long until you need a cock stuffing you full. 

“I see you are already acquainted with my princess’ ability to take a cock down her throat no problem.”

Hanbin entered the room with neither of you taking notice. Your heart does a flip, eyes opening and flicking over to your beautiful boyfriend who stands in the door frame, nothing but a towel around his slim body, the tattoo right underneath his neck as well as his v-line on full display for you to drool on Matt’s cock over. Your boyfriend comes closer to you now, Matthew not even taking real notice, too far into his desire. Hanbin stops next to Matthew, smiling to himself as he watches his most beloved girlfriend getting throat fucked by his best friend. The towel does little to hide how much he enjoys the view. 

“My perfect girl, I bet you’re so wet, aren’t you?” He pats your cheek softly, eyes warm but sharp. You want to tell him to get behind you, to fuck you as Matthew fucks your mouth, but you know that’s not what he wants.

“Matt, I think it’s time for you to give our little baby here what she needs.” Shit. You moan around Matt’s cock, dizzy from the way Hanbin seems to lose himself in authority in the best way. He’s confident and secure and you don’t think he’s ever been sexier to you. Finally, Matt lets his cock drop from your lips and you wipe over your mouth with the back of your hand, looking from Matt to Hanbin.

“You did so well, baby, ‘am so proud of you.” Hanbin leans forward, kissing your lips and then your cheeks and finally your forehead before looking back at Matthew and giving him the go with a nod. 

A few seconds later you’re on your back, Matthew’s cock deep inside you, wrapped in a condom Hanbin had handed him (“The only one cumming inside her is me, sorry bud,” he had said and Matthew had only nodded, too horny to even really care), fucking into you like a madman. Your back was arched and your fingers were wrapped around his biceps that were all nice and hard as he held himself up above you, his hips working at godspeed. 

Watching all of this from your desk chair, Hanbin had discarded the towel on the floor, his hand around his leaking cock, watching his best friend fuck his girlfriend just the way she liked it. His eyes are glued to your face, the way it is contoured in nothing but pleasure - your eyes closed shut and your mouth dropped open, the sounds coming out of it more than just music to his ears. You sound like heaven to him - like something no one could ever compare to. He licks over his lips, stroking his cock a little quicker as he lets his eyes roam over the rest of you; your tits as they bounce up and down, your legs crossed around Matthew’s waist. Everything about you is perfect and he can’t believe he got to finally see your pleasure from this point of view.

“G-gonna cum, fuck, sh-shit,” Matthew feels himself tumbling over the edge, his head dipping down to kiss your neck and lick up to your lips, pulling you into a kiss that takes your already harbored breath away. He moves faster, with less control and finally, when he feels you clench around his cock over and over - hot cum shoots out of his exhausted cock and into the condom, for a split second wishing there wasn’t one. 

He rides out his orgasm, kissing your lips and cheeks and moving down to your neck, your hands in his hair now, enjoying the way he twitches inside of you. When he rolls off your body, he is still trying to catch his breath, even more sweaty than before. With all of the tension and arousal gone, he now starts to feel blood rush to his cheeks, slowly looking over at you only to see you fondly smiling at him.

“Thanks,” you giggle, letting your fingers brush through his wet bangs. He smiles, showing his rows of white teeth.

“Right back at you,” he says, looking at Hanbin then, who has gotten up. He exchanges glances and nods, knowing that this next part is not for his eyes.

“Guess I’ll finally hit the shower then.” Matthew chuckles, getting off the bed and hurrying to the door that he ends up closing this time.

Hanbin is on top of you a second later, his lips devouring yours, hands on your face, cock pressing against the inside of your thigh. You sigh into his mouth, hands on his nape as you kiss him back, butterflies everywhere, your stomach feeling like you’re flying. 

“You did so well, baby, made me so happy, so horny, god, I love you,” he kisses you between every word and you giggle, wrapping your legs around him.

“I love you too, need you, too, please fill me up, Hannie.”

He nods, kissing the corner of your mouth before skillfully turning you around, slipping into your pussy through your legs flat on the mattress. Fuck. You love it when he fucks you like this. His mouth is right by your ear, his cock easily slipping into you, the moan he lets out making your pussy flutter.

“So wet baby, did he fuck you well, hm? Liked his cock in your mouth? Your pussy?” He whispers into your ear, his hips beginning to fuck you into the mattress hard. You cry out, hands gripping the bed sheets.

“Y-Yes! Liked it a lot.”

“Hm, bet you did. Bet you would have loved it if I had fucked you when you had his cock in your mouth, isn’t that right, baby?” His hips are so skilled, know exactly how to move to make you lose your mind, forget all your words. So, all you can do is nod your head yes.

Hanbin chuckles, kissing the back of your neck.

“I am so lucky to have you.” 

His speed triples after this. He ruts into you like it’s his life goal to have you coming undone on his cock, to have his seed spill into you and claim you as his. Your cries of pleasure make him go even harder, the sound of his cock slipping in and out of your wet pussy so lewd it has both of your heads spinning. When you feel your second climax approaching, you clench around him, Hanbin biting into your shoulder as he continues his thrusts. Neither of you will hold out any longer and so, when he gives you permission with a sweet kiss and a “cum for me, princess”, you can’t help yourself. Pleasure runs through every inch of your body, pulsating around Hanbin’s cock and taking him over the edge with you.

“Yeah, baby, that’s it, shit,” Hanbin empties inside you, hot cum filling your spent pussy and you cry out his name over and over again, just as he does yours. All through getting down from his high, he showers your back with kisses, hands caressing your sides. When he slips out of you and helps turn you on your back, you feel his release dripping out too and he is quick to stuff it back in with his slim fingers, your pussy clenching as you whimper in overstimulation.

“Bin!” Your hands both move to his wrist, eyes wide and he grins, the wrinkles under his eyes making you all soft inside. 

“Sorry, baby. Just making sure what’s yours stays in there.” He kisses the top of your nose and you roll your eyes at him, swatting at his shoulder.

“You’ve got a dirty mouth.”

Your boyfriend just laughs, kissing you lovingly, free hand caressing your cheek. 

Someone clearing their throat in the door makes you part again. There stands Matthew, his eyes glued to the both of you with something like uncertainty in his gaze.

“I just- uh, I just wanted to know where, uh, where you kept the towels.”

You can see clearly that he’s been watching you longer than a few seconds. You and Hanbin share a look before you burst out laughing.

“Maybe we should take a shower together. All three of us,” You say, grinning from Hanbin to Matthew. They both are visibly surprised at your proposal, Matthew looking a little unsure when his and Hanbin’s gaze meet. 

“Sounds like a wonderful plan to me, sweetheart. I could definitely use another shower after this.” Hanbin grins happily. And Matthew thinks that maybe he could get used to this. 

chemical infatuation

genre. yandere au. patient!jisung x researcher!reader

desc. jisung takes part in a high-paying yet sketchy study with seemingly no risks, but the injection causes him to quickly grow obsessed with the daytime staff member assigned to his study.

warnings. needles. vomit. murder.

wc. 3.5k

“is it a bad time to tell you that i’m a little claustrophobic?” your patient, han jisung, nervously shifted in his seat, fiddling with the hem of his sweater.

“we have to keep you in this containment during our research.“

the containment room, with its dim lighting and cushioned walls, seemed to close in on him. the dimensions felt constricting, heightening the anxiety surging through his veins.

every inch of the space was under surveillance, every move to be meticulously scrutinized by the watchful eyes of researchers.

what a sketchy situation. but it was better than he had expected from a craigslist ad that he had chanced upon.

the snap of your rubber gloves pulled him away from his thoughts, “it isn’t too late to back out, we have a few more candidates willing to take your place.”

500 million won. that was enough for him to do anything.

“i’m fine. i’m ready.”

“alright then, pull your arm out of your sweater for me.”

“i have a tank top underneath.” the boy shuffled out of the sweater and placed it onto his lap.

“and as the paperwork says, you have no allergies, anaphylaxis, or any history of mental illness?”

“nope.”

he flinched as the cool alcohol pad met his bicep.

“the medication we are testing for you should not hurt you much as far as we are concerned,” you began prepping the needle and syringe, “the only side effects that we predict could be a minor headache for a couple of days. it is not dangerous.”

jisung closed his eyes as you squeezed his arm slightly, pushing the needle through his skin.

you gently placed the gauze onto his arm, “finished. how do you feel immediately?”

“normal. a little shaken up from nerves, but no problems. what do i do now?”

“you’ll be watched for a month. the only restrictions are that you aren’t allowed to leave this room or use any devices.”

the idea of isolation and confinement weighed a bit heavily on him, but he was determined to see it through.

you motion towards the mattress in the corner, “we will change your bedding twice throughout the month. let us know if you are uncomfortable with the temperature of the room, need extra bedding, or anything else.”

jisung nodded.

“let us know if you need to use the bathroom and we will temporarily disable the cameras for your privacy. but we will take urine samples if we deem it necessary.”

“and what about food?”

“you’ll be fed three meals per day, with two snacks.”

“thank you. that’s all i need to know,” he paused for a moment, “other than your name. what’s your name?”

“y/n l/n,” you gather your paperwork, “your personal belongings will be returned once we go through to make sure there is nothing that could alter our research.”

the door had closed and locked, leaving jisung alone in the room with just his thoughts to keep him company until his stuff was given back to him.

Beginning Notes

Han Jisung (Male)

23 years old, no known medical problems

Acterenol, Administered 16:38, 5/17/25.

Intramuscular, Upper Arm

Notes: Jisung feels nervous about receiving the injection. Administered at 16:38 with no noted side effects.

you watched the boy through the array of cameras placed strategically throughout the room as he lay on the mattress. his sweater was haphazardly discarded across the room, a seemingly small attempt to make himself more comfortable in the sterile, plain environment.

despite the initial nerves of a new medication, nothing had seemed to happen. at the fifteen-minute mark, you stepped away from the cameras for a moment— if there were to be a severe sudden reaction, it would have manifested by now, you reasoned.

throughout your shift, your attention continued to drift back to the screens displaying jisung’s every move. with each glance, you found him engaged in various activities—doodling, writing in a journal, or simply staring off into space, lost in thought.

nothing seemed to go wrong. perhaps this medication would be approved.

Overnight Notes

Han Jisung (Male)

23 years old, no known medical problems

Acterenol, Administered 16:38, 5/17/25.

Intramuscular, Upper Arm

Notes: Jisung ate all of dinner and requested night snacks. He had slept well. No side effects were recorded.

you press the bright red button, lowering your mouth to the microphone.

“how is everything down there? any side effects?”

“y/n? is that you speaking?”

“yes,” you were surprised that the boy had remembered your name, “what are your symptoms?”

“you should come into the room to speak with me. i’m lonely here.”

“i have to record your symptoms. i can’t come down there unless i know that you’re stable.”

the microphone had only barely picked up his sigh. “i’m normal.”

“any headaches? dizziness? dry throat?”

“nope. nothing. everything’s fine. just lonely.”

you sigh. he seemed normal. he was lying in bed, staring up at one of the cameras.

so it was fine, right?

you push open the door, greeted by the grinning patient on his mattress.

“you smell nice. what products do you use?”

what an odd conversation starter. “nothing special. just a lavender-scented body wash.”

he nods. “the overnight staff were fine, but i think that i prefer you. i can’t put my finger on it quite yet.”

was jisung naturally this blunt with his words? or was he flirting with you?

“what do you plan to do during your stay here?”

he leans back against the cushioned wall, “i compose songs for artists. i figured that it would be easy to get a lot of work done in here.”

“i see. is that your songwriting journal then?” you eye the small black book and pen next to him.

he takes the pen into his hand, “yup. it’s one of the few things that i brought here.”

“you’ll have to show me some of your work sometime throughout the month.”

“you can look at my work now,” he grins, clicking the pen, “my name is HAN. look me up.”

the name stays in your mind as you exit the room and lock the door. you find your way back to your seat at the cameras to supervise the man, pulling your lunch out of your back.

one hand holds a sandwich as the other browses through safari, looking at the songs that your patient had composed.

you hadn’t heard any of them, but perhaps it would be a good idea to look into the lyrics. it would give you things to talk about with him for the following month.

the rest of the shift was boring. you watched as he wrote in his notebook, ate his food, hummed to himself— nothing interesting.

the most intriguing thing that you experienced was the occasional ‘help!’ button being pressed, only for the man to announce that he needed to take a piss.

your misery was ended once your coworker entered the room, placing his keys and bag down on the table.

a sigh of relief left you, “thank god. it’s so boring.”

“thanks for the warning.”

Overnight Notes

Han Jisung (Male)

23 years old, no known medical problems

Acterenol, Administered 16:38, 5/17/25.

Intramuscular, Upper Arm

Notes: Jisung ate all of dinner and requested no night snack. Awoke at 01:00 and 03:00. Specified no reason for waking. Special request for morning staff: Deliver lavender-scented body wash.

your eyes stared down at the note with slightly widened eyes.

perhaps he had good intentions, perhaps your defenses were just too high. after all, he might just like the scent of lavender like you did.

“good morning. any headaches? dizziness? dry throat?”

“my arm is a little sore, and i’m a bit restless, but that is all.”

you record his answers— finally something to write down.

“i saw your request from last night. i’ll get a staff member to deliver your body wash. did you run out? i’m sure we gave you enough.”

“i still have some. i just wanted to try yours out.”

how strange.

“you’re coming down to see me today, right?”

“not today. i want to see if your symptoms worsen throughout the day. it’s best to be careful.”

you watch through the camera as he slumps back, visibly disappointed.

today, the boy had begun to act a little bit differently. every couple of minutes, he would stop his writing to look up at the camera.

you would hold eye contact with him for a few moments, even though he couldn’t see you before he would look back down again with a large grin that wasn’t on his face before.

soon, the bottle of body wash was delivered to his room.

“y/n! is that you?” he jumped out of bed as the lock clicked, only to be disappointed to see a man in a mask and gloves leave it right inside of the door.

he crept towards the bottle, snapping the lid off, holding it up to his nose, then inhaling deeply.

“it smells like you.”

you clenched your teeth, writing down the reactions.

walking over towards the center of the room, he peeled his t-shirt off his frame, then pulled down his sweatpants and boxers in one go.

you shrieked, slamming the buttons to disable the camera.

he was supposed to tell you when he needed privacy.

with shaky hands, you began to jot down his behaviors.

once ten minutes had passed, you turned the camera back on in hopes that he was decent again. this time, you had enabled the camera with caution, only to see that he was showering.

you disable it once again and decide that this would be a good time to have lunch.

the image of the naked man was etched into your mind as you tried to force the salad down your throat.

it was a good thirty minutes until you got the courage to turn the camera back on, sighing in relief as you saw him on his bed with sweatpants on once again.

jisung stared up at the ceiling with hooded eyes, chest rising and falling— you weren’t sure what was going through his mind.

you press the button. “everything alright in there?”

he perked up, “y/n, everything is just fine. i wish you were in here, though, instead of behind that stupid camera.”

you bite your lip uncomfortably, unsure of how to respond.

changing the subject would be best.

“lunch will be delivered soon.”

“good. i’m a bit hungry.”

you take your finger off of the button, sitting back in your seat, waiting for your shift to be over.

Overnight Notes

Han Jisung (Male)

23 years old, no known medical problems

Acterenol, Administered 16:38, 5/17/25.

Intramuscular, Upper Arm

Notes: Jisung ate most of dinner and requested no night snack. Had difficulty falling and staying asleep. Awoke many times to journal. Refused conversation about his symptoms.

“y/n? you’re here, right? right?”

you had only just opened the door to the surveillance room, met with his muffled voice through the speakers.

“y/n? y/n? baby? my beautiful doll?”

the nickname caught you off guard, breath caught in your throat.

before answering, you grabbed the pen off the desk to jot down the behavior. this was not normal.

he stared directly into the camera. “i know you’re here. i journaled the minutes until he would leave and you would replace him.”

your legs shook as you took a seat.

why were you so nervous? it wasn’t like you were in danger. the door was locked. his body language did not seem hostile.

but his eyes told a different story. they were dark, crazed, restless.

“doll? can you hear me? can you hear me?”

your voice stuttered, “what are your symptoms?”

“i missed your voice, y/n.”

“any headaches? dizziness? dry throat?”

“none,” jisung answered quickly, “so you can come down and see me, right?”

you lied through your teeth. “not today. we are still a bit worried about yesterday’s symptoms.”

“fuck!” his forehead hit against the wall.

you took your finger away from the button.

he balled his hand into a fist before hurling it towards the same wall.

jisung crumbles to the floor. “i can’t take it anymore.”

“are you alright? are you in pain? do you need help?” you grasp your pen with an unsteady hand, “tell me what’s going on. talk to me.”

“i need to see you again, i waited all night just for you to tell me no.”

“it’s for the safety of you and myself.”

his voice was barely above a raspy whisper, “i promise i won’t hurt you, i’d never hurt you. i couldn’t hurt you.”

“jisung,” you started sternly, “i’m unable to see you. please abide by the rules of the study.”

“can’t i quit?”

“you signed a form stating that unless there is a medical emergency, you aren’t to leave this room. i’m quite not sure that you’re in your right state of mind right now.”

“i would be fine if you’d let me see you again.”

it was pointless to argue with the man, so you let go of the button, jotting down the conversation.

jisung did not eat, speak, or move from his spot that day.

Overnight Notes

Han Jisung (Male)

23 years old, no known medical problems

Acterenol, Administered 16:38, 5/17/25.

Intramuscular, Upper Arm

Notes: Jisung ate no dinner and requested no night snack. Did not sleep through the night. Refused conversation.

“doll, you’re back.” his raspy voice announced your presence just as you opened the door as if he was in the room with you.

on the camera, he was spread out in the middle of the floor like a starfish. his blonde hair covered his face, but you could still see the eye bags forming under his sunken eyes.

“i have a bit of a headache. i’m dizzy. my throat is dry,” he answered your questions for you, “will i get to see you today, doll?”

you were a bit afraid to answer, hesitating as you pressed the button, “i’m sorry. no.”

“but i will be able to see you after the study, right? after the study you’ll marry me, right?”

your heart dropped into your stomach at the words.

“i have a partner, jisung.”

“i know,” he smiled lightly, “it’s me. but soon i’ll be your husband, right?”

this was too much. you felt sick. you needed to alert the rest of the team and let someone else take over this case. hell, you might even quit your job.

“imagine you as han y/n. it sounds beautiful, doesn’t it?”

his crazed voice rang through your ears as you stood up from your seat.

“nobody else has ever made me feel this way, do you know that? all i want is you. and i’ve only seen you twice. isn’t that absurd? love is just so beautiful.”

his words caused you to still. you felt like a deer in headlights.

“do you think the shot is what made me crazy? because ever since we met eyes after you gave it to me, i couldn’t stop thinking about you. about your touch, even through the gloves. all of my songs have been about you. i even drew you.”

waves of nausea came crashing down on you.

“i can’t wait until i’m finally out of here. i can finally have you all to myself. i’ll kill that night staff for taking you away from me.”

jisung scoffed at the thought of him, “and he’s the one who gets the pleasure of passing by you every day? do you like him? i’ll gouge his eyes out and wear his skin if you like him more than me, hm?”

you raced towards the trash can in the corner of the room, stomach churning as your breakfast came right out of your mouth.

the smell was putrid, acidic, disgusting. but not as disgusting as the words of the sick man behind the camera.

“did you watch me shower, my love? i don’t mind if you did. your lavender body wash felt so good on my body, i imagined it was you in there with me, washing my body yourself—“

you ran out of the room, slamming the door behind you.

“he’s crazy! he’s gone mad!” you point towards the surveillance room, tears streaming down your face as you try to explain the situation to the nearest person that you can find.

“calm down. go to the break room. i’ll alert the rest and we’ll handle it.”

“you’ll be okay,” a staff member reassures, handing you a much-needed drink from the vending machine, “he won’t be able to escape. we will detain him and try to get him any help that we can.”

“even aside from how creepy he was, i just feel terrible, you know? i gave him that shot.”

“it isn’t your fault. he knew what he was getting into. we tried our best to determine the effects. there was no way of knowing.”

although he was right, guilt and horror still ate you up as you rested your head in your hands.

“this is why our job is important, so that only one person gets hurt instead of an entire population of people.”

“what a shitty job.”

he laughed as he got up, “tell me about it. i’m gonna go see what i can do to help. let us know if you need anything.”

the door closes and you lay your head down on the table, closing your eyes.

all you could think about was the man and his words.

‘i can’t wait until i’m finally out of here. i can finally have you all to myself. i’ll kill that night staff for taking you away from me.’

would he be able to leave? would he be able to get over this love sickness? is it reversible? nobody knew anything about it. the only thing that could be done is watching him.

it only seemed to get worse over the days, and you didn’t want to know what he would be like at the end of the month.

Overnight Notes

Han Jisung (Male)

23 years old, psychosis

Acterenol, Administered 16:38, 5/17/25.

Intramuscular, Upper Arm

Notes: Jisung ate no dinner and requested no night snack. Did not sleep through the night. Refused conversation aside from asking for previous staff, Y/N L/N.

you no longer worked with jisung. instead, you had been assigned to a new case.

“it isn’t too late to back out, we have a few more candidates willing to take your place.”

“i’m not nervous. go ahead and inject me, doctor,” the patient joked, pulling her sleeve up.

“and as the paperwork says, your only allergy is mild reaction to shellfish, but no anaphylaxis or any history of mental illness?”

“all correct.”

you were wiping her bicep with alcohol when the door had opened, screams piercing your ears from outside of the soundproof room.

“y/n?”

blood dripped onto the floor from his heaving form, eyes bloodshot and locked right on your form. in his hand, he held a loaded handgun, the smell of gun powder seeping into the room.

the patient in front of you screeched, immediately making a run for it before her brains were splattered across the room.

your ears rung from the shot, standing stalk still as jisung approached you.

everything was moving too quickly. you couldn’t process a single thing. your head was spinning. you needed to survive.

“please, i’ll do anything, don’t hurt me.”

“i told you. i won’t hurt you, i’d never hurt you. i couldn’t hurt you.” a bloody hand ran through your hair, taking advantage of your frozen figure.

“i can’t believe i’m so close to you right now.” his nose buried into your neck and you could feel the cold metal of the gun pressing against your back.

“they’re all dead. and you’re back.”

he dropped the gun to the floor, fishing through his pocket.

before you could register what was happening, jisung had already lodged a needle into your arm.

“sleep tight, my doll, i’ll get us out of here.”