Schlockamorph - Schlock Amorph - Tumblr Blog

In a world where everyone discovers their superpower at age 5, you discover that your child has the ability to bring small toys to life. Things seem fine until he comes across your Warhammer 40k miniature collection…

You’re cursed by the demon tortoise, Shelloko. He moves as slow as molasses, but vows to one day bite you. According to legend, his bite will kill anyone instantly. You live an ordinary life, moving from place to place and never knowing how close this demonic turtle is to reaching you.

“Every 5000 years, the Dark Lord comes to destroy the world, and only you, the Chosen One can stop him.” -said the priest. “So, do I need to get a magic sword from the Lady of the Lake?” - I asked “No, just press this button please, everything else has already been taken care of”

You live in a country where murder is legal - The catch is, it has to be declared a week in advance. The aggressor has to wait the full week, but the victim may begin defending themselves immediately upon receiving notice. While a legitimate threat is legal, a false one is very much not.

Mother Earth isn’t just a metaphor. The entire Earth ecosystem is in fact a sapient whole. The only reason we don’t see aliens is because Mother Earth is super xenophobic and kills any non-terran life that appears. Aliens learned this the hard way and are not sure how to handle humans.

You are participating in a cosplay event, and many people are praising your excellent costume. Here’s the fun part - you are not wearing a costume, you have no idea how you got here, and for some strange reason, half of the people here are dressed up as YOU.

For most of college everyone thought you were deaf when in reality you just don’t like talking and learned sign language at a young age. You never corrected anyone until someone confessed their love for you, thinking you couldn’t hear them.

You are a superhero looking for your sidekick who recently went missing. In your search you run into your archnemises who is searching for their henchmen who also went missing. You two soon discover that your sidekick and their henchmen are dating.

You’ve acquired super strength. Little did you realize that, since nothing stresses your muscles anymore, this causes you to appear extremely skinny and under-muscled.

You have one super power: The ability to know without fail what the truth is to any asked question. You planned to help the world as a super hero. It took you six hours for the government to declare you public enemy number one and the most deadly super villain alive.

You’re a street magician whose schtick is acting constantly befuddled about how these simple tricks keep happening to the items in your hands. The truth is, you have no idea how they keep happening, and it’s taking a toll on your personal life.

You have been in an online relationship with someone for several years. They claim to be from outer space and sometimes you hear odd languages and sounds in the background. You take it as a joke… until your first meeting is in an empty cornfield with a giant light that appears in the sky.

Aliens arrive on Earth, but not for sinister purposes like colonization or waging war on us. They’re just so darn excited to see other life forms in the universe!

A few weeks ago, a man made national news by appearing out of nowhere from some other dimension that seems identical to ours. Encountering you out on the street, he recognizes you as the main character from his favorite book back in his home world.

Humanity has made first contact with the alien residents of a rogue planet. However, the aliens don’t understand human technology and believe that the spacesuits they wear are their physical forms. When the humans take off their helmets for the first time, they freak.

You are having a hard time explaining to your fellow witches that your familar is a giraffe.

At 4,294,967,296 Kelvin the display flipped to 0 and the test reactor’s plasma suddenly froze in place. The reactor containment system creaked as the pressure instantly dropped to zero. The scientist calmly spoke, “Absolute hot confirmed, 32-bit overflow confirmed, world simulation confirmed.

It is true, most species in the galaxy found us to be uncivilized. But they lived for millennia under the thumb of an empire that basically bred them for domestication. They fear us like wolves, we pity them like pugs.

You keep having dreams where you are in a coffee shop with a girl you’ve never met before, the only thing you can remember is a moon tattooed in her arms. One day, while grabbing your morning coffee, a girl comes up, lifts her sleeve to show tiny moon tattoo and says: “Hey! I’ve been waiting!”.

Aliens are invading earth, starting with an invasion of Poland as per human tradition.

You’re a weird gamer. When you play a videogame, you let the enemy bots win. Sometimes, after reaching a boss, you let the boss win. You’ve never beaten any game completely. 20 years later, when a super-intelligent conscious A.I. is taking over the world, it becomes aware of your odd compassion

Job hunts are literally that: You seek out the job you desire and kill the one who has it, or even engage them in ritual combat to claim the job as your own. You have just turned of age and desire your first minimum wage job.

You feel no fear as you approach the evil overlord’s lair, and why would you? You and your companions are the most feared adventurers in the land. Edarion the Paladin, Shaista the Wizard, Chiro the Cleric, and Larry the Personal Injury Attorney.

You miraculously survive a plane crash and wake in the hospital. They inform you that your right arm was severed and had to be reattached. It feels all wrong. Weeks later while making a fist flames ignite around it. This is not your arm.