While We Are On The Subject - Financial Abuse Is Not Always Just Physically Taking Money Away Or Not

While we are on the subject - financial abuse is not always just physically taking money away or not having a savings account or escape stash. For a lot of people it is the other spouse sabotaging your credit score, constantly overspending, and you being unable to trust that joint household bills and loans are paid. Did you know that once you add an authorized user to your bank account it’s nearly impossible to remove them without their permission? Did you know that your spouse, who likely knows your birthday and SSN, can often gain access and reset passwords for any online accounts and create new ones?

Financial abuse will ruin your life and there’s really nothing except significant time that fixes it. If you are in a situation where you think this might happen to you you should freeze your credit with all three major agencies. You can find info on how to do this at USA.gov/credit-freeze

This is not something that only happens to tradwives. You are not exempt because you are independent or competent.

I think the whole “we all end up disabled” thing is particularly frustrating to me because I was born disabled and will die disabled and will become increasingly more disabled between those two points. I understand that ageing happens, accidents happen, etc etc

but when I was talking about having a right to imagine disabled futures, I was talking about the right for disabled babies to be born and to grow into happily disabled adults. and I shouldn’t have to justify that desire by scaring ableds about how soon they’ll become one of us. it should be enough that I exist and people like me exist, and we all deserve the right to live happy lives

The concerns most people have about people faking disability aren’t based in fact. Obviously people aren’t faking disability en mass for benefits or to get out of work or any of that stuff

But there is one form of faking that I think is a real problem for disabled people that I don’t think gets talked about enough. And that’s able bodied people pretending to be disabled (in my experience physically) to get emotionally closer to disabled people in order to exploit, abuse and/ or receive sexual gratification.

I’ve had it myself where people message me claiming to be disabled and struggling, asking for friendship or advice who have dodgy motives.

One time after making a post about incontinence, a person messaged me claiming to be newly paralysed and struggling with incontinence. They wanted to hear my experiences of using adult nappies due to a lack of changing places toilets. I was a bit suspicious of this person, clicked the account and it was all disability and humiliation based incontinence fetish posts. The person on the other end was exploiting my desire to support other disabled people so he could have a wank over how gross and embarrassing he found me.

Another time a person messaged me claiming to be quadriplegic and looking for someone with a body like his. I clicked the account and it was nothing more than a fetish blog full of stolen photos of wheelchair users. I’m sure the long game was to persuade me to send photos of me in my wheelchair to add to the collection.

I know that Facebook groups for amputees have this problem constantly of people sending messages like “I’m recovering from amputation and insecure about how my stump looks, can you show me yours?” and then using those photos for sexual gratification and sharing them with others to do the same. Similarly for wheelchair users and SCI groups.

Most of the people targeted are women, but as a man I’ve had several run ins with this as well.

There’s also people who pretend to be disabled to get close to an emotionally and physically vulnerable disabled person so they can isolate and abuse them later. I won’t go into details here but this is what happened with my abusive ex. I know for sure they made up a lot of their physical “disability”, other parts I have my suspicions about but will never have proof of either way. My ex is not the only person who uses this technique.

And unlike the very rare occurrence of benefits cheats this is a deeply embedded societal problem which systematically harms certain groups of disabled people.

As disabled people we need to be able to talk about this so that we can recognise it when it happens and share our concerns when we’re victims of it to prevent further victimisation of others.

“i’ll punch any terf who comes after transfems in the face!!1!1!” “i’d defend transfems with my life!!” “terfs are not welcome here!!!” okay but are you a meaningful accomplice or just an agitator. are you engaging in activism with the intent to help transfems or are you engaging in activism with the intent to hurt terfs. you HAVE to remember humanity. remember that showing kindness to transfems is more important than punching terfs. and yes if a terf shows up make yourself very clear that they’re not welcome. but absent any immediate threats, prioritize aid and support. if you have the funds, donate to transfems who need funding for housing, food, medical care. if you don’t, reblog mutual aid posts or share them into places where people have the ability to donate. find local nonprofits and donate your time volunteering. put up posters around your area. create a safer space with your efforts, not a more hostile space. help transfems live.

My therapist just told me my problem is that I need to write more fanfiction.

i think a lot of people going on about how veganism and environmentalism are inherently classist because they've decided to conflate these ideas with expensive luxury goods would be better served by just admitting that it's largely about effort.

and that is ok! it takes effort to change your habits. it often takes more effort to be vegan in a non-vegan world. or to buy used instead of new. to take public transport/ride your bike instead of taking your car. and many people are poor on energy and motivation, because they are struggling in life, because they have to work a lot, because their mental health is not good. it's ok to say "i cannot do this right now because it feels overwhelming". it's not okay to spread disinformation about valuable movements because it's an easy way to appease your own conscience

one thing allows for you to reasses your actions once your situation in life changes. the other inherently paints the change as a bad thing to undertake