Gideon Gleeful Is Totally Not 9, And Is Actually A Vampire

Gideon Gleeful is totally not 9, and is actually a vampire

Let’s have a look at the evidence

When Dipper and Mabel went back in time in the episode Blendin’s Game, they landed in Gravity Falls ten years ago.If Lil’ Gideon was 9, he wouldn’t have been born yet, but here we see him in his stroller with Bud and Mrs. Gleeful

So definitely existing at a time when he should not technically exist, if he was 9 as he is generally accepted to be. It should also be noted that here he’s sporting his present-day hair, and not the tiny baby hair that’s depicted in the “just had a baby demon” sign above. What else are the Gleefuls lying to us about? And why lie about his hair? Maybe he isn’t really a baby at all? 

The sign itself is pretty suspicious. We’re meant to take it as a joke, but Gravity Falls has used jokes to mask clues in the past and I wouldn’t put it past them to do it again.

Stan says specifically, “Ever since that monster Gideon rolled into town, I’ve had nothing but trouble.”

I mean there’s an obvious connection there with “monster” but ALSO CONSIDER: Why would Grunkle Stan say that Gideon “rolled into” town if Gideon had been born there, as we’ve been lead to believe? Why wouldn’t he just say ever since he was born? Conclusion: he wasn’t born there. He “rolled in” from somewhere else.

Gideon parallels the vampire from the “Widdlest Wampire” advertisement from the end screen of Into the Bunker really really well. The “widdlest wampire” is pulling a really similar face and pose to the one Gideon uses to get his audience to go “aw”, the ad is the the ONLY non-Gideon use of the word “widdle” in all of Gravity Falls, and the first time we see Gideon he’s also wearing a cape.

Throughout all of the episodes in which Gideon appears, no one ever once refers to him as a kid. BudGleeful and Lil Gideon himself both refer to him as a “boy”, but even they havenever referred to him as a child. Dipper refers to him as a kid, but Dipper hasn’tbeen in Gravity Falls long enough to know otherwise. He also thought Gideon didn’t have any powers and like two scenes later was proven wrong about that.

Gideon has five fingers on each hand just as the adults in Gravity Falls do. When asked at 2013 SDCC why Gideon has five fingers while the rest of the children have only four, Alex Hirsch refused to respond on the grounds that the answer was too spoilery.

In the episode Dreamscaperers, the movie everyone’s watching right after Lil Gideon tries to steal the deed to the Mystery Shack called Grandpa the Kid. Y’know, like an old person posing as a kid. 

Gideon talks like an old man. In Hand the Rocks the Mabel he refers to Dipper as “boy” and uses big words that even Grunkle Stan has to comment on. Also in the same episode he gets winded after a very short dance. You know who else gets winded after light physical activity? Old people. Also his hair is white like an old man’s and he also dresses like an old man, as well.

Bud Gleeful defers to him as if he was actually Gideon’s son and not the other way around, and Mrs. Gleeful is downright terrified of him.

This tiny representation of Gideon has pitch-black demon eyes.

Gideon being a vampire makes the entire “Mabel wishing for a vampire boyfriend” plot in Tourist Trapped thousands of times more ironic and more mind-blowing on the rewatch and let’s be real here that’s totally something Alex Hirsch would do on purpose.

Furthermore if Lil Gideon is actually a REALLY OLD VAMPIRE, then the episode title Hand that Rocks the Mabel  is a reference to a really creepy movie about someone trying to steal a baby, called “hand that rocks the cradle”. Stealing a baby sounds a lot like “cradle robbing” which urban dictionary defines as dating someone who is MUCH MUCH younger than you. Which actually makes sense to the plot of the episode, when you factor in that GIDEON IS REALLY REALLY OLD.

TL;DR: The only conclusion I can come to here is that Gideon is a really old vampire who wants to make Mabel his vampire queen for some reason.

Puberty

What we could have had WHAT WE COULD HAVE HAD

(WIP) your honor i am. going insane also volume warning its a bit loud

Hi all, I am posting this on behalf of my close family member, who is in desperate need of mutual aid.

My cousin's family is in a very difficult position- they are a family of five, where all three children are all students, with one still a minor. A few months ago, my aunt started feeling unbearable pain on her shoulders- which radiated to her spine- after a bunch of tests, the Drs surmised that her cervical area is inflamed due to repetitive strain, and diagnosed her with cervical spondylosis.

My aunt deteriorated acutely, leading to pinched nerves over her arms as well, with limited movement where she is unable to walk.- which, needless to say, she is incapacitated from work.

She has also suffered from Dengue last month- which has lead to so many medical bills.

Me and my cousin made a fundrazr campaign, as gofundme currently does not work with philippine banks. This campaign is to help my aunt and her family recover from medical debt, to make sure she has her supply of necessary medication, and physical therapy to get her back to health and to make sure her family remains housed, with their basic necessities met.

We are from the global south, where Healthcare is often a luxury, so any help from those with disposable income would mean life.

One usd is equal to around 50 pesos, which can buy water and a bowl of rice. Every donation counts, and is deeply, deeply appreciated. Thank you so much.

FundRazr

Lifesaving treatment and recovery for my mom

Hey all! My name is Jess, and I am a recent college graduate just starting out. I’m reaching out to you with a heavy heart but also with hop

0/ 2.5k usd funded as of posting.

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@the-haiku-bot posts used:

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