Courted By A Hero?

Courted by a… Hero?

synopsis: Diluc has feelings for you, but is under the impression that you do not reciprocate - his courting attempts show as much. But he comes to find out, that you are at ease around his alter ago… 

It won’t hurt to try and court you as the Darknight Hero. Right?

pairing: Diluc x fem!reader

tw: fluff, pining, courting, seemingly unreciprocated feelings, Darknight Hero!Diluc

word count: 3k words

a/n: this was suggested by a lovely anon~

Diluc Ragnvindr is enamored with you.

Diluc Ragnvindr thinks he is not that subtle about his affections. But it seems that he actually is, because otherwise the Master of the Dawn Winery does not understand how you manage to miss all the clues, all the longing gazes, all the small compliments and acts he does for you in attempts to hint that he’d like to court you.

Аpparently the longing in his eyes is lost in his regular stoic and a bit mournful expression, small compliments are so polite that it’s not hard to mistake them for his gentlemanly antics, and his other actions are just a thread away from acts of service and help, which, given his сhivalry nature, do not stand out too.

Diluc doesn’t get many opportunities to see you, since you do not visit the tavern often, but he tries so hard to make the meetings more numerous. An invitation to play cards at the Cat’s Tail here and there, an insistence to walk you home, an offer to accompany you through the market as you go grocery shopping, always coming with an excuse of checking on the goods to tell Elzer later what purchases they should change for the Winery and its workers. Adelinde always smiles at him knowingly whenever some new dishes are added to his menu.

He is trying to show his affections to you, he really does, but he is too dense for that to come out exactly as he pictured it in his head. However, when you smile at him softly, accepting his offers, when you vent a little to him about a stupid coworker, when you stop at the Good Hunter to have supper with him - he thinks that the long process is worth it.

It’s a great surprise, but the first time he gets an opportunity to hold you close is not a part of you dating him. No, your relationship is far from that, and his persona is hidden under the mask and a hooded cape, as he carries you bridal style. He is well aware of you staring up at him, but he can’t make himself lower his gaze and meet with yours. He is just bringing you to a safe place after you twisted your ankle on a late evening run to catch a cat for your neighbor - a sweet old woman, whose pet seems to love escaping on an almost daily basis.

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pairing: millions knives x gn!reader tags/warnings: knives is his own warning, knives tries to strangle reader, post '98 anime, trimax elements, reader sustains minor injuries, bullying by townspeople, slight possessive behavior, canon-typical violence, reader is called a "bitch" once, arson, jealousy, touch-starved knives, reader called "doc" as a nickname, hopeful ending, slice of life-ish genre: angst, slight comfort wc: 17,765 note: knives domestication arc real. there's a lot i could say about this fic (especially the word count…) but… i hope you all enjoy! please heed the warnings! 😭

The stairs creak with each step you take to the only occupied room on the second level.

In the quiet of an empty house, the light rattling of plates produces an ugly, jarring sound. But the minor inconvenience of improperly balanced dishes is nothing compared to the riots that’d taken place for nearly a full week prior.

It had taken a cumulative three hours of reassurance from Vash—making promises to keep the situation under control—desperate for the villagers to extend the barest amount of tolerance for bringing the Devil’s son to their settlement. Under it all, he faced cruel words and hysterical accusations—half the population furious at him for even considering letting such a demon to recuperate amidst their peaceful neighbors. Angry words came from every direction; at the previous homeowners, the doctor willing to stabilize this house’s only patient, the man who’d brought him here, and you—the single volunteer who’d offered themselves up as an extra pair of eyes to watch over the slowly recovering man.

Except, Millions Knives isn’t a man. The villagers had called him many things, and there was only so much they could comprehend—or be willing to understand—after the frightful demonstration of his gift he’d frightened the villagers with.

(“That Devil’s Abomination will ruin us!” they shrieked, clutching lit torches and pitchforks. “How could you think of bringing him here to our village!?”)

You can’t say that volunteering to look after Knives was due purely to satisfy a desire to help him, but you trust Vash: the look of relief he’d given you amidst the venomous cajoling of the crowd had been enough to win you over. And if you lived to tell the story in five or ten years, it would mean that the risk he’d taken of bringing his brother here hadn’t been for nothing, after all.

Millions Knives leaves no inch of his hatred to the imagination: just his glare is enough to raise the tiny hairs on the nape of your neck—his bloodlust potent enough to feel.

Maybe he thinks that enough insults will drive you away—will break your resolve. Maybe he’s hoping you’ll lash out and give him an excuse to kill you. But with the strict order from his brother—who’d been all too willing to accept your help, flourishing a wide, hopeful smile at your tentatively raised hand—to keep violence off the table no matter what, he was about as threatening as an aggravated child.

That didn’t stop Knives from reciting the most chilling threats at you, bearing sharp teeth all the while: lips pulling back until the pink of his gums could be seen.

But it hardly matters; you’ve been called worse by lesser men, and his vitriol barely leaves a dent when he’s fighting the lucidity of a fever—one stern, slightly disappointed look from his brother enough to send him crawling into the far corners of his bed, sulking like a feral cat.

According to Vash’s explanation of his brother’s special ability, it’s sharp enough to slice cleanly through steel—precise enough to sever nerves in a human body without damaging them.

(“I don’t want to scare you,” he’d said, voice grave, “but I don’t want you to be in the dark about it, either.”)

You’d been at the back of the crowd when Knives had lashed out, swallowed by the piercing shrieking screams of men, women, and children who’d been unlucky enough to witness it.

Knives himself hasn’t deigned to show you how deadly it is just yet, but you don’t doubt he’d hardly need much convincing to demonstrate.

“Human scum,” he sneers when you open the door, balancing the tray of food on one hand. “I’ll kill you.” His fever had broken yesterday, leaving him well enough to stay awake for a few hours at a time with little issue.

“The soup is good today—it would make Vash happy if you tried it,” you say, unblinking. “The bread might be a little stale, but if you dip it—”

“I don’t need to eat to live. Only your pathetic species needs to debase yourselves like that. You should know that much from my brother.”

“—I’m sure it’ll taste good,” you finish. “Vash has told me the necessary information. He’s hoping you’ll try some of the food while you recover.” You move the soup and plate of bread onto the table beside him, next to an untouched glass of water.

There’s a chair beside his bed. One you wouldn’t dare sit in: Knives had made it clear that seat would be reserved for Vash and Vash only.

“You probably think you’re special since Vash accepted your help—forget it.” Knives sneers, fists clenched so tightly in the sheets you’re certain they’ll tear. “Once I’ve recovered my strength, I’ll wipe out this whole village. Starting with you.” His threats are softened only by the fevered crease of his brow, the way his cheeks are blotchy with the lingering effects of his cold.

“That’ll make Vash pretty upset,” you remark, and watch his jaw move, teeth grinding his face into an exceptionally poisonous expression. The furrow in his brow reaching the bridge of his nose in its intensity. His lip curls up—in disgust or mockery, you’ve no idea. It matters not as you go to open the windows, hoping some birdsong or a breeze will placate him.

It had been unclear when Knives would regain his mobility—Vash had briefed you and the doctor about his brother. Namely that, though his body shared many similarities with human biology, his ability to regenerate put him well outside the expected recovery time of normal people. When he’d first arrived, he’d hardly been able to move his arms and legs. You thought it would be that way for at least a few weeks. But clearly you’d been underestimating his generative abilities.

You make the mistake of turning your back to him—an act Knives deemed punishable by death upon your first meeting—and look over your shoulder just in time to see him snatch the bowl of soup up from the nightstand. Eyes going wide, you’re frozen—meeting his wild, triumphant snarl as he flings it at you, its contents spilling all over the sheets and floor.

It all happens so fast—before you can even blink: the house creaks, a trigger is pulled. The bowl skews off course—colliding with the rubber head of a plunger dart and crashing into the wall.

The dish shattering doesn’t startle you as much as Vash’s appearance in the doorway. The toy gun in his hand is pathetically small and harmless. He twirls it, pretends to blow steam from the barrel; tosses a wink at you.

“If there’d been a gunshot, people would’ve panicked,” he explains to your wide-eyed expression. “Sorry about that, Doc. Can you give us a minute? Those insurance girls are here to say hi.”

“But,” you say, swaying—hands hovering towards the mess on the floor. The soup is still steaming.

“I’ll take care of it. Run along now, don’t keep them waiting,” he chirps, smile not quite reaching his eyes despite the sincerity of it. He looks tired.

You step over the soup and shattered bowl on your way out. Vash waves, shuts the door behind him with a gentle click. It’s tempting to linger and eavesdrop, but you know he’ll realize if you stay behind. You rub trembling hands on your legs with a sigh and head downstairs.

“Hiya Doc!” Milly greets you with a cheerful tilt of her head. She and Meryl are sharing a cup of tea at the kitchen table. “You’re alive!”

“Yes, somehow.” You give a wry smile in return. Take a moment to calm the rapid beat of your heart.

“We heard something break,” Meryl says, brows furrowed. “Was it Knives?”

You shrug. “He’s about as happy to be here as you’d expect. I don’t think stale bread alone is enough to convince him not to destroy the village when he recovers.”

“He said that?” Meryl pauses, face mapped with worry. You wave her off, pulling a hat onto your head.

“He did, but I doubt Vash would let him.”

“That’s right, Ma’am!” Milly beams, teacup raised to her lips.

“I’m going to buy a replacement bowl before going to work,” you say.

“I’ll go with you.” Meryl smiles, stands. “It’s safer that way, right?”

(“He shouldn’t try anything like that again,” Vash will explain to you when you return, bowl secured. “He’s promised to behave for the time being. If he tries anything, let me know, okay?”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” you’ll tell him, unwrapping the bowl from its paper confines to place into the cupboard.

“Sorry about this,” he’ll apologize, eyes downcast. “I know he’s not the friendliest.”

“There’s no need to look so gloomy,” you will say, bumping his side with your elbow. “As long as he doesn’t try to cut my head off it’s not an issue. I’ve handled worse.”

“He won’t… He shouldn’t,” Vash will say. “I just… it’s harder than I thought.”)

With tensions running high in the village, Vash had suggested that Meryl and Milly keep you company when running errands whenever he wasn’t available. They couldn’t placate the hateful words or glares of the villagers, but Milly’s huge stature and enormous stun-gun had been a deterrent for many of the unarmed citizens from trying to attack you.

Hostility, however, is one of those emotions that finds a way to sneak through the cracks, no matter how carefully monitored.

(It rises around you, like the thin spout of water in a slowly filling pond.)

At your job there is little protection: anyone with a gun can walk in. Though the owners make everyone forfeit their weapons before serving, you know there’s no such thing as an unbroken rule.

All things considered, you should be lucky not to have been fired immediately following the protests: plenty of people that come to the eatery for drinks and food glare at you. They’ll spit on the floor at your feet and whisper things under their breath. But you still get paid, your bosses give you sympathetic looks in private, after closing when no one else watches.

(It fills up, and spills over while you’re paying for groceries at the variety store.)

Even though you’d chosen the check-out line with the least amount of people, even though you have Meryl with you for safety, it does nothing against the sudden, rough pressure shoving against your back, forcing you to stumble. The cashier releases the change a second too late—or perhaps intentionally—leaving it to scatter on the floor at your feet.

“Hey!” Meryl exclaims, enraged. “How could you do such a thing?!”

You kneel to pick up the change. The heavy heel of a work boot steps on your fingers, crushing them against the floor. Air hitches in your lungs in a pained gasp, eyes squeezing shut.

Meryl lets out another angry shout, but the person is already hurrying away, heavy footsteps fading quickly as you cradle the injured hand against your chest.

“Are you alright?” she asks, hovering beside you, kneeling down to assess the damage.

“Move along, will ya? Yer holdin’ up everyone else!” a rough voice barks. The line that formed behind you hadn’t been there just a few minutes prior.

“‘Move along’?!” Meryl parrots, furious. You grab her arm, shaking your head.

“The bags,” you wheeze, grimacing. “C’mon, let’s go.”

“But they—!” Meryl protests.

“There’s no point. They’re gone,” you say, standing to move out of the way. “Let’s go.”

“It’s cowardly!” she argues, carrying the bags in her arms. “They shouldn’t be treating you like this simply for showing kindness.”

“It’s understandable,” you say, trying to flex your fingers and wincing at the throbbing pain. Your dominant hand too. What a pain. “It doesn’t matter to me. Vash has already sacrificed so much. I don’t want to let him down.”

Though the doctor checks your hand after you return, though you ice it to bring down the swelling and ease the pain, your fingers will be bruised and tender for some time. Nothing broken, luckily, but you’ll have a hard time carrying heavy things for a couple weeks at least.

But still you bring Knives’ meal up, trying to hold most of the weight with your uninjured hand.

Your appearance in his room is met with a frigid silence.

According to Vash, his brother agreed to cooperate to an extent: no more attempts to hurt anyone going in and out of his room. Not that the promise means much when out of the whole village, less than five people even go inside that house: you, the doctor, Meryl, Milly, and of course Vash himself.

“These are Vash’s favorite,” you tell Knives, setting down a plate of salmon sandwiches. Your fingers ache with a twinging, bruising pain. “And some soup.” At least when you move to open the windows, nothing is thrown at your head.

Knives is tight-lipped, but his glare is as chilling as ever. You ignore the prickle of it along your neck and busy yourself tidying up the room. The sheets and floor have been cleaned.

“You may hate me,” you say, facing away from the bed, “but I’m going to help you regardless. That won’t change.”

His expression is so furious when you look up, your breath stalls.

“You’re just a pathetic human,” he spits, face twisted with the force of his ire. “I don’t need your help. I’ll kill you, I swear it. I’ll wipe your pathetic existence from this planet.”

Silence befalls the room. Muffled outside, you can hear the sounds of people. The occasional bird call. Muffled laughter drifts from downstairs—Milly and Vash conversing in jovial tones.

You take a slow breath. “The soup will taste better if you try it while it’s hot.”

The bowl crashes against the wall when you leave the room. You consider it a win and head downstairs.

The next morning, there’s someone already in the kitchen.

You’re not a stranger to Vash’s early morning routine, but he’s already dressed, loitering without even waiting for the kettle to boil for coffee.

“Just in time for breakfast,” you tease with a smile, only for it to falter when he remains stony-faced, hovering in the doorway. “Vash? What’s wrong?” you ask, walking forward to meet him.

Your home is gone. Set aflame by villagers who wanted to teach you a lesson for putting your trust in Vash—who wanted to punish you for stepping forth. For your arrogance and baseless beliefs in a man who could kill the whole village in the blink of an eye. The neighboring rooms are vacant and untouched. Only your belongings are gone—consumed in that unforgiving inferno.

“I’m sorry,” Vash apologizes quietly, as you stare at the building from the adjacent street. He looks as stricken as you feel. “The insurance girls are trying to recover stuff now, but…”

The dream of making it out alive and keeping the quiet triumph alive disappears—swept away with the smoke as a breeze carries it up towards the cloudless sky. Tears sting your eyes under Vash’s solemn gaze. But you can’t cry yet. Not yet.

“We’re starting over,” you tell him, hoarse. “Me and Knives. There’s no…” your voice catches. “There’s no going back now.”

You can’t cry yet, but Vash sheds a tear for you anyway.

At work, no one can look you in the eyes. The eatery has gotten quieter lately: you’re sent to the back again to wash dishes, where the hot soapy water runs over your hands until the temperature no longer scalds you.

Sheltered in the back of the building, no one pays any mind to you. But in that house, showing weakness to Knives is not an option. You earn enough of his ire simply by existing.

When you climb the stairs later that afternoon, some hours before dinner, your eyes are dry despite the ache behind them. The lingering pain in your fingers has yet to fade.

Vash had offered to give you his room upstairs and take the couch, but you refused: there’s no way Knives wouldn’t raise a fuss over you suddenly sleeping where his brother was. It was better for you to remain downstairs so they could be closer together.

“I’ll be doing errands upstairs today,” you tell Knives, shucking the curtains open after collecting his meal—untouched, of course, except for the empty cup of tea. Vash often takes it upon himself to eat what his brother leaves behind, flourishing you with praises. “Not that I expect you would, but if you need anything, call for me.”

“What errands must be done in an empty shell of a house?” Knives’ lip curls. “Watching you scurry around here like a bug makes me sick.”

“…The situation suddenly changed,” you tell him, smiling apologetically. “If I’m here it’s a little easier on Vash. He’s only just settling down.” Knives snarls after you.

The day Knives moved in, the owners of the house had taken what they could in two suitcases and left the rest, moving out of this small settlement—driven by angry neighbors and the fear of retaliation from Knives himself. With your job and Vash’s help, you have the funds to take care of his brother.

Not a peep is heard as you tidy up the second floor rooms, making mental notes of what should be tossed and cleaned. In particular, there’s a study that overlooks the main street, giving you a clear view of the village.

The bookshelf in the room is full of untouched titles—left behind to collect dust. You’re not confident anyone would want them, and certainly not from you, but perhaps when things calm down they’ll find a new home.

Your deliberations are interrupted by a loud, heavy series of thumps from across the hall. Dropping the books you’ve gathered, you almost trip over your own feet to get to Knives’ room.

“Are you okay?” you ask, throwing the door open.

He’s in a heap on the floor, the blankets tangled around his legs. The food has fallen off the nightstand, though you suspect he likely swept the tray off as an act of rebellion.

“The doctor is coming to assess you tomorrow,” you tell him, stepping through the doorway, “please be patient until then—”

“Get out!” he roars, and you barely dodge in time to avoid the plate flying towards your face. It hits the wall behind you and shatters on impact, leaving a stain and a trail of food on the floor. “Get out! Get out! Leave! Don’t come near me! Don’t speak to me! Die, just die!”

His glare has not lost its potency. He’s breathing like a feral animal, chest heaving, the tendons in his throat and shoulders flexing, body trembling under the strain of trying to push himself up off the floor. A long, tense moment passes with your eyes locked.

“I can’t do that,” you say finally, quietly. “It would make Vash sad.”

His nostrils flare, teeth grinding. He grabs the nearby cup, the remaining drops of water spilling out to hurl it out into the hall. It shatters high above your head, glass bits raining down behind you.

“Don’t speak about him,” Knives heaves, voice trembling in his anger. “Disgusting human, pathetic—how dare you. How dare—”

Adrenaline pulses through your body. Instinct tells you to run. But instead, you crouch, begin to pick up the shattered pieces of plate, dropping them carefully into your palm. Your bruised, aching fingers throb in protest, but still you do it. Knives crawls back against the wall, looking not unlike a cornered animal. Fists clenched against the floorboards, glaring at you.

It’s agonizing and slow, and he watches you the whole time.

You call the doctor over to help Knives back into bed. The blond practically flies away from the touch as soon as he touches the mattress, buries himself under the blankets and doesn’t say a word. You thank the doctor and continue cleaning the mess, turning the floorboards spotless.

Vash returns later that evening with Milly and Meryl. They greet you with a smile. He manages to steal a sandwich from the plate of leftovers.

“Knives has been anxious to see you, I think,” you tell him honestly. Vash goes upstairs to visit his brother while you sit on the back porch with Milly and Meryl. There’s not much to see, mostly dry bedrock with a view of the vast desert planet. It’s sort of nice, in a lonely way; that even with the hostility you face in the village square and its shops, this house’s immediate perimeter has become an unspoken, off-limits area for everyone else.

Knives doesn’t seem to mind the quiet. From what you recall of his past—at least from what Vash has told you—he’s used to wandering alone.

“Well? Aren’t you going to tell Vash?” Knives sneers at you when you bring him dinner.

“Did you want me to?” you ask. He gives no answer except the tilting snarl of his mouth. “There was no reason to,” you tell him honestly. “The two of you have been through enough.”

You hadn’t even told Vash about what happened at the store, either. But the knowing, softened frown on his face tells you there was no need: Meryl already filled him in.

“You don’t know anything,” Knives hisses. At least there’s nothing dangerous within reaching distance.

“I may not know everything,” you tell him, pausing in the doorway, “but I’m not ignorant. I know what you’ve done. Why the village was so reluctant to let you stay here. But they let you because they trust Vash. And I do too.”

“You humans with your useless sentimental feelings,” Knives sneers. “That’s why you die.”

“It’s why we live, too,” you remind him.

Without a home to return to, when your hours are cut from washing dishes or taking care of other menial tasks at the eatery, you take care of the house as if it was your own, paying extra attention to the rooms that haven’t had much use.

Amongst the rooms downstairs, there’s a piano. Hidden by a sturdy leather cover, you peel it back to admire the sight of it. Except for a chair against the wall, the room is empty except for this instrument and its accompanying bench.

There’s not much you can do to liven the room up except get rid of the dust, but you lift up the fallboard to reveal the black and ivory keys. You test out a chord. The sound is twangy and a bit hollow. Not great, but not as bad as you thought. Playable.

For all the skills you’ve picked up over the years, tuning instruments is not one of them. But you remember that the doctor had an acquaintance that used to play during holidays and festivals. Maybe you could convince him to help you fix it up.

Knuckles rapping against the window nearly scare you out of your shoes.

It’s Milly and Meryl, peering at you from the other side of the glass.

“Hiya Doc!” Milly grins as you open the shutters to greet them. “What’re you doin’?”

“Dusting,” you say, waving the feather brush. “This room hasn’t been used in a while. It’s a shame with that piano there.”

“I’m sorry,” Meryl says, frowning. “It must be lonely.”

“It’s not so bad,” you say, leaning against the windowsill. “Knives aside, Vash seems to like it here. I think he’s enjoying finally having a place to settle down.”

“I think he would be happier if you played something for him!” Milly suggests. “I’m sure the piano gets lonely too. No one’s used it since we came here.”

“That thing’s been out of tune for a while,” you tell her, massaging your fingers. “They stopped doing regular maintenance on it a while back.”

“But that’s so sad!” she protests, lips turning a pout. “Can’t you play a song for us, Doc? Just one!”

“I’ve never really—” you try, but Milly leans into the window, puts her face close to yours. She smells like tea and sun and soap. You wither. “…Okay.”

The bench creaks as you sit. You try another few keys. Milly claps at the window to encourage you.

“This thing’s pretty busted,” you say, testing a few more notes. The sounds fill the quiet space of the room nicely. While you play, you imagine a happier future—the piano tuned and fixed up, the room full of happy, dancing people, and a cool evening breeze drifting in through the windows. A place where laughter is shared.

You try for a song from your childhood—something bouncy and trilling, fingers clumsily passing over the keys, memories filtering back to you. Meryl and Milly smile with you during the awkward pauses, the wrong notes accidentally pressed. The bruises on your hand have not completely healed, and it makes playing difficult. But you do all the same, unaware of how much you missed music before your ears crave for more.

The song’s ending is unsatisfying with the croaky notes, but Milly and Meryl clap for you all the same. They seem excited by the idea that it could be fixed up. You send them on a mission to ask the doctor’s acquaintance: they’ll probably have better luck than you.

Surprisingly, when you go to Knives’ room that afternoon, he speaks up about it.

“That was an awful racket,” he so graciously tells you. “You clearly have no ounce of talent.”

It takes a great deal of effort not to smile.

“Of course it was terrible,” you tell him matter-of-factly, “I’ve never had any formal training.”

He glares after you, but says nothing more.

Just a handful of days after that, the doctor deems Knives well enough to walk.

He would not accept help from anyone but Vash. And of course he’d bared his teeth at the doctor for trying to show his brother how to support him while walking.

So instead, the doctor asked for your help: posing as Knives for a demonstration. Vash had been all too happy to let you use him as a support, getting an arm around your waist like the doctor instructed.

Knives stared the whole time, stiff with what you could only imagine was barely controlled rage.

On the first attempts to get him to walk, he clings to Vash like a leech. Removing all hopes of mobility and nearly sending both of them tumbling to the floor. From watching them—taking in how Knives sneers and bares his teeth at you—you get the sense he’s leaning more weight into his brother on purpose. The arch of your eyebrow threatens to twitch up.

There’s not much he has to do to get better, but after a few weeks of bed rest, he needs to get strength back in his limbs.

The doctor had raised his eyebrow at the timeline Vash gave—an estimated length of time that would’ve been impossible for a regular human to imitate. But despite the relatively short period, it’s impossible for Vash to stick around at every waking moment.

It had taken nearly five days of convincing for Knives to even allow you to come within five feet of him. But Vash managed to convince Knives to at least let you walk the length of the room with him. Of course, it still meant Vash had to be there for the next few days.

Knives touches you as if there are strings attached to his limbs. His movements are stiff and creaky, made all the more difficult with his refusal to wrap an arm around your shoulders (though you don’t doubt he’d do it if it meant he could try choking you out), and as a result much of his strength belied in the painful grip he held onto your shoulder with, pushing tender spots into the skin.

He walks faster with you—likely to shorten the duration of having to rely on you for support—but Vash seemed to take that as a way to help Knives get better faster, using you as a motivator to improve his condition.

“Let’s try the stairs today,” Vash says with a smile, too cheerful and wide for Knives’ fingers that are digging bruises into your waist. “Those insurance ladies and I will be waiting at the bottom. See you soon!” He hums all the way down to the first floor, audible even after he slips out of sight.

You take a breath. “Shall we?”

Knives fingers dig into your shoulder. He tries to angle away from your body, but with an arm around his waist, it’s difficult.

“I have no idea what he sees in you,” Knives starts. His voice is different this close. You can’t tell if this is a good or bad development. The sound of it is nice even if it does rumble with the barely contained urge to kill you. “But I swear I’ll reveal your disgusting nature if it’s the last thing I do.”

“Can I at least get you down the stairs first?” you sigh. “Vash is waiting.”

“You dare mock me?” he hisses, dangerously close to bruising bone.

“You want to get this over with as soon as possible, right?” you ask, attempting a smile. “C’mon. After this you and Vash can sit together and I’ll get out of your sight. That’s ideal for you, isn’t it?”

His jaw audibly clicks as he snaps it shut, turning his face stubbornly away from you.

It’s not terrible, considering. Your shoulder aches from where his fingers are pushing bruises, but seeing Vash at the bottom of the stairs helps to loosen the knot in your chest. Knives goes first. You follow him slowly, tightening your arm around his torso at any signs that he might fall.

You’re not sure if Vash’s enthusiastic praise and encouragement helps, but having his brother there does seem to make Knives a little less hostile, his hold loosening slowly to a firm but less uncomfortable pressure.

He snarls at Meryl and Milly when they poke their heads curiously around the corner. And the downstairs trip hadn’t relaxed him by any means, but he re-tightens his grip on your shoulders when they appear, tensing up with all the intention and strength of a man who could kill if he wanted to. You send them an apologetic smile before they scurry away.

“Going up stairs is the hard part!” Vash chirps, bounding up two at a time. Knives scowls. You wait patiently for him to begin the climb.

Vash is right: going up is much slower than going down. Against Knives’ wishes, you end up leading, using the strength you have to half-lift him when his body falters—either under the strain of moving or lingering pains that have yet to disappear.

His jaw is tensed the whole way, the tendons in his throat flexing, teeth grinding. His gaze doesn’t waver, though, focused at the top of the stairs. It’s the most human you’ve seen him—the struggle and desperation he’s exerting to get better.

“Good job you two. I knew you could do it,” Vash says, greets the both of you with a smile. He’s leaned up against the door of Knives’ room, steps aside to let you in. “A few more days of that and you’ll be good as new, Kni.”

“Don’t patronize me, Vash,” Knives snaps. You elect not to mention the tremors in his arms, the strain of holding himself up, refusing to rely on you more than necessary. “The moment I’m better it’ll be over for this village!”

He and his brother share a look. When you’re within arm’s length of the bed, Knives all but tears himself away from you, throwing himself back onto the mattress with a snarl.

“Well! I don’t know about you, but I’m starved.” Vash beams at you. “Shall I get started on lunch?”

“You’ll burn the food without cooking it if you try to do it all by yourself,” you tell him, exasperated, resisting the urge to roll your shoulder. “Get Meryl and Milly to help—I’ll be down in a minute.”

“Mm… okay. Behave, you two,” he says with a flourishing wave, and hums all the way out of sight once more.

“Who do you think you’re fooling?” Knives sneers, sat on the edge of his bed, fingers digging into his pants. “Don’t expect any gratitude from me. It’s all your fault, trash.”

“You seem determined to hate me,” you say, staring him down. Even though he’s the patient, just his glare is enough to make the fine hairs on your neck stand. “You don’t have to thank me, but I think you’re mistaken: it’s true you may be different from us, but deep down, you want some of the same things.”

“What?” He glares, voice lowering to a deadly rumble.

“We both want to live. We both want to find a place for ourselves in this world,” you tell him, the fine hairs on your neck prickling under his stare. You think of the look on Vash’s face when he broke the news of the fire. You think of the look on Knives’ face when he learned he would be staying here to recover. “You can hate humans all you want, but you’re not as different from them as you’d like to believe. Neither of us are perfect.”

His movements are clumsy, but it catches you off guard all the same as he lunges with a snarl, hands outstretched to wrap his fingers around your throat. The weight of his body and the force at which he throws himself at you sends you hurtling back, landing painfully on your spine. It forces the air from your lungs, and Knives squeezes. Your hands automatically find his wrists, trying to pry his hands away from your neck.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!” he bellows. Footsteps thunder up the stairs. “We’re nothing alike! I’m nothing like you! You filth! Garbage! Scum! We’re nothing alike! You’re all just a hoard of disgusting animals!”

“Kni!” Vash’s hollers from the doorway. “Knives, release them!”

“Get off of me, Vash!” Knives yells, jerks a hand off your throat to elbow his brother in the jaw. “I’ll kill them. I’ll kill them all right now!”

“Knives!”

Your knee comes up to slam against Knives’ abdomen. Vash grabs Knives by the collar to haul him back, snatching his fingers away from your throat.

Curling up to suck in wheezing, ragged breaths, you miss the immediate skirmish that follows after—the two brothers grappling on the floor, Vash winning the upper hand to wrestle his brother into submission.

“Mr. Vash! Doc!” Milly is at your side, a hand wrapping around your shoulders to support you.

“Kill…! I’ll kill you!” Knives is spluttering, red-faced, fingers reaching for you, clawing on the ground. “I’ll kill you!”

“Get them out of here!” Vash barks at Milly. “I’ve got him!”

“Vash!” Knives screeches, and aims a punch at his brother.

You scramble for the door, chest tight, adrenaline spiking through your blood as Knives’ scream reaches you even to the piano room.

(“I’m sorry,” Vash will tell you later, hunching with the weight of guilt and shame. “I shouldn’t’ve left.”

“It’s not your fault,” you’ll tell him, cradling a bag of ice against your throat and wondering when the bruises will fade this time. “I provoked him a little too hard, I think.” And he’ll look at you with a wilting, faltering smile, too many emotions to process flicking across his face.

“I’ll understand if you don’t want to continue looking after him,” he’ll say, a quiet offering to you. “We can figure something else out for you.”

And you’ll think about Knives, the furious agony in his face, and will shake your head.

“No,” you’ll say, voice creaky, a physical mark of Knives’ hands left behind. “I’ll stay. I made a promise, after all.”)

The following days leave Knives moody. But with Vash hanging around more and you busying yourself with taking care of the house, you don’t see him as much.

Except for one particular morning, you keep your contact with him at a minimum—strictly for mealtime while his brother and the doctor take care of other necessities.

Vash is sitting beside the door, watching you place Knives’ meal on the nightstand. There hadn’t been much talking even before you entered the room: you suspect Knives had been sulking at his younger brother for stepping in and preventing your murder.

Vash surprises you with the sound of your name.

Startled, you glance back at him. He beckons with a gesturing finger, a quiet smile on his face.

“Can you come here a moment?” he asks. You find no reason to refuse. His expression doesn’t change much, but you think his eyes flicker for half a second—just over your shoulder. “How’s the bruise here?” he asks, motions to his neck while staring at yours.

You resist the urge to glance back at Knives. “It’s fine,” you tell him, knowing his older brother is hearing every word. You hold your tongue against telling Vash what he was there to hear: that there would be no lasting damage, despite the slight hoarseness of your voice as the bruise fades.

“Can I have a look?” he asks. Perplexed, you tilt your chin up, allowing him to see your neck. You’re not expecting his touch, despite the wide motions to telegraph it, and the calloused pad of his thumb feels foreign against the column in your throat. Vash traces a thumb around it, looking oddly morose. And his touch is gentler and nonlethal compared to his brother’s, but your heart rate still jumps when his thumb passes over the dip of your throat, just at the base of it.

“Human,” Knives kisses mere feet behind you, beyond the limits of his patience. You swallow. Vash’s fingers move with the motion of it.

“It’s okay,” Vash reassures you, voice quiet. You’re not quite sure what he’s seeing: he can’t feel the lingering throb in your neck as his fingers pass over it, but whatever he does gather from this odd development must satisfy him, because his touch recedes. He leans back in the seat, smiling. “Thank you. I’m going to stay here a little while longer and chat with Knives,” he says, the dismissal not unkind, but firm despite its subtlety. “Those insurance ladies were talking about sharing some tea with you yesterday. The tall one was especially excited about restocking her pudding supply. I’m sure she’d be happy to have you tag along.”

Unable to rid your skin of the ticklish sensation, you raise a hand to rub the area lightly.

“I’ve never not seen Milly happy about pudding,” you say carefully. Vash’s smile widens. “I’m headed off to work. I’ll be back for lunch.”

“Mm. Take care.” Vash waves you off with a pleasant air. You do not make eye contact with Knives as you exit the room.

He’d been smug about nearly strangling you, and his smile—however leering and sharp, looks better on him than one of his angry, twisted scowls. You’re sure he would’ve been content to remember it as a victory over you. And maybe that’s why he doesn’t throw any more plates or bowls at the wall, why he agrees to be some watered-down version of civil when Vash is away.

“You really shouldn’t try walking on your own just yet.” You catch him mid-motion one afternoon: peeling back his blankets, looking half-caught. “Is there somewhere you wanna go? I’ll walk with you.”

Knives sneers, finishes tossing the blanket aside.

“I don’t need you,” he hisses. “I can get there on my own.”

It’s like watching a child walk for the first time. He sits on the edge of the bed, eyes down, bracing himself. He can push himself up fine, lips spreading into a victorious smirk. But then his knees buckle, and you lunge for him, hoping to catch him before he hits the ground.

“Don’t touch me!” he snaps, swiping at you. “Keep your filthy hands to yourself!” He curls away from you, this particular twist of his mouth looking different than you expect. Rather than looking angry, the tilt of his mouth carries the ghost of shame.

Slowly, you kneel in front of him. Vash is out—if Knives really were to try and kill you this time around, it’s likely he’d be successful.

“I’m sorry,” you tell him, “about kicking you. I did have a reason, though. You ever heard of that saying? That the mouse will attack a cat if it gets cornered.”

His lip curls, looking more like the Knives you’ve come to know.

“There’s no outcome for the mouse other than death. Because that’s what happens when you’re up against a power greater than yours. The mouse seeks death to escape the pain of living.”

You shake your head. “No, that’s not quite it. It attacks the cat because it wants to live. You want to live, and so you attack. I want to live, so I kicked you.”

Knives’ eyes narrow. “Clearly you don’t. Otherwise you would’ve left and never come back. You’re just feeling superior because there was a higher power on your side this time. But there won’t be next time.”

“So you admit your brother is a higher power than yourself?” you ask.

Knives hisses out a noise—a low snarl. Sat on the floor, though, he reminds you of the fussy stray cats, fluffing themselves up to appear deadlier than they are.

You stand. His eyes follow you. “I want to help you. That’s what I promised Vash. My feelings haven’t changed.” Your hands find your hips. “Now, about that piano—one of the doctor’s acquaintances has agreed to help fix it up, so it should be in better condition. If you wanna try playing it, I can bring you there. But you have to let me help you.”

“And why would I do that?” he asks, lip curling. “Maybe I’ll kill you now that Vash isn’t here.”

“Then I won’t be able to walk with you to the piano room,” you tell him. “Earlier you mentioned my playing, right? I figured maybe you’d wanna try it out for yourself. I bet it sounds better.”

Knives’ lips pull back to reveal his gums. “As if better sound will do anything for your lousy playing.”

“You should try it, then,” you say lightly, echoing Milly’s words. “I’m sure the piano is lonely.”

The look on Knives’ face tells you all you need to know about what he thinks of that sentiment. You try to keep your expression matter-of-fact, even as he tenses with clenched fists. Your throat tingles.

It feels like victory when he finally, finally acquiesces, easier to ignore the way he flinches when you help him stand, getting an arm around his waist. Out of politeness, you let him lead. He’s hobbling more than walking, but as long as he’s using the muscles you suppose it’s not a terrible thing.

The piano greets him with its sleek black cover. You can feel his chest expand with a quiet, long breath at the sight of it.

“Leave,” he commands when you help lower him onto the bench. It’s an act of mercy for you to comply without any remarks.

The house is quiet after wandering into the kitchen. Knives tests a few of the notes with a string of chords. The sound is better than you expected.

“Yo.” Vash greets you from the entrance. “Everything going well?”

“Vash,” you smile, “you’re back.”

“Those insurance girls are good at pestering people,” he sighs, drapes himself in a chair. You chuckle. “I’m always stuck with the hard jobs when they’re involved.”

“You seem to be having fun, though,” you say. “Are the… the villagers aren’t treating you poorly, are they?”

His smile is thin. “It’s alright. I don’t blame them for being upset. The insurance girls are good about keeping the damages under control.”

“Well, it is their job, I suppose. Old habits are hard to break. Besides, it probably makes it easier on them that you’ve finally settled down,” you say, smiling.

“You should keep them company too.” He pouts.

“I’ve got my hands full at the moment,” you say, gesturing to the direction of the piano room. There’s a song coming from it, now, a low, melodious hum that strikes a terribly nostalgic feeling in your chest. “Though maybe when Knives makes a full recovery we’ll finally be able to invite some people over.”

“I hope you have the funds for pudding,” he sighs.

“That depends on you, doesn’t it?” you tease through slight laughter. “Though I’m sure Milly would be just as partial to beer as she is pudding.”

“She’s terrible at holding her liquor,” Vash says, waves his hand in the air. “You’ve never seen her drunk, have you?”

“No, but I’ve seen you,” you say, moving towards the stove.

“I’ve never actually gotten drunk!” he protests, pout deepening. “Those other times don’t count.”

“You mean the times you vomited in public?” you tease.

“It doesn’t count!”

The moment it escapes, you realize it’s been a while since you’ve laughed. The sound of it surprises you, but it’s relieving to see Vash join in. It feels good—like stretching a muscle after a long period of stagnancy.

A loud, ugly sound from the piano room startles you out of it. Sharing a look with Vash, the two of you leave the kitchen to find Knives still at the piano, shoulders hunched, head lolled forward. His back is to the door. Vash angles himself in front of you.

“What’s the matter, Knives? Get bored already?” he asks with an air of nonchalance.

“I didn’t realize you were here,” Knives says. He looks over his shoulder to glare at you. “Were you enjoying yourself?”

Vash leans in his line of sight, hands up. You can hear the smile in his voice. “It sounded like you were having fun. I didn’t want to disturb you.”

“Take me back,” Knives says. You move into the room. He snarls. “Not you.”

“Now, now,” Vash says, puts a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “They just want to help, Knives.” He turns a smile to you. “I’ll take him back up, don’t worry about it.”

Though Vash seems content enough to help his brother, you cannot help but raise an eyebrow as Knives gives you a triumphant, leering grin on their way out the room.

From then on, whenever Knives picks up that his brother is in the house, he plays more passionately—gut wrenching songs filling the house. You think it must be a message from him—something Knives makes sure his brother hears before leaving.

And now that he’s more accustomed to walking, Knives makes it a point to fill the other rooms with his presence, too.

He watches you make dinner one night, seated in a chair by the door—having claimed he doesn’t want to sit at the table like a human—and sneers the whole time, watching you chop vegetables. Taking periodic sips of his drink, though never when your eyes are on him.

“Is that enough for the three of you pests?” he sneers.

“Hm? Well between the two of us”—you gesture between the two of you with a free hand—“and Vash, it’ll be enough.” His eyes narrow suspiciously at you. “…Oh, you mean Meryl and Milly? They’re limiting their time here.”

“Did they finally decide to leave my brother alone?” he snarks.

Your mouth quirks up. “No, but you didn’t like it when they visited, right? They understand. The porch is just as welcoming as the downstairs is.”

(Neither Milly or Meryl had been too put-off by your suggestion, waving off your apologies with an understanding smile.

“It’s the best course of action if it prevents Knives from becoming too violent.” Meryl had nodded sagely.

“Do we still get to eat pudding with you?” Milly’d asked. You laughed and told her yes, of course.)

Knives doesn’t say anything in response. When you glance back at him, there’s a split second before he scowls where his expression is less severe. Just for a moment, though, as if your eyes had reminded him of the hostility he was supposed to be spitting.

“Do all humans use these weapons as clumsily as you?” he asks snidely.

“This is a kitchen knife for cooking. I’m not using it as a weapon,” you tell him. “I’m using it for dinner.”

“You shouldn’t bother. I don’t need you poisoning my brother more than you already have. You’ll rot his brain.”

“I don’t wanna hear that from someone who won’t even eat the meals Vash helped make. He worked hard to help me, since I’m doing it all myself.” You sniff. Knives’ glare sharpens on your back. You’re lucky he’s not within arm’s reach, or you’re sure he’d test how well you could defend yourself with a utility knife. “Vash is coming back for dinner soon. You should try some of the food. I’m sure it would make him happy,” you say.

Knives merely scowls and looks away.

The more he begins to settle in, the more weight is lifted from your shoulders. The more he settles in, the more obvious it becomes that not everyone is as optimistic as you.

The assault comes before you have time to process what happens.

A gasp pulls from Meryl’s mouth—audible even across the street as a tomato pelts the center of your chest. It comes out of nowhere—soft and smelling slightly rotten from the sun, staining your clothes with the pulpy flesh. Another follows, splatting against your spine, the sound of it loud over Meryl’s protests. A rough set of hands shoves you off the walkway lining the grocery store’s front, sending you tumbling into the dirt. You can feel the bread get crushed between your shoulder and the ground.

“We’ll remember your face when that Devil’s Abomination kills our loved ones!” an angry voice hollers.

“You’re just like him! A curse on this village!”

“You should be ashamed to show your face around here!”

“Enough!” Meryl shouts, hovering protectively near you. “How can you all treat someone else like this?”

“Don’t bother, Meryl,” you say, pushing yourself up, using a hand to catch the groceries threatening to spill from the mouth of the bag. “Let’s go. Vash is waiting.”

“But—!” she tries. You turn to look at her, pleading.

“Let’s go. Please.”

No amount of scrubbing can get the stains completely out. With no other clean shirts, you’ve no choice but to wear it. The dirt will come out easily enough, but the tomato will linger as an odor and a visible mark. You’ll have to go to work in this shirt.

Knives clocks the stain for half a second before his eyes rise to meet your face, scowling from against the pillows.

“Are you so clumsy that even handling food is no longer a possibility?” he sneers.

You try for a smile. “You can tell?”

“Not only are you pathetic, you’re also a fool,” he snaps. “Even your measly skills couldn’t have regressed so much in such a short period.”

It’s not a question to ask what happened, but his eyes linger. You bite the inside of your cheek.

“Maybe I should ask someone for lessons?” you suggest.

“Human,” he growls, “don’t play games with me.”

“I’m not,” you tell him. “Vash will be here soon. I think it would make him happy if you ate lunch with him.”

Knives’ scowl deepens.

Even after switching shirts, you can feel the lingering imprints of the bruises, and Knives’ eyes flicker to the spot more than once, silent and observing.

Even with the extra eyes, you can’t completely swallow the trepidation in your throat, fingers tight around the scissors.

No matter how much time will pass, you get the feeling Knives won’t be very forgiving if you make him bleed—no matter how accidental the slip might be. If you’re not careful, you might clip the top of his ear.

When his hair had first shown signs of growth, he’d staunchly refused to let you come anywhere near him with hair clippers. It was only with continuous reassurance from Vash that he allowed his brother to carry him out the back door into a chair set out as a temporary haircut station.

Considering everything, his hair is surprisingly easy to work with. Soft, from what you can tell. He twitches with every quiet brush of your hand near him, likely disgusted from having your touch on him. But it’d been amusing to hear that he’d refused Vash’s generous offer to cut it.

Your nails accidentally scrape against his scalp—just a light touch, but it has Knives jerking his head away, turning to glare over his shoulder at you, body hunching. This close, he wouldn’t have to exert much effort to kill you. And it’s in the moments where you’re physically closest to him that you remember Vash’s warning about Knives’ ability.

“You can tell me what you want, you know. If you don’t say anything I won’t understand what you’re thinking.”

He’s completely tense in the chair, not even the muscles in his jaw relaxed as you continue to trim the pale blond strands.

“I doubt your small mind could understand anyways,” he snaps.

Your fingers pass over the curve of his ears. His lips pull back in a quiet snarl—more subdued than the one he would’ve given just a few weeks prior.

“Well, you never know until you try.”

“Pretty words from a hypocrite,” he scoffs. His ear is warm beneath your touch.

“It’s the human in me,” you say, trying hard to suppress a smile as his brow creases, visibly annoyed.

“When you’re done over there, can I get one?” Vash calls your attention over with a wide grin. He and Meryl are watching from the porch, their expressions carrying varying degrees of tension.

“Vash, I gave you one just the other day,” you say, raise an eyebrow at him as your fingers brush Knives’ nape. He twists, scowls. You move the scissors away from his head.

“When was this?” he demands. “I didn’t hear about this.”

“It was the beginning of the week,” you tell him. His eyes narrow, no doubt searching your face for any indication of a lie. “He asked for one.”

“Why wasn’t I informed?” he asks, sounding not unlike a child. Your hand runs lightly across his temple, separating the shorter hairs from the ones still needing a trim. His eyebrow twitches, lips pressing in an expression you daren’t call a pout.

“I didn’t think you’d care,” you say honestly. “Plus, you wouldn’t let me cut your hair until today. Else I would’ve given you both one on the same day.”

Knives scoffs, turns back around.

“Mr. Vash, I’m back!”

It’s Milly; waving with her whole arm, carrying a bright smile as she approaches. There’s a little package in her hands—it must be mail for him. You refocus your attention back to Knives. He hadn’t exactly told you what he wanted in terms of style, but you doubt he’d appreciate having anything that made him stand out—a simple trim would be enough.

“Doc!” Vash catches your attention with a loud, cheerful voice—his tone crooning the first notes of an off-key song. You brush stray hairs from Knives’ shoulders. “Can you come here a sec?”

“But…” you say, frowning. Vash smiles, beckons you with the wave of his hand.

“It’s alright—we have a delivery for you,” he says. “You can come here.”

You debate if you should leave the scissors with Knives. A half-thought you squash when you stick them in the apron’s pocket, giving his hair one last glance over. He’s not pleased—you can tell from the scowl in your peripheral. But he says nothing as you approach the porch.

“Here.” Vash’s voice is surprisingly quiet, his cheerfulness having mellowed into something soft—melancholy, if you had to pinpoint the lilt of his brow.

The packaging crinkles beneath your fingers. Vash prompts you to open it with a little nod. Milly and Meryl are smiling beside him.

It’s your pocket watch. The one you had tucked beneath your mattress—a parting gift from a figure of your past long ago. It’s yours, because of the etchings on the inside of the cover, though the watch itself looks new; shinier than you remember—even on the day you received it.

“It’s the only thing that survived the fire,” Meryl explains as you cup it in both hands, running a thumb around the circumference of it. “We brought it to the jewelers for them to fix up. Is it to your liking?”

The dusty air stings your nose. The fire hadn’t been that long ago, but you still mourned the loss of all your possessions: the ones that mattered, at least. Your pocket watch had survived, though, heralding the beginning of a new story for you.

“’s perfect,” you say, speaking around the thickness in your voice. “Thank you.”

They’re respectfully quiet as you inspect it: turning it over in your hands, running your fingers around the short, delicate chain. Snapping it shut and clicking it open, feeling the dulled, scratched out words on the inside of the lid. You raise a hand to your eyes, but they’re dry.

“It’s the least we could do,” Vash says. “You’re doing so much for us. And Knives.”

A smile touches your face. “Dummy, I don’t need anything in return for that.”

Vash’s eyes flicker up, glances behind you. He leans back in his seat with an easy expression. You pocket the watch and reach out a hand. He takes it—you squeeze his fingers gently, repeating the motion with Milly and Meryl.

“Thank you,” you say again, dry-eyed and soft. “I appreciate it.”

“Take good care of it, okay Doc?” Milly smiles.

“I will.”

Knives has a grumpy expression on his face when you return.

“We’re almost done,” you tell him, telegraphing the motion you make to pluck lightly at his hair.

“Finished mourning those burdensome sentiments?” he sneers.

The pocket watch is a comforting weight. You know he can hear the smile in your voice when you respond.

“Yeah. For now, at least.”

He doesn’t say another word, but he keeps that sullen expression on his face up until he makes Vash help him back inside as you tidy up the area. In the following days, however, you feel there is less resistance when you help him around the house.

Though you’d like to believe it’s because he’s finally come to tolerate you, the real reason is likely due to his recovery. The doctor had commented on the unusually smooth process.

“You’ll probably be able to walk on your own pretty soon,” you tell him, watching how he walks. Looking for any moments where he might falter. His posture isn’t as stiff, either. Though he’s not leaning into you more than he has to. “It’s impressive—most people would still need a few weeks to recover.”

“Of course,” Knives says, looking oddly smug. “You pathetic humans die so easily. It’s a wonder you’ve managed to survive this long.”

“We’re good at that,” you say, turning into the doorway to the piano room. “I know we’re nothing but greedy animals to you, but if anything, we’re resilient in different ways. The important ones, I think.”

His arm clamps around your shoulder, but his grasp loosens when he learns all it does it inadvertently pull you closer.

“Useless,” he gripes, but the severity of his leering is not as stinging as it had been when you first met. You mark it as another win.

Movement in your peripheral. The way the bench is facing, Knives can’t see behind him through the window. But you can—spotting a figure tiptoeing past, the silhouette belonging to someone other than Vash, Milly or Meryl.

A knot of anticipation twists in your arteries. Spine straightening, you glance down at Knives. He’s settling on the bench, stretching out his fingers.

“You’re fine here on your own for a little, right? Gotta bring the laundry in,” you say, lightly. He throws a scrutinizing glare at you, but you’re already moving towards the door, turning away before he can see the smile fall away from your face.

A hot dry breeze pushes into the house as you open the back door, beelining towards the figure.

You recognize the figure immediately: Marvin Goodrich—he’d been extremely vocal against allowing Knives to stay in the village ever since he arrived, carried over Vash’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes. If you recall, he and his brother Jonah had also been the ones to threaten the owners of the house into leaving. An encounter with either of them spells trouble.

“What are you doing?” you ask, voice strong and clear.

He fakes a surprised look, swinging a rusted shovel over his shoulder, doing very little to suppress the leering grins spreading wide across his face as you approach.

“Nothin’ much,” he drawls, the free hand on his hip, drawing your line of sight to the gun strapped there. “Just goin’ for a walk.”

“Where’s the other one?” you ask. Jonah might be an idiot, but he’d been one of the first to voice his protests at letting Knives stay—had cajoled the crowd into a heightened state of frenzy before Vash, Meryl and Milly were able to calm everyone down.

“Dunno,” Marvin shrugs.

The muscles in your jaw tighten. You gesture to the shovel. “What’s that for, then?”

“Just a little digging,” he says, looses a chuckling sneer. “Maybe I’ll hit a vein of water and become filthy rich.”

“That sounds nice,” you say, voice plain. “If you don’t mind I’d like to take the laundry in,” you tell him, gesturing with the basket in your hands. “Those sheets should be dry now.”

“Oh, are they?” Marvin hums, circling around one of the poles keeping the clothes line up. “It’s not very smart to leave them out like this. The wind could just”—he plucks the corner of one with a hand—“blow it away.”

“The winds have never gotten that strong around here,” you say, fingers tightening around the basket handles. “You’ve lived here as long as I have, Marvin. You should know that by now.” The smile falters on his face.

“Why don’t I help you, then?” he suggests airily, gesticulating with wide movements as he reaches up to release the clips attaching the sheet to the line. He mocks a bow. “More hands make light work. Plus, I know how tired you must be: looking after that Devil’s Abomination must be such hard work.”

“It’s actually quite simple,” you tell him. “I’m sure even you could do it.”

“Bitch,” he sneers, and rips the sheet from the line.

“Stop it,” you demand, and let out a startled gasp as arms wrap around your body, stopping your movements.

It’s Jonah. He snuck up behind you during the conversation with Marvin. He leers too close to your face. You try to cringe away.

Marvin takes it upon himself to strip the line completely of laundry, tossing each sheet to the ground and stepping on it on his way to the next one. Trampling the fabric into the dirt.

“Now, now, c’mon, just watch the master at work,” Jonah murmurs. You try to kick him in the shin. “Don’t be hasty,” he hisses, pulls out a short blade to hold to your throat. “We’re just trying to help you.”

“Funny, because to me it looks like you’re just throwing a tantrum,” you snap. He presses the sharp edge of the blade into your skin. Not quite cutting but close to it, the threat swelling at the base of your neck. Fuck, you shouldn’t have sent Milly and Meryl away.

“Well, that was fun.” Marvin sticks the head of the shovel into the ground. “But I think it’s missing something.” He starts to pile dirt onto the crumpled sheets.

“You—!” The knife digs into your throat. But Jonah pulls it back; he must not want to actually hurt you.

“Stop wriggling!” he barks, tightens the arm secured around your arms.

Marvin reaches for his gun. You freeze at the motion, thinking of Knives in that piano room. If they killed you, would they attack him next? You’re sure he’d be able to defend himself, but that’s not the issue—if even a single person outside of that house got hurt, not only would it increase the possibility of a revolt by ten fold, but Vash and Meryl and Milly would also face consequences.

But Marvin doesn’t point the gun at you. Instead, while he stomps the piled dirt into the sheets, he takes aim at the line strung between the two stakes.

“Don’t—” you try, but the gunshots drown your voice. The rope is shot clean through, dropping on top of the mess he and Jonah’d made with the sheets.

Satisfied, Jonah hooks a foot around your ankle to send you tumbling, taking the knife away from your neck in time as you collapse into a heap. You clamber up, racing towards Marvin. He takes a fistful of dirt and flings it at you. Your arms come up to protect your eyes.

“Doc! Duck!”

Without thinking, you drop, arms crossed over your head. The reverberating boom of Milly’s gun aches in your eardrums. Marvin and Jonah scatter with muffled curses, snatching up the shovel and escaping around the neighboring building.

“Doctor!” Meryl is the first to reach you, careful hands brushing dirt away from you.

“And stay away!” Milly shouts, mouth set in a firm line, chest puffed out. She rushes over when they’ve disappeared. “Are you alright?”

“I’m sorry we couldn’t get here sooner,” Meryl gasps. You lean into her touch, harsh breaths escaping your mouth.

“It’s okay,” you sigh, raising a hand to cup your eyes.

“It’s—” Meryl’s voice catches. “It’s not,” she whispers, furious. She and Milly stay at your side as you regulate your breathing.

“You really saved me there,” you say, raising your head to smile at them. “Thanks.”

“Your neck,” Milly says, frowning. The air stings it. You must’ve gotten nicked.

“Jonah has always been a clumsy oaf,” you say, standing. “I’m surprised they even thought to do this. It’s a miracle for them.” Your mouth twists bitterly.

“We’ll help you clean it up,” Meryl promises.

“I can’t ask you to—”

“Don’t worry about it, Doc!” Milly smiles at you, bright and kind. “It must be hard on your own. Besides, Mr. Vash wanted us to help keep an eye on the house anyways. This is part of that.”

She and Meryl won’t take no for an answer. Your shoulders sag.

“I guess I can’t refuse, then. Can I?” Milly’s smile widens. “Okay. I’ll get the bucket. It’ll be hard without the line to hang them up, though.”

Milly straightens her back, taps her fist against her chest. “Don’t worry about that! We’ll fix it up right away.”

“You should see to Knives,” Meryl says, picking up the nearest sheet and shaking out the dirt. “I don’t think he should be left alone for too long.”

You cast a glance towards the house. “No, I suppose not.”

You try to pat off as much of the dirt from your clothes as possible on the way in. It’ll be impossible to explain to Knives why you took so long. Why you’re covered in dirt. Not that you think he’d ask—or care, for that matter.

It’s quiet inside. Knives must’ve stopped playing a while ago. You expected him to wander off, no matter how difficult it would be for him to walk, but to your surprise he’s still seated at the bench. Hands in his lap, posture stiff.

“What’s wrong? Did you get bored?” you ask.

“You’re dirty.” He scowls. You offer a sheepish smile.

“The wind was stronger than I thought. It picks up a lot of dust.” His gaze sharpens.

“What happened.”

“Nothing much,” you lie, head tilting. “Something did come up, though. Lunch might be a little late today. Milly and Meryl—oh, you’ve probably forgotten. They’re the nice insurance ladies. They’re going to have lunch here so I’ll be making extra for them.” You move to close the fallboard.

Knives’ hand moves faster than your eyes can see. His fingers closing painfully around your wrist, but the pain is ambient as realization strikes you hot in the center of your chest: this is the first time he’s voluntarily touched you. Touched you, without the intention of hurting, if the fractional loosening of his grip is any indication.

Your eyes are wide as he yanks you forward, your other hand preventing you from falling face first into him by slamming onto some keys, creating an ugly sound that reverberates.

“I saw you,” he hisses. “I saw what they did.” His eyes flicker to your throat. “Why are you hiding it?”

“I’m not—” you protest. “It just—it’s not important.”

“It was about me, wasn’t it?” he snaps, voice rising. “You’re not showing me kindness by concealing it. I’m not weak.”

“It’s not that I think you are,” you argue, frowning. “I just—” Your lips purse. “I didn’t think you’d want to know.”

His lips pull back into a snarl. He releases your wrist.

“Useless,” he hisses, curling away from you. “Don’t touch me,” he snaps when you reach for him. “Leave me.”

On another day, you’d argue. But Meryl and Milly are waiting for you.

“We’re having pasta for lunch,” you tell him, and leave to fetch the bucket for washing.

He doesn’t speak another word for the rest of the day, content with expressing his dissatisfaction with varying degrees of snarled faces. It’s the worst mood he’s been in for a while—and you can’t for the life of you understand why. Maybe he misses the thrill of killing indiscriminately. Maybe he’s frustrated that he still hasn’t fully recovered, despite being quicker than a regular human.

He’s still sulking even when you return, electing to stay in the piano room while you make lunch.

After that, he takes to watching you. Not that he had any qualms about openly staring—choosing to follow your every move like a hawk, spitting all the vitriol he could at you into just his expressions alone. But it’s different now. No less deliberate but quieter.

You don’t talk about the incident with the laundry again, but it hardly matters when you can feel his gaze on you—tracing the front of your throat where Jonah’s blade had been: the tiny wound scabs the next day and is gone before the week is over, not even a scar left behind.

There are too many things to do—Milly and Meryl help you reinforce the clothesline. Their visits become more frequent, but they respect your wishes and don’t come inside, keeping to the porches and perimeter.

Now more than ever you want to create a home. Not just for yourself, but for Vash, who’s always smiling kindly at you no matter how much trouble you bring; even for Knives, who, despite his vehement denials and quiet leering at your insistence to keep everything tidy, belongs in a place he can think fondly of no matter where he goes—a place he deserves to call home.

When you next go to work, one of the owners stops you before you can make it to the back to get ready.

“I’m sorry,” Donna says, looking at least a little apologetic. “You should’ve seen this coming, though. We’re getting less and less customers. I think it’s because—well, it’s best if you stop coming here for work.”

There’s nothing you can say to change their minds. Not even offering to work without pay will get them to agree, and you walk back to the house, numb. When you get past the entrance, you sink to the floor in a crouch and stay there for the entire length of what should’ve been your shift.

It’s hard to try and keep things cheerful, but you do your best—testing out your luck with the piano when Knives isn’t playing it; getting Vash to help you with the mundane but necessary tasks like prepping for meals and deep cleaning the house.

One day, Vash surprises you by popping out of nowhere.

You’re fiddling with the piano keys when his head appears outside the window, much like Milly and Meryl had. You watch him with a raised eyebrow as he climbs in, pulling every inch of his lanky arms and legs through the opening.

“I don’t think Meryl will appreciate it if you make it a habit of coming in through the window,” you tell him, hands in your lap. “What about work?”

“They let me go early,” he says, nods to the piano. “Are you playing something?”

“Not really,” you say. “I don’t have formal training or anything—‘m just messing around with the keys.”

“May I join you?” he asks. You scoot over, smiling.

“You don’t have to ask, Vash. Though I didn’t know you knew how to play.”

“I learned a little on my own,” he says. The leather cover dips with his weight as he takes the spot beside you. “I only know one song, though.”

“Should I fetch Knives? I feel like he wouldn’t want to miss his brother’s grand performance,” you joke. Vash merely gives you a closed-lipped smile. He places his fingers on the keys.

The melody he plays is unfamiliar in its simplicity, but he strikes each key with such tender confidence you cannot help but wonder if he’s still even in the room with you. He and his brother share multiple talents, it seems.

Much of the song has the same repeated notes. You stay quiet on the bench, swaying with the music and looking between the keyboard and his face—taking note of the distant expression, the somber tilt of his mouth as he plays.

The music fades too quickly when he stops. You think, for a moment, the way the light catches his eyes makes them look glassy. Out of politeness, you look away.

It’s a quiet moment you don’t often get to spend with him.

“Thank you for playing—it was lovely,” you say.

He takes a breath. Sighs it out. “Yeah, it’s a good song. It’s—it’s my favorite.”

“Do you know any others?” you ask, gesturing to the keyboard. Vash chuckles.

“No, that was the only one I ever wanted to learn.”

“Does it have lyrics?”

“It does. Though I’ve… forgotten them,” he says. “Kni might remember, though.”

“Oh—” You jolt out of the seat. “Meryl and Milly are coming over for lunch—I nearly forgot. I’ll have to make extra. Want to help?”

He smiles—a fond, tired thing. “Sure.”

“I’ll let Knives know—maybe he’ll want to sit with us,” you say.

The stairs creak as you climb; propelled up by the subtle lightness in your chest. The door is closed. You knock.

He’s sitting at the edge of his bed, body bowed forward, elbows resting on his thighs. His head is down. In a t-shirt and loose pants, the sight is almost domestic.

“Oh, good, you’re up,” you say. “We’re getting started on lunch. Milly and Meryl will be dropping by, but I can bring you downstairs to sit with me and Vash if you want—”

“Quiet.” His voice comes out rough and scratchy. “Scum—where did you learn that song? What were you doing?”

“Song? Oh, you mean the one just now? That wasn’t me, it was—”

Knives reaches for you, closing the distance quickly to encircle your wrist in a tight grip.

“Don’t play it,” he hisses. “I don’t care who taught you—don’t.”

“Knives—” you protest, trying to pull your arm away. He yanks you forward, causes you to stumble into him, saved only by getting a hand up in time to brace yourself against his shoulder. “I’m not the one who played it,” you tell him.

“I don’t care—” His expression twists. “Scum… don’t.” The fingers around your wrist are warm. You have half a mind to reach out to find his pulse, to find it along the length of his neck and feel it jump beneath your thumb.

His breathing is loud. Forceful and uneven. You let him sit and listen to his breaths, waiting patiently for them to mellow.

“What’s wrong?” you ask plainly. He refuses to answer. “…Do you want to sit with us?” you ask. “I’m sure Vash would like to have lunch with his brother.”

Knives shoves you away, leaves you with the bare throbbing memory of his fingers around your wrist, squeezing.

“Leave,” he snarls, and crawls back onto the bed. “Trash.”

“I’ll bring you tea,” you say. Curled up with his back to you, Knives makes no effort to respond.

Vash doesn’t mention his brother’s absence, and you don’t bring it up when Meryl and Milly arrive, all smiles and grateful hands when you pass off their portion of lunch to them. The four of you eat on the back porch, and even though you know they can see how often your gaze drifts up to where Knives room is, the windows firmly shut, you can’t stop the worry creasing between your eyebrows.

Knives’ moodiness is nothing new. He keeps it to himself, though—unwilling to share with you or even Vash, who takes to visiting Knives after dinner. You think of the song Vash played on that piano. The significance behind it is lost to you—maybe a song from their childhood?

The chores keep piling, though, and the opportunity to ask Vash about it slips away. You take it upon yourself to repair little things—squeaking hinges in the kitchen and bathroom, loose screws of well-loved cabinet doors. You tidy up what you can and have Milly and Meryl help to put unused books and accessories away for later sorting. You fix up the creaky porch chairs that they love to sit in during visits. Milly helps you give the wood a fresh coat of paint.

And for the most part, Knives has nothing to say of it—though he does watch while you fix the stickiness that prevents the windows in his room from opening smoothly. Though you think that’s probably because he hates the change that happens without his knowledge.

“It’s empty in here.”

He sits stiffly on the couch—one leg crossed over the other, arms folded against his chest.

“I’ve been cleaning,” you say. There’s a growing pile of trinkets near your feet. The bookshelf nearly cleared off completely. Maybe Vash will help you redecorate it.

“…And this?” He nods to the folded up sheets hanging over the couch arm.

“Oh, I sleep on the couch—that’s my blanket and stuff.” He makes a face. “I put a sheet over it—it’s not dirty or anything,” you say, reflexively defensive when his mouth grimaces.

“I simply assumed Vash would’ve let you sleep on the floor or outside like a proper animal,” he says.

“Well, he did offer to give me the room he’s in now,” you say, “but I declined. Didn’t think it would be a good idea.”

“Most humans are content kicking someone else out for their own benefit,” Knives recites smartly.

“I just didn’t think you’d wanna be apart from him,” you admit. “And it seems that I was right.” His scowl deepens at the sight of your smile.

“Don’t push your luck, human.”

You leave him to his own devices not long after. He seems content enough to sip the mug of tea you brewed earlier, casting a critical eye about the room yet offering no insight to brainstorm about the next set of decoration.

“I was thinking about painting the study upstairs soon.” You speak into thin air. “Milly said she’d be able to help. You’ll probably want to sit outside while it happens, though. It doesn’t smell very nice.”

“Must be nice to be so carefree,” he says as you wash dishes, dragging a soapy sponge over plates. “Taking care of someone that could easily free the planet of the resource-sucking scum that lives here.”

You don’t spare him a glance—it’s obvious he’s frowning at you.

“I have no choice,” you tell him, solemn; the quiet leaving no room for a cheerful facade. “There’s nothing else for me here.” There hadn’t been—not after raising your hand to offer help, voluntarily separating yourself from the people you’ve grown up with, their faces carrying deeply etched disgust and betrayal at your willingness to help Vash. There would be no easing the hatred that developed in your hearts for you—cultivating into a visceral enough emotion to wish bodily harm upon you, no fixing the emptiness that’d made a home in your bone marrow ever since Knives’ arrival.

With no home or job, you must find other activities to keep yourself busy. And if that means helping take care of Vash’s murderous, abominable older brother, you’ll do it as many times as it takes.

“It’s not like… like I can suddenly go back after this.”

And even though you regretted it, you’d do the same thing over if it meant Vash had a place for him and his brother. Watching Knives get better day-by-day is the only way you can justify taking care of a man that has no qualms with murdering everyone in the vicinity.

“I can’t. I still… still have a lot of fixing up here to do.”

The soap is fragrant, but even with its scent clinging to your hands, you remember the char of burning wood—the devastation left behind by the fire that consumed your home. The space you called your own, the people you called neighbors—they were all gone now. Out of reach, never to be touched again.

The loneliness inside you peaks, and spills over outside of your control.

Tears sting your eyes faster than you can stop them. They fall silently, invisible to all but the dishes still in the sink. You take in a quiet, shuddering breath through your mouth. Face and ears hot with him staring at your back, despite trying to cry as quietly as possible. You can’t show weakness. You won’t.

The floor behind you creaks. Instinctively, you glance over your shoulder, jumping when you see Knives approaching, leaning a heavy hand on the table.

“You—you can’t walk,” you hiccup stupidly, and watch his chin tilt, eyes narrowing. Your hands are hot and soapy and your face is wet.

He lumbers forward, reaches out to support himself with a hand on the counter—caging you in. It’s not that you haven’t noticed before, but at this very moment you remember he is Vash’s twin beyond skill or reputation: looming impossibly tall over you, casting a shadow.

Your shoulders hunch, wanting to turn away. He reaches out with his other hand, grabs your chin to tilt your face up. You blink tears from your eyes. His irises follow their movement down your cheeks to your chin, then back up to meet your gaze, watery and confused.

“This is why I hate filth,” he murmurs. Your mouth opens to protest, but the words die in the back of your throat with a withering gasp as Knives dips his face to meet yours, his tongue darting out to run up the left side of your face, licking away the streaks of tears there.

Even with his hand gripping your face, your jaw goes slack, gaping up at him with wide eyes—speechless. His head tilts.

Mercifully, he does not repeat the motion on your right cheek, but you watch his jaw move as he runs his tongue over his teeth. He uses his thumb to smear the tears away from the right side of your face.

“Kni—Knives?” you breathe, only just remembering that the sink is still running. Without breaking eye contact, he reaches over to shut it off. The silence slams into you like a physical entity—you shudder audibly in the quiet. Knives presses closer. At this distance, he doesn’t need to rely on his limited mobility to kill you.

A series of knocks on the door shatters the moment. You jump, chin pulling from Knives’ fingers, dampening your shirt by clutching wet hands against your chest.

“Doc! You in there? We’re here for our nightly visit!” Milly’s voice filters through the door. “Also, I’m kind of hungry!”

Knives nearly visibly hisses, you can see the scrunch of it in his face, the way he pulls away from you to hobble into the other room. You want to protest, but your feet are frozen in place. Your face is still wet. Dumbfounded, you raise a hand to touch where Knives tongue had been.

“Doctor? Is everything okay in there?” Meryl calls out.

“C-coming!” You dry your hands on the towel and drag your sleeve across your face. “Sorry about that,” you tell them when the door opens. “I was just cleaning up.”

“It’s no problem, but are you alright?” Meryl asks, obviously taking in your teary-eyed appearance.

“Y-yes, I just—it’s been a long few days,” you say, smiling.

“Where’s Mr. Knives?” Milly asks, turning to gaze into the kitchen.

“He’s, uh,” you stammer. “I’m not sure. He wandered off on his own.”

Meryl blinks, surprised. “He’s well enough to walk by himself already?”

“Well, not quite,” you say, glancing behind you. “He’s downstairs, but I… I think it’ll be alright if you have a cup of tea inside.”

“Are you sure?” Meryl asks, frowning.

“Well, if he has anything to say about it, he’ll have to go through Vash,” you say.

“Yay!” Milly cheers.

The house is livelier with them here. Vash will be returning late.

“Knives hasn’t been cruel to you recently, has he?” Meryl asks, hands cupped around her mug.

“No, he’s been fine,” you tell her, offering a small smile. “I think… well, not that he’s been enjoying it, per se, but I don’t think it’s as agonizing for him as it used to be.” She looks unconvinced, but Milly’s grin widens.

“The two of you have gotten pretty close, huh?”

“I wouldn’t say that,” you fumble with the words, eyes dropping to the table. They can’t see the spot where Knives licked, but you can’t help ghosting your fingers over it at the kitchen table with them while they talk about other topics, smoothing a distracted thumb over the spot, face hot.

Knives continues his observation of you after that. With each day he regains more strength, and it seems he’s taken to not letting you out of his sight—entering each room after you, taking long periods to stare at you despite flashing that disinterested, disgruntled expression when you turn to look at him.

It might’ve been endearing had it been anyone else—had it not meant he was usually watching from some obscure corner, or through a window as you chatted with Milly and Meryl while elbow deep in laundry.

Though his tolerance of you has widened some, it hardly extends beyond simply making the conscious choice to overlap his presence with yours at any given moment.

He starts—to your delight—sitting in the kitchen when you and Vash eat dinner. There’s never a plate of food in front of him—only a mug with some beverage—but you enjoy seeing him there all the same. His stare becomes less overbearing, but his apparent interest manifests in other ways.

This is especially true when Vash is within the vicinity. The one time he had volunteered to help untie a knot in your apron, Knives had intercepted, reaching across the table and simply severing the strings off. The breeze of it barely touching your neck as it falls to a useless heap on the floor. He’d said nothing after the fact, merely leaning back in his seat and taking a sip of his drink, looking quietly smug and oddly satisfied while you and Vash gaped.

The music he makes has changed, too. On his next visit to the piano, he pins you with a look—brows furrowed and mouth pinched—and orders: “Stay” in an impressively flat tone, managing to leave no room for argument despite the way it made him look like he’d eaten something rotten.

The chords do not groan or protest as his fingers dance up and down the keyboard, body swaying with the music. For as ruthless as he’s made himself out to be, the scene unfolding before you is nothing short of breathtaking. It’s captivating, watching his chin dip, the tendons in his hands and wrist flexing as he plays, pulling sounds you didn’t know existed from the piano.

The experience threatens to choke you—emotion swelling in the back of your throat, not moving a single muscle through the whole performance.

You wonder what he sees in your face when he stops, his foot lifting from the pedals, shoulders drooping carefully as the last note feathers into thin air. You weigh the risk of him cutting off your hands for clapping.

“That was very nice,” you tell him sincerely, managing a smile. “I’ve never heard it sound like that before.”

Knives blinks slow, gaze unmoving from your face.

“Play something.” His command catches you just before your suggestion to sit outside.

You nearly bite your tongue. “On… on the piano?” you ask, stunned.

His eyebrow tics. “Are you testing my patience?”

“No, I just—it’s been a while and uh, well we both know I’m rusty and—”

Knives cocks his head at you. “Come,” he commands. With no choice but to obey, you try to swallow the flash of heat that sparks along your nape.

You sit as close to the end of the bench as you can. His gaze is heavy on the side of your face. Your lips part to take a breath. Though you’re not unfamiliar with this instrument, the keys look like nothing more than blank ivory and black buttons. But Knives is waiting, albeit with little patience, and you set out to find middle C, pressing the keys with a feathery touch.

It’s difficult to find the correct words: you settle for saying nothing at all, putting hesitant fingers on the keys and trying not to brush Knives with your elbow.

The song you play cannot hold a candle to the ones he’s coaxed from its chords, but it does well to chase away the anxiety of him watching you. And Knives says nothing the whole time you play, fitting perfectly into the polite picture of an audience.

Your arm stretches out as your fingers play up the scale, coming close to touching Knives’ chest. You try not to flinch away as your elbow bumps him: you’ve long overcome the novelty of touching him, but on the too short piano bench, it feels more invasive than even his attempt to strangle you had been.

When the song ends, you replace your hands in your lap trying to furtively adjust your position to put a few centimeters between you.

Knives takes the opportunity to lean into your space, a broad arm reaching for the lower register on the keyboard, coming dangerously close to touching you. The notes reverberate in the center of your chest—you’re sure they tremble in the very arteries of your lungs. He leans even more, his thigh shifting to press against yours. Heart in your throat, you try to fight for your claim on the bench, bracing your feet against the floor.

The corner of his mouth twitches. He plays a devastating run of notes, plucking them in time with the rapid pulse of your heart as he pushes against you, the solidness of his body threatening to shove you off the bench.

Instinctively, your hand shoots out to stabilize yourself, grabbing onto the edge of the piano. Your thumb catches the lowest key, startled by the low rumbling bass of it. Your other hand jerks uncertainly in the air, not wanting to grab into the only thing within reach to save yourself from falling.

Knives does it for you. Grabs your arm with his free hand, the contact tearing a quiet gasp from you. You’re nearly chest-to-chest with him, his body angled in front of yours to reach the lower register of keys. His eyes tilt down to glance at your mouth.

He’s close—closer than he’s ever been. Closer than he ever should be outside of the mandatory care you’ve been giving.

“Kn-Knives?” you ask, hardly breathing. He’s watching your lips move to speak, and this close you can count his eyelashes, watch them brush against his cheek as he blinks.

If you just tipped your head forward, you could meet him halfway. Your body tries it—coaxing you forward just a fraction, watching his eyes flutter. His head tilts, and you—

You fly off the bench, wrenching your arm from his loosened grip, retreating until your back hits the nearby wall.

Knives stares, eyes rounded, irises flickering after you. The meager amount of space you’ve put between you is nothing: he could cross it in an instant if he pleased. And for a moment, you think he will—his shoulders turning to face you, a hand supporting his weight on the bench. You hardly dare to blink—half afraid that if you do, he’ll be there in the next moment, leaving behind all pretenses to snap the tension building thick in the room.

“Kni? Doc? Are you playing hide and seek?”

Vash’s arrival helps the sudden numbness in your fingertips fade to an unpleasant buzz. You clench and unclench your hands, pushing blood back into your fingers as Knives stands.

“I—” Your voice catches. “I need to make dinner. It’ll, uh, take a while. Stew… stew takes a while. Wait… wait here. I’ll get Vash.”

The back of your neck prickles as you hurry away from the room, the distinct mistake of running away spidering across your neck, visceral and potent.

Knives takes dinner in his room. Or rather, after Vash comes downstairs, he gives you a bright little smile and says his brother doesn’t feel like seeing those insurance girls, who you all already know won’t be joining you for dinner. He takes up Knives’ meal, too, giving a dramatic little goodbye wave, humming all the way up. You can’t hear anything while all the way in the kitchen, so instead you busy yourself on serving up portions to give to Meryl and Milly later.

Meals with Vash are never a quiet affair, but you’ve known him to be extremely perceptive. All it takes is a too-stiff smile for you to know he can sense something is off.

“Why don’t you go see what Knives is up to?” he suggests while clearing the table. “I can hand off the containers to the insurance girls when they come.”

You’ve made the walk to Knives’ room many times before, but on this particular night it feels as though Vash has sent you into the maw of a beast.

The stairs creak ominously with each step you take—maybe it’s just the nerves that are choking you, the memory of his unmoving stare a distant threat.

“Knives?” The door is open, but you knock anyways. “Can I come in?” A grunt is your response.

You take it as a yes. He’s sitting at the table sipping his drink when you spot him.

“Do you want some more?” you ask, glancing at his tray of untouched food.

“No.” The cup bumps quietly against the table when he puts it down. “This is enough.”

“Vash helped make this stew. I hope next time you’re able to enjoy a bit of it,” you tell him, lamenting a bit. Vash will probably have no trouble eating it—you thought he would’ve volunteered to come up himself to do just that, in fact.

Knives hums. “The stew aside, you shouldn’t let the bread dry out like that. It was nearly too stale to chew.”

“This was our last use of it,” you tell him, pulling the curtains shut. “Tomorrow I’ll turn it into bread crumbs and—”

Your head spins so fast something in your neck pops. He’s not watching you, but his arms are crossed, stubbornly avoiding your eyes.

The piece of bread has a bite taken out of it. Just the smallest little chunk, but you can feel a smile spread across your face all the same.

“Did you dip it into the stew? Just the bread on its own is going to be a little bland,” you say, trying to diminish the excitement in your voice. “Vash didn’t say if there was anything you did or didn’t like aside from coffee, so I—I haven’t been thinking much about what to make. Or rather, I was hoping there would be something you’d like to try, so I’ve been making a bunch of different things—”

“Human,” Knives snaps, but he doesn’t sound truly angry—his mouth is pressed together, into what you can now confidently say is an embarrassed pout. Like this, you can see the resemblance he shares with his brother. Maybe if Knives practices that face a little more, it’ll be better at pulling on your heartstrings. “Stop it,” he says, glancing at you, no doubt referencing the wide smile on your face. “You shouldn’t concern yourself with that.”

“I wanted you to enjoy it,” you admit, resisting the urge to reach out and feel along the reddening curve of his ear. They were hot, too, that day you gave him a haircut. When you had an excuse to touch him.

And though he can’t read your mind, Knives looks at you, eyes narrowing, scrutinizing the expression on your face.

“Help me to bed,” he says instead. Not quite defeated—not Knives—but stiff.

“Okay,” you say, finally, finally giving yourself enough room to be quietly hopeful.

For the last time, you let him use your shoulder as support. For the last time, you get a hand on his waist to support him. He doesn’t flinch from your touch—you rest your arm on his back.

“Maybe due for another haircut?” you murmur, not letting yourself reach out to touch the strands. It hasn’t been that long since his last one—he knows it, too. There’s more you want to say to him, but the words are stuck in your throat as you linger.

It’s only a handful of steps to the edge of his bed, but those sparse moments melting away the tension and distrust left within the cracks—the warmth passing from his body to yours, yours to his in real time. The mattress creaks as he sits. You can feel everything. The drag of your fingers against his back through his shirt as he sinks onto the bed. The weight of his gaze, locked with your eyes and then dipping to your lips as they part.

“I think Vash will be happy to hear you tried some of the bread,” you say. “Even if it was a little stale.” His mouth thins. “Will you sit with us tomorrow, Knives?”

It happens before you can process it—his name as the precursor. The expression that crosses his face at the sound of it is hard to decipher: stricken and agonized. Then it settles into something hard, and his hands are reaching for you, hauling you onto the bed by your neck as his fingers wrap around your throat. The mattress dips with your combined weight as he climbs on top of you. Your own hands are limp by your head.

“I’ve been too soft with you,” he hisses, sounding distant. “I’ve been too lenient.” He doesn’t squeeze, but his entire body is tense; you can see his jaw tighten. “I could easily… snap your neck.” A thumb dips into the base of your throat, right above your collarbones.

“You could, but then I’d die,” you tell him plainly, “and I think that would make you sad.”

His fingers twitch. You know he can feel your pulse, the vibrations of your throat when you speak.

“No,” he whispers, a small tremor going through his hands, like he can’t decide if he should really strangle you or not. “No. I won’t let him have you.” Knives’ voice is quiet and distant—as if speaking to himself. He lets out a harsh breath. “I’ll never let him have you. He doesn’t need more of you.”

His grip tightens a fraction. Your hand lifts up from the mattress. His eyes snap away form your face to follow its movement, but he doesn’t let go. When you brush gentle knuckles across his face, the muscle beneath his eye jumps. He reacts to your touch like a frightened animal, but refuses to let you go.

Your fingers move along the curve of his ear. His fingers squeezing reflexively. But then your nails scrape lightly against his scalp, just like they had the first time.

“You have me,” you whisper. “I’m here.”

He blinks slow. You run the pad of your thumb just above his eyebrow, and he melts. His head drops, hanging between two broad shoulders. Knives makes a beautiful picture—closer to prayer and holier than even the mortal men that recite their hymns. The firm muscle of his chest presses into yours. His hands leave your throat; instead they cling to you, holding you beneath him.

Voices drift up from the floor below—Milly and Meryl are here.

“Knives, I have to get up,” you say. “I should greet them.”

“No,” he says, voice rumbling. “They should just disappear.”

“They’ve helped Vash a lot in the past,” you remind him lightly. “I don’t think they’re going anywhere anytime soon.”

He buries himself into you like a child, pulling you against him fully.

“Then they can wait,” he says, tucks his face into the crook of your neck.

It occurs to you that, though he’s had contact with a small amount of people, Knives has traveled mostly alone all this time. With no friends, no lover, no brother, you wonder how he’s managed with the loneliness—if he still considers himself above it all. Despite his hostility and cruel tendencies, there’s genuine love inside him for Vash. And no matter how hidden and locked away it may be, you hope there’s some of that same love left for humans.

Your fingers find his hair again. His body goes stiff, but all you do is drag your hand lightly from the crown of his head to his nape, threading your fingers through the short strands in a repeated path down, patting him to a loose and relaxed posture.

“Knives,” you murmur, “I have to get up eventually.”

He doesn’t budge. Merely slides an arm under your back in a near crushing move. Strong-arming you further against him, as if he could melt the two of you together—taking what he knows you’ll gladly give.

“Let them be,” he says.

“I have to go to sleep at some point,” you say. He scoffs. “Would you rather we sleep in the same bed?”

“…A bed would be an upgrade to that sorry piece of furniture, wouldn’t it?”

The laughter that escapes is surprising: it moves your bodies with the motions of it. You continue to stroke his hair.

“I’ve become attached to that couch,” you say around a smile. “Maybe I prefer sleeping on it.” Knives leans away enough to glare. “…Can I at least bring the tray downstairs?”

Knives’ glare softens to a muted scowl. He climbs off reluctantly, watches you until you leave the room.

Milly and Meryl are still here. You greet them and give the tray to Vash, meeting his eyes with a wide grin when he notices the bread.

When you return, Knives is waiting for you on the edge of the bed again. But this time, he’s sitting up—alert. You hover by the door.

“Are you sure?” you ask. His scowl deepens.

“Enough dawdling.”

You shut off the lights. He waits for you to get on the mattress and lays himself across you, leaving the other side of the bed completely open.

“You won’t get hot?” you ask.

“Quiet,” he mutters, and nestles his head on top of your chest.

It’s hard to tell who falls asleep first, but as the night stretches, you can feel both of your chests moving in sync, the rise and fall of each breath matching up to ensure not an inch of space grows between your bodies.

It’s hard to tell, but when your eyes next open, you’re tangled up in sheets and limbs. The room is still dark, but you’re almost too comfortable to move. Knives is nearly fused to your side, long arms wrapped around you, head resting on the pillow. Your eyes trace his face, the gentle curve of his lashes, the beauty mark beneath his eye.

(When he wakes, you’ll greet him with a little smile. He’ll frown and try to buy more time for sleep, turning his face into the pillow. But he’ll tighten his arms when you try to leave, refusing to relinquish you.

And when you’re finally successful in removing yourself from his clutches, he’ll frown after you until you tell him to come downstairs for breakfast.

“It’ll be better than the bread from last night,” you’ll tell him with a groggy little smile.

It’ll take some convincing, but when you finally go downstairs and greet Vash, he’ll give you a knowing little smile, will cheerfully ask if you slept well.

“Very,” you’ll say, a little shy, and Vash will laugh with the air of a man who’s finally willing to heal.)

But for now, you smooth your thumb across his cheek, and smile in the quiet privacy of early morning when his nose wrinkles—painfully human. You rest an arm across his waist, gaze at the wall, and think that maybe there is a place for him. Just like he’d always wanted.

᯽ wet dreamz • osamu dazai

synopsis • you’ve been having some dubious dreams about one (1) osamu dazai and you let it slip.

warnings • swearing, lucid dreaming, fem!reader, ņsfw, dazai (he needs his own warning, yes), nickname “bella” is used, hair pulling, some light hand stuff/teasing, oral (f -> m), no set dynamic (both parties switch), masturbation (f), clothed sex, edging, finger sucking, slight choking, creampie, overstimulation, pussy drunk dazai, this is a long one >.<, also mildly unedited

wc • 6.8k

a/n • ahahahaha i don’t know

his hands are all over you, all at once, but it’s still not enough. you can’t pinpoint why because in all honesty it should be borderline overwhelming. but it’s not.

maybe you’re just greedy. you’ve been waiting for this for so long that you’ve been dreaming about it. dreaming? something washes over you and, once again, you can’t place it. you shake it off internally. how could you pay anything much attention when what you should be paying attention to is the man underneath you pawing at your skin.

he’s demanding all of your attention and you’ll gladly give it to him. you don’t remember how you got here, or how you got his shirt off but you dip down and kiss his exposed and surprisingly sun kissed skin. everything is blurry, the feeling of his skin under your lips, the image of him shirtless underneath you and the sensation of his nimble fingers kneading at your ass. 

before you can overthink it, he gets impatient and guides your hips to grind down on his hardened crotch. your mind is the next thing to become blurry. you straighten up and throw your head back as the sensation of the friction overtakes your senses. you want more, need more.

as if the brunette could read your mind, he’s tugging at your panties. it’s only then that you realize, he’s pantless as well. things felt like they were going too fast and also too slow all at once. you sit yourself back down on his length and continue to grind down on him.

your head is swimming and distantly you hear ringing in your ears. you ignore it though, the sounds of his moans drowning out any other noise. his grip on your bottom tightens and he lifts your hips up expertly aligning himself with your entrance.

he’s about to sit you back down and stretch you out but the ringing gets louder and everything goes white.

᯽•᯽

you woke this morning in a pool of your own sweat — thighs rubbing together desperately seeking out the same sensations you experienced in your dream. 

now you’re sitting at your desk feeling extremely embarrassed and, frankly, frustrated that you had yet another wet dream about your coworker, dazai osamu. 

you let out a huff while typing up a report on yesterday’s case. of all people in this office it just had to be the most insufferable of them all. why did he have to be so gorgeous? why couldn’t you think the same of kunikida? hell, even ranpo would have been a better choice than dazai. you think your subconscious is cruel. laughing at you, making fun of you by giving you wet dreams. you felt like a fucking teenager. hell, you don’t think you even had wet dreams when you were an adolescent going through puberty. how utterly embarrassing.

you let out yet another exasperated sigh, brows furrowed and fingers typing furiously. you were making a spectacle and your deskmates had long since noticed your sour mood. atsushi and kunikida were the smart ones, they simply let you be, figuring if you wanted to talk about it you would bring it up. 

dazai, however, is nosey. his natural curiosity always getting the better of him. he builds a simple paper airplane and shoots it through the air. it lands right on your keyboard and your aggressive typing finally ceases. you stare at the airplane as if you’ve never seen one in your entire life. you refuse to look up, fearing that if you look at dazai you’ll be reminded of what your subconscious thinks of him. you don’t think you can handle that quite yet.

dazai watches, slightly perturbed, as you seem to try to make his little creation spontaneously combust. no matter how unsettling, dazai still isn’t deterred. atsushi shoots him a warning look, as if to say this wasn’t a good idea. the brunette blatantly ignores the boy and wheels himself over to your part of the desk, which was a show in itself since you’re on the complete opposite side of where he was sat. that means dazai has to push himself past either atsushi or kunikida. of course, him being the menace that he is, dazai chooses the harder path of going around kunikida.

you don’t see it because you’re still having a staring contest with your little gift but kunikida’s eye twitches as dazai swivels past him. the blonde was going to take the high road though. he was going to let it slide since you seemed to need the distraction. but dazai was clumsy and clipped his wheels on the ones of his partner’s chair. kunikida’s eye twitches and he can’t help himself.

”dazai…” it’s a simple warning. one that the brown eyed detective promptly ignores.

dazai makes it to you without another hitch and gingerly reaches over to replace the airplane with a paper rose.

you blink. stare some more. then finally look up. “dazai, what the fuck?” 

“oh c’mon, bella. you’ve been in a mood all day. i thought a rose would cheer you up enough to tell me what’s got you in such a sulky mood.” dazai pouts at you and it takes everything in you to look away for your sanity.

you can feel your cheeks heating up by just the small interaction. if these dreams persist, you’re not sure you can keep your composure. you were barely hanging on by a thread as it was. you distantly think maybe it’s your subconscious telling you that you need to get laid. you almost scoff at the thought.

yes. it has been some time since you last slept with someone, but there is no way that was causing the dreams. if that was the case you would be having dreams about more than just dazai. he was simply plaguing your mind and you think you might go insane if this kept going on. 

so instead of dealing with it like a sane person, because you aren’t right now, you decide to take it out on the very man that has been haunting your mind. “i’m trying to get my work done and i’m certainly not in the mood. go bother atsushi if you’re bored, dazai.”

you hear a small complaint come from across the desk and look up to see atsushi giving you an accusatory expression. you immediately feel guilty for throwing him under the bus and finally relax for the first time all day. you toss the weretiger an apologetic smile then whip around to glare at dazai for a moment.

”i changed my mind. you’re buying me lunch at the cafe. let’s go.” you don’t give dazai any time to answer. you save your work, shut your laptop and promptly stand up and walk off. you weren’t going to give dazai any room to argue. you figured if he didn’t follow then he wasn’t that curious and you got to enjoy a break in silence.

unfortunately you hear dance-like footsteps coming from behind you, indicating that dazai was, in fact, following. you both step into the elevator and about halfway down dazai finally opens his mouth.

”so, what’s got a beautiful woman such as yourself in such a mood today?” his smile is lazy and eyes dull.

you hate this. you hate when he acts like this. you do genuinely like dazai, just not this version of him. the shut off version, the one that puts on a facade and plays with people for fun. you don’t have much time to think about it though. the elevator jolts to a sudden stop and dings, indicating that you’ve made it to the ground floor. you scurry out of the small space and make your way to the cafe. 

when you enter your mood instantly sours seeing that it wasn’t lucy in today, but rather the waitress dazai is always making eyes at and wistfully requesting her to perform a double suicide with him. you muster up a smile to offer the owner and wave at him before taking your seat at one of the booths. dazai plops himself on the other side across from you.

the waitress comes over and you brace yourself for the encounter that’s about to transpire. dazai watches you closely, head tilting to the side curiously. 

“welcome, detectives, what can i get you started with today?” her smile is sweet and you feel bad for your previous annoyance. it’s not her fault dazai doesn’t understand the art of subtlety. 

dazai speaks up before you can get a chance to. “go on, bella, you order whatever you want.” dazai addresses his attention to the waitress next. “everything will be going on my tab, miss waitress.”

”how very generous of you, mr. dazai. i assume you finally invested in that life insurance policy i recommended?” her smile is sweet but her words are clipped and condescending. you let out a little snort as dazai starts to sweat a little. 

before dazai can quip back, you order. “i’ll take an iced latte and the sandwich of the day, please.”

“of course miss. what about you, mr. dazai?”

dazai almost shrinks at her faux warm demeanor. “i’ll just take a cup of coffee.” 

you raise your brow at him disapprovingly and before the waitress can scurry off you quickly get out, “can you make sure my sandwich is cut in half?”

she smiles at you genuinely and nods her head. after she walks off you catch dazai staring at you once again. you know he’s about to speak again and you dread whatever it is that’s going to fall from those surprisingly full lips of his. 

“so, are you going to tell me what’s gotten your panties in a twist all day?”

nice.

how eloquent of him. 

you scowl at him and hiss out, “could you not refer to it as that?”

”sorry, bella. would you rather i ask why you’ve been so sour all day in a different way?” dazai grins at you clearly pleased at getting a rise out of you. 

you huff and roll your eyes. “would you believe me if i told you it’s because i had a dream of you?”

”oh? did you now? what was the dream about? you must regale me with all of the details.” dazai sets his elbows on the table in between the two of you. his fingers intertwine and he rests his head atop his hands. 

it’s almost eerie, the way he’s looking at you but you can’t quite place why. you wince internally realizing your mistake. how the hell are you supposed to tell dazai that you fantasized about— no. you didn’t fantasize, it was a dream. a creation of your subconscious. not of your control. you want to shrivel up and die. 

how the hell are you supposed to explain that to dazai?

you don’t. it’s the only sane reasoning you can come up with. but now you have to scramble to come up with something to dazai. the longer you just blankly stare at him the more suspicious he’s going to get. you can see it in the way his eyes become hooded and his right brow shifts up.

dazai perks up a bit and, oh god, here it comes. the realization you’ve been dreading. “don’t tell me you dreamt about me in that way.” he hums dramatically. “what a naughty girl, thinking about your colleague in such a way~”

you involuntary freeze. sure you knew this was coming but there is no way he saw through you that easily. he came to that conclusion so fast and you know for a fact you aren’t an easy person to read unless you want someone to. he couldn’t have just picked up on your thoughts like that. no, you have to remind yourself this is dazai osamu. he could have done exactly that. regardless, you refuse to admit it to yourself, let alone dazai.

“absolutely n-“ you’re cut off by the waitress dropping off your drinks and the sandwich. 

clearly she understood what you meant by your earlier request because she brings you an extra plate. you thank her one more time before she walks off. placing the slightly bigger half of the sandwich on the extra plate and scooting it towards dazai.

“eat.” he looks at you curiously but obliges when you give him an expectant glare.

you know he won’t drop the previous subject but luckily for you he’s too busy with eating to make much conversation. you both enjoy your respective halves of the delicious sandwich in silence. it was peaceful, a stark contrast to what usually transpired when you’re with dazai. you observe him quietly, subtly, as you chew on the last bite of your food.

he’s picking at the bread after only two bites. his coffee was finished within the first few minutes of it being set in front of him. a clear avoidance. keeping himself busy with sipping on his coffee so he wouldn’t have to eat. the few bites were to appease you. unfortunately for him you know all of those tricks, maybe a little too well.

you cross your arms over your chest and think about this tactically, you know if you scold him outright he’ll brush it off easily. you have to think like him for a moment. what would he do if your positions were switched.

playing dumb. “you know, it’s not very polite to let a lady eat more than you…” 

you pout and look away from him, trying to seem embarrassed. you’re not sure if it’s worked. you’re honestly too nervous to look. you think it must look real because you’re now actually embarrassed by the probably god awful acting you just displayed.

but then you hear distinct chewing and peak over to something that pleasantly surprises you. he’s taken another two bites, significantly larger than the last two, because he’s almost finished with the sandwich by the time you fully turn to look at him. 

for the first time all day you finally crack a smile at him and let out a fit of giggles. dazai almost chokes on the sandwich from the sound alone. it’s a sound he’ll never get used to nor will he ever get tired of it. you’re too busy trying to calm your giggles to notice dazai’s internal struggle as he finishes off his own food all the while staring at you in amazement.

you take a few calming breaths and look at him, still all smiles. dazai resists the urge to clutch his chest, something in it stirs — an extremely alarming and foreign sensation for him. dazais nerves are suddenly on fire. he suddenly recalls what you said earlier, how you dreamt about him. he knows you planned on denying his earlier implications but the way you paused makes him think you were having those types of dreams about him. 

dazai’s fingers twitch at his sides. he’d be lying if he said he didn’t think of you like that. hell, he’d probably have the same types of dreams if he actually dreamt. dazai’s breathing shallows and he need to get away from you. his self control thinning with each passing second he thinks about you in the most intimate of ways. 

he knows it’s wrong. at least in your case you can’t control it. but here his is, shamelessly fantasizing about you like you aren’t sat right in front of him. dazai disgusts himself. he wants to bash his head in, his thoughts swimming, making it hard for him to focus. vision blurring and ears rushing like there’s water stuck in them.

dazai abruptly stands up and announces, “we should get back to work. kunikida will get on us if we take any longer.”

you’re so perplexed because when has dazai ever cared about what kunikida thinks about? then you notice it, the unmistakable bulge straining against the crotch of his pants. you swear you didn’t mean to look, it was just currently at eye level. you’re suddenly given an opportunity, something you need to make a decision on and quickly. 

as calmly as you can, you slide out of the booth and wave to the owner and waitress before grasping onto dazai’s hand and dragging the brunette away with you. dazai is far too dazed to protest at how assertive you’re being. you lead the way to the elevator and the ride there is painstakingly quiet and slow. the second the contraption dings and the doors begin to open you’re slipping through with dazai still in tow.

the lanky man is thoroughly confused when, instead of going back to the office, you shove the two of you in the supply closet. he wants to ask but something tells him he doesn’t need to. your body language gives way that you’re going to explain yourself.

thank god there’s a lock on the inside of this room. you really did not want to relocate to the bathroom for this. dazai is still dazed, unsure of what’s happening, just letting you toss him around like a rag doll. everything is still on fire making him feel detached from his body. the sensation is almost numbing.

“you know what’s so frustrating?” your breathing is just as shallow as his is now. the ride on the elevator working you up far more than it should have. 

although he’s detached, your voice anchors him. he looks down at your flushed face and he almost whimpers at the sight. he croaks out, “what is?”

“you. you’re so frustrating. your stupid act, your stupid need to play dumb, your stupid big brown eyes, your stupidly long fingers, your stupidly handsome face and your stupidly careless actions. y’know, you’ve had a hard on since you stood up at the cafe. practically shoved it in my face.” you have him trapped, his back is hitting the end of some shelves.

you don’t touch him yet. you look up at him and gauge his reaction. he seems to be battling with what he should say and you could laugh in triumph. you’ve never seen someone render the dazai osamu speechless, but you just did it with a few suggestive sentences. 

dazai takes a shuddered breath collecting his wits before grinning down at you after fully processing your words. “my apologies, bella. that wasn’t my intention, but what is yours? this is quite the damning position you have me in.”

your confidence falters but you quickly recover and click your tongue. “it would be rude of me to not help you calm down… especially if i was the cause.” 

you look away, embarrassed by your own proposition. dazai takes a moment. he knows what you’re implying, he’s sure of it, but he’s having a hard time wrapping his head around it. after what feels like an eternity— it’s not, you’re just being dramatic— it finally clicks in dazai’s head. you’re being serious, if the look on your face is any indication. 

the detective hums and reaches out. his hand cups your face and glides up into your hair, fingers tangling with the strands and tugging just a little too harshly to be considered gentle. he was needy, you could see it in the endless sea of honey that are his irises. something was stirring. 

“how am i supposed to say no to that? i’m a weak man, unable to deny a beautiful woman when she makes such an enticing offer.”

you don’t have time to bite back with a witty comment because his lips are quite literally crashing into yours. the second his chapped lips make contact with your own every single touch and action from him comes from a place of desperation. although skilled, his actions are sloppy and almost rushed. his free hand grips your waist and draws you even closer. 

your hands land on his chest to brace and balance yourself. you try to catch your breath but dazai is proving that difficult with how his tongue dances along your own. his actions steal your breath away from you and make your lungs burn, screaming for relief and air. 

the lack of air and the sensation of dazai’s tongue tangling with your own dizzies your head. you can’t get a proper thought out. instinctively your mouth is moving with his, tongue smoothing over his, and hands fisting at the cloth on his chest but you couldn’t move out of your own volition. 

dazai pulls your head back by once again tugging at your hair. you let out an involuntary whimper, making sure to stay quiet as you gasp for air. dazai dips his head down and speaks in between littering kisses on your neck.

“i thought you were going to help me calm down, bella. so far i’m doing all the work and now i’m far more worked up than i was in the cafe.” 

his words bring you crashing down to reality and you scowl. of course he would still tease you. he loves getting a rise out of you. 

you don’t entertain him, though. instead your hand travels down his torso and starts tugging at his shirt. you pout at him mockingly. “i didn’t realize some mild kissing would work you up so much. ‘didn’t realize you were so sensitive -- so needy.” 

dazai wants to quip back at you but as you’re talking you’re undoing his pants and your last word is emphasized by you shoving your hand down his pants. your hand almost falters when you realize he’s not wearing anything underneath. instead, though, you take your index finger and teasingly run it along his length. it feels endless, he’s long, you realize. you briefly wonder just how far, how deep, he could reach inside of you. 

dazai shudders at the feather like touches to where he needs attention the most right now. you lean up and with your free hand you tug on dazais collar to bring him down to your level. your breath fans over his ear and, god, he shudders again. 

you hum. “‘s this where you need attention right now?”

“yes.” dazai breathes out the word. clearly affected by the way your finger is twirling around the leaking tip of his cock.

you maintain eye contact with dazai as you sink to your knees. the implication alone has dazai’s nerves coiling tighter. he brings his hand up to cover his face, head falling back as he groans. his breathing becomes more erratic as you withdrawal your hand, he barely contain a whimper from falling past his lips at the loss of contact. but you make quick work of shocking his pants halfway down his thighs and finally freeing his strained length.

your mouth begins to salivate involuntarily. his cock is surprisingly pretty and just as you suspected — his length is impressive, definitely above average. the leaking tip is flushed pink and his veins are visibly throbbing. you want nothing more than to choke on it but first, you think you need to tease him some more.

you rest your cheek on his trembling thigh and stare up at him innocently. “osamu.” he could cum, right then and there with the way you say his given name.

dazai looks down at you. the sight in front of him bringing him embarrassingly closer to release. all dazai can muster is a hum of acknowledgment and even that sounds a little pained.

you smile at his obvious desperation. “if i help you out here you need to follow a couple rules. be quiet and no touching. think you can do that for me?”

dazai tries so hard to pay attention to your words but barely registers them. did you say no touching? no touching what? and him being quiet? a bold request of him.

you seem pleased with how quick he is to nod at you in obedience. you waste no time, ready to indulge both of your fantasies. you lick a long stripe along the vein on the underside of his cock. dazai is twitching at the one action alone. how embarrassing of him — you both have the same thought. 

the brunette’s fingers itch to touch you but his mind is coherent enough to remember your stipulations. no touching. how cruel of you. to resist that temptation when you’re making him feel this good is just downright wicked.

you don’t miss the way his fists clench in a desperate attempt to keep his word. how could you not reward him for that? listening to you like such a good and obedient puppy. your tongue darts out to swirl around his flushed tip. the taste of his precum floods your tastebuds and you’re instantly hooked like an addict to their drug of choice. dazai’s taste was your new vice. 

your lips wrap around his head and you hollow your cheeks. dazai is panting. his head spinning from the pleasure at just the slightest of touches from you. his head hangs back and he brings his fist to his mouth and bites down. he wants to groan, wants to whimper, wants to moan your name. but you’ve denied him that privilege and he has a feeling that you would be merciless if he gave in and disregarded your requests. 

you take more of him with each bob of your head and with each stroke of your tongue you unravel the tight coil that had formed in dazai’s stomach. he was already so close. what a sight it would be to watch you choke over him as he spills everything he has directly down your throat. the thought almost undoes him. he bites down on his fist harder and he thinks he may have broken skin.

you observe dazai and it’s all so hot. his pants, his facial expressions, the way sweat is starting to form on his face and cause his hair to stick to it. you can feel yourself getting worked and you’re impatient. thank god the weather permitted you to wear a pencil skirt instead of the usual slack you usually wear. you use your free hand to bunch up your skirt at your waist. the actions makes your movements on dazai’s cock a little sloppy. he hadn’t noticed yet but his brows furrow as if he’s starting to. you try to fix your pace but it’s too late. he is already picking up his head and peering down at you. 

you were trying to touch yourself. if his head wasn’t already spinning this is what would be what sent him into a spiral. you had the audacity to call him needy but then in turn do something like this. it was unfair. 

Dazai can’t help himself. “bella, are you trying to touch yourself?” it comes out as a teasing whisper. you don’t miss the amusement in his voice. 

you suppose you asked him to stay quiet, not to stay silent.

still, your brows furrow and you ever so slightly graze your teeth against his cock. the sensation is something dazai sickeningly loves. his eyes are rolling back into his head and he let’s out a short moan. it’s quiet and you’re quite annoyed that he’s found a loophole. 

you can’t deny that his noises aren’t doing something for you, though. you’re even more desperate than before to slip out of your panties. you maneuver around and manage to shimmy them off. it’s almost embarrassing how wet the crotch of them are. you try to care but you just can bring yourself to do so when dazai’s hips begin to thrust and force the small bit of his length you’ve been unable to touch down your throat. 

you gag around him and dazai’s grasping at the shelves behind him for leverage. you spread your legs the best you can, being on your knees like this and sneak your hand up your thigh. you can feel the heat radiating off of you. you run a finger through your slick and moan around dazai when the digit brushes your clit.

“fuck, fuck, fuck ‘s so good, bella. your mouth ‘s so perfect for me.” his voice is hushed and breathy.

you’re not even listening to his babble as your nose continues to brush against his pelvis every time your sucking him back into your mouth. gagging, choking, on his cock. your eyes are watery, tears spilling from that and the sensation coming from below your pelvis. your finger makes expert work of your clit.

it’s too much.

you can’t breath right, dazai can’t think right, you gag with every thrust, dazai can’t control his stuttering hips, your one hand is playing with yourself and the other reaches up to cup dazai’s balls. 

it’s not only too much for you, it’s too much for dazai. the added sensation makes nerve, every cell, every fiber that makes up dazai ignite. he was about to cum, he needed to warn you. he needed to open his mouth and say something but it just flapped, no noise was coming out.

you bob your head back and peer up at dazai, his erratic breathing becoming suspiciously loud. the look on his face is absolutely breathtaking — it’s flushed, almost beet red, tears of his own trickle down his cheeks in droplets. he looked like a fallen angel, beautiful and dangerous all at the same time. 

you moan at the sight. fingers traveling down to your entrance and slowly pushing through. you suck in a breath and fold your lips over your teeth to keep yourself from grazing his length with them. the initial stretch feels divine but your fingers themselves aren’t enough. you need dazai’s twitching cock inside your cunt.

you note that dazais cock is throbbing painfully and starts to twitch quite a lot.

oh, you realize, he’s going to cum. 

you smirk deviously. you push your mouth down on dazai until his tip is hitting the back of your throat. with your eyes still on him you hollow your cheeks and swallow. dazai almost yelps at the added stimulation. his head snaps up and finally his attention is on you.

“shit.” he hisses, this time a little louder, so you glare up at him. “sorry- sorry but- fuck- gonna cum, please, ‘m so close.”

the second those words leave his mouth you’re backing up and removing your fingers from yourself. dazai let’s out a mangled noise, something between a sob and laugh. it was almost unnerving but the blissed out look on dazai’s face tells you he’s enjoying this game far more than the average person.

you watch his chest heave, his breathing heavy. his face is as red as a blooming rose. you think it’s a sort of beautiful sight to see. dazai never gets flustered, so seeing him like this, you can’t help but to feel special. 

you stand up as you pout at him, mock empathy written all over your face. “sorry, did you wanna cum? don’t think i can have that quite yet. not when you haven’t even fucked me. right, osamu?”

there it is again, the sound of his given name falling from your lips. something in dazai snaps. the thread of his sanity that you’d been stretching thin ever since the cafe finally tore in two. his eyes darken dangerously and you only have a moment to realize the shift before he’s picking you up by your thighs and wrapping them around his thin waist. you can feel his stiff cock lightly bouncing against your ass as he flips you around and pins you against the shelves.

his head dips down and he lips scant across the skin of your neck. he’s careful to only leave feather light touches. scraping the rough skin of his mouth on one of your most sensitive areas sends a shock of electricity through your body. you so badly want to tug at his hair but you’re coherent enough to realize your fingers are still coated in your own slick. 

you smile slyly at the detective as he peers at you through his ridiculously long lashes. you grab his chin delicately and bring your soiled fingers to his lips. his eyes light up in immediate realization. he wordlessly opens his mouth, tongue lolling out a bit as he happily waits for his treat like a puppy, you can practically see his tail wagging. you let out a breathless laugh, because you think you may be screwed. dazai osamu has you wrapped around his pretty and lithe fingers and you think he already knew that. 

you think about making him beg for it but you’re so momentarily mesmerized by the brunette that you find yourself leaning in and gently interesting the digits into his mouth. dazai is quick to appreciate your offering. his lips encase your fingers and his tongue makes quick work of lapping up and savoring your taste.

dazai’s hip involuntarily rut into yours and you can’t help yourself. all the pent up frustration you’ve felt since the dreams started finally gets to your head. you’re desperate to feel him inside of you. a sensation you were always denied of, waking up before actually getting fucked by the very man holding you each time. you reach down to guide his cock then expertly shift your hips and he becomes perfectly aligned with your entrance. dazai is sucking on your fingers but his actions become sloppy as he watches what you’re doing with intense concentration.

you waste no time sinking yourself down on his length, he’s already well coated in your slick and eases into you. you bite on your lip to avoid making any obscene noises but dazai snaps you into reality when he carelessly moans loudly. you panic and shove your fingers further into his mouth. he hums appreciatively and if his hips rocking into yours didn’t feel so good you’d hop off his cock right then and there and leave him blue balled. you could bring yourself to do that though, not when you’ve been waiting for this for so long.

you settle for hissing out, “shut the fuck up, dazai.” 

dazai gives you a shit eating grin as he snakes an arm under your ass and squeezes before slowly shifting his hips away from yours, leaving you virtually empty, before sliding himself back into you at the same painstakingly slow pace. he repeats the slowed movements a few times before you’re slipping your fingers out of his mouth and bracing yourself on his shoulders. you try to move your hips on your own but dazai is quick to catch you.

“ah, ah, bella. can’t have you doing whatever you want right now. unless you want me to get louder, you’ll let me set the pace.” his voice is slightly strained and hushed, but despite his seriousness, you can hear the tiniest bit of teasing mixed in.

you let out a whine but resign to him setting the pace. in the meantime your fingers find their way to his hair and tug. dazais hips stutter, showing you that he is far too needy to take full control. taking full advantage of just how distracted he is, you grind your hips into the detective’s with each thrust and dip your head to leave sloppy wet kisses along his jaw and down his neck.

“shit, you’ve been so wound tight all the time lately that even your perfect cunt has a vice grip on me. it’s so perfect, feels so good.” you can tell how hard dazai is trying to be quiet and you note that you should reward him for that later.

it doesn’t take long for his pace to increase, his rapid movements making the shelves behind you rock and creak. dazai still seems displeased with the pace, his brows knitting together in concentration. you catch his eyes flitting to your neck and lingering there. 

you’ve always worn your tie loose, the first couple buttons if your dress shirt undone. it drives dazai mad. your neck and cleavage are always on display in the most tasteful way. he wants nothing more than to run his hand over your velvety soft skin and wrap his nimble fingers around your neck. now that he has the chance to do so, he can’t pass up the opportunity.

your grip in his hair tightens as he shifts you, keeping you up with one arm as he keeps his pace. you have no room to question him when the new positioning has his cock nudging your sweet spot so deliciously. your head becomes dizzy and your mouth falls open in a silent moan. 

dazai’s hand travels up your body, palm flush with your skin so he can feel every bump and curve. he starts at your upper abdomen and slithers it up. he completely ignores your breasts which you vaguely think was his goal. you have no time to act surprise over it bc his hand is gently wrapping around your neck. he wants to squeeze, fingers twitching, but he resigns to a light grip to simply test the waters. 

your response is something he wasn’t expecting. your eyes roll back and you let out a hushed whimper. that’s when he realizes, he wants to do this forever. he wants to fuck you senseless so he can see that beautiful expression on your face forever. so he can feel you tightly wrapped around him forever. dazai wants you forever. the fleeting thought scares him just a little but he has no time to dwell on it because the coil in his stomach is unraveling once again.

“dazai-“ your interrupted by him bringing you in for a sloppy kiss. you think the noises from the kiss alone are far more obscene than the noises from him bullying his cock into you, which is a hard feat considering those are, by no means, quiet or pure. 

when the brunette detaches himself he breathes out. “osamu- shit- ‘s osamu…”

“osamu. ‘m gonna cum. so close- please.” you let out a quiet sob as you babble.

dazai has no time to respond. it’s embarrassing, the way he can’t even give you any other warning but him shoving his face in your shoulder, grip tightening around your throat ever so slightly. the whimper he lets out tells you everything you need to know before he starts spilling his cum inside of you.

the throbbing of his cock and sensation of him filling you up has your walls contracting and you’re diving off the deep end yourself. you bite your lip hard. desperate trying to keep yourself from making more noise than the whines sticking in your throat. your vision blurs and and hearing goes muffled as your senses become overwhelmed by your high.

dazai is still rutting his hips into you, guiding you through your orgasm despite his twitches and obvious overstimulation. when you come back to your senses, dazai is whimpering a lot louder than previously. his grip on your neck is lost as he leaves soothing strokes on your side. you tug at his hair to lift his head so you can look at him.

his face is somehow even more flushed than earlier, you’re almost concerned. the look in his eyes though makes something stir inside of you. his glazed over and hooded eyes, completely unfocused. his lips parted as he’s letting out short and shuddered puffs of air. dazai has lost all senses but the feeling of him inside of you. 

“osamu. hey- look at me. you need to calm-“ you his when his rutting becomes more intense, thrusts becoming less shallow but hips and cock still twitching wildly, you have to stop him otherwise you’ll both lose yourselves in this supply closet and you can’t afford to do that when everyone is still in the office next door. “osamu we need to get back.”

dazai seems to have regained some of his consciousness. “again.”

you let out a breathless laugh, eyes glimmering in genuine amusement and adoration. “not right now. later. we need to get back. i have a case i need to finish working on.”

dazai finally fully comes back to you and he lightens up at the promise of later. that means this isn’t just a one time thing. something in that back of his head always told him if he crossed that line with you, things wouldn’t be the same, he’d only have one shot. but your words are such a relief he could cry. he can’t help himself, he has to clarify.

“later? after work and… again anytime after that?” his eyes are pleading and hopeful and you can’t help but melt under his soft gaze.

you nod and open your mouth to affirm his statement but you're rudely interrupted by a loud rapping at the closet door. “you two better have not done any of that by my emergency snack stash and you better clean up after yourselves. hurry up, i can't keep stalling and kunikida needs staples.”

ranpo’s voice rings throughout the room. you groan in embarrassment and bury yourself into his chest. dazai lets out a gleeful laugh still dizzyingly drunk on the idea of your promise.

it’s rot girl autumn! we're decaying alongside the trees!

step 1: break into aperture science

step 2: coat myself in blue gel

step 3: discover how to bounce to the moon

i definitely will break all my bones, but for one brief and glorious second it will be so worth it

In the heat of the night

synopsis: it’s a bit unusual to get drowned in the waves of pleasure outside the bedroom, yet the feeling of warmth enveloping your bodies is the same.

pairing: Diluc x fem!reader

tw: established relationship, smut, oral (fem receiving), fingering, pussy drunk Diluc, face sitting/riding, kind of semi-public

word count: 2.6k words

a/n: fun fact - both Sandra and e-rotic have a song named “In the heat of the night”

Your back arches and a quiet moan escapes your pretty lips, sending another flutter through Diluc’s heart. Here, basking in the dim light from a fireplace with all the other candles and lamps in the mansion being out, you look heavenly. Shadows and flames dance across your sweat glistening skin, nestle in the trembling lashes of your lidded eyes, hide the sacred parts of your body in a tantalizing mystery.

The first floor, the grand space of the hall, seems lifeless, but the only bright corner proves it wrong. There, on one of the couches, two bodies are laying together - a man and a woman - relishing in the proximity of each other after being apart for a whole day. The man - in an unbuttoned black shirt and equally black pants is the one resting underneath with his back leaned onto the armrest, while the woman is tucking her face in his tense neck, back flash to his chest, and legs flexing between his bent ones.

Another quiet moan disappears in the night, when rough fingers teasingly roll a nipple for who knows which time. The redhead is dragging the hem of your cozy dress even higher, completely baring your chest to the warm air and returning to brush the very pad of the thick digit against your stiff bud. You slightly jolt.

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