I Fuckin Love This God Post

i fuckin love this god post

Shepard Jokes

Q: How does the Normandy unclog their toilets?

A: Shepard walks in and scares the shit out of them.

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Q: What do Reapers do before going to sleep for 50,000 years?

A: They check under their beds for Commander Shepard.

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Shepard once pulled out a gun and killed twelve raging krogan. Then, Shepard loaded the first thermal clip.

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Shepard didn’t die. Death had a near-Shepard experience.

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Shepard’s tears could cure the genophage - too bad Shepard never cries.

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Thresher Maws have nightmares about Commander Shepard.

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Q: What’s the difference between Commander Shepard and a Reaper?

A: One is an unstoppable force of death, and the other looks like a giant metal bug.

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Shepard had an underwater breathing contest with Leviathan and won.

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Javik stayed in cryogenic stasis for 50,000 years to ask Shepard how to be vengeful.

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Shepard isn’t an honorary krogan. The krogan are honorary Shepards.

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When Shepard smiles, everyone is a romance option.

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Shepard invented the mass effect.

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Commander Shepard calibrates Garrus’ sniper rifle.

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When Commander Shepard embraces eternity, eternity gets aroused.

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Q: Why don’t quarians have to wear suits anymore?

A: When Commander Shepard breathed on the homeworld, it purified the whole thing.

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Q: Do you know why volus don’t wear suits on the Normandy?

A: Because around Commander Shepard, everyone is under pressure.

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The Consort Sha'ira had to wait eight months to meet with Shepard.

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Q: What’s the difference between Commander Shepard and a turian general?

A: One is a tactically brilliant heavily-armored artist of death, and the other one only eats dextro.

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Ryncol is Shepard piss.

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Q: What does Shepard look for in an adversary?

A: Weak points.

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Q: Why doesn’t Shepard ever run out of ammo?

A: Shepard’s so hot that the thermal clips refill themselves.

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When Shepard has sex with an Ardat-Yakshi, the Ardat-Yakshi dies.

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Q: Why did the Reapers attack Earth?

A: They knew that if they did, it’d be the only planet without Shepard on it.

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Kalros makes cave paintings of Commander Shepard.

There’s only one rule in the galaxy; dont f*ck with Shepard.

kind of tempted to leave a review every time i go through someone’s ff.net/ao3 and reread everything but i also dont want to freak people out with the wave of emails

AAAAAAAA PLAY WITH SOUND AGAIN OMG MY HEART

Wii Shop Channel | Nintendo Wii (2006)

Y'all better be going to bed at a reasonable time, don’t make me tuck you in and kiss you goodnight

this might be weird to ask, but how do I critically look at another person's writing and implement what I like in their writing in my own writing? I've been having trouble improving in my writing, and frankly Im not sure how to go about doing that, even. It's easy to see what I like about another person's writing, but hard to pinpoint exactly why...

THIS IS NOT WEIRD TO ASK. It is, in fact, the most important question EVER.

How to Read Like a Writer

Re-read. If you get halfway into a chapter and think, Wow this chapter is super creepy–I wonder how they did that. Or get to the end of a book and think, I feel the poignancy of the fragility of human life in an inherently volatile economic system–I wonder how the writer made me feel that way… Go back and re-read that shit.

Read slowly. When you read like a reader, you read pretty fast. When you go in for your second, or third, or fourth re-read of a passage, chapter, or book that you want to know more about, read it slowly. Really. Slowly.

Read for technique, not content. Readers read for content (”In this paragraph, Damien gave Harold a classified envelope.”). Writers read for technique. (”In this paragraph, the writer made me feel curious about the contents of the envelope by giving sensory details about its appearance and weight.”)

Ask the right questions. They usually start with HOW: How did the writer make me feel? How did they accomplish that?

Read small. Did a chapter make you feel sad? Find out WHERE EXACTLY. What paragraph, sentence, or WORD did it for you? Was it a physical detail? A line of dialogue? A well-placed piece of punctuation? Stories are made of words and sentences. Narrow it down.

Practice. Reading like a writer is a skill that takes time to develop. Over time, you’ll get better at it!

How about y’all? Anything to add to this list? I made it off the top of my head so I’m sure I’m forgetting something. What have been your experiences with learning to read like a writer?

Hope this helps!

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The Literary Architect is a writing advice blog run by me, Bucket Siler. For more writing help, check out my Free Resource Library or get The Complete Guide to Self-Editing for Fiction Writers. xoxo