I Say This All The Time To My Friends. The Main "offender" Is From Straight Up Texas, So Like- It's Really

I say this all the time to my friends. The main "offender" is from straight up Texas, so like- it's really hard for her to use they or he instead of she when she knew me for a solid year as my deadname and she. (This is the second year we've known each other and she has never deadnamed me) She feels really bad whenever she misgenders me, but I always tell her that I appreciate just that she's trying. Same with my sister and brother in law. Stepsister met me at 4 years old and has known me as she since then, but she's trying and so is her husband. Both of them also grew up in Texas (though stepsis did live with us sometimes, most mostly with her mom) so, I get it, it's hard. To everyone who's trying to gender their trans loved ones correctly, but do mess up, I appreciate you. Just because you mess up doesn't mean you aren't trying. And you prove that you're trying because you are making progress, and you do correct yourself. It's difficult to change a view you've had your whole life, but the fact that you're doing it because you support us means the world to me, and I know it means the world to others too. Thank you.

didn't wanna derail the last post with it but in general most trans people don't give a shit about minor mistakes. you can slip up and use the wrong pronouns or a gendered term and go "oh my bad" and 99% of the time that's where the problem begins and ends. no one is out there screaming "did you just assume my gender?!" because, like, yea. you probably did. shit happens. it's when you make a massive deal out of it, kick your heels and insist that actually "dude" is completely gender neutral or you're trying your best so everyone should just shut up ect ect that things become a problem. but every single person who does the latter insists it was the former and that everyone is making a big fuss about a mistake when in reality they've misgendered someone 10 times in a row and made no attempt to correct themself.

Fury of Nations - Chapter Two

Previous Chapter: 1

Chapter One: 1

Next Chapter: 3

Chapter 2

The morning brought about a certain problem. In the full light of the day, I got a better look at my companions and discovered that Dilan was painfully pretty. I stumbled over my words as I tried not to stare at his curly green hair, and his pretty golden eyes. I cursed myself silently. Among the many things I had come here to do, falling for a foreigner was not one of them. What would my mother think? Aside from him, I wandered around the camp and discovered the locations of a few of the important areas. First, I learned that we were number 4 of seven war camps, with rumors of an eighth being constructed. Second, that this camp was split in two halves, run by two Captains. Separating the two sides was a giant pit dug deep into the ground that I was told was the training grounds. It could be used for entertainment as there were seats near the top and some closer to the bottom, but mostly it was just a big circular pit with four sets of staircases running down its sides. There were about six new squadrons, including us, that were forming that would start training at the end of the week. That meant I had two days to figure out as much as I could about the people here before I started training with them. I should also try to get more information about the war if I could. Could it eventually take me out to sea?

Stepping into what served as the library here - I figured the best place to find knowledge would be a library - I noticed very few people in it. I hadn't expected many people here; it was a camp full of mostly Tsaballan and Fijari soldiers after all, and they were not known for their enthusiasm for books. The building itself wasn't terribly big, but there were bookshelves filled to the ceiling, all very close together. I was mildly surprised to find a lot of novels, I figured most of what would be at a war camp would be technical manuals for equipment and fighting techniques. For now, I wandered to the geography section hoping to find a book about the sea, west of the Matanal Isles. Before Tsabal had discovered the new Continent, no one had ever been far in that direction. The sea was known to be wild, claiming the lives of anyone that dared to go there. But surely there had to be research now that we were locked in a war with the continent on the other side of the sea, right? 

“Looking for anything specific?” I turned to see a grinning Dilan with a book in his hands. I couldn’t quite see what the title was, but it was a relatively thick book. I returned his smile after a moment of trying to remember what it meant here.

“I am quite curious about the Western Sea. There is so much mystery about it, though it cannot be too different from the Eastern Sea, yes?” He stepped forward and tipped out a book at eye level.

“I read this book a while back, it’s a really interesting read. If you read quickly, you might want to try this one,” He reached up after handing me a book called History of the Western Matanalan Sea, to pull out a book twice as thick as the first one and looked considerably older. It was this one he pointed to when he said

“There's a lot of conspiracy and fake tales, but who doesn’t love that? Anyway, intermixed in all the stories, there’s some real history and geography.”

“Thank you! I am a quite fast reader, so I appreciate the recommendations. What are you reading?” I asked, gesturing at the book in his hands. He looked down at it, almost as if surprised it was there.

“Ah, this one is a story book, kind of. I-” He paused, looking up at me uncertainly “... are you religious?” I shrugged.

“I think the gods used to exist, but if they are still around then they have moved on to other things to occupy their time.” He nodded then

“Okay, I just didn’t want to offend you. This one is a collection of myths or stories from back when the gods supposedly walked among us. I’ve always loved reading these kinds of stories, there’s a lot of good lessons in them, and some are just good fun.” 

“Ah. I think I must give them a try then. I also love to learn, but my research has been mostly on modern day things. Myths sound delightful though.” He laughed, and oh, that was such a pretty sound.

“I don’t know about must, but… If you want, once you’re done with those, I have some myth books I can lend you…?” He seemed hesitant but excited. I had noticed these past few days that he didn’t tend to share things with others too much. Perhaps he worried he’d be judged for his passions.

“That would be wonderful, thank you Dilan.” He nodded and walked away, leaving me to my books. 

I checked out my books and left the library intending to go straight to my little cabin to start reading. Ta’eel intercepted me on my way, though, and led me to a little group at the edge of the training grounds after I dropped off my books. It was a collection of mostly Tsaballan soldiers, though there was a grumpy looking Vishali, and two Fijari who turned out to be twins.

“Hey! An Alanaean! I’ve never seen one before, I heard your mountains are near impossible to cross.” One of the twins, Emraln, said. I nodded

“To my knowledge, I am one of twelve Alanaeans who made the trip. I do not know how many of them made it through the mountains, they are quite treacherous.” I kept my tone light, though it felt strange to have them referred to as ‘my mountains”. It wasn’t as if they belonged to me, nor to anyone.

“Yeah well, it’s good to meet you. I’m A’Toary, this one’s twin brother.” He said, with a playful wink and and elbow nudged in his brother’s direction. They play fought while Ta’eel and I chatted with the others. The Vishali didn’t say a word, which wasn’t entirely unexpected, but  they did seem extremely surprised when I asked them what their name was in Vishali Hand Sign.

‘About time one of your heathens speaks to me in my own language. I am Anet.’ I was slightly taken aback by the apparent hostility in Anet’s facial expressions and hand signs.

‘I apologize that I did not do it sooner. I am K-I-S-H-A-N. Forgive me for asking, but is it not… a bit strange to expect others to learn your language when you are in a different country?’ They simply glared at me and stalked away. I stared after them. What had I said wrong? The Fijari I’d met didn’t expect to be talked to in Fijari, nor did Ta’eel demand to be spoken to in Tashikan. So why was it different for Anet? Ta’eel rested her hand on my shoulder to get my attention

“Hey. Don’t worry about it. From what I get from their squad, Anet hasn’t spoken a word out loud. They even disdain the other Vishali in their squad for speaking out loud. Some people can’t be helped.” I nodded and turned back to the others who were engaged in a conversation regarding drinks.

“All I’m saying is that the Dalenatans know how to make a strong drink. One that’ll knock you directly on your butt if you drink it too fast.” 

“Maybe, if you’re looking for that. But the Tashikans have everyone beat on flavor.” Ta’eel laughed at this and raised her hands, a Fijari gesture.

“Hey, don’t give us all the credit. Have you had Alanaean curry? Delicious.” I nodded

“Yes, Onche Curry is certainly very good. It was my favorite dish growing up.” I responded. A slight pause. 

“Oh, is that what it’s called in Alanae?” one of the Tsaballans asked. 

“Yes, Onche Curry was made by a woman in Eastern Alanae a few decades ago.” The nice way of saying that Onche Curry is it’s name, not just ‘what we call it in Alanae’. Another pause.

“That’s really cool! Can you cook it? I’ve never had Onche Curry before.” Emraln asked. He pronounced it as Ahn-chae, which made my skin crawl a bit. 

“Unfortunately, I never learned to cook Onche, but if you get the chance, you should try it.” I responded, slightly enunciating the ‘ohn’ syllable. He nodded and Ta’eel chimed in.

“There’s an Alanaean cook, I’ll bet if you find them and ask really nicely, they probably know how to make it.”

“Oh, really? Kishan, do you know them?” I had to stop myself from being irritated. These people didn’t know me or my culture and Alanae seemed to be construed as a lot smaller than it really was. It was an honest mistake.

“No, I do not know any of the others who left Alanae for the war.” The others nodded and we carried on talking. I learned some of their names in the conversation, as well as some information about how the camp worked. The training grounds was often just called the pit and each squadron has a Squad Captain. The Tsaballan who’d mentioned the Dalenatan drinks was Univishky, Squad Captain of Squadron 8. He was a loud man with a good humor. The Fijari twins were also in Squad 8 along with Anet, and they were strangely some of the friendliest people I’d ever met. Who’d have thought that not one, but two Fijari would be good natured and friendly? By the time I made it back to the campfire, Talyn had started a small fire and Shinael greeted me with a happy expression.

‘Congratulations on the promotion, Squad Captain.’ They signed to me. I blinked at them.

“Squad Ca-” ‘Squad Captain?’ I asked, forgetting, at first, to sign. Talyn looked up and rolled his eyes as Shinael signed a confirmation.

“Oh, for the love of- Would you just speak? It’s not that hard.” He growled at them.

“Anyway, yeah, The Captain came by earlier looking for you. They told us to tell you.” 

“Ah, well… Thank you for letting me know. I will do my duty as best as I can.” Strangely, Talyn didn’t have a quip about my probably over-formal statement. Instead, he just nodded and turned back to the fire. Shinael gestured to it

‘Shall we eat? D-I-L-A-N has learned some signs and told me he wanted to learn to cook some Vishali food. He’s heard that it’s really easy and fairly tasty, so I showed him how to make Jrenish. I’m curious to know what you think of it.” Jrenish was a dish I’d heard of before. It was the most popular Vishali dish in other countries and it was essentially baked Swamp Seeds (Fat, spherical fruit produced by the trees in the dense swamps of Vishal) wrapped in waterweed (A soft, noodle-like plant that grows in the shallow parts of the Seven Rivers). I pushed away my ever-present worry about the future for the moment as I sat down and took a couple of Swamp Seeds drenched in a sauce I couldn’t identify.

THIS! My entire time on the internet, people are like "have you ever lied on the internet?" and then act appalled when I say "yes. all the time."

The internet is a wonderful place full of good information and friendly people. But, it's also, equally, if not more so, full of terrible people who WILL take advantage of ANYTHING you give them. You cannot give information like your age, place of work/school, or real name on the internet. I don't care if you have the most generic name ever, or if there's a bunch of __ year olds attending school in ___ city, bad people can and will use that shit to track you down. Or steal your information, or any number of things.

Stay safe. Rules about lying change completely when you go on the internet. If you can't understand that, then don't be on the internet.

I need minors to learn how to lie online again. Your name is Derek, you’re 25 and work in accounting now. Please for your own safety learn how to fucking lie. And if you don’t want to lie, then don’t put your age anywhere. Don’t even say whether you’re a minor or not. It is perfectly easy to avoid adult spaces without signposting that you are doing so because you’re a child.

Stating your age doesn’t protect you this only makes you a target.

Fury of Nations - Chapter Five

Previous Chapter: 4

Chapter One: 1

Next Chapter:

I sat in my room, panicking. So many thoughts raced through my head after I bumped into Dilan earlier and a flash of colors spread across my vision. Kishan looked purple, Dilan looked green, and Ta’eel looked black. Well, Ta’eel is black and Kishan is  light purple, but it wasn’t their skin tones that changed, it looked like there was a blob of light overlaying the three of them. And I saw more colored lights above the training grounds replacing the soldiers who’d been walking there before. And just as quickly as they appeared, they disappeared and Dilan’s usual appearance stood over me. Was I hallucinating again? I’ve had a history of… passing out and having strange dreams. But I’m pretty sure I never passed out and usually I could tell when I was about to. Dilan looked extremely concerned about me and I hated that. I didn’t need his sympathy. I’m a Fijari warrior, we don’t need or want anyone’s sympathy.

“I bring food. You act strange, but Fijari warriors need food too.” I looked up to see Shinael standing in the main room with a plate of food in their hand. They looked around for a moment, no doubt judging the mass amounts and diversity of the weapons I’d brought from home. I stood up and composed myself, something I was very practiced at.

“I could have gotten my own food.” I said, walking out of my room and taking the plate from them. They didn’t glare at me and leave like I expected them to.

“Yes. But, I was there, I get you food.” There was no defiance in their tone. No sass, no irritation, just a plain statement of fact. As with many other Vishali I’d seen, their face was extremely expressive, but I didn’t see judgment in their deep violet eyes. It caught me completely by surprise, I was so used to the Fijari court with their hidden jealousy and backhanded compliments. Even many of the other Vishali I’d seen so far were hostile towards me, but Shinael wasn’t like that.

“Well… you can leave now. I have my food.” Shinael didn’t leave. Their eyes wandered to a set of daggers I had on the desk.

“Hello? Do not ignore me, Vishali.” They met my eyes again and pointed to the desk.

“Um… those are pretty. Do you use them or are they… for… pretty?” I raised an eyebrow at them. Why the sudden curiosity about my belongings? Suspicion worked its way up my spine and I’m sure it made it onto my face too.

“They were a gift from my… friend. The word you are looking for is decoration and no, they are not just for decoration.” I looked back over to them, remembering the exact moment the general of the Fijari army gave them to me. Calling him my friend was a bit of a stretch, but I didn’t feel like explaining the complicated nature of my relationship with my former trainer with a mere Vishali who I hadn’t even known for two weeks. Their face changed to a strange expression I couldn’t quite read.

“Ah. You have to be… what is the word? Special, I think, to your friend. They look not cheap.”

“Sure, well, it does not matter right now. I… thank you for the food.” I turned and walked back to my bedroom and shut the door, sitting on the bed to start eating. The walls of the cabin were kind of thin and I heard Shinael sigh a few moments before the door opened and shut again. 

I left the cabin after I was sure the others had gone to bed, carrying a short sword that I’d bought shortly before I left Fijarin. I had intended to go down to the training grounds, but I bumped into Kishan halfway there, thankfully not literally this time. 

“Talyn? Where are you headed with a sword…?” They asked, eyeing me nervously.

“Do not worry, I am not going to kill or wound anyone. I would do that in the light of day if I wanted to, hurting someone at night is dishonorable. I am going to the training grounds. I need to work off some steam.” They nodded and I noticed something in their hands.

“Okay. I noticed you acted strange earlier. Are you alright?” I didn’t want to say anything but… Kishan was my commanding officer. It’s my responsibility to tell the truth when asked a direct question by a higher up even if I don’t want to.

“No. Earlier, I brushed past Dilan and I saw something strange. Like shining lights overlaying every person and everyone had different colors. And it just disappeared when I stumbled back. I am worried that I am going a little crazy.” However honest I should be with them, they hadn’t asked about my medical history, so I didn’t need to bring up my issues with passing out. Kishan gave me a worried expression, that I just barely caught in the moon and starlight.

“Has this happened before, recently? I can give you a few days off if you need.”

“No! No, I-I am fine. I do not need any days off. This has never happened before.” Kishan pushed their lips to the side and considered me for a few more moments.

“Okay. I trust you. But, Talyn? Please tell me if it happens again. I won’t make you do something that you do not want to do unless I think you are going to endanger someone. Have a good night. Do get some sleep.” I nodded and they walked past me towards the cabins.

I took the time to let my mind clear. Working through forms I had done a thousand times with the sword, I stopped thinking about any worries I had. Step to the left, stab forward, sweep the leg. I didn’t really have to think about it, they were muscle memory by now, but it helped to keep one stream of thoughts going rather than ten at the same time. By the time I stopped, the moons were near the center of the sky, Telenan presenting as a half-moon just behind Heloind, who usually showed most of itself. Jornial, supposedly the middle child of the moons, was barely able to be seen, as usual. My older brother always liked to tease me by saying I had Heloind’s personality. In the myths, Heloind was the youngest moon, always trying to take the most attention in true youngest child fashion. I shook my head and started back toward the cabins, putting the moons out of my mind. I didn’t have time to entertain thoughts of gods that had either never existed anyway, or couldn’t even take the time out of their immortal lives to interact with their creations. Sleep didn’t come easily that night, but eventually, I drifted off into a dreamless rest.

I do this sometimes! Except, usually, I pretend to be the fictional character. Sometimes, to get scenes right, I act out scenes I'm trying to write (very badly lmao). It's easier to get wording right if I can get into the character's head easier. So, when I need to get something crucial done, I choose a character of mine who would reasonably do that thing, and then adopt their mindset to do the thing. It knocks out two things at the same time! I get a better idea of who I want that character to be and I get my thing done.

sometimes you just have to let yourself be a bit neurodivergent.

i hate going out, it gives me a lot of anxiety and sensory input that i dont like, and i am often forced to talk to people.

so i do this thing on more difficult days, or sometimes just for fun, where i "bring a fictional character with me". i walk and imagine Fictional Character walking next to me. they talk to me, reassure me, hype me up, whatever i need them to do.

today dean winchester came christmas shopping with me. he went over the list with me of stuff i needed to get, told me i was doing a good job every time i finished in a certain shop, reminded me to take a deep breath when i got a little overwhelmed.

and yea. its kinda silly. and i know its just me talking to myself in a different voice, but it Works! especially since all of my special interests/hyperfixations tend to be tv/movie related.

so do what you gotta do to Get Shit Done. stop holding yourself to neurotypical standards. if you need Fictional Character to tell you you're doing a good job, do it! if you need Favourite Singer to walk you to school, do it! yea it might feel silly but you're literally fighting against your own brain to get stuff done every single day. you can have a little self indulgent daydream, as a treat.

GOOD LUCK my friend. It's such a good story and it will 100% ruin you lmao.

also, it's good that you don't remember the movies, they did the story so damn dirty. As someone who read the books first, I am very much not a pjo movie enjoyer, but I am LOVING the tv show so far.

never read the percy jackson books. don’t remember the movies. started watching the series. this is gonna destroy me isn’t it.