Jolene"

“Jolene" 

 Your beauty is beyond compare

I shudder from your Eldritch stare 

With scaly skin and fins of emerald green

cant have sex with my IOS wife because my dick doesn't fit her portussy so now i have to go to the shitfuck apple store and buy the like 200 dollar strapple

I know the idea is likely supposed to be "Arcee has this so she can covertly go see him without risking anyone intercepting their communications" or something, but tbh, "device that warns you Prowl might be approaching" is extremely funny conceptually.

collection of useful things tumblr has taught me:

even if you can't fall asleep, laying down with your eyes closed will still rest your body

you don't have to brush your teeth standing up

you don't have to do any chore standing up, from dishes to showering

you don't have to shower with the lights on

if you can't brush your teeth, flossing and a tongue scraper gets rid of plaque and bad breath

if you can't do that, mouthwash kills a lot of bacteria

eating "unhealthy" food is better than eating no food

you can make the same meal everyday for however long you still want it

some pills come in syrups or chewables if you can't swallow them

kids nutritional shakes can be a quick way to get fuel if you can't eat/don't have time

if walking hurts/exhausts you on a regular basis, canes and rollers are for you, no matter how young you are

we have free will—if doing something "out of the ordinary" makes life easier for you, do it

if you have even a dollar to spare, please consider donating to Alaikum's family.

they're a large family at only 10% of their goal to evacuate, and could use any help you can give!!

dr who’s on first, doctor strange is on second and doctor house is on third. theres no way theyre getting through a single inning

chillin on a Saturday night