I Want Like A Totally Boring Portal Office AU Where Aperture Never Puts People Into Computers And Everyone

I want like a totally boring Portal office AU where Aperture never puts people into computers and everyone just has to put up with working for completely insane company. I’m thinking like Better off Ted or The Containment, the perfect blend of humanity, balls to the walls dangerous science, and rigid bureaucracy.

I just want to watch Chell and Wheatley fall in love amidst a work environment where the standard response to someone getting mauled by a mantis man is filling out an incident report, slapping a bandage on, and getting back to work. Where you constantly have to balance dealing with Caroline’s concerning level of optimism with Cave’s constant angry PA announcements. Like I can’t be the only one who thinks that sounds hilarious.

(And like it wouldn’t have to be but it would be cool if it was pre-Blue Sky so Chell could be the bagel girl who was constantly like “I have to keep doing this cuz it’s my job and that spastic guy is cute but what the FUCK is wrong with this place”)

alone/ at the edge of a universe/ humming a tune

Source: The Simpsons

Wheatley: “If I die during the operation, will you do one thing for me?”

Chell: “Oh, anything, sweetheart~”

Wheatley: “Blow up the hospital.”

Chell: “...Hm... Well, I said I’d do it, so I guess I’ll have to.”

Wheatley: “That’s my girl~”

This is how humanoid Wheatley moves around on his management rail you can’t change my mind

About Atlas and P-body’s Personalities:

((Here’s the second part to my analysis about Atlas and P-body. If you haven’t read the first one, I highly recommend you read it, but If you haven’t then here’s the TL;DR: - Atlas and P-body canonically have genders as stated by the developers. Atlas is male and P-body is female. - They behave like siblings towards each other and GLaDOS treats them like her two disappointing children. - GLaDOS favors P-body over Atlas because Atlas reminds her of Wheatley. - GLaDOS got paranoid about the two becoming close because Chell and Wheatley were close and tried to take her down, so she attempts to split them apart before realizing that they’re too simpleminded to attempt to do what Chell and Wheatley did and stops trying to break their companionship.  And with that out of the way, onto the analysis:  When Atlas is first activated, you can see that he’s rather apprehensive and socially awkward 

As opposed to P-body who is more social and open to trying new things.

So typically when it comes to new things, Atlas will first look to P-body for affirmation before doing something since she seems to be the more extroverted out of the two. 

Although once Atlas gets comfortable with someone, then he becomes a lot more social and affectionate with them as is the case with many shy and socially awkward people.

But typically he’s a lot more introverted and shy when it comes to meeting new people

However, when the people he cares about are in danger, he’s willing to put his life on the line in order to save them and step up to the challenge. 

And since P-body is the more social of the two, she’s more prone to taking on in-group behavior. Especially from the “leader of the pack” which is GLaDOS. So since GLaDOS is freaking out about the bird, P-body also begins to fear the bird as well. It’s like… say a child falls down on the floor and their parent begins panicking and nervously asking them if they’re okay or if they’re hurt. The child will begin to panic because the parent is panicking, so they think it’s serious. While If the parent doesn’t panic, then the kid doesn’t freak out as much because the authority in the room doesn’t really consider it a big deal. That’s the thing about Atlas and P-body, is that they’re basically impressionable children. Atlas looks towards P-body for affirmation because he associates her with confidence and approachability, and P-body looks towards GLaDOS for affirmation because she’s the authority.  Anyway, despite GLaDOS’s panicking, Atlas bravely approaches the bird.

While P-body freaks out. Seriously, GLaDOS freaking out does not make her any less nervous about the situation, but since Atlas has decided to take on the bird, she has no choice but to fight back, albiet reluctantly.

GLaDOS: “Oh God! We’ve lost! It’s over!” And then P-body stops panicking for a moment as she notices a switch and exiles the bird. 

To which GLaDOS is happy. I find it interesting, actually how GLaDOS gives credit to both of them rather than just to P-body. She says: “That was close… Nice hussle, killing machines.” She seems genuinely pleased with the fact that they got rid of that bird and you can see that Atlas is also pretty proud of himself to have impressed GLaDOS when normally she just picks on him. 

It seems like he just wants to earn her approval at the end of the day. I mean, look how quick he is to act once GLaDOS starts freaking out about the bird’s eggs and how he stops when she tells him to stop: “Oh my God, she’s gestating a clone army! Smash them! Smash them and stomp them and…! Wait… I have a better idea.”

It really seems like Atlas just wants to earn mama GLaDOS’s approval at the end of the day, while P-body is more fortunate to have it. Although P-body is a lot more grossed out and squeamish at having to smash enemies while Atlas is more than willing to do some dirty work in order to earn GLaDOS’s love. It’s quite the interesting family dynamic they have.  To end it off, here are their descriptions for the official Aperture Science Collaborative Disposition Test:

I think Atlas has evolved a lot since he was first activated. Before he was pretty cowardly and apprehensive, but now that he’s solved a bunch of test chambers, he’s a lot more willing to step up to the challenge and put himself in danger. Although he’s still pretty shy and apprehensive when it comes to socializing with strangers.  While P-body now tends to analyze things more closely, although she’s still the more social out of the two.))

when i played the game i would have NEVER thought about disabling/replacing GLaDOS’ turrets or shutting off her neurotoxin. but he did!! call me the moron not him!!! the thing is, he was so small and afraid, that when he had the opportunity to become something bigger and better he just wanted to help chell escape. but when GLaDOS’ mainframe finally took over all he really cared about was testing euphoria. in short: it wasn’t his fault at all and he’s sorry!

I get unreasonablely upset when people call Wheatley stupid or a bastard. It's just straight up mean! Is there a concise argument I could use that would change people's perspectives on the matter without having to read your really long posts (no offense, I love them)? Most people who already think that wouldn't go out of their way to probably.

((Well, he outsmarted GLaDOS multiple times by coming up with the plan to sabotage her defenses, have her and Chell walk right into his trap and set up a five part plan to his boss battle that far outdid hers in comparison.

I mean really, GLaDOS had Portal surfaces in her chamber allowing you to access the stalemate button. Not only has Wheatley removed the portal surfaces, but he also put a metal fence in front of it so Chell wouldn’t be able to access it.

So you can already throw the moron argument out the window. It’s not valid. Wheatley observed GLaDOS’s mistakes and improved upon them.

As for Wheatley being a “bastard” or an “asshole”, that was the result of GLaDOS’s chassis corrupting his mind and causing him to lash out. He’s not that way normally, and he’s actually a very friendly and supportive person. You can see how he reverts back to normal and becomes apologetic once he is removed from the chassis. Wheatley is naturally very friendly and kind when his mind isn’t being warped by a corrupt system.

You can also say that GLaDOS’s chassis is an allegory for cocaine in order to strengthen your point about how the mainframe was warping Wheatley’s mind.

Just memorize your points and you should always have something with you to debunk their claims.))