Soontobeinsomniac - Soon-to-be-insomniac

...

Calm down, my dear, calm down, calm down. Do you remember me? Remember me? You were my only and my last love. Calm down, I'm here. Think of me, and I'll be here, with you, because even if we loved eath other for only a moment, it is eternal... Do you remember me? Remember me, remember me?.. Oh, I can feel your tears... Calm down... My dreams are sweet, so sweet, so sweet.

- translation of one of the scenes from "The garnet bracelet" by Alexander Kuprin.

We just read this story in our lit class, and thanks god it was online bc I cried. This is one of the verses for L. van Beethoven. Son. № 2, op. 2. Largo Appassionato, the composition that main character asked to play if the heroine remembered him.

He was hopelessly in love with her for over 7 years, but she was married, didn't love him, didn't want to know him and only saw him as an annoying admirer. For her birthday he sent her a garnet bracelet with stones from one of his family's heirlooms. He never asked her to accept his feelings or tried to pursue her, just for her to be happy. After her husband visited him with the bracelet, returning it and threatening to call authorities, asking to never again approach his wife, he commited suicide. He never wanted to interfere with their lives, but he couldn't get rid of his feelings, and saw this as an only way out.

After his death the heroine read the letter he sent right before it with the permission from her husband, thanking her for being the only light of his life, apologizing for intruding in her life, wishing for her to live happy life and play or ask to play this sonata if she ever remembered him because she loved music and it was one of her favorite pieces. She asked one of her servants to play piano, knowing that it would be that particular piece, and the motives of his letter seemed to entwine into the verses declaring his love for her - and not a hint of bitterness: only adoration and gentleness. She cried and mourned him, the man who loved her with all his heart and couldn't imagine his life without her, and the music kept playing, as if it was whispering the words of comfort from the one that got away.

It was like he swung the door open, stepped through, then looked back, smiled that small, sad, but oh so gentle smile and carefully closed it behind him, quietly whispering his farewells.

There are no villains, no irredeemably bad people in this story - all of them had their own concerns, no one acted out of malicious intents - just so happened that Fate, while trying to weave her canvas, has tangled the strings so bad that it seemed that the only way to fix it was to snap one of them, so she could try to unravel the others. That string just happened to be his.

Some more quotes:

"And now I feel like I so rudely intruded in Your life. If You can, I hope You will forgive me for it..."

"But I won't cause you grief. I am leaving silent and alone, as was foretold by God and fate"

"This is love, the one that God rewarded me with for some reason"

"But what else was left to do? Move to another city? It would have been useless, because my heart would still be with You, beneath Your feet, every moment being filled with You, with thoughts of You, dreams of You, with these... sweet delusions. Frankly, I am very embarrassed and sorry for my bracelet - well, a mistake, really..."

And all verses:

"And now I'll show you the life in gentle chimings, the one that obediently and cheerfully doomed itself for torment, misery and death. No plain, nor blame, nor pain of vanity I did not know. I'm here before you - and with my only prayer: "Hallowed be Your name"

Yes, I foresaw the suffering, the blood and death. And I think the soul and body wish not to part, but still, oh Precious, I sing praise to you, passionate praise and quiet love. "Hallowed be Your name"

Remembering your every step, your smile, your gaze, the sounds of your strides. With sweet sorrrow, oh so quiet, lovely sorrow are coated all my last memories. But I won't cause you grief: I'm leaving silent and alone, as was foretold by God and fate. "Hallowed be Your name"

In my last hours I pray to you. The life could have been wonderful for me too. Don't grumble, my poor heart, don't do it. My soul is calling to death, my heart is singing to you: "Hallowed be Your name"

You, oh you, and all the ones around you, you never knew how beautiful you are. But clocks are chiming, time has come. Dying, in mournful hour of my leave I still sing to you - hallowed be Your name.

There it is, the all-consuming death, but I still say - hallowed be Your name.

...

Calm down, my dear, calm down, calm down. Do you remember me? Remember me? You were my only and my last love. Calm down, I'm here. Think of me, and I'll be here, with you, because even if we loved eath other for only a moment, it is eternal... Do you remember me? Remember me, remember me?.. Oh, I can feel your tears... Calm down... My dreams are sweet, so sweet, so sweet."

OKAY TUMBLR. IT'S TIME TO SETTLE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL.

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Roses without thorns Wings without horns Skin stained in color Still, I grow duller

I've painted a lot of glass wings, and now I want to explore all the possibilities with stained glass wings. What's your favorite type of stained glass? I love nature so anything botanical or starry would be my fav.

The 3 hours long process videos will be DMed on my Patreon on August 5th

コーラ  [Pixiv]

chinese garden in bright summer by 北城君