Sounds-of-my-silence - The Sounds Of My Silence - Tumblr Blog

I'd very much like to punch a feminist.

I’d never, ever hurt a lady but I’d be happy to punch a feminist. It’d bring me great joy.

Link!

reblogging to pose this question to a larger internet base

we have a similar struggle and the thing that we’ve used to get through it so maladaptive and shame based (we pit our conditions against each other and use moral ocd distress to keep ourselves from being late for a lot of things that involve authority figures, but we can’t get ourselves to show up on time for much else)

perhaps the most important question i’ve ever asked:

does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that aren’t weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies

this is just a bunch of text and barely a comic sorry, but i really wanted to talk about this stuff even if i don't have the energy to properly draw

every time I see some bigshot scientist revealed as a fraud my knee-jerk reaction is "hell yeah elisabeth bik got 'em good" AND IM RIGHT

SHE NEVER QUITS!!!!

ICONIC!!!!

I do not want to hear your opinions on moral OCD if you don't have moral OCD. At all. "People are definitely just using it as an excuse to not know Important world events".

I used to watch the news every day and cry myself to sleep at night, at 12, because I was a horrible, unimaginably cruel person for not helping every stray animal, every house fire, every shooting, every flood. I was an unimaginably cruel person for not giving my last dollar I needed to eat to the man panhandling outside, I would eat my instant ramen crying because I was selfish for eating what could've been someone else's food.

Yes, being able to look at events without spiraling is important. But when it starts to happen, it is extremely difficult, if not impossible to stop, without professional support, which many people just don't fucking have! I didn't have a diagnosis until last month, despite this going on for most of my life! Someone filtering a tag on Tumblr and avoiding the news isn't a grand selfish act when it will only make you unable to do anything but spiral.

How are you supposed to help someone if all you can do is have a panic attack at the thought, because others also need the help, and there're probably better ways to help, and maybe you're not helping, maybe this will lead to something horrible... This, on and on and on, for days!

currently maybe possibly single-handedly crashing whatever servers eton hosts its archived student newspapers on because me and a friend are getting obsessed with a single outspoken prefect from 1883

Not a stpd culture however I was wondering if you would be able to explain what Ipseity Disturbance is or if you would be able to provide some resources. I've tried to do some self led research but the terminology confuses me and I just find it hard to understand

Sent in: Aug. 25, 2024

It really is very difficult to understand, because it involves a part of the psyche that’s so deep and fundamental we’re not conscious about it. And in a lot of ways, explaining ipseity disturbance is like trying to explain sexual attraction to an asexual person. The theory of ipseity disturbance is explaining something that schizo-specs inherently lack.

1.) What Is Ipseity?

😵‍💫 Fancy Science Word: Ipseity

😃 Everyday Person Word: Minimal Self

As of science’s current understanding (or conceptualization, there’s really no way to know if these theories about The Self are correct. There’s no way to apply the Scientific Method to see if these theories about The Self are correct. You can’t do brain scans or slice the brain open and see what part is The Self. So theories like the TOSD and Ipseity Disturbance are theories, but they’re both widely accepted theories because they both best explain phenomena that’s going on. That’s just a fun little side note for you.) the The Self is made up of two layers: the Narrative Self, and the Minimal Self.

Let’s use the metaphor of a house. If The Self is a house, the Minimal Self (or Ipseity) is like the foundation, and the Narrative Self is like the framework.

The Minimal Self (or Ipseity) is like the foundation of The Self, because the Minimal Self (or Ipseity) is how you know that You Are You and that You Are Not Anything Else.

For example. You’re sitting on a couch. The Minimal Self (or Ipseity) knows You Are You. The Minimal Self (or Ipseity) knows You Are Not The Couch. You Are Not The Coffee Table. You Are Not The TV.

You’re walking on the sidewalk, and there’s a crowd of people. The Minimal Self (or Ipseity) knows You Are You. The Minimal Self (or Ipseity) knows You Are Not The Other People In The Crowd.

Essentially, the Minimal Self is responsible for understanding exactly where “you” are at any given moment. Ipseity is how you recognize that you Exist and you Take Up Space. But you don’t take up Infinite Space. Your body has a limit. And your brain has to understand that it only control the meatsack it’s contained in. So your brain has to understand exactly where your body is, and where Everything Else Is. Your brain understands that it’s Contained Within The Body, so it has to know where the boundary between Body and World is, that way it knows how to use the body to interact with the world.

You’re hungry, and you have a properly working and functional Ipseity (or Minimal Self). Because your Ipseity (or Minimal Self) knows that You Are You and You Are Not Anything Else, your brain understands that you have to go interact with the World in order to get the food in your fridge into your stomach to stop the hunger. Because of your functioning Ipseity (or Minimal Self) you know that You Are You and the food is Not You. Because of your Ipseity, you know that you and the food in the fridge exist separately, and you have to interact with it to get it into your stomach to stop your hunger.

You’re talking to someone, and you have a properly working and functional Ipseity (or Minimal Self). Because your Ipseity (or Minimal Self) knows that You Are You and You Are Not Anything Else, your brain understands that You Are You, and the person you’re talking to Is Not You. This means that You Are You, and the person who is Not You is talking and sharing their own thoughts and opinions. These are the thoughts and opinions of Not You. You’re listening to Not You speak. You are not both the same person, you’re two different people. You’re having a conversation. You are not both one person thinking to themself.

Ipseity, or the Minimal Self, is responsible for knowing who exactly you are in the most basic way (which is why it’s minimal). Before you can have an identity, you need to know where and how exactly you exist, where and how your body takes up space, how to identity that body so your brain can use the body in the way it needs to survive (eat, sleep, avoid danger, seek help, etc).

2.) What Is Ipseity Disturbance?

😵‍💫 Fancy Science Word: Ipseity Disturbance

😃 Everyday Person Word: Minimal Self Disorder or just Self Disorder

Basically the Theory Of Ipseity Disturbance says: people with schizo-spec disorders lack a functioning Ipseity, or Minimal Self. We have a disordered Ipseity, or Minimal Self.

We are unable to distinguish the I Am Me, And I Am Only Me. Instead, because of our dysfunctioning Ipseity, or Minimal Self, we, in our own perspectives of ourselves, “blend” with our surroundings.

It goes like this:

✅ Someone with a functioning Ipseity is having a bad day. They feel stressed, frustrated and bad. It starts to rain. To the person with a functioning Ipseity, these are two separate things. The bad feelings is One Thing. The rain is One Thing. The rain may even be seen as another, but separate, Bad Thing, depending on how this person views rainy weather. This is because the person with the functioning Ipseity knows “I Am Me, And I Am Not The Weather”.

‼️ Someone with Ipseity Disturbance is having a bad day. They feel stressed, frustrated and bad. It starts to rain. To the person with Ipseity Distubance these are the same thing. There’s no, or a weak, “barrier” between the Person and the Rain, due to the Ipseity Disturbance. A person with Ipseity Disturbance doesn’t know “I Am Me And I Am Not The Weather”, for them it’s “I Feel Bad And It Started To Rain, I Control The Weather”.

✅ Someone with a functioning Ipseity hears a song on the radio that reminds them of their crush. Because they have a functioning Ipseity, they know their internal feelings are Theirs and that the song on the radio is a coincidence. They may think something along the lines of, “oh I’m so cooked, everything is reminding me of my crush. It’s so over for me.” The person with the functioning Ipseity knows their feelings are One Thing, and the song on the radio is One Thing.

‼️ Someone with Ipseity Disturbance hears a song on the radio that reminds them of their crush. To the person with Ipseity Distubance these are the same thing. There’s no, or a weak, “barrier” between the Song and their Feelings, due to the Ipseity Disturbance. A person with Ipseity Disturbance doesn’t know “I Am Me And I Am Not The Song”, for them it’s “This Song Is Proof That My Crush Loves Me Back”.

Essentially this theory explains why schizo-specs perceive things the way that we do. In StPD especially, the reason why we have magical thinking and ideas of reference specifically in the quasi-psychotic way that we do, is because of Ipseity Disturbance, or Minimal Self Disorder. Because we don’t have a functioning Ipseity to tell our brain “I Am Me And I Am Not Everything Else”, coincidence that is unrelated to whatever internal thoughts and feelings we are having get projected on to the outside world.

PwStPD have social anxiety. We walk by a group of people who are laughing. We know- don’t think, know -that they’re laughing at us specifically. This is because our weak Ipseity can’t distinguish between our internal social anxiety and an external coincidence of people laughing.

PwPTSD have generalized anxiety and paranoia. We left our special necklace that protects us at home. We get a flat tire on the way to work. This happened because we weren’t wearing our necklace. Our lack of Ipseity can’t distinguish that these are random things that are happening, that they’re not correlated. But we had anxiety about leaving our necklace at home, so our lack of Ipseity projects this anxiety on to the Bad Thing (flat tire).

This is also why our anxiety doesn’t ease with time and familiarity. This is why we know the monster in the movie we watched is definitely in the other room. This is how we know people we’ve never talked to hate our fucking guts. We’re just constantly projecting our internal experiences, our thoughts, feelings, fears, anxieties, on to the outside world, and when something happens, we read it as something more than what it is, because we lack the barrier between Us And The World that tells us these things have nothing to do with us. We lack the most basic, fundamental, subconscious foundation of what makes You “You” and not someone or something else.

I hope this helps!

Just in case

Hanging with 6 year olds is REALLY funny

I do think the majority of us should strangle the shame that lives inside of us like wringing water from the rag until we are soft and dry and weightless

Maryland Hatsune Miku + Baltimore edition

maryland miku

this made me cry so now i need everyone to see it

average library childrens room tasks

thinking out loud

Ending the stigma of drug use will save lives.

this is too accurate including the flag inside the crab design on the t shirt omg

how do we feel about maryland miku

Not my usual content, but I made something I wanted to share...

If it brings you joy, it’s okay to do things that were forbidden in your childhood. If you’re still a child, it’s okay to plan to do things that are currently forbidden in your household.

Get that tattoo or piercing. Indulge in “childish” activities that were frowned upon as you got older. Crossdress and wear makeup or baggy clothing. Play video games and watch movies that were banned in your home. Age dream or pet regress. Start learning magic tricks or join a Dungeons and Dragons campaign. Wear that queer, punk, or plural pride pin. Go on dates, party, hang out at a bar. Stim or be loud and awkward in public. Reclaim your history in ways that are uplifting and affirming for you.

Our families may have raised us in restrictive ways, but we are not forever bound to their rules and guidelines. If it brings you happiness, please don’t be afraid of being yourself, even if it doesn’t align to how you were raised. How we were raised may have lifelong affects on us, but it doesn’t have to control the ways in which we live our lives today.

Live for yourselves. Your system is beautiful and unique just the way it is. Be rebellious, be authentic, be you!

having a ponder about being aromantic and the kinds of friendships or qprs I might want to have

The worst trick a childhood anxiety disorder pulls is, you spend your early years being applauded for being so much more mature than your peers, because you aren’t disruptive, you don’t want any kind of attention, you don’t express yourself, you keep yourself to yourself - this makes you a pleasure to have in class, etc etc - and you start to believe it’s virtue. But you’re actually way behind your peers in normal social development, and who knows if you can ever catch up.