You Know Im Not Actually 26 Anymore But Because I Have A Shitty Memory And Dont Socialise Enough IRL

You know I’m not actually 26 anymore but because I have a shitty memory and don’t socialise enough IRL I can’t remember if I’m 27 or 28.

I’ve discovered Astarion from Baldur’s Gate 3! But I can’t play Baldur’s Gate 3 because Microsoft still refuses to accept my login password, even though it’s the same login I’ve always had and I’ve never fucking changed it. Why are all the best RPGs on PC? And why is my PC being a little fucking bitch?

See you can tell I need to get my computer to let me in. So I can play the DND game because I’ve gone from Tav X Astarion to Bloodweave to a secret third thing where you combine it all together into a love pyramid and no one else has thought of this which means those people are having fun in the game and don’t have the time to crossbreed pairings.

I really love the idea of a monster pred like a demon or eldritch abomination or dark god that eats souls being confronted by the mortality of a human friend or lover and just going full “no death cannot take you from me I’ll imprison your soul inside me!” Because they sincerely mean it out of love but if you were a bystander who saw an eldritch abomination snarfing down a fatally wounded person you’d be traumatised for life.

That’s not even getting into the awkwardness of if you’re the prey you might not have actually realised the pred could do this or that they would do it to you. There you are just expecting to die like a normal person would in your situation and your friend from your perspective is randomly making a meal out of you. You might think to yourself “is this like how cats eat dead bodies?” Or if your already dead and have said a tearful goodbye with your last breathe tragedy style and then they’ve eaten your corpse or extracted your soul by itself then you had no idea they even ate you and you wake up trapped inside someone else’s mind and body just a passenger along for the ride and your eldritch abomination friend has to awkwardly explain what’s going on and why the rooming situation has drastically changed.

I just really like the idea of a monster with an understandable human motive like grief going about things in a completely inhuman way and because they successfully managed to pass as human or thereabouts up until this point. There’s now a lot of culture shock and existential horror in everyone’s future.

So I hear that writers strike is still going on? While I stand by my belief that Hollywood writing has been going downhill for awhile. I don’t really think this will be improved by plagiarism. A thinking being borrowing an idea and mixing it with others is called being creative, an algorithm sorting through a bunch of ideas and spitting them out in a slightly jumbled format is just plagiarism with extra steps. Now if we ever make sentient and sapient A.I. we can maybe revisit this discussion. But as long as someone can point out exactly which series of images and writings the A.I. was pulling from? And we know damn well the A.I. has no actual sense of self? I’m not buying that it counts as “creativity”. I do think that it’s weird that the Writers and Actors are even willing to go back to a company that admitted to wanting to steal their voice, image and writing style permanently if they just get paid more though. I’d team up with my fellow creative’s and make my own film studio at that point. With blackjack and hookers etc. I mean why would you go back to people that just admitted they want to wear your face as a Halloween mask and would rather see you starved and homeless than give up on said plan of wearing your face as a Halloween mask?

On the topic of sexual orientation though, I’m pretty unsure if I like men or women.

I find it easier to write male preds in the way I want, but I’m not sure if that’s attraction to the male sex rather than the writing potential of the archetypes and mythos built up around the male sex and the fact that male pronouns are slightly less unwieldy to use repeatedly in sentences.

There’s a reason the tongue twister “she sells sea shells by the sea shore” starts with she and it’s cause linguistically “sh” is a bitch of a sound to rangle.

And honestly even though I did experience attraction to women as a teen I’m unsure if that was because my hormones were a raging mess or not. I think it’d be easier to know what I like if it felt like my fetish, you know if it felt obsessive or like it was with me even before my body fully understood what sex actually was.

But as things are I’m not sure I can really tell the difference between aesthetically appreciating someone’s body and sexual attraction at least not without a fetish to fall back on.

I think that’s cause I repressed the shit out of any attraction I did feel to anyone growing up. So now I don’t really know what to do with it. In my defense my hormones always felt completely inconsistent and like they’d freak out over anything so ignoring them was kinda necessary. But I’m wondering if there wasn’t a less maladaptive way to go about it…