Stalebagels - ~careful Icarus~

Well, Apple has officially proved that it sucks. Again.

I recently have been playing Rimworld a lot and so I made a colony and based all of them on the Strike Force. It is a miracle they've survived as long as they have. Here's some of the stuff that's happened since the birth of this clusterfuck because I can't resist sharing it;

(long wall of text below that'll make more sense if you've played the game lol - could be funny out of context though)

- Jon has gotten mauled by mad animals at least fifteen times including by; a rabbit, a pack of nine yorkies, an ibex, and three wolves. Has lost his left eye to an arctic wolf and gotten the plague twice. Has also been shot numerous times and had a lightning strike set both his bedroom and himself on fire. He is a danger magnet and every time I turn around he's downed again. Tamed a rat called Lumpy and a bunch of Megascarabs. Incapable of socializing and honestly same. Saved a muffalo that got struck by lightning and was abandoned by it's trade caravan. Yes he's our animal guy.

- Stephen keeps getting food poisoning and vomiting everywhere - literally the only colonist to get food poisoning four times over in a short period. Got shot once and had his left lung collapse entirely (he's still alive though). Like Jon, a bit of a misfortune magnet but I can leave him unattended for at least a few minutes until he gets food poisoning again. He's also constantly on the verge of starvation. He's primarily the one we use to recruit prisoners aside from Seth.

- Kimmel got his left thumb shot off at some point. The resident chef that for some reason has a rivalry with a child they rescued from the three arctic wolves that took Jon's eyeball and the newest colonist they rescued from the nine crazy yorkies. Considered changing the 7-year-old's name from Maverick to Matt Damon. Unclear if he's the one causing the food poisoning incidents but it seems unlikely.

- Fallon is useless on most counts. Can't do hauling, never cleans, incapable of violence, and his room is a disaster. Someone else has to clean up after him most of the time but hey at least he's teaching that kid we rescued about naughty words. Ironically one of the only ones who hasn't been horribly injured at some point. He does help with cooking sometimes and I would not be surprised at all if it's his fault Stephen's always sick.

- Conan is the other one who hasn't been horrifically injured as of yet. Spends a lot of time researching and is the go-to guy for when traders or visitors come around. Once told Fallon at a binge party that the world would be a better place without him out of absolutely nowhere despite having a friendly relationship and it was the funniest thing I've ever seen. Best friends with a colony recruit named Buckley and now they're our two fastest builders. Makes up for the fact that he's incapable of violence.

- Craig is our marksman and has also unfortunately been maimed by several animals but somehow not as many times as Jon has. He's usually out front during raids because he got his hands on an assault rifle. Has gotten a Yeoman title from some kingdom because he sheltered a lady being chased by a crazy rabbit (not the same one that put Jon in the hospital) so now he has a psylink ability and has to meditate a lot. Probably one of the most productive members because he can pretty much do a little of everything.

- John hasn't been injured either, he's also technically our doctor because he has the highest medical skill out of everyone. This poor guy has had to rescue everyone so many times I don't blame him for being constantly on the verge of a mental break. When Conan is unavailable he's the second go-to for trading and interacting with visitors. He really hated a guy called Robert Thompson that we had to take in for 21 days as part of a quest that didn't work or anything and kept getting injured/sick so John had to take care of him most of the time. This poor guy is the sole reason they're all still alive. The colony child Maverick loves him.

- Seth has the second highest medical skill out of them all so he helps John out with the hospital a lot. He's also great at recruiting prisoners, and so when we have them he's our second warden along with Stephen. He's also "physically appealing" and people are predisposed to liking him so that probably helps with the recruiting thing. He also for some reason has a high shooting skill and after that Robert Thompson quest he got his hands on a mini gun and now he's our most dangerous fighter. Once when he was in the hospital recovering from a raid a power conduit exploded and set his hospital bed on fire.

On a positive note, Jon and Stephen got married and they're all still alive as of right now! Jon did die once to a mechanoid in one hit and I got so upset I reloaded the game shhhh

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (2007) || 18/x

Stephen and Dave 9 years apart