staring-into-thevoid

thewatcher

just watching

112 posts

Don't Mind Me, Just Sat Here..sobbing

Don't mind me, just sat here..sobbing 😭

It's so sad how many people will be able to relate to this, maybe to both sides.

Without you

Fem!Oc x Marko

18+ NO MINORS

TW: Suislidal OC, blood, mental illness, NSFW, 18+

I’m sorry…. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You have been in a relationship with Marko for almost two years now and it’s not like your relationship isn’t good. It is, it’s great. You just have some problems. You have been suffering with pretty severe depression since you were 13 years old, you are 19 now. Along with your depression, you were also very suicidal, though you did your best to hide that from Marko. You didn’t want him to know about it and have to constantly worry about you. You didn’t want to feel like you were a burden to him. You loved Marko with all of your heart, he was the only thing that kept you from going through with any suicide plan that you thought up in your head whenever you were at a very low point… Which was quite often. You put on a pretty convincing happy and carefree facade. You joked around with the other boys and did your best to never let your true feelings show through. Especially not around Marko. Lately though, things had been getting worse for you. It’s not like you were abused at home or anything like that. You honestly had no “real” reason to be depressed. Your brain just didn’t function right. You hated feeling like this. For a while, after you first met Marko and the others, the depression had lifted a little bit and the closer you and Marko got, the more the darkness that clouded your mind brightened. While Marko was a vampire, a creature of the night, he was your sun. He brought a light into your life that you had never believed that you would ever get to see. Whenever you were with him, you could, for a while, forget the world around you. But as always, good things never do last. The dark thoughts started to slink back into your mind, where they once again nested. Before you even realized what had happened, you were blinded by the inky blackness that you had previously come so accustom to. The light that Marko had shined on you dimed until it completely went out.

You were one again back to your old ways of pretending to be okay. Pretending that everything was fine and that you weren’t on the verge of ending it all. As those thoughts began to swirl around in your head, you heard a tap at your window. It was light at first but quickly became louder. Marko. You knew that it was him, it always was. You didn’t bother to acknowledge the sound, let alone get up and open the window. You knew that it was already cracked open and that Marko would just end up opening it and let himself in. Sure enough, you heard your window slide open and the sound of shuffling behind you, signaling that he had done just as you expected. “Babe?” You heard Marko softly call out to you as he moved towards the bed that you were laying on. “Sweets, are you okay?” He asked, climbing onto the bed behind you. Marko moved to look over you so he could see your face. Seeing that your hair had fallen and was covering it, he reached a hand over and brushed it out of the way. You had a vacant look on your face. One that immediately told Marko that something was very wrong. “Lil. Did something happen?” No answer. “Did someone do something?” Still, no answer. Frustrated at not getting a reply, Marko pulled off his gloves, boots and jacket before climbing over you and laying down in front of you. He wrapped his arms around you as he pulled you into him. He had been through this with you once before and it had terrified him. It was the first time he had seen anything like this. While he knew that mental illness was a thing, he had never really witnessed it in person and definitely not from someone he loved. So he just held you. He held onto you for hours until you finally broke out of whatever catatonic state you were in and was able to finally talk to him and tell him what was wrong.

Marko just did the same thing again. While you laid there, looking like you were frozen, your brain was still going haywire. On the outside, you looked like you weren’t all there but on the inside, you were screaming. You were screaming for your body to cooperate with you and move. To let you talk, make any kind of noise, but all you could do was lay there. Luckily it didn’t take as long for you to break out of it this time. You moved slightly at first, but then you wrapped your arms around Marko and buried your face into the crook of his neck. “Can you talk now?” He carefully asked you. You nodded your head. “Yes.” You croaked out. Marko pulled back slightly, just enough that he could look at you. He brought his hand up to your face and started to gently brush his fingers along your skin. “What happened? Was it like last time?” He asked, his voice soft and gentle. “Yeah. It was.” You told him. You wanted to tell him everything that was going on in your mind, but you just couldn’t. You wanted someone to talk to and you wanted that someone to be Marko, but you couldn’t. You couldn’t be any more of a burden to him than you already were. You laid there with Marko for the rest of the night. You had told him not to worry and that it would pass, humans just get like this sometimes. You weren’t sure if he had believed you or not, but he eventually dropped the subject. You and Marko laid there and talked for a while. You were laying partially on top of him, as he had his arms wrapped around you. You leaned up and connected your lips with his. You wanted to be with him one last time. You wanted to feel him and maybe, you may change your mind. Though, you knew deep down that you wouldn’t. Marko didn’t protest as he deepened the kiss.

You and Marko now laid naked, tangled in each other and the sheets. You stared at Marko, engraining every little detail of his face into your memory. You wanted you soak in as much of him as you possibly could. I guess Marko had the same idea, because he spent that time, of you staring at him, staring at you. He was the most beautiful man that you had ever seen in your life. It was like he was made by the gods. Every single one of his features left you in a daze. “You’re so beautiful, Marko.” You whispered to him. This caused a wide grin to take over his face. “You’re beautiful too, sweets. You’re like a breathtaking renaissance painting of the most angelic goddess known to man.” Marko always knew how to make you flustered. He pulled you into a kiss. He could hear your heart skip a beat at his words. As it got closer and closer to sunrise, you knew that he needed to get back to the cave. You didn’t want anything to happen to him because of you. “You should get back, the sun will be up soon.” You told him. Marko pulled you closer to him. “Yeah. I guess I should. I wish I could stay here with you forever, sweets.” He said to you as he buried his face into your neck, inhaling your scent one last time before he pulled away and sat up, grabbing his things and putting them back on. As Marko got up and walked over to the window, he paused. “You’ll be okay, right?” He asked. You nodded to him, wanting to reassure him that everything would be fine, you put on your best fake smile and softly laughed. “I’ll be okay. I think I was just being a bit dramatic.” You told him. “You gonna come to the boardwalk tonight? I can pick you up.” He asked as he slid your window back open. “Yeah, I’ll be there, but don’t worry, I’ll just drive.” You knew you shouldn’t lie to him, but you didn’t want him to worry. Nodding at you, Marko moved to climb out of the window. Suddenly, you got up off of your bed and stopped him.

“Wait.” You told him as you grabbed his jacket and pulled him back to you and kissed him. You put all the love you had left in you into that kiss. Marko responded immediately, sliding his hands down to your waist then running one of his hands up and down your bare back, the other making it’s way to your butt. You wrapped your arms around his neck and threaded your fingers through his hair, playing with those curls that you always loved. Pulling away, you looked into those big doe eyes. “I love you, with all of my heart.” You told him. Marko smiled at you, squeezing your hip with his hand. “I love you too, Lil. Forever.” He told you. You felt your heart flutter at his words. It was bittersweet. You hated that he thought that he would be getting an eternity with you and all the while, you were planning on ending it. Marko finally left to go back to the cave before the sun came up and you had since walked back over to your bed. The last thing you wanted was to hurt Marko. You would never want to cause him any pain, but you yourself were in so much pain. You had tried so hard to fight off the darkness that had surrounded you for so long, but it had finally won. It had worn you down. You pulled the bottle of pills out of your bedside table and stared down at them. You took a deep breath and dug around your bedside table for something else. A blade. You made your way to your bathroom that was connected to your bedroom and over to the bath where you filled the tub. Getting inside of it, the water hot and making you sweat, you opened the bottle and started to swallow the pills. One at a time at first, but you soon were swallowing 4-5 at once. After they were all gone, you held the blade. You put the cold metal to your arm and held it there for a few moments, building up the courage that you would need. You then applied pressure and dragged it along your skin. Mirroring your actions on the other arm as well. You closed your eyes and filled your mind with images of Marko. Wanting him to be the last thing your mind saw.

It was now 10pm and Marko still couldn’t find you at the boardwalk. He had a sinking feeling that he had told the others about, but they just told him to be patient and said that you would probably be there soon. Marko did try to wait, but he just knew that something was wrong. Getting onto his bike, Marko quickly made his way to your house. The second he got there, he could smell it. The air was filled with the sweet and metallic smell of blood. But not just any blood, it was your blood. Marko raced inside to make sure that you were okay, but what he saw when he got to your bathroom was a sight that he wished he could wipe from his memory forever. There, in the tub, the water dyed red with your blood, there you were. His mate. The love of his life. Lying dead in a pool of her own blood. It was clear as day what had happened, but Marko didn’t want to believe it. He didn’t want to believe that you had done something like that to yourself. As he pulled your body from the bloody water, he let out a strangled sob. “No, no, no. Please no.” He cried. “Babe? Babe please, wake up.” Marko pleaded with your dead body, slightly shaking you as if that would wake you up. You were already cold and partially stiff, meaning that you had been dead for hours. Marko sat there on the cold tile of your bathroom floor, holding and crying onto your body. Eventually, after hours of sobbing, Marko had grown quiet. He was still sat in the same spot, but had gone into a catatonic like state. Much like you had last night. Hours passed and the sun started to rise, beams of light coming in through the window, but Marko didn’t move. Even as he started to feel his flesh begin to burn, he stayed in place. He didn’t want to live in a world without his mate in it. He just prayed that in whatever afterlife there was, he would be given the chance to spend it with you.

Don't Mind Me, Just Sat Here..sobbing

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