BEST THING EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BEST THING EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What would happen if Joss Whedon wrote the Never-Ending Story?

What's My Age Again???

     So I know usually I write something personal or whatever once a week, but it is one o'clock in the morning and my mind won't stop quickly thinking about things, so right now I am in a weird insomniac state of mind.  When I can't sleep I usually surf the web or try to find something to do, to take my mind off of not sleeping, because if I just lie in bed doing nothing I tend to start becoming anxious because I am not sleeping and working myself into a panic attack.  So tonight I found a movie to watch called "Pump Up The Volume", which was really amazing.  If you have not seen it I highly recommend it, you could probably find it on youtube, anyway the main thing that I took from it is being a teenager kind of sucks because you are at an awkward stage in your where you are trying to fit in, but also figure out who you are, at least get a good grip on the surface who you are.  There is also the message of finding your voice and standing up for what you believe in and don't be scared to question authority.  

     Anyway after watching this movie I realized it really made me think about things now and what they might have been or seemed like back in the day for people.  "Pump Up The Volume" was released in 1990, I was born in 1991, so I might just be assuming off of the movies about teen angst and finding yourself from the mid 80's to early 90's, but majority of their problems seem to be things I am dealing with now, and I know I am not alone.  Things like sexual orientation, depression, feeling alone, not knowing where you belong, and not really sure who you are.  I know that the age difference between me (21) and the usual characters in these movies (16-18) isn't really that far apart, but out of these movies they make it seem like high school is where these problems usually turn up at.  The thing that makes me feel odd about that at least for me high school wasn't that bad, I actually sort of enjoyed myself at high school.  In the movies they make it seem like you are bullied and ridiculed the most in high school, but I am beginning to believe that something has changed, because I feel like now most people are being bullied and ridiculed after high school in the "real world".  I am not saying bullying isn't happening in high schools, because it totally is happening, but I feel like I might be a late bloomer of it or the "real world" has serious issues with the people in it, maybe it is just me though.  

      I remember hearing from somewhere, I want to say it was a podcast that I listen to that is Aisha Tyler's "Girl on Guy", and I want to say the guest and person talking about this with her was Seth Green, but they were talking about because of  things like the social media and things that bridge generations together, there seems to be a weird smudge on where the line crosses from adolescent and adulthood.  I feel like this topic is something to be talked about, because I feel really confused on what I should and should not know at this point in my life.  I find myself when I am feeling depressed that one thing I harp on myself for is having no idea what I want to do with my life and how unprepared I feel.  After this feeling though I usually then think should I have it figured out or is it ok I don't?  I mean I am 21, what should be figured out right now?  This is something that troubles me, because I wonder if other people have feelings like this and if so was this something that was normal back in the 90's or is this just something we now have to go through for the fear of failing in a world that sometimes feels like it could possibly just collapse?   I know I don't have to say this, but I feel like I should, I was considering removing the part about the world collapsing because it seems very depressing, but I am keeping it in there because that is exactly how I feel sometimes and I can't think of any other way of putting it.  

     Honestly I am not sure if anybody reads these posts because I realize that they are long and I tend to just ramble on about stuff that might seem petty and ridiculous, and it probably doesn't help that they are usually written sort of angsty, crude, and scatterbrained, but if you do read these I just really want to say thank you for taking the time for reading these and if you ever want to say anything, whether it is just saying "I feel the same", or "I don't agree with you", don't be scared to get a hold of me and do so.  I would love to hear other peoples opinions, thoughts, and ideas because I think that is what makes the world beautiful, that everyone has different ideas, opinions and thoughts and maybe if we share them with each other the world could be even more beautiful than it is.

Like seriously this movie is great....  

There are days where I feel exactly like this... 

Smile Like You Mean It...

     It's time for a posts about something completely honest and yet sort of personal. I think I like writing these posts because I can see what my problems are and try to understand them better.  So this one is going to be about something that I do that I don't know I am doing it, until I get irritated with myself.  I have this ability where I detach myself from my emotions.  Writing that down it sounds like a really kick ass X-Men power, but it is not really that cool.  What ends up happening is I have some emotions, usually negative, but sometimes positive, and before I can even show people how I am really feeling I tend to bottle them up and just go into a content mood or pretend to be happy.  I then bottle up these emotions until they are literally spewing out and I tend to become very overwhelmed by my emotions.  Which then leads me into  a weird state of being angry with myself and hating the fact I never really show or tell people when I am angry or sad.  The most ironic thing about it, is when I am mad at someone I tend to blow up, because the person tries to confront me and all these repressed emotions that they made me feel come up and instead of being a normal human being and expressing my emotions like a normal person I lay out how I have been feeling from the first time they aggravated me to the point I am blowing up now.  It's like I am keeping tabs in my subconscious, how fucked up is that?  I know that the whole detached emotion thing is probably a great skill to have, but it isn't that great if I end up blowing up on people anyway.  I just wish that I would just show people when they make me mad and not feel the need to hide it because I feel like if I show it, maybe I am not justified to react the way I would.  I guess by holding on to it I decide whether or not I am in the right for feeling the way I do.  As for bottling up happy feelings, I tend to do this with my family.  Things that excite me and things that excite them are two completely different things.  When I get really excited for something they tend to be like "Oh, ok..." which totally bums me out because then I realize I have just wasted a completely good fangirl session on "Oh, ok...".  So I tend to bottle up my excitement because I feel like sharing it with people who don't care is much more of a waste than pretending I am not that excited for it.  So I guess in conclusion I am just a typical detached Aquarius....