Please This Is So Funny Im Giggling Kicking My Feet

Please this is so funny I’m giggling kicking my feet

.ೃ࿐ "YOU'RE PREGNANT?!": GOJO SATORU

contents: fem!reader. gojo mistakes your period symptoms as signs of you being pregnant. mentions of pregnancy and periods (duh), gojo is an idiot (obviously), innocent miscommunication lol. gets pretty suggestive. anywaysss this is just something i whipped up in my history class.. enjoy.

just because satoru gojo's the strongest sorcerer on the planet, that doesn't mean he's the smartest one—especially when it comes to you.

not too long ago, you got your period, and the cramps have to be the most painful thing you've ever experienced. nestling yourself farther in between the couch cushions, you wrap your arms around your stomach and wince, eyebrows furrowing. somewhere in the background, you hear satoru enter your house and call for you, but your stomach hurts a little too much to allow you to do more than hum in response.

"baby?" satoru calls again, poking his head in the living room and smiling when he sees you. "hey, i'm hom— babe, you okay?"

you open one of your eyes (which was previously squeezed shut) and look at him, a soft whine slipping out from your lips when the pain in your stomach goes up a notch. "hey, 'toru," you mumble, watching him quickly plop down besides you on the couch. his eyes round in concern when he notices how tight your teeth are pressed against each other, and a moment later, satoru scoops you up and holds you in his lap.

"is.. this 'cause of last night?" satoru murmurs, stroking your hair as you squirm in his grip. his eyes are focused on your scrunched-up face as you fidget, struggling to find a comfortable position.

"i dunno," you mumble, assuming that satoru's referring to the way you scurried off into the bathroom the second you and satoru finished round after round in his sheets. funnily enough, your interpretation of the events is starkly different than satoru's.

you had immediately gone to the bathroom because you suspected that your period might've come, and you were right. but to satoru, he had something very different on his mind—especially since last night was the first time you two had fucked without protection.

satoru pauses before replying, face slowly tinting pink as his version of the events settles in. he had no idea your departure from his arms so soon after sex was because you just wanted to check for your period—on the contrary, he thought you ran into the bathroom to check if you were pregnant.

"are you—" he starts, dipping his chin and looking you straight in the eye. satoru's azure eyes carefully take in your expression, studying your features for a sign of what's to come.

you nod. "yeah, i am." on your period, that is.

satoru's eyes widen and the corners of his lips twitch with a smile. "is that why your stomach's hurting?" he whispers, and you hardly spare a thought as to why his reaction was nothing like what it usually was.

"duh," you huff, automatically assuming that he's talking about period cramps. "why else would my stomach be hurting?"

"holy shit, are you kidding?" satoru breathes, eyes lighting up like a child's would on christmas. you make a face, confusion evident all across your features.

"that's not the reaction i was expecting," you note tentatively. satoru's mouth falls open a little and after a moment, he immediately dips his head and kisses you, long and slow. his mouth tastes like spearmint (like always), and something about the way his lips melt into yours feels... different.

"is this better?" satoru whispers, smiling against your lips. you nod, carefully removing your arms from your torso and wrapping them around satoru instead. you nod hazily, more invested in the way satoru's mouth collides with yours than in anything else.

"much better."

"anythin' for my pretty girl," satoru murmurs, eyes softening every time they settle on your face. his hand trails down your waist and settles on your tummy, and he slips his hand underneath your t-shirt and rubs the skin with his thumb. a couple more seconds slip by in silence, with the only sound being the soft breaths you two take in between kisses.

when satoru finally tilts his head up and takes a longer breath, you both open your mouths to speak at once.

"i can't believe i'm gonna be a dad."

"my period cramps feel a lot better."

the two of you stare at each other in silence for a long, long second. you blink and ask, "what did you say?"

satoru tilts his head like a confused puppy, eyebrows lifting in uncertainty. "uh, what did you say?"

you look away, cheeks heating up as you mumble, "satoru, i'm not... pregnant...?" you stare at him blankly, matching the confused look on his face. "i'm on my period, baby. what did you—"

"oh, shit."

"yeah."

five awkward seconds go by until you clear your throat and smile up at him hesitantly. "i mean... d'you want a kid?"

satoru's face somehow goes even redder, which you didn't know was even possible. after a moment, he nods, and the subtle movement is enough for you to grab his face and pull him in to kiss you again—and you stay like that for the rest of the night.

i can’t breathe over this tiktok yall omg omg omg

Whatever you do, don’t think about your fave masturbating to the thought of you. Don’t think about the way they whine and whimper your name. They way they buck their hips and bite their fist so they aren’t too loud. They way they— *gunshots*

Okay but like... JJK noses are just begging to be sat on. Don't come for me..... I DON'T MAKE THE RULES, I'M JUST SPREADING FACTS(/the horny)!!!!!

so true bestie

Yeah so...

I need this man to slap me across the face and fuck me dumb.

五夏 2023