Maybe This Is What Happens When You Grow Up, You Feel Less Joy.

Maybe this is what happens when you grow up, you feel less joy.

The urge to become the most successful woman in my family, being that rich girlboss single aunt to my siblings’ kids, owning a whole company and a closet full of designer stuffs, becoming the woman of my wildest dreams, buying a house and turning it into a home with all the books that exists in this planet, becoming the hardest working woman the world has ever seen but also the urge to have a simple life with my pasandeeda mard, roaming around the city- me wearing my mom’s 20 year old saree with a little black bindi on my forehead because he once said i look prettier with bindis on while he’s in a kurta that he wanted to match with my saree’s colour, having evening walks in our little terrace- our hands intertwined and two cups of coffee accompanying us, lying down on his lap while i re-read my favourite book on a lazy afternoon- his fingers caressing my hair, his eyes reading mine while mine lingers around the pages of the book, writing him poetries or gifting him a diary filled with everything that i admire about him because my tongue is too weak to express what my heart feels. Is it possible to find someone who wouldn’t get eaten alive by my roaring ambitions?

Delhi book fair

ive seen tags like “rapekink” and “rapedoll” here (while searching for a tag related to “rape protest” for my last post) perhaps there is worse. i feel sick. i want to puke my guts out. because what the fuck? there are people out here not even normalising but straight up romanticising rape???? and that isn't even the worst of it, these are minor girls who are making these types of violent inhumane crimes into something to be desired. god knows how many depraved men are out there preying on these half developed girls and their vulnerability. ive seen teenage girls reading coleen hoover books where the author herself writes about domestic violence and abusive relationships, targeted demographic being teen girls who's brains are likely half developed and market it to them as romance, normalising it all. god knows how many coleen hoovers are out there feasting on their young brains and filling it with sick and twisted ideas of love and romance. it sickens me it all sickens me. the idea of violence towards women being romantic is something as bad as gore, porn should be banned and so should the online reading platforms like wattpad which encourage violence against women, stop romanticising it. it's not romantic. it is criminal. ban these pornbots, ban these porn accounts, please for the love of god humanity is dying.

Boring day, an unknown future, and an irregular sleep, the days pass and nothing new.

Mahmoud Darwish