Thinking About Fuck Buddy Jake... ( )

thinking about fuck buddy jake... (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)

₊˚⊹ pairing❥: jake x female reader

jake's sex drive is extremely high. he can't remember the last time he was able to go a week without it, he's always horny so he's grateful to have you to accompany his needs when he calls. he loves a good quickie and doesn't really care where you do it. fucking you when and where you're not supposed to gives him a pleasurable adrenaline rush, and he's really good at not getting the two of you caught. ♡

you've fucked in numerous peculiar locations; the couch at his grandparent's house, a victoria's secret fitting room, a playground late at night, his little brother's closet— listen... being squished on his lap for an hour during hide and seek wasn't going to end any other way. you surprisingly haven't done anything in a movie theater yet, but he absolutely plans on it.

jake's favorite place to fuck you is definitely in his car where you can get loud as ever. he loves taking you to the back, bending you over and pounding your pussy until the seats get sticky with sweat and cum, the windows get so fogged up from both of your hot heavy breathing combined.

fuck buddy jake will always give you head before fucking you. he has the most plump, voluminous lips that make you feel better than any toy can. he'd whisper against your cunt that aches for him, spitting on it and smearing the saliva around with his digits to prepare you for his tongue+fingering combo. the way you look down at him with so much adoration when he's in between your legs makes him crazy hard, and it feels so good to give his cock slow strokes as he french kisses your pussy. he keeps a certain length to his hair solely because he loves how you run your fingers through it while he makes soft suctions on your sensitive clit, how you grip it hard to grind against his soft lips before cumming in his mouth.

you never cared for australian accents until you met your fuck buddy jake. the way he speaks is just saurrr sexy, his tone is soft and sweet with you and it makes a complete pool in your panties. you easily do anything he asks. he thinks it's so cute how embarrassingly wet you get from his voice alone, so he makes sure to talk you through your orgasms as much as he can when you fuck. most of all, jake loves to call you his good girl, it's his favorite line of praise. "you look so pretty taking my dick. you wanna be a good girl and cum for me?" he'd talk your head off during missionary, showering you in filthy compliments.

fuck buddy jake likes to text you consistently. sending good morning & goodnight texts just feels right to him, and he always insists you text that you made it home safely after you leave his place. he's the first person you send selfies to before you post them on social media, and of course he gets the exclusives, if you're picking up what im putting down. you two exchange nudes and sext back and forth during late horny hours, he desperately fucks his fist in his bed to the nasty messages that pop up on his screen. he likes to send you videos of him stroking his dick and cumming all over his abdomen with his face in the frame, you save and touch yourself to them when he's not able to come over ❤︎₊ ⊹

fuck buddy jake loves to mark your body, even though you're not officially his. he'd hungrily bite and suck on the sweet spots of your flesh, creating dark bruises in places only he gets to see. not your neck since its too obvious, but your tummy, in between your thighs, and his favorite place— your tits. he hates when you wear tops that expose your chest and will pull up your top when nobody is looking, because all his hickies reside there, which are only for his eyes only.

fuck buddy jake is a whiney moaner, he just cannot help himself with the way your warm walls grip and tighten around his cock. he gets really high pitched and breathless, really loud when he's about to cum. "shit, oh fuck you feel so good. im gonna cum inside you," he'd moan pathetically, throwing his head back as unbearable bursts of pleasure pulse through his body. the groans he makes during sex are probably your favorite part of the entire thing, they're needy and dramatic. when giving him blowjobs you purposely continue to suck and tease his tip after he cums, just to hear him whimper and beg you to stop because he sounds so cute >؂•̀

jake tries his best to last for you, but sometimes he physically can't. you love how easily he leaks his seed though, it's kinda hot... especially because his load is always so excessive and messy. he'll use a condom depending on if you want to, but you almost never do, you love to fuck raw thanks to your handydandy bc pill. his pull out game is terrible... but to be fair, the warm sensation of his semen shooting up inside you feels too good to ever want something between the two of you.

fuck buddy jake cares alot about your pleasure. with his past bodies all he cared about was getting his own nut, but with you its different. when you first started messing around, he read books and took notes on female anatomy to make sure he knew exactly how to make you feel good, how to thrust, where to lick, where to grope, where to suck. you'd think he was a virgin after going through his search history; "how to make a girl cum from head" "how to make her squirt" "how do you find a girl's gspot?" he knows better than to learn from porn. he gets so carried away like a complete nerd, sitting and watching educational sex videos for hours at night with his dick hard, planning what he'll do to you the next day.

fuck buddy jake calls you his girl/girlfriend jokingly, but deep down inside there's meaning behind it. he's had the gushiest crush on you ever since the first day you met, and having secret sex nearly every day only deepened his infatuation for you and made him fall in love. however, he would never confess unless you hinted at it first. he has a great fear of rejection and would hate to make things "weird" between the two of you if you didn't want something more than just moaning each other's names behind closed doors.

all he can do is cross his fingers, hoping that one day his dick game will make you cum to your senses.

(yes, that was a pun pls LAUGH)

𝘴𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘯 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯!

🏷️ @emowonz cornered and bullied me to drop bye

reblog if you enjoyed <3 pretty please💕 i'll do heeseung's tmrw most likely. have a goodnight/day/evening babe

boys and their toys

𝜗𝜚 THEME: angst (+ hints of fluff) 𝜗𝜚 PAIRING: idol!wonwoo x fem!reader, established relationship 𝜗𝜚 WORD COUNT: 1.9k

SYNOPSIS: fighting with you has to be one of wonwoo’s biggest nightmares, so when you reset his game - will that be enough for him to finally lose his temper?

natalia’s note: i know you can’t technically pause a game, so this is probably going to be big highly inaccurate, forgive me gamer people ://

“did you touch my computer?” 

uh-oh. no “darling”, no “love”, not even a “baby”. that couldn’t mean anything good. 

you turned off the stove, and quickly wiped your hands. it was honestly amazing how the lack of your usual pet name made you spiral because why did your heart start beating so fast all of a sudden, but… did you touch your boyfriend’s computer today? you never had the reason to, it’s not like you shared his passion of gaming, so you never really touched it or did anything with it. even if you wanted to check something you always did it on your own computer or your phone. 

“yes, wonwoo?” you asked slightly out of breath, peeking into your bedroom. 

your boyfriend sat at his gaming chair with headphones covering one of his ears, his brows furrowed and lips pursed out, as he was typing something furiously on his new purple keyboard. “i paused the game before i left for practice today,” he said, and by his cold tone you figured you wouldn’t like what you were about to hear, “and now it’s gone.” 

he finally turned his head to look at you, and to be honest, you’d rather he’d turn back to the computer screen. wonwoo was never the one to pick fights with you, he always insisted on cooling down and spending some time apart to gather your thoughts so no one would end up hurt, and even during the biggest fights you’ve had in your relationship, you’ve never seen him so outwardly furious. 

suddenly self-conscious, you wrapped your arms around yourself. “i don’t know what happened. i didn’t touch anything.” because you didn’t, you were certain of that. “you know i never use it anyway.” sure, you cleaned today, you had your day off, and with wonwoo at work you didn’t have anything else to do, so you figured it’d be the perfect time to do some cleaning and dusting. but there’s no way you reset his game, right? 

“my keyboard is clean, so you had to do something with it,” wonwoo said, his brows furrowing even more. you didn’t like the way his eyes seemed to darken, and you certainly didn’t like the tone of his voice. he wasn’t yelling at you, but then again he was always so soft spoken with you that you weren’t used to hearing him being so cold. 

“i was cleaning, but i didn’t press anything,” you said quickly. “i swear.” 

“you must’ve, because clearly the game had been reset,” he scoffed. “how many times have i told you not to touch my computer when a game is on? is it seriously so hard to understand?” 

you couldn't believe what you were actually hearing. wonwoo, your wonwoo was calling you dumb? “it was an accident,” you straightened your spine, and walked further into the room. “i wanted to clean the keyboard for you since you have been complaining about it being dirty for days now. maybe if you weren’t so lazy you would've done that yourself,” you loved him with all your heart but you wouldn’t let him disrespect you over something as stupid as a video game. “i wanted to do something nice for you, and you know i’d never do anything to your game on purpose.” 

for a second you thought he’d say something back, but instead he only shook his head, and covered his other ear with the headphone. 

you couldn’t actually believe him.  

like an idiot, you stood in the middle of the room in disbelief. you didn’t know why he was so pissed about it, sure - you knew how much time he spent to get to the level he was on, but it was still just a game. besides, his behaviour was so unlike him, and it made everything so much worse. 

“have fun playing your games, wonwoo,” you said, though you weren’t sure if he heard you. not that you cared. you quickly gathered your things, and left his apartment. there was no way you'd stay there, and act as if nothing had happened. 

after a couple of days of radio silence you weren’t sure what to do next. 

it’s not like you would call him or text him or anything - it was his job to man up and apologise, but a part of you, the part that always cared for him no matter what, really wanted to check up on him, which you weren’t sure how you felt about. he was the one to make you feel like the smallest person on earth, he was the one to make you feel like you did something wrong, so why did you feel responsible for checking up on how he was doing? 

you didn’t want to make any excuses for wonwoo, that didn’t feel right, but… you really wanted to talk this out. you had never gotten in a fight where you spent so much time apart - even when you fought when he was on tour you still managed to make up rather quickly. 

and soon you started noticing the small things you were starting to miss. his glasses laying around the apartment, and him running around trying to find them before work. his arms wrapped around your waist as you’d be cooking dinner. his featherlight kisses he’d place on your forehead after coming home late thinking you were already asleep. 

for someone who insisted that fighting with you had to be one of his biggest nightmares, he was being really stubborn. 

you sighed and waddled over to your kitchen to make something to eat. after your fight you really lost your appetite, but you knew you shouldn’t treat yourself so harshly after what happened. to be honest you generally lost the motivation to do anything.

just when you managed to put the pan on the stove you heard a loud knock. the sun had already set, and you felt more than ready to call it an early night after dinner, nor did you expect anyone to come over. “yes?” you opened the door a bit hesitant. a small part of you was hoping it’d be the person you were really starting to miss at this point, but to your disappointment it was a delivery guy, the last person you’d expect to pop up at your front door. 

“i didn’t order anything,” you said, frowning. your first thought was that it simply had to be a mistake, but then you noticed that the bag the guy was holding was from one of your favourite chinese places. well, whoever ordered it had a great taste. 

“is this your address?” he asked and showed you his phone with yes - your exact address. 

he did not just order you takeout. 

“who was this ordered by?” you asked immediately. 

“um, let me check,” he muttered, “jeon wonwoo.” 

you thanked the guy, and took the bag from him. 

and it didn’t stop there. 

for the next couple of days you were greeted with a delivery guy at your door at the exact time you usually ate your dinner. you always thanked them and took the takeout because free food is free food, and if this was wonwoo’s way of being stubborn then so be it - you wouldn’t let the food go to waste just to be petty. 

but you wouldn’t lie - anytime you were greeted by the amazing smell of your favourite food your heart beat a bit faster. wonwoo has always always been a man of silent acts of service, and it never failed to make you feel loved, even now when you were fighting.

the day after the city had been struck by a storm. it was bad, the rain was pouring for the whole day, and you could hear the thunder constantly rumbling in the distance. thankfully you didn’t have to go out that day, but it made you miss wonwoo even more. you always used to cuddle on days like these if he was fortunate enough to have some time off. 

when you got the weverse notification you picked up your phone, and clicked on the app immediately, a reflex you picked up early in your relationship, and read the message your boyfriend posted. 

make sure to bring an umbrella with you today. and if you’re going to drive, be careful  

you didn’t have to think twice to know he wrote this thinking about you. anytime it rained, even if it was a drizzle, he turned into a worried mum, and nagged you about being careful and bringing an umbrella with you, as if he didn’t put it in your bag before leaving for the schedules for you. 

after a week and a half after you stormed out of wonwoo’s apartment you were starting to settle into your little routine of coming back to an empty home, getting the takeout, and eating it alone in your bedroom, where you could feel your boyfriend’s presence more than anywhere else in the house. if you were feeling extra sappy that day you wore one of his hoodies to make yourself feel even more miserable. 

but something changed that week. 

you just closed the door with another takeout when you got the message you were waiting for all of those lonely nights. 

can we talk?  please

maybe you should’ve been more stubborn, and ignored his message. maybe you were wrong for typing out a “yes”, but you didn’t care. it didn’t mean you’d forgive him, you were still very much angry at him, but you needed to see him. needed to see if he was okay. 

i’ll come by after work tomorrow  eat well 

you smiled at your phone with teary eyes as you noticed one more thing you were missing. his stupid “thumbs up” emoji he put in half of his texts. 

you weren’t sure what to expect the next evening. you didn’t know if you’d start yelling at him or if you’d start bawling your eyes out after seeing him after what felt like an eternity. what you were sure of was that you were nervous as hell, which was kind of ironic because you didn’t even feel that way before your first date. 

this time when you heard the knock on your door you knew it wouldn’t be the delivery guy. 

sort of.

“i brought food,” wonwoo said, as if that was what mattered to you. 

he looked bad. the dark purple circles under his eyes. the slumped wide shoulders. the cheekbones more prominent than ever. tearing your soul apart would hurt less than seeing him like this. 

“will you…,” he took a shaky inhale, looking at you from behind his glasses. you had to resist the urge to grab his face and adjust them, as they were sitting crookedly on his nose as usual. “will you let me apologise?” 

“that’s all i’ve been waiting for you dumbass,” you sighed, and grabbed his hand to pull him inside your apartment. 

even though you didn't know how this night would end, whether you would be able to forgive him today, or if you would need more time for everything to go back to normal, you were glad to have wonwoo by your side. you were convinced that the fight happened for a reason, whatever it may have been, but despite everything, you were happy that you could go through it with him.

taglist (if you want to be added, check my masterlist): @jeonghansshitester @weird-bookworm @sea-moon-star @hanniehaee @wonwooz1 @byprettymar @edgaralienpoe @staranghae @itza-meee @eightlightstar @immabecreepin @whatsgyud @hyneyedfiz @honestlydopetree @vicehectic @dkswife @uniq-tastic @marisblogg @aaniag @daegutowns @carlesscat-thinklogic23 @embrace-themagic @ohmyhuenings @nidda13 @hrts4hanniehae @k-drama-adict @isabellah29 @f4iryjjosh @bangantokchy @mrswonwooo @bangtancultsposts @lllucere @athanasiasakura @onlyyjeonghan @haecien @caramyisabitchforsvtandbts @hannahhbahng @valgracia @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @mirxzii @hhusbuds @wonranghaeee @rosiesauriostuff @gyuguys @tomodachiii @veryfabday @lilmochiandsuga @asasilentreader @mrsnervous @bewoyewo @sharonxdevi @wondipity @gyuguys @raginghellfire @treehouse-mouse @waldau @wonootnoot @hellodefthings @dokyeomkyeom @sourkimchi @bbysnw @hoichi02 @aaa-sia @haneulparadx @minvrsev @zozojella @wonootnoot @kimingyuslover @wntrei @honglynights @jihoonsbbygirl @uhdrienne @bloodcanbehot 

idol!wonwoo x idol!reader

small instances where both of your fanbases start to notice lingering looks between the two of you until it becomes so much more

a/n: this isn’t much but i had fun writing it, lmk what you think! :)

pt 2

the first interaction is when you’re presenting an award that seventeen happens to win

as you and your co-announcer pass out awards, your fingers brush against his as you congratulate him, and he flashes a smile at you

both of your fan bases were quick to screen grab the interaction, and it very quickly became a cherished moment of more to come

it was closely followed by a different interaction where both of your groups were talking on stage, and you were moving to the side and had tripped over the length of your gown

he was quick to catch you by the elbow to steady you on your two feet

the people around you gasped and moved to make room

which left a spotlight on the two of you

it was slightly comical the way you both looked at each other before turning to the audience with shy smiles

wonwoo stood behind you the rest of the time on stage

when it came time to leave, he offered you his arm as you stepped off the stage

with a bright smile his way, you accepted and walked off together

fans nearly had a heart attack

since then, people would point out almost every interaction between the two of you

if you would be in the same room and happen to make eye contact

during a game competition, you two get paired up together, and safe to say, you demolish the rest of the teams

wonwoo is an extremely smart man, and as are you a smart person, and after the episode airs, fans make memes on how you both make a dangerous and powerful duo

you were both quick to devise a plan, hushed whispers in the few seconds you had together, his shoulders shielding you from the rest of the room from where you both stood

your mics caught your plan clearly, and fans were impressed by how in sync you both were

he worked with distracting other people, making it seem like he was the one they should look out for

however it was you who gathered information and the hidden objects you were supposed to find to complete your mission

in the end, not only were you both able to complete your mission, but you were also able to hide the other object other groups were supposed to find, making it near impossible for them to find

the prize you both won was a coupon to a nearby cafe

it was adorable the way you both cheered in excitement for the coupon, wonwoo even raising your hands clasped together in the air in celebration

you would have thought that you both couldn’t afford your own coffees with the way you both cheered

the video ended with vlog footage of you both walking to the cafe

you held the camera in your hands facing you as you both walked to the location, camera tilted up to capture wonwoo in the frame

fans were surprised to see the way that wonwoo joked with you and tugged on the end of your hair to catch your attention to point to a billboard with your group in it

he took the camera from you to capture a shot of you smiling and posing in front of the billboard

when you took the camera from him, you also made him pose in front of the billboard, which was comical since you couldn’t see much of his face due to his hat and mask, but he did make a peace sign when posing to amuse you

he opened the door for you and stood behind you in line, even crouching down slightly in order to hear your answer when he asked what you were going to order

when it was your turn to order, he walked forward to place your orders before handing the cashier the coupon you both worked hard for

wonwoo even paid for the difference despite you trying to pay, and he stepped in front of you to block your way from the pin pad

you both sat down at a small table in the corner of the cafe side by side so you could both be in frame, and you rated the coffees you had bought

you weren’t the biggest fan of your own coffee, stating that it was slightly too bitter, and he was quick to switch out your straws and give you his cup

the video ended with you both waving goodbye, and safe to say, the video was trending for a week

when you posted a selfie together after the episode aired, it quickly became your most liked image on instagram

wonwoo also posted a different picture of you together standing back to back with your arms crossed

he captioned it “partner in crime”

you commented “dream team”

other svt members would comment under your posts demanding a rematch and wondering how they won

wonwoo would comment the shrugging emoji in response 🤷🏻‍♂️

you once post a picture if you out in the city

a few days later wonwoo posts a picture taken of him holding a camera, and fans were quick to notice the similar locations you were both in

when at other music events, there was footage of you waving to him from your seats with your group, and him shyly waving back

later when he walks with the rest of svt on the red carpet, fans notice him wearing a ring with the top facing in, and it’s not until he waves that people capture your initial on it

on your birthday when you post a clip of someone recording you with a cake while people sing happy birthday, fans swear they can hear wonwoo’s voice singing amongst the rest

one day you post the cutest kitten on your instagram page, showing your fans how you recently adopted a cat

a few months later, wonwoo posts a selfie of the same colored cat, only slightly bigger, sitting on top of an open book (presumably the one he was reading)

fans once spot you both visiting a bookstore and they just about died when they saw you walk out with the same book

at times, sometimes wonwoo is spotted exiting your company building while other times you are exiting his

fans are waiting for the collab tbh

you are both extremely private people, and any interactions you have together publicly has fans eating it UP

rumors of your potential relationship are all anyone talks about leading up to major events where both your groups will be attending

wonwoo surprisingly is the one to confirm the rumors two years later when he posts a mirror selfie of the two of you on your birthday with a simple cake emoji

the internet broke

You start dying the day you are born.

Memories of a relationship A man traversing grief and single fatherhood at the same time

Featuring: Togame.J x F!Reader

Contents: NSFW MDNI, one smut scene, fluff to heavy angst, hurt w/o comfort, ambiguous/open ending, pregnancy&birth, set post-canon, part two set in Togame’s pov, major character death, implication of suicide(Togame), heavy grief, self-induced vomiting(Togame), girl dad!Togame, not beta read

WC: 10k

Part 1

[January 15]

It was a cold winter and the soft blue mohair scarf tucked your neck away from the snowy breeze. The sun does little to warm the earth. Cafe signs read Festive Lattes, with the promise of bringing heat into bellies. You shivered and the hand around yours slightly squeezed tight. Togame releases himself from your grip to tighten your scarf, lifting the edges to cover more of your face. When he’s done, he kisses your nose, making you giggle uncontrollably. Flecks of snow cover his black hair like a string of lights. Your fingers skim the icy air when you reach up to brush his hair, melting the white away. His emerald green eyes crinkle and wrinkles form at the corners as he looks upon you with his heart. A milky swirl escapes his mouth when he talks.

“Don’t get sick.” 

“I won’t.” 

[May 2]

Water drips off the umbrella that Togame is holding between the two of you. Standing on your tippy-toes you pluck the sunglasses off the tip of his nose, you place them on your own. 

“How can you see with these on? It’s raining, you know?” Squinting your eyes to make out the pole of the street lamp. 

“I can see just fine.” 

“Why do I feel like you’re lying?” 

“I would never lie to you.” He scratches his chin trying to sound nonchalant about what he said, but his tone is far from the truth. 

The truth is, he lives by those words– Togame would never lie to you. I won’t look away and stay true to myself!! He won’t look away and run, he’ll stare at you even if you burn the sight out of his eyes. He never knew life could be this bright for someone like him until you came along, forced your way into his world, and made it your dwelling. If Choji was his sun– you had to be greater than that, you were one of those stars millions of miles away that make the sun pale in comparison. The orange ombre shades are tilted, it’s too big for you. The corner of his lips tugs up into a smirk, he grips the bridge of the sunglasses and pulls them off. His heart stutters when he sees you directly looking into his eyes. 

[June 30]

Love Love Love Love Love

Togame can’t count how many times that word slipped out of your mouth. You lay beside him on the attic floor as you tell him about all the things– everything you love. From your favorite color to what shoes you want to buy. On the other hand, he doesn’t remember if he ever said that word before. There was a lack of love in his life, in his teens, most of his attention went to Shishitoren and becoming strong. To be strong is to be free. Togame believes he has yet to overcome the barriers that prevent him from giving and receiving affection. All the relationships that he “fell in love” in only brought him pain. 

But he was at ease laying on the creaking wooden floorboards in the cobwebbed dingy attic. His past partners told him he was never enough and he considered that the bleak truth, he just wasn’t cut out for love. What he’s feeling next to you is vivid and it explodes through every vein that makes up his body. Every cell in him is trying to connect to yours like magnets.

“So, what do you love?” You turn your neck to look at him. 

“I…” he pauses, “...I love…you.” 

You give him a cheeky smile, “Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?” 

“Do you not want to?” His lips remain parted. 

“I want to…but I’ve already been calling myself your girlfriend.” 

You laugh. He laughs.

[August 14] 

Even during the night, the air is still hot and humid, sticking to his bare skin. Sand nestles itself into the crevices of your feet and knees and sweeps through. You rest your head on Togame’s shoulder, the towel wrapped around the both of you soaks up the water dripping off your hair. Daybreak is quickly approaching, the sun is going to rise soon. It was a last-minute decision to go to the beach, Togame and you swam until the sun came up. You can still smell the saltwater when he wraps an arm around your shoulder and pulls you closer to him. Shifting, your legs bump into his. 

It was a sight to behold, the bright rays spewed over the rippling sea, creating multicolored spots along the surface of the water. “It’s pretty…” You mumble, nuzzling into him. Togame replies, “Yeah, it is.” But he wasn’t looking ahead, he was looking at you. He swears he’s in the presence of an angel, a mystery in this world that can’t be explained by human intellect. How can a being be so perfect? Togame thought. 

Togame never considered himself a sentimental dreamer who fancies romance, but at this moment he’s thinking about all the future moments you’ll share with him, ones just like this. You sneeze and he pulls you into his lap, wraps his arms around you, and spills his warmth into you. The sky continues to blaze brightly.

[November 3] 

“It’s alright.” You softly murmur. 

Clothes were strewn across the floor, spread about in heaps. Sweat drips off Togame’s hair and splatters on the skin between your breasts. He’s had sex before, sex with people he thought he was in love with, sex with girls in bar bathrooms, but it all pales in comparison to what he’s going through right now. He strains himself still so he doesn’t come undone from only entering you like a teenage virgin boy having his first time. Togame reopens his eyes when you caress his jawline, he tightens his hand around yours, pressing it into the sheets as he steadies himself. His muscles contort when he rolls his hips, a breathy exhale and he feels his eyes roll back into his skull. 

The sensation was better than he could’ve ever dreamed of, your warm walls wrapped around him snugly. You weren’t faring any better, soft mewls bounce off the walls of his bedroom as he fucks deeper into you. Neither of you rushed to have your first time together until the build-up and tension finally broke the dam. When you couldn’t stop craving Togame and he couldn’t stop craving you. 

He felt your nails crawl along his spine. 

“Jo…” You whimper when he nudges your cervix. Upon hearing his name, he dives down for a kiss. A hungry and passionate desire, eating up all your moans, swallowing every sound you make. Togame hears a symphony when you chant his name as you near your orgasm. You wrap your legs around his waist and he hugs you into his chest as you two groan into each other’s ears. There isn’t a single millimeter separating your bodies. Only skin, tissue, and bones separate your hearts. 

[December 25] 

Children sing choirs, holiday banners are strung up all around town, and the snow packs on top of the grass. On the kitchen counter, two cups of hot cacao emit steam. Holding each handle in your hands, you walk back to the couch. 

“Here.” You place one in front of Togame who is wrapped up in a funny patterned blanket. A gag gift from one of his friends; cats wearing Santa hats. “Thanks, baby.” He blows on the surface, moving the chocolatey milk concoction.

You sit down on the couch next to him, pulling a throw over yourself as well. A white fuzzy material, the warm mug heats your hands. The heater broke earlier this morning and no nearby businesses are open and working during Christmas. So, you have to endure it until the next day. Thankfully, your boyfriend was as hot as a furnace. He double-wraps you with his blanket and snuggles up to you. 

Despite the cold, you had fun. Ripped wrapping paper stuffed the trash bin to the brim. The gifts Togame and you got each other laid on the coffee table with the plate full of gingerbread men cookies you two decorated together. He made you and forced you to eat the cookie because he said he couldn’t bear to eat you in cookie form. 

“You tired?” He noticed your wide yawn. 

Blinking slowly, you reply, “Yeah.” 

Togame hums and lays down on the couch, opening his arm for you to lie on his torso. You immediately crawl on top of him and plop down, basking in his body heat, you sigh. He chuckles and his chest rumbles against your head. “Rest up, darling.” 

[February 16] 

You currently watch Togame giddily dart around the kitchen trying to remake a dish he learned for you. He had picked up a job as a chef and was excited to show you all his new skills. Squeaky clean knives are placed on the countertop as he pulls the kelp around the fresh orange salmon. Resting your face on your hand, “What’re you going to make, Jo?” You ask. 

“Ochazuke (green tea over rice).” He responds while pre-heating the oven. 

Togame repeats what the seniors at work taught him– unwrapping and placing the salmon onto the baking sheet. He turns to skillfully chop the scallions, displaying his new ability. You giggle at the view. When the salmon turns crispy, he brews the tea. Rice, furikake, a pickled plum, and the salmon are placed in two bowls. “Watch.” You lean over and he pours the tea in, submerging all the ingredients in a light broth. 

“Can I get a kiss for my hard work now?” He turns his cheek to you. 

You laugh and press a chaste peck on his cheekbone. 

[March 24] 

Petals float into his eyes as he squeezes through the crowd, most are donning capes and caps. Togame eyes dart around trying to find you at the meetup location you informed him of. An hour ago, you walked across the stage and got your diploma. “Jo!” He snaps his head to where your voice came from and sees you speed over towards him. The cloak enveloped you so perfectly, like a veil. “Jo, I was looking for you.” He smiles, you look so proud and happy, the years paid off, “Me too.” He would always look for you. This love nurtured him, he’ll love you forever.

“Was it really okay for you to take today off?” You fret. 

“They didn’t mind at all.” Togame cups your face with his hands, “I’m so proud of you.” 

Your smile is squished up.

[April 13]

“Happy birthday, happy birthday to you!” All his friends are in the room when you place the cake in front of him. An ice cream cake with chocolate, vanilla, and cookie crumbles in the middle. “Happy Birthday” is scribbled in black gel on the top. Enough sugar is packed into it to make someone sick. The numbered candles flicker and the flames wave with the slightest breath. Everyone cheers and claps. 

“Blow it out!” 

“Make a wish!” 

“C’mon, birthday boy!” 

“Jo, happy birthday.” You fix the cone hat on his head. The hat his friends– mainly Choji, forced him to wear. They whistle. 

Togame chuckles and deeply inhales, extinguishing all the candles in one single blow. Smoke bellows out. You clap your hands as the room erupts in laughter, you’re looking at him with hearts in your eyes. “Happy birthday, baby.” You give him a big fat wet kiss on the chin. He catches a glimpse of the golden balloon banner: Happy Birthday! 

[July 1]

Orange juice drips down the sides of your fingers, you lick it up. The sour-sweet liquid mingles on your tastebuds. 

The juicer shakes– destroying, tearing, and squeezing everything the fruit is capable of offering. Its peel releases a mellow citrus scent that fogs up the room. Halves, quarters, and slices are funneled into the machine. The pulp gets caught by the mesh strainer, its counterpart flows smoothly into the jug below. You turn and wash the sticky coating off your hands in the sink. 

The door jingles open.

“I’m home.” Togame places his bag down on the bench and heads over to you. “What’re you making, darling?” 

“Orange juice, do you want some?” You pour it into a cup and hold it up to his lips– you know he’ll take it. 

Togame does, placing his hand under to tip the content into his mouth. The watch on his wrist tells the time: 8:31 PM. He gulps– swallowing all the orange’s hard work. You drink it off his tongue when he presses his lips to yours. 

[August 20]

Okinawa Churaumi Aquarium

“Jo, Jo, look!” 

He traces his eyes to where you’re gesturing at. It’s a huge tank, a wide variety of fish swim about, and in the middle, a whale shark glides along the current. Many hold up their phones to snap photos. Your bag weighs the left of his shoulder down, you’re weighing him down and he’s glad that you are. The blue illuminating from the tank caresses the features of your face, exposing you to the blind eye. He harbors a profoundly tender, undoubtedly affection for the person by his side. One of the simplest, yet most complex feelings he has ever touched.  

You stare in awe as the manta ray flaps its wings, radiating eminence like a dove soaring through the skies. 

“Where should we go next?” Togame opens up the pamphlet the worker gave him again, he scans through the map. Next is the 3F Journey to a Coral Reef: A World Brimming with Colorful Marine Life. “Do you want to see the corals?”

“Let’s go see it together.” You clasp his hand in yours, intertwining fingers. Even now, he gets butterflies tickling his belly. 

[September 4]

The alarm blares on the nightstand. You shuffle, letting out a groan, and extending your hand to get a hold of your phone, and you squint your eyes to read the time: 6:01 AM. Sitting up, you stretch your arms above your head, waking up every muscle. Togame stirs beside you, grumbling something incoherent. You stifle a laugh and bend to kiss his forehead. He wakes up later, the restaurant doesn’t open until the afternoon. 

Water splashes on your face as you get ready. 

Fully dressed, you pack your bag. “G’morning…” Togame leans against the doorframe, rubbing his eyes. “Good morning, are you coming back later today?” You ask. It’s a Wednesday and Togame usually heads to the gym after work on Wednesdays. “Hmm, yeah, I think so.” He rasps out. “Have a good day, baby.” Togame kisses the corner of your mouth when you walk to the front door. 

“You too.” Opening the door and peeking to see him before you shut it. “I’m off,” you call out and he waves. 

[September 27]

It’s late, your period is late by three weeks. You run a hand over your face as the test sits on the ceramic bathroom sink. Palms sweaty as you lean over the rendering test. The first line. Your nerves tingle as you await the verdict. The latex microbeads are the judge of how your life will continue, you wait with bated breaths. 

You want Togame, you want him to hold you in his arms instead of standing in the bathroom alone. A second line. 

Togame is wiping a chopping board down when a phone rings. “Hey, it’s yours Togame!” A voice informs him. He makes his way to the back alley to call you back, you never call during his work hours. His stomach clenches as the device continues to ring. 

Sniffles emerge when the call is picked up. “Are you crying? What’s wrong?” Togame feels sweat form all over his body. 

“Can you come home?” You choke at the end. 

“Sure, I’ll come home right now– sit tight,” Togame informs his coworkers of an emergency and rushes back to the apartment where he finds you on the bathroom floor. “Are you alright? What happened?” He pushes damp strands of hair out of your face. You press your hand against him. “The test,” gesturing to the sink. Togame slowly stands up and notices the test along with the two lines. 

“It’s alright, we’ll figure it out,” he presses your head into his shoulder, his shirt soaking up your tears. “Shhh, it’s okay. You’re the most important person to me. I love you.” His hand rubs up and down your back, as you seek comfort, trembling in his hold. 

Tears stain your cheeks as you lay on the pillow next to him, breathing hitching every few seconds. “I’m okay, we’re okay. I love you. I’m here for you, darling.” You nod as he strokes your wet face. His heart pumps out a thousand prayers: I love you, I love you, I love you. 

“Togame…Togame!” Another chef pats his back to get his attention.

“Oh– yes?” 

“You alright? You’ve been spacing out, did something happen?” All his coworkers confirm the man’s concern. 

Togame licks his lips, “I’m, uh…gonna be a father.” 

The whole kitchen stops what they’re doing and congratulates him. Hugs, handshakes, and pats and showered on the new prospective dad. The workers who were already fathers gave advice and ruffled his hair. His boss sends him home for the day. 

He tells the news to his acquaintances, friends, best friends, past lovers, and the cats on the way back to you. He tells the trees, the flowers, and the pebbles. He wants to tell the whole world. 

[October 12]

A pack of letters tied together with a red ribbon is left on the tabletop. 

You see it when you wake up and head to the kitchen. There’s a cup of tea next to the stack. You sit down and pick up the letters, turning them around to inspect what they could contain. The ribbon pulls apart in one tug. A multitude of envelopes splatter on top of one another. You pick one up, open it, and pull out the card. 

Happy 7th Birthday! 

You’re no longer a toddler, you can write and tie your own shoes now! That’s a big girl achievement. How amazing, I know I wasn’t around to see it, but I’m sure everyone was so proud. 7 is a big deal. Skip another step on hopscotch, let ice cream drip all over the floor, run down the slides, and have an amazing 7th birthday. 

– Togame Jo

Picking up another random envelope:

Happy Sweet 16th,

High school must be difficult, but I’m sure you can handle it. All your classmates and friends are at school waiting for you. I hope the sun shined a little brighter this year as you tackle tests and homework. 16-year-old you will be so happy to see who she has become, getting into college, and studying your favorite subject. Wishing you the happiest 16th year. 

– Togame Jo

Happy 18th Birthday! 

Wow, you’re now an adult! It’s your last year of high school, you’re about to graduate! You must’ve worked hard. I honestly don’t remember much about 18-year-old me, but I’m sure you do. So, just know that I think 18-year-old you was remarkable. Your kindness is so much bigger than you give it credit, I thought that when you told me about the cat you saved when you were 18. Adulthood must’ve been scary to imagine, but now you start making big choices and defining who you’ll be in life (p.s. you did that well). 

– Togame Jo

Happy 19th! 

We meet this year, isn’t that something? I can recall when I first saw you, you looked like a fairy. I believe I fell in love at first sight (It’s true). The way you carried yourself up until now is inspiring. We got to know each other and kissed, when we kissed for the first time I thought my heart was going to explode. Sometimes I lay in bed and wonder: what if we never met? I get filled with worry, but then don’t care because I would’ve found you either way. We were meant to be together. Happy birthday sweetheart. 

– Love, Togame Jo

Happy 1st Birthday!

You probably didn’t know it back then, but you were about to embark on a wonderful journey. You’ll meet people, make friends, and be surrounded by love (1-year-old you is really cute, by the way).

– Togame Jo

Happy 22! 

I got to spend this birthday with you. But I want to say all the things I said that day again; I love you, I’m so happy I got to meet you, you’re astonishing. I wake up and think about how much I’m blessed to be your boyfriend. You graduate soon– I could talk forever about all the things that happened this year. Let’s go back to the beach and swim all night again. Can I say it yet? I’m excited to be able to write this. 

– Your future husband, Togame Jo. 

There are more letters on the table, a card for each birthday up until this year. The tea has cooled down as you place the last letter of the most recent birthday down. A tear hits the paper, creating a dark spot– you didn’t even realize you were crying. You feel so tender and vulnerable, your heart is split open like a plum. For a split second, you see yourself in the reflection of the black screen before you open the phone up. Togame’s location is right outside the front door. 

The doorknob shakes as you grip it with your quivering hand. You pull the door back, there stands Togame with a bouquet of peonies. 

“Did you finish reading them?” 

You sniffle, tears pouring down your cheeks. You’re unable to speak. 

“Don’t cry–” He fumbles a bit before shoving the bouquet into your face. You break out into a smile and laugh, accepting and holding the flowers in your hands. He gets down on one knee and opens the black velvet box, revealing a shiny ring on the cushion. “Will– Will you marry me?” Togame stops breathing. 

“Yes, Jo– I’ll marry you.” 

His fingers feel cold when he slides the band onto your left ring finger. When he stands up, you drop the bouquet and wrap your arms around his neck to kiss him. He smiles, wrapping an arm around your waist. “Have you been standing out here all morning?” You rub his cheek. 

“Anything for my wife.” 

[November 9]

I do. I do.

The wedding was a small gathering of family and friends. But it was the wedding of your dreams, marrying the man you loved. 

“Did you really cry when you saw me?” You roll onto your side to talk to your husband. 

“I did, you were so beautiful.” 

“That’s so cheesy.” 

“I’m always cheesy with it comes to you.” 

Togame moves closer to you, shifting the bed while doing so. He places his hand over your womb, “I never thought I would have a family,” he stops to steady his vocal cords. “I was a delinquent, you know? Always up to no good and fighting was all I did.” Togame blinks and a wet film forms over his green eyes. “Now, now– I have a wife and I’m going to be a father,” his voice cracks. “I’m really happy, I love you, I love us, I love our baby.” Togame cries, tears roll off his lashes and onto the cotton pillowcase. 

You pull him towards you and he buries his head into your chest. Your fingers card through his short black hair, there is still some gel left in it. “I know, I know…I feel the same way too. I love you, Jo.” You softly whisper to him, he shakes like a leaf against you. November is mid-winter, it should be cold, but it’s warm. 

[April 29] 

“When are you due?” Your friend sips her smoothie looking at your showing stomach. 

“The doctor said sometime in late June.” You take a bite of the cheesy waffle. 

“Awe, I’m so excited to meet little Rie.” She gushes. 

Rie was the name Togame and you chose for your baby girl, meaning blessing. The cafe is bustling, college students and the elderly alike come and go as you chat with your high school friend. You were on maternity leave and waiting for the date. The emerald-cut diamond ring is comfortably splayed on your finger when you go to pick up the cup of water. You miss Togame even though you saw him a few hours ago.

“How are things going between you and your husband– actually I can’t believe you’re married. Back in high school, you were on a roll, really, none of our old friends believed me when I said you got married and were pregnant. It’s amazing, everyone thought you would take longer to settle down– even I thought you never were going to.” Her lips curl up. “I’m happy for you, I mean it. Togame– Jo, wow, you’re also a Togame now. He’s good for you, you’re practically shining– don’t they call it pregnancy glow? I think you’re glowing.” 

You laugh at her words, “Oh, yeah. I once thought in high school that I’d never have a family. Now, I don’t regret anything. At first, I was scared. You know? I thought the world was going to end, but Jo– he really helped me back then. Back then, all I did was cry– no, seriously I cried all day and night. He took a few days off work and calmed me down. I’m grateful for him. This might sound dumb, but– I think he’s my soulmate– don’t laugh. I just can’t imagine myself with another man who isn’t Jo or even having a kid with someone who’s not Jo.” 

The two of you continue to talk until Togame picks you up to go home. 

[June 25]

The hospital's fluorescent lights shine all around you. Stars start forming all around the room like a nebula you see in a space photo. Each star twinkles in an array of colors. Your body is sweaty as you heave, the nurse takes a cloth and wipes your forehead, but it still feels damp. It hurts? It hurts. Everything is tingling. She peels the gown down, exposing your chest, and places a newborn– your newborn on your bare skin. A tiny yellow hat is on her head. Seven pounds and four ounces. Rie, she’s coated in a mixture of liquids as she cries at the top of her lungs into your breast. 

“Oh, you’re so little…” Tears slip down your face as you tuck your chin to see her. 

Togame leans his forehead against your temple, “Thank you– thank you for being born safely.” Her cheeks are so tiny in comparison to Togame’s index finger. You cry and all the emotions welled up in you pour out into the delivery room. A healthy baby girl. 

[October 18]

The curtains blow with the wind. 

“Why’re there so many windows?” Choji places a cardboard box in the middle of an empty room and skips around. 

“She said she wanted a house with a lot of windows.” Togame thinks back. I want all the windows open– there has to be a lot of windows. 

“Really?” Sako and Inugami enter with even more boxes. Arima comes back down from the second floor, “How exciting man, you got a family.” He grins and walks to his former Shishitoren members. 

His Shishitoren pals move furniture and set up the house, and even some old Bofurin come around and lend a hand. 

“Rie, right? Congrats.” Umemiya pats his shoulder with a grin. Togame thanks the white-haired man. 

“Sakura, that goes into the nursery,” Nirei instructs the two-toned boy. 

“Hah? Where’s that?” 

“Over here.” 

Togame watches everyone come together to help him set up the new house. It makes him feel funny inside that all these people took time out of their days to dedicate it to him. He set one foot in front of the other, it felt like a heavenly blessing bestowed upon him, a man young and in love. Rie was absolutely lovely and pure as light, she resembled you more. Waking up to you and Rie made him feel like he was basking infinitely in the sunshine. There was no other word than “love” that could describe these days. People spend their whole lives searching for it, saying that it doesn’t exist when it doesn’t grace them with its presence. 

[November 8]

Rie was growing fast, a bit too fast for Togame’s liking. He still wanted her to remain small and tiny for just a little longer, for there to be more moments where you all lay on the rug together. Rie nibbled on her toy, her skin was velvety and soft as bread. You coo at her and take the toy away from her mouth, she kicks and fusses. 

“Shhh…” Togame watches you calm her down, stroking her puffy cheek with the back of your finger. “Ah, could you watch her? I want to head to the store to buy more milk.” You sit up and pat your clothes down. 

“I can go instead.” 

“Stay here with Rie, have some daddy and daughter time.” You press your nose into him and stand up. 

He relents, you’ve been with the baby ever since you got back from the hospital, and he knows you need some time alone. “Alright, be safe. Okay, honey?” He crosses his legs and places Rie in his lap. “Say bye-bye to mommy.” He grins and waves her miniature arm at you. 

“Bye-bye Rie, mommy will be back soon, be good for daddy.” You blow a kiss at your husband and baby. 

Part 2

Grief is love with nowhere to go. 

Wailing fills the room, there’s no other noise he can hear. Togame grips the bars of the crib to the point where his knuckles turn white. He felt his soul being ripped apart, opening the gates for an agonizing pain– terrible and airless, it wraps its claws around his throat, a silent asphyxiation. There’s a desire in him, to fill his pockets with stones and head into the sea. How can he live without you? How can you leave him? Rie continues to cry and cry and cry. His hands are stinging, indents on his palms when he lets go. 

She’s crying out for you– for her mother. Togame stands up, the tears on her pudgy cheeks mirror his. Your blood mixed with his runs through this child’s veins. He picks Rie up and rests her against his shoulder, patting her back to try and soothe her to no avail. It’s almost like she’s mourning her mother’s death. Falling to his knees, he cries alongside her, two trembling people clinging onto one another. The moonlight moves around the nursery, the white glow is the only source of light. Her little hand clenches his shirt. She must be hungry, he forces himself up to make a bottle of milk. Copying everything he saw you do, but Rie doesn’t take to the bottle. She doesn’t latch onto it. He’s at his wit's end. Why didn’t he pay more attention to what you did? Why didn’t he question you on how to calm the baby down? Why did he never think to ask you how to take care of Rie? Because he believed you would always be here– be beside him. You were immortal to him until you weren’t. 

Togame snaps awake, gasping, his eyes dart around the room. Rie is snoozing in his arms, he is still supporting her body against his chest. His mind fell asleep, but his body didn’t. He lets out a sigh. The full bottle is set on the table. Slowly, he gets up off the chair, walks over to the crib, and places Rie gently down on the mattress. Togame holds his breath as he lets go, she doesn’t stir. Quietly, he walks out of the room and down the hall into the living room. His pillow is on the couch, the baby monitor speaker is on the coffee table, and his clothes are thrown about on the furniture. He hadn’t slept on the bed since the day you passed, it was too much to feel that you were still here. His mind kept telling him that you were going to come to bed any minute. 

His phone clicks open with a ding, notifications are displayed in a row, and he scrolls through them. Weather notifications, messages from his friends, emails from his boss, notifications from the baby monitor, and menial ads. Friday. It’s already Friday. He can’t remember the last time he went to work, they must’ve fired him by now– he couldn’t even go anyways, Rie would be left alone. Togame rubs his forehead, pulling the skin with his hand. At some point, his stomach growls, and he can’t recall when he last ate. The fridge is empty and barren, aside from condiments and beers on the door– aside from the rotting orange in the fruit compartment. A dark green fungus eats away at the flesh, skinning the peel off, and torments the orange. It passes away, unable to endure. 

The tab presses into the can, breaking the seal, and a sizzle rips out. He raises the rim to his lips and drinks the liquid down. Six large gulps flow down his throat, but he tastes malt– he tastes malt. Immediately Togame runs to the sink and coughs into the stainless steel basin. What did he just do? He sticks his fingers into the back of his mouth until he regurgitates all the liquid up– or until he thinks he has. Beads stick to his lashes, falling when he blinks, snot is running out his nose, and his entire chin is coated with saliva. He gags. Togame didn’t even notice that he grabbed a can of alcohol, not even processing what he was doing. He curses, wipes his chin dry, and pours the rest of the beer down the drain. How can he drink when Rie’s depending on him, he’s the only one here for her now. If something were to happen to her– he pressed his hands to his face, tugging at his hair. 

He needs help, he can’t even function as a normal individual, so how can he be a father right now? 

Togame texts the first person he can think of, the one who helped him back on his feet when he was stuck under the shade; Sakura Haruka. 

It doesn’t take long for Sakura to show up at his front step, Togame swings open the door before the man can even ring the bell. 

“Sorry, it’s a mess right now. I mean— look at me. I’m a mess.” He dryly chuckles when he sits down on the couch, insulting himself. 

“Hey, it’s alright. I haven’t seen you since–” Sakura stopped himself, he felt it was taboo to mention the funeral of Togame’s wife, especially when Togame barely looked put together. “You need help.” Sakura isn’t well-versed socially, but even he knows that the black-haired man isn’t stable. His two-colored eyes travel up and down, Togame has an overgrown beard– something he has never seen before. Excluding the miserable husband and father, the house was in disarray. Pots and dishes lay dirty in the kitchen sink, trash was spilling out of the bin, and energy drinks littered the coffee table– all the surface tops Sakura could see. 

Sakura isn’t sure if he should ask Togame if he’s okay because he already knows the truth– the man isn’t. 

“I just can’t find time to clean– Rie cries all hours of the day, I need to book a doctor’s appointment for her– she hasn’t been eating that much. I think she’s losing weight– she feels lighter.” Togame furrows his brows in dread as he lists everything he needs to do to Sakura. “I’m trying, but it just…isn’t enough.” 

“Did you drink?” Sakura spots the beer can on the counter. 

“I did– I chucked it up though. I didn’t even see what I was drinking,” he laughs, “isn’t that crazy? I think I’m going crazy. If she was here–” Togame voice cuts off. He’s so pathetic without you, he thinks. 

“Can I call someone?” Sakura asks. 

“Sure– yeah, go ahead.” 

A few people show up: Umemiya, Kotoha (people Sakura thinks are good with kids), Suo, and Nirei (people who popped into his mind right away). 

Because Sakura is in unfamiliar territory, he cannot comprehend how Togame is feeling, and he definitely doesn’t know anything about child-rearing. 

Togame showers as they all help clean up the house. Kotoha is tending to Rie, accessing his concern about her lack of eating. He’s using the guest bathroom since he’s also been avoiding the bathroom you use, all your stuff is there, and even strands of your hair are still on the bath mat. The hot water slithers all over, washing away the dirt that’s been stuck to his skin. He can hardly recognize himself in the mirror when he wipes away the fog, revealing his unruliness. He can’t remember the last time he had let his beard grow out this much, he doesn’t think he ever did. So, he shaves— for the first time in weeks. 

When he steps out into the living room, Kotoha is bouncing Rie in her arms. Togame never talked to her before, though he knew that she was Umemiya’s little sister. Rie squeals and giggles, flapping her arms around. For a split second, he sees you. You’re the one holding his daughter– your daughter. Bobbing her up and down, kissing her cheeks, and smiling so warmly at your bundle of joy. Toagme’s breath hitches and he digs his nails into his hand in an effort to stop himself from crying in front of everyone. He is so tender in his grief. 

“You should see a psychologist.” Umemiya hands him a glass of water. 

“I need to take Rie to the pediatrician first.” 

“Right, you should. But don’t ignore yourself. She needs you to be healthy.” He takes a moment to think. “I can watch over Rie when you go. We all can.” Umemiya suggests. 

“I’ll just take her with me.” Togame places the cup on the table. 

“You need some time alone–” 

“She’s all I have left– what if, what if something happens when I’m not there again.” Togame fists at his pants, “Oh god, I don’t know…” He’s spiraling. 

Umemiya remains silent. He knows Togame is refusing to let Rie out of sight due to fear. “Trust us.” He spoke with sympathy to the widow.

In the shopping center, Togame waits in front of the family bathroom. 

Rie fusses in her stroller uncomfortably. All he can do is rock her until he can change her diaper. Her lip wobbles, she’s on the verge of screaming, and he debates his next action. Whoever is in the bathroom is taking way too long, it's been over 15 minutes. The men’s doesn’t have a changing station and he’s not keen on taking her there anyways. 

“Oh, how she’s so cute.” An old lady peers into the stroller. 

“Thank you.” Togame offers her a small smile. 

“Are you giving mom some time off?” 

Togame opens his mouth to respond, but he can’t form any words. Her unknowing words had skinned him raw. She thinks you’re still alive. People are going about their days not knowing you’re gone, living their lives without the slightest bump. The passersby don’t know that he’s suffering. How can they go on with their lives like nothing happened? He feels angry and then an excruciating sadness. Rie whimpers and it snaps him out of his train of thought. “Sorry, I need to change her diaper.” He doesn’t spare the lady another glance as he unbuckles Rie and takes her into the women’s bathroom. 

A young lady is at the sink fixing her makeup, a college student, Togame thinks. She stares at him wide-eyed. “Um, just– my baby.” He rushes to the large stall in the back, the one he knows has a changing station. When he locks the stall he hears her footsteps disappear, she quickly leaves after seeing him. Togame sighs but continues with tending to Rie. With a fresh diaper on her, he scurries out of the women’s, apologizing on the way out. Some of them give him dirty looks. Sure it annoyed him, but he ignored it, placing Rie back in the stroller and going off on their way. 

The doctor suggested to him to start solid foods. At the appointment, he realized how little he knew about his own daughter. Togame struggled to answer some of the questions because you were the one who took Rie to these visits. He has to be two now. 

The white-coat woman cleared her throat, “Why don’t you call your wife? Is she busy? I usually see her instead.” 

“She passed away.” Togame cringed when he said those words, it was the first time he told someone you were dead. 

She gasped and covered her mouth. “Oh, I’m so sorry.” 

He nibbles on the inside of his lip. 

“I can– I’ll print out the papers with things you need, stuff to know for future appointments. Wait a moment here.” She returns with a few papers stapled together. “Rie is quite healthy. You mentioned her eating habits, I believe you’re feeding her too frequently. When babies cry, it doesn’t always mean they’re hungry– here’s a time schedule on when to feed her. I also included some parenting tips in this folder.” The doctor clasps her hands on her lap. “We also offer counseling for single parents here, would you like to make an appointment? There’s also a fully staffed nursery, if you’re struggling with finding someone to look after her– Rie. There are one-on-one talks with a certified therapist and weekly group meetings in the program.” She hands him a pamphlet. 

“I’ll do it.” Togame doesn’t open the pamphlet. He then gets handed an appointment card. 

In front of the baby section, he stares at the text Umemiya’s wife had sent in the group chat. What to get, what to avoid, what to make sure of, and a few links. He follows everything to his best judgment and heads home with a few bags. 

At home, he sits in front of Rie and feeds her the puree out of the jar– or tries to. She sticks her tongue out refusing to take another spoon, slapping her veggie-coated hands against the tray. “Another bite?” Togame holds the spoon out. Rie giggles. “For daddy?” She blows raspberries at him, splattering carrots onto his face. He smiles. He can’t remember when he last laughed. Rie laughs with him, almost jumping out of her seat. “Ah, ah, ah.” Togame smoothes her hair back. With a last attempt, he wiggles his arm around, doing something he’s seen in movies. “Here comes the airplane~” he coos and it works, she opens her mouth up and licks the puree up. Togame bellows out a laugh, slapping his thigh at how comical the scene was. He looks around to see if you’re laughing too. 

But you’re not here. 

Rie sleeps in her crib, all cleaned up and dozing the night away. Togame stands over her, watching her chest rise and fall. He doesn’t know how to prepare her for life, how to teach her things her mother would be there for, he doesn’t know what to do. He’s anxious and backed into a corner, it’s daunting. Can he do it without you? If he kept you longer, pulled you down to tickle you, and if that driver didn’t drink– you were his anchor and how he’s drifting around in the waters, being dragged out by the riptide. He cried that night, alone on the couch. 

The bank website shows how low his balance is, he doesn’t have any current source of income. His legs shake as he checks the accounts, there’s still a hefty sum in the savings, and there’s Rie’s college fund. He can use the joint savings for the bills, but when it’s used up, what will he do? The house was mid-sized with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. It was manageable with a stable income from him and your remote job, but now there’s none of that. All of his time is spent on Rie, she’s not yet one. He can’t give up the house– it was your dream. You’re still all around– he hasn’t entered the bedroom in months, and your things are right where you left them. 

“You’re thinking pretty hard.” Sakura peeps at the laptop, “What’re you lookin’ at?” 

“Bills.” Togame scratches his head. Sakura and Kotoha had come by this evening. 

“Is it bad?” Sakura asks and gulps. 

“It’s not bad yet, but it will be.” 

“If money’s a problem, I can chip in,” Kotoha speaks up. “It’s the right thing to do.” 

“Me too.” Sakura chimes in. 

“You guys are already helping enough…” 

“Listen, do you see your situation? You’re not in any position to deny help.” Kotoha squints her eyes at him while stroking Rie’s back. He can’t say anything else back, “Thank you.” 

Sakura coughs, “So, why’d you ask for boxes?” 

“I just wanna organize her stuff. I– I haven’t been in our bedroom in a while, because I’m scared. I’m scared of moving her things– packing her away. It feels like I’m removing her presence…but at the meeting, they said I would need to do it eventually. I know I’m putting it off– but, but…it just sucks.” Togame takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to face it– face that she’s gone, even her office– I can’t bring myself to open the door. Because it feels like she’s on the other side, sitting in her chair. I don’t want to open it and not find her there.” He spills himself out. “This is her home too.”

They fall silent, lips shut tight. “We’ll help you,” Sakura spoke, his voice was wobbly. “I’ll stay the night. I don’t have anything tomorrow.” Togame nods appreciating the younger man’s support. Kotoha holds Rie tighter. 

The first thing they tackle is the bedroom. The sheets are stripped, leaving the mattress bare, and the socks you left on the carpet are thrown into the laundry bin. There’s a large box on the dresser, the one he received from the funeral service provider as the next of kin. Inside contains all the things you had on you at the time of death. Kotoha is sorting things out in the bathroom next door, sorting your cosmetics and trinkets. With shaky hands, he opens it for the first time. Your bag, jewelry, and shoes are all in this one box. The clothes are gone, they were too soaked in blood to be returned. He holds the shoes in his hands and places them on the floor. There are little brown spots on it. The next item is a plastic bag, containing your earrings, bracelets, and your ring. The one he gave you. He sniffles. In your bag, he finds your phone, lip balm, hairbrush, compact mirror, wallet, and a Polaroid. A photo of your family; you, him, and Rie. His lungs shake. Your phone is now in his hands, there’s still some battery left in it since it lights up. He unlocks it, and the first thing he sees is a direct message log. It’s to him, there’s something in the text bar: I’ll be home soon, love you. 

Togame breaks down, he transforms into a puddle on the floor. Sakura and Kotoha find him pressing the phone to his forehead as he sobs. He passes away, unable to endure. 

They stop there for the day. The next morning, they work the kitchen out. The mixer you hadn’t yet touched gets placed into the to-sell box. The juicer is kept, he can’t part with it and he plans on using it. Togame’s body moves without thought, his brain is too tired to keep up, but if he rests, he’s uneasy and something gnaws at him from the inside. Next, the office. 

The door handle sticks dust to his hand when he pushes it down. The curtains are still open, the chair is pushed in, and you’re not anywhere to be found. Spiderwebs are nestled in every nook and cranny, a layer of dust settled over the desk, and your mug has coffee stains in it. He holds the ceramic in his hands, “I want to keep this room as is– I think I’m going to use it as my office.” Kotoha and Sakura nod, so instead, they tidy the room up. 

Sakura surveys the shelves, photo frames are lined up, and your degree is placed in the middle. He feels like he is intruding into your personal space. It’s now an empty room, but it was once bursting with life. A red box catches his eye, it’s placed on the very top, and he stands on his tippy-toes to reach it. It’s in his hands, he pulls the top off, and inside contains letters. Sakura doesn’t read them, but he senses they are important. He places the top back on, “Where should I put this?” 

Togame turns around, “Hmm? What’s that?” He takes the container from Sakura and peeks inside. He knows what it is. The paper sides of the box dents under his tight grip. 

That night, he dreams about you. He returns to that cramped attic, he returns next to you. Your eyes shine– so full of energy, it’s a lovely portrait. Togame can’t hear what you are saying, he doesn’t remember what you were talking about. Ah, that’s right, this is when he asked you out. He so desperately wants to reach out and touch you again, feel your skin against his, kiss your soft lips, hold your warm hands, but he can't because his body doesn’t move. So, he tries to talk to you. 

“I love you, please– please. You must’ve been in pain. I’m sorry I couldn't be there, I’m sorry I didn’t save you, I’m sorry I didn’t text you back, I’m sorry I didn’t hold you back that day. It was scary, wasn’t it? I let you die alone. I’m so, so sorry.” You remain stoic, smiling at him. “Rie’s gotten bigger, she’s eating actual baby food now. I think she’s going to walk soon. It’s almost her first birthday. She resembles you more and more by the day. I miss you. I miss you so much I want to die. Aren’t you going to yell at me for saying that?” Maybe because it’s a dream that his words come out smoothly. Your mouth moves, but he can’t hear anything. You laugh. If you’re happy in this silly dream, does that count? 

A week later he witnesses Rie’s first steps, her first words, and he grieves you at the same time. 

“Come here, Rie. Come to papa.” Togame holds his arms out, she wobbles like a fawn. Puffing her cheeks out, she pushes herself back up to her feet and puts one foot down. She takes four steps and collapses into her father’s arms. Togame picks her up and spins around, Rie shrieks with laughter, throwing her head back. He kisses her forehead, “You did so well sweetheart.” Her eyes squeeze shut before popping open, “Mnnn, mph…” She tries so hard to talk, to use her voice, to communicate. “Po–Pa, Papa!” 

Backpacks are lined out on the displays. Small and box-shaped. Togame had no idea sending a child to school would be so much work. Indoor shoes, uniforms, hand towels, stationary, and the list goes on. Rie is six and is set to enter elementary school in April. She’s her own person and walks with an openness and willingness for joy. It’s a major turning point in her life as she sets out on her academic pursuit. With the community chipping in, the house stayed, and with Rie going to school, Togame decided to do job searching again. He can’t keep depending on everyone else, he gets a visceral urge to continue standing on his own two feet without support. Umemiya and his wife offered to watch over Rie for the afternoons since their kids are also going to the same school. It’s a good idea because Togame no longer feels the fear that she’ll disappear when she’s out of his sight— because he trusts Umemiya. 

With no high school diploma, traditional job hunting wouldn’t work out for him. So, he called up his old coworkers and luckily, one of them said they could introduce him to someone who was hiring. Togame could sense that he wanted to say something, but held back. A few days later, Togame went and met the restaurant owner, with his decent experience and knowledge of the kitchen, he was hired to work late mornings to late afternoons. He could pick up Rie on the way home after she played with the Umemiyas for a few hours. 

It’s midnight and he misses you. He still keeps to his side of the bed, staring at the empty place. Togame stares up at the ceiling, he wants to say he’s come to terms with your passing, but sometimes he’s not okay. Somedays he wants to curl up under the blanket and disappear from the world. The bedroom door creaks open, “Dad…?” 

He sits up, “Rie? What is it?” 

“Can…Can I sleep with you?” 

“Sure– yeah, come here.” Togame pats your side of the bed. She slowly closes the door behind her and creeps over to the mattress. Rie slides under the sheets and lays her head against the pillow. “Are you alright?” Togame pulls the blanket over her and she nods. Her lip gets caught between her teeth as she fiddles with her fingers. 

“Um, dad?” 

“Yes?” 

“Can I ask you something?” 

“What is it?” 

“Do you hate mom?” 

Togame’s eyes widen, out of everything he was not expecting his daughter to ask him that. He swallows saliva down, wetting his throat, “What makes you say that?” 

“At school, Kosaka– I heard him say that his dad hates his mom because she left him. Do you hate Mom because she left us?” Her voice is barely above a whisper. 

“I would never hate Mom…I love her just as much as I love you.” 

He loved you and you left him. 

“What was Mom like? Fukasawa was telling everyone about her mom’s new book– I don’t anything about my mom. Did she write books too?” 

“Mom didn’t write books, but she read to you a lot…she read to you day and night. She was wondrous, you take after her in that. Mom’s still reading to you.” He lightly taps her chest, right above her heart, “She’s reading to you in here.” Rie smiles. 

“I want to meet Mom. Dad, do you miss Mom?” 

“I do, I miss her a lot. But since you’re here, she’s also here with me.” 

“If Mom was here…do you think we’d be happy like the Umemiyas?” 

It’s not strange for children to compare themselves to others. Pit their situation against their peers. He’s attended countless meetings, read through hundreds of blogs, and spent years trying to find the right way to tell his daughter that her mother was no longer here. 

“Are you unhappy?” 

Rie shakes her head, “I’m happy– I have you, I have Dad don’t I?” 

“And I have you.” Togame pats the blanket on top of her. 

It’s Rie’s eighth birthday, she’s practically bouncing while waiting in line. Togame purchased train tickets to the aquarium. He took the weekend off to celebrate with her, it's currently the day before her birth. The worker scans his barcodes and they head inside. Rie pulls the map wide open, reading all the exhibits. “Where do you want to go first?” 

“I wanna see the rays! Dad! Can we?” She beams a wide smile, one front tooth is missing. 

“Sure, let’s go, but stay by my side, okay?” 

“Okay!” 

Rie loves manta rays, the face she makes is exactly like the one you made all those years ago. She presses her palms against the large pane of glass, staring up at all the fish with her mouth agape. “What’s that one?” Togame’s eyes follow where she’s pointing, a flat fish. “Let me check,” he pulls his phone out to search for what animal it was. An angelfish. Rie doesn’t listen when he tells her though, too excited about moving to the next tank. He carries a tote bag and the lunch inside weighs his shoulder down. 

“Kame! One more!” Choji raises his hand at the counter. 

“Are you alright?” Sakura pokes at the green onion in his ramen while talking. 

“About?” 

His friends frequent the restaurant he works at and the owner doesn’t mind since it's more business and money. Choji and Sakura frequent the most after their jobs since they have nothing better to do. Sometimes Umemiya and the four old Bofurin kings swing by. Sometimes Kotoha pops in with Rie. Sometimes that eyepatch and freckles come with Sakura. Sometimes Sako, Arima, Kanuma, and Inugami have a meet-up. 

“The anniversary is coming up.” 

“Ah, right… Kame, will you be okay?” Choji frowns. 

“Yeah, I’ll be alright.” Togame places another gyoza plate in front of his old leader. 

Even now they worry about him. Reflecting back, he was a mess for the first couple of years. He was angry, consumed in a fit of rage at the loss of his best friend, lover, and wife. That anger is now long gone and what he feels is much softer. Sakura moves on and talks about what his current worries are and Choji pokes fun at him even though he’s also in the same situation. It felt exactly like when they all ate together during after-school hours. They all took different paths, but are all together again. The three men were steadily living life, day after day. Going where the wind takes them. 

Togame and Rie stand in front of the gravesite, where the last remaining pieces of you rest. Your body is long gone. The truth is, you still plague his mind. Because he loved you with his everything, you wholly possess his body every moment. The sun would burn out and collapse before he forgets about you, he’ll remember you longer than the time he knew you. He’ll keep finding you everywhere he goes. The sea salt he uses reminds him of the beach and the bookstores smell like you. Rie looks up at him, “Should we go home now?” She nods and a solemn expression is on her face. Rie doesn’t remember you, but she feels an intense longing for her mother. Togame wraps his arms around her, she’s exactly like you, Rie cries in his arms, soaking his shirt. Among the rows of graves, two souls glow together. 

The world is no longer scary. 

He buys a card at a convenience store.

He writes another letter to no recipient: 

To my darling, 

Happy 46th Birthday. Rie’s in high school now– our baby is now a high schooler. I miss you a lot today. Do you miss me too? I found the candle you love at a store, it’s burning right now. The room smells like you. I want to sit with you again. I want to fold your clothes for you again. You know that cardigan you wore a lot? Rie likes it, so she wears it. It fits her perfectly just like how you wore it. Rie likes peach juice, she uses that juicer you use, and sometimes she makes me some. When we meet again will you praise me? Can you tell me I did a good job with your sweet voice again? I want to hear you speak again. I can’t hear you in my dreams anymore. Do you still love me? I love you. It was an honor to love you and be your husband.

– Your husband, Togame Jo

a/n: I cut it short because I didn’t want to keep writing :P

achilles' heel | hoshina x f!reader

synopsis: the vice-captain has always been invisible, the perfect adjective for someone who is in a job where people come and go.

warning: language! (aside from that there's none... i think)

a/n: just very self-indulgent ! i hope my hoshina gurlies will love this 🤞🏼🥰🤍

"What's the situation in Tachikawa?"

"Not good. The amount of Yojus is continuously increasing," Konomi reported, "Shinomiya is helping a ton right now. But, this will be really, really bad if you don't go here immediately, Vice-Captain,"

Out of all the days, he had to go to the headquarters today for the monthly briefing with the general. Out of all the days, he thought in disbelief. He should've taken that unsettling feeling of seeing the squad, and you, smiling at each other this morning before he and Mina went.

"How many more minutes?" Mina asked the officer who was preparing for the special transportation that they would use to go back to Tachikawa base.

"30 minutes, Captain—"

"Make it ten," Sochiro says with finality.

"Vice-Captain Hoshina, that will be impossible to do—" Maybe it's a combination of fear, anxiety, and desperation, but in the blink of an eye, Sochiro grabs the collar of the officer in front of him, "Make it ten."

"Hoshina." Mina calls his name, making him stop. Holding onto Sochiro's shoulder, Mina prompted him to step back from the officer, "Please make it as fast as you can. We cannot waste more time."

"R-Roger!"

"Calm down, Vice-Captain," Mina spoke again, "They will be fine. Our officers are strong."

He knows that. He knows that more than anyone. He trained those officers with his own hands and pushed them every day to their limits. He's the one who guided them from the very beginning. But there's this... fear... that he cannot explain. And he hates himself for that.

Soshiro knows better than anyone that attachments should not be fostered in this line of work. They have a job with no certainty of tomorrow. People come and go all the time. As someone who has been here for the past years, gained and lost comrades in every mission, Soshiro thinks that he'll be smart enough to not fall in love with anyone. But that day... was just different.

When you walked into the exam room and he first saw you on the screen from the operations room, your hair was a little messy but in a pretty way, you were smiling at everyone, and you were so happy to get that 7% combat power for the first time. You were the most gentle in that batch, aside from being the most beautiful, and something about you messed with his brain.

It's like you wore your empathy like a weapon.

The first time he interacted with you alone was after your first mission. Soshiro got injured after saving an officer. He doesn't usually get injured with small-fry Kaijus, besides, he's one of the strongest in the Defense Force, but the timing was off and the only thing he wants is to save that officer. You did the first aid for his bleeding arm and continuously checked on him after that.

Soshiro couldn't explain it. He just woke up one day without the walls he hardly built up and found himself scared of losing you. He found himself secretly pursuing you inside the base. Giving you small gifts like it's a mission. Leaving just because flowers, mostly peonies, whenever he can drop by that flower shop near the Hoshina mansion. Leaving you notes with a smile on his face because the whole dorm is wiretapped. Requesting day-offs that coincide with yours. Soshiro was confused, but he was happy.

He shuts his eyes. How fucking selfish of him to only think of you right now, right?

"Let's go, Hoshina. They are ready."

Reports are continuously done through their earpieces. He can only listen. As long as he can still hear your name in action. Please, you have to hold on. Just until they are back to the base.

"Fortitude 9! A daikaiju just appeared! Shinomiya and ___ are facing it right now!"

Shivers went down his spine, and a wave of anger laced his voice as he shouted, "Tell them to back off! Are they fucking crazy?!"

You are not dumb. You are one of the most improved officers. But Fortitude 9 is just too much for your current stats. Hell, it's even too much for Kikoru right now who is much more advanced than you when it comes to skills.

"Hoshina." Mina calls him again, "Trust our officers."

"But—"

"They are not weaklings," Mina says.

You surely aren't. But he is, he admits in his mind. When it comes to you, he is.

The ride to Tachikawa base is agonizing.

When they reached the base, the fire caused by the raid was already gobbling up the buildings. Immediately, Sochiro went straight to the location of the Daikaiju and found you and Kikoru in an awful situation. You're down and unconscious after colliding with a wall.

Kikoru is still okay, but both of you need to go now.

"Vice-Captain!"

"Get out of here, Shinomiya." He commanded.

Kikoru stood up, wanting to get you out of the situation too, but Soshiro noticed her foot injury, "Get out! Now!"

"Vice-Captain, __ is still—"

"Worry about yourself." He says. It's an order. Kikoru knows.

He is a hypocrite. Because the first thing he did was to get the Kaiju away from where you're lying down as much as possible, "I am definitely going to kill you, disgusting piece of shit."

All his life, Soshiro was undermined. He's not good enough. He's not strong enough. His katana will never make a difference. He won't be able to save other people with it. But he did. He became Vice-Captain. Ashiro trusted him. His officers believe in him. But if he won't be able to save you today, then maybe they are right.

"Do you know who that girl is, you ugly fucker?" Sochiro asked the monster in front of him, "Someone you shouldn't touch because I'll definitely tear you to pieces if you do. Go to fucking hell now."

Kaijus has always angered Sochiro. But, the level of rage he has right now is just different and even Mina was shocked. They gave them no time to attack using big weapons as Sochiro went for the core of the Daikaju on his own.

They seized the Kaiju's body in possession for further studies and potential help that it could give the Defense Force. With blood on his forehead, Sochiro sprinted towards you after the kaiju was down. Pulling you close to his arms. You have a heartbeat, but very very injured. He still sighs in relief. As long as there's a heartbeat, "__," he calls for you faintly.

Broken ribs. A head concussion. Damaged weapons and suit maxed out. You really did your best out there. But you're still not a hero. You will never be. You just did your best because you know that he will come. There's no way he won't.

Thanks to the advanced technology of the Defense Force, your recovery was much faster. The Tachikawa base is under renovation after the huge damage and you were transferred to the care of Division 1 in the meantime, along with Kikoru and the hottest name in the force right now, Kafka Hibino.

Kikoru told you everything that happened. It turned out that Kafka is Kaiju No. 8 and he revealed himself to the force to protect everyone in Tachikawa. Captain Ashiro and Vice-Captain Hoshina thought that the Kaiju was officially down after Hoshina went to you, turns out that the raid is planned out more than the Defense Force expected. You weren't surprised though. You trust your comrades that much.

"Think you can start training tomorrow again?" Captain Narumi asks you.

"Yes, Captain." You feel fine and normal.

"Good," Gen smirked, "I don't give special treatments. Start showing me what you actually got. I am very, very curious."

"Captain," you gathered every courage left to address him.

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry for asking you but I don't know anyone else here to ask, but is Vice-Captain Hoshina okay?"

Gen's face was painted with astonishment upon hearing your question. You are just wondering... it's not like he needs to answer it. You wrote him a text the moment you got your phone but he never responded. It's also not like he needs to reply, he probably has a lot of things to do after all that damage. But, you're just so worried.

"Do you think I give a fuck about that bowl-cut dude?" Narumi chuckles. Wow, he's really immature, you thought, "If you're asking if he's still alive, unfortunately, yes."

You concluded that you wouldn't get a decent answer from Narumi so you just saluted and went out of his office. When morning came, you were finally out again in the field. But since you're still adjusting, you stick with an exercise routine that you usually do before combat training. And honestly, even if you want to spar with Narumi, you feel like you'll just mess it up.

You can't stop thinking about Sochiro.

But weeks passed after your recovery and you're still waiting to hear from him that you're now pissed. You do not have an excuse anymore and Gen is already forcing you to spar with him. So, you did.

"That's all you got?" Narumi chuckles, pinning you on the ground, "You're overrated."

"What?" Your eyebrows furrowed at him as you kicked his stomach to get out of his grip. But Narumi is strong, there's a reason he's the Captain of Division 1.

"Your Vice-Captain praised you so much," he chuckled.

"Your fault, you believed him." You smirked. Just hearing the word Vice-Captain pissed you off, "Let go of me now."

"Don't wanna," Narumi smirks again.

"What? I'm gonna—"

"Captain Narumi," you were cut off by a voice you longed to hear for weeks. Gen's smile went wider at the sight of Sochiro. This son of a bitch. He knows Sochiro is coming and he's doing this to piss him off. You finally kicked him out of you.

"Well, well, how are you, Hoshina?" Narumi's mocking him.

"Good," he answered, "The meeting will start in minutes, Captain Narumi."

"Too bad I'm busy sparring with my officer,"

"I'm sure Officer __ can wait for you." Your eyes darted to Sochiro. His coldness sent shivers down your spine. The frustration and confusion crawled in your system once again. You haven't seen each other for weeks and this is how he treats you? Like who the fuck cares if Narumi's here? Does he want to be a professional gentleman now?

Or... maybe he's just done with you. Maybe the rumors are right. The Vice-Captain is never serious when it comes to his relationships. Now that you're not under his wing, he's already done. Maybe that's it, then?

Narumi doesn't really have a choice so he stood up and went with Sochiro to go to the meeting, leaving you alone in the training room. Just in time for dinner, you went with Kikoru and Kafka.

"Vice-Captain is here, have you seen him?" Kikoru asked. You nodded quietly.

After dinner, you changed to a pair of sleepwear. Don't get it wrong, you love Division 1. But you just really want to go back to Tachikawa.

Unable to sleep, you stayed looking at the window from your room. You're in the same position when the raid happened. You remembered thinking about what's really between you and Sochiro. Maybe you got the answer you want now.

"How are you?" You almost jumped out of shock as you hear his voice. Sochiro stands beside the door, "The door is unlocked. I'm sorry."

You looked away from him— tearing up. Wow, he's here, but does that make up for the days he ghosted you? This asshole. Maybe Narumi should really punch him in the gut.

"If Narumi is forcing you to train, tell me—"

"Shut up."

"I'm sorry, baby,"

Oh, how you hate this man. He knows exactly what to do. He knows exactly how to get you over and over again.

"I hate you so much," you looked at him.

To you, Sochiro is like the stars. Before entering the Defense Force, everyone admired Mina Ashiro. But you were different. You admired the Vice-Captain who is mostly not seen. He saved you once when you were a civilian. He saved you over and over again when you were a cadet, and he still continued to save you when you became an officer.

"Not a single response to my messages? Not a single letter? Do you know how worried I am? Do you know how much I thought that you're blaming yourself for what happened when that's not—" In the blink of an eye, Sochiro envelopes your small figure to his arms.

"I'm sorry,"

"If you're done with me, you can just tell me." You removed yourself from his embrace.

"Done with you?"

"Isn't that the reason why, Vice-Captain Hoshina?" You asked him, "You're probably—"

"You scared the fuck out of me that I got scared even more because I never felt that way before. I was terrified, that I have to take a step back," He spoke, "Tell me why would you face a Daikaiju like that? You have nothing to lose? You're not scared?"

"I am an officer of the Defense Force, Vice-Captain. That is my duty—"

"Fuck that." He hissed, "What about me?"

"What about you?" You asked in confusion. Sochiro is never the type to curse his duty. He loves his job. He fought for this job.

"I can't lose you."

"Sochiro..."

"For years, I fought for the Defense Force thinking I have nothing to lose. Death never scared me. But when I saw you lying down, unconscious, I feel like being punched in the gut a million times, __." Seeing him lose his composure is new to you, "This is so wrong because I have a duty to fulfill and so are you and it's unfair for the Defense Force that we took an oath for, but I just can't... lose you..."

"Sochiro..." you held his face, "You won't lose me just because of that. I am not weak."

"I know." He gave you a weak smile, "But I am... when it comes to you. You're my Achilles' heel."

The great Vice-Captain Sochiro Hoshina is confessing that you make his knees tremble in fear, something not even the biggest Kaiju can do. He envelopes you in his warmth and places a soft kiss on your forehead, "I love you too damn much."

Count to Ten

In which you gift your husband a Polaroid camera, granting him exactly ten opportunities to take whatever pictures he wants of you.

♡ content: ~4k word count. eren jaeger x female reader. modern/domestic au, established relationship, porn without plot, consenting sexy photos, oral sex (f!receiving & brief m!receiving), body worship, mentions of reader wearing a dress, mentions of spit, pet names, alcohol, eren's a punk but we love him anyway, mushy fluff? idk i think it's cute. ♡ a/n: this has been rotting my brain for weeks so i finally had to bestow this filth upon you, enjoy.

You and Eren had been together for a while now. Married for one year to the day—happy anniversary to you!—and dating much longer than that. So while, yes, today was a big day, it wasn’t as though you hadn’t celebrated countless anniversaries before. 

That wasn’t to say you didn’t want to make it special. Of course you did, who wouldn’t? There was more than enough reason to celebrate. You were soul-mated, bursting to the seams, positively buzzing with love. Humming and twirling like Cinderella while doing chores as menial as folding dryer-fresh bath towels. 

Cynics would say you were still wandering in the mooniness of new marriage, but you’d argue that had long worn off. Living together, seeing each other at your very worst—chilled, snotty-nosed, curled in sticky, feverish bedsheets—and peeing with the bathroom door wide open didn’t really leave much mystique there, did it? 

Or, on the flip side, perhaps it was more apt to say the honeymoon phase never truly ended. The spark never died, the fun never faded, because your husband (Husband! You were still getting used to that) would rather die than let that happen.

You never had to worry about Eren forgetting your anniversary. If anything, he was always one to go over the top if you didn’t reign him in every once in a while. Which was the exact reason you told him you only wanted to go out for dinner, just the two of you, at that fancy-schmancy place—as he liked to call it—downtown. 

Keeping in mind that Eren was the type to overdo it, you had a not-so-sneaking hunch he’d buy you a present, no matter how many times you insisted he didn’t need to. In preparation for just that, you planned something. Little, hidden up your sleeve, but all for him. 

You were good about sealing your lips, too, despite the gift arriving at your porch days ahead of schedule. You didn’t even drop a single hint when he greeted you after work that evening, the same huge smile on his face as always—“Hi, beautiful!”—squeezing you in those big arms. 

And they said marriage, especially the first year, was hard work. 

Eren made the dinner reservation, just as you requested, and you managed to hold onto your secret until you returned home for the night, bellies full, with faces warmed and tingly from expensive wine.

“A Polaroid camera?” Eren questioned. He was as delicate about it as he could be—you know, for someone who had never been delicate about anything in his entire life.

A confused smile, though a smile nonetheless, twitched at the corner of his mouth. You could practically see the gears shifting in his head, like he was trying to recall a time he may have mentioned an interest in photography. He did have a habit of starting (and dropping) new hobbies on a near-monthly basis. 

Traditionally, the theme for a first-anniversary gift was paper. In a roundabout way, photo paper counted. At least, that was what you told yourself when you bought it. 

Paper was supposed to represent a blank slate, ready to be slathered with memories of your new life together. And that was nice and all, but you had another idea in mind for using up the film.

Eren held the camera in his hands. It was already freed from its original packaging, sitting lonely in the box you had wrapped while he was at work. 

You inched closer to him on the couch while he inspected it, perching on your knees to drape your arms over his broad shoulders. You ran your hands down the front of his shirt, his toned chest beneath your fingertips. You did it slowly, like you were insinuating something, but Eren couldn’t begin to guess what. You caught the intrigued look on his face as you peered over his shoulder. 

You brushed some loose hair behind his ear and kissed his cheek. Eren noted the grin in your voice as you whispered, “I’ve already loaded it with film.” You kissed the spot below his ear, felt the shudder it gave him. “I thought we could use it together.” His neck was next, where his pulse throbbed beneath your lips. “However you’d like. Whenever you’d like.” You moved his shirt’s collar out of the way, trailing your lips lower. “But don’t forget, there are only ten photos, and once you’re out, you’re out.” 

It was something for him and him alone. Tucked away in his bedside drawer for those times—though few and far between—when he was left missing you. Sure, you could always text him a photo; you had done so before. But this was different. More personal. Tangible proof that he could hold between his fingers and know you were irrevocably his. 

Truthfully, Eren was tempted to ask right then and there if he could keep his favorite in his wallet—whichever photo that may be, the anticipation was ruining him already—but he didn’t want to test his luck yet. 

You were glad you decided to hold off exchanging gifts until after dinner. Otherwise, there was no way you would have made your reservation. You didn’t even get the chance to open your present. Not that you minded, obviously. The cute little box sat ignored on the coffee table as Eren tugged you onto his lap. You straddled him as he made out with you, your dress riding higher and higher up your thighs. His hands smoothed from the small of your back to your revealed shoulder blades. His palms, hot and already commanding, pressed you against him, and you let his tongue swipe past your lips. 

It was his own Eren-esque way of thanking you for the gift. He’d undoubtedly say it a million times later; you could predict it already. It was just that he was a little occupied right now, what with you helplessly grinding against him and all. 

He was already hard by the thought of what he could have you do for him—for the camera. Fuck, you could feel it too, your clothed pussy rutting against him, making a mess of the front of his dress pants as you whimpered into his mouth. It was a gift for him, but you vastly underestimated just how much it’d turn you on as well, knowing how fiercely he craved you, every part of you.

Eren wanted nothing more than to take you then. And he could have, but he’d rather have you strewn beneath him on your soft bed. He wanted to bask in you. The expanse of you, bare, and ready for him. Then, he could snap a photo, freeze time, and savor the sight of you forever. 

But was it too soon to take the first photo? Already, Eren was worried about running out of film, and he hadn’t even put a finger to the button. It was a gift, but it might as well have been a curse, and he was sure that was your intention. Even so, he couldn’t take it anymore. All at once, Eren whisked you to your shared bedroom and stripped you from your dress. 

It wasn’t long before Eren settled on what was worthy of his first photograph. He wished to capture the very moment he pushed inside you. The look on your face you always wore—the tiny ‘o’ your mouth made, the quirk of your brows—right when he stretched you on his cock. His absolute favorite, even years later (Really, how lucky were you that he was still this obsessed with you?) By now, he had it memorized, that heavenly expression that’d grace your features, lasting no longer than a blink of an eye but now something he could look at ceaselessly. Over and over and over again. 

But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t take his sweet time with you. No, he wouldn’t let you get off that easily, knowing you were teasing him when you reminded him there were only ten photos. 

Eren kissed you deeply with one hand wrapped around the back of your neck. His lips were smooth and slow, thoughtful, kissing you in a way he knew would leave you desperate. He would have you begging for it—for him—before he’d give you just a single drop. He’d wait as long as he deemed necessary, expertly timing his photo to preserve that angelic look you get—the rapturous mix of relief, pleasure, and a desire for more. 

You tasted him and the bottle of red wine you shared over dinner. He was sweet on the back of your tongue. You were dizzy, your head thrown back into the feathery pillows as his lips left yours to kiss the side of your face. He dawdled there, hot breath fanning over your ear as he lightly took the lobe of it between his teeth. You sucked in a sharp breath through your teeth as his mouth traveled to your neck next. Then the dip of your collarbone and between your breasts. 

He peeled your bra off, one strap at a time, wasting no time to lift you to undo the clasp at your back. He licked and nipped at the sensitive skin. The cool bedroom air stood in a woozy contrast to the gentle heat of his mouth. He ran his large hand down your side, comforting your squirming as he flicked your perked nipple with his tongue. You were always so sensitive. It was something he liked best about you. 

You felt the sear of it when his lips curled into a smile against your skin. Smug already because you were practically panting, hips writhing beneath him, and he hadn’t even reached for your underwear. 

Eren knew you’d gift him the loveliest face when he finally sank inside you, where only he could reach. The bliss that’d wash over you once he tamed the ache between your legs—your gorgeous fucking legs. He slipped your panties down your thighs, wondering if it would be weird if he took a photo of them.

“God, Eren,” you whispered. It was ragged, nothing more than a hobbled breath. “Please.”

A lazy smile tugged at his lips. “Please, what?”

He hovered over you, pressed his forehead to yours. He didn’t just want to hear it but feel it, taste it, when you spoke it into his mouth—when you asked him, with that satiny voice of yours, to please fuck you.

You realized what he was after when he reached for the camera, almost lost in the tangle of clothes and sheets. Eren held himself with one hand planted in the mattress, the tip of his cock laying at your entrance. He angled back to aim the camera straight at your face. Behind it was the signature smirk you knew all too well. Before you could comment, he tilted his hips, filling you in one powerful thrust.

He predicted it, down to the very shape of your mouth. And right when your eyes fluttered shut—flash—it was bright behind your lids. 

One down. Nine to go. 

You thought Eren would toss the camera aside, fuck you like you wanted him to, but he did the opposite. He immediately pulled out and sat back on his knees, somehow more riveted by the photo than the real you, naked and needy below him. Seriously?

You propped yourself on your elbows with a pout. “Can’t this wait?”

“I wanna see it. It’ll just be a second,” he said, waving the photo in the air. 

“I don’t think that does anything.”

He ignored you, impatiently inspected the picture—still developing—then waved it around some more. He didn’t even notice when you perked higher, leaning into him, stealing his attention the only way you knew how. 

Yup the camera—and the hazy photo, for that matter—were soon forgotten. Tossed aside the moment you wrapped your dainty fingers around his shaft. You pumped his cock with one hand as you swirled your tongue over his tip, taking him past your wetted lips. 

A groan strained from him once your lusty eyes gazed up into his. He had no choice but to reach for the camera again, even in his clouded state with his cock down your throat. How could he not? You looked so magnificent, just like this. Hollowed cheeks, blown-out pupils, swollen lips working up and down his length. 

But he’d make it up to you of course. He still needed to thank you for the gift, after all. And once you heard the click of the camera, he did just that, giving you all the attention you deserved. 

The third photo, in hindsight, was one you should have seen coming from a mile away, given Eren’s boyish tendencies. If you were to guess, you thought he would have snapped a photo while you were sleeping. An unflattering picture of you with a flailing arm over your head or drool on your pillow—something along those lines. 

Oh, don’t worry, he considered it. Eren was actually thisclose to going through with it, thinking it’d be funny to slide you the picture when you least expected it, but he restrained himself. He did take one with his phone, though.

Another, much better, idea popped into his head. He didn’t even need to wait that long, just until you woke up for your morning shower. 

Picture it—no pun intended: The metallic slinking of the shower curtain ripping open. The humiliating sound that escaped you, living somewhere between a shriek and a choke. And the snap of that damned camera you were really regretting buying.

“Eren!” 

You were surprised you stayed upright, your heart beating so fast you surely thought it had hopped into your throat. You swore it then: there was no doubt this man would be the death of you. Especially with his stupid snickering, steadfast even as you sprayed him with the showerhead.

It was more of a prank than anything. A harmless one at that, if you asked Eren. But prank or not, past the water running down your face, your expression scrunched, he couldn’t help that his eyes lingered on your chest. Nor was it his fault that he happened to catch you before you’d rinsed off, your tits barely hidden behind suds and bubbles. And, well….

“Absolutely not!” you rebuked when he tried to join you, all smooth-like, as if that didn’t just happen. And when you yanked the curtain shut, Eren retreated to the kitchen, giggling to himself while he fixed your morning coffee, exactly how you liked it, in his attempt to get back on your good side. 

It was another few days before Eren reminded you of that damned camera’s existence. On a Sunday evening of all days, when you were least expecting it. Okay, maybe the shower incident claimed that title, but this was an extremely close second. 

Earlier, you had told him you planned to watch the newest season of your favorite show, uninterrupted. It had just dropped, and you wanted to squeeze in as many episodes as possible before bed. He didn’t seem to think much of it—even said he’d come and join you at some point. That is, until you passed one another in the hallway. 

“You can’t do this to me, babe,” Eren groaned, almost a complaint but more like a whine, as if you were purposefully doing something to spite him. 

The soft smile you greeted him with drooped. 

“Do what?” you asked, plopping onto the couch and snuggling between its cushions.

Eren shot you a look, his head cocked to the side—‘Come on already’—like you couldn’t possibly be serious. 

But it was an honest question. The only thing you had done in the last thirty seconds was walk by him on your merry way back from the kitchen, oversized snack bowl in hand and filled to the brim, clad in one of his old tees and a pair of underwear—

Oh.

Eren turned to leave the room, and you just got this feeling. 

You set the bowl on the end table and called for him in a drone of annoyance. “Don’t tell me you’re getting the Polaroid.”

He shouted back, “You know it,” and by the sound of it, he was already halfway to the bedroom where he kept it. 

He returned just as hastily as he disappeared, camera in hand. Surprise, surprise. 

You bit back your amused smile as you watched him sink to his knees on the floor before you. He traced a hand up the length of your thigh, toying with the band of your underwear with his fingertips. 

“Let’s get these out of the way,” he said in that low voice you loved—the one you always felt in your chest, like the thrum of a bass. 

“Right now?” you questioned, despite raising your hips once he hooked your panties around his fingers. You shimmied, helping Eren slither them down your legs until they hung at your ankle before flopping to the floor. 

“You said whenever I wanted, didn’t you?” he teasingly reminded. You made a face, and it pulled a chuckle from under his breath. “And I still have seven photos left.”

You couldn’t fight off your grin. It was coquettish and bashful as he beamed up at you, eyes darkened and dreamy, like his entire world was between your thighs. 

Eren had you lay back into the corner of the couch. He closed a hand around your ankles, one by one, bending your legs at the knee to place your feet onto the cushions—spreading you for him. The only decency left between you was his baggy shirt. 

“Hold it out of the way for me, baby. I wanna see you.”

You lifted the hem of it to expose your bare pussy to him.

Fucking perfect. “Yeah, like that.” He got this cheesy look on his face, pointing the camera to capture all of you, fully on display. “Now, smile.”

Part of you wanted to kick the smirk right off his face. But you’d never do that; you were so weak to him, a flouncy giggle leaving you as your husband tickled at your side. You couldn’t help that it was entirely endearing, not to mention flattering, that he found you, even like this, deeply irresistible. 

“Gotcha,” he boasted with the snap of the shutter. 

Unlike the first time, he abandoned the camera immediately. Wholly unable to contain himself—captivated by you splayed before him, at face-level, like that—he looped his arms around your thighs. He pulled you closer, your legs slipping from the couch and comfortably onto his shoulders. 

“God, I fucking love you,” he breathed, intended for you but spoken right between your legs, his eyes fixed there. He licked you once with no warning, no teasing, only his tongue swiping through you. “You gonna let me return the favor since you were so good for the camera?”

A sharp gasp escaped you, like a hiss, and your head lolled back between your shoulders. You bobbed your head in an eager yes, and he lapped at you a few more times. Slow and wet strokes of his tongue before he focused on your clit. Kissing it, flicking a pointed tongue against it, kindling the fire in the low part of your stomach. Your breathing quickened. 

The more you wiggled, the firmer his grip on you, the blunt of his nails burrowing into your thighs. You noticed the sting of it when he released your right thigh. 

Eren took your hand into his and laid it on the camera at your side. His mouth only left you to say, “I want you to take a picture. One of your face. Can you do that for me?” 

He kissed the crease of your inner thigh, his breath hot on your skin, but you felt it glow at the base of your spine. 

“Take it right when I make you come, okay?”

The plea in his voice, the honeyed coo of it—it softened you. No, it absolutely melted you. It wasn’t demanding in the slightest but a needful, urgent request.

Eren knew how much you loved when he went down on you; you always made that very clear with those sweet, tiny moans of yours. He was always ready, willing, and more than happy to oblige, but he could admit he hated missing out on your face when you came on his tongue. He wanted to learn it for himself, see how you looked with your head thrown back in ripples of pleasure. And he wanted to have it forever, for safekeeping. 

He only continued where he left off once you agreed and took the camera between your hands. Eren worked his way back to the pace you liked, steadily at first, kissing and making out with your pussy until he sucked at your clit with plush lips. And when he added the tip of his tongue, your stomach started to coil. 

Selfishly, you thought he looked like he was meant to be there. Handsome as ever, his dazy, green eyes bright against the flushed hue of his cheeks. You lifted a hand to his head, brushing the curtain of hair from his face. 

“I’m going to take one of you,” you giggled airly. You angled the camera toward Eren, the lewd sight of him worshipping between your legs. 

As if you had yanked a fire alarm, he immediately stopped what he was doing. 

“Don’t,” he exclaimed. He turned the camera away from him. “It was my gift, remember?”

You rolled your eyes but conceded only because you really wanted him to continue. He wasn’t above toying with you, if that wasn’t obvious enough already. 

Eren closed his mouth over your pussy. He was sloppy about it, spitting and spreading it over you with the flat of his tongue.  

You let the camera fall beside you, hands twitching and tensing like you needed to grab ahold of something—him, the Polaroid, your last smidgen of sanity—you didn’t know what. That iron-hot coil in your stomach wound and clenched. Closer and closer to coming undone, you rolled over his tongue, him encouraging you as he moved your hips with you. 

“Come for me, baby.” It was a slurry of words, a wet mumble against you. Every syllable was another vibration through you, bringing you to the very edge.

You picked up the camera with shaky arms.

“Make it real pretty for me,” he told you.

You didn’t want to imagine what sort of contorted face you would make, and you wouldn’t dare peek at the photo later, but you aimed the lens at your face anyway. It was his anniversary gift, after all—one you thought of, at that. No going back now, so you might as well make sure he got the most out of it. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you chanted, eyes screwed shut.

“It’s a photo, not a video,” he taunted as your whimpers grew louder. 

“Fuck off, Eren,” you whined into your breathy moan of an exhale. You laced a hand in his pretty brown hair and pushed his loud mouth back between your legs. 

You came then, hard, cursing and crying out your husband’s name. It was a miracle you could even snap the photo. But you did, and you chucked the camera aside, unconcerned as to where it might land. 

The feeling was overwhelming—nearly too much. As you twisted away from his mouth, Eren knew it was his cue to bring you closer, to pull you down onto his tongue the way you wanted him to. His grasp on you was firm, but his thumb drew soothing circles against your skin, right where the fat of your thighs met your hips. 

Once you were a mere puddle of yourself, limply lying across the couch, Eren licked his lips clean to reveal his flashy smile. He didn’t look for the photograph this time—a lesson in patience—but crawled onto the couch to pull you into his arms. 

Eren tucked your head beneath his chin, his nose pushed into the crown of your head, breathing you in. He smoothed a loving hand up and down your back, your cheek pressed against his chest.

“Five left. Think you can handle it?”