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well everyday you learn something new
How to Argue Like an Asshole
Good evening, friends, let me tell you some Secrets on how to argue like (and with) assholes. I’m writing this because I keep running into a particular asshole, and I need to stop engaging with them, and so this is an instruction sheet for myself as well as you guys.
First, try to avoid assholes; they don’t deserve your time and energy. But, if an Argument is unavoidable, here are a few tips on how to emerge unscathed.
Let go of the idea that you’re going to win.
You’re not gonna win. Nobody wins in an argument with an asshole. But, on the other hand, you can make them lose. You can deprive them of their entertainment and their triumph.
How???
Do not present your side of this debate.
This is so counter-intuitive for most of us who believe in things like, oh, science, or real facts, or the idea that real facts can be determined by science. Here’s a cool terrible thing about humans: certainty has nothing to do with facts. And when people are certain, that is when they become assholes.
When someone’s only goal is to win an argument, any real evidence or facts you give them is just ammunition for them to turn against you.
You will not convince them. So what should you be doing?
Destroy their arguments.
This is a thing of joy, because it’s what assholes are used to doing. They are, at heart, morons who don’t know how to construct, only how to destroy.
I used to be super emotional about arguments like this. I couldn’t think of anything to say while the other person ranted on about their horrifying bigotry. Now I’m a lawyer, and I’ve learned to weaponize my essentially nitpicky nature. For money.
So here are some easy tactics you can remember and deploy:
- Make them define the words they use. Nitpick the definitions.
- Turn questions back on them. If they ask you “why do you believe x”, ask them why they believe y. If they pull some “I asked first” shit, ask them why they’re afraid to defend their beliefs.
- Call them emotional. If possible, pick out specific emotions. This is especially devastating when you’re debating a man, as he will get more emotional as a result.
- “Why is that funny? I don’t get it.” Making people explain mean jokes can be a delight; they just wilt the more you question them about the underlying assumptions.
- Laugh at any especially dumb shit. Like they use some slogan or catchphrase that’s obviously untrue, due to science, or essentially ridiculous, like “we’ve made America great again,” and you just blurt out laughing. If they get mad, tell them – oh, so sorry, I’ll shut up, I’m giving you the floor to talk about your beliefs. I’m respecting you. This is a goddamn power move. It gives you the high ground, and also the implied control over the situation. The floor belongs to you, but you are yielding it to someone because you can.
- If they make an awkward exit, let them. Especially if they call the discussion “political.” It means they’re feeling attacked. Graciously allow them to retreat with their tail between their legs. If they storm off, allow them to do that too. Congratulations; you’ve ended the argument and you don’t have to deal with it anymore.
Basically: hand the asshole a shovel, and let ‘em dig. Relieve yourself of the burden to convince them they are wrong, and just sour their fun instead.
–
Additionally, these are the tactics that assholes use, consciously or subconsciously, all the time. Recognize them. Once you know what they are, you can become immune to the intimidation and belittling tactics.
Good luck.
Powerpuff Girls was actually a show about a group of small children crushing the patriarchy and no one will convince me otherwise
How to Escape a Hair Grab or a Neck Grab ? Look at them, carefully.
tai chi pants on http://www.icnbuys.com/tai-chi-pants give you surprise at the new year.
follow back
Okay so I’m slowly falling in love with the idea of Percy being a son of Aphrodite because that au would be so neat like-
Percy still having his troublemaker smile and messy windswept hair and sea green eyes but there’s a certain almost uncomfortable beauty to him, inspiring a slight, undefinable uneasiness in most others because his eyes are almost too green and too deep and his crooked troublemaker smile dimples his left cheek in the most radiant way and even his messy windswept hair looks like it was supposed to be tousled in that way and all of his imperfections some how make him more appealing.
And because people don’t really understand where this uneasiness comes from so it just furthermore gets Percy labeled as a troublemaker at first glance.
Percy getting teased with/nicknamed ‘Pretty Percy’
Grover finding Percy at Yancy Academy because his smell is so potent that he knows that Percy must be powerful.
When Nancy Bobofit dumps her food onto Grover’s lap, Percy snaps for her to go jump in the fountain and to his surprise she actually does it and he’s never been so confused in his life.
(This of course starts the chain reaction that ends with him passing out on the deck of the Big House with the golden haired girl saying that he must be the one)
Annabeth Chase, Daughter of Apollo, gives him the tour around camp.
After Capture the Flag when Percy gets claimed there’s such a sense of disappointment from everyone - the kid who killed the minotaur with its own horn was a son of Aphrodite? Seriously?
But the disappointment is quickly replaced with shock when Percy disarms Luke at sword practice without even lifting his sword. He just told Luke to drop his sword, and without a second thought, Luke did.
Silena is the one who tells Percy about charmspeak.
He still becomes a master swordsman and is still one of the most powerful, if not the most powerful demigods of the series.
His charmspeak goes from being something that happened either on accident or in dire situations to being more potent then you could imagine. It freaks out a lot of people because he could tell you to do anything, and you would comply without a second glance.
He can actually feel love, whether it be romantic, platonic or otherwise. He’ll sense it between partners and families and friends, and he tries to describe it and how each love is distinct and different but no one quite understands - everyone except for Aphrodite that is.
One of his powers that he discovers later on in the series is the ability to manipulate love and everything that goes with it. It goes far beyond the trivial, relationship-ending things his siblings do. The love that he can feel and sense between people - he can ruin it, he can make it so it was if it was never there. He can turn that passion into burning hatred. He can turn want into obsessive desire. And that’s when he understands what Aphrodite says when she says that love can bring the gods to their knees.
He’s still the child of the prophecy. Aphrodite considers herself the oldest god, being created out of Ouranos. When he was defeated his immortal essence created the sea foam from which Aphrodite was born.
But now onto the cute headcanons of Aphrodite!Percy
Being absolute dorks with his siblings.
Playing princess dress up with Lacy and letting her do his makeup
Getting teased mercilessly by Silena for his totally obvious crush on Annabeth.
Using his charmspeak to tease and flirt with Annabeth.
Annabeth and him being jokingly known as the ‘flower’ couple of the camp because she’s sunshine and he’s love even though they’re both scary af.
Percy speaking fluent french
Percy speaking fluent french to Annabeth
Percy knowing that he’s attractive and being overly dramatic with hair flips and posing.
Percy using his aphrodite-esque powers and looks to become suddenly extremely alluring to Annabeth - which she then blushes and punches him in the arm while he snickers.
Percy breaking the stigmas that go along with being a child of Aphrodite.
this is incredible
Marinette: Adventures at Camp-Halfblood
When Marinette arrived at camp at just six-years-old dressed in pink with pigtails in her hair and was shoved into Hermes cabin until she was claimed; most of the other campers hedged their bets on who her godly parent was. She was a sweet girl with a cheerful deposition that could easily brighten anyone’s day. She also favored sketching and most artistic endeavors so half the campers thought Apollo was her father.
Keep reading
Marinette: Iron Man’s Minion: Rising
Over 30 people sent me ask requesting a sequel. I usually don’t do sequels. Its messy and rarely as good as the first. Hoepfully, you like this.
Tony just sighed at sight four kids and his robot picketing his workshop. Rhodey just looked overly pleased. The sun was had rose. He had just finished up for the day. Only to be met with… whatever the hell this was.
Honestly, he hadn’t thought they were serious. At least he didn’t think Peter was serious. Peter was the sweet one; 90 percent of time, he followed Tony’s rules to the letter, never giving too much problems.
…Harley, on the hand, liked to start shit.
Keep reading
Marinette: Iron Man’s Minion: Rising
Over 30 people sent me ask requesting a sequel. I usually don’t do sequels. Its messy and rarely as good as the first. Hoepfully, you like this.
Tony just sighed at sight four kids and his robot picketing his workshop. Rhodey just looked overly pleased. The sun was had rose. He had just finished up for the day. Only to be met with… whatever the hell this was.
Honestly, he hadn’t thought they were serious. At least he didn’t think Peter was serious. Peter was the sweet one; 90 percent of time, he followed Tony’s rules to the letter, never giving too much problems.
…Harley, on the hand, liked to start shit.
Keep reading
the fight is harder each year.
omg i am laughing so hard at the Miss Universe costume category
you got poland lookin nice
Namibia workin it
Costa Rica goin big, what did you expect
Haiti fuckin rockin it
Great Britain got damn
Switzerland hell yeah
and then
….Miss USA.
we had to be a fucking transformer
All Padmé Amidala’s costumes:
Because Padmé is the only fashion icon we need.
The Phantom Menace:
1. The “Negotiations with the Separatists” Dress:
2. The “Queen will not Approve” Outfit:
3. The “Space is Cold” Dress:
4. The “That’s Something I Cannot Do” Dress:
5. The “Vote of No Confidence” Dress:
6. The “I‘ve Decided to Go Back to Naboo” Dress:
7. The “I Welcome your Help” Dress:
8. The “I’m Queen Amidala” Outfit:
9. The “Peace Victory” Dress:
Attack of the Clones:
10. The “Cordé” Outfit:
11. The “Do you Have any Idea who’s Behind this Attack?” Dress:
12. The Coruscant White Nightgown:
13. The “Royal Senator” Dress:
14. The “I Don’t Like this Idea of Hiding” Dress:
15. The “You’ve Changed So Much” Dress:
16. The “Meeting with the Queen” Dress:
17. The “He’s not my Boyfriend” Dress:
A scene that never made it to final cut: Anakin and Padmé visit her family on Naboo.
18. The “I Love the Water” Dress:
19. The “You’re Making Fun of Me” Dress:
20. The “Dinner” Dress:
21. The “We’d Be Living a Lie” Dress:
22. The “Nightmare” Nightgown:
23. The “Tatooine” Cloak:
24. The “Greek Goddess” Outfit:
25. The “There are Things No one Can Fix” Dress:
26. The “I’m going to save Obi-Wan” Outfit:
27. The “Secret Wedding” Dress:
Revenge of the Sith:
28. The Poster Dress:
This look never made it to the final cut of “Revenge of the Sith” and it was used for the poster only.
29. The “Ani, I’m pregnant” Dress:
30. The “Ani, I want to have our baby back home on Naboo” Nightgown:
31. The “We May Be on the Wrong Side” Dress:
32. The “I’m Not Going to Die in Childbirth, Ani” Dress:
33. The “Staring out the Window” Dress:
34. The “Attack on the Jedi Temple” Nightgown:
35. The “This is How Liberty Dies” Dress:
36. The “I don’t Believe You” Dress:
37. The “Anakin, You’re Breaking my Heart” Outfit:
38. The “Funeral” Dress:
well there nothing to lose with this
i need more of this plis !!
Watch The Eyes: Parisians in Gotham [10]
Marinette knew that Lila was determined to make this trip as bad as possible for her. She wasn't sure which angle she was going for, so whatever it was, it put the heroes of Paris on edge. Everyone else may be blind to Lila's shit, but at least her partner, Adrien, was on her side. She doesn't know how she would have survived these last two years without him.
Mlle. Bustier handed out all the key cards, Marinette rooming with Alya, Juleka with Rose, Mylene with Alix, Sabrina with Chloe, and Lila in the necessary single.
'That spells bad news for someone,' she thought.
Lila's face morphed into a fake sad and scared look.
"Mlle. Bustier," she started to blubber. "You put me by myself but I'm afraid of the dark. I don't think I can stay in a strange room all by myself."
Other than Marinette and Alix, all the girls faces took up a look of concern. Alya was the first to speak.
"Oh, Lila. That's ok! I can switch with you, and you can share with..." she trailed off when she saw Marinette's expression.
There was a few beats of silence. No one else offered their spot.
'Oh, great. That someone is me.'
"No, Alya, it's fine. I'll switch with Lila and you can room together," Marinette sighed.
"Marinette, that's so sweet of you!" Lila looked close to fake tears. She grabbed her and pulled her in for a hug, her finger tips purposely digging into the smaller girls shoulders. Lila hid her wicked smile in Marinette's hair. It was a good thing Marinette was facing away from the others, as she couldn't hide her face scrunching up with distaste at the sudden unwelcome hug.
First step, isolation, completed.
Lila pulled away just as quickly, not wanting to touch the girl she disliked so much for longer than she had to. After all, how else would she win everyone over but by pretending to love someone who didn't even like her.
As much as this was a win for Lila, it was also a win for Marinette, the one who actually sacrificed for a girl she didn't like. And everyone knew that she and Lila weren't friends. That just supported Adrien's "everyday Ladybug" phrase from Hero's Day two years back. All the students on the class shot her smiles and grateful looks. Especially Alix, who has been onto Lila for quite some time. She elbowed Kim and he gave her a light shove back.
Mlle. Bustier sighed deeply. She had suspected for a long while that Lila disliked Marinette, but she hadn't a clue why. Yes, Marinette had been quick to call her a liar at the beginning but nothing has really happened since. Plenty of time to improve their relationship. But teenage girls don't work like that. Instead of voicing her long held opinion, she instead led the group of teens into the hotel and towards the floor they all had their rooms on.
The hotel was lovely even though it contained a startling amount of white. Especially considering, based on what Marinette has seen, how dark the city itself is. It was like the entire city was going though its emo phase at once. Nothing like Paris, the city of lights.
'Gotham could be the city of gargoyles,' she thought dryly.
Adrien sped up to walk beside her. He looked at her with a slight smile.
"Sorry you had to give up your room with Alya," he spoke lowly. "I don't think anyone else would have done it in your position."
She shrugged.
"As class president I have to make sure everyone is taken care of, right?" she asked sarcastically.
Adrien snorted. He gave her a pat on the shoulder before falling back to walk with Nino to their room.
Marinette and Mlle. Bustier's rooms formed a cap on either end of their group. Lila and Alya were two doors down from her while Adrien and Nino were three doors down across the hall.
Taking her luggage in her left hand, she unlocked her room and pushed the door open. It was nice, she decided. Not too much but definitely not modest. Mr. Wayne was a billionaire after all.
"Mari," Alya called.
She poked her head back out her open door.
"I'll come visit when I get settled?" she offered.
"Sounds great!" Marinette called back.
Closing the door behind her so Tikki could come out, Marinette took a few steps into her room for the next three weeks. There was a lot of white, like the lobby, accented with blue paintings and lampshades in an attempt to bring the room together. A nice closet where she immediately hung up Alya's dress. She would pass it off to her best friend when she dropped by later. A bathtub with a glass door instead of a curtain. All around a decent room.
"That was nice of you to trade with Lila," Tikki broke the silence.
"Well, I'm certain if I hadn't she would have found a way to use it against me. You know how she is."
Tikki floated over and landed on her holders shoulder while Marinette folded Nino's pocket square. She would have made one for Adrien too, but his father had insisted he wear one if his designs to the gala. Less work for her, obviously, but it would have been nice for all her closest friends to be wearing something of hers.
"This is going to be a great trip, Marinette. I'm sure everyone will have a good time and it will all be thanks to you!" the tiny goddess praised.
She was filled with a warmth that only came when receiving compliments from someone who's opinions genuinely matter. As she was unpacking her clothing, she allowed her mind to wander. Her soulmate was here. On this side of the Atlantic. In this city.
"Do you think I'm going to meet him here, Tikki?"
"Your soulmate?" she asked.
Marinette nodded.
"I think so. The timing feels right," Tikki smiled to herself fondly.
"What?" she gave the kwamii a small poke.
Giggling, she shook her head.
"It's nothing. It's just I usually get taken up by a holder later in life. I don't usually get to see a Ladybug actually meet her soulmate!"
Marinette considered that for a moment before looking at the kwamii, now floating in front of her.
"Well, I'm glad you're here. I'd don't know what I'd do without you," her warm expression slowly devolved into a pensive one.
"What's wrong," Tikki asked.
"He's a Robin. A hero. He'll have a secret identity. What if... what if we meet but he doesn't want to see me? What if he doesn't want me to know who he is?"
Tikki blinked, uncertain of how to respond.
"I guess you'll just have to see," she tried.
"And what about me? I'm a hero too. Am I able to just... trust him right off? And what about Adrien? What would I tell him about all this? I trust him more than anything, but, can I even tell him who my soulmate really is?"
Her nervous ramblings were cut off by a knock at the door, reminding Marinette that she had been putting off even telling Alya she had a soulmate for two weeks. She was most likely going to be mad for keeping a secret of this magnitude. Especially since she told Adrien.
'Well maybe she doesn't need to know that I told Adrien.'
Opening the door, her expression remained neutral, lacking her usual bright smile at the sight of her friend.
"Girl, thank you so much for compromising with Lila about the rooms. I promise I'll make it up to you!" the auburn haired girl promised.
The smile slowly returned to Marinette's face, brightening up the whole room.
"It was no big deal, Alya. I was happy to help. Oh! I have your dress ready," she remembered.
She clasped her hands together and leaned forward, "Can I see?"
She swept Alya into the room, closing the door behind her. Reaching into the closet, she pulled out a completed floor length gown. It was orange. Not bright enough to be gaudy, but enough to draw attention to the person wearing it. It was sleeveless and high neck sewn with careful embroidery, MDC in careful script along the back of the collar.
The high neck was made up of a sweetheart neckline and a low back, covered over with a sheer chiffon connected to the collar. The hand sewn embroidery had a hidden motif of foxes playing concealed among the flowers and small crystals she had painstakingly added. You could only see them if you looked closely. Another layer of chiffon layered over the orange skirt to add to the swish. Enough Rena Rouge to make Nino smile, but not enough for anyone else to be suspicious.
Alya literally screamed.
"SHHHHH! Alya!" Marinette tried to shush her.
"You made this? Girl, it's so beautiful! I can't believe I get to wear an MDC Original to this gala!" Alya spun around.
Marinette shook her head and rolled her eyes.
"You've worn my stuff before."
"But that was before! Now you're a real fancy pants designer with a name and brand!" she gushed. "You are the BEST!"
Marinette carefully passed the dress over to her friend who immediately held it up and and turned toward the mirror across from the closet. Her face had a grateful smile spreading across it.
"Thank you so much, Mari," she whispered.
Marinette'r return smile faded when she remembered the important conversation she was meant to have with her best friend.
"Alya, can you sit for a minute?" she asked quietly.
The blogger sobered at the shorter girl's serious expression. She nodded and set the dress back in the closet to be collected when she left. Hopping up on Marinette's bed, she patted the sheets beside her, inviting her to sit on her own bed. That did not garner a smile like it usually would have. And Marinette did not sit.
Standing in front of where Alya was now seated, looked her friend in the eyes.
"Two weeks ago I switched bodies with my soulmate."
She paused, waiting for a reaction. Alya just sat there, eyes wide. Taking that as her cue to continue, Marinette kept going.
"I know from the language and time difference that he is from the Americas. I know that I will be meeting him at some point within the next year. All signs point to me meeting him in Gotham, much sooner than I had originally anticipated. But it could be anyone. I didn't get to see his face. But I know for a fact he has seen yours. And Adrien's and Nino's."
After she was through with her info dump, Alya just sat there for a moment, buffering. She blinked a few times to clear her thoughts.
"Two weeks... you mean your birthday? You've known you have a soulmate since your birthday and you didn't tell me?" Alya asked.
Marinette winced.
"Yes. I have. I'm sorry I didn't tell you... but I wanted to research and figure it out myself before I really told anyone else. It wasn't my intent to shut you out purposefully."
"Is that why you've been acting all weird? We haven't hung out and you've been super serious since your birthday," she accused.
She pressed her lips together.
"I believe so. From what I could gather on the bond, which frankly was not much, each person would begin to act more and more like their soulmate up until they meet. So... I guess there's a boy out there spazzing over everything and tripping up the stairs."
Alya held back a giggle. She was still mad. But not that mad. She was happy that her friend told her at all considering how stern and blunt she had been acting. Alya was afraid she had done something wrong to elicit this reaction out of the normally sweet girl. But apparently this was all her soulmate's doing. He must be an interesting character.
"So... what's the game plan?" she asked.
Smiling gratefully at her best friend, Marinette shrugged.
"I don't know. I guess I was hoping he would find me. I don't have a lot to go on about him. It was 6 am so I couldn't see where he goes to school or who his friends are. And... I think he has a brother? But... I didn't get a good look at his face," she stumbled over her half truth.
It felt like less and less truth came out of her mouth every day.
"Well, what do you have?" Alya twisted a piece of hair around her finger.
"Not much." 'A nickname and a secret identity.'
Alya squinted at her. "Well, that's not productive."
The young designer nodded.
"I know," she said in English.
Alya was taken aback for a moment before remembering where they were. Of course her soulmate would speak English if they lived in Gotham. She nodded thoughtfully.
"I guess it's a good thing one of us speaks English."
"It's a good thing my soulmate speaks French!" Mari shot back with a smirk.
Alya laughed before cutting off with a much darker look.
"Don't think you're off the hook for not telling me."
Marinette nodded, sheepish.
The smile returned and Alya jumped up, startling her best friend. She ran to the closet and pulled out the dress again.
"Come on. I wanna show Nino!"
"Oh, I have a tie for him to match!" she went to say, but Alya was already out the door.
Marinette grabbed Nino's gift as well as her room key before following Alya's excited pace down the hall. She knocked loudly on the door. Adrien answered. He perked up when he saw that it was them, and was almost bouncing when he saw what was in Alya's hands.
"Nino!" he called into the room.
"Yeah, dud- oh. Hey, dudettes!"
Alya gave Adrien a small poke to make him let her in. Marinette followed a few seconds later. She managed to lean in and inconspicuously whisper to her partner.
"If she says anything, act like you didn't know."
Adrien looked confused for a moment before realization dawned on his face. He nodded once. Meanwhile Alya was eagerly showing off her dress to her boyfriend, who was smiling along with her. He glanced over at the other two in the room. Catching his eye, Marinette held up his complementary tie and pocket square to go with Alya's dress. His smile widened.
"Babe, look! We get to match."
"Ooooooooh! Marinette, you are a goddess."
Marinette laughed.
@vixen-uchiha @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @violatiger8 @mochinek0 @constancetruggle @yamadochie @seraphichana @captainmac6 @nataladriana9 @iggy-of-fans @riarkle-felinettelove @luciferge @mystery-5-5 @mellownieice @northernbluetongue @imanerddealwith @ayuchan07 @poshplumcot @annabellabrookes @legendaryneckjudgestudent @chez-pezeater @friedchickening @da-tasuky @crazylittlemunchkin @g-arya @i-like-fairytail-and-stuff @witchbitch1998 @theatreandcomicfreak @lysslovsanime @zalladane @tbehartoo @goggles-mcgee @tumbling-down-hills-and-stuff @kanamexzeroyaoifangirl @melicmusicmagic @reichi-vogart @ladybug-182 @chaosace @mariae2900 @vivilakitty @xxmadamjinxx @akbtch @7701deathlyhalfbloodprincess @elspethshadow @danielslilangel @tinyterror333 @maynora @anjuschiffer @creator-josie @thecatnipmademedoit @jessigurl-design @allolale @caffeine-theory @zerotosiki @oscarwilde-hellyeah
@cassiejaydee
@schrodingers25
@synnesstra
I decided to give my fic a name! So all new chapters will be under that from now on and I'm also gonna go back and add it to all the previous chapters. Just my little heads up in case any of yall were confused! 😊
Smol Damien Maribat Au
this is such a random idea but imagine: 11 year old Damien seeing 15 year old Marinette transform into Ladybug. Or detransform. This girl who took his moody ass preteen agnst with a smile and offered him cookies and fenced with him and was actually almost decent. This girl who, upon the class/school being kidnapped by X Rogue Gallery Villain (Probably the Riddler. Or Penguin. Someone low-key not going to murder her. but that’s not the point.) Sacrificing herself up to deal with whatever weird mind-games they had in store, giving Damien time to contact Bruce. This girl who then kicked ass and took names and reversed the damage but still checked on everybody else.
Damien thinks about the Hero Rules his father has tried to instill in him. Thinks about Marinette. Ignores her frantic freaking out and trying to explain and just. Takes her hand. Takes her back to Wayne Manor.
“We have a sister now.”
“holy shit its fucking GENETIC. BRUCE. BRUUUCE! THE DEMON SPAWN KIDNAPPED A GIRL!”
“he wHAT?!”
And Bruce is like. Damien. Son. You can’t just kidnap girls, no matter how much you like them. Or how heroic you think they are. He’s sure her family, the family she’ll be going back to in a few weeks, the family in PARIS, will miss her.
And somehow Damien weasels in visits? Back and forth? And Marinette coos over him bc he didn’t really spill her secret like she asked and she’s very grateful and Damien is adorable. She likes her new baby brother.
Jason wonders what the hell kind of powers Mari has to reign in the Demon Spawn into something vaguely resembling a real human child.
Tim is looking between Damien, Bruce, and Marinette, and wondering if it is, in fact, genetic. This is just kinda suspect.
Dick is cackling like HELL YEAH NEW SISTER! BABY BRO AND BABY SIS HE’S SO READY! LETS BOND!
Alfred just sighs but takes it in stride. Mentally starts picking out Mari’s new room and costume. Though apparently she designs? Perhaps she’ll convince the family to have a costume revamp. (She absolutely does. Their costumes offend her delicate sensibilities.)
Also Damien just shows up and commends Tom and Sabine on raising Mari and they’re? Confused? But okay.
They have a son now. They feed him all the things.
Damien also gets the Rooster Miraculous when he’s in Paris so he can run around with Ladybug. And kicks Chat in the shin. Often. That’s HIS sister, don’t flirt with his sister! This is completely unprofessional. Robin would make a much better Chat Noir. Replace him.
Mari is just long suffering. Bundles up her baby brother and gives him lots of snuggles while he pouts and protests. He is a mighty assassin! He does not need sisterly affection! … Though science shows that hugs are proven to increase serotonin levels so he SUPPOSES she can continue. He needs all the good feelings he can in Paris.
Chat wonders where the hell this little bundle of feathers came from and if his Lady will be mad if he tosses him off the side of the Eiffel Tower.
Headcanons
It’s very specific to my own story but if it inspires you in some way, then I’m glad it came in handy
Best friends Adrien and Mari
Diana hearing tales of Ladybug or Lady Luck. Her mother not telling her that she is Lady Luck.
Marinette not minding if she died in her sleep, Alya gets very worried. “It’s peaceful, no pain, no fear, just tranquility. This just makes Alya feel more guilty for not being there.
Damian really wants to test Mari, ever since that video and since she threatened him.
after getting to know Marinette better, Damian calls her beautiful and other compliments in Arabic. like my flower, and my radiant sun.
Marinette thinks its teasing until one day she sees the way how he says it and how soft he looks. She allows herself to fall deeper in love.
She and Adrien have revealed and tried to date but both ended up not making each other happy or content.
late hour talks about things, embarrassing stuff they share and confirming each other’s disappearance for peers. Gets very complicated once JL gets in to help. Year 3 they reveal. Year 6, it ends. Hawkmoth is gone.
everyone thinks they are dating, in reality, they’re just best friends and not even Alya knows how much they’ve shared
Mayura/Natalie is showing up less and less but always makes a great senti monster when it counts
Damian keeps his guards up around Marinette and her friends when they meet as civilians
Marinette is worried that it’s another guy asking to see her throat so before Damian even speaks she threatens him to keep shut about it unless he wants a beating.
it’s said that Damian was smitten by that point.
the same issue arises when she gets another injury after her throat is no longer red and raw. The new ones are on her ribs and chest.
its date night for them and a group of guys start asking to see her ‘battle scar’ and dramatically shows them.
Because they recognize her from the news. And you know assholes.
Or or. She tells off about how this isn’t some sideshow and no matter how ugly a scar it tells their trauma and story. both at the same time.
Alya, Jason, and dick were tailing them because it’s their second date and no one has any idea where their first one was.
(Raven helped Damian set up the first one.)
They record every moment.
sometimes when its bad Mari gets claustrophobic but is very subtle about her panic. she scratches one of her main arteries that run up and down on her neck, she does it subconsciously, once one side is hurting she moves onto the other one.
Damian caught her one time and she’s like what? she pulls away and the panic sets again and she’s resisting the urge to just scratch harder, so she settles for twiddling her thumbs.
Mari has ADHD, it’s mellowed a lot since childhood. Insomnia plays in on that and she hates not moving, its hero instinct and her nature.
tt
Nino’s the kind to go with the flow kind but he sees this rift that Lila makes and just disappears
Alya always notices so she goes finds him
Now it’s a test to see if she doesn’t do it one day that he knows shes changed
Nino doesn’t know what to do he has to be adult about it, he tells Alya but is rejected, saying that “he just always go with the flow and sometimes he has to go with his flow
so he takes a break on Alya and says he’s going to further his career before Alya can even figure out who she is.
and Alya is just really confused because she knows who she is and is mad at Nino. Nino never felt more relieved when they finally got back together after the whole Incident ™.
Risk (the bat fam find out the hard way to never ask Mari to a game)
Bruce and Tim went head to head with Mari and almost won (After they were scared to death)
Tim was with some of Mari’s friends and it was game night, they were naive then. Tim started listing off board games and Nino tries to stop him before he says the name “ris-”
Max starts to panic, “He got to s, HE GOT TO S!!” they try to calm him down.
Mari knocks on the door once and they turn to look and It’s her and they are freaking the fuck out.
Damian says one moment they were together and then disappeared in the next.
They were on the other side of the city, it was a 40-minute drive out.
Alfred doesn’t know how she came in, neither does bruce. The cameras caught nothing; no glitches, no loops she was just found their one moment.
Nooroo is passed to Lila but they capture the peacock and its cure, but Emilie not so much. Gabrial calls his apprentice to be Natalie.
Mari asks if Lila had something to do with this.
Dami witness Maris worst and best, as both her and ladybug, vice versa
She does come to terms about how one is not without the other, she learns this from Damian “I am an Al Ghul, a Wayne and a Robin, but goddamnit Mari I’m mother fucking Damian first.”
its the first time he’s yelled at her, she takes it to heart, she was smitten
they court for the longest fucking time. Its 4 years after they unofficial court and he proposes in the middle of a fight they are both smitten for each other.
once the Adrien crush is gone she gives him all his premade presents and makes the chest her fabric chest.
D: “MARINETTE DUPAIN-CHENG WE LIVE IN A MANSION WHY ARE YOU EATING CEREAL OUT OF A PLASTIC TABLEWARE”
M: “YOU ATE CEREAL WITH A FORK BEFORE AND YOU DON’T SEE ME COMPLAINING”
Tim is the only one to point out what happened to the bowls, Alfred no longer questions it.
Running to where Marinette is, he exposed her. “I KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO THE BOWLS MARI”
Mari slurps up cereal out of plastic tableware for a long time they lock eyes. Very quietly she whispers. “Tikki” “Spots on.” And yeets outta the window.
She calls Damian later after a couple of hours. “Is it okay to come home.” Damian is cackling. “I don’t know what you did to make Tim mad but I love it.”
“At the expense of Tim, I’ll take it.” It’s the first time he’s ever remotely said the L-word.
Tim: Did you just give me your leftover food? Jason: “Yeah” T: What am I? Your second-hand bitch? J: no you’re my main bitch T: Wait then that means you have other bitches J: what you think I’m a one hoe pimp?
Mini Ladd Memes
T: “You wanna see my penis.” crouched like a gremlin and moving towards. Marinette IMMEDIATELY turning to Tim. “SVEBE!” Damian looking at the two in disgust. “Disgusting”
The two look in shock and can’t stop laughing because they have no idea if he actually knows what they’re talking about but neither answers him when he asks why they laugh now.
Bruce has caught Tim and Mari going “MMMMMMMMM” and T posing to each other. Mari goes red and super embarrassed about it, Tim never lets her forget. Its called “coming out to dad” between the two.
Nino doesn’t want to touch this and he won’t.
“Leave my eight-foot-tall son alone,” Marinette says this as Tim is perched on the bat computer. They chuckle and try to get through the bit but can’t stop laughing.
“robin an actual robin, go my vegan birdy.” Drunk Mari at some point. like shes 18 and can drink
Other stuff
(shared on the maribat discord) Sometimes when Marinette picks something up, something behind her away falls onto the floor. “Mom, it happened again.” It’s the same object but somewhere else. Picks up her pencil and a random pencil rolls down to her feet.
At one point Tim dared Marinette to pick someone up from the Bat fam. Before she even attempts to pick up Damian, she asked everyone to gather. Once that was done, she let out a big “Sorry!” and picks up Damian.
Tim ate shit, the rest of batfam have no clue what happened
Tikki says its the balance from her luck from being Ladybug. She later notices that she’s not as clumsy as before, Damian says it’s her confidence showing and they share a moment
Damian to Marinette at some point. “Stop taking pictures of my food Mari”
i need more of this !!!!
it soo good, it a masterpiece
Mademoiselle Mari
Insp. by a comment on the Maribat Discord:
Buckle up, biches.
We’re gonna pull deep into DC canon for the French codename for female superheroes, Mademoiselle Marie, in use since the 18th century through the World Wars and probably beyond. Alfred Pennyworth worked closely with “Mademoiselle Marie” in the past.
In this universe, its expanded into a French government-sponsored training program, training little girls in espionage and assassinry since the Cold War. These program heads aren’t monsters; the girls still live with their families, still go to civilian school, they just occasionally “take trips to see distant relatives”.
Their parents are aware that their daughters are doing government work, and there’s a benefit package unlike any other available within the country. Salary is set aside in trust for “Marie” until she hits adulthood (precaution in case of shitty parents) and a stipend besides for her and her parents to use as they see fit. These girls get a full-ride “scholarship” to any accredited global university of their choice. Only the best of the best risk their lives for wet-work necessary for the good of France. These girls become unsung heroes of France, and they receive glowing recommendations when they decide to move on from the program.
Still, it’s not something the Dupein-Cheng family had thought of for their daughter, it’s not a well-known program after all. The handlers don’t have an eye on her until new mayor of Paris, freshly divorced, André Bourgeois brings the girl “bullying his little princess” to their attention. And that is how six-year-old Marinette Dupein-Cheng is brought into the program.
Now, Marinette, tiny little bi-racial girl, is competitive, and this program is something she enjoys, learning from adults and “older sisters” on how to tumble, dance, act, create, and make new friends– both in person with the other girls, and through letters to former agents and outside contacts. They craft a network based on previously established agency contacts and expand upon them as they move out in the world.
Marinette quickly becomes a star student, moving on to weapons training, and eventually becomes one of the first to graduate in her batch and she travels the world as pre-teen superspy “Mademoiselle Marie”. (Whose last name changes by assignment.)
This is how she meets Damian Al Ghul, prince of the League of Assassins for the first time, though he’s introduced to her as “independent contractor” Caracal. He clocks her as trained, and a threat right away, and takes his standard precautionary measure. He attempts to murder her.
Attempts, because Mari is just as trained as he is, if not as lethally inclined. He quickly finds himself pinned under her knee, knife to his throat. (Later, he insists that he was having an off day, helplessly grateful that he hadn’t succeeded.) But in the moment they agree to a truce and go their own way, Marie Simon to her “parents”, Caracal to the shadows from whence he came.
Naturally, the next time they meet they are “distant cousins” on a collaborative wetworks mission in Thessaly, against an uppity German drug lord, and his mad-scientist wife. The mission goes a bit sideways, took more luck than either will admit to pull it off, and they emerge from the aftermath, a grudging respect on both sides. Even if she’s too soft and he’s an arrogant andouille.
Through happenstance and circumstances, they run into each other enough, work together enough, to become friends. Friends, in this case, meaning “person I won’t stab on sight and/or who owes me a favor”. A rarity for Damian.
Marinette thinks otherwise; with friendships among those in her organization, and tentative friendships with some of the boys in école, she considers Caracal an Ally. A lonely sad boy, sure, but more a feral street cat then a friend. It takes more than a few meetings for Marinette to consider him a Ride-or-Die Friend.
Through the years, these two baby assassins grow into a friendship that withstands facing each other as enemies to reunite with no hard feelings at the next meeting between them. After all it’s Just Business, and they both know that well.
And then Hawkmoth.
Marinette can’t be Ladybug, “defender of Paris” when “Mademoiselle Marie” travels across the globe networking for her government and taking down European threats. Marinette reluctantly resigns from her position, and she takes up a red-spotted mantle.
Now the Mlle. Marie Organization aren’t idiots. Marinette Dupein-Cheng retires with accolades, offered a permanent place whenever she finishes her “hiatus”. And if the Parisian Police are instructed from on high to look the other way for Ladybug? Well, it’s best to leave superhero business to superheroes.
People in the organization are Carefully Not Thinking About It.
Completely coincidentally, therapy and healthy coping mechanisms are now mandatory for all operatives working within Paris and the surrounding areas.
That said, she still has to tell her assassin that she’s retiring.
Damian does not take it well.
Not like murder not well.
Like communication blackout and regime change in Peru not well.
Damian gives her the silent treatment. After all, she’s Out. (She abandoned him.)
Little does he know, his mother is working to get him out as well.
Marinette, meanwhile is Not Happy that Mothman Barbie decided to take out his issues on her home turf. The Mlle. Marie project is supposed to be foreign support, and last line of defense. So I mean it’s in her wheelhouse. She just enjoyed her job as a globetrotting pre-teen superspy.
She doesn’t want to be chained down to the homefront, not when there’s so much inspiration out there! Putting all that on hold for Mothman Barbie in Paris, eating into her free time, sleep, and drastically cutting into her social life? Bitch.
Civilian life makes her itch now, stuck in one place with confusing, mandatory, rules. Fictional barriers and preteen posturing, and only one hidden knife? Being Marinette is Suffering™. New friend Alya and pretty-boy Adrien can only relieve it so much.
Yes she has a bit of a crush. He’s pretty and a model. Shut up.
Tikki is pleased she’s got another loyal warrior, a second coming of Jeanne d'Arc, though she wishes Marinette was kinder. That’s something she learns while dealing with Mothman Barbie. Not just how to act kind, to prevent akumas. But how to genuinely be kind. How to unlock the empathy she’d learned to tune out years ago, and how to act altruistically.
During her collège years Marinette juggles the life of a teen superhero, making friends with her class sincerely for the first time in years, something she didn’t get the chance to do with her frequent trips. Beyond Nino and Kim that is.
When Lila comes she deems her as annoying, but not worth her time. Until she’s the one turning her friends into akumas, with broken promises and lies that damage reputations. Marinette has a set future, as long as she keeps to the laws of this land and doesn’t slaughter a bitch. Lila can’t do anything to her. But if she hurts any of her friends, Lila is getting a horse head in her bed, American cliché or not.
Thankfully her crush on Adrien dies a silent death during this time. She can’t see herself with someone who won’t stand up for himself, nor with someone who enables a pathological liar that is one move away from harming the rest of her friends. She’s unspeakably grateful for that when Mothman Barbie is revealed to be his absentee father and Mayura to be the closest thing he has to a living mother. She’s able to focus her attention on his mental state and not how stupidly pretty he is.
Adrien is cemented as her best friend and platonic life partner in a catsuit. Adrien, once he got over his crush on the “idol” Ladybug, is happy to treat her the same. He’s just glad that his Lady won’t leave him for what his family had done.
Despite Mari’s wishes, Ladybug can’t retire just yet. People come out of the woodwork to fill in the vacuum left behind from the fashion-blind terrorist that held Paris in fear for three years. Ladybug is a celebrity, and Paris would be left uneasy if the city’s heroes left them undefended. She trains to be a guardian with Master Fu, to find more permanent Miraculous holders to take up the defense of Paris, and later the world. She finally has the free time to devote to her fashion commissions and to pick up the occasional job with her old organization.
It’s mid-way through lycée that Jagged invites her as his plus one to a charity gala in the United States. As his designer, and as an inconspicuous bodyguard that has combat training (far more than he knows), Marinette is the best choice when Penny is on leave. It gives his favorite niece the chance to network with American big shots, and get her brand noticed by more than just a few fashion moguls in Paris.
Which leads us to today. Marinette Dupein-Cheng– agent on leave, teenage superhero, aspiring designer, and temporary bodyguard of her surrogate uncle– spots a very familiar profile across the room.
Her assassin, dressed to kill, possibly literally. And she resigns herself to once more being on the opposite side of the boy who cut her out of his life, and any attempts to get in touch with him.
She’s dressed in a MDC original (with more hidden knives on her person than people would think), as she goes through the familiar song-and-dance and slips into the mindset of Mademoiselle Marie.
Stolen glances across the room. How have they been? Will they talk to me again even if I left/left her in silence?
Both are on edge. They are professionals and an unexpected meeting won’t prevent them from keeping their loved ones charges safe.
It’s like they never left the business, the two of them. They don’t know each other. I’ve never seen them before. They can’t have been the murderer because I saw them head to the bathroom. Just don’t. touch. what’s. Mine.
They’re Friends after all.
Thankfully nothing happens at the party.
Damian Wayne saw her. How could he have ignored her, magnetic as she ever was. His eyes periodically drawn to her, partly assessment, partly admiration. When nothing happens at the gala, he figures that she’s changed as much as he has. And Damian has changed. He’s softer and he knows it. He’s been Out almost as long as she has, and in trying to hold to his father’s standards, he doesn’t think he could slip into the mindset of the ruthless prince of assassins so easily any more.
The silence and loss of his first friend on the other hand, was a wound that lingered even as he learned of civilian friendships and built connections with other superheroes around his age. This was a chance to introduce himself to his oldest friend. Without business between them this time.
It’s Damian that does the signal.
Mari trips and giggles at the end of the night over to her assassin. It’s easy after years of “Clumsy Marinette can’t possibly be Ladybug!” She plays up the petite harmless French girl.
“Mon Caracal!” She calls from 3 feet away, stumbling into his arms.
She hugs him, compartmentalizing the muscled form that holds her safely, knowing he can kill her if she plays this wrong.Not without a fight though.
She hugs him more surely, kissing both his cheeks the way neither of them would be allowed outside of acting. “It’s been far too long!”
She pulls away to see him gazing down at her, and wow someone has given him acting lessons because he smiles soft, fond, and far more real than he ever had Before.
“Marie.”
She boops him on the nose. “Marinette.” She teases coyly. She can’t tell him her last name. For the safety of her parents, but also to keep cover as close friends.
“Marinette.” He nods, crooked smile on his face, and away from prying eyes there’s the signal that he’ll keep his mouth shut about her name.
Speaking of prying eyes… “Marinette!” Uncle Jagged calls, making his way over to the pair of them. Her assassin is surprised, though few would be able to tell, at the world-famous rockstar approaching them.
“Uncle Jagged!” She answers, facing him but keeping a hand on the muscled arm of her friend to keep him from attacking, just in case.
She plays up the accent. Just a rockstar with his very French™ niece and her boy toy, nothing to see here!
“Jagged,” she says again looking up at her uncle, “this is my good friend–”
“Damian” her assassin, starstruck or not, can follow his cue.
Between them is the subtle flash of information-true-hidden as she speaks over it to distract Jagged. “–Damian, my caracal.”
Jagged bristles a little, baring his teeth in what those who don’t know him would call a toothy grin, rather than a threat.
“And is Damian rock-and-roll enough for my favorite designer, M?”
“He’s very kind,” she confides with a Marinette-sweet smile. In his own way. she finishes the thought ruefully. A small part of her brain is cackling hysterically.
Jagged relaxes, and drags the both of them forward, holding a polaroid out to snap a picture of the three of them. (“Very Rock-and-Roll!” Jagged had said three months earlier.) He shakes the picture to development, and autographs it with a flourish, before stuffing it into Damian’s hands.
“Well any friend of Marinette’s is a friend of mine! And M? Car leaves in 10.” He smiles, patting them both on the shoulder before sauntering off.
“I.” Damian tries. He sighs.
“Jagged Stone? Jagged? Really Marie?” Damian asks, slipping once more into the familiar nickname. Marinette decided to let it slide, Jagged had that effect on a lot of people.
Marinette shrugs helplessly, before fishing a pen and spare notepad for her to jot down her contact information. It had only been a night but that familiar rush and heady friendship was something that Mari didn’t want to lose if she could help it. She placed the paper with the photograph, putting the lethal pen back in her clutch, and cupping his face in both hands.
“Keep in touch this time? Please mon caracal?” If her begging was a little more heartfelt, well she’d learned a few things too. She kissed his cheek one final time and stepped away.
A hand caught her wrist.
“It hasn’t been the same without you, Marinette.” Damian said, hand slipping into hers, thumb gently brushing the back of it. He lifted her hand and kissed the air above her knuckles, before stepping away and towards the exit.
I must not swoon. I must not swoon. I must not swoon. Marinette chanted internally as she left to find Jagged, already looking forward to turning a Friendship into something more honest. More real.
-Meanwhile, In The Lobby-
“What was that, baby bird?” Dick asked his youngest brother.
“An old friend.” Damian answered tersely, pointedly ignoring the curious stare from his Father and the more obnoxious kissy noises from Todd.
“Hell of an old friend.” Tim commented, sounding almost put out, probably because of the unexpected personal introduction to Jagged Stone and autograph Damien had received. “You let her get close.”
Damian raised an eyebrow at Tim.
Tim rolled his eyes, “PDA close!” he expounded like that explained anything.
Dick must have sensed his confusion, “ You attempted to judo-flip Kor'i when you first met her. And you let this tiny girl hug you and kiss your cheeks.”
Damian scowled, “I’m not that bad!”
“You bit me last week when I went to ruffle your hair!” Jason said, tugging his suit sleeve back to reveal light scarring.
“And?” Damian said, very done with the conversation already.
“We just wanted to know how long you’ve been pining for her, baby bird.” Dick teased.
Damian felt a betraying heat creep up the back of his neck, to his ears and cheeks. “It’s not like that!” He hissed.
“I-” he paused, wondering how he could explain the beautiful, cunning girl who knew of his past, was honestly the best part of it, and how she had watched his back, kept him safe and sane, had killed people on his tail even, without making them regard her as a threat.
His grandfather would have made her an example. Vivisected, drawn and quartered for daring to get close to his perfect weapon.
“I’ve known her for years. We’re Friends, and that means I’ll allow her more than I would you, Todd.”
He stalked forward, as his father called behind him, “You should introduce us when you feel comfortable, Damian.”
He stopped, listening but not daring to turn around.
“After all,” Damian could hear the grin in his father’s voice, “It’ll be nice to meet my future daughter-in-law!”
Screw the Joker, Batman ends right here, right now.
Wow
Ja ja ja made my day
What is Bucky going to do with such a long sleeve? Wrap it around Steve??
This is fantastic!!! I love this girls art
Genderbent!Dick/Babs AU commission for @wombatking
please reblog, do not steal or repost my art
Wow
↳ Batgirl in DC Bombshells #74
It perfect !! 😘
nightwing?? bitch i mightwing
Awwww
i just love them and tis anime so much i just can’t
this is part of my life now and i cant wait to see season 2 and what they will come up with
based on this sweet @zimmboners post
Wow
i hope you feel the same way too