These Sternritter Posts Are Legit Comedy Gold Istg

These Sternritter posts are legit comedy gold istg

If the Sternritter had to live in Ichigo’s closet...

As requested by anon. :)

Previously we considered what would happen if some shinigami or the espada decided to live in Ichigo’s closet. Now it is the Quincy’s turn! If they, for some unfathomable reason, found themselves crashing in Ichigo’s closet, how would that go?

1. BG9: Treats it like a sleepover

BG9: So…what’s your favorite color?

Ichigo: For the last time, go to sleep!

BG9: But you said no tentacles! How am I supposed to get data without tentacles AND while being quiet?

Ichigo: This is not DATA time, this is SLEEP time!

BG9: This is the worst sleepover ever.

Ichigo: THIS ISN’T A SLEEPOVER

2. Gremmy: Shapes the closet to his will

Ichigo: Hey, I’m gonna go out for a while. You okay?

Gremmy: Oh, I am more than okay!

Gremmy: BEHOLD!

Ichigo: …

Ichigo: …

Ichigo: DID YOU TURN MY CLOSET INTO AN AMUSEMENT PARK???

Gremmy: It’s not my fault your wifi kinda sucks.

3. Giselle: Won’t stop trying to turn Ichigo into a zombie

Giselle: Whoopsie! I cut my finger on a clothes hanger!

Giselle: Go get my a bandaid, Kurosaki!

Ichigo (reading manga in bed): I’m not going near your blood, Giselle.

Giselle: That’s fair.

Giselle: …

Giselle: Want some tomato juice?

Ichigo: CUT IT OUT

4. Quilge: Keeps trying to trap Ichigo in the closet

Ichigo: Let’s see, I think I’ll wear my Nice Vibe shirt today.

Ichigo: Now I’ll - 

Ichigo: What the hell?

Ichigo: Why is the closet closed behind me?

Ichigo: [slides closet open]

Quilge: Congratulations, Kurosaki Ichigo! I cannot believe you escaped my Jail!

Ichigo: It’s not hard to open a closet from the inside.

Quilge: Not hard to get out of a ball either, but -

Ichigo: You don’t have to bring that up every three seconds!!

5. Cang Du: Is stoic about closet-living

Ichigo: Sorry my closet is kinda small for a tall guy. You okay?

Cang Du: I am fine.

Ichigo: Sorry that the only pajamas I had are the ones Chad left which have baby bunnies on them.

Cang Du: It is fine.

Ichigo: Sorry that Kon is currently clinging to your head for some reason.

Cang Du: It is fine.

Ichigo: …

Ichigo: So if my clothes get wrinkly can I have you iron them, or…?

Cang Du: You cannot get a rise out of me that easily.

Ichigo: Man, you’re good!

6. Bazz-B: Tries too hard

Bazz-B: Cool shirt, man!

Bazz-B: This shirt is cool too!

Bazz-B: This shirt is Abarai’s eyebrows level of cool!

Ichigo: …why are you looking at all of my shirts and complimenting them?

Bazz-B: Abarai told me you only fight your friends. So I’m becoming your friend.

Ichigo: The fighting comes before the friendship. Not after.

Bazz-B: Oh.

Bazz-B: In that case…

Ichigo: NO

7. Liltotto: Won’t stop eating

Ichigo: Hey, where’s my favorite shirt? The one that’s too small and shows my belly but it’s okay because I wear another shirt under it?

Liltotto: I ate it.

Liltotto: And all of your ugly clothes.

Liltotto: You’re welcome.

Ichigo: W-what??

Liltotto: Your taste in clothes is worse than Bambi’s taste in men, to be honest.

Ichigo: IF YOU WANTED A SNACK YOU COULD HAVE ASKED

8. Bambietta: Keeps inviting Ichigo in

Bambietta: I can’t sleep in this stupid ugly closet, Kurosaki!

Bambietta: Wanna…join me? 

Ichigo: No thanks.

Kon: I’LL JOIN YOU!!!!!!

Ichigo: KON NO

9. Candice: Doesn’t seem to like the closet

Candice: Sleeping in your STUPID CLOSET has RUINED MY HAIR!

Candice: NOW YOU DIE!!!!!!!!

Ichigo: Candice it’s five in the morning can we please do this later?

Candice: NO

10. Askin: Installs a cappuccino maker 

Ichigo: [opens closet]

Askin: Fresh coffee?

Ichigo: [closes closet]

11. Ishida: Tries to be helpful

Ishida: Look, Kurosaki! I added capes to ALL of your shirts!

Ishida: Now everybody will know about your Quincy heritage!

Ichigo: …

Ichigo: …

Ichigo: You also appear to have bleached them all white.

Ishida: Yeah, it’s shocking how much color you had in your clothes!

Ishida: Quincy wear WHITE clothes!

Ichigo: IS THIS WHY I SMELLED BLEACH ALL NIGHT???

12. As Nodt: Treats it like a sleepover

As Nodt: So……….what would you say is your deepest and darkest fear?

As Nodt: Mine is death.

As Nodt: Death is scary.

As Nodt: But you feel more like a “lives while all his friends die” sort of guy.

As Nodt: Spot on or nah?

Ichigo: …I am so done letting people stay here.

Well damn

i was on the bleach subreddit (braver than the us marines etc etc) and someone pointed out that momo's sword transformed mid-swing without her calling for it, which is something that apparently only happens when someone's achieved bankai. MOMO BANKAI ANYONE...

Ninjago rewatches always mess me up because I am now burdened with the knowledge that these two scenes were happening at roughly the same time on opposite sides of town

I don’t know if Segunda Etapa and Ichigo’s Dangai version of his Bankai/Mugetsu could be considered equals. Vasto Lorde Ichigo overpowered Ulquiorra’s second Resurrecion and then Dangai Ichigo was overpowering Hyogoku Aizen’s multiple forms who claimed he was transcending hollows and Shinigami.

Mayuri’s surveillance bacteria are by far Kubo’s greatest “has no relevance except this one fight” concept. Someone should ask him about it at Klub Outside.

the official and fan translations really don't agree on chapter 552:

but if Bankai and Resurreción are equivalent, then Segunda Etapa and Final Bankai are equivalent, and Ulquiorra did it without any drawbacks whatsoever

from chapter 348 it apparently wasn't the first time he'd ever used it, so he could use it as many times as he wanted. Uryū was there for most of the fight (although he admittedly didn't see the transformation), and Uryū:

was infected with surveillance bacteria per chapter 303

in other words Mayuri, via SRDI staff like Akon, should've had footage, if not far more advanced telemetry, of an Espada using Segunda Etapa, the equivalent of a Shinigami's Final Bankai, and should have known it was theoretically possible to stabilize the latter

this man apparently never researched the matter for even an instant, not on Shinigami or on his resurrected Arrancar, nor did he ever talk to Kisuke about it (nor did Ichigo, Uryū, or Orihime) because if that research ever had happened, TYBW would've been the time to use it or at least mention it as being unready

this dude literally has footage of someone operationally going from an atomic bomb (~20 kt) to a hydrogen bomb (~200–1,000 kt) in lethality and shrugged and went meh to play around with Privaron Espada and Arrancar corpses

are you kidding me

what, did Akon or Hiyosu or somebody delete the footage?

also how the fuck did Ichigo never mention having seen Segunda Etapa after having lost his powers from using Final Bankai? especially when he'd literally seen Uryū lose his powers from using Letzt Stil only to gain them back? Ichigo dude why were you moping around for 17 months when you literally knew people who'd used equivalent powers who either didn't lose them or got them back soon after

like it is INCONCEIVABLE that Mayuri and Kisuke don't know about Final Bankai (Kisuke literally showed up as it ended versus Aizen) and couldn't analogize it to Segunda Etapa and Letzt Stil, and yet neither of them shows any apparent interest in it whatsoever

some scientists

"Oh, the hydrogen bomb? Meh, I don't wanna be Edward Teller, I'm a Robert Oppenheimer kinda guy."

this is likewise INCONCEIVABLE when Kisuke and Mayuri should know Wandenreich is coming, despite their apparent total lack of preparations

unless they deliberately ignored the research avenue to let Wandenreich kill as many people as possible

then they both roll out smartphones and internet streaming by NBFH to bring down Shinigami culture hmmmmm no conspiracy there no sir

Byakuya's ambivalent feelings.

ルキアのスピード懐妊を聞いたときの白哉の心情を想像するだけで一生飯が食える

Why Isane still went after Rose and Kensei's bodies

lmao the screenshots

My first thought was that she didn't believe Gremmy saying they were dead but then I read the chapters for this episode and she did scan their pulse so she know they were dead in the manga. Then, I remembered the Echoing Jaws of Hell Arc one-shot Kubo wrote.

The Reisai ritual from the Hell arc

Renji talks about how captains who died in battle would get this ritual and we also know that shinigami who are greater than third class reishi are captains and they have to be cast into Hell. Kensei and Rose are Vizards adding to being captains so they would fit that category after the war if they weren't saved by Mayuri.

Now of course, most of the captains including Kurotsuchi, Soi Fon, and others didn't even know about the true purpose of the ritual so how could Isane know about it? (Even though the true purpose doesn't need to be known to do it)

Eh, I would just chalk it up to her being Unohana's lieutenant and Unohana being a OG Gotei 13 and the head canon of her having to send her fellow captains to Hell and knowing she would soon be in it.

Anyways, I kept seeing people asking why she went after their bodies when they were dead already and thought of this.